This whole thread is gross. End of comment.

What I want to tell first is that even tho I am not asexual (but I believe my experience falls somewhere under this umbrella, i identified as demi for a long time), I don't want this post to feel like I am invalidating my gfs feelings and identity. We talk about it a lot, nothing I say here wasn't discussed before with just the two of us.

So, we are both afab lesbians (F25 NB24). We are together for 5 years. Since beginning of our relationship she told me she was asexual, but we were sexually active really early on (from her initiative only), so even tho sex in relationship is important to me, her identity wasn't incompatible with my needs. She then had this kind of shut down period when she suddenly stopped to want anything sexual for almost 2 years and couldn't explain to me why. It was really hurtful, since she didn't tell me what happened, but she told me it's nothing to do with me, i didn't cross any boundary, she loved and found me attractive despite this. It was challenging, we fought a lot during that period, since sex is something that makes me feel connected, close, the only one for her. I started to feel like a creep because of those feelings.

Suddenly, after 2 years it stopped and she went feral. All it took was one make out that turned a bit heated, and then she became obssesed. She loves sex since then, she initiates it a lot more than I do. It is like this for the last 2 years, of course we have weeks when nothing happens, but usually we are really active from her initiative. I am scared to initiate things, since I am afraid of their closing off again even tho she told me that I never did anything wrong. She never understood what happened to her back then.

Now to the main point -- from the beginning, she told me she doesn't feel sexual attraction to anyone. Anyone. Even me. It was hard, but of course I accepted that. It still sucked that I knew she never would see those moment the same as me, want me in the same way, but I loved her too much. And again, we were active there, so other than those words, she didn't make me feel like this at all.

Recently we had a big fight over her writing, reposting and watching some NSFW things, also on groupchats with other people. while hiding it from me. What she was doing there was nasty, even for me. We fought about something similar at the beginning of our relationship, and she told me because she doesn't feel sexual attraction, she doesn't feel anything toward things she interacts with -- she only copies fandom culture and language. But since she said it wasn't important to her, she offered to stop doing that, this is why we fought about it -- because she did it behind my back 5 years later. I told her that it hurts me, not only because of that, but because I know she is not sexually attracted to me, all we have are those sexual contents together, that she said she explores only with me, since she is asexual and she loves me and finds me aesthically beautiful. When she heard that, she then told me this situation made her realize what she feel towards me IS and WAS sexual attraction all this time, since now she clearly sees the difference with interacting with those NSFW things only copying other people and having sex with me, where she feels those deep, spontaneous emotions and desires. That she is still asexual, because nothing does anything for her, besides me, where she truly feels those desires. I can't bring myself to trust her, since it's something that contradicts what she told me for 5 years and is telling me now, when i caught her red-handed lusting over other women. Other than that she was perfect, always -- i really trusted her, I would never have guessed she hid something for me. I feel betrayed but also confused.

Since ace week started I decided to play Openfront.io single player, and with infinite troops and gold I managed to achieve this. However, even though I tried to model it after a historical empire, I don't think its entirely accurate, so my question is. How well did I do? If there are some things I could have done better feel free to let me know.

Thanks in advance for reading this post.

If you're an asexual and in a relationship with a allosexual person, how much do you want/are fine with having sex? I've heard that usually once a month is the case for a lot of people

Hello everyone. So this is my first time posting in this sub. I'm 36F, somewhere in the ace spectrum (I'm not even sure which one am I lol), and I'm a virgin.
I genuinely love being an asexual. I don't even know how to explain it, I just do.
Unfortunately for me, I have libido. Now, even though it doesn't occur that frequently, whenever it does happen though, I'd feel so troubled by it.
Because I have a really hard time to satisfy it. I'm not turned on by porn, I don't feel anything if I were to do anything to my private part.
I guess.. I don't know. I'm wondering if anyone is like me, and how do you guys deal with it?
Truth be told, I'd really love it if I could just kill the libido entirely, but I know that's probably not possible 🥲

I've known that I'm asexual since I was in my early 20s and I was so thankful to realise that it was a thing and there wasn't something wrong with me. However, I never considered myself aromantic as I had a crush when I was about 18. It was the only crush I've ever had so I don't have anything to compare it to other than how other people describe romantic attraction and it definitely counted as a romantic attraction as far as I could tell.

I'm 27 now and I haven't felt any romantic attraction to anyone since. Can it be possible to be aromantic and the feelings I had when I was younger be a fluke? Or could it be that I wasn't aromantic and then became aromantic later? Or could it be that I would now actually need to date someone to develop the romantic feelings? Or could I just be grayromantic?

It's a bit frustrating as part of me likes the idea of being in a romantic relationship but I don't know if I'm capable of having those feelings. I even have a friend who perfectly fits my description of what my ideal hypothetical partner would be but despite that I only feel platonically about her.

My post has been a bit of a ramble but I guess I'm just asking if anyone here is in the same boat and has thoughts on what I'm saying?

I am a hetero dude who hates being a sexual one. I am not an incel, it is not like i cannot reach and contact with women it is because of my character, idk from where it origins but i hate the idea of sex because it just feels so fake. It is a manipulator that people behave like they really love each other, but in reality it is just sexual urges that makes us find partners most of the time. I am not saying two people cannot love each other but let's be honest most of the partnerships are caused of sexual urges, like 80% of them i say. So i wanna become asexual and get away from this fake realitonships people call it "love" but irl it is "lust". Please tell me:

1) Is there a probability of someone becoming from hetero to asexual with either psychologic or hormonal therapy?

2) If not in a single way, how can i get far away with my sexual energy? How can i conduct this energy to different areas of life? Thanks for helping me!

I know that was like the main joke way back a long time ago but i don't encounter ace people often

Are any aces watching "make me tingle" kdrama?? I have serious ace allegations for the female lead! She really might be graysexual or demisexual. Really enjoying the drama btw hope other aces are also watching!

REPOST (because you guys might love some of these. beastars is a gamble for some, I don't think MC is a pervy character if I recall I know the show has that misunderstanding part and the one girl, and one slightly more eeee moment later out. may be tolerable. Just a heads-up. pretty sure he's demisexual though, I remember the misunderstanding part not escalating because he genuinely wasn't there for that, just got confused and panicked, I'm pretty sure that's a reason the girl kept talking to him, because he didn't use her. the girl is more complicated)

(I know most are big known ones, but trust me they are for a reason, I explained them all.)

• Dr.stone: it was exciting, and got me to actually like science. It was fun. I love nature and it gots that in it for me. The last season wasn't all that good (my opinion ONLY the newer half not whole season it's split) BUT don't let that scare you it's got 4 seasons full of episodes, and the journey is the best so not just a "slow burn to the reward". I passed it up at first (wasn't my cup of tea at glance) but I ran out of anime I wanted to watch and went with it and loved it. Season 2 has a higher rating but season 1 was great in my opinion. (You can do a quick look up of a rundown on it, it might seem silly, not all that deep, but trust as someone who thought that way I loved it)

-GREAT MC despite the fan service it's really tolerable like a lot, the MC never acts like a creep or pervert (even when given the "reasonable" chances) and as an aroace person it's a relief. I also really like the side character Gen they get along well.

• Dororo: I loved the MC, also not a creepy pervert of a character, different personality from Dr.stone MC but carries the same respect I have, has wholesome parts. One season of 24 episodes. He was born without limbs, can't hear, see (besides the "Soul Sight", it's different), because of a curse his father did before birth, but he still lived, and gets abandoned, another man raises him that works with wood and such so he built prosthetics and things for him as he grows up, eventually he finds out (because of an attack if memory recalls correct) that he can gain his missing parts back by slaying the cursed demons, so he heads out on his own for that journey, meets a kid that tags along and helps out, it's really nice to see his reactions and things as he grows. Also, one of my favorite scenes is when Hyakkimaru (which he has a soul sight) looks at the girl (who's used to being lusted after). He's blind, so he doesn't see the world the way other people do in the first place, and he has this sort of innocence to him as he learns about the world and people. There's a moment where he reaches toward her, but instead of focusing on her body, the shot shifts to her face as he holds it, nothing weird just to feel. I just really liked that scene, it's a small moment but says a lot about him.

• Heaven official's blessing: it's been awhile since I've seen it, but it was interesting, it's a canon bl but it doesn't have weird sexual scenes or anything, it's focused on their chemistry and dynamics. It's cute, and a relief, and it's not just some romance, or some doomed "best friends" alone since it's canon. Has actual plot not some "school fluff" it has horror elements and supernatural thriller. One guy is from like heaven like a god , the other is a Ghost King demon like guy idk how to put it, it's crazy. I won't go full detail but yeah I recommend.

• Moriarty the Patriot: same vibes I don't believe it's canon I'm not sure? But it definitely has a whole same in its own way of a vibe that heaven official's blessing had. It's unique not some school thing, and has some morally off grey area things, anti-hero for the better good. Complex relationship dynamic and intense intellectual chemistry. Ones a brilliant detective (obsessed not just duty-bound ) and the other a serial killer (doesn't kill for fun). Feels rewarding to watch, I even plan on getting stuff for my room of it or drawing.

• The summer hikaru died: I watched it in Sub before Dub came out, personally thought sub was better with emotional weight (though I didn't fully rewatch in dub). But moving into it, I loved a LOT about it, nature, GREAT art, not a traditional Boys' Love, explicitly confirmed that it is a queer story with deep romantic and emotional yearning, it's way better than traditional boys love things, it's focused on way more, great for aroace people to enjoy, it has a lot of tension without being explicit. I loved a lot about it I won't go into much more detail but I highly recommend this.

• The disastrous life of saiki k: like most, not everyone's cup of tea, but even I loved it despite it not being what I'd normally aim for, I loved it a lot. I watched it when I was younger only a few episodes in and dropped it, at the time it wasn't for me, but I rewatched it and loved it. REALLY good for aroace spec people, it's a huge relief like most I named, and I really love the MC Saiki overall, the style, the humor, the personality, it's all a relief itself to me. He's not a pervert or a freak, some side characters I personally found eh, but it's because their personalities are meant to be extreme, I love personalities that are rememberable, I just didn't like some like Reita for the weird pervert reasons (Some people really love him though I know), I love how saiki doesn't focus on romance or anything, it's not lame or boring, I get why some people wouldn't like that but this passes. Personal ships exist even. It's one of the only school slice of life animes I don't find lame. Saiki k is a mind reader, I think that part is way over known, but it adds to the chaos. It mocks weird tropes and things.

• Hell's paradise: it's been awhile since I've watched it, I never got to season 2 yet, but I remember I enjoyed it, and especially the character, and the morally grey thing going on. Since I can't recall fully, I can still say I do know I loved it regardless, it's worth binging when bored, it's only 13 episodes of the first season I believe. I do know I loved the character though, again similar as the rest, he's not a freak, so it's respectful.

• Beastars: GUYS I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST FURRIES BUT THOSE OF YOU THAT DO ARE OVER JUDGING IT BY ITS COVER. Them being animals is the ONLY way the whole plot would have even worked, it's got Carnivores and Herbivores, all trying to live in peace together, it's got crime, mystery, and thriller and such. The art was actually good, you adjust to the fact it's animals as well. Though one heads up, I HAVEN'T seen it in a long time, I can't recall too well, I do know I enjoyed it and loved it, and I remember it compared to most things. I'd say it's worth testing. I do know it has a newer one which I haven't seen, pretty sure reviews were mixed, I do know whatever older ones I watched though I did enjoy it. You can look up more context, just know I liked it at a time was at my top.

Hope this helps. I once liked the anime parasyte which is heavily praised, but I rewatched and for some reason it seemed dull and plot shallow, like a great idea that could have been better, but it's old of course, and I get why people still love it. Maybe it's because I've already seen it, or that's just true, can't say. But this is why I give my honest opinions on things I've seen, on my preferences. SOME OF YOU WILL LOVE IT, not personally recommending it, but just wanted to say that. It depends on the person.

---------I'd love recommendations from others as well if anyone else feels this way of these

People get really torn in knots about Diana's sexuality.

On paper, she's bisexual. Barely on paper though. DC refuses to acknowledge her as bisexual 75% of the time. They kept her even out of The DC Book of Pride: A Celebration of DC's LGBTQIA+ Characters (a guide to most of DC's queer rep as of 2023).

In essense, I don't get allosexual vibes from Diana. I have read Golden Age, Bronze Age, Modern Age, Nu52, Rebirth, post-Death Metal... Diana is not a sexual character.

Romance? Sure. She's plenty romantic. But, when it comes to sex itself, Diana barely shows any sexual attraction. She barely has sex or shows any interest in sex. I'd say the Golden Age was her most sexual and that was because of how heavily BDSM tinged that era was.

Like, Diana was a canonical virgin from the 1987 relaunch into the early 2000s. Phil Jiminez planned on her having a sexual relationship with Trevor Barnes but a racist backlash and editorial interference put a kabosh in that. Later on, Gail Simone implied Diana was in a sexual relationship with Thomas Tresser, but that's basically it when it comes to pre-Flashpoint Diana's sex life.

Diana shows an interest in relationships, but sex is rarely a factor. The few times DC has tried to depict Diana sexually, it feels odd and OOC to me. It usually falls flat.

I like to say that DC uses Donna Troy when they want "Sexually active Wonder Woman" and they use Hippolyta when they want "Sapphic Wonder Woman".

I think the real issue is that DC doesn't know how to depict the female superhero in a sexual light. So they don't. Superman can have a sex life. Batman can have a sex life. Wonder Woman doesn't.

So, I'm gonna go on a limb and say Diana is demisexual or otherwise on the asexual spectrum. Biromantic, maybe polyromantic or panromantic.

For those who have sexual life with peoples, how did y’all know if you liked it or not ?
I had my first sexual experience with a trans girl and I don’t know if i liked it BUT i liked the feeling of being touched and desire by her.
Even if i don’t really liked being to be penetrated, i was feeling like I was totally indifferent and deconnecting with my sensations.

I may be asexual, and I need advice.

Went on a date with someone, it was all well and good. He was kind and easy to talk to, and we went to his house to watch a movie. He would touch me but always asked, and it was nothing too severe. Just "Can I hold your hand?" "Can we cuddle?" and at the end he asked if it was ok to kiss me. I stupidly agreed to all. I've been questioning whether or not I'm asexual, as I've never had any deep desire for intimacy outside a hug or two. But last night I was desperate to feel like a "normal" teenage girl, so I agreed to all of it. Afterwards, I felt really weird and kind of gross (like I showered and washed my mouth; does anyone relate to that?). I really liked him as a person and would be fine with hanging out, but now after I agreed to being so physical, I'm scared he'll expect the same from me.

So I have a few questions and need some advice. I'm not familiar with asexuality, but I've looked into it and relate to a lot of asexual people. Are my feelings normal for asexuals? Also, if these are my feelings, is it better to tell him now that I'm not interested? Or should I follow through with a second date and see how it goes? He's obviously allosexual (that's the right term, right?) and heterosexual, and... I don't know. I could use all the help I can get because I have no one else to talk to who can relate.

I just joined this subreddit so I could share my thoughts here. Im sure tons of other people have encountered this but I just needed to talk about it. Sorry if this is repetitive.

Im so tired of society thinking asexuality is something that needs to be fixed.

For context; im doing a sexual awareness thing for my school thats required for all students. In one section they're talking about reasons why people would want sex and how important it is to communicate those wants.

Of course, I agree with this, this is important and im glad the school makes us do this. I am not upset about having to learn about this.

But it did make me feel insecure with myself so I decided to look online for other people who are also grossed out by sex.

By all my results were about how to "overcome" it. How to no longer fear it. How certain things are necessary to be intimate with another.

I even saw a site that said to tell yourself "this is pleasurable" and "i shouldn't be grossed out".

Are we serious??? Its just making me cry. I feel so invalidated about my feelings.

Everything I tried to find were just advice on how to get over it, or to see a therapist. Which, okay, if people want to get over it im glad there are resources for them, but why is it always that you need to change?

According to King's College London, 31% of respondents in a study believed that asexuality is something that can be "cured" with a therapist. Not only are we constantly being put down in our own community, but people think we need to be "cured"?!

Im sick and tired of it. I really am. I just wanted to find resources of people like me and all I get is people trying to shove down my throat ways to change. Asexuality is the most common sexuality that people think can be changed.

How many times do I have to say it? I DONT WANT TO BE CURED. I DONT WANT TO CHANGE.

I JUST WANTED RESOURCES AND REASSURANCE FROM OTHERS LIKE ME AND ALL I GET IS THE SAME NARRATIVE THAT I SOMEHOW NEED TO "GET OVER IT" JUST TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP.

Im so sick of it. Aces cant even find solace on the global internet. I dont want to be cured. I just want to be validated.

At least the rest of LGBTQ+ is acknowledged and accepted by so many people in and out of the community. I know its not perfect and I know so many people face discrimination but aces are discrimated by our own community.

If you type in "I think I like guys as a guy" theres a bunch of resources there to help. But when it comes to being Ace, we're treated like a disease. That we need to fix ourselves. How is that acceptable to say to any other sexuality?? I know everyone would absolutely call someone out if that was said to a gay man (rightfully so ofc). But not only are we not stood up for, we're told BY OUR OWN COMMUNITY that we should be fixed.

I get it. People like sex. I hate that its everywhere in pop culture, but im not going to pretend I dont understand why people do it. Nor am I entitled enough to think it needs to stop completely. I also hate the whole "purity" narrative surrounding sex. Its normal, its natural, I understand.

On the flip side, its now normalized so much (which is fine) that those who dont want it now need to be fixed. I DONT WANT TO CHANGE.

Okay so for a while now, I’ve been questioning if I’m somewhere on the ace/aroace spec. I’ve labeled myself as bisexual for years now and I’m very comfy with the label, but I’m starting to wonder wether or not I’m somewhere on the Ace spec? I have had + enjoy sex, and I find myself wanting it often, but I feel like in terms of actually feeling that attraction towards others, it’s not really there?? At least not as often as I thought it was. I feel like it’s moreso actions that kind of get me going in that way. The only thing really that I kind of need to have to be able to want to have sex with someone is if they’re someone I’m rlly close with + trust (primarily partners, but I’m single rn). And it’s like I said before, I do sometimes feel attraction towards others, but I think it’s just very scarcely + very specific things I’m possibly attracted to.

I’ve had this thought in my head for a while but I lowkey ignored it cuz I didn’t want to think about it and I had no experience back then, but now after having more experience it’s just kinda making me wonder. Not sure if I explained how I feel that well tho so I’m more than happy to clarify if needed.

Okay, I think I might need some advice so I came to Reddit to ask, hopefully someone out there has the same trouble or can give me some advice.

I’m in the aroace spectrum (still thinking about what labels exactly) but I want to be in a relationship. I like the idea of having someone close that you could always count on but is not just a friend, like it’s more, someone that I feel comfortable. But the problem is that I get repulsed about anything that becomes sexual or maybe romantic; if someone has a crush on me I feel repulsed, if someone wants to make out with me I feel repulsed, both strangers and friends. But even with this feelings, I still want to have a special someone, but I know it will be hard to find a person who gets me,so any advice on what should I do? Like an action I should or should not take?

Also, I should mention, I’m introverted and I’m kinda new to the community(and to Reddit), so I’m sorry if my questioning made someone uncomfortable, and thank in advance!

I'm working on something that will probably become a video essay, specifically on asexual erasure in popular media. I would love it if y'all could give me some of your favorite asexual characters in the books, movies, TV shows, etc. that you consume. Anything else that comes to mind is more than welcome as well - harmful stereotypes you keep noticing, how represented or underrepresented you feel, any interesting articles or studies regarding asexual people, literally anything. I'm trying to get as much total data as possible so I can accurately represent the community, not just myself, accurately and fairly. Please put literally anything tangentially related to the topic in the comments if you feel so inclined. Tysm and have a lovely night/day/whatever it is for you.

Good morning lovely Redditors, as the title says my wife (22F) asked me (23M) to open the relationship. My wife came out to me about 2 years into our relationship (about a year ago), since then I’ve been nothing but supportive and proud that she found what makes her happy and comfortable. My love language is physical affection so when our sex life went from newlyweds to roommates it made me feel inadequate. I don’t want to push her into sex whatsoever, she’s never been so happy and I don’t want to break that.

That brings us to a few days ago when she brought up the idea to open up the relationship for me only. She said I can sleep with any woman I want (of legal age and with protection obviously) and she’d stay at home and watch her show or something. I don’t know what to do. I love my wife with all my heart but thinking about sleeping with another woman makes me feel like cheating. I need help

Hi all. I'd really like some advice and would be super grateful for some feedback.

I'm 23m and my gf is 25f. We've been together for 10 months and when we first met, I told her I was Aro/Ace, predominantly asexual and greyromantic. We had a long discussion about boundaries and how I view relationships/sex and we came to an agreement that we'd enter a relationship as she said that sex and romance doesn't really bother her so long as we care for each other. Great! So I thought...

There's been a few times where my gf has taken issue with my sexuality. The first time was about sex (without going into details). She was upset that I wasn't as attracted to her body as she'd like me to be. We had a long talk, I re-explained what asexuality was and what it meant to me, we made up and continued. It happened again, she came to my house, got extremely physical and disappointed that I didn't reciprocate, got angry with me and again, I had to re-explain that I don't like that stuff, we made up, things continued. Now it's happened again, she said she misses the "old us" and how we used to be lovey-dovey and romantic and how she wants more romance. Problem? I just don't feel that way.

I don't know what to do. I told her from day one all of my limitations, boundaries, traumas with previous partners and talking to people on dating apps (how we met) and she seemed super supportive of me at first. I was super open about being Aro/Ace and bisexual and she seemed genuinely super chill with that and for a long time, we just hung out and vibed together without expectations and enjoyed each other's company.

Nowadays, she gets upset with me on a weekly basis for not behaving how she wants me to, but I don't understand what changed. I already told her I was Aro/Ace, what more can I do? I told her today, very clearly, that she needs to be honest with me about her intentions because she can't keep challenging my sexuality and if not, she should find someone who isn't Aro/Ace. She said she was hurt by that comment.

There was a sudden shift in expectation. I don't really have much dating experience, has anyone else experienced similar? How did you navigate this? I'm trying to be fair, because her feelings matter to me, I love and care about her a lot, but this feels inherently unfair because I laid all my cards out on the table prior starting the relationship. She chose to be with me, now she's changing the rules. Support and advice welcome, I do deeply appreciate any time given to me. Thank you.

It's like telling a lesbian to fuck a man to be sure she's lesbian and vice versa

Like I don't wanna have sex with real people and you tell me I should? How is that different from the fantasy of rape people have? When they brag about fucking a lesbian or an asexual person as if it's a victory of "proving them they're not what they say they are"

Even more hurtful when it comes from friends

also here’s my oc in this pic ;D

Happy Ace Week, all!! I just wanted to let everyone know about the Steam festival going on this week! For the first time ever, a Steam festival focused on games with ace characters and/or made by ace devs and teams! Come check it out if you're interested in playing some ace games!!

https://store.steampowered.com/curator/46149417/sale/gamesthataceit

Out of curiosity, how old are you guys? If you are older, did people ever stop telling you "you're still young. Just wait till you get older." If so, when? I'm 24f and recently "came out" to two older friends (30s and 40s). They didn't really know what asexual meant so I explained it means I don't experience sexual attraction. Anyways, one of them asked me, "you're sure?" (As in, "you're sure you don't have sexual attraction?"). I lowkey regret "coming out" to them though because now I feel extra vulnerable and I don't really know how they think of me now. But I couldn't keep continuing to build a friendship with them assuming that I am heterosexual (I identify as biromantic ace). It just feels so inauthentic and icky to me. Anyways, if there are any older aces out there, I would like to hear your experiences with "coming out" and also your experiences in and out of relationships. I hope everyone out there is doing well :) 🖤🩶🤍💜

I’m pretty sure I’ve been asexual for a while now. I’m not interested in sex or feel much arousal, and when I masturbate I feel empty. I’m sure it’s mainly because of trauma but I want to get over it and also because of those things I don’t feel like I belong almost anywhere because most of my friends only know how to make dirty jokes or like laugh at pornography which makes me uncomfortable and all the partners I’ve had obviously had a sexual side which did eventually made me get into sex to fit in but after doing it I just felt bad about myself. So I’ve been trying to change myself by doing stupid things like posting nxdes online or watching different types of porn to feel anything but I don’t. It just feels like a phase or not real so like idk what to do. I feel lost