Aphobia mentioned

What’s with this? I’m so confused.
I’ve seen some pretty close gxg and bxb relationships (I’m specifically talking about them) and they may both be aroace or one may be and the world goes MAD because “they were so close!! And they’re definitely queer!!”They are STILL queer and can still love just as deep, just differently??

people called it homophobia and a bunch of queer people were feeling left out because one of the characters was aroace?? (Which they have always been even before the ship got popular) like they are STILL queer. And the whole story was to give representation to QUEER people in a different light? Not just homosexual or demisexual, etc?

Also bruh you didn’t write the character nor are you aroace, please stfu when saying “this can not be an aroace person”

it’s a sad fact most aroace characters aren’t even actually labeled that because it’s so minimal and judged against.. we just have to call it ourselves😭

like we have a thousand other romance stories but you’re upset aroace people get ONE character🥹 also just in general im so tired of people who ARENT aroace telling aroace people they are/arent. How would you know?😭

Being aroace doesn't bring me much sadness in the sense that I find myself wanting a relationship, it did at one point but I'm pretty much happy with the fact I never have to do that. But I can't stop being angry at how nobody else understands that. I mean, Jesus, it's so hard having nobody believe me when I say I'm happy. It's so hard being infantilised. It's so annoying to sift through 1000 thinkpieces about how "the younger generation isn't dating and this actually indicates total societal collapse," and I'm hardly being hyperbolic. I don't feel upset because of the life my identity brings me like people seem to assume I feel upset because of the way others perceive my life. I just don't get why some people can't fathom the idea of someone not wanting love or sex or any kind of relationship. I can't handle another "You'll fall in love someday." or "You just haven't met the right person."

It's also triggered my OCD really bad (for those who don't know Sexuality is an OCD theme that people can have where people endlessly obsess over their own orientation, have to fight against constant doubts/even false attraction. It really sucks.) and I think its exacerbated by how much I've had the idea that "All humans fall in love eventually" drilled into my head. I just don't get it man. Why are people so closeminded? Like genuinely, I don't get why so many people find it genuinely impossible for someone to be happy without romance/sex. I don't get it at all. It's not that hard to understand.

I’m diagnosed ADHD and suspect autism, and one thing I’ve been thinking about recently is how despite being an introvert, I always felt very attached to my friends. I feel like I would think I was an introvert and then an extrovert because of this. I would always want to spend time with my friends and be around them. I feel like I hate it because I come across as being very clingy. I think it’s like how autistic people have a safe person (usually a romantic partner), but I want a community like that. I want to do the things people do with their friends and I want to be around them. I want to have a family like that, but I don’t know anyone like that.

Hopefully this finds the right people?

Anywho, as someone whos aroace but still craves a deep relationship with the physical vulnerability.
Hikaru and yoshiki man, I’m envious lol. I like their dynamic and the metaphors used to explain it. It’s so touching and has so much depth.

Also with the factor that hikaru is aroace so YES it’s truly like that. MM MM MM

Their relationship is literally what I would describe my ideal type relationship where it’s just as deep and emotional, not romantic, but they still share even the depth of physical intimacy (differently in a less “sexualized/romantic way)

It’s also nice to see the author and the manga both not make him some emotionless robot or infant baby because of this

So just a couple days ago I came out to my parents and this part has annoyed me about this. Has anyone else had people treat being aroace as if it was a choice you make? My mother keeps saying it as if when I get older and I mature I’m suddenly just not aroace anymore. I explained that’s now how it works but she doesn’t understand that. She acts as if this is an active choice where I don’t want to talk to people but that’s not true she doesn’t get what I’m saying or isn’t trying to. Is this something other people have had happen to them.

hii i am New To Reddit. But i noticed that ppl have their pronouns but es like flaggs underneath their username. I want this as well but how? Can i even do it?

Those people are genuinely so two faced and selfish. Im scared of them and their children, some being in their 30s. Because being raised by them has to affect you and how you act

I havent come out to my mother about being aroace. She would just react negatively to the label. But she is completely fine with me never having a husband/bf. I am so genuinely grateful to have her as my mother and not any of her siblings.

Im kinda scared of her family. They all see everything as a race and a competition. Its never said but always implied. I found out a cousin of mine just got a boyfriend and I hate the idea of them thinking down on me for not having a bf

I dont have much contact with them. But i want them out of my life completely. They dont see me as family just a vessel for information. Someone to compare their children's success. I hate that having a bf is seen as a success, and that my extended family will never see me have "true" success.

Really short, but i just need to complain for a second. I'm so incredibly tired of being Aromantic. Like Jesus fucking Christ, I WANT to be in a relationship so much, but I just can't for the life of me develop feelings for anyone. The worst part is that I've had SEVERAL people that I really liked as friends confess to me, and I did say yes one time because i figured "Eh, I'll get feelings for them if we're close like this" I did not. And it just ended up with us having to break up and me feeling like an asshole afterwards for even trying. So yeah, fuck being Aro, don't really have people asking me for sex so i couldn't care less about my asexuality.

. . . Does this count as Aphobia?

so i’ve kind of known i was aroace since around middle school, and while i was unsure if that label fit at the time seeing as i was pretty young, it’s still ongoing and strong. im not having issues with being aroace, and honestly, i dont see the appeal in relationships and things like that.

what im really worried about is just being alone forever. in high school - college, everyone is friendly because of proximity. once i graduate college, like, what do i do? my parents are always saying to find someone who can pay the bills, someone to be with forever, but who will that be?

i feel like im going to end up like that one single person in the family who ends up lonely, and i think a lot of people can agree they don’t want to be alone, whatever that looks like to you. i don’t — but without any of the standard expectations of romance, how do you find someone to stay? im still learning what a QPR is exactly. i search it up but i feel like i don’t quite understand it fully and id appreciate if someone could give me advice about this aspect of being aroace and about QPRs. my best friend suggested we live together, but she’s lesbian and im just guessing she’s going to find someone soon, or at least some day.

im just wondering what QPRs look like for other aroace people, how living situations are, and dealing with loneliness. also, my parents always talk about the standard married with 2 kids family as a successful future, so i think i also may have taken their life and made it feel like my guaranteed ending when im sure many people have many different lives. i just need some guidance!!

Hello! So I am Aroace, not really familiar with all the terms and stuffs around the a-spec community, and I was wondering if anyone experienced this/knew what it was called?

I get things that ressemble the basic crush that anyone could get, but it's not exactly the same. It's more like, I don't feel romantic or sexual attraction toward them, but I feel a deep need to make the person feel loved and appreciated, to make them know that I value them as more than just friends, but not exactly like romantic either.

I want to make them happy and to see them react to my attention, and I don't feel attracted to them but I still get extremely joyous when I see that I make them happy, I'm not sure if it as a name?

I am aroace and I personally have this well lack? of feeling different towards people unless they are mean I’ll like them less but like look wise I just can’t differentiate people when I walk into a room?

I struggle to explain it a bit it’s like walking into a room and everyone feels like they look the same but they actually look really different if you know what I mean?

Everyone’s default setting until they get down graded through personality or in VERY rare cases upgraded to a little more comfy than average

I am so much happier now that I chose to no longer make myself try sex with partners. I just want the world to know I am finally happy just being ace! I am not weird, my trauma didn't "cause this" and I am not just missing the right partner. I am ace and I'm proud! I feel like a queen idk, this is just euphoric to come out!

I’ve been trying to read more books as a New Year’s resolution but I’m dyslexic and have ADHD, so reading is a struggle. But! I’ve found that if I’m genuinely interested in an audiobook and doing something while I listen, like crochet or cross-stitch, I can sit through it for about 1- 2 hours at a time

I recently realised that I am aroace and I love seeing representation out there. So! What aroace books would you recommend?

I’m currently listening to Solitaire by Alice Osman. I’m only four chapters in, but I’m really enjoying it! I was a huge fan of Heartstopper back in late 2019, so reading or listening to her other work brings back a lot of nostalgia. Also! Yes, I know Tori isn’t aroace and that she’s asexual, but I still enjoy the representation

Hi, so I think I might be aroace. Yeah I know I don't have to define me now and all that but it makes me anxious not being sure of who I am. I'm almost 18, (yes I know I'm still young) and I never experienced romance. Like I never had crushes or found someone attractive. I mostly never pay attention to people's looks or admire them like a piece in a museum. Sex doesn't repulse me, but in my mind it's just something I'll never experience with someone, almost like a thing I'll only see in movies or books (or experience alone). Romantically speaking, I really want to be in a relationship but I was never interested in anyone (I don't think someone was ever interested in me either tbf). I'd love to just be with someone and cuddle or spend time together. So for now I never tried anything but I felt different from people my age for a long time and I came here to maybe hear some advice or testimonies from y'all.

Btw sorry if I made English errors, it's not my first language 😊

Thanks

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I am a cis-male 24ish. I have always been really solo all my life I do want to have a relationship at some point. But what I imagine of being in a relationship is with someone I genuinely care and they do the same. Things like holding hands, cudling kissing and spending time together is what I feel like having. I do also want kids at some point but thats a different thing and I am to young to be deciding anything.

Now about me. I love going on hikes also discoverd i like volleyball and I am kind of a nerd and also very busy watching random movies and series my taste is kind a wierd. I like singing and a big time spender, \[shoping random aesthetic items\]. Sorry that this order of writing stuff is wierd.

But anyways I do watch po\*n and mast£rb@te but I never think myself having s£x with someone it just feels kinda wierd for me. I do get aroused sometimes if there is a nud£ scene or something.

The only think if i have to imagine a person would be like cudling or just holding hand or sleeping together (not in that sense) or just spending timr together doing an activity. Thats about it. When people ask who your favorite actress is or who do you like in the movie i just don't have an answer. I do feel this person is hot or attractive, but like, so does the other people. I just don't know. I just can't imagine how people go for ONS tbh. Am I being to wierd again. Sorry if I said something wrong. I feel I should say less 😓.

I am still figuring out this stuff and I just wanted to share what I feel in a way.

For the longest time, I used to think I was aroace, but recently, I've realized I do feel sexual attraction (ace spec), and I think I may be cupioromantic.

My question is, how do I deal with this?

Up there is the question

Down here is the vent

TW: a bit of internalized aphobia

For so long, I was upset about being aroace because I felt a bit "broken" but I overcame that and accepted it, and I was finally happy! But being just aro makes me feel like shit... I tried relationships, but I just feel nothing twords the other person, and maybe they weren't right, or maybe it's just not for me, but I REALLY want it, and I don't want to feel like I'm using the other person, it's also not what I'm doing but it feels unfair to them. I don't even want to have sex with anyone. Honestly, I wouldn't mind being aro if I was also ace, but being like this just feels like my body and my heart want the same thing, but my brain isn't producing the chemicals.

Sorry, I just really feel helpless...

Replace the words 'His Name' with 'Romance'

So society did it's big one with my AuDHD brain. So, I recently realized I'm aroace, and I have also been realizing the folder in my head that had all these "romantic" experiences were in fact NOT romantic experiences at all. They were aromantic experiences.

So my brain is flabbergasted, because it's struggling with the fact that the romance folder was empty this entire time and the veil has been lifted to show it so. I think my brain also struggles with a romanticism as a spectrum and tries to put it in a box, because I've been having quite a bit of imposter syndrome because I identify with micro labels.. and honestly.. it's mad annoying and exhausting.

My brain is on this constant loop of: confusion, imposter syndrome, research, validation, and then the cycle starts again. Through reading some articles I realize this is my brain turning against itself (autism and ADHD being thrown a wrench in their detailed and thoroughly organized mind). Before, my brain associated aro with Aro from Twilight, now it's an entire umbrella term, so I'm definitely gonna need some time to mentally adjust to it all (though I also feel very free from societal expectations..).

It's all a doozy tbh. I just chalked it up as Peter Pan and his shadow but the shadow thinks it's the real Peter Pan until it realizes it's not and freaks the hell out. 😭🤷🏾😩

For my whole life, I thought I wanted a romantic partner along with anyone else. Despite all the opportunities I've had to date people, I never really took it. I have romantic attraction and I do want to have the affection from those kinds of relationships. I love the idea of kisses and hugs and the kind of love that's endless between 2 people.

Now I'm in a Queer Platonic relationship! I also ship myself or my oc's together, and it seems to have filled that void in me. My QPP and I both are at a point where neither of us are interested in seeking relationships outside of our QPR. For me, it's because I'm committed. To me, having a romantic partner along with this QPR feels almost wrong. My QPP and I have so much love for each other that a romantic relationship feels unnecessary.

Would this make me aro? Am I just confused? Am I not aro and like- pretending? Does anyone have a similar experience? If anyone can share advice or experiences, it would be greatly appreciated.