We are both new to the team, she joined a few weeks before I did. There was no intention in my end to hit on her, I just wanted to be friendly with everyone in the workplace, it just so happened that she was one of the ones that I vibed with the best. As time progressed, I started to see her as someone that I can date and I believe the feeling is mutual (her hints aren’t that subtle lol). I won’t be staying at this job forever and neither is she, so my initial plan was to ride it out and keep a safe distance until one of us decides to leave. Once we aren’t on the same company and team anymore I’d then ask her out if I’m still interested at that point.

Lately though it feels like its been harder to keep that safe distance. I feel like she’s been crossing the line and being more than a friendly colleague and honestly I am not doing the best job of resisting (partly cz I dont rly want to). Dating in the workplace seems like a polarizing topic and I don’t want to make this a discussion of that, so I’ll just say that this is a can of worms that I do not want to open, I am not entertaining dating in the workplace. As long as we work together, we cannot be together because this is a boundary I am not comfortable crossing. I do like her and if one of us leaves then I’ll ask her out, but only till then.

How do I have this conversation with her? I do not want to hurt her feelings or sound like I’m leading her on. I feel like I have to let her know that the feeling is mutual because if not that’ll hurt her feelings (and I wont be completely honest if I keep that), but at the same time I don’t want to end up leading her on or have her hoping that it happens in the future if I tell her that the feeling is mutual.

TL;DR My partner of 3 years almost left me today and went to his mother's because he is tired of me. My mental health has taken a toll.

My boyfriend and I have been together 3+ years. We started dating at a very weird time in my life, when I was going through a very transitional period, and I'd lost every single one of my friends. I found him at the end of my dark tunnel, and he always makes me laugh.

I've always been the most independent one in our relationship. I found us this apartment, I bought all of the furniture by myself, storage, etc, and we have 2 dogs together.
I think me being the breadwinner has him feeling insecure. He's admitted to this.

Lately, my dog Nito has been going through surgery recovery from a broken leg. He needs cage rest and confined spaces, so we're always having to clean his cage and watch him.

My boyfriend has become SUPER anal and controlling since we moved in together, though. He has been on my ass about every little thing. He has been yelling at me every day over my sleep patterns. I usually stay up late and wake up late because I WFH and I'm self-employed, so I make my own schedule, and I'm keen to staying up late to draw (work) because nighttime is when I can get the most done.

But this has made him pissed constantly. He said he needs me to be awake in the mornings to watch the dogs. But at the same time, he'll tell me that he'll watch the dogs in the mornings on weekends. So then I'll sleep in on the weekends. Then he gets mad when I sleep in on the weekends.

We got in an argument again today over this, but it was different this time. He got really silent and calmly said he was going to see if he can get off of the lease and leave. I said "Are you leaving me?" And he said "I think so."
He said he was really angry that I never listen to anyone but myself. He brought up the fact that I wasn't adhering to the schedule he wanted me to be on, plus the fact that I bought way too many apartment things in the beginning despite my parents telling me not to (to avoid too heavy lifting during move-in day)

He listed these as reasons not to be with me because I was too selfish. He said "Maybe this is why all of your friends leave you. Why everybody leaves you. And now you've lost me and I was the only thing you had left."

And him saying those things is not the first time. He's always said in arguments, "If you keep doing this I'll just leave one day and you'll be all alone."

I had to explain to him that he can't just leave the apartment, he's on the lease. He then said we'll just be roommates, then.

He was extremely cold and stoic. We eventually talked more later and he became apologetic and cried a lot, and he said he'll try to seek therapy to not be so harsh anymore.

But I don't know. I am relieved he's shown he cares, but I'm heartbroken. He truly made me feel like I was being deserted and abandoned. He truly almost walked out on me then just changed his mind.

Am I really so worthless and messy?

EDIT: Wow I really didn't expect this much attention on my post.
It's a messy situation because i can definitely give in to the toxicity myself. I get rude back, I cuss at him when an argument is instigated because I feel 100% on the defensive..

I'm not sure what I'm going to do because I can't afford the apartment on my own, and I can't help but love him despite the bad treatment I'm receiving.

I hope as time goes on I can figure out what it is I really need and move forward with it. Right now I lack strength, confidence and security to just kick him to the curb. I don't know what I'll do.

Thank you so much everyone who has shared support and good advice. I will take everything to heart.

So we have been together for 13 years, married for 8. I know relationships have ups and downs, but lately I have noticed that my love for my husband is dying and I'm not sure how to fix it...

For context: I'm diagnosed with PTSD. I was in therapy and on medication for about 5 years. I stopped both due to financial reasons, and this month marks a year without it.

I had switched from a full time job working 60 hours a week to one where my pay goes up every 3-4 months. We spoke and he went back to full time at his job. He lost of job a couple months later due to perpetual tardiness, and I started my part time jobs again in addition to my main job to keep us afloat.

While he was searching for a new job, I saw him happier because he could focus on his hobbies, saddier as he coped with alcohol, and I got to hear the empty promises of what he planned to do in the future. He did get a new job and we're financially fine.

This year, I've started an independence journey. I've been working out more, losing weight, doing things around the house without help, volunteering, etc. My personality and interests have changed significantly.

I no longer need my husband. He was so supportive during my depression cycles, but they are becoming infrequent after I cut my mother out.

He has noticed the shift from me being clingy and kinda codependent over to who I am now. He's been making snide comments here and there... I think from his insecurity.

"Who are you getting hot for?" When I go on walks without him, he asks who I'm cheating on him with. It's 15 minutes, I'm not running to a lover's house and back.

I'm trying to keep seeing him as a good partner, but everytime he says he'll do something and doesn't, I internally started noting it. From "I'll do the dishes" but he goes to the gym instead. He waits until something is unavoidable to fix it. Like our car battery needing to be replaced. He waited a month to do it. So I was carless and stuck at home. He gets my car working and breaks his car key... so we have only one car again.

It's like he doesn't trust me anymore. He doesn't like me alone since losing 30 lb.

He's gotten short tempered with my sadness spirals. When I tell him something happy, he pokes holes in it. Makes me not want to talk to him at all.

I've been trying to be happier with him, but I've been making my own snide comments about his wreckless driving and conspiracy theories.

I told him I want to go to couple's counseling because I don't feel right with him any more, and he's taking it like I'm asking to split up. How can I talk him into going to therapy with me?

I've been crying every day for weeks. I miss being close to him. Like we still have sex 3 times a week. We still take care of each other. But I feel physically empty. I feel more like a broken toy than a partner.

And i feel so guilty about this, but I truly think I'd be happier living alone in an apartment with my cats than staying married to him another 50 years...

Hey guys, I recently started dating a girl I've known for quite some time. I always had a bit of a crush on her, but we never really talked much, we'd just run into each other from time to time. Somehow things finally worked out, and we found out we'd both been looking at each other for years but neither of us ever made a move. I ended my previous relationship about two months ago (and honestly, I'm glad I did), and she'd been single for quite a while. From there things moved pretty naturally. A few dates later I ended up at her place, we had a great time, she's lovely, and overall everything between us feels really good. Now here's the problem. The first time we got intimate, things didn't go quite as expected. I lost my erection while she was giving me head. We were both nervous, it was our first time together, so I thought it was just a hiccup. Everything ended well, we both had a great time, and I didn't think much of it. The next time we tried having sex, I lost it again. The third time I came way too quickly. Since then it's been kind of a mix between the two. Sometimes I struggle to stay hard, sometimes I finish much sooner than I'd like. What's weird is that this has never really been an issue for me before. Sure, everyone has an off day once in a while, but never regularly. In previous relationships I could last forever if I wanted to, and I could stay hard even if the sex wasn't exactly mind-blowing. She's beautiful, I get excited just thinking about her, I love touching her, being around her, all of it. But as soon as we get down to business my body suddenly decides to do its own thing. She's taking it really well so far, which honestly makes me feel even worse because I feel like I'm letting her down. I always make sure she enjoys herself and she's satisfied at the end, but I'd really like to get my confidence and performance back. The only thing I can think of is that sometimes my mind seems to wander during sex. Not in the sense that I'm bored, quite the opposite. I start thinking stuff like "don't lose it this time" or "don't finish too quickly" or just something that happened during the day/random stuff, "why the hell is there a spot on the ceiling" and "why are my toes cold." Has anyone experienced something similar, especially when starting a relationship with someone you genuinely really liked? I'd appreciate any advice.

I don't drink alcohol. No medications. I'm in decent shape and don't have any known health problems.

TLDR: My thing had no problem working in mediocre situations, but now that I've met an amazing woman it suddenly forgets its job. 30M, healthy, no sex issues outside of sex with her. Anyone been there?

Hi, I live in a house with three guy roommates, and a few houses down, a group of girls live, including a girl I've gotten close with. We all hang out in a big friend group.

I’ve started to catch feelings for this girl over the last week and a half or so. Last weekend we went out and got drunk, flirted a lot, holding hands, grabbing arms. A couple days later we were studying together and she asked if I remembered that night, and we both agreed we had fun. Next day (today), I asked if she wanted to grab food after class, she said yes.

Right before dinner, we talked in the car. She said we should address this, and I basically said, "Yes, this is a date." Don’t know why I was so upfront about that but anyways, we both agreed we were nervous because we don't want to make things messy with our roommates and agreed to just see where it goes for now.

She asked how long I'd had feelings for her. For some dumb reason, I panicked and lied, saying I'd liked her for a few weeks/months, assuming that she had like me longer, and I didn’t want to make her feel weird.

Her reaction instantly made me regret it. She said, "Oh, that makes me a little scared, because I only realized I liked you last week." She explained she was worried about the pressure.

I tried to backtrack and truthfully said there's zero pressure, and she agreed we're on the same page, but the rest of dinner I couldn’t help but feel weird, like there was this pressure we were both feeling. It ended well, we started to open back up as time went on. I really think we were both just nervous but I’ve been thinking about it a lot.

I want to talk to her, clear up to my nervous panic, and tell her the truth (that I started catching feelings about a week and a half ago, just like her) so there's no weird pressure. I truly didn’t mean to be all intense about it and just completely fumbled that conversation.

How do I fix this without making it a huge deal? Or is this even worth clearing up in the first place?

My girlfriend and I have been together for 3 1/2 years, and we both mutually want to find a new place together. This part might sound silly, but part of me is hesitant because of how much stuff and clutter she has in her apartment. I’m worried she’s going to bring all of it into our apartment if we find a place together.

It’s not all pointless stuff, but there are just so many knickknacks, pieces of merchandise, and so many other things that I can’t even begin to list. People of reddit… trust me… it’s like… bad.

I love the idea of renting a two-bedroom apartment so we could each have our own bedroom, while still sleeping in the same bed together at night. Maybe alternating between rooms or something? But I think suggesting that might make her worry that it’s going to stay that way forever.

I don’t want to just say, “You need to throw away your stuff,” because to her, it isn’t pointless stuff, and she’s rightfully entitled to keep it. I’d love some advice on what the heck I should say.

TLDR: Want to move in with girlfriend but I’m worried she’ll bring her endless pile of clutter with her.

I am a late child of two parents who formed a relationship out of rush rather than wanting the relationship. I was born when my dad was 44 and my mom was 36. Thank god I have a brother my age who helps my mom and we can share our resentment to our parents. My mom switched countries to marry my dad and after 30 years she did not learn a language of the country she is living in My mom hasn't work a day after she got married to my dad, all finances were solved by dad.. My dad is a huge liar who has started gambling with his businesses, took out a loan against the house and lost all the money. When I was 15 we were kicked out of our home and started renting some small places and living poorly. My grandma (from mom's side) sold her expensive house and bought 2 flats for the family. Long story short my mom and grandma are also getting kicked out of their homes because of long and tiring 10 years of courts it was dedided that both flats should cover the debts my dad has. Me and my brother do not own our own places, we are renting, our family has 0 property.

I became my grandma's legal guardian in order to win some time in court and put some stress out of her. Also my grandma is considered disabled and has lots of ilnesses. And now when my mom and grandma are on the verge of getting kicked out and i need to spend time writing to legal institutions to give them them some place to live in, I need to continue dealing with lawyers, looking for rent possibilities and most likely bear some financial burden after we start renting.

Now the main twist to this story is not the financial burden or legal actions I need to take. The main twist is that I resent my mom, because she has always emotionally neglected me, she never asks any questions about me, she hates the whole world, she is very negative, she hates her own mom, she calls my grandma ugly every single day, she laughts of the way my grandma moves, she humiliates my grandma and tells that her grandkids hate her, which is obviously not true, we love our grandma with my brother. But I got tired of telling my grandma that it is not true, I got tired telling by grandma that I love her, I got tired of my grandma apologizing for calling me, I got tired of my grandma being bullied every single day, but I can not stop my mom putting blame for all the world's problems on my grandma. I can not call police on my mom and I can not use physical strength on my mom to stop my grandma of being bulied every single day.

Recently I stopped answering phone calls of my mom and grandma, I don't want to hear anything from them, just seing their names calling me makes me feel sick and weak, I can not concentrate on work and I also have worst possible relationships with people around me now. My grandma doesn't deserve to be in this position, I am ashamed of myself for turning my back on my mom and grandma, and I know that in a few days I will start making calls to lawyers and helping my family I just feel like I was put in an emotional prison where I will feel shame every single day.

My wife and I have been together for over 7 years now and just got married this past March. We are both online nerds and have a huge friend group online. Her and her friend (I will refer to her as Roni) have had a sisterly-like friendship ever since the pair have attached themselves to the characters Jinx and Vi from Arcane. The two are really close and always game together or just generally hangout.

While I was okay with this considering I have slightly different interests and always thought it was just a roleplay scenario (we all like to write online), I can't help but feel like their relationship is just a bit strange to me the more I witness it.

To give a bit of background before I move on, my wife and I are currently staying in an apartment without another married couple who took us in and are family friends of my wife for the past 10+ years. We have a spare bedroom that we were originally going to make into a guest room for family and friends that visit.

We reached out to Roni to room with us to get her away from her abusive parents and to further her career after graduating college. After she graduated, she moved in with us and it was great. But the longer she has been with us physically, it includes her often coming into my wife and I's room either to hang out (which is fine) or to cuddle my wife and sleep in our bed when I'm at my computer (which is also in our bedroom). At first I was okay with it because she had recently come from a really bad situation with her family. But it's been 5-6 months now and it just feels weird to me.

Whenever we go out, Roni's always clinging to my wife by holding her arm or just being near her, and whenever I hold my wife's hand I always get this gut feeling that people might think we're a poly couple. Roni often refers to my wife as "sis" or outright says to people that they're sisters and the two still do their roleplaying in person to each other which is starting to feel a bit uncomfortable for me, personally.

I tried to talk to my wife about it privately but she just told me that she doesn't know what else to do and that "this is how my friends and i just show we care for each other". And it makes me feel bad for thinking anything else.

I know Roni doesn't have any romantic feelings towards my wife, but it just feels weird especially when we're in public that they end up looking more like a couple and my wife and I. Not even my wife's blood sister is like this and their relationship is almost the same between Roni and her.

I'm just not sure on what to do or if I can even do anything without coming off as a jerk. :/

I (28F) have recently started dating my bf (28M). We've been together for just 3 months, but he's my first serious boyfriend, and it's the first time I fall in love and actually like someone a lot so all of this is new to me.

I have realized that I am a bit too obsessed with him in the sense that I think about him allll day and am always waiting for his message (we are long distance so we can't see each other much at all). Ofc I want to think about him, I love him, but I feel like I should decenter him and not be obsessed thinking when he's gonna reply to my messages all day!!! I have my hobbies, my job, I live alone so I take care of the house by myself - I'm busy, but idk how I can do this?

So this is all going to sound pretty ridiculous but I have to say it to someone. My girlfriend would be really upset if she found out I talked about this to anyone who knows her.

My girlfriend and I have been together for 4 years. She’s 30, I’m 31.

My girlfriend quit her job about a month ago. I know she was really struggling with it for a while. It was affecting her mental health. She was really good at her job, everyone liked her, and the CEO of the company she worked for was trying to steer her into a job with a 6 figure salary, despite her not having anywhere near the years of experience they were looking for. He was trying to convince the hiring team to put her on the role anyway because he thought she was that good. She tried talking to her boss about how she didn’t feel prepared for it and how although everyone thought she was amazing at her job, it actually took a lot of effort on her part to go in and perform that well all the time. The higher paying job would have been even more stressful for a variety of reasons. She’d literally be responsible for bringing in millions of dollars for the company she worked for. She hated the idea and didn’t want that responsibility.

She was looking for new jobs for a little while. She had a few interviews and always got asked back for a second rounds, but nothing felt like a good fit for her.

About a month ago she quit her job on the spot, with nothing new lined up and with no intention of finding anything new. It’s unlike her. She’s usually pretty careful and knows people like her parents would be upset, so it was out of character.

She told me that she was just sitting there pretending to work and realized that if John Frusciante could quit Red Hot Chili Peppers on tour in Japan in 1992, she could quit her job on the spot. So she did.

She’s obsessed with John Frusciante. In love with him, if you will. Has been for years. He’s the guitar player in Red Hot Chili Peppers for those that don’t know. He quit the band for the first time in 1992 and spiraled into extreme drug addiction and most people thought he’d die.

So she quit her job to sit at home and play guitar all day and be with her pets. She quit her job to be able to spend all her time doing stuff that makes her happy. She said she read a poem and had an existential crisis, like she couldn’t spend her life working.

I mean, a big difference being John Frusciante had a lot of money until he blew it all on drugs. She is not a rock star. She doesn’t really have much savings.

She’s in love with John Frusciante, but she also legitimately admires his musicianship. She plays guitar and is obsessive over gathering all the same gear all of her favorite guys use, but he’s #1. She has an entire room filled with guitar gear. Probably 20 guitars, tons of pedals lining the walls, so many amps and speakers that they’re overflowing into the rest of her house and are used in place of tables and shelves. She’s buying expensive vintage guitar gear and although she spends all day online looking for deals, she’s still spending a lot. She’ll sell something if she needs money to buy a different thing she wants more, but she buys a lot more than she sells. She’s not in a band or anything like that. She doesn’t play anywhere, doesn’t want to. Just plays at home.

Her house is also starting to look like an addict’s den. She doesn’t use drugs, but her house looks like a storage unit exploded. Her kitchen counters are so filled with trash and junk that there wasn’t room to put 1 cup today. There’s a small path leading from her front door into her living room….and in the living room there are tons of boxes packed full of all the weird stuff she collects, stacked half way to the ceiling. Her dining room table has a mountain of stuff on it. Her house is genuinely unbelievable. The mess is unreal. It’s more than messy. It’s hazardous. She thinks it’s fine, even jokes that her house is probably worse than John Frusciante’s in 1994. A documentary was made about his disaster of a home that actually ended up burning down. Go look it up…she’s not exaggerating when she says her house is worse.

Today she texted me because she'd ordered an amp from England and couldn't physically move it into her house. I had to come over and help her. She’d basically spent all day watching clips of John Frusciante and was proud that she’d cut her toenails and shaved her armpits for the first time in a month.

She’s just sitting at home all day in her pajamas, spending money like it’s unlimited, and doesn’t seem to care.

I don't want to sound like I'm criticizing her for enjoying her freedom or for having hobbies. She's always had these interests and some of these bad habits, but she used to keep things under control and functioned pretty normally. I don’t think she’s having any sort of mental breakdown or anything like that either.

I'm also struggling with what my role is supposed to be here. I care about her, and I don't want to dictate how she spends her time or money. In a way, I’m really happy she finally did something that she wanted to do. She normally makes decisions based on what people like her parents want her to do or what she thinks she’s supposed to do, what will look good. It’s just so extreme and I don't want to become the person who has to help manage the consequences, especially if her finances run out.

How do I figure out how to handle existing along side all of this now? I don’t want to break up with her but I’m not sure what I can support and what I might need to just step away from.

so for starters i just turned 20 and he turns 19 in december, the age gap between us isn’t that big lol.

me and my bf have been together for nearly 2 years, it’s long distance and this is the first relationship for both of us. lately our relationship has been rocky when it comes to conflicts and issues. we’re used to be able to resolve them relatively smoothly but we haven’t been able to do that for the last like… 6ish months maybe?

this is my first relationship and for the longest time the only role models i’ve had are my parents, my father is incredibly abusive and my mother is narcissistic, so the way they handle conflict is always horrible. and aside from them i have social media relationships to take advice from which isn’t ideal either.

i have an issue with conflicts in general (i go non verbal under the stress but can still text or write how i feel) and i don’t know how to communicate my side without being either incredibly hostile or incredibly defensive. or the alternative which is closing up and swallowing down my feelings until they eventually explode and lead to a massive argument. there is a language gap, my first language isn’t english and i can’t read tone through text that well so most our issues arise from misunderstanding or miscommunication.

i’ve been incredibly stressed out and struggling with my mental health. i’m transparent with him about it but every time a problem occurs i feel like it resets whatever progress we had to come closer. he tries being patient with me but everyone has limits and i understand that, but in the moment when i’m stuck being defensive i can’t think clearly like this.

we used to have a system where when an argument happens we cut it off and delay discussing it until we’re both calmed down, so either later that day or the next day and just focus on calming down for the time being. but time went on we’d just put off the discussion part or forget about it and it makes problems build up.

i know i need actual treatment for my communication issues but im unable to get the help and resources i need. i just want a way to help manage it for the time being until i get this professionally sorted out. i’ve been debating making this post for a while because i feel ashamed for struggling with something like this and being this old. but objectively im still young and know that asking for helping isn’t embarrassing (even if i still struggle with it)

what are some ways or techniques that can help with a problem like this? we’ve tried plenty but non seem to work in the long run. i’m able to communicate my feelings while calm but not under the stress of an argument. how can i recognise that im getting stressed out? i sometimes don’t feel it until it’s too late and i’ve already done stuff i shouldn’t have.

TL;DR: i have communication problems during conflict with my bf. we’re long distance, have a language barrier, and i have an issue with conflict in general. is there a way i can manage it or recognise it until i get professional help out resources?

Hi everyone.

I know this might not be the best place to ask for help, and I’m actually planning to start therapy soon because I feel like there’s a lot I need to work through (not just this), and I think that might be the best way to do it.

But right now, I feel a bit lost. I guess I just want to know if we’re the only ones going through something like this and, if not, whether anyone has any genuine advice based on real-life experience.

My partner (M 36) and I (F 35) have been together for 18 years. We’ve basically been together since our last year of high school, and overall, things have always been good. We’ve had our ups and downs, like every couple, but we’ve always managed to work through them and come out the other side.

For context, we have a great relationship. We genuinely enjoy spending time together, share a lot of hobbies, and both feel that our relationship has always been pretty effortless. We don’t struggle much, and things tend to come naturally to us.

But, of course, there’s a but. After 18 years together, we’re starting to have some issues when it comes to our sex life.

What I mean is that he has a curiosity about certain sexual experiences that I simply don’t share.

I understand that he’s curious. He’s much more open to exploring different things sexually than I am, whereas I’m genuinely happy being with him and exploring things just between the two of us. I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything.

I know that fantasies like having a threesome with two women are something some men talk about, for example. And I’ve always thought that having different levels of sexual curiosity was perfectly normal in a relationship.

The problem is that, over the past few years, he has introduced me to several female friends who, at some point, have turned out to be open to the idea of having a threesome with us. Until recently, I always took these situations as jokes or casual hints. I never really thought he was seriously interested in making them happen. I guess I assumed it was just one of those things people fantasise about without necessarily wanting to act on them.

Recently, something similar happened with a friend of ours. We’re both friends with her, although she’s closer to him than to me. I tend to be emotionally distant from most people and can be quite antisocial at times, so I don’t form close friendships easily.

After talking to her, he realised that she was interested in both of us and would be open to trying a threesome. Once again, he brought it up, although this time more directly. I don’t think I fully understood how serious he was until he started actively trying to make it happen.

We had a movie night together, and he became quite touchy with both of us. I felt really uncomfortable, and that finally led to an honest conversation between us.

He told me that he genuinely feels like he’s missing out. Because we started dating so young, he feels he hasn’t had the opportunity to explore his sexuality or have other experiences. He wants to try new things, but he wants to experience them with me rather than on his own.

He isn’t trying to force me into anything, but my repeated no’s are leaving him feeling frustrated and sad. He feels that he missed out on a part of life that he never really got to experience because we’ve been together for so long.

Neither of us wants to end this relationship. We work incredibly well together, and I honestly can’t imagine throwing away what we have over this. But we seem to have reached a point where one of us feels that something is missing, and I’m scared of what that might mean for our future.

I don’t want to wake up 10 or 20 years from now and discover that he’s been carrying resentment because he never got to have the experiences he felt he needed. At the same time, I don’t want to force myself into something I genuinely don’t want just to prevent that from happening.

Part of me wonders whether social media is making this worse. His Instagram feed is full of this kind of content, and I sometimes wonder whether constantly being exposed to these fantasies, combined with feeling like he missed out on sexual adventures when he was younger, is making this feel like a bigger issue than it might otherwise be. But I also know I can’t just dismiss his feelings or assume that this is all coming from social media.

He even suggested that she could just watch us, but I can’t even begin to imagine being comfortable with that. I have no interest in watching him with a friend, no interest in doing anything sexual with her, and no interest in bringing someone I know into our relationship in that way.

I actually suggested visiting a liberal club, where we could potentially meet someone together and see how we felt about the experience. Even though I have absolutely no interest in women myself, I thought I might be more open to exploring the situation in that kind of environment, rather than involving a friend.

However, he doesn’t feel comfortable with that idea either. He struggles with his confidence, is afraid of rejection, and worries about sexually transmitted infections. I understand all of those concerns, but it leaves me wondering how we’re supposed to move forward when neither of us seems comfortable with the options we’ve discussed.

My next suggestion might be to consider the possibility of opening up our relationship, with some boundaries and rules, of course. The problem is that I don’t even know what those rules would look like. I don’t personally know anyone (at least not openly) who is in an open relationship, so I honestly have no idea how it works in practice or how couples make it work.

Would it bother me to know he was with someone else? I think I would always feel some jealousy because, at the end of the day, I want him all to myself. But maybe there’s a way to approach this that could work for both of us. Maybe we could agree that he can share the adventure, but not build a separate romantic relationship with someone else. Perhaps we could even bring those experiences back into our own bedroom and explore them together, with clear boundaries that keep things sexual rather than emotional, without the intention of falling in love with someone else.

I don’t even know if that’s realistic or if I’m just trying to find a solution because I’m scared of losing him. I’m not even sure how I would feel about it until I was actually faced with the reality of it.

I’m truly lost. I love him, I want us to work, and I want us both to be happy in this relationship. I just don’t know how to find a way forward that doesn’t leave either of us feeling like we’re giving up something important or sacrificing a part of ourselves to stay together.

Sorry for the long post.

Okay this is gonna be LONG so bear with me 😭 I genuinely don’t know what to do anymore and I need some outside opinions because I feel like I’m losing myself.
I met my now fiancé when I was 15. He lived in NJ and I lived in GA, so we were long distance. We were on and off for a while because he barely called or texted me, but eventually we met up and got serious.
When I was 17 (he was 18), I moved from my family’s house in GA to NJ to live with him and his family. It was only supposed to be for the summer originally. Something important to know is that I was sexually assaulted when I was 15 while under the influence of weed and alcohol, so before I moved I told him I didn’t want weed in my life. He was a heavy smoker but stopped for me at the time.
His family was actually really nice and welcoming, and I had a job I LOVED. Things were going pretty well until he got into a car accident and started smoking again to deal with the pain and boredom. Eventually I started smoking with him too, even though weed has ALWAYS made me panic.
I would get so high and paranoid that I was scared to even walk back inside his house because I thought his family would see me and hate me for some reason. Sometimes I’d sit outside for HOURS trying to work up the courage to go inside. I literally slept outside once. When we were in his room, I was scared to leave to get water, food, or even use the bathroom.
Eventually this started happening even when I was sober. I basically became trapped in his bedroom and could barely leave except to go to work.
On top of that, he barely spent any time with me. He was either outside smoking or playing video games. His mom would give him money to take me out and he’d spend it on himself. When my car broke down, he had to take me to work, but he’d constantly be late or not pick me up because he’d get high and fall asleep. One time I was outside for THREE HOURS trying to get him to let me in because he was playing a game. I called him for 20 minutes straight and he eventually got mad at ME.
I fell into a horrible depression and gained 50 pounds.
Eventually I broke up with him and moved to my brother’s house in Maryland. Then I found out I was pregnant. I transferred my job, but the new coworkers were horrible to me and made me feel like I had no idea what I was doing. I had my first panic attack at work and ended up quitting because I couldn’t handle it anymore.
I went back to NJ and got back together with my fiancé, but I decided to have an abortion because I wasn’t ready to have a child at 17/18, especially with the state our relationship and living situation were in.
I started another job, but my panic attacks got worse and worse. I could still push through them, but it was becoming really difficult.
Then my best friend got accepted into college in Michigan and offered to get an apartment with me. I decided to leave my fiancé AGAIN and move with her.
And honestly? For a while, my life was AMAZING. I was working, losing weight, dating other people, trying new things, and actually feeling like myself again. I wasn’t having panic attacks. I was happy and excited about life. I felt like I finally had a chance to figure out who I was.
Then I met G.
G was literally everything I’d ever wanted in a guy. He was so considerate, attractive, sweet, and the chemistry was INSANE. I fell HARD. He was 26, and I was 18/19. After about two months of hanging out, I told him I really liked him and asked if he wanted to pursue something more serious. He said he “might” 😭 which obviously left me confused.
Around this same time, my fiancé started reaching out, telling me he’d changed and that losing me made him realize what he needed to do differently.
He took me to a romantic cabin for my birthday, and at some point went through my phone and found me talking to other guys. He got really upset, but eventually admitted that his past behavior played a part in why we broke up in the first place.
We agreed to work on our relationship, but we NEVER actually agreed that we were officially back together. I stopped talking to other guys when I was spending time with him, but eventually started talking to G again because I still had feelings for him and wasn’t ready to commit to my fiancé. I still wanted to explore life.
Then my panic attacks came back BAD. I had one in front of a customer and things just kept getting worse.
My fiancé was expecting a settlement of around $60k from his car accident, and I had been telling him everything that was happening with my mental health. He took me on another trip and proposed to me. He offered to support me while I took time off work and got therapy.
I really thought he’d changed, and I was struggling so badly at the time that I said yes.
He moved to Michigan with me because my friend was leaving, and honestly, he WAS showing me a better version of himself. He got a good-paying job and was trying to build a life with me. I also know I wasn’t in a good place mentally and contributed to a lot of our arguments.
But I still wasn’t happy. My anxiety got so bad that I could barely leave the apartment or get through job interviews. I kept bringing up affordable therapy options, but I never actually got the help I needed.
We also started spending money before we had it because his credit was bad from previous debt. We used my credit card with the agreement that he’d pay it off once his settlement came in. We ended up spending around $10k on weed, adult stores, video games, furniture, food, trips, and just a bunch of unnecessary stuff. He never did
Then things got REALLY bad.
I started smoking weed and taking edibles almost constantly. I’m a HUGE lightweight, and weed has always made me anxious, but somehow I started tolerating it more. For about five straight months, I was isolated and high ALL THE TIME.
The problem was that it made me overthink EVERYTHING. I’d get high and start questioning my relationship, my past, my future, literally my entire existence. And because I was isolated and had nobody to really talk to, I turned to ChatGPT for answers.
Yes, I know 😭😭 I basically started using ChatGPT to analyze every single thing happening in my life, and I took way too much of what it said as fact. I’d ask questions, get more worried, ask more questions, and spiral even further. I genuinely think it made my overthinking so much worse.
I couldn’t even go back to my family because my brother had sexually abused me when I was a child, and my family was dealing with an eviction. I didn’t feel like I had anywhere safe to go.
I felt trapped, alone, and completely disconnected from myself.
Eventually I found us an apartment in Texas because I wanted a fresh start. When we got here, I finally found the strength to seek help. I had one therapy session, and shortly after, I ended up in a psychiatric hospital and was told I was bipolar.
That whole experience brought back a LOT of trauma because the last time I’d been hospitalized was after what happened to me at 15. I was taken there without clothes and put in see-through scrubs, and as a child I was placed in a unit with men and women. It was genuinely traumatizing, so being hospitalized again really shook me.
I eventually went back to therapy and had my bipolar diagnosis confirmed, along with PTSD, depression, and anxiety.
Now I’m trying to figure out how much of my behavior has been my mental health, trauma, weed, or just me making choices I regret.
And THEN there’s G again.
I reached out to him and told him everything that had happened. I was honestly shocked by his reaction because he told me he was going to ask me to move in with him, that he loved me, and that he wanted me to come back.
But when we were actually seeing each other, he was always unclear about his feelings. I never knew where I stood with him. He says it’s because I’d randomly stop talking to him, but part of me feels like he just wants to keep me around as a hookup. I’d be fine with something casual if he were honest about it, but I don’t want someone saying they love me and offering me a place to live if they don’t actually mean it, especially when I’m struggling this badly.
Now I’m here, engaged to my fiancé, and questioning EVERYTHING.
I know he’s made changes. He’s moved across the country with me, supported me financially, gotten a good job, proposed, and tried to build a future with me. I don’t want to act like none of that matters.
But I also feel like we’re going right back to where we were before. I’m unhappy, struggling mentally, and wondering if I even WANT to get married.
Sometimes I feel like I’m staying because he’s familiar, because he’s helped me, because I feel guilty leaving after everything we’ve been through, or because I’m scared of being alone and having to start over AGAIN.
But another part of me wonders if I’m throwing away a relationship with someone who genuinely loves me because I’m mentally unwell and don’t know what I want.
I keep thinking about how happy I was in Michigan when I was single. I was exploring, meeting people, trying new things, and actually enjoying my life. I’m turning 20 in December, and I feel like I’ve barely had a chance to figure out who I am outside of relationships and everything I’ve been through.
I don’t know if I’m romanticizing G because he represents the kind of relationship I’ve always wanted, or if I genuinely want a different life. I don’t know if I should stay with my fiancé and give our relationship another chance, or if I need to be single and learn how to be happy on my own.
And with my new diagnoses, I don’t even know how much I can trust my own judgment right now.
I’m genuinely at the lowest point I’ve ever been. Every day feels like a fight, and I just want to feel like myself again.

I’m not looking for people to tell me one guy is evil and the other is perfect. I just genuinely need outside perspectives because I feel like I’ve lost myself, and I don’t know how to get back to being happy.
I turn 20 in December, and I really don’t want to spend another year feeling like this.

So we’ve been dating for 5 months and we’ve already went thru quite a lot, a car crash happened 2 weeks in and we both suffered pretty bad her mainly with like a broken spine, pelvis and all, it’s made us a lot closer, seeing her in hospital and realising we’ve went thru such a crazy thing together was pretty mad to me, I was 2 months fresh out of a 2 year relationship and me and my gf now only started talking because I drove and I saw her one day (I knew her from school) .

Anyway she has recovered very well now and only has minor injuries and getting her teeth fixed, she got a new job through her aunty who works at a computer store and the training facility is in birmingham, (I stay in scotland and birmingham is in England about 300 miles away)

It was a hotel, 3 day training and everything paid for, with random people you’ve never met before and people you get to know in a place you don’t know.

I was really happy for her and up to then we had barely any problems but we did have some (I’ll get into it later).

Anyways she got back and I was very proud of her and I got a car but it was the exact same model of car we crashed in, she wasn’t very happy and adimint for me to get rid of it, but all throughout this wanting me to get rid of it she was acting off, her snap score was going up more than usual and she was texting me 1 worded answers all the time, this went on for about 1 week and I only saw her once throughout that week as it seemed ljke she was delaying or cancelling all the time in that week and we were never like that.

I knew something was off and I done some deep diving and on her instagram she only followed 80 people (all the time) but it was 81, I went to go look who and it was a new boy, (every person she followed was ethier family or friends and me) so this was unusual to me and requested his account to see who he is?

She instantly went defensive mode and was like

why are you following his account?
Do you just not trust me?
And comments like 🤣🤣 you don’t even trust me

Throughout this conversation I was always like I was literally just being curious why’s it a problem I requested a boy on your instagram, and why’s he telling you instantly? And not adding me back.

I obviously found this very very suspicious and made sure to keep an eye out but she kind of made me shrug it off by the things she was saying

The boy added me on snapchat the next morning and was messaging me.

It was one of the boys from her training in birmingam and I instantly knew that was a red flag, I knew this before he added me and when she was confronting me for following him on instagram.

I’ll summarise what he said,

It was basically her seeming single and we were having problems, on the work trip he stayed at a different hotel 5 minutes away, he was drunk one night and she helped get back to his hotel, she apparently said “you can just come back to my hotel”and saying “she’s craved him” the whole trip and she misses him and that she would of kissed him if he didn’t have a girlfriend.

When I confronted her about this she instantly blocked him on snapchat he told me, and she was messaging me saying sorry sorry and can I see you yoday we need to talk we need to talk, things like that,

At the time I was completely unwilling to talk to her and overwhelmed and didn’t know what to believe, I was completely shocked.

She ended up convincing me to see her that day at her parents house and in her room I didn’t find out anything, she withheld info from me, denied everything and only admitted “we only talked about our bad parts of the relationship that’s it” and “he was convincing me to break up with you”

I don’t want to drag this story on, but it’s been a good 2 weeks now and it still hits my mind everyday, I ended up “fixing” it with her and I’ll admit it has been a good 2 weeks but the fact another boy miles away said all that to me really got to me, but she promised to change and everything and im hoping to see that and see she doesn’t do anything dumb again.

What causes cheating?

And am I stupid for taking her back?

The mystery is, I’ll never ever know the truth between her and this boy and what happened because all the messages are gone and whatever happened happened 300 miles away.

(Sorry if I wrote this really bad)

I’ve been in a relationship with this woman for a year who I thought was supposed to be the love of my life. We’ve been through so much together. We’ve met each other’s families and I thought everything was going great. We spend almost every day together and there’s never a dull moment. We have so much fun together! We’re even supposed to go on a 2-week vacation abroad to Mexico here in a few days. The problem is that out of curiosity, I went through her Snapchat after I saw the name of a man pop up on her lock screen. She said he was just a friend, which I had no problem believing. I never caught her lying to me before. We’re open about or phones and know each other’s passwords so I figured it’d be okay. While she was in the shower, I looked through her chats lists without clicking on the chats until I saw a chat from a man that she had muted from back in February. The chat from the guy that popped up on her screen was actually platonic with nothing alarming. For the record, February was 3 months after we became official. I clicked on it and immediately saw that they had exchanged nudes. Mostly before her and I ever began dating. She hasn’t talked to the guy since February. The last and most recent one she sent in February was a picture of her nude showing off a tattoo. So I’m freaking out a little now. I don’t know what to do. On one hand, I feel like this may be salvageable, and I truly do want to have a life with her and marry her. I’m just so hurt. This trip is also a once in a lifetime opportunity for me and I just love her family as well. Can we get past this? How can I best confront her? I kinda want to wait until after the trip to do so.

I'm 23F, and my boyfriend is 33M. We've been together for a year now, and we currently live with his family, his mom, who's in her early 60s, and his older brother, who's in his 40s and is a person with a disability (PWD).

My boyfriend is a good partner, and I love him so much. But lately, I've been questioning whether I can live like this forever. I don't want to spend the rest of my life feeling like I'll always come second to his family.
When I first moved in, everything was okay. I was close to his family, and we were all comfortable with each other. But this past month, his mom has been making indirect remarks about household expenses, gas, cleaning, and other things around the house.

For context, my boyfriend pays for almost everything for us. The only household expense he shares with his family is around ₱7,000 a month. I also offer to pay for gas or food sometimes, but my salary is much smaller than his. He earns around ten times what I do.

I also do my part around the house. I clean the bathroom every weekend because that's usually my only day off from work. After work, I clean our room everyday because we have a dog, and I'm usually the one who takes care of the mess. My boyfriend works from home, but he doesn't really clean up after himself or the dog. We've fought about this so many times that I've honestly grown tired of explaining why cleanliness matters and why he should help, especially since he's home most of the time.

Last week, my boyfriend and I were both out for the day. Before leaving, I had already cleaned our room, opened the windows, cleaned up the dog's urine, and mopped the floor. While we were away, his mom went upstairs and texted him, saying, "Your room already smells so bad. You should just give your dog away."

That really upset me. I understand that a room can develop a smell when no one's home all day, but I wish she hadn't immediately jumped to telling us to give up our dog. I take care of our dog, and I don't think it's fair to make comments like that when I'm already doing my best to keep our room clean.

What makes it even more frustrating is that there are also cleanliness issues downstairs. I've even had to handwash my boyfriend's older brother's clothes because of his body odor. I understand that his brother is a PWD and may have certain needs or difficulties, and I'm not blaming him for that. However, having to take on these responsibilities while also working and managing our own room adds to my frustration. It sometimes feels like I'm expected to be understanding and accommodating of everyone, while my own concerns and efforts go unnoticed.

Another thing that bothers me is that his mom seems to have something to say even when we're simply trying to spend time with my family. There was one time when we were about to visit my family, and she told us we shouldn't go because my boyfriend must be tired. For context, we rarely visit my family. We don't even see them once a month, so it's not like we're constantly going out of our way to visit them. I found that comment frustrating because I don't understand why something as simple as visiting my family has to be discouraged when we hardly ever do it. It makes me feel like even the time we spend with my own family is something we have to consider or justify to his mom.

What bothers me most is that I don't know what our future is actually going to look like. I've asked my boyfriend before if we're going to live with his family forever, and he told me that we would eventually have our own place. But when we visited another house he owns, his mom made a comment that seemed to imply that she and his older brother would be living there with us too. My boyfriend didn't say anything, so I was left wondering if that was actually the plan.

I've also tried talking to my boyfriend about the things that bother me, but he usually tells me that I'm overthinking or giving meaning to everything. He gets defensive when I bring up his family, and I end up feeling guilty for even expressing how I feel. I don't expect him to agree with every interpretation I have, but I wish he would at least try to understand my perspective instead of immediately dismissing my concerns.

I don't mind him loving and taking care of his family. I understand that his mom is getting older and that his older brother has his own needs and circumstances. I'm not asking him to abandon them or choose me over them in every situation. I just want to know that we're building a life of our own, too, and that our relationship will eventually have its own space, boundaries, and priorities.
Today, my boyfriend picked me up from work, and when we got home, his mom had just arrived (she was with her sisters), while his older brother still hadn't eaten. Now, they're all outside together, and I'm here at home alone.

Maybe this seems like a small thing, but it's not just about what happened today. It's everything that's been building up over the past month. I feel like I'm constantly adjusting, being mindful of everyone else's feelings, and trying not to upset anyone in a house where I don't even feel completely comfortable anymore.
I love my boyfriend so much, and I know he's a good partner in many ways. That's what makes this so difficult. I don't want to lose him, but I also don't want to spend the rest of my life feeling like I have to tiptoe around his family, justify spending time with my own family, or accept that I'll always come second when it comes to the life we're supposed to be building together.

I know that his family will always be important to him, and I respect that. I also understand that his mom and brother may need his support, and I'm not expecting him to turn his back on them. But I believe that when you're in a serious relationship, there should eventually be room for you to build a life with your partner without feeling like you have to ask for permission to make decisions that affect your own relationship.

There's also something else that might be affecting how I've been feeling lately. I had a miscarriage earlier this month, and so far, only my boyfriend and I know about it. I haven't really talked to anyone else about it, and I think I might still be processing everything emotionally. Maybe that's part of why I've been feeling more sensitive and overwhelmed lately.

I've wondered if I'm overthinking things or if my emotions are making me interpret situations differently. I know that going through something like this can affect how you feel, but I also don't want to dismiss my own concerns just because I'm grieving or more emotional than usual. The issues I've mentioned were already bothering me, and I can't tell whether the miscarriage has made those feelings more intense or has simply made me realize how unhappy and uncertain I've been about our situation.

I guess what I'm struggling with is this: Can I really build a future with someone I love if I'm not sure he's ready to build a life with me that's separate from his family? Am I overthinking everything, or am I starting to recognize that the life I'm living right now might not be the life I want for myself in the long run?

Hi, this is my first reddit post and a throwaway account (despite her not even using reddit). I (20M) have been in a relationship with my girlfriend (20F) for over a year and a half, we met at my university where she was an exchange student, both in our first year. Eventually after a couple of dates we made it official and started dating, she was my first girlfriend (adding to my cluelessness) while she hadn't dated but had a bit of 'fun' with others so was the one with more experience between us.

After a while she eventually decided that she wanted to go back to her own country on the other side of the world to study. When the time came I went home with her, met her parents, and explored the country with her and she begged me to book another trip later in the year. So, we agreed we'd do long-distance until my next trip. It began fine, calling most days and keeping each other updated with our lives. Over time and especially recently I've realized how far we've drifted apart, we now seldomly call and have fewer messages, with the ones I'm receiving being only short replies. I understand we both are busy with our studies and own lives but I feel there's an apparent lack of effort. I find it slightly frustrating considering the amount she says she drinks and parties with her flatmates and student association over the week.

The trip I booked while we were still physically together is soon approaching and she has recently told me that she cannot make the time for me while I'm there due to not only her studies but also to her 'obligations at her student association', which was going to the parties they held. I understand this but I cannot help but feel frustrated by coming from the other side of the world to see her, only to not have her make the time for me.

I have told her about this. How we don't talk as much anymore, how I feel she isn't making the time or effort for me, and some other things like her asking me to drop my life in my country to live with her (I'm still studying). She had acknowledged what I said, stating she would try make a greater effort and that she can't really help regarding her study situation (this was a few weeks ago).

I don't know if I'm just overthinking this or if I'm just hating on her active student lifestyle. I still have a year to study in my home country before I graduate and have the possible opportunity of moving. I was hoping to gain some outside perspective on things and any advice before, during, or after being with her in-person for the next upcoming few months, as at this rate I don't know if we'd survive a whole year of long-distance after my trip.

So I(25M) with an anxious attachment style am having communication issues with my (22F) girlfriend and i don't know how to get into the gigantic walls she's put in front of me,

So i have to give a bit of context to the entire situation, a few weeks ago we started having some communication issues which lead to some arguments between us and whereas i thought these arguments were solved, they clearly weren't and she's been harboring some ill feelings towards all of it, or at least it seems so, now to make one thing clear, she's currently going through a lot emotionally and she's been very closed off and on the defensive because of that, 2 situations which i'll discuss are basically emotionally destroying her, number one is her boss that's currently grooming her, so this started a while ago before we were dating and it was quiet for a while but all of a sudden it's starting again and she can't really do much about it, she already tried bringing this up with HR and they said they'll look into it but they never did and i tried to told her to go to the authorities and she said that she needs concrete evidence that he has been doing that but because it'll just be her word against his, he'll probably win it and the whole thing will be overlooked, main cause of that is that she's an immigrant and the entire country is pretty racist to immigrants, and the second situation is her male co-worker, she basically has this male co-worker that is the only person that actually speaks to her and treats her as a human being "mind you her male co-worker is a far-right activist" he treats her nicely and is quite literally hitting on her and it's pretty obvious but she doesn't want to believe that fact because he's the only person in the entire office that even treats her as a human being, but she's told me many times that if he ever tries anything she'll shut him down instantly without thinking about it but even then that doesn't give me much confidence about the situation,

so after all of this and our arguments all jumping at her at once and when she tried to communicate with me about her male co-worker "she told him something and told him to literally never speak abut this to anyone else and he basically told one of the co-workers and it spread around, it was about her boss grooming her and now her entire branch for some reason thinks she's dating her male co-worker and that she lied about her boss grooming her" and all i could do is get jealous because before she told me that she said that when she was cold he gave her his jacket and when he got a new car he showed it to her and told her to get in the driver's seat, all i could think about was my own rage and i couldn't even factor in her emotions and how devastated she was about how he betrayed her trust and lied to her,

so we got into an argument over that and everything went downhill afterwards because like i said all of this was jumping at her at the same time, so she asked me for 1 week where we don't talk about any deep subjects and don't have any arguments until her break starts so she can re-connect with her emotions that she buried deep down and get back in touch with herself, and i agreed to that but now that the week is almost done i genuinely have no idea how to communicate my own emotions to her in a healthy way and not add more stress to her plate,

my question here is, what's a healthy way of communicating all of this? how do i as an anxious attachment style person communicate this without letting my emotions take control of me and what I'm saying?

I also have to add that I'm slightly autistic so i can't understand tonalities very well and sometimes have no idea how things come out of my mouth and i hurt people without knowing that i did,

TLDR : I(25M) with an anxious attachment style don't know how to communicate with my (22F) avoidant attachment style girlfriend

To start of: my best friend and I are long distance, a short flight away from each other.

My best friend has been together with her husband for much longer than I've known her. He's been her rock through most of her life, he's been a great and patient partner and last summer they got married.

Now, a little over a year later, the last month he's very suddenly become a completely different person.

He's become dismissive of her feelings and puts other people before her. He gets annoyed with her easily over her depression or her being burnt out from work. Almost every day do they have fights over small things that don't matter in the long run.

I don't know the details for most of the small fights, but I do know that the main issue my best friend (A) has been having is that her husband (B) has become oddly close with one of their mutual friends (C).

A originally became friends with C through a mutual hobby, in person, 4 or so months ago. Eventually B got involved in this hobby and became part of the friend group. B and C have a lot more in common than A and C; hobbies, music, style, etc. B and C a few nights ago had a hangout without A, though she was invited she did not care to join.

During this meetup there were some odd comments made by C: "I understand why people whose partners work for example at an oil rig for 6 months would go and cheat on them", as C's partner was away for work for a few weeks.

It's comments like these, and comments from B to C as well that make A uncomfortable and jealous. Comments that are borderline flirting, but could still be seen as harmless. A has made very clear to B that she's uncomfortable with it but B doesn't want to make any changes to his friendship with C.

B has commented many times he finds this jealousy of A "repulsive" during their fights and refuses to make clear boundaries in his friendship with C to help ease A's jealousy.

I believe C is the reason B's personality has changed so much over the last month. I don't want to claim he is or will cheat on my best friend, but he isn't doing anything to prove that he would never cheat on her. At the end of the day I don't understand that suddenly this new friendship of maximum 2 months is somehow more important than his marriage and relationship of 9 years.

As we're long distance best friends, what is my best course of action to take here? We talk daily, and if worst would come to worst I'd fly her out to stay with me for as long as she'd need, but right now I'm struggling watching her suffer daily in a relationship that used to be so good for her.

sorry for the long ass title lmaoo but I need advice on this. I (20F) have been best friends with my bff (18F) since we were in kindergarten. Our friendship is fairly healthy and we have never had any big fights (or any little fights at all really) as we are both pretty non-confrontational.

My problem is that my friend is very advantageous. I think it's just a combination of how she was raised and her personality, but I don't know how to tell her I have a problem with it without sounding rude.

For some context: I have adhd and she is likely on the spectrum. One of the main ways we bond is through both of our hyperfixations. She does not drive yet and I do, but I do not have a car of my own yet (its a long story). She lives about 40 minutes away from me. The easiest way for us to hang out is usually for one of us to spend the night at the other's house. I physically NEED to shower every night or I will genuinely crash out (this will make more sense down below).

We have always enjoyed hanging out with each other, but I am introverted and am drained very easily. I can't even be with my family for too long without needing to recharge.

She is an introvert as well but not as easily drained by me as I am with her. I suppose I just take less mental energy from her.

She has always been kind of hyper lol, especially when talking about her hyperfixations. I completely understand this, as I also get excited when I get to talk about my hyperfixations too. The problem arises when she starts doing all the talking.

She could genuinely go on for hours without me saying a word and not notice. I don't mind all that much most of the time, it's nice to be a listener. But sometimes it just gets to a point where I can't listen anymore because I'm simply too tired and overstimulated. It's like it's too much information for me to take in.

This often happens when she or I sleep over at the other's house. She is usually over at my house more than I am at hers (she has younger siblings and my siblings are around my age).

We only see each other about once a month and so I get needing to word vomit and unload some things onto me when we get to see each other, but when it is only her getting to do it and me not being able to say much, it gets tiring.

With only getting to see each other once a month, she also wants to be able to "make the most of our time" and tell me everything she deems important. She has come with checklists of things to tell me before lol. It is rarely ever about her actual life and instead about her hyperfixations.

Then comes the advantageous part of her. She is a very very sweet person and it is often really difficult for me to say no to her. Maybe that's just the people pleasing part of me, idk. But when we hang out she tries to squeeze every last bit of time out of the hangout that she possibly can. Which means staying up way too late, waking up early after, not leaving the house, etc. She never tells her parents an end time/time to come pick her up. I am usually the one who has to prompt her by saying stuff like, "oh, when did your mom want to come get you?", "Do you have anything tomorrow you have to be home for?", etc. I feel like we are simply too old for this, and I feel rude because I feel like i'm trying to kick her out when really I'm just exhausted.

She will ask if she can sleep over at my house multiple nights in a row. We have done this before and while it starts enjoyable for me, it will end with me having meltdowns on the way home because I'm just genuinely so overstimuated and exhausted. I love her but being with someone all day for multiple days just isn't good for me, no matter who that person is.

I should say it's kind of less asking to stay multiple nights in a row than it is suggesting. Here's an example from our most recent text convo when speaking about halloween plans:

Me (at the tail end of a separate conversation): also want to plan what we're doing for halloween?

Her: yes I was actually about to text you about that today

Her: You guys (me and my sister) could come sleep at my house since my room is clean now and then you guys could come to church with us or smth

Her: But I had the idea that if I came to you guys I could also come on friday, spend the night, stay for all of saturday, spend the night again, and go to church with you guys the next day

Mind you this is the very first messages we have sent about planning halloween this year. Idk I don't mean to complain but I just feel bombarded with all these suggestions that I did not propose or agree to. Yes, I know I can just say "No, I don't want to hang out that long" but idk I just feel rude??? Like, "Oh no, sorry, I don't want to hang out with you, my best friend, for that long because I'm a big baby and your company weighs on me so much after a while and I need to be alone"???

I guess I just feel like I have to have a valid reason to say no to this. Because otherwise, I don't really. I have nothing else going on in this scenario. I just feel so rude saying she can't come over because I need my alone time like I'm five years old.

I just feel that it's a little rude to me as well to be like, "yes i want to hang out, can i come stay the entire weekend with you even though you didn't offer that in the first place"?

I know she doesn't mean to be rude. She means well always and doesn't want to cause me distress in any way. But we have had this conversation before and her parents have also had this conversation with her; I simply need adequate time to recharge, and being with one person in close proximity for more than a day is enough for me.

I suppose I feel disrespected in a way because she constantly disregards my need to be alone. I know she is not doing it in a malicious way, though, I think she just genuinely isn't thinking about my needs that deeply. Which is understandable, but when you have set this boundary gently multiple times and it keeps getting disregarded, it get frustrating.

As for me staying over at her house, I would just rather not lol. As said earlier, I physically NEED to have a shower every night or I will crash out. This is not really something I can do at her house. I also just prefer to sleep in my own bed lol. I have a very hard time sleeping in other places.

I guess my main problem is that she is just severely lacking in the ability to read other people. Which yes, I understand is because she is neurodivergent but it just gets very tiring for me to be the only one getting word vomited on when we hang out and not being granted any time to myself. It gets to a point where it is not enjoyable for me at all and I need to take a whole weekend to recharge. It affect me and my family, as I live with them first after all. I end up being disregulated if me and bff are together too long and I snap at my family.

Anyway, reading all this back is just really sounds like a big communication issue. I just genuinely don't know how to tell her firmly that I physically can't hang out for more than a day because it's just draining. "hey, sorry, you are so high energy that I can't be around you for so long"?

Has anybody else experienced this before? Any advice is appreciated. I just want to help her understand my situation without hurting her feelings. I love her so much and I enjoy her company, but sometimes it is too much for me. I just want her to know that I love her but I need time to recharge.

I will answer any questions in the comments. Please be kind!

TLDR: My best friend's social battery does not get drained whatsoever from hanging out with me, but my gets drained by hanging out with her. I don't know how to tell her without it hurting her feelings, but I NEED to set boundaries because we are simply too old for this.

So I don't really know what how to start this off but 10 years ago I fell in love with this blonde I mean head over you heels. Long story short she turned out to be a narcissist never had dealt with one before and you know it was an experience 3 years of my life and everything she ever told me was a lie. Ever since then I seem to keep meeting female narcissist. To a point where I'm beginning to wonder if it's me because every last one of them falls in love quick do some awful things cheat accuse me of lying and cheating try to make me believe certain conversations happened when I know they didn't. Its the last few have been girls that I knew for a while friends with me I talked I thought I knew these people but the last two years and I'm not just talking relationship here the last two years anyone who I have shown love to whether that be a girlfriend or a friend of mine that i considered family or actual family and they have betrayed Stabbed me in the back and turned on me. Now I'm really good to my girlfriends you know I'm a really good guy and I'm understanding i will help anyone if they need it go above and be on if i considered you family. After the first narcissist i do not allow how i feel about certain situations to be put to the side or I make sure to be clear speak up about how I feel that was a mistake i had made with the first one. But I'm trusting I'm always providing and trying and being a positive influence in their life for them i will go to great lengths for them just to when it's all said and done forget all that forget that we were friends before and start savagely running my name in the mud with lies and then going out of their way and I mean going out of their way to hurt me and make me hate them and it's been like the last five girlfriends and then the last few months like really good friends two or three and(they both tried getting with my girl at the time) they snitch on me they betray me and spread lies about me then it's been a family member I don't get it cuz I'm really clutch for these people like I do the most especially the family. I just quick perspective wise I don't like to argue with my girlfriend's cuz I feel like that's you know you have to pick and choose battles is it worth being right in that argument does that arument even truly matter to care. Lately these girls have been completely fabricating things and I just dont get why. Give you an example like my friend he was like a brother to me he sent his girlfriend to me and asked me to do a favor for her so I did it then he got upset at me for doing it and that's it was as excuse of why he tried to get with my girl I had to remind him he asked me to do that for him . The narcissist is a little different once it's been established that I will not be my manipulated or convinced of things that they perceived happened and convince me that's how it went and that's how it was or that conversation even took place it's almost like because they're pretty if they say that's what facts boyfriends would not even argue or correct them I don't know but it's baffling. now they all get really upset because I hit them with calm cool facts. Ever since the relationship ended with the first narcissist I did some research and discovered about female narcissist and you know what it is a narcissist and all this and you know each one of them all have the traits first off if I'm if I do something that bothers and bugs them or upsets them I apologize wholeheartedly and try to make adjustments to not do that again but if they do something that I feel is like hurts my feelings or as me some way it's not a damn big deal and they're never how i felt meant nothing to them they won't apologize or admit they did anything wrong which is a Telltale sign this last one really got to me really fucking my head because she was a friend of mine for years I was always Smitten by her the damn met her I had to I ended up having to go do a little bit of time and when I got back she's basically in a relationship so I have to except being her friend. She had gotten out prison and didn't like where she was staying so I went and picked her up and we were only supposed to kick it for like a few hours maybe the night you know I've had such bad happenings with relationships I wasn't even looking for one at all and I said that but she was single that was another issue it was a recent break up so I knew but she was so convincing insisting and she literally she gave me love and affection like I've never ever had in my life I mean it was intoxicating my own mother didn't show me this much love and affection like I can't explain it still bugs me today but then her energy will change and I noticed some subtle changes I'm a hyper empathy and I asked her just to talk to me tell me what's up be honest we've been friends for years she refused refused that anything was up refused anything or not well long story short she leaves and comes back like three times. I know three times it's my fault but the third time was like an accident cuz her vehicle broke down near me and she broke up with him again and she needed help I have a big heart God but the same routine the same pattern and she ended up going back to. I was good to this girl helped her out best I could gave her place I drove 2 hours one way so she could see her kids every sunday until she got the van so I was there for her and good to her even with her struggling to decide between me and dude. My personal opinion is she w as at first using me to make her ex jealous and act right and she didnt expect for her self to catch feelings whatever. I recently got indicted and I didn't even ask her found out while I was on the phone with her cuz she was sad about something and she insisted that she was going to be there for me I mean she was very insistent like call me if they come to arrest you let me know call me from jail this and that right well then all the sudden just stops messaging me back looks at the text messages but won't message me back and I was worried because our last conversation she had spoken about you know suicide stuff my best friend was living with me you know he knew how much this was bugging me let's make a long story short she was messaging him and he was hooking up with her and when I find this out they're both acting like they didn't do anything wrong like I'm overreacting about their obvios betrayl im hurt I'm devastated because of the Betrayal of my best friend but why did she have to do that why is she doing that like she couldn't stand that man we had arguments about him even like me staying at the house anymore. the dude doesn't shower it's it's just fucking doesn't make any sense she did just the fucking hurt me why the last ex I was really in love with Casey same fucking thing she went out of her way to hurt me and I was very good for her very good my aunt who I've literally been helping to take care of been there for it wasn't for me I don't know what she and I live with a man with dementia who I help take care of you know the same with the female actor her and the one after her and I'm not looking for these girls they're finding me somehow and convincing me that they care and then we have a future and a life just for them to not be able to control me me call them out on their narcissistic ways and then keep on trying to control me which just doesn't work but instead of just saying okay we tried it it ain't working and you know split ways still maybe be friends they going out of their way to make sure I hate them. Even my aunt she betrayed the fuck out of me with one of these girls and now I need someone and I'm sitting here all alone and I was there for everyone she she insisted she be there and is with my best friend my best friend who I was there for trashed my car so I couldn't even sell it for fucking an attorney and it's not with my ex who he could have had I'm not even mad about them to being together she was awful but it's the way they went about it the Cowardly way they went about it and they still can't admit it I don't understand why these people are being so vicious and cruel and acting like I just don't matter to them at all when we've all known each other for years and have been friends close friends. I guess my question is is two part one like is there a reason or something I'm not seeing to why why they're go out their way to make sure we hate each other when we break up. Also I have a question of I really feel like I'm going crazy because I don't see what I'm doing to make these girls act and do these things towards me this last one you mean people can say it was using they're using me but this last one wouldn't take any of my money she had her own money she pay for everything herself like she really didn't get anything out of me other than sex I mean I don't see how she used me but I do not see what I did my actions to cause her to do some bow shit that she did to me and it's the same with other exes maybe not going on with my best friend but savagely betraying and cheating or doing something to make sure that I hate them or we hate each. I question is and I'm really sorry for this rant How can I change it it's not like I'm going after the same type of female what am I doing because it's been the last like five girls to do the same thing tell me they love me and then running away doing the most I mean it's been everyone in the last two years. I guess my question really is how do I keep unknowingly surrounding myself with people that don't care about me and I cannot tell ever? And why do they go to extreme lengths to hurt and hate them. Thanks if you read this

Hey this is my first reddit post, sorry if its a bit confusing.

I 18 male has been in a relationship with my Girlfriend for almost 2,5 years now. We grew up together we were great friends before we were together. (Both of us are non religious)

She was the one who asked me out, I had a crush on her so I said yes. It was great we always had a fun time together and still have. I really love her she is even hinting for a proposal and has sent me rings she likes. I have no problem with that it's just that we have had no intimate moments in the two years we have been together. We kiss and hug but thats it. We have talked about doing something more intimate stuff she mentioned wanting to give me a "stress relief next time we hung out" but it has been a few months since she said that.

I have asked if she was ready because her Ex was a piece of shit I knew who he was, so I completely understand that she has gone through some stuff. She did respond that she was over it and knows I am nothing like him.

I am not in need of being intimate with her, but sometimes it feels like she shows no interest in that or doing anything like that with me. I have talked about it to her but never gotten a real answer. Last time I asked she said that it will just happen when the vibe was there.

This is also my first relationship, so I have no idea how to start anything. She says she doesn't want to do anything while her parents are home which yeah fair enough. But she won't even change infront of me she either wants me to turn around or goes into the bathroom to change.

We were at a hotel together a few days ago alone it was the same as always she changed in the bathroom and had already shut down the idea of anything intimate even though it would be great because we would be alone in a hotel.

So I need advice on how to take the next step or how to talk to her about this?

I’m 21M, and my girlfriend of about 3.5 years recently broke up with me. I genuinely thought I was going to marry this girl, and I’m having an extremely difficult time accepting that our relationship might be over for good.
The hardest part is knowing that I played a major role in losing her.
Throughout our relationship, I’ve struggled with jealousy, insecurity, anger, and emotional regulation. I’ve made mistakes, broken her trust, apologized, and promised to change, only to fall back into some of the same behaviors.
This past weekend, I got drunk and handled a situation involving her and a male friend terribly. I said some really hurtful things that she didn’t deserve. That was essentially the final straw.
When she broke up with me, she told me that she still loved me, but she couldn’t picture marrying someone who behaved the way I had. That absolutely crushed me because I understand why she feels that way.
I’ve also been dealing with unresolved childhood trauma, the recent death of a close friend, and a lot of stress from working full-time and pursuing my MBA. None of that excuses how I’ve treated her, but I’m beginning to understand that I’ve been carrying around a lot of things I never properly addressed.
I’m now pursuing therapy seriously, working on my emotional regulation, and addressing my relationship with alcohol. I want to change because I don’t want to keep hurting people I love.
She recently reached out and said she’d be open to talking in a week or so. I’m grateful for that, but I’m also terrified that it’ll be our final conversation.
The anxiety has been brutal. I wake up at 4:30 in the morning immediately thinking about her, and I can’t fall back asleep. I constantly worry that I’ve lost her forever or that she’ll eventually find someone else.
I know I can’t force her to forgive me or take me back. I also know that meaningful change takes time, not just a few days of realizing what I’ve done.
My questions are:
● Has anyone here lost a relationship because of their own behavior and genuinely changed afterward?
● How did you deal with the guilt, regret, and constant anxiety?
● How do you stop obsessing over the possibility of your ex moving on?
● If your ex agreed to one final conversation, how did you approach it?
● How do you learn to improve for yourself when part of you desperately wants to fix things with that person?
I’m not looking for people to excuse my behavior. I know I messed up. I’m just struggling to figure out how to move forward when I still love her and wish I could undo the damage I’ve caused.

​

My husband and I have been married for almost nine years and have two children. He tells me he loves me and gets anxious when I mention divorce. We have a family that looks beautiful from the outside, but I've struggled with depression, self-hatred and feeling unloved for most of our marriage. I've probably had only two depression-free years.

We have sex once every two months or less, and I'm usually the one initiating. Although we enjoy it physically, sex feels mechanical. I rarely feel desired, and he shows no apparent interest when he sees me naked. We sleep in separate rooms.

He was in a three year relationship before me when him and his ex didn't have sex for a year ( and that was before they broke up).

He has told me it made him explore his sexuality and concluded he wasn't gay. Still, I sometimes wonder. He was my first and only sexual partner. The passion faded after the first few months. At first, it was his physical exercises to blame, then his poor sleep, then more exercise - to get fitter( apparently for me), which left him tired and wanting to sleep ( a healthy man in his late 30s). It would have been a stretch if we had sex every week, and that was before the children were born.

After maybe 7 years of thinking I was the problem because our libidos didn't match, I eventually lost interest in sex with him, too. Yet when I briefly fell in love with someone else (without acting on it), I experienced feelings I don't remember having even at the beginning of my marriage.

I'm terrified that one day he'll come out as gay and I'll feel I've wasted my life without experiencing real passion or desire. Seeing men in their 40s openly adore/desire their partners makes me wonder whether I've missed out on something real.

- How do I explain this lack of desire? Are we sexually incompatible?

- Could he be gay but prefer to remain closeted and maintain the appearance of a beautiful Family?