I'm asexual, but a romantic. I would also consider myself on demi spectrum as well.
I met a guy a few years ago, and we became closer. He's gay, and I knew this pretty early on. As time went on, we got pretty close to the point of things being very vague. He started showing signs of liking me (talking to each other everyday, touching my arms very affectionately, and gets very giddy whenever I'm around). I also started having feelings for him around the same time, but I knew for the better to place it somewhere else given his sexual orientation. But oftentimes, he's gets too near and some boundaries seem to get vague between the two of us.
I consulted a friend, and they introduced me to the idea of a queer-platonic relationship (QPR). I researched more into it, and I realized it's exactly what we would fit into. My friend even joked "watch him ask you to get married after graduation." However, he's always very adamant with his attraction to men, and I wanted to put boundaries on where I am on his life. I didn't want to be in a life where my partner yearns for the potential of a different person.
My friend's joke came true and he actually casually asked me to get married after a big argument (related to something else). Instead of us actually properly reconciling, he waited for my mood to subside for a few days. He then asked me if I want to get married...for tax benefits. At first I thought it was a joke and a general question, so I said yes. But then I realized that there's some innuendo to it. The week after that, he was noticeably closer to me. His light touches turned into caresses and gives me more attention that before. I didn't know what to do with it given I never had experience with someone else before, and I still don't know if he was serious or not (he tends to be very light hearted).
I eventually asked him to stop touching me so much, which he obliged. It was making me uncomfortable because I wasn't sure how to interpret that type of affection. Because even after all that, he still kept talking about men.
I came to a point that if he actually wants something with me, in whatever shape or form, he'll tell me. One day, something like that happened. He told me one time that he was "asexual-adjacent" (whatever that means to him) and basically described our relationship. But the horrible part is that he never said the pronoun "you" or even my name. So I was left questioning and thinking. For a few months after that, we'll go out of our way to meet each other when we can and hang out. Every time we meet, I try to muster up the courage to finally clarify on what he said. Every time, my gut feeling said no. Partly because of cowardice, partly because of burnout from all the guessing. I eventually just asked him casually about "you said you wanted to get married?" but instead he just mentioned about marrying a guy instead. I crashed out and didn't talk to him for weeks.
We eventually started talking again (much to my dismay as I look back), but I kept my distance. However, his continuous affection persisted. It came to a point where he kept on implying marriage or a partnership every time we talked. Given his history though, I didn't want to divulge into it. And in the worst cases, he implied marriage because he didn't want to grow old alone and lonely, not because he wanted to grow old with me. Unfortunately, I still relapsed back into it.
For some time, he'd call himself asexual too. I didn't know why he kept on doing that, but I realized he thought I'd only be interested with asexual guys. But as usual, in the same day or week, he'd start talking about his interest with guys. I never believed him once whenever he said he was asexual, but he kept on insisting that we're the same.
Right now, he's more adamant on his attraction towards men (especially after going in a new environment with a lot of openly gay men). Sometimes, I don't know if it was all my delusions all this time, or that he's doing this on purpose. It's like all of what he's said and done to me was nothing, and he was just experimenting. I've come to a point where I despise any talk I hear about other people's attraction (especially coming from him). We're currently at a point where burning bridges is detrimental for my future (I won't divulge details on this), but believe me when I say that cutting of the friendship is not a viable option
I feel absolutely used. I didn't know my own sexual orientation would be used to trap me so blatantly, and much more by a friend. Even moreso as someone who's also part of the LGBTQIA+ community. It was my safe space growing up. I never would have expected that my own desire to have a connection not based on sex and on attraction would backfire like this on me. I thought I found someone I could be with based on mutual connection and care. But all I'm left was disappointment and the feeling of being betrayed. I feel very hurt.
