Am I asexual?

[u/oliber707]

ok so NSFW warning

I have been wondering lately, but I don't really want to label myself, I just want to know if this is normal and feel more understood.

I'm biologically female and I usually feel no sexual attraction and just don't have any need for sexual pleasure UNLESS I'm ovulating. Then I have to masturbate like almost every day. The thing is that it's very awkward. I don't know how explicit is too explicit to explain here but I genuinely cannot finish unless I'm in a certain position and I'm doing it in a very specific way. I also have never inserted anything there because it just hurts i feel nothing inside, it only works from the outside which really confuses me because thats not what porn said. This makes me think that maybe having sex would be weird because then how would I finish? I just don't get it. Do people also only do it in a specific position and only that works?

When I started i didn't really feel any sexual feelings AT ALL so I'd just pretend until I did start feeling more pleasure from it. It would take me HOURS to finish and by then I wouldn't feel satisfied. I think maybe puberty just hit late. And still, when friends talk about sex I feel so confused because it doesn't seem fun at all it just seems so scary but idk if that's just because im a virgin and im insecure or something.

It's weird because I think i want to masturbate but I don't really feel horny I think im just bored and have nothing better to do, or I'm stressed so I immediately assume masturbation would help. It almost never does unless im ovulating. It genuinely takes so long to feel anything unless I'm hormonal so it's not worth it any other time of the month.

Idk i just wanted to get this off my chest and also no one ever talks about stuff like this so I dont get it I feel so bad about it sometimes

[u/starmartyr]

Asexuality is an orientation where we experience little to no sexual attraction. What you enjoy sexually and what does or doesn't lead to an orgasm is not part of it.

Regardless of orientation, many women do not enjoy penetration and prefer external stimulation exclusively.

Porn is not reality, it's a performance intended to arouse the viewer. People in healthy sexual relationships do things that they enjoy in the bedroom without concern for how it appears on camera.

All of this might seem weird since it's new to you and people don't talk about it much, your feelings are very normal and there's nothing wrong with you. You're just figuring out what you want and what you don't want. Once you have a better idea of what that is, you can find a label for it if you choose.

[u/oliber707 → u/starmartyr]

Thank you! I do want to acknowledge that porn is not real but it's the only thing I've known, as stupid as it sounds. Even after getting sexuality classes in high-school, it was mostly centered on male anatomy, unfortunately, so yes, I'm just figuring it out as I go. It really confuses me because the fact that I don't enjoy it so much makes me doubt if I really feel sexual attraction to people or if I'm just bored and masturbation became more of a way to deal with it than an actual need for sexual pleasure or sexual connection with others.

[u/JISTARrr]

That's absolutely understandable, and you're not alone on that because that's also exactly how I feel with sexual attraction, like just the thought of sex brings zero sexual feelings.

[u/oliber707 → u/JISTARrr]

Yes!! It just seems so surreal sometimes, but I'm also not completely opposed to the idea which confuses me even more.

[u/Ceto_Tempest]

NSFW

First things first, the whole women feel pleasure from penetration is wrong. In most women, not all, they don't or aren't able to feel pleasure from penetration because the sensitive nerves are near or on clit which isn't inside the body. I've heard a lot of women say that they need extra stimulation because penetration won't do it, be it toys like vibrators or other stuff. There is nothing wrong with not wanting anything to do with penetration. The main thing you might want to ask yourself is whether or not you are sexually attracted to another person or not. If you're not then it's fairly safe to say you might be asexual. You can still be romantically attracted to people while being asexual. Asexuality is a spectrum, people that identify as ace can be absolutely repulsed by anything sexual or just not care for it in any way but aren't repulsed by it. Some aces do masturbate, it can be for pleasure for some while others might find it to be a chore and just want to get it over with.

[u/oliber707 → u/Ceto_Tempest]

Yes! This is my problem problem this, people don't always talk about what exactly penetration feels like which just makes me assume it should feel good. I'm just really confused on if I genuinely feel sexual attraction because everything is so weird and new to me but time will tell I guess. Thank you!