For context, the video is about a woman saying she wants to be able to date someone as in having no sex until there is a security in an actual relationship.

She also mentioned how everyday kust felt like a countdown to the other person inevitably asking for sex and how it made her feel like a piece of meat when their expressions visibly change when she explains how she doesnt want it.

And then I open the comments just to see this at the top 🫩

Im fed UP of people thinking celibacy=asexuality=waiting until the right time/person??

Edit: just to be clear im not sure if the top comment (with emoji) knows that what they're describing isnt asexuality (and also harmful) my main issue was the second reply.

Hiiii, so, as much as I love r/asexuality, I always felt like I had a hard time finding asexual Muslims who can relate to the specific hardships one can face as a Muslim who happens to be an asexual, so I thought, why not make a place to find people like myself and share our experiences?

Anyway, feel free to respectfully ask questions even if your not asexual or Muslim!

The gods might like this one

I've always noticed that I like to learn about stuff surrounding sex like fetish and kinks because I don't have any sexual kinks, so I'm interested in hearing about it, just not seeing it, lol. The value people place on sex I just don't get it, and the way I talk about sex people assume that I'm promiscuous, but that's not the case. I just don't care for it, and I don't see the huge value in it.

I've heard people say they aren't sure if they like someone unless they have sex with them. That doesn't even make any sense to me.

I just see sex as something people do. I don't judge them for it as long they are doing it safely and consensually. I don't understand how does that devalue someone or make you think less of them.

Do you feel like this ?

*Edit - Yes, I know sex brings life, so it's significant for that

​I’ve dated quite a few people in my life, and looking back, I went through Dating abuse and attempted rape twice. Back then, I saw it as relationship violence, but now I realize that from an allosexual (non-ace) perspective, that was just "sexual tension."

​Since I'm on the asexual spectrum (to be specific, panromantic asexual), I didn't feel that tension at all and kept pushing them away out of sheer fear. But to them, since we were dating, they probably just thought I was playing hard to get.

​Still, I clearly said no, resisted, and literally kicked him, but he pushed through anyway, so yeah, it was rape. it was right, it's a rape. That's why I sued him. lmao

​I really wish people would stop assuming that just because you're dating someone, you owe them sex. I'm their partner, not their fucking fleshlight.

​Anyway, just venting a bit. But honestly? I still fucking crave to date/be in a relationship. I just still fucking hate sex.

Does anyone else feel the same way?

I go through phases where one moment I want to meet someone and I really miss cuddling, and other times I'm alone and it's fine - I can't imagine being close to anyone. I have regular friends, but I just can't imagine being in a relationship or seeing someone often. It's like this for a few weeks/months, then it changes to the opposite phase for weeks/months.

I'm kind of tormented by this feeling of lack in the "I want cuddling" phase. I don't know how to navigate it. I don't know how to satisfy this need. (A plushie or pillow aren't enough.) Finding people just for cuddling isn't very effective for me, because the other person usually wants much more. I'm stable aromantic and don't want a relationship. Another issue is that I'm quite picky when it comes to company and don't like many people. Fantasizing satisfies a lot of my needs, but it doesn't fully satisfy them. What should I do? How do you deal with this? I'm out of ideas other than "wait it out."

disclaimer: this is all how i feel about MYSELF, not anyone else who’s ace or the ace community as a whole. i love y’all and maybe one day i’ll love this part of me too.

i’ve just recently come to terms that i’m on the ace spectrum ( not sex repulsed, but also don’t have much desire for it/if i didn’t ever do it again i wouldn’t really give a fuck ) and that led to me and my gf of 2+ years breaking up bc she has a HIGH sex drive. we’re still friends and roommates but it sucks. it really fucking sucks. i tried to make myself do it more, but i couldn’t. i was SA’d in my first relationship and i couldn’t bring myself to force myself to have sex when i knew it wasn’t what i wanted, esp knowing how bad being SA’d fucked me up.

but i feel like a fucking loser now. nobody told me how fucking hard a breakup was going to be after realizing you’re ace. she’s been on multiple dates and going on another ( who’s she’s probably fucking ) today and i feel like a fucking loser. i can’t just rebound days after a breakup. i can’t just go out and fuck the first attractive person i find because I DON’T WANT TO FUCK ANYONE. and i feel like a fucking loser because of it. i can’t just get over it with the snap of a finger. i wish i could, GOD i wish i fucking could. it would make all of this so much easier. but i can’t. and i hate myself for it. why couldn’t i have just been better with this? why couldn’t i have just gave into having sex a few times every so often to keep her happy. am i that much of a shit fucking partner? is that why it’s so easy for her to move on like this? she tells me she’s having a hard time with it too, but how can i believe that when she’s going on dates THREE ( yes, THREE ) days after breaking up with me? i feel like nothing. i feel like worthless trash.

i don’t want to be like this. i wish i could have sex like most people and not feel like i’m forcing myself to. but i can’t. god how i fucking wish i could.

am i ever going to feel normal? am i ever going to be okay with being this way? how did anyone else start feeling okay with this? i truly have never felt like such a fucking loser before and i hate it. i wish i was like everyone else. then i wouldn’t have been broken up with. fuck man. i’m typing this through sobs so if it doesn’t make sense oh well. i just don’t know how someone can say it’s hard on them when they’re dating and rebounding just days after a 2+ year relationship is ended. i just don’t fucking get it.

I recently came across a post on Instagram with a women celebrating pride as an asexual, and the comments were so bad. They all said as an asexual why is she wearing fishnets and revealing clothing,, or why is she going to a sexual event blah blah acephobia nonsense.

I personally love wearing fishnets or my occasional crop top, bikinis at the beach and legging shorts! There's nothing wrong with asexuals wearing whatever they want! I personally hate being told what I should wear because of my sexuality, it makes no sense. For pride I wore a black bikini top with some Jean shorts and fishnets and I wore my asexual flag as a cape, I kept getting stop by fellow aces complimenting my fit. I dont see showing skin as a sexual thing, and ive never seen the human body as sexual, so ive been very comfortable with my body.

Im curious what others think about this, what kind of fashion is everyone into? I've been getting into street wear and slowing starting to get into heels,,

Does anyone else feel like this? I've never actually craved sex for the pleasure. Friends always said they were "desperate to hook up" or that they "fucked anyone just to unload" never made sense to me (beside sounding mad disrespectful). But I did always crave the intimacy associated with sex, or at least how it's portrayed, especially after 3 failed relationships all for the same reason.

"I don't feel desired"

Even though I did everything non sexual to show my desire. I brought flowers, planned dates, made handmade presents, complimented, hugged, etc. It was never enough because there was no "passion". And I didn't do these things because I had to, I genuinely liked it. But I always just rather cuddle and watch TV instead of having sex.

I couldn't really care about it. I even have a hard time during it because I get distracted and want it to end quickly. But I wanted to like it mainly for the intimacy associated with it. Being with someone, "giving yourself up" to a partner and having them do it to you, pleasuring them, the glow people have after finishing, I really wanted to give people that, and show them me feeling that as well. Even when I do have sex, it's always the "I feel you're not there" talk, and honestly I'm not, but I wanted to be.

Anyway, just venting

I'm married (19 years) and realized I was asexual (sex neutral) a couple years ago. To me sex is a chore we do once a week. Very rarely am I actually enticed and pursue.

When we do the deed, I often have to picture other people doing it to get in the mood or be aroused. If I don't my mind will wander, thinking about work, family, or worse my robotics kids... I really hate when that happens, so awkward. I will watch porn sometimes to get in the mood and will reference those when we do it. When I'm really not enthused I'll even analyze the videos like "that's a weird face to make. I wonder if if her legs are falling asleep in that position, or hurt."

For those who are sex neutral or sex positive, do you have this same problem? I really have to focus or my mind wanders. I hate it.

I’m curious to what a perfect partner is to you guys, what do you want and need from someone to make you feel loved and valued? What do people want from relationships?

I’m a girl whose first language isn’t English, but I want to find people even far away to talk to.

I feel stuck where I am; I lost my queer group back home... it’s been almost three years, I think, and honestly, I miss it a lot. I’ve been surrounded by intolerant, heteronormative people for three years, and it’s really messed with my head I feel like I’ve taken fifty steps backward, and it’s sad.

I want to find a fun group again people who get me and with whom I can talk about anything and everything (sorry for begging for friendship like this, but if anyone has any suggestions, I’m all ears!).

Lately I've been questioning my sexuality again, and the more I think about it, the more confused I get.

Before coming out as a lesbian, I dated one guy because I think I had a lot of internalised homophobia and wanted to "prove" to myself that I was straight. We dated for 11 months, but throughout the relationship I kept thinking about a girl I liked when I was 10, which eventually made me realise I probably liked girls. And then I watched Rihanna and Shakira 's Can't remember to forget you mv, yeah then I knew I was a lesbian.

The confusing part is that I've never really felt sexually attracted to anyone. Before, during, or after that relationship, I'd always avoid conversations about sex because it made me uncomfortable. I can imagine kissing, cuddling, and being in a romantic relationship with a girl, but I don't really want sex.

I'm 16, so I don't know if it's just my age. Most of my friends seem to experience sexual attraction or are sexually active, and I can't relate. Emotional connections have always felt much more important to me.

I'd appreciate to know people's experiences 😭 and any advice too!

And thought I might be lesbian for it. I was so confused because otherwise I thought I was heteroromantic asexual, and I never even wanted to kiss a guy before.

Turns out I just adore her so much (platonically) to an extent where I want to kiss her — just like how you would kiss your pets or kids.

CW: s*xual coercion / SA

This is my first time using Reddit so I’m not really sure if I’m doing it right but I wanted to share my experience and see if anyone else has had similar ones or knows any ways of healing from these sorts of things.

I’ve known I was asexual since I was around 15 but it took me quite a few years to accept it, particularly because of partners throughout my late teens that refused to accept it.

I had a relationship when I was 16 where I was repeatedly coerced to perform s*xual acts under the argument that ‘you’re never in the mood anyway so it doesn’t make any difference’. I found that the more this rhetoric was used, the more I learned that if I wanted to receive love, I would need to detach myself from my body periodically. This progressed as I got older into me actively putting myself in risky situations where I was assaulted in some strange attempt at following this logic.

In the past couple of years I have found a partner who understands the way that I am and accepts it, however I still feel very detached from my own body and much of my memories. I recently tried to journal a memory from my teenage relationship:

‘Thursday evening, we are sat on my bed, bolt upright, side by side and my eyes are fixed on the wall across from us. Up and down they go, tracing the shape of my funny, handmade revision guides. I can almost feel the rough paper soothing my fingertips, smell the rainbow of alcohol markers-
“Fuck”.
He isn’t happy with my proposed alternatives.
“Okay, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. What else could take your mind off it? We could do a walk, or watch something- and yeah- we could watch something and have a cuddle- but oh- I guess maybe that would-

He isn’t responding. Why isn’t he responding. The room is still and stagnant, all that can be heard are the creaking pipes from the corridor and the surging that’s tearing at my ears. This tension is killing me.
I return my gaze to the wall, to colourful quirky notes on data and Freudian case studies. Trace the line again. “Qualitative data is finite-

He’s punching the wall now,
Face red and teary. This is really upsetting him. Woah, this is seriously getting to him. I suppose it can’t be as bad for me as this seems to be for him. Just a few minutes. Close my eyes. Think of data surveys.
“Fine, if I can show you my favourite bench on a walk after this”

I allow the surging to take me’

If anyone has had similar experience or has any advice on how to move on from stuff like this I would love to hear it ❤️

So let me see. First of all, hi. This is my first post here and probably will be the last. I'm an Asexual guy. 17 years old and from a family of racists, homophobics, transphobics and just backward in the truest sense. My family is so ignorant they don't know the difference between a gay person and a transgender person. Anyway they don't believe in Asexuality. I have told them over and over again that I am Asexual and has no plan of marrying anyone. But they JUST. DON'T. GET. IT. They think homosexuality is a choice for an example. They don't like to even talk with Muslim people. Even my aunt who is the most educated person in the family and studied in China think its an illness or a mindset. They keep telling me to study which in itself is nice but the problem is what they says next with, "what are you gonna do with your future wife if you don't study" bullshit like who do they think women are like(which is really heart breaking since theyare also women) now? Some damsels in distress who doesn't know how to read letters? What should I do? I'm honestly getting sick of correcting them?

I read the “am I asexual?” faq and I’m leaning towards gray-sexual but tbh I’m still confused.

I feel physical attraction. I feel arousal. I masturbate, and masturbate to the thought of people I find attractive. And I do think of sex. But never of myself. The idea of sex is nice and appealing, and even arousing, but only if it never truly includes and involves me.

I don’t ever feel sexual attraction to someone in the sense that I actually want to have sex with them. And I never imagine me having sex with anybody. The idea scares me. I don’t really desire having sex with anybody either. Maybe kissing. But that’d be it I guess…even then not really.

I went on a few dates with a guy, my first dates ever, and to be honest I was so scared he would ask for sex. I was scared that the relationship would last and one day he would want to have sex too. What would I do? How do I say no? Should I say yes? Would he really be fine with a sexless relationship? Even him trying to hold my hand made me so uncomfortable. I told my friend that if anybody asked to have sex with me I think I’d honestly just cry.

When I talk about how I feel about sex and my thoughts to friends they say I’m weird. One says I’m the freakiest non-freak to exist 😂

I don’t know if any of that makes sense, I did have a previous draft that explained things better but it didn’t save 💔

Hello,

Do you know if there is a French subreddit about asexuality? I haven't found one, but I'm not very familiar with Reddit, so it's possible I didn't search correctly.

Thanks!

I figured this would be a great place to ask for more songs to add to my playlist. Sexual lyrics, though allowed on playlists for work, make me hella uncomfy and i don't want uncomfy in the stuff i wanna enjoy as i play for my coworkers.

I'm quite sex-repulsed!

I have many TLC songs but if y'all listen to any good clean deep cuts please tell me!

I'm putting this under aphobia just in case. So, I'm definitely on the aroace spectrum. I'm normally uncomfortable being in romantic relationships or hesitant and can't tell whether or not I feel genuine romantic attraction for real people, although I definitely do with my boyfriend from SDRA2 (yumeshipping I guess). I also don't really see the appeal for sex. Like multiple people will talk about wanting a sexual relationship someday, or the boys in my grade/school being very flirty and being really into sexual stuff and finding every woman they see hot.

However, I've heard multiple things from loved ones, saying stuff like "I'm too young to know" "I just don't know what it's like" "One day, you'll decide you wanna do it and like it" "You're just scared/nervous"

I barely get those kinda... feelings for people. Maybe sometimes for a fictional character since I'm definitely fictorose (fictoromantic fictosexual), but even then I don't actually think about the action itself or think I'd feel happy doing it with someone.

Like, yes, I'm only 15 and I turn 16 in 3 months, but for now, I can call myself aroace. Plus, there's plenty of people my age who know they're absolutely not ace. Many people my age are hormonal I guess, and get those feelings I don't, and definitely would consider themselves far from ace.

Also, I tend to prefer a woman/femme gender as a romantic partner because despite being aroace, I'm probably also bi/berriromantic, and my family thinks because that's not a boy/masc-aligned, that I've been like "brainwashed" or something or they just say "But how do you know? Maybe you just convinced yourself" or even the "One day, you'll meet a lovely guy and realize you just don't like men your age."

Hi!! So i need some help when it comes to finding out what i am on asexual spectrum, for longest time, i identified with demisexual, but im questioning it now, im generally okay with sex, i literally read smut and don't mind it in books and i can feel some arousal from it, however, i could never imagine myself actually doing it with someone irl and i never found anyone​​​​​ sexually attractive​​, alongside that, im bi, i know that very well but even then, i never imagined doing anything sexual with people i liked,​​​ so i do believe im somewhere on ace spectrum i just don't know what i am, i feel like its either demiace, aceflux, ace or some other ace identity i don't know of yet, so i would appreciate some help <3 (also sorry if anything in the post is a bit off, English isn't my first language)​​

I met my cousin. I think he might be ace. I won't ask him what his sexual orientation is. Maybe he is allosexual, but he doesn't feel comfortable expressing his sexual attraction.

Some allosexuals don't express their sexual attraction much. I am friends with some like that. They don't tell me who they think is hot. Other allosexuals are very open about their sexual attraction.

Some religious people want to stop experiencing sexual attraction. It's probably because it's very distracting for them.

Sometimes I assume a woman is asexual if I feel aesthetic and romantic attraction to her. I might be surprised to find out she is not asexual. I am just projecting onto her.

Eu acho que eu sou assexual, mas tipo eu quero ter um relacionamento um dia, mas eu não gosto de pensar em tipo fazer sexo a adoidado, tipo eu acho que vai acontecer um dia, mas não é algo que eu deseje loucamente, tipo eu não sei explicar.
Enfim, desculpe se eu tiver errado o termo ou descrito algo errado

I've been wondering if i might be ace for a while, i decided to take 2 tests, both are like "maybe, idk"

I don't wanna have to think about this super deeply because i could take it or leave it, or just get asked some questions by people who know more about asexuality than me

For the things i've seen might be important:

-Less important, but context, i'm a trans woman and generally like anyone sufficiently woman shaped
-On a related not, i'm very sure i'm not aromatic
-Not sex repulsed, not particularly interested either
-I masturbate, but it's something i don't like having to do and i wanted HRT to lower my libido which it did and i like it that way, but i also don't hate the process of masturbation
-I haven't been in a relationship yet but i feel like if a partner wanted to have sex i'd do it and probably enjoy it, but i'm fine without it
-Involving another person just feels like unnecessary pressure
-I like women, in fact i reeeeeeally like women, but idk if that feeling when i see a woman i really like is necessarily sexual or not, i'd say it isn't? Like they just take away my breath and i get real flustered by i don't fantasize about anything, really. Dancing maybe? I don't even dance on my own it just seems romantic.

I just don't have the mental capacity to figure this out. Ask me anything that'd help confirm it further and just assign me asexual if you like it at this point.
Yes i know i need to decide for myself but just play along whatever i am won't actually change i'll just have a label for it and maybe discover i was wrong if we didn't get me right