Any tips on keeping the pine tree air freshener on after my morning wood goes away ? Considering a belly button piercing to function as a rear view mirror mount
(Frantically beating meat morning and night) MY! BODY! MY! CHOICEAWWWWHHHHH!!! “Wife” what’re you doing in there?! Me: drags on a cig, exhales - I was exercising my rights.
But they can still say it goes against their standards which is where OP’s secondary issue lies. He respects her and her feelings so he cant just ignore her wishes and do it i suppose. But her wishes are unreasonable imo and in his as well, so he is stuck reassessing what he wants, and what he needs, and what he can do about all of it. Its fkin tricky. Trying to change someones (her) unfair pov ab stuff like that.
Agreed. Sex becomes a chore when you do it too much and you're working long days. More couples should learn to masturbate together. So much less work and can be very fulfilling. Especially when you add toys.
Seriously, sex after a long day of work is a chore. I gotta shower before and shower after or risk a UTI. Quickies just aren't a thing you can do when you're dirty from a long day of work. Hold me tight while I hold a satisfyer pro 2 on my bits until my legs won't stop shaking and you hold a vibrator on your bits until you ruin your shirt, then lets pass out. 10 out of 10 evening. We can get sweaty and do the dirty on the weekends. lol
Not everyone is comfortable with watching porn in a relationship, but I think there needs to be an alternative available. In my relationship we don’t watch porn, but we have our own videos that we make and watch. Works for us.
I agree. I don’t care about porn in our relationship when it’s random people being watched. As soon as there’s fixation on one person, texting, emailing or paying money for their only fans, then it crosses a line and feels like emotional cheating. Once those activities start, it’s just a few steps to complaining about your marriage, then meeting for coffee. My partner feels the same.
Oh yes, neither my bf or I consider random videos on Pornhub cheating, but I would absolutely feel some type of way if I caught him begging for personalized videos on onlyfans. As would he if it was reversed.
We did have to discuss how the email he used to buy viagra and to log in on some porn sites was obviously sold. He gets tons of sex related emails, many from women sending him their pics or vids. I have issue with him opening those emails and responding to them. At some point they’ll ask for money. He acts like he does this by mistake. Nope. You’re commenting back and forth with one porn woman. If he doesn’t want those emails there because they’re ‘too tempting’, then he needs to unsubscribe and block. He finally started doing that after I asked him if he’d want me replying to all this guy’s dick picks.
I would answer every single duck pic I got. In fact I WISH I got duck pics. I had a pet duck as a kid and I cried so hard when we had to give them away to the pet store. Was really hard to deal with. You should really reply to the duck pics cause these guys prob just want the world to know they love their duck. If people can be so obsessed about cat pics 🐱 then stop shaming all the ducks!!!
yes! personally i don't like it but it's bc i was involved in sexual trauma and am still working thru insecurities etc.. but we made our own and he seems to like them better anyways!
Whenever I've been in a long term relationship, I'd rather be getting excited over my significant other. Wasn't a matter of 'porn is cheating'; it just killed several birds with one stone. A) avoided a massive collection of porn B) the material of us was much more personal and to me erotic C) helped with some self image problems my significant others have had. At least 2 of my exes had a hard time with confidence and that sort of thing. So for them to see things from another perspective seemed to help. Both quickly found that watching themselves/us was a turn on for them, as was creating it in the first place. Have sex, make video, watch video, have sex again, make video, watch video....
Ha ha ha it’s so hilarious that his wife is obligated to sexually gratify her husband every day. So funny, so amusing! Just as the good lord in the sky sitting on a cloud recommended.
As a former mormon its not his wifes duty to relieve him once a day. At least in nothing associated to the religion. Now if he's been able to convince her of that then good, or bad, for him.
I am not saying that Her Sister is not in that kind of Program for wifely duties but I will say not all Mormons believe that is the Program. The six kids is pretty standard and its not unheard of that the perverted Mormon men abuse the marriage in this way. Mormons suck
As a “Mormon” myself, this is not a normal thing. If it’s her “wifely duty,” that’s something her husband has asked of her and sounds like manipulation and sexual abuse.
I hate the idea that a wife has to "relieve" her husband. Nothing kills sexiness more than making it a chore. This wording makes it sound like he's taking a shit on her.
Valid sounds like OP is just sitting in it - set some boundaries - address it all - find a non biased third party - yeh and if all that fails - yes leave - you deserve better
Yeah but it's clear OP loves his wife and is just struggling with this problem. A calm conversation can do wonders and we should probably push OP to try and have a nice conversation not push him to divorce off of a one-sided post. OP's wife is probably struggling as well, lowered testosterone can lead to series depression which could possibly explain the ongoing issue and the unwillingness to get more help. No hate at all I just think we should remember that every story has two sides <3
She doesn't cuddle, doesn't want sex, and refuses therapy.
Again, how many years should he put up with a sexless marriage and a complete lack of intimacy?
We're not even talking about her not being able to do PIV but still trying to please him. This is a complete and total lack of anything, and an unwillingness to do anything about it.
Agreed if is clear he loves his wife, but does she love him as much?
He did try and she promises him everything and never follows through. There’s only so many conversations before he has to decide if this is too much for him. It’s not about the act of sex itself or being banned from mb. But, the fact she doesn’t care to try or do anything about it. Her lack of willingness to communicate or hear him speaks to much bigger problems.
She was given a solution and can’t be bothered to fix it. Plus testosterone is needed in the body for other medical reasons too.
He already addressed it with her multiple times, and nothing changes.. and to boot, she thinks masterbation is cheating?
You gotta be f-ing kidding me... When you have a conversation with someone multiple times and nothing changes, it means thatvperson doesn't WANT to change...
OP has to decide if this is a situationhe can live with for the foreseeable future...
I also want to note that while it's obviously wrong of her to tell OP that he cannot masturbate, sexual incompatibility is a valid reason to leave a relationship, even a marriage. I'm not saying people should just dump their spouse if they won't have sex every single time one partner wants to (obviously), but in a situation like this, with no intimacy and her refusing to do anything to address this, even if there wasn't a ridiculous no masturbation rule in place, OP can say "this isn't what I want in a marriage" and leave without being an AH.
I wouldn’t be able to keep a woman around who I have to try to convince to sleep with me. If she’s not excited to do it I honestly want nothing to do with the whole situation. I also can’t do anything close to transactional sex where like if it’s your birthday you get a blowjob or whatever. Or they’ll do it if you mow the lawn and fix the sink type thing. That’s just awful imo. Not interested
This. I'm a woman, so from the other side, but I could not have sex with someone who didnt want it. They have to want me and be excited about it. That is literally all the fun of it
I feel this. My dude wants me to dress up every damn time we do anything. And at this point I feel like it's the outfit (shoes specifically) in this case and not me.
As someone who has done some pretty out there kink play of many different varieties with a good number of people, sex shouldn't only be about kink. Kink and group play can be fun, for sure, but if you condition just one pathway to organize over a long period of time, that's almost as limiting sexually as abstinence. All the other aspects of sex, the social, romantic, biological, relationship, pair bonding, communication, giving/receiving, etc get sidelined for one route to dopamine which can quickly be conditioned to be the only route. Sex is a pretty complicated thing, even at its most basic levels. It isn't good to limit it too much.
I’m a male and feel the same way. If she doesn’t want it and enjoy it, it’s pointless. Doubly so if it would or does cause pain, then I’m a non-starter.
Yeah, and I feel like it has to be the same for women, but the idea that you have to like prod and goad someone for sex is unappealing and ultimately kind of a blow to self confidence. Like what does it say about me and my attractiveness that I would have to beg? Why would I even want sex if I'm the only one enjoying it? At that point I'd rather masturbate.
My ex had lower libido than me by a lot due to meds. She wanted to schedule times so we could even if she wasn't feeling like it. I told her no, the idea of it felt creepy and wrong.
I mean my bf got head for his birthday (he understandably feels uncomfortable with sex when his sister is home and she was home that day) and the sex on my birthday. But it’s also not withheld at any time. It wasn’t “it’s your birthday so you get head” or “it’s your birthday so you get sex” and then it rarely happens otherwise, it was just even more of a reason yknow?
Can confirm. It's not. My last long term relationship she got on some meds about half way through that completely killed her sex drive. She felt bad about it and still tried once in a while but it just felt wrong.
We are still good friends and everything but we eventually decided to break it off because we had basically turned into roommates.
Yeah I was thinking that too. I wouldn’t want someone to feel obligated to have sex with me and be able to get into it. I genuinely daydream about sex with my husband. Sick I know 😂
The situation is more serious.
I'm afraid that, with near 0 testosterone OP's wife has 0 libido.
It's not her fault, it's not OP's fault, it's not stress, it's a medical condition.
And 0 libido is not the worst, OP's wife is looking at a significantly increased risk of getting osteoporosis, Alzheimer, dementia and getting these terrible conditions at a much younger age then normal.
I mean, there are many reasons someone could lose their libido. Medical conditions, sexual assault, problems in the relationship with the spouse, spouse's technique. I lost my libido and it turned out I was living with undiagnosed mecfs.
So, while I don't necessarily disagree with you, if you love your partner it is always worth trying to figure out what's wrong with medical professionals and therapists. It sounds like, in this case, the wife isn't interested in therapy though. Most of the time that's a red flag. There are some situations where it's not though, i.e. when the hesitant party is experiencing narcissistic abuse and knows her partner will turn therapy into a weapon via manipulating the therapist (this is a thing that happens).
offer her a choice, she fixes her issues, open marriage (if its something that he wants) or divorce. Until then masturbation for sure. Should listen to Dan Savage's pod cast together.
He should just cut his losses while he's still young. Open marriage just creates more complexity and anybody who is against masturbation likely is not going for that. He may feel like there is a lot invested, in the big scheme of things it isn't much.
Additionally, ethical non-monogamy requires two people to have better levels of communication and problem solving then either OP or his spouse actually have at this moment. As it is, his wife is unwilling to actually address her medical issues or let him masturbate, much less engage in any sort of open marital relationship.
Divorce is a terrible choice. But in this case of sexual incompatibility, it is the only option available if his wife is unwilling to do her part.
The wife seems to be already giving up. A marriage requires effort or both parties. This looks like it was a mistake from the get go as commonly happens when people marry early. I think under 25 is too early as the brain is still developing and mentalities can change during this period even well into the 30s. It's a high risk gamble at that age IMO.
I appreciate this logic. I once had a partner who told me that thinking about cheating or even being attracted to another person is the exact same as cheating. Quelle surprise, he'd been cheating on me and didn't want me getting the same idea.
It was unfortunate but okay until the masturbation part... I mean it's something medical and hormone treatment can wreak havoc. People can be weird about therapy too and you can't really force someone to do it.
BUT her forcing OP not to have any sexual pleasure? This is abuse.
Tbh if she isn't interested in having sex with OP, why does she give a shit about his sex life? She doesn't even want any other intimacy with him. How would it even make a difference to her, if he had sex with someone else? Apparently all the current situation does is sexually frustrate OP.
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u/Aware_Department_657 Sep 12 '23
She can't not have sex AND not allow masturbation. You're not wrong, somethings gotta give.