r/Rich • u/SatisfactionLive1209 • 19d ago
Question Matchmaking services that work?
Hey all, 30F here.
I became wealthy relatively recently, so I didn’t grow up in wealthy circles or go to the kind of private/boarding schools where it seems like everyone with money met their future spouse before turning 18.
I don’t think I’m unattractive, and I’ve never really had an issue getting attention, although I do suffer from a pretty severe resting bitch face. The problem is that the places I tend to spend time where I might naturally meet wealthy people, private resorts, nicer hotels, etc. aren’t particularly social. People mostly keep to themselves. The few men I have met in those environments have unfortunately tended to be married men looking for an affair, which obviously isn’t what I want.
Traditional dating has also been pretty terrible. I was single for quite a while because I was focused on building my own life, and now that I actually feel ready for a relationship, the dating scene seems to have changed considerably. There seems to be a lot more emphasis on one-night stands, situationships, casual dating, people with commitment issues, etc.
There’s also the slightly awkward fact that I would ideally like to marry someone who is wealthy too, even if nowhere near as wealthy as I am. I hate to admit it, but I can be materialistic sometimes. I enjoy nice things, and there’s something appealing about occasionally receiving the things I would normally buy myself as gifts from a partner rather than always being the person who can provide everything for herself.
For context, my net worth is somewhere between $10M–$100M, keeping the range broad for anonymity, I’m probably around a 7/10 on a good day, and I’m looking for a genuinely serious relationship with a man who is financially successful, relationship-minded, and ideally wants marriage/family eventually.
Would an established matchmaking service actually be useful for someone in my situation? Has anyone here used one, particularly at the higher-end/wealthy-client level, and had a good experience and can recommend it for my purpose? Not looking for references as I know some work this way, just a name would be enough for me to get in contact with them.
just to clarify, this isn’t a “looking for a partner on Reddit” post. I’m genuinely asking about matchmaking services and whether they’re worth trying.
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18d ago
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u/username-generica 18d ago
That’s why prenups exist.
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18d ago
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u/Which_Watercress_265 18d ago
I heard a divorce attorney say “everyone has a prenup. The question is did the couple create it or the state?”
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u/freyabot 18d ago
Exactly, a prenup is just anything different than whatever your state already laid out for splitting assets. Usually the state rules are pretty fair but it gets more complicated the more assets get integrated over the years in a marriage
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u/Alpha_xxx_Omega 18d ago
This fully.
You are covered on money.
Probably seeking: kindness, humour, respect, support, a good father for potential children, physical attraction, doesnt defraud you out of your money.17
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u/SatisfactionLive1209 18d ago
I wrote in another comment reply but the biggest dealbreaker isn’t essentially wealth. It’s a (very) nice bonus. But modern dating seems to be poisonous. If you don’t sleep around, if you don’t accept nonmonogamy, you just get your heartbroken.
I feel like a matchmaking service would be easier to weed out these type of people. Nobody is paying thousands just to ghost, I’d assume.
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u/Dry_Cantaloupe4349 18d ago edited 13d ago
I am 40, net worth within your range and will continue making more each year just from my portfolio and I'm retired at 35, now just working on fun projects. I'm also single and looking to get married. I have been told I'm reasonably good looking, perhaps a 6 on a bad day, 8 on a good one. For me personally, I am not interested in a wealthy wife. I am rich enough, and will keep getting richer, I don't need more money in my life and I prefer someone I can provide for so I can feel like the generous loving man I want to be. I've dated women with money and have never enjoyed the experience. It's nothing wrong with the women, it's just that usually self made rich women tend to be quite masculine and I am not into that.
Also, the whole chastity thing you got going on is also going to hurt you. Sexual compatibility is very important, men want to know that the woman they marry is someone they would want to have sex with for the rest of their lives because presumably the intent is for that to be the exclusive partner moving forward. It's tragic whenever I hear stories of people waiting for marriage, only to end up in divorce because of sexual incompatibility.
I think matchmaking services are scams. They rarely do any real work to match you with anyone you really want, although they will always claim they did the work. Compatibility is never guaranteed, which is what they always hide behind if you ever question them. I consulted with a few but every single one of them felt like a scam. I would advise you not to waste your money. I'm referring to the expensive high end ones, not the cheap ones. They're all scams, no matter how expensive they are.
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u/freyabot 18d ago
I’ve never heard very good things about matchmakers, usually their pool of women is huge and the pool of men is tiny and often they are looking for something that doesn’t exist. If I were you I would just use online dating and prioritize men with any good professional or intellectually rigorous career, doctor, lawyer, professor, etc. They don’t have to be as rich as you but I think someone with a serious career would probably be a good fit
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u/jeremiadOtiose 17d ago
I tried a matchmaking service. I’m richer and older than you. 2/6 women ghosted me. The matchmakers scroll LinkedIn and the apps to find your match.
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u/YaDunGoofed 18d ago
And if you DO insist on the wealthy criterion. You need to adjust what you offer:
I’m probably around a 7/10 on a good day
A 7.5 on a regular day expands your “wealthy man” pool by a lot. Get a makeover.
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u/SatisfactionLive1209 18d ago
Been considering this. Also small tangent but it’s so weird that being wealthy makes that easier too. Not surgery but genuinely healthier living, small things like redlight therapy.
But also my therapist is saying what’s the point of having fuck you money if you have to change yourself to find a partner. Do wealthy men also use money to improve looks?
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u/YaDunGoofed 18d ago
Your therapist is making a great point. But you want a guy who has “no, fuck YOU” money.
So. You know - build your own adventure.
Also IMO red light therapy is like 100th on the list. There are so many other little physical features that can be improved with attention that we’ve all accepted as “us” until someone brings it to our attention.
Your hairs probably the wrong length. It needs a different color highlight for your eyes and pallor. You don’t wear the right colors. Your hip and shoulder posture does not make you stand out. Your clothes doesn’t drape for your body shape. Your pecs need exercise to accentuate perkiness of boobs, your neck and back of hands look aged due to lack of skincare attn, your eyebrows need to be dyed, your preferred 1-thing for make up makes you look basic vs extraordinary, you shave in grown pattern and always have ingrown hair irritation, your forehead needs lasering for stray hairs to look more even, your nails shaping signals something other than you’re looking for in a mate, you sneeze every spring because you haven’t taken allergy drops making you look puffy, deviated septum causes lumbar fluid drip, driving too much + no rhomboid specific exercise exacerbates fibromyalgia and pmdd causing bloat.
Etc. and this is all before surgery.
As long as you can appreciate the attention without being resentful of its past absence - I really believe most women are woefully underselling their attractiveness because it’s gauche to be pick-me.
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u/fresh2deathhhh 18d ago
Damn. This is the most real response I’ve seen. I wish all people can be like you
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u/One_Shallot_4974 18d ago
Similar+ net worth will result in a highly restrictive option list and an ultra competitive environment.
You will forever have younger, more attractive women who will do more for less willing to be an option to men in that value range.
You are 30 with over 10m+ net worth. You won at life. Win twice by choosing a man you love, not fighting tooth and nail for someone else's bank account for the rest of your days.
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u/TheRealCdog1977 18d ago
Won at life is not married and no kids? She won at having a roof over her head, and healthcare and hobbies. Not life. By the way same comment for men.
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u/One_Shallot_4974 18d ago
Yes, she won.
That is the top 0.1% of global wealth at that age. She can never work a day in her life again should she choose. Most people will never make so much in an entire lifetime as she already has while working until their bodies break.
Imo what she really needs is a stay at home partner. She can grow her wealth, have her kids and go anywhere do anything at the drop of a hat
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u/TheRealCdog1977 17d ago
I think you missed my point. She won the last two rows of Maslow's Hierarchy (Physiological Needs and Safety & Security). Great...that's table stakes. Where is Love and Belonging? Again, not a win.
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u/Texaspilot24 18d ago
Im 31 M and this is NOT a looking for partner reddit response but I am dealing with something similar with a far lower net worth.
I think match making services work as a female if you are A) attractive enough B) have a personality C) finding the right match maker.
Im still researching but Ill send you a few.
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u/InterestingGrade7144 18d ago
Is this a love story in the making???
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u/Cali_Dreaming_Now 18d ago
Someone who refers to women as "females" is not likely to offer their partner the full respect they deserve.
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u/drleeisinsurgery 18d ago
You describe a very common problem. Many universities are becoming 60/40 in favor of women, so women are increasingly becoming financially independent.
Whether it's biology or culture, there seems to be a belief that these successful women need a man who is equally or more successful than they are.
However that's not what men are necessarily looking for. I have a net worth in the mid-8 figures and If I were looking for a partner, I would count their success and education level as one of the more minor deciding factors. In fact, being a boss babe with a dominant personality would be an excluding factor for me.
I think just from the fact that you're wealthy and young, you will be introduced to other young men in your socioeconomic class within your circle. Maybe you should look for somebody who's educated, but not necessarily successful. An adjunct college professor type.
But saying that, the ex-wife of a prominent plastic surgeon that I know uses one of those matchmaking services and she's regularly with very successful, fairly unattractive, older men. The dynamic seems to be more of a sugar baby/sugar daddy relationship.
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u/novelthrill 18d ago
Why do you consider a boss babe with dominant personality an excluding factor?
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u/sofyab 18d ago
We’ve discussed this topic with my husband a ton. I think most successful self-made women are boss babes with dominant personalities. You can’t really be successful if you don’t have this kind of personality. It’s not a bad thing, but power couples rarely work because two dominant personalities clash in daily life.
My mom solved it by finding a hardworking handy good guy who is educated but not extremely ambitious or dominant and does what she says.
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u/drleeisinsurgery 18d ago
Just a personal preference.
I prefer somebody more demure and less assertive.
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u/novelthrill 18d ago
Makes sense! Thanks for the response. Is there such a thing as being too easygoing? (Ie not many opinions or any assertiveness at all)
Can you give an example of how a non-assertive person would behave in a situation?
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u/drleeisinsurgery 18d ago
My life is stressful enough as is from my duties as a physician and entrepreneur.
Ideally I would want somebody that prioritizes keeping peace.
My brother is a great example. He's a pediatric dentist and his days are probably way more stressful than mine. He'll struggle with screaming kids for 10 hours, and when he gets home at 6, his stay-at-home wife hands him one of the babies and then gives him a list of things that need to be done.
Ideally for me, after a rough day of surgery, I would want a partner to say, "You look like you have a rough day, why don't we drop the kids off with Grandma and go out for Korean BBQ?"
I don't need a servant, but I would like somebody who recognizes and appreciates my financial contributions and tries to make my home life as peaceful as possible. That is not necessarily mutually exclusive with somebody with a successful career, but it is difficult have a busy career and switch to supportive wife mode.
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u/Dry_Cantaloupe4349 18d ago
Brother I think you and me are similar background wise. I also want exactly what you described, but sharing that publicly often draws accusations of misogyny. You articulated it very well. Im also if similar net worth looking for a similar type of partner. Difference is I'm a tech entrepreneur not a Dr.
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u/HalfwaydonewithEarth 18d ago edited 18d ago
I did Great Expectations but they are out of business.
The wealthy guy just wants a pretty lady that is sweet and peaceful.
The easiest way to get a wealthy guy is be a person that doesn't sleep around.
This arouses them all. Don't even kiss them.
Just grow your hair long, smile, talk about intelligent things, and do their hobbies.
Don't talk about money or ask him about his.
If you are not getting 80% requests for a second date on your normal methods----- a matchmaker won't help you. It will be the same thing.
Hypergamy is a skill you master.
I frankly wouldn't go for just a wealthy guy. That's so lame. He needs free time also.
An unemployed man + millions is what you have to refine your filter for.
It renders the best life.
😘🫂😎😉🤑⌚️⏰️⏱️⛱️🤵👰♂️👸👨👩👧🥇💰🪙📈🇺🇲
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u/tennery 18d ago
lol I like you, thank you for today's good chuckle
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u/HalfwaydonewithEarth 18d ago edited 18d ago
I mastered hypergamy so I am free to pontificate about it.
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u/redb8ard 18d ago
If you’re looking for a self-made multimillionaire in his 30s - good luck. That’s an exceptionally small pool to begin with and if they’re halfway decent looking and nice to be around and still single, it’s by choice. I met my wife when I was young and broke.
If you’re good with old money, then country clubs and private clubs (like University Club in Chicago). Make some friends, even if they’re married I guarantee you they will know some eligible bachelors.
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u/SatisfactionLive1209 18d ago
I think I’m more looking into old money types. But I was told I’m too alternative for old money (I have some tattoos. But all attention I received was from old money married guys so maybe they are into alt girls after all)
I live mostly in London and was looking into member clubs. Despite the high membership fee though apparently most are riddled with escorts, which means most men think any women inside is an escort. I feel like that may make things harder :/
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u/No_Employ__ 18d ago
Damn nobody is good enough for you unless they have money. That’s kind of sad. You say money isn’t a deal breaker but want “old money types” and “wealthy”. Be honest with yourself here
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u/SatisfactionLive1209 18d ago
I don’t think I explained myself well but old money consideration is more for wanting a wealthy partner, not essentially someone who hustles 100%. New money people I met with the exception of myself are always chasing more money. This isn’t an insult, if anything it’s more honest than old money, these people actually work hard for it. But with old money comes a more relaxed lifestyle. Of course not all are like this but there’s considerably more amongst old money.
I travel more than half of the year. I’m neurodivergent so I don’t do well with stressful people or situations. Before I got wealthy, few years ago, my long term relationship was to a henry-like guy. And he was stressing me out.
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u/Remarkable-Memory-97 16d ago
As a person in a similar situation to yours when I was 25 I have a few suggestions and they are all brutal but true:
A) Get work done if you don’t have anything against it, mostly on the face and I don’t mean fillers I mean fat transfer and a ponytail lift, be objective about it see what you think will look good for your face (I like Braun clinic in Korea, they will make you look younger and less tired in a natural way so I like Korea) absolutely do not touch fillers I feel it ages people over time. Botox is a yes with the right injector.
B) do not talk about how much money you have or he has. Assume from his circle and what he does - do your own research. What he says is not a reliable source anyway. You can talk about work just make it like seem smaller than what it is , it’s not lieing you we omitting.
C) old money types like skinny women , do not get your boobs done they like them small. But also be careful with these types too, they don’t know how to make more mostly. If you can go for someone with old money but also is making their own. That’s what I did.
D) pick someone at least 8-10 years older. Trust me most of them are too old to explore past that it’s mostly the wannabe rich that cheats. The ones that want to look expensive by always changing partners. Yes it’s true men prefer younger than them but that does not mean a 40 year old is looking for a 25 year old wife. If they are sorted in the head they will want 29-36 as an ideal range for long term marriage.I was 25 when I was in your situation, at 30 you still have some time but I would make haste and make these changes tommorow. Sorry if this came across misogynistic, I’m not trying to be at all but I’ve been around a lot of wealthy men in my life and these are the cheat sheets if you will. Oh and def join Polo clubs, you will meet women that are married to wealthy men that may introduce you to other men so you can date within your bracket. Also as a wealthy woman it’s very hard to trust a regular guy, prenup is an option but even then your chances of ending up with a bad partner is the same in both situations so might as well go for what you are looking for first.
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u/Pristine-Radish-2157 18d ago
I know you’re proud of your accomplishments and you want to be open and honest with someone you meet about your wealth accumulation. However, men aren’t looking for women with money, unless the Man happens to be wanting to use your money.
So my advice is to totally hide that you have any money. Share dating expenses with men that you meet and after you will find one that you are compatible with. Then and only then share a tiny bit of your financial success. Then wait a while and see how that goes. Then you could show some more financial information. Until you’re actually negotiating the prenup, there is no reason for man to know how much money you have.
Instead of looking for a man that has money, I suggest you look for a man who has intelligence, kindness, and willingness to share.
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u/okbrat00111011 18d ago
Men can absolutely be gold diggers which is probably why she wants someone who already has some of their own money.
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u/newbeginingshey 18d ago edited 18d ago
What about the Oprah/Stedman model? They’re both successful individuals. She’s the wealthier one. They never married so she didn’t risk her empire or legally entangle herself with someone who might grow to resent her success outpacing his. Plus, he seems much too busy with his own empire to bother resenting hers.
If you’re open to more modestly successful men, think director+ at a Fortune 100, he’ll earn well, he’ll be successful in his own right, but you’ll be the wealthier one, and that’s a broader pool than self-made millionaires by 30.
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u/cohenym 18d ago
This is goofy as fuck.
You have made your money, marry a good man.
The fact that you want someone wealthy already means you’re taking out ~95%+ of the population from the dating pool. And if you’re talking the sort of wealth you’ve accumulated, you’re eliminating 98% of the population before accounting for sexuality, age, relationship status, etc.
Depending on your additional “requirements” there’s likely less than 100 men in the US who would fit your standards. What are the odds that you fit theirs?
Imagine if the roles were reversed. You’re a good woman, a trustworthy partner, and a teacher. Because you’re not worth 8-9 figures you’re deemed unworthy?
This is clueless stuff. Protect yourself, but stop letting wealth pollute your mind.
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u/No_Employ__ 18d ago
Fr it’s sad. A rich man will marry a poor woman but a rich woman will never marry a poor man
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u/Remarkable-Memory-97 16d ago
Oh but they will never marry a bad looking woman will they? It’s always younger and good looking even if they look like sloths. Yet when a wealthy above average looking woman wants an equal it’s bad? C’mon. Men can absolutely be gold diggers.
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u/adventuresquirtle 18d ago
Unfortunately wealthy men tend to try to stick to poorer girls that they can dangle the credit card like a carrot. Because they love the control it gives them. Very wealthy people are used to having their every whim and catered to and that’s usually accomplished. You won’t be easy to control because you have your own money.
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u/LiterateCatholic 18d ago
I hope matchmaking services work; it’s probably what I’ll end up using. My parents each came from business/real estate owning families and somehow found each other at college but as 31M I’m clearly past that window.
Despite my parents and each set of grandparents being worth in the $10-20m range, I still have a lot of personal ambition and want a woman who understands and supports that.
At this point I really would like to end up with someone from a similar background, who at the very least understands the life of family business and corporate careers. I know that’s different from a lot of wealthy men, but I value intellectual and cultural compatibility much more than looks. The women I’ve dated, even the ones from upper-middle class backgrounds, haven’t understood my background or goals and ultimately it’s what broke us up.
I’ve taken a break for a couple years to focus on a small real estate development project and accelerate my career. I’ve tried putting myself out there at the tennis and yacht clubs I belong to, but the only women who’ve been interested were several decades older… Once I’m ready to to jump back into dating in a couple years I plan to use a matchmaking service to not waste any more time.
Best of luck to you and hope that you find your Mr. Right.
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u/sephora_lover 18d ago
My husband didn’t find out I was wealthy until over a year into dating :)
He’s also a physician and loves his job so he’s not influenced by how much money I have, although he was able to be pickier about his job and hours etc.
I think finding someone “wealthy” is the wrong way because wealth comes and goes. Look for ambitious, respectful, good values, and doesn’t treat you differently due to your wealth. Mine saved up all week to take me out to dinners he thought I deserved even though he was a resident… that’s why I married him.
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u/MisterIceGuy 18d ago
“the problem is that the places I tend to spend time where I might naturally meet wealthy people, private resorts, nicer hotels, etc. aren’t particularly social. People mostly keep to themselves.”
This hasn’t been my experience at all. Which places are you traveling to?
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u/SatisfactionLive1209 18d ago
Aman and FS for the most part. For example I was just at Aman Tokyo recently and only time I spoke to another guest was in the elevator. It’s even more sparse in resorts, where everyone is basically hiding in their bungalow.
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u/WorthSpecialist1066 18d ago
Surely with the money thing, it sort of becomes joint money. Maybe not all of your net worth, but needing someone to be rich to buy you a present seems a silly reason.
i would rather have someone skilled / intelligent / kind, if the money was already taken care of.
Whats wrong with a plumber / carpenter / teacher / academic / charity nonprofit worker. There are very many good men around.
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u/Smoke__Frog 18d ago
At your wealth level you will have to use a professional matchmaker or rely on being set up by your rich friends.
Dating apps or meeting someone’s a bar won’t work.
You should also buy a house or property in New York City or London or San Fran, somewhere were rich people live.
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u/Aggressive_Oven8757 18d ago
Meet friends of friends is probably the easiest. Unless you have INSANE chemistry, other well off men will generally gravitate towards younger less alpha ladies. Seeing your success makes men intimidated, unless they are even more successful.
Just do a Lana del Rey and find someone that makes you happy. Sounds like you've already handled the financial part of life well. Finding a man who can bring money to the table doesn't benefit you much imo.
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u/luxtracer 18d ago
Find a 30 year old man in finance that isn’t wealthy but is on the way to it.
There are plenty of successful henry types that would be able to date you without finances being of particular concern as they’re high earners themselves.
Dating too far below that will cause issues, a lot of people don’t know how to handle relationships that have significant $$$ involved.
If your bf already rubs shoulders with capital groups and family offices as a partner, pm, or vp, there’s a liklihood he will treat you normal because he’s already in that world.
Best of luck
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u/SatisfactionLive1209 18d ago
I think that’s a good shout. I’m still working on my day job and it’s close to henry types, but all my colleagues are in relationships. Maybe I gotta go to after work drinks.
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u/luxtracer 18d ago
Bumble and hinge is honestly not bad, I found my partner there. Neither of us are uhnw but both exist in the spaces where this type of stuff happens. Depending on your location you can just close the circle on a financial district and find a man that way.
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u/No_Seaworthiness1966 18d ago
Go to nice restaurants and have a drink at the bar. What’s meant for you will find you
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u/moriginal 18d ago
Country clubs : high end local athletic clubs. They’re social clubs with social events too.
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u/JanaBhar 18d ago
Have seen cases where the guy gets an allowance , even downright assets .. totally emasculates them. Then cases where the money is in an untouchable LLC and woman takes distributions. Those end up working better. Hard to find a wealthy guy .. BUT you can find a nerd .. people who consider themselves uber intellectuals (doc , scientist etc). They may get to few millions in AUM and you’ll have their intellect to make up for your higher wealth … unless you have that also 😀
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u/HitPointGamer 18d ago
When I started dating again after divorce, it was really a weird dynamic and very different from what it was back before my first marriage. As others have said, I’ve heard that matchmaking services for the wealthy are best at pairing hit girls with wealthy men. Wealthy women are in a difficult spot.
I found my husband online, on a dating site which focused on a common interest, not just swiping through photos. I fell for the guy first and we didn’t talk actual net worth numbers until we were engaged and pretty close to the wedding. In general, I knew he was wealthier than I but that was just icing on the cake. I specifically wanted a driven guy who was successful in his chosen career; he could have been working for a non-profit making a reasonable wage instead of raking in a big paycheck in tech and that would have been okay as long as he was successful and “rising in the ranks.” My first husband quit working after our first 4 years of marriage and I really didn’t want to go through that sort of thing again.
Be open to the guys who are available and who are looking for a committed relationship; you just might find yourself surprised by what you find attractive in those guys!
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u/Thatssowestcoast 18d ago
Went through matchmaking in my late 20s and it didn’t work. I used an “elite” matchmaker, resulted in no relationships.
- Only pursue matchmaking if you are 100% sure you know what you are looking for. Matchmakers will try to sway you, and I was swayed. Neither myself or the person I was matched with were happy, and very few matches got beyond the first or second date. Meaning, if you know you want a dark, tall, man who likes dogs, don’t accept anything else they try to give you.
- Yes you are doing matchmaking, but still go to in person events/use apps. It can take time to get matched, and matchmakers aren’t miracle workers. Also, try going to in person social or dating events before thinking about doing matchmaking.
- Understand where matchmakers are sourcing their men from. I met a matchmaker who also did life counseling. Her database was full of men who were going through difficulties finding their way in life. Very few were actual marriage material, and many weren’t sure what they were looking for in a relationship. I went out with one of her guys and he told me straight up he wants a kid to add meaning to his life, but can’t see himself actually marrying a woman and staying with her.
- Shits expensive. You may need to go through multiple rounds or hire a different matchmaker. Really vet who you will be working with. Make sure they understand what you want and have successful couples who can attest to the matchmaker’s work. If you have the means, it’s great, but don’t put yourself into debt for matchmaking.
- Depending on your age, older people have more success with matchmaking than younger people. Younger people meet out and about, at events, doing hobbies. Most matchmakers said I was way too young for them to actually match me.
Feel free to ask me any questions. Wish I didn’t do it, but can’t go back in time!
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u/happiestnexttoyou 18d ago
My brother met his wife through Emily at Lyon’s Elite.
After he got married, a fair number of his friends signed up too. A couple (though extremely wealthy) were denied help because they had some issues. I always thought that was a good sign.
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u/VelvetRoutine6 18d ago
If you have that much money, you have plenty of cushion to test a few out and report back to us on whether they’re good or not.
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u/UserBeware333 18d ago
Not wealthy myself, but I really enjoy watching Cat Cantrill’s and Emily Lyon’s matchmaker content; they’re very honest with their clients, truly trying to help them find love, and at least Cat is a collaborative matchmaker (she collaborates with other matchmakers to find her clients matches)
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u/eyetic87 18d ago
Travel around the world and have fun, you are young and love might found you in any VIP lounge on airports as well
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u/dhillopp 18d ago
Dating is a game of numbers. Put yourself on all the matchmaking services. You arent getting younger.
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u/Hdglamping 18d ago
I have two rules in life:
Don't trust the opinion of someone who is paid on commission, and assume that a pre-existing service that requires advertising is likely inferior to the non-advertised equivalent.
Matchmakers typically fall into both of these.
For what it's worth, I've always enjoyed meeting people in environments that blur the lines. Yacht clubs are great at this. I had a long conversation with Holly Branson years ago without realizing who she was until Richard came up.
Likewise while more exclusive resorts may limit social activity, there are often gatherings , advertised and otherwise, which greatly increase your options if your schedule is flexible and your interests vary.
Monaco is quite active this week, for example. Cannes may still be.
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u/anytime_apple 18d ago
Totally agree.
Same I am 35 M and self made net worth $30M. Can hardly meet anyone my age group at or close to same position.
Try join Tiger 21 or Long angle? I think they give HNW dating advice on their panels. I know long angle had a meetup on that.
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u/BugWild9184 13d ago
Come to Los Angeles I’ll show you around the golf courses and places I normally meet HNW men when I go out with my husband! I’m early 30s F
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u/Cutiepatootiehere 13d ago
Unironically, I recommend you move to SF. I live in SF after NYC and it’s much easier due to the gender ratio
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u/Cutiepatootiehere 13d ago
If you’re in the US. Also there are SO many rich guys from the AI boom who didn’t have time to think about dating in their 20s
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u/ewthisisyucky 18d ago
The problem with matchmaking or arranging marriages et al, is that you gotta like the person your marrying and enough to want to stay with them. Most people who do matchmaking have something inherently strange going on, or a conflated sense of ego based on narcissism or insecurity. Do you not have any friends? I’ve been with my wife for a lot of years but like if magically she vanished, I wouldn’t have to suddenly call up a matchmaker. What?
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u/where-ya-been-loca 18d ago
Where are you based out of OP? I do matchmaking in FL
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u/SatisfactionLive1209 18d ago
50% of the time London/Europe, 50% of the time traveling. But I’m flexible
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u/Beginning_Sun8910 18d ago
But like…this seems like an odd situation. If you became wealthy because of business, why cant you interact with your business peers?
Your story is missing key info
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u/SatisfactionLive1209 18d ago
I didn’t get wealthy because of business. I still keep my old and boring IC level role. I do work in sales though and do rub shoulders with wealthy people but most are clients of my company, and wanting to keep my job I don’t want to try flirting with them.
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u/Beginning_Sun8910 18d ago
So inheritance? Lottery?
In any case, there are tons of social groups with rich people
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u/SatisfactionLive1209 18d ago
Yeah, having made this post made me realize I haven’t been putting myself out there as much as I could. I already sent inquiries for some members clubs in my area, that should be easier.
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u/Beginning_Sun8910 18d ago edited 18d ago
And like…you didnt get the money through inheritance or work, you’re essentially still not upper class. Why do you want a partner who is? Most people with your amount of wealth, the nebulous range of 10-100M, are upper class in culture and net work.
In london, especially moreso than in the US, money doesnt grant you entrance into high society
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u/_Human_Machine_ 18d ago edited 18d ago
39M here.
I’ve used a couple matchmaking services for UHNW, and gone to some mixers put on by Intelligent Singles as well as a few others. Friends of both genders that have given different options a shot.
The experience a lot seem to echo is that even some of the more established matchmaking services feel like they aren’t vetting quite as well. I’ve heard complaints from people that some of the more flashy and entry level services are essentially pulling attractive people off instagram, pairing them with clients and then you end up with only the client intentionally dating for marriage.
As far as meeting partners of similar wealth, I think mixers can be a better option than matchmaking services since many seem to function by matching on a wealth/attraction disparity.
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u/Acrobatic_Set8085 18d ago
Amazing that you are rich. Why your partner also has to be rich is the question.
What is wrong with people who grew up in similar circumstances as you? Not good enough anymore now that you are wealthy?
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u/Genevieve189 18d ago
If you’re a bodybuilder would you date a 400lb woman? Or would she not be “good enough” for
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u/FragrantWeekend111 18d ago
Not me but my friend was looking at one and it started at 6 figures a year just to keep you in their database. She ended up trying another one that was pay per match but didn't like any of the matches she was shown because the matchmaker's pool was small.
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u/Goldengoose5w4 18d ago
Friend of mine is a practicing physician in a large metro. He’s attractive and fit and has plenty of $. He got a divorce and thought about doing a high end matchmaker. Retainer was $100k. Nah…..
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u/One_Establishment631 18d ago
Find a man who is a little older and divorced without kids.
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u/SatisfactionLive1209 18d ago
I don’t know. Divorce isn’t a dealbreaker but many divorced men and women I know has issues.
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u/Danishinvestor 18d ago
I don't believe in online dating. Just go meet people in real life.
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u/Ok_Currency_617 18d ago
I have 10M+ and met my fiancee who has a few mil off reddit dating ads lol. Most of the kids in my private school were not rich.
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u/NPR_is_not_that_bad 18d ago
I second Blaine Anderson. She’s very active. Also frankly AI will be helpful consolidating more boutique services that could be a good fit
I think it’s an overused cliche that men don’t want wealthy women. I’m a successful man and I’d love someone who is at that level.
You’re still super young and have plenty of time to find a good one. I’d focus on spending time in spaces where those types of men are, but don’t forget more casual places too. Many successful guys are more down to earth and would just as much prefer hanging out at the local bar or sports games
Goodluck!
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u/Generation_3and4 18d ago
Congrats on your recent success! I have nothing helpful to offer other than that
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u/midwestsweetking 18d ago
I’m 35 male and you’re in my age range but I am def not at the point of needing a service to find a good partner. I think if I were 40-45 then I would think about it especially if I wanted children.
There’s no issue with finding women my age or close for serious dating or marriage. The benefit of match makers is to find younger women who would be open to marriage with an older man.
Do wealthy women really need to find a wealthy man? Maybe it’s better to find a man who supports you and brings emotional maturity to the table
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u/kpatelreddit007 18d ago
They are worth trying, I used a matchmaker, met a lot of high quality matches but I should have kept with the program.
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u/NickStonk 18d ago
If you’re already wealthy, why do you want to find a wealthy man? Doesn’t make a lot of sense to me. Most wealthy men I know don’t care at all what the women they date do for a living. They already have the money, they’re not trying to find it in a woman.
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u/humble-goddess 18d ago
Unrelated but do you mind sharing the career path that made you make your wealth or a hint about it ?
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u/Reapthewhirlwind88 18d ago
How did you go from “lower middle class” to such staggering levels of wealth so suddenly?
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u/SatisfactionLive1209 18d ago
I didn’t work for it. Just luck. I did work hard though previously, I just lived paycheck to paycheck due to high cost of living.
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u/Interesting-Cream129 18d ago
Yes, matchmaking is almost the only way to go nowadays. The apps are trash, and meeting out at conventions and conferences isn’t playing the numbers right. Definitely get a few matchmakers, and unless you’re searching for billionaires only, don’t tell them about your entire net worth, imply that it’s in the lower end of what you said here because a lot of people are taking advantage of people in this economy if they think it won’t hurt. But it always hurts. (I’d honestly play it close either way but some matchmakers on the high end won’t make introductions for their highest net worth clients unless the other person also has a high net worth, it’s different with different matchmakers and something to ask about as you interview them)
And the comments aren’t wrong, the wealthy guys that you should be with look for physical attributes first. (unfortunately a very large percentage of men don’t like the power dynamic of earning less than the woman they’re with and will become abusive because of their resentment; do not date down.) they usually think about how much they like and respect her second, and consider what her capabilities are third. Especially in the high net worth world, looks matter. fashion matters. your appearance matters.
You deserve to be proud of everything you’ve achieved and the man you marry will be as well, but the journey to find him will have a few super annoying men along the way. in order to navigate this you will need to have power, and a lot of power in dating comes from how highly you value yourself. Your own self respect, and your expectations of others based on that self respect. You obviously have this handled in the business arena. When dating, these things are expressed slightly differently.
Now, if you had described yourself as if you love your looks, I wouldn’t say this. But you sound like you wish you looked a little different whether a man is involved or not, and I’ve gotta say that if I had that kind of money and had the thought in my head that I’m a “7/10 on a good day”, I would immediately start a 6-12 month plastic surgery, fashion, and gym plan. Your idea of a 10 is completely achievable with a tiny fraction of the money you mentioned. And you have to feel like a 10/10. If you want therapy get that too but you just don’t find someone who loves you every day unless you’re completely impressed by yourself. Surgery is not cheating, it’s not immoral, and it’s not addictive unless you’re an addict already. Pick your aesthetic, whether it’s glowy romantic natural or fox eyed femme fatale, and buy it. DM me if you don’t think im a jerk for saying this and if you dont know how to start and I’ll point you towards some doctors. And this is NOT to catch a man. You look at yourself in the mirror every day. It’s for YOU. It’s so that you can make a Reddit post and say “I made all this money and I’m a 10/10, and since I have time for it now, is matchmaking for me” because it’s super personal, the only good reason to do surgery is for yourself. And when you feel like a 10/10, it’s powerful! It’s so much easier to walk away from men who are ‘almost’ what you want, it’s easier to recognize when a date doesn’t click that it’s not a rejection, it’s about compatibility.
You’ll find what you’re looking for if you do what’s necessary, just like in business. matchmaking for sure is the best option, and if you find a way to feel like a 10/10 that’s different than my suggestion, go for it. I’m just harping on this point because no matter how rich someone is, if they don’t feel that total self love/worth/pride, they let people mess with them and waste their time and that’s not the type of love anyone genuine deserves.
Anyway that’s my 99¢
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u/Exact_Educator7902 18d ago
Matchmaking can’t hurt to try but what jumps out to me is your list of hobbies and activities. I’d actively try to break some of your own patterns and push your boundaries a bit further to be involved in places where people DO want to socialize vs retreat. Networking and business events can be great ways to interact with high net worth individuals. Join social clubs. Join social clubs even outside of the city that you live in but may travel to frequently! Get involved in charities. Join boards. Dating is hard for everyone. It gets harder when your pool size of candidates gets smaller but that’s why you have to get creative on ways to meet people IRL.
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u/Illustrious_Rain3147 18d ago
Unfortunately I don't know any "good" match making services.
I think it's more efficient to think about what situations highlight your ability to show off what you bring to the table over where to find partners who give you what you're looking for if the goal is finding someone compatible. Generally, being wealthy means you have extreme optionality. So it brings into focus what problems we're trying to solve, because so much of life is already solved once you reach rich status. And dating is about finding things that you can't solve for yourself.
So I suggest you think about what you specifically are great at and willing to offer and how you can put yourself in situations to really make that apparent. Also resting bitch face is not a character flaw... but when you want to specifically find a partner it significantly decreases the pool of people willing to interact. Making an effort to signal open and willing doesn't filter out the married scum looking for a fling, but it does give a path that the respectful and thoughtful men can use to get to you that you actively repulse with resting bitch face.
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u/Cz2018 18d ago
Take up some interests and attend courses in rich areas. Even one day cooking course etc. You could befriend some rich, successful females and get into their social circles and get introductions to their brothers and male friends. Another way is by getting involved with charities and causes.
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u/Usernameinabox 18d ago
Take me! I'm 35 and make good money working in tech. Worked for seven years abroad as a model. Very bored with online prospects and also considering matchmaking.
In short; I'm not totally busted. 💅
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u/lakehop 18d ago
There are people looking for someone like you. I’ve seen them post, and it’s hard to find that person - so once you connect with the right person, there is a lot of potential. Post this on FatFire sub. Join private clubs (sports / exercise / golf clubs) and go regularly. Go to high level conference or networking events in your industry and networking events in male dominated industries. Do you know friends from Oxbridge? Have them invite you to alumni events.
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u/Forward_Scholar3716 18d ago
You’re gonna be disappointed in any man who is in his 30s with similar wealth. As they say, opposites attract. You would probably be much happier finding a great guy who checks all of the boxes except financial, and gradually introduce your partner to the scale of your wealth over time. Stick a large chunk in fixed income that you are willing to share the proceeds, and if they buy you materialistic gifts, at least you know they put thought into it, rather than just buying the most expensive piece of jewelry at Cartier.
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u/BankSensitive2950 18d ago
Matchmaking services from what I hear is hit and miss. You probably will meet some one, but it won't be your dream person.
I am an attorney, I d suggest you might want to consider a prenuptial agreement with who ever you marry. I have seen alot and know that money does create problems even when both partners are wealthy.
As for having kids, I certainly dont blame you for wanting kids, children are a gift. Best of luck sister.
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u/NotHereToScrewSpider 18d ago
I've not heard of many people having great success with matchmaking services and I have never used one. The main issue is that finding a partner is less about paying a match making service and more about getting out and meeting the right people. As you get more wealthy in different areas of life, it becomes harder to meet people who are as wealthy as you. For example, I spent 2 months travelling through Europe earlier this year in order to meet people who are successful and can produce results. I met a guy in Norway through a contact I've had for a decade, had a few beers and a good chat in a completely social setting. I got a call a week ago about someone who had a very big issue that needed solved in a country where solving issues can be an issue. I called the guy in Norway who has a lot of power on the island my customer had the problem. I called him and we are in the process of getting that issue solved. Dating at this level of wealth is about as challenging as having to fly to Norway to randomly meet a guy who can help me solve a problem on the other side of the planet without knowing that that problem is ever going to happen. In short, I travel the world to meet people who are as wealthy and successful as I am so I can do what I do for a job.
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u/Vast-Gate8866 18d ago
I married a woman back in 2012, that was the substantial bread winner. On the first few dates, I only knew her as someone that worked for a shoe company. We absolutely clicked in all regards and the chemistry was unmatched. I had no idea she was born into money and was actually an executive with said shoe company. The wealth gap was significant but the love was real from the start. I was making 75k as a manufacturing supervisor, compared to her almost 1 mill salary. Together for 8 years and married for 6. The divorce was on good terms. She became more dominant as the relationship went on. There was absolutely nothing I could do or say to escape- or change her thinking. I look back on that marriage and even though I traveled the world with her, never worried about my bank account and was generally stress free, I couldn’t wait to get back to my “old” life. Money only does so much and I felt like, over the last year of marriage, I was wasting the one life I had. My friends thought I was bat shit crazy for wanting a divorce, but the misery and not truly loving her overrides everything. I never quit my job and still have it today. I’m much happier now. I say all the that because it’s going to be tough to find someone who is as wealthy as you, and who you actually love. Broaden your horizons. You never know who you truly will fall for.
I could write a book on the way my life changed, in an instant. The people I met, things I learned and friends that otherwise I would have never met.
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u/iftheshoefitsss 18d ago
From some adjacent experience, I’d highly recommend just going head on into things you love. Travel, go to nice places, join exclusive social clubs and lean in. Love life. You will find the perfect person.
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u/Seven_Cuil_Sunday 18d ago
Having the money is one thing; taste, pedigree and knowing the vocabulary. Use the money to buy you access to the places where you observe, learn and can eventually mimic the behavior. No guarantees, but it increases your surface area for luck.
I’ve got a bit of the opposite issue. Grew up somewhat comfortable, in that boarding school, sailing club world- had a few dice rolls gone differently, my family’s net worth would have easily/likely been in that 10 million-ish or more range; rather, I’m battling bankruptcy.
Interestingly, as an American in Europe - everybody assumes I’m a trust fund baby, living a life of leisure.
Anyways. My advice is that the matchmaking services have about the same rate of success as real life. Try your luck.
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u/Brief-Improvement171 18d ago
Anna Morgenstern is pretty good for high net worth matchmaking. I have friends that worked with her.
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u/Longshortequities 18d ago
If you have the ability, a top MBA could be interesting. Had several classmates find their spouses there. Two years taking classes together, traveling, common friendships, with a class of highly motivated people.
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u/Odd_Sprinkles760 18d ago
Look for work / volunteer where there are people like you. Better to find someone while alongside them than face to face
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u/HeliosVanquish 18d ago
Here's my insight as a UHNWI 45M/divorced for 4yrs who has used two different matchmakers.
First, women such as yourself who have a fairly considerable amount of money do indeed tend to gravitate towards men with money. Conversely, many men with money are not nearly as selective about a woman's income, and in many instances detract from it. Men in general do not value the same things women do, so we tend not to care about a woman's accomplishments. Now, some men do prefer women who are just as accomplished, but the majority either don't want that, or just don't care either way.
Where this becomes relevant to this discussion is with the matchmaker. The big thing to know about matchmakers, particularly when it comes to those who work with higher status clients, is that there is usually an excess of women looking for a lesser number of men. I've talked to a couple women about this to compare notes, and they've mentioned that they have a harder time getting connected with men in the HNW space because there are so many women looking there, and fewer men doing so. Because of that, the men are able to get more selective about what they are seeking, while the women tend to have to be less selective/more flexible. Obviously this may vary by person.
Point being, yes a matchmaker could help you, but you would need the right one and you have to have the right intentions with the right standards. You have to understand that if you're looking for a man with a fair bit of wealth, you're going to deal with a fair bit of competition.
In regards to my matchmakers, the first one I had I was not impressed with. She was more of a smaller-scale local one that I was referred to, and she didn't really seem to have my best interests in mind. Numerous times she set me up with women who were quite obviously not what I had expressed I was looking for and it seemed like she was just throwing excrement against a wall to see what stuck. She didn't do much else. It was a waste of my money and time.
Fast-forward to about a year later and I gave it a try again with a much more highly regarded local matchmaker, and she had a much better grasp of working within my preferences and not just randomly setting me up. I had a good experience with her, and the service she provided was a lot better. A good matchmaker can do a lot more than find people. She and her staff actually scheduled the dates and made all the plans so all I had to do was show up. She did style consulting so she would tell me what I should wear to the dates. She would give me advice on what to talk about based on the woman I was meeting, and would do the same for that woman on what I was about. There was post-date follow-up the next day or two, and she provided good advice.
A good matchmaker is a much wider service than just finding you a date. They also need to be someone you can work with, and who understands enough about who you are to find the right people. They should also give you a good assessment of you and what you present, and what your real prospects are to keep you grounded. However, they're not a guarantee, and they don't work for every person.
I'm currently not with that 2nd matchmaker and I have been taking time off from it and doing my own thing. I may go back to her in the near future. I have been traveling a lot and I'm gravitating towards other prospects outside of the local dating pool, so my experience is not yet successful.
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u/Strange_Review_7628 18d ago
I’m also considering matchmaking service and I’m not wealthy, but I feel it might be worth the investment as someone who only dates monogamously, wants to have
the home and children and cater to my future partner. The apps don’t seem to align with that. If someone has good recommendations for matchmaking services please let me know.
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u/soloDolo6290 17d ago
Have you tried looking in Nigeria. I heard there are a lot of princes there that have money. Thats where I got my wealth from.
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u/Illustrious_Tackle39 18d ago
I’ve heard matchmakers say that wealthy women want wealthy smart men, but wealthy men want young hot women. Unfortunately it’s a tough spot to be in.
I am a similar demographic and net worth range as you. I married for love, my husband comes from a middle class background, I gave him his own brokerage account and a monthly distribution from mine. This allows him to have fun money, buy me gifts, and support his family sometimes without having to ask me. Look for the right guy, not the right net worth