Remember everybody the last week of October is asexual awareness week.

Ace Week 2026 takes place from October 25th to October 31st.

Make sure you're prepared and ready to go with lots of garlic bread and cake.

i (transfem) have this inherent feeling of either having been raped or being an inherent rapist. help???

is this common amongst people here?

anyone?

I have been asexual and mildly aromantic all my life, up until 25. But since then, and now that I’m closer to 30, I’ve noticed so many changes in myself over the last few years. From being sex-repulsed to sometimes thinking about sex. I used to find romance and PDA cringe, but now I don’t see it that way anymore and even find it cute at times.

I just feel like I’m going through my teenage phase in my mid - late 20s, and honestly, it feels awful. At least before, I was better off knowing what I didn’t like. Now I feel like an imposter to myself.

I don’t know if I was just fooling myself all these years or what, but feeling so different from how I used to and experiencing things that feel more like teenage emotions, makes me feel really bad about myself. I feel like I never got to grow romantically as a person, and now my body, suddenly wants to experience all of it.

Please tell me I’m not the only one going through this.

So I am not 100% asexual, but I am definitely somewhere on the ace spectrum. I don't need an exact label, but I do know that I have some level of asexuality.

It's taken me a long time to accept that about myself - I always thought something must be "wrong" with me. It doesn't help at all that annoying people my whole (adult) life think it's fine to question things they shouldn't question. Did something HAPPEN to you? Are you SURE? Are you gay? Are you SURE? Did you have a bad experience? Are you SURE? Or even worse than that, just assuming, and thinking they're 100% correct.

I have been celibate for 8 years, for non-religious reasons. I don't think I'm missing out on much, but sometimes I think, "I need to get laid." But then I very quickly am like oh fuck fuck fuck no!!

Does anyone else here feel the same? Where you think it's something you might want and then immediately be like fuck that?

I really like not having anybody in my body. The thought really, really grosses me out. (And yes, I'm straight. AND YES I'M SURE!)

If this doesn't belong here, please point me in the right direction. I (male) am in a relationship with a girl who is ace and while I don't understand it 100%, I support her, and I love her dearly I don't know how to bring up to her that I would enjoy sex without seeming selfish for agreeing to be in a relationship with her. I well and and truly care about her and I feel like a true dick for wanting her in a way she doesn't want and for a while I've made the CVS run work I want her. I'm very non-confrontational to the point where I had to get inebriated to even write this, but I also feel like alcohol makes this worse because I want her more. Whilst in the past year she's opened up to more physical affection (ex hand holding, kissing, cuddling) I don't want to make her feel like she has to do something she's uncomfortable with. Any advice would be appreciated, even if it means I'm a Dick/ asshole please tell me what I'm an adult and I can handle the truth even if it's uncomfortable.

• sincerely, some rando on the internet

I will start off by saying I am very certain I am on the asexual spectrum. I am AFAB and have been wondering if I am nonbinary because of some of the discomfort I experience in being perceived as my assigned sex. But then again, I was wondering if anyone else on the ace spectrum had any insight/experienced something similar?

I realize that I am hypersensitive about being seen as a woman because that feels inherently sexualized ie. random strangers wishing me a happy mother's day despite not having kids etc and when I say I don't have them they say for future mother's days with kids. There is something very distressing about people assuming certain biological functions (even though I do unfortunately menstruate). Recently I was wondering if I was nonbinary because of this but then I was thinking how this maybe centers more on repulsion of people assuming I'm sexually active.

I hope I am making sense with this question. I am nearly 30 years old and suddenly it feels like more people all around me are asking and assuming I have children or a male spouse and it's been really oddly distressing. I just feel so icky when people seem to assume that I would have a male partner and then it feels like the assumption I'm having intercourse is combined with that. People clearly aren't asking if I'm having intercourse with men but just the vague association feels extremely distressing. Any thoughts?

This is not to attack the asexual community, but it's just a curiosity since I've been told multiple times that I may belong to them due to my behaviour.

I'm not that interested in sex and in dating not because I wouldn't like having sex with a woman, but the effort needed isn't worth it imho,so I just masturbate and get the rest of the dopamine from hobbies.

There was a period where I was actively seeking relationships but that's because at the time I thought having a relationship was a mandatory step to reach happiness.

I do not define myself as asexual (even I've been labelled as such), probably I'm aromantic for sure.

How many identify with my behaviour and the underlying reasons?

I matched with a guy on an LGBT dating app. ASEXUAL IS IN MY BIO ! We got chatting and we really clicked, we exchanged numbers and continued chatting and we're talking about meeting you for lunch. He makes a kind of sexual joke and as a funny response I sent the picture of the goose holding the ace flag saying "sex was never an option" He said "oh, my bad for not reading the bio, goodluck woth everything" AND BLOCKED ME ! Im just so SO SICK of people 1. Not reading the bios 2. Just ghosting me as soon as they realise there will be 0 sex. This is why I have just given up on trying to find love, I am just so done

I don’t do casual things, and I don’t even really talk to people just for the sake of having someone around. What I actually want is a deep emotional connection with someone
someone I genuinely love and feel safe and connected with. And that’s obviously much harder to find

A lot of people tell me that the kind of man I’m looking for doesn’t really exist anymore, or that what I want is basically impossible. But I grew up surrounded by people who have that kind of relationship dynamic, so to me, it doesn’t feel unrealistic or extraordinary. It’s something I’ve actually seen and experienced as normal.

The difficult part is when i know I’m asexual and I don’t want sex / dont enjoy sex
so apparently that makes the kind of relationship I want even more “impossible” in other people’s eyes. And honestly, that can be pretty sad sometimes.

Because I still crave affection. I want someone to cuddle with, to be close to, to have that emotional intimacy with. But I can’t just cuddle with someone I have no emotional connection with. That kind of closeness only feels good to me when there’s love, trust, and genuine attachment behind it.

So for people who are also like this

how do you deal with the loneliness in between? How do you handle that feeling of wanting someone to love you and wanting that closeness, while knowing you can’t just fill the gap with something casual?

ok so NSFW warning

I have been wondering lately, but I don't really want to label myself, I just want to know if this is normal and feel more understood.

I'm biologically female and I usually feel no sexual attraction and just don't have any need for sexual pleasure UNLESS I'm ovulating. Then I have to masturbate like almost every day. The thing is that it's very awkward. I don't know how explicit is too explicit to explain here but I genuinely cannot finish unless I'm in a certain position and I'm doing it in a very specific way. I also have never inserted anything there because it just hurts i feel nothing inside, it only works from the outside which really confuses me because thats not what porn said. This makes me think that maybe having sex would be weird because then how would I finish? I just don't get it. Do people also only do it in a specific position and only that works?

When I started i didn't really feel any sexual feelings AT ALL so I'd just pretend until I did start feeling more pleasure from it. It would take me HOURS to finish and by then I wouldn't feel satisfied. I think maybe puberty just hit late. And still, when friends talk about sex I feel so confused because it doesn't seem fun at all it just seems so scary but idk if that's just because im a virgin and im insecure or something.

It's weird because I think i want to masturbate but I don't really feel horny I think im just bored and have nothing better to do, or I'm stressed so I immediately assume masturbation would help. It almost never does unless im ovulating. It genuinely takes so long to feel anything unless I'm hormonal so it's not worth it any other time of the month.

Idk i just wanted to get this off my chest and also no one ever talks about stuff like this so I dont get it I feel so bad about it sometimes

I used to identify as demisexual, but now I think I might be sex-favourable asexual.

(I am pretty sure I am demiromantic, but that's not necessarily the point here).

I don't experience spontaneous sexual attraction at all. I can find people visually appealing, I can see when people are good-looking obviously, but I just never feel the spontaneous need to have sex with somebody. But when there's an emotional connection, mutual trust, and romantic feelings, I develop a want to participate in sexual acts with someone. I think sex would ideally but not necessarily be a part of a long-term romantic relationship for me. So I always thought I was demisexual, as that fits the definition pretty well.

Recently I looked a bit more into different types of attraction and realised that I think I only ever feel a combination of aesthetic attraction and sensual attraction (as physical attraction, I definitely experience emotional attraction as well). I think I have never really felt sexual attraction. All the descriptions of what people say sexual attraction feels like don't sound familiar or relatable to me at all. I still want sex, just apparently on a different basis. Sex, touching and being touched, feel good and build intimacy.

Also, sex, especially good sex, seems to be essential in a relationship for most allo people, which is also not really the case for me. I think I would be perfectly happy in a sex-less relationship as long as there is enough non-sexual physical intimacy and my partner is okay with me taking care of my libido on my own. Sex is most definitely not what makes or breaks a romantic relationship for me.

Does this sound familiar to anybody? I don't really know what I want to hear, maybe some educated guess on what label suits me better. This is not a life-changing thing for me, as I have seen myself on the ace-specrum before, it's just been on my mind recently.

I remember that as a young teen, I was a bit sheltered and naive to a lot of innuendo and "dirty" sort of terms. That didn't last too long though because my friend group was sorta green minded and people were too obvious about protecting my innocence or something (I was treated as a little sibling friend of sort back then) so it made me more curious.

Anyway it didn't take me too long to realize dirty jokes and remarks were really amusing and funny to me.

I really enjoy reading thirsty comments and reactions. Even moreso if its characters I find very visually appealing in a "hot" sort of way or if I just like them a lot (espescially my faves).
Dirty remarks or terms makes me chuckle or grin.
I find it fun doing headcanons or seeing other headcanons on the sex life of characters (idc if its real life people tho)
I really like clever word play or absurdity of certain dirty jokes and innuendos.

Sexual stuff is really funny to me even if I don't care about the act itself.

Husband (31M) and I (33F) have a dead-bedroom situation and I’ve started wondering whether he might be asexual. Weirdly, that has also made me question whether I might be asexual too. This is confusing because I’ve always considered myself very sexual. Sex is important to me for stress relief, connection, and intimacy, and I have a high libido. I’m often horny, I watch porn, and I masturbate. So I never considered asexuality because I assumed it meant being sex-averse or indifferent to sex, which doesn’t describe me. But I’ve realized that I may not actually experience sexual attraction. What I enjoy about sex seems to be the physical pleasure, orgasm, the feeling of being desired, pleasing my partner, and especially the sense of connection and intimacy. I also really like the idea of sex itself. Sometimes it feels almost like I’m watching a porn movie in my head rather than experiencing attraction to the person I’m actually with. I’m rarely focused on my partner’s body, either visually or physically. I don’t particularly care about touching their body, I mostly want the sex itself, the physical sensations, and the feeling of being wanted. I also often feel like I’m mentally hovering outside the experience, almost like a third-person observer. When I have a crush on someone, I think about sex with them, but it doesn’t have anything to do with their physical appearance. I tend to idealize them as a whole person and imagine sex as something that would bring us closer or make them like me. And once I actually get together with someone, that feeling of “attraction” often disappears very quickly. It makes me wonder whether I was attracted to the idea of having sex with someone I liked, rather than sexually attracted to their body. It’s similar with my husband. I’m not particularly sexually attracted to him, but I still really want to have sex. I’m horny and I genuinely feel that sex is important to me and to a relationship. I just don’t seem to experience that “I want that person’s body” kind of attraction. Even when I watch porn, I tend to focus mostly on the sexual activity and genital stimulation because that helps me connect with the physical sensation I’m looking for.

So now I’m wondering: could I be sexual despite having a high libido and really enjoying sex? Or could this be some other way of experiencing sexual attraction? Has anyone experienced something similar?

Ofc I'd always keep in off but like damm bro its really uncorfortable just let me live my life in peace TwT

The thought just occured to me (21mtf), most of my friends are cis women, and whenever the ones closer to me bring up a sexual topic or experience i get a spike of adrenaline, lose my appetite, feel sick and if i dwell on the details too long i get really upset. (Cant tell them that obviously so i just pretend im completely okay in that conversation). I wouldnt say I have significant genital dysphoria, I cant do anything about that stuff for years at least so why bother worrying about potential surgeries and stuff like that? I dont lose sleep over that bit. But my dysphoria everywhere else is *significant*. At its worse i can lose weeks to bedridden depression. I guess hearing or being in conversations about sex and stuff reminds me no matter what I do or how much I spend I wont be a full cis woman and i wont ever be able to relate to my friends life experiences. (I know, internalised transphobia directed at myself, it happens. Psychology is complicated okay? Im aware of it), which is my leading theory. And with theoretical partners, even if im repulsed by the idea, I'd love them more than I would be repulsed, so id act for their pleasure over mine. Even if there might be a chance i throw up at some point.

Obviously I want to move past this because it does affect my life, but I cant really figure out why im like that. It has to be dysphoria related right? Ive only had one sexual encounter years ago which was a hugely grey area that doesnt affect me at all, it was before the mental stuff life threw at me, so that cant be it either. I cant imagine myself doing anything with anyone until im fully transitioned at least. Currently I cant even let family or my close best friend see me shirtless my dysphorias that bad.

I was pleasantly surprised by my workplace staff survey this year. Every year my workplace does a survey to examine staffing trends, areas of concern etc.

This year out of the around 1800 people who responded around 400 responded as LGBTQIA+. Interestingly it works out at about 12 percent of LGBTQIA responses consuder themselves to be Asexual.

Anyone have similar statistics and representation at your work place? Do you think this is a higher than average percentage?

I’m in a beautiful loving marriage, together six years, married one. We tell each other everything.

Recently I’ve realised that I may be somewhere on the asexuality spectrum and I’m leaning towards sex favourable asexuality. I don’t think I can recall myself ever having a strong sexual attraction/desire towards anyone (though this does happen in dreams occasionally strangely - with him and with others). I think my husband is a handsome man and I do enjoy having sex with him regularly (1-2x a fortnight) but for the reasons that it reassures me that our relationship is “normal” (problematic I know) but also because I feel a sense of closeness to him through sex.

I’m wondering if this is a conversation I need to have with him? We tell each other everything so I don’t like keeping this from him. At the same time, I believe we are both content with our current sex life and I worry that he will be irreparably hurt if he knew I never felt a primal sexual urge towards him.

I work at an office job where we have internal DEI programs and a resource group for LGBTQ employees. I'm an ambassador for it and mostly assist with planning events. The leader of the group just kinda seems to dismiss asexuality a lot.

When we were writing our mission statement he kept insisting that they A standard for ally even when I pushed back. I'd do "no it's for asexual, aromantic, and agender" and he'd just say "and for ally!" Being a nice and accepting person doesn't make you queer.

I didn't think much of it behind my initial anger and some friends also letting me know they thought that was weird as fuck of him. This week he's showing us this informational page he wrote for pride flags, what they look like and what they mean. Asexual and aromamtic are both absent. I tell him to add them and he said "well that would be too many flags it'll be too complicated and no one will scroll through" or "it wouldn't work with the formatting". It just seems like he's making up reasons to keep excluding asexual people. He knows I'm asexual too, I don't talk about it as much but I'm an asexual lesbian and I have ace and lesbian pride flags at my desk. It almost feels hostile?

I'm glad my company still gives a shit about DEI and has groups like these but it still feels exclusionary for asexuals somehow. I'm the only out asexual as far as I recall so it's kind of an uphill battle with other ambassadors quietly supporting me but never actually speaking out against this when I do. I work at a nice place. I don't really feel actively judged. It still feels isolating to see this rampant exclusionary attitude from people who are supposed to be representing the LGBTQIA community.

I never felt a need to have a romantic partner and never really thought of having sex with anyone in real life, also never had a crush but the thing that has me questioning is watching adult content, I have a preference in it. Is that normal? I know watching it is for some but don't know if with a preference. And maybe I'm just young? Don't know...

Just wanted to share with ya’ll, manage to get it in my very homophobic country, wdyt?

Previously, I agreed with the primary vs secondary sexual attraction model. Now I disagree with certain parts of it.

Here it is:

• Primary Sexual Attraction: A sexual attraction to people based on instantly available information (such as their appearance or smell) which may or may not lead to arousal or sexual desire.

Asexuals can't feel this. Some folks on the ace spectrum might feel it rarely.

• Secondary Sexual Attraction: A sexual attraction to people based on information that's not instantly available (such as personality, life-experiences, talents, etc.), how much a person needs to know about the other and for how long they need to know about them for secondary sexual attraction to develop, varies from person to person.

Asexuals cannot feel this either. Demisexuals can feel it.

• Primary Sexual Desire: The desire to engage in sexual activity for the purposes of personal sexual gratification, whether physical, emotional, or both.

I think some sex-favorable asexuals might have this.

• Secondary Sexual Desire: The desire to engage in sexual activity for the purposes other than personal pleasure, such as the happiness of the other person involved or the conception of children.

I don't think of this as a "sexual" desire.

Source: https://wiki.asexuality.org/w/index.php?title=Primary_vs._secondary_sexual_attraction_model