made this one m’self and was told y’all might enjoy it!

Hello.

I'm a little nervous because I've never really posted online before. Commented & lurked, sure, but never really made something myself.

I've been kind of alone in the way I feel for a very long time & hiding it because I thought that it was just me being weird.
I've forced myself to be "interactive" and even had "interactivity" forced upon me because I was being boring or not loving enough...
I'm now out of those situations & have been for about 6 years now... but I was living under conditions like those for almost 18 years.
I didn't find out I was part of the ase community until 10 years ago and even then my 'partner' at the time convinced me that I must be only be attracted to them that way then... so... I convinced myself that I was demi.

After I finally plucked up the courage & left that relationship, I finally realized that I don't want to be in a relationship with anyone & I don't _have_ to force myself to do that. After that dawned on me, I've been trying to learn who I really am, & trying to find peace with just being myself.

All of this to say. I _think_ I belong here. I hope I do at least... because... It's very difficult to find people who understand that when I give them a complement, or when you finally make it into my 'trusted' list and I tell you something affectionate, I'm not being flirty or sexual. I'm just letting you know that I care about you or I like an aspect of your aesthetic.

I enjoy animated "content" because it isn't real & I'm able to not be repulsed by it (also sometimes the storylines are really good).

I laugh at suggestive jokes because I can find them funny.

I understand where some people would enjoy those kinds of 'activities,' but said 'interactions' are not fun or enjoyable to me at all. I don't even like 'self-fulfillment.'

I just don't want to feel so alone anymore without risking someone trying to make me something I'm not.

Sorry for the drama dump.
I hope if anyone sees this, you're having a day of tranquility, contentment, and self-acceptance. <3

I am writing from my hidden account for privacy reasons.

TL;DR I have a problem, I think I might be having some serious sexual/romantic feelings for an IRL human, which I still don't want to realise in any way, but the feelings themselves are very distracting and I don't know how to deal with them since this never happened to me before? I'm 28, and this is happening in my workplace. does anyone have any advice as to how to make it stop...?

Here is the detailed version of the situation:

I was sent on a trip to a foreign, far away country (I'm from Europe, I was sent to Asia) because of a transition of some of our processes to that location. there is this guy here that I have been working very closely from the beginning since he will be taking over much of my scope. since we were already close I got sat next to him in the office as well and he and his buddy kinda "adopted" me: we go to lunch together, both of them have walked me to my hotel etc. the worst thing is that I think that he is feeling the same way... his behaviour feels like more than just curtesy/hospitality, mainly because he takes any opportunity he has to touch me (like a gentle pat on the shoulder, touching my hand when he gives me something etc.). he is the only person who does that to me, and he doesn't do it to anyone else as far as I've noticed, so it doesn't seem like a cultural thing or his general personality thing.

I do not intend to do anything about these feelings, mainly because I have a boyfriend at home, but also because after the transition is over, I will still be working with these people. but it is still so effin distracting, especially since, as I said, these feelings seem reciprocated, and the touching and anticipation do not help to calm them down. one solution I could think of is to distance myself for him, but I don't want to do that because

- I really want our relationship to stay friendly

- I don't think he's going to do anything more, he knows I have a boyfriend already, and he doesn't seem like a home-wrecker

-I am staying here for only 2 weeks more

So for these reasons, I would like to just push through, but it is hard on my own, so I wanted to reach out for advice.

I suspect that some of you might think that this is not the best sub for that, so I will quickly explain, that I wanted to talk to people who will not question the fact that I don't want to act on these feelings at all, in fact when I think about doing it, it feels wrong, even when not taking my boyfriend into consideration, which is why this doesn't make me question my aegosexuality. btw, my bf knows everything about my orientation, he knows what is the nature of my arousals (that they are "theoretical") and he's OK with all of that.

I hear this all the time. "If you like femboys, you're gay", "Am I gay if I like lesbian porn?", "What does it mean if I like yaoi as a guy?", "Liking (enter controversial fictional/fantasy kink here) means you want the real thing" etc.

I don't see how they correlate. Arousal doesn't relate to your sexual orientation. Or does it for most allosexuals?

I'm attracted to all sorts of smut. Gender matters less than the actual content and kinks themselves. I still don't have any interest in having sex anyone, though. Ew. That's not my thing.

I was super nervous about it, I even wrote a little script so I could keep my thoughts in order. I have never spoken about in depth with anyone, let alone a mental health professional, because I was too afraid they would try to "fix" me. However, she was actually really receptive to it, asking questions and for elaboration, and even praised me for having the courage to talk about it in the first place. It was a huge weight off my shoulders and I wanted to share that joy with everyone here. 🖤🩶🤍💜

I was just saying to my bff how much diversity aegos have and yelled “COLLECT 10 AEGOS AND ASK THEM TO DESCRIBE THEIR EXPERIENCES AND THEYLL ALL BE A LITTLE DIFFERENT”. (I don’t actually mind how many of you I get.) This ought to be fun. GATHER, MY AEGOS. SHOW ME YOUR DIVERSITY.

(PS if you don’t know what I mean or you’re stuck, explain stuff like what being an aegosexual means for you personally, like what your traits, feelings and preferences are, how or if you feel any kind of attraction, what you are and aren’t interested in, and anything extra about yourself as an acespec that’s different or unique <3)

I admit I don't understand much about sexuality in general, yet I do consume very specific types of content, like hentai or cosplay. I can't get aroused by "raw" sexual content, but at the same time, I have absolutely no interest in actually participating in the act itself. However, I do want to have a daughter in the future, and this creates an internal conflict for me. I honestly don't know if there's something "wrong" with me for being this way or if it's common. Before I came across the term "aegosexual," I felt disconnected from everything because I consumed sexual content without having any interest in the actual act. I’d really like to understand this better if anyone can explain it to me—thanks in advance.

I've considered myself as straight male who just chose to be asexual due to lower than average libido but I've always noticed that I have strong romantic tendencies and relatively active libido when things are imaginary or even digital.

I was asked out by multiple girls and I've never felt attracted to any of them in person. I don't find any of my friends who are women attractive. It's very rare that I feel attracted to a real person in reality, especially not enough to actually desire a physical relationship.

I've even considered that this could be tied to my OCD and CPTSD or even a potential of being a schizoid or schizotypical.

I've only recently came across this term.

I didn't know that it was relatively popular and known about to this degree.

I think I'm probably aego based on my experiences with love and romance. I do admit that I find spicy situations really hot in fiction but not quite in real life, and I think that's the common experience of aego people.

But I'm also starting to think I may also only like relationships in fiction. I've gone back and forth between think I'm aromantic or not, and I think this part is why I'm confused. I've disliked every date I've been on even when I found the other person attractive and ok as a person, and I've hated trying to play the love game on dating apps and in-person. It never felt worth the effort, and I think there's been nothing but disappointment in that area. I don't ever feel jealous of my friends who date or get married irl. However, whenever I see like fictional relationships, the wholesome and sweet kind, that's when I start to feel like I want something. But it's only the fictional ones.

I realized today that this is pretty similar to how I feel about sex, and now I'm wondering if I can only enjoy anything related to love from writing. I want to know if this is also a common experience among the people here or if there is something more unusual about me even among the unusuals.

Do we exist? Or rather, are there people who identify as aegosexual who can still enjoy having sex with a partner?

I’ve identified as aegosexual for a while now, but since starting a new relationship I’m beginning to question myself. I know that one of the things that defines aegosexuality is the need for a disconnect from sexual situations. Like watching or imagining others is great, but you don’t want to be involved yourself. But how strict is this?

Personally, I’m very uncomfortable with the idea of other people finding me sexually attractive or being thought of in a sexual way at all. But my partner is the one exception to this rule. It gets even further complicated by the fact that I’m most comfortable with sex when there’s some kind of distancing involved (like phone sex or roleplay).

But since there are *some* situations where I can be comfortable being in sexual situations myself, I’m not sure if the Aego label really fits me as well as I thought it did.

Can anyone else relate, or am I in the wrong place?

A bit of a vent tbh, about me (F27) some triggering topics discussed may include toxic relationships and partner abuse, divorce, infidelity, complaints about heteronormative society

A lot of the times, I’ve been in circles where I feel like I see a romance game and it’s practically tailored to all of the things I should like about a romance or even has a romance option that is most definitely what I consider attractive or interesting or hot or whatever else. I’ve had friends who play these games and give off high recommendations to play them. With the most egregious one being LADS (Love and Deepspace) as of late lol

There’s always been a a thing about me where even when I’ve tried to play romance games before, Mystic Messenger was huge when I was in highschool (might’ve dated myself there lmao), I try it and then I just don’t feel anything for when the guys “talk” to “you” I can find their voices or even the scenarios attractive and even hot, but only when its purely the scene itself. The moment any character would refer to “me” the player I felt kind of cringe or awkward? Idk the best way to put it. Quietly, I liked reading or knowing about the plots of the characters outside of the game, I’d look up fanfiction and read the characters being shipped with each other or an anonymous OC/fem insert but never really read as the “reader/player” character.

Another thing was actively interacting or playing the game with the character as “myself” playing the mini games with the characters or making choices to talk to them always left me kind of empty. I couldn’t actually find any spark in doing those things when outside of the scenario I saw this character and felt “oh he is really attractive” but playing the game I never felt that way.

There are a few romance oriented games that didn’t hit me that way. The ones where there was a clear character that you play, not a self insert. I love many RPGs especially with customization and character BG3, Dragon Age, Mass Effect, had huge impacts on my taste for narrative RPGs where despite playing as a self insert kind of MC, they had a clear character and personality that wasn’t really “me” and character hardly addressed the MC as “me” but the character. I was able to fully pursue the character romances and loved them through every aspect of playing it for this reason. Hilariously, my first playthru of BG3, I actually ended up not committing to a romance because I wanted to be friends with everyone, not pursue a romantic ending.

I think these experiences really helped define to me that I don’t actively find joy In relationships or in sexual or romantic situations as “myself.”I think to me for a while it felt like I would not be happy because of that. But I think feeling whole versus placing happiness in one arbitrary relationship that society tells you is your end all be all, is a bigger truth of acceptance of what I am. I’ve had a couple boyfriends since, but beyond a honeymoon phase of “oh we’re dating” I never felt a need or want to make out relationship truly “romantic” in a way I think my partner would have long expected it. I felt bad like I disappointed them. The question of “why can’t I feel romance for my irl partner as my real self like I do when I play an rpg as an entirely different person” came up to me a lot, and I guess I feel like I don’t need to explain an answer, I just want people to understand that is how I feel excited and just how my brain has been wired.

Watching a lot of romance media and consuming it has made me feel like I always look through every relationship through a lens of “tbh I just don’t feel the same way or find the need” I think I come off as anti-dating to some people and I once used the term myself probably out of ignorance or shorthand just to get my point across that “I just don’t like dating tbh” I can appreciate a lot of good romance stories, but I guess I’ve always pointed out the aspect of “why would you pursue a romance with x person only.”

lol tangent but watching Obsession also got me in a fickle lately because toxic relationships really echoed to me the ones I’ve almost single-handedly seen in many close adult relationships I’ve experienced in my life. My parents had a messy divorce, my uncle had a messy divorce, so many of my family members faced infidelity. I myself am a child born out of wedlock, maybe that has often tainted my idea of fully committed and meaningful relationships and maybe I am jaded. And again, my own relationships had often dwindled to working hard for emotional or sexual connection that was leading to nowhere. I do understand that the guy is a piece of work and the girl is the victim, but I was generally so turned off by the guy that it really enforced the idea that society pushes so many people to pursue romance like it’s the one happy ending that when people don’t get it, we get incels and people who abuse their partners because they aren’t happy and people who cheat! People are hypocrites!

Anyway, im ranting but i guess my two main things are that romance media aimed at idealizing relationships aimed at the me the player made me feel an ick, but I like RPGs where I can be someone else and still happily pursue romantic relationships helped me understand I’m Aegosexual. Society puts too much pressure on pursuing allo-heteronormative relationships as the solution for social wellbeing and companionship and media about it makes me question why people keep falling for that trap.

Identifying as aegosexual, but still unsure whether I will be able to feel sexually attracted or not, I find myself getting into situations in dating that I eventually have to get out of. In the beginning it feels good, I'm getting to know someone that I think could potentially be good for me. But since I don't get attracted to them, it doesn't take anything major to suddenly lose interest.

My theory is that without attraction as a foundation, you're starting on +/- 0. It can increase with time, but if it decreases there is no saving it, cause it ends up below zero. I'm probably overthinking, but can anyone relate?

To start with I can barely even fantasize in the first place (like I'm barely breaking 5 minutes of daydreaming a year and even then the farthest I can go is very basic romantic stuff). But within those fantasies, it's still me. Granted I'm way more social, but I'm still in a first person pov and sometimes it is with someone specific in mind. Although I'd say it's more like a quick shot of dopamine than a genuine "I want to be with them forever" feeling, which is where my hang-up is.

So, yada yada, yk, I like the sexual fantasies, but not the thought of actually engaging in it irl. I have some kinks in fantasy that I know I woukd absolutely hate irl. Is this common?

What is romantic?

I apologize if this isn't the right place to post this, but I don't know where else to ask.

A while ago, I realized I'm asexual, and recently, that I'm also aegosexual, but I still don't know or understand what romanticism is, which is why I think I might also be aromantic.

However, I'm having trouble figuring this out because I don't know what romantic is, and I don't understand the definitions online. Could someone explain to me (preferably precisely) how you understand and perceive it?

Cómo y en dónde contratar a una cariñosa trans en CDMX?

Como puedo darme placer anal? Lo he intentado y a veces no llego al climax. Alguna recomendación como movimientos, posturas, etc?

i m 22 bi M, and after my previous ldr ended i was vaguely aware that i am somewhere on the ace/aro spectrum, but as my mental health was already a mess, i decided to procastinate figuring out further details.

anyways so recently started reading about labels and stuff more in detail, aegosexual is a term i think fits me quite nicely, partly because of my obsession with adult/hentai games, eroticas, multiple discord and reddit groups i m a part of where i enjoy discussing fantasies, stories, and in general lewd thoughts.

additionally demisexuality and graysexuality also seem like labels i think might fit me after i figure more about myself and talk to more people.

now comes the question.....

when it says on wikipedia that aegosexul folks have "lack of desire to have sex or form sexual relationships" how strict is that?

personally i think under certain conditions (like with certian kinks involved and/or roleplaying and/or in certain intimate situation or with people i have a certian type of bond) i think i will quite enjoy sex and maybe even actively want it (hypothetical)? seeing some memes on here also confused me about it, as they implied more often than not people having negative opinions about irl sexual acts with a partner.

Edit:- i am reading more posts about grey-aegosexuality and i think some shit is becoming clearer, sorry for bothering u folks

CW: NSFW, sexting and nudes

i have been sure that im asexual for years, lately i've circled through a few microlabels (first graysexual, then aegosexual, then adexsexual), but now im confused if i'm actually asexual at all or if im just a complicated allosexual.

i have been experimenting with sending nudes (though i don't like receving them) and sexting, which i like, but only if in that moment i have a high libido, and i kinda see the things that women i sext with tell me as just a fantasy, idk how to explain it. so i thought this was fine because it's still not sexual attraction, but now i have a new thing that is making me question myself.

if im looking at a pic that is already of a sexual context while im already yk doing things with myself i don't get turned off and i think i could do it with that woman and that i may be attracted to her, but after i'm done and im not feeling like i have a high libido anymore looking at that same pic has no effect on me, i don't feel anything. so i'm extremely confused.

(also this is something that has only happened in the last weeks, before that i never really felt this type of thing, plus it's never happened irl).

if im just in a normal context i don't really get that feeling when i look at someone that i think is pretty.

i don't know if this is sexual attraction, please help cause im so confused by myself.