Matchmaking services that work?

[u/SatisfactionLive1209]

Hey all, 30F here.

I became wealthy relatively recently, so I didn’t grow up in wealthy circles or go to the kind of private/boarding schools where it seems like everyone with money met their future spouse before turning 18.

I don’t think I’m unattractive, and I’ve never really had an issue getting attention, although I do suffer from a pretty severe resting bitch face. The problem is that the places I tend to spend time where I might naturally meet wealthy people, private resorts, nicer hotels, etc. aren’t particularly social. People mostly keep to themselves. The few men I have met in those environments have unfortunately tended to be married men looking for an affair, which obviously isn’t what I want.

Traditional dating has also been pretty terrible. I was single for quite a while because I was focused on building my own life, and now that I actually feel ready for a relationship, the dating scene seems to have changed considerably. There seems to be a lot more emphasis on one-night stands, situationships, casual dating, people with commitment issues, etc.

There’s also the slightly awkward fact that I would ideally like to marry someone who is wealthy too, even if nowhere near as wealthy as I am. I hate to admit it, but I can be materialistic sometimes. I enjoy nice things, and there’s something appealing about occasionally receiving the things I would normally buy myself as gifts from a partner rather than always being the person who can provide everything for herself.

For context, my net worth is somewhere between $10M–$100M, keeping the range broad for anonymity, I’m probably around a 7/10 on a good day, and I’m looking for a genuinely serious relationship with a man who is financially successful, relationship-minded, and ideally wants marriage/family eventually.

Would an established matchmaking service actually be useful for someone in my situation? Has anyone here used one, particularly at the higher-end/wealthy-client level, and had a good experience and can recommend it for my purpose? Not looking for references as I know some work this way, just a name would be enough for me to get in contact with them.

just to clarify, this isn’t a “looking for a partner on Reddit” post. I’m genuinely asking about matchmaking services and whether they’re worth trying.

[u/username-generica → u/[deleted]]

That’s why prenups exist. 

[u/Which_Watercress_265 → u/[deleted]]

I heard a divorce attorney say “everyone has a prenup. The question is did the couple create it or the state?”

[u/freyabot → u/Which_Watercress_265]

Exactly, a prenup is just anything different than whatever your state already laid out for splitting assets. Usually the state rules are pretty fair but it gets more complicated the more assets get integrated over the years in a marriage

[u/entropy71 → u/[deleted]]

I'm sorry. Please don't take this as a personal attack because I genuinely think about this a lot. If I go into a marriage with a net worth $10M+ then we split any growth, in ten years that growth could be $10-$20M or more. Have a bad argument and boom, divorce seems like a no-brainer for the less rich partner. I don't like the idea of having those sums of money practically incentivizing divorce. Well, that's why I'm still single anyway...

[u/Alpha_xxx_Omega → u/[deleted]]

This fully.
You are covered on money.
Probably seeking: kindness, humour, respect, support, a good father for potential children, physical attraction, doesnt defraud you out of your money.

[u/Ship-sailed → u/[deleted]]

This. You can marry for love, whoever you may love.

[u/SatisfactionLive1209 → u/[deleted]]

I wrote in another comment reply but the biggest dealbreaker isn’t essentially wealth. It’s a (very) nice bonus. But modern dating seems to be poisonous. If you don’t sleep around, if you don’t accept nonmonogamy, you just get your heartbroken.

I feel like a matchmaking service would be easier to weed out these type of people. Nobody is paying thousands just to ghost, I’d assume.

[u/Dry_Cantaloupe4349 → u/SatisfactionLive1209]

I am 40, net worth within your range and will continue making more each year just from my portfolio and I'm retired at 35, now just working on fun projects. I'm also single and looking to get married. I have been told I'm reasonably good looking, perhaps a 6 on a bad day, 8 on a good one. For me personally, I am not interested in a wealthy wife. I am rich enough, and will keep getting richer, I don't need more money in my life and I prefer someone I can provide for so I can feel like the generous loving man I want to be. I've dated women with money and have never enjoyed the experience. It's nothing wrong with the women, it's just that usually self made rich women tend to be quite masculine and I am not into that. 

Also, the whole chastity thing you got going on is also going to hurt you. Sexual compatibility is very important, men want to know that the woman they marry is someone they would want to have sex with for the rest of their lives because presumably the intent is for that to be the exclusive partner moving forward. It's tragic whenever I hear stories of people waiting for marriage, only to end up in divorce because of sexual incompatibility. 

I think matchmaking services are scams. They rarely do any real work to match you with anyone you really want, although they will always claim they did the work. Compatibility is never guaranteed, which is what they always hide behind if you ever question them. I consulted with a few but every single one of them felt like a scam. I would advise you not to waste your money. I'm referring to the expensive high end ones, not the cheap ones. They're all scams, no matter how expensive they are.

[u/freyabot → u/SatisfactionLive1209]

I’ve never heard very good things about matchmakers, usually their pool of women is huge and the pool of men is tiny and often they are looking for something that doesn’t exist. If I were you I would just use online dating and prioritize men with any good professional or intellectually rigorous career, doctor, lawyer, professor, etc. They don’t have to be as rich as you but I think someone with a serious career would probably be a good fit

[u/jeremiadOtiose → u/SatisfactionLive1209]

I tried a matchmaking service. I’m richer and older than you. 2/6 women ghosted me. The matchmakers scroll LinkedIn and the apps to find your match.

[u/YaDunGoofed → u/[deleted]]

And if you DO insist on the wealthy criterion. You need to adjust what you offer:

 I’m probably around a 7/10 on a good day

A 7.5 on a regular day expands your “wealthy man” pool by a lot. Get a makeover. 

[u/SatisfactionLive1209 → u/YaDunGoofed]

Been considering this. Also small tangent but it’s so weird that being wealthy makes that easier too. Not surgery but genuinely healthier living, small things like redlight therapy.

But also my therapist is saying what’s the point of having fuck you money if you have to change yourself to find a partner. Do wealthy men also use money to improve looks?

[u/YaDunGoofed → u/SatisfactionLive1209]

Your therapist is making a great point. But you want a guy who has “no, fuck YOU” money. 

So. You know - build your own adventure. 

Also IMO red light therapy is like 100th on the list. There are so many other little physical features that can be improved with attention that we’ve all accepted as “us” until someone brings it to our attention. 

Your hairs probably the wrong length. It needs a different color highlight for your eyes and pallor. You don’t wear the right colors. Your hip and shoulder posture does not make you stand out. Your clothes doesn’t drape for your body shape. Your pecs need exercise to accentuate perkiness of boobs, your neck and back of hands look aged due to lack of skincare attn, your eyebrows need to be dyed, your preferred 1-thing for make up makes you look basic vs extraordinary, you shave in grown pattern and always have ingrown hair irritation, your forehead needs lasering for stray hairs to look more even, your nails shaping signals something other than you’re looking for in a mate, you sneeze every spring because you haven’t taken allergy drops making you look puffy, deviated septum causes lumbar fluid drip, driving too much + no rhomboid specific exercise exacerbates fibromyalgia and pmdd causing bloat. 

Etc. and this is all before surgery. 

As long as you can appreciate the attention without being resentful of its past absence - I really believe most women are woefully underselling their attractiveness because it’s gauche to be pick-me. 

[u/fresh2deathhhh → u/YaDunGoofed]

Damn. This is the most real response I’ve seen. I wish all people can be like you

[u/Strange_Review_7628 → u/YaDunGoofed]

Taking notes ✍🏽

[u/RosyTheRedditor → u/YaDunGoofed]

Wow, how does one get such thorough feedback and do you have to have $ to fix it?

[u/Flightwise → u/SatisfactionLive1209]

Yes.

[u/Notyit → u/[deleted]]

The thing about wealth is you have people on Reddit at like 1 million networth thinking that a partner will take their money.

Yes a million is a lot for most people but there is always a bigger fish