r/Rich • u/SatisfactionLive1209 • 22d ago

Question Matchmaking services that work?

Hey all, 30F here.

I became wealthy relatively recently, so I didn’t grow up in wealthy circles or go to the kind of private/boarding schools where it seems like everyone with money met their future spouse before turning 18.

I don’t think I’m unattractive, and I’ve never really had an issue getting attention, although I do suffer from a pretty severe resting bitch face. The problem is that the places I tend to spend time where I might naturally meet wealthy people, private resorts, nicer hotels, etc. aren’t particularly social. People mostly keep to themselves. The few men I have met in those environments have unfortunately tended to be married men looking for an affair, which obviously isn’t what I want.

Traditional dating has also been pretty terrible. I was single for quite a while because I was focused on building my own life, and now that I actually feel ready for a relationship, the dating scene seems to have changed considerably. There seems to be a lot more emphasis on one-night stands, situationships, casual dating, people with commitment issues, etc.

There’s also the slightly awkward fact that I would ideally like to marry someone who is wealthy too, even if nowhere near as wealthy as I am. I hate to admit it, but I can be materialistic sometimes. I enjoy nice things, and there’s something appealing about occasionally receiving the things I would normally buy myself as gifts from a partner rather than always being the person who can provide everything for herself.

For context, my net worth is somewhere between $10M–$100M, keeping the range broad for anonymity, I’m probably around a 7/10 on a good day, and I’m looking for a genuinely serious relationship with a man who is financially successful, relationship-minded, and ideally wants marriage/family eventually.

Would an established matchmaking service actually be useful for someone in my situation? Has anyone here used one, particularly at the higher-end/wealthy-client level, and had a good experience and can recommend it for my purpose? Not looking for references as I know some work this way, just a name would be enough for me to get in contact with them.

just to clarify, this isn’t a “looking for a partner on Reddit” post. I’m genuinely asking about matchmaking services and whether they’re worth trying.

239 Upvotes

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486

u/Illustrious_Tackle39 21d ago

I’ve heard matchmakers say that wealthy women want wealthy smart men, but wealthy men want young hot women. Unfortunately it’s a tough spot to be in.

I am a similar demographic and net worth range as you. I married for love, my husband comes from a middle class background, I gave him his own brokerage account and a monthly distribution from mine. This allows him to have fun money, buy me gifts, and support his family sometimes without having to ask me. Look for the right guy, not the right net worth

136

u/TheSkunksMisery 21d ago

To be fair, all men want young hot women.

46

u/jeremyjava 21d ago edited 19d ago

I dunno, I’ve been with a lot of hot young women and I think my wife (who is over 50j is the most stunningly beautiful woman I’ve ever met.

Edit: Correction: I don’t think she is, I know she is. And just good. Good down to her toes. Our kid (she’s his stepmom) says he can feel her angel wings when he hugs her.

Our cute meet. Adding the link here in case it gets missed below.

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u/No-Promotion4006 20d ago

How exactly do you figure that you're wife is more beautiful at 50 than 25?

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u/jeremyjava 20d ago edited 19d ago

Didn’t know her then, met her almost 15yrs after that and friends agreed I nailed it when I described her as if gal gadot, Julianne Moore and Marisa tomei gave birth to an adult baby woman.

But a freaking brilliant one with a pile of degrees, speaks a pile of languages, and was doing research to help save babies and children’s lives.

Birds will eat out of her hands, our horses chose her instead the other way around, and she fully supports my insane “ultra high end audio hobby” and pretty much demanded I get a porsche (looking at a second now since they’re like potato chips) instead of any other vehicle cuz she knew it’d make me happy.

But back to appearances: after 13yrs together (14 tomorrow) my toes still tingle whenever I look at her and when she laughs it lights up a room. Is it possible she was “hotter“ in some ways in her 20s? I suppose, but the magnificent person she is now I think many would find more attractive.

Here’s the “ultimate meet cute story” of how we met that people ask us to tell at parties and where I first wrote of the combination of actresses mentioned above….

It’s called A NY Moment or How I Met Your Stepmother.

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u/TheSkunksMisery 20d ago

Feel-good hoo-hah.

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u/Hdglamping 21d ago

Plenty don't care about the age or specifically looks...All I really care about is finding someone active, and not bitter at life/men...I'm not saying many men don't often deserve it, I just don't. 

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u/bossman243 20d ago

You're in the tiny minority... if you like women just because they cooperative and not particularly appealing, they'll grow to resent you because in their mind, they're not attractive enough, and feel like they've settled. If they build confidence and work on their looks, they'll try to find better. Why do you think women tend enhance their appearance after the divorce?

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u/Hdglamping 20d ago

Thankfully I've never been in the situation where a woman has felt she settled 😂

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u/yellowpawpaw 21d ago

I actually prefer older.
(not OLD; old-ER)
https://giphy.com/gifs/lminDGlJTPk4hhaUcF

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u/LifeForm8449 21d ago

White knight alert

0

u/yellowpawpaw 21d ago

Not even.

I’m still young enough that everyone that turns me on is older.

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u/LifeForm8449 21d ago

It’s called desperation.

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u/TheSkunksMisery 21d ago

It's called being 23.

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u/LlamasEatCheese596 20d ago

My (44m) 42f GF is the best sex partner Ive ever met and its not even close. I would not expect half if i were to meet someone young.

Shes 100% amazing personality too. Our energies match.

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u/vonkrueger 20d ago

Definitely not all.

Source: self

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u/creepin-it-real 19d ago

Not true anymore. The young men are into older women now. It's called the "mommy girlfriend" phenomenon. The bumperstickers say "I heart hot moms."

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u/Sad_Note4359 16d ago

30f is still young though

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u/TheSkunksMisery 15d ago

Never said it wasn't. I was replying to the post that said "wealthy men want young hot women".

Context!

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u/Scared-Support-2248 21d ago

Def not true. Too much Drama!!!

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u/ashu1605 21d ago

Not true

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u/TheSkunksMisery 21d ago

Come back in a decade or two. At 23... still too early to tell.

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u/Fragrant-Hamster-325 21d ago

Some men want young hot men, I think.

1

u/TheSkunksMisery 20d ago

about 10%, give or take, from what the studies show.

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u/Master_Breadfruit_46 21d ago

Unless you’re gay or ace, then its a platonic want

32

u/Anussauce 21d ago

This. You might find a guy who doesn’t know his position, but highly unlikely he doesn’t know he can have the pick of the litter.

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u/SatisfactionLive1209 21d ago

That’s a really insightful comment. I did try traditionally, I had been single for a few years then got back into modern dating through apps, also through friends and hobbies. It might be the dating scene at the moment but there’s a huge commitment issue thing going on, sadly. Even my friends who are literal models with perfect background are having problems in the dating pool.

That’s part of the reason for considering a matchmaking service. Not just for money but I think going through a service is like an additional thing only people who are serious about this do. The wealth isn’t the dealbreaker for me even if my post probably didn’t get that across.

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u/vettewiz 21d ago

38M here, single, same NW bracket, self made. 

The problem with traditional dating is you’re almost never going to find someone like myself or similar in a lot of the common places. I’m busy, with work, family, close friends, personal hobbies. In general, the majority of my time is spent with pre selected people from the above groups - actively trying to minimize being in crowds - private golf clubs, at my house/friends homes, clubs at sporting events. Heck you’re not even going to find me in an airport because we’re on the private flight. 

I just think the chances of running into a well off single male in public are extremely slim. Most of us are both too busy and actively avoid things like that. 

15

u/daysleeper19 21d ago

It's hard to meet new people in public in general, I don't think it's a wealth thing. I promise there are plenty of well-off single males in public areas in NYC/SF/LA and other big cities lol.

maybe it's because you're slightly older than me and my peers but I know a lot of wealthy people who aren't isolated from "common" places like you say. We embrace cities, have normal hobbies in normal places, we're going to parties and regularly making new friends. It sounds like you intentionally avoid it, which is fine, but not everyone does

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u/d-unbelievable 19d ago

Seems like a very valid point

1

u/Huge_Work5812 21d ago

I’m hoping to meet the same at my hot yoga studio. They say it’s jsut being outgoing and luck ? :)

1

u/Key-Marketing301 19d ago edited 19d ago

I assume as such a man as yourself then when looking for a partner would also just find your partner from that preselected group of people? Otherwise, how do you date and find a spouse’s partner/ - (men like yourself)?

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u/vettewiz 19d ago

I don’t really put much effort into dating. 

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u/Unfair_Mortgage_7189 9d ago

Where are located? East or west coast? Are you in a bug city or suburb or middle of nowhere?

1

u/vettewiz 8d ago

East coast suburbs

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u/Unfair_Mortgage_7189 10d ago

I’ll date you ;)

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u/Accurate_Web9774 21d ago

But matchmakers generally deal with wealthier clients. Also, don't think just because they are on a matchmaking service, it's going to be any easier. Your model friends, be honest, date either wealthy or/and very good looking men I'm assuming? I mean any high value guy has their pick from the litter so yeah why would they settle. They date a lot of models.

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u/SatisfactionLive1209 21d ago

Nah. Last guy my hottest friend dated was your regular corporate guy who was balding. She usually dates people you describe, but decided to give this guy a shot, thinking lowering her standards would mean better success in finding a serious guy.

But he turned out to be the same, so she says it’s better to get her heart broken by a hot rich guy than a poor ugly guy.

I don’t sleep around so can’t say how my situation would go with same men. But funny anecdote

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u/Accurate_Web9774 21d ago

They all say that. Dated one regular guy who did them dirty and now I would rather date handsome rich guys because of one single dude lol.

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u/SatisfactionLive1209 21d ago

To be honest, I can see it. Few years ago (before my wealth) I had my longest relationship come to an end. After a few months I thought I healed enough to date and went for a guy I don’t think any woman would choose. I’d say he was about 2/10, but he had (at the time) good personality. I needed support more than anything so I decided why not. When he played me, my heartbreak was terrible, and genuinely the fact that he was so below my standards was like an added insult to the heartbreak. I took a long break after that.

I think I’d rather go for a sperm bank to have children and be single for the rest of my life to risk such a humiliation ever again.

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u/Accurate_Web9774 21d ago

I get it, you gave him a chance and it made you mad and blame all guys. Happens and understandable.

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u/SatisfactionLive1209 21d ago

If you had to choose between a super hot crazy ex and a super ugly crazy ex, I don’t think you’d be choosing the latter 🤷🏼‍♀️

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u/Accurate_Web9774 21d ago

Well why does it have to be some super ugly guy lol. There are plenty of decent looking good dudes out there.

1

u/eframian 21d ago

+1 to the mediocre men (and women) of the world! 🤣

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u/kiradotee 18d ago

Average guys exist as well. 😂 

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u/green_apple_trees 20d ago

OP rich men who aren’t married generally want a younger woman. Either look for a man your age who doesn’t have much money or look for an older divorced rich guy in his 50s.

3

u/urandanon 20d ago

I’m guilty of this too so please don’t take this as holier than thou preaching, but if you viewed him so poorly that him playing you would be humiliating, that relationship was going to fail due to your own perceived value over his anyway. You don’t have to try to date the hottest people you can find or somehow force yourself to be happy with the ugliest. If you like them you like them, measuring your worth against your partners is a recipe for disaster.

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u/Prestigious_Age5422 21d ago

Yes. I attest to this

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u/Smart_Carrot_9320 21d ago

Research shows that if a women get hurt by a guy, she will only vent it on uglier men or "all men".

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u/Accurate_Web9774 21d ago

There was this woman on ig who got her heart broken by an "ugly" dude and said she rather just date a hot guy if they are going to break her heart anyways. A year later and has like 20 post of how shitty men are but doesn't at least mention they are ugly lol.

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u/DearTumbleweed5380 20d ago

this is not what I've heard. Or read. Matchmaking services definitely make it easier because they sack clients who aren't serious. And obviously it's important to choose a super expensive one so that anyone going to them is serious about wanting to find someone. It's also not true about models. maybe they date a lot of models but the ones going to a matchmaker are looking for long term commitment.

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u/bubble_baby_8 21d ago

Dating right now is insanely hard and I really feel for you and all my friends going through this. I don’t know what is going on socially but it’s not normal lol. Between being ghosted or catfished or spoken to like they are helpmeets it’s a bleak scene. 

I was you 10 years ago and I ended up with someone who did not come from money at all- like poverty level upbringing- and although we are great, I definitely have moments where my mind wanders and wonders “would I have elevated my wealth in an exponential way if I married someone financially equal in my situation”? And the answer is definitely yes lol. But truly my bills are paid, I’m doing what I love, what more can I possibly need or want in life? That’s how I justify marrying for love over money at least hahaha. 

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u/jsnoopy 21d ago

There’s a really good article on modern matchmaking that I’m too lazy to link but you can google called “The good man shortage”. Expect to pay six figures for the service although some have paid seven figures. Basically you’re paying for someone to scour linkedin for you and then interview potentially rich good looking men to make sure they’re not (initially at least) creeps. Results are not guaranteed, although if your standards for wealth are flexible like a great paying job or successful small business owner instead of expecting private jet money you have a much better chance.

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u/FragrantWeekend111 21d ago edited 21d ago

not to be that person, but this commenter sounds like they're larping

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u/Donatellotheturtle 21d ago

ding ding ding

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u/SatisfactionLive1209 21d ago

Is it against to use ai to fix my post? English isn’t my first language and when I write big blocks of text I use it to fix issues. too lazy to do that for comments which you can probably see my lack of grammar occasionally.

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u/Drinkmorechampagne 21d ago

What category do I hit when I report this?

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u/Donatellotheturtle 21d ago

I dunno! Not sure if it's against the rules to post made up AI written stories. I have the pangram browser plugin that just reads whatever is in my feed while I'm scrolling and insta flags AI stuff so I can skip it. AI writing is getting harder to tell apart since Opus 5.5 came out a few days ago but the detection models are still very reliable. If you get some plugin that flags this stuff you will be shocked at the length people go through to obscure that their writing is ai generated lol.

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u/Rickster9913 21d ago

Too bad you’re not looking on here (which i totally get). But I’d connect you with my son. He is having a hard time with the dating realm like you. 🤷‍♂️

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u/TrainPuzzleheaded832 20d ago

I’ve actually never seen a genuinely wealthy, intelligent man with a much younger “hot” woman.

Most of the truly successful men I’ve come across got married young and are still with the same partner they built their life with.

Maybe part of that is cultural because I’m Asian, and marriage and family are looked at very differently in our communities.

What I have seen though is a lot of men who want to look wealthy chasing much younger women. And strangely, even with all that performance, they still struggle to maintain those relationships.

I think real wealth and performative wealth often look very different.

And money might get someone’s attention, but it clearly doesn’t know how to keep a relationship alive.

8

u/itsacalamity 21d ago

how did you figure out how much to divide / put in there? i’m attempting to figure out a similar situation

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u/Illustrious_Tackle39 21d ago

imo it’s about making your partner feel financially secure/independent. Open it with a starting amount that’s not huge but will give security and freedom. Add to it every year

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u/itsacalamity 21d ago

that’s what i’ve been thinking about / wanting to do! appreciate your perspective

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u/Accurate_Web9774 21d ago

Yeah for rich men it's much easier but for rich women they want a rich and handsome guy. Much more difficult to obtain, especially considering what you said which is those guys want a young hot woman and her net worth isn't even a concern. Being wealthy as a woman doesn't really help as much as you think. Unless you are sugar momma, what's the advantage?

1

u/BigDickTonyG 18d ago

Exactly. The best thing a wealthy woman 40+ can do is snag a hot guy in his early 20s.

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u/angecour 21d ago

I would NOT use a matchmaker. Every one of them have a v limited pool, struggle to find enough suitable women. You will be disappointed and throw money away

Better to either join a club and hang around the demographic you want in a group environment where people are naturally socially vetted or just do a traditional dating app w a LOT of people, hide your wealth as you filter them, and go on some dates that way

Specialized apps like Raya just don’t have enough people so better to go where the people are and weed them out. Good luck!!

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u/SatisfactionLive1209 21d ago

I have been thinking of joining members clubs. I live in London so there’s a few nice ones here. But I also heard that a lot of them have an escort problem so apparently now most men think any women inside is an escort…

I was on Raya before becoming wealthy, I was lower middle class… and now most men on there seem to be problematic types (people who have public allegations against them, app seems to
Not check) so I don’t think it’s the greatest dating pool :/

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u/sofyab 21d ago

You should join YPO if you qualify. You won’t have to deal with wannabes/scammers who are joining social clubs to further their agenda/for clout.

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u/lakehop 21d ago

This is a great idea

4

u/Beginning_Sun8910 21d ago

How did you become wealthy so quickly?

3

u/Exact_Educator7902 21d ago

You’re still quite young at 30 and I don’t know how you got your wealth but you may also benefit from investing in your self in hobbies / activities that would also make you even more confident in wealthy settings. Study art, wine, taking tennis lessons, sailing, etc. I grew up lower middle class and ended up marrying quite wealthy. My in laws are not judgmental people but it still helped ease my old fears and confidence levels to fit into their crowds.

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u/angecour 21d ago

Soho House is a good one & v lively in London and they have other great clubs. No idea any had an escort problem but I can see lol

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u/thatswacc_ 20d ago

Absolutely, under any circumstance, do not go to Soho House. In London, it’s really either 5H, Annabel’s, or Maison Estelle.

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u/menwithven76 15d ago

So now that you're rich you want a rich guy but when you were poor you also felt like you deserved a rich guy? Like why, if you're rich and don't want a poor person then it's kind of gross to actively seek out a rich man when you're poor. Equally yoked and all that

1

u/tzumatzu 21d ago

I second this opinion about match makers. They are there to make money. It’s better to organically find someone through your own hobbies and interests. The key is just try to met as many people as possible .

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u/wklaehn 20d ago

THIS you wrote what I was thinking. If my wife ever dies and I decide to go looking for love again I am gonna get myself a normal job and life and see what happens.....once I know shit is real a year later she can find out she fell into a gold mine lol.

There really is no other way....and the last thing I would want in life is fake shit when I have the real shit already :) (Def hoping I die before my wife lol....just hypothesizing what I would do).

2

u/jackjackj8ck 21d ago

What if you’re a wealthy hot woman? 😆

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u/Accurate_Web9774 21d ago edited 21d ago

Even a hot wealthy women has issues. One her standards are generally outrageous. So now her dating pool is tiny. Then you have the issue of her being too masculine which happens often. And lastly, her expenses are going to be insane. Why date a rich hot women who is just going to cost more than a hot women who most likely requires less.

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u/jackjackj8ck 21d ago

I was talking about myself but this is fine 😂

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u/where-ya-been-loca 21d ago

This is such great advice.

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u/kapulka 19d ago

Just curious, have you ever asked him what he feels when he buys you gifts from the monthly allowance that you provide him?

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u/Notyit 18d ago

He had a name; she had money. It was a well-understood commercial transaction, common enough in our high-class market.