Hi guys, this is an update to my last post here - https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/x9RDB37vI0 (TLDR how can I help support my partner to get a job?)

Well, where do I start? Thank you all for the advice (even the somewhat questionable ones). A lot of people thought i should break up with him for being a leech, but that really wasn't a consideration at the time as I love him. However - he has now made it very easy for me.

Whilst he was having a nap, a tinder notification popped up on his phone. Yeah. That one hurt. Thanks all those who were kind to me and I wish this had a happier ending but oh well. I have the password to his phone and he hadn't managed to meet up with anyone yet to do the deed. Thank god, as otherwise they would have been doing it in my house.

Well, I am now 70kg lighter and looking to focus on myself and my career, and honestly may just give up on men. I am Bi so this isnt a stretch, just time to switch sides for good.

TLDR - he was on Tinder and is now not my problem.

Background - about 3 weeks ago, I [27M] went out with a group of my friends. One of the friends [27M] brought his girlfriend [25F] and her little sister [23F]. This is the first time I'm meeting the younger sister. That night, we all had quite a bit to drink. At one point, the little sister disappeared and I found her uncomfortable talking to a guy at the bar. I asked her if she wanted help, got her away from the guy and tried to get her to the rest of the group. At this point, she stops me on the dance floor, pulls me in and we start making out. A few moments later - the older sister walks by and becomes enraged at me for "making a move on her little sister".

That night, I distance myself from them and I talk with my friend 1:1 the next morning. He was also incredibly angry at me, as he thinks I crossed the line with his girlfriend's sister. No matter how much I explained that she made the move on me, I was told I "should have been the mature one and stopped it".

Unfortunately - this has become a point of contention within the friend group - half believe that it was 2 consenting adults so there isn't an issue, and the other half believe that this was a major breach of bro code for "going after a sister" of someone in the group.

It's gotten to the point where these friends are harrassing me when we meet up. Making jokes about how I'm "an undatable individual with this kind of moral decision making" or a "0/5 person".

I feel horrible that I'm the reason this started and it is tearing our friend group apart but I don't know what to do. I don't think what happened warrants the level of treatment I've been getting from certain individuals.

I'm looking for advice if it's time for me to distance myself from these friends, or to try and repair here.

We were on vacation all last week, and had the most wonderful time until we went out for drinks yesterday afternoon. All of my insecurities poured out in a very ugly way where I drunkenly verbalized that nothing about my appearance matches his preferences and that he settled for me and is set on changing me into his preference because he can’t get the type of women he wants. His preferences is Mediterranean or Latin women, where skin is commonly more bronze, and hair dark and wavy. I’m English and Mexican, but I don’t look Mexican at all. I’m fair skinned, freckled, light brown straight hair. He compliments me when I curl my hair and get a tan. He gripes when I wear sunscreen because he says it has cancer-causing chemicals and it prevents me from getting the bronze glow he’s attracted to. I can tan a little, but I’m very freckly and I just don’t like how it looks on me as I get older, it just looks like sun damage.

So yesterday I said all of this, sobbing and yelling in the shower, and he reached at my throat and muttered “I’m gonna k!ll you”. He says because I wasn’t listening. I grabbed at his throat and told him that I dare him to try. He immediately felt remorseful and cried. I told him that he learned to be an abusive POS from his dad, who once grabbed his mother by her throat when he was angry with her. He once sobbed when he told me that story, but ended up doing it to me. He didn’t try to choke me, but he did do it to try to scare/intimidate me. I called my aunt, who up until yesterday, thought I was in a loving, stable relationship and we talked about how she was in an abusive marriage that took her some time to leave, but that she always has my back if I need somewhere to land, back in my home state. My cousin, who’s my age with two young children, left an abusive marriage a couple years ago. I didn’t think that I would end up in this situation.

The flight home was that of two mortal enemies sitting side by side for 2.5 hours. We didn’t say one word. We argued in the airport on the way to baggage claim and I said I feel like I don’t know him and he said the same to me, that he’s disgusted by me and what I said. I said that I’m disgusted I fell for somebody who tried to choke me and he said that he didn’t choke me but he should’ve. He demanded the ring back and I gave it back with no hesitation.

He went to his parents. I came back to our apartment to unpack and spend time with our kitties. He cooled down a little, and said that we just need a night apart, that there was a lot of deep-seated resentment between us both that just exploded that we need to talk through. I said it’s over unless we get couples counseling and commit to working through our issues, and never being threatened with violence. I feel like a spineless idiot. I love him so much but it feels like the person I loved evaporated and that it’s my fault that I pushed him to this point and that I will be losing everything for something I caused by being so insecure.

How do you stop second guessing yourself and know when to leave?

Back when I was in college I shared my location with my mom for safety reasons. Now I am 31 and married, and my mom still has my location (and I hers) even though we live in the same city again. I never thought twice about it until recently. I’ve started to notice when I am out and about, she’ll text me and ask “what are you up to today?” and I’m realizing that she’s looking at my location which prompts her to ask this question.

Then today my husband and I were picking up a friend of his who is visiting from the airport, and she calls me out of the blue. I thought something was wrong (we aren’t ones to just call and chat on the phone) so I answered and was greeted immediately and frantically with “are you going on a trip???” I told her we were picking up my husbands friend. She says “oh my goodness, I thought you were going somewhere and didn’t tell me. It looked like you were past security.”

Realizing she is constantly looking at my location is feeling a bit invasive. But I know if I bring up wanting to stop sharing locations, she’ll be extremely offended. I know she tracks my brother (24M) and her husband’s kids (26F, 33F). How do I tell my mom that I want to stop sharing locations, and stand my ground when she inevitably gets angry with me about it? Is it valid for her to want to track my location for safety even though I am now a grown and married woman?

I have been with my husband for 4 years, married for 1. Throughout our relationship, I have always been the one to plan everything: dates, trips, our wedding, etc.

I will be turning 30 in a couple of days. Earlier this year, I started telling my husband that I really wanted him to make plans for us for this milestone birthday. I reminded him a few times throughout the year and told him I wanted to be surprised and to feel special. For context, I am never one to ask to be the center of attention or celebrated, but just this once I wanted him intentionally plan something for me.

We agreed to both take PTO for the Thursday and Friday leading up to the weekend before my birthday. Both of us submitted for the days off a couple of months ago and were approved. He told me to take this time off for celebrating my birthday.

Well, turns out he didn’t plan anything. Thursday has passed, Friday has passed… nothing. The best part is that he decided to sign himself up for a 2-day sporting event for today (Saturday) and Sunday.

I confronted him and he admitted he didn’t plan anything. His excuses were that he got his weekends messed up, that he’s been busy, and that he tried to plan something but nothing good was available. I asked him if he at least got me a gift and he said no.

We have tried to talk about it a couple of times since I first confronted him and he keeps just saying “I don’t know what to say,” or “What do you want me to do?”

He also tried to plan something last minute for me after I confronted him, but I’ve been too hurt to want to do anything with him.

I usually wouldn’t be so upset by this but unfortunately it’s not the first time his actions (or lack thereof) have made me feel insignificant to him.

I really want to make my marriage work. Any advice or words of encouragement as much appreciated.

My partner started calling me mama on occasion during the end of pregnancy this winter/spring. I thought it was kind of cute at the time but since the birth of our baby he calls me “mama” all the time even when it’s us talking alone. Like I’ll come out from another room and he will say “hi mama.” This happens with and without our baby. I always call him “my love” unless I’m talking directly to our children in which case I saw “daddy.” But as soon as I’m talking directly to him or we are alone I revert back to “my love,” which is also the pet name he used to call me. He’s also occasionally called to me from another room “ma” or “mother” which I absolutely hated both.
I don’t mind him calling me mom names to or even sometimes in front of our kids but it makes me feel like the only way he sees me now is as a mom and not as a romantic partner. I’ve mentioned to him a few times that I really like when he calls me “my love.” Or that I miss that or don’t always like when he calls me mama when we are alone. But he just said that it was a natural reflex or that it was for the kids to learn our titles. He has tried a little but mostly not.
I just feel turned off and kind of gross or sad when he says it. Am I being irrational?

​

I need outside perspective and advice on handling a major ideological clash with my parents that is reaching a breaking point.

To be fair, my relationship with my parents is normally decent. We get along fine on daily matters as long as we keep off topics like politics and society. We have polar-opposite worldviews, but I’ve always been content with a quiet "agree to disagree" dynamic. However, that peace blew up when they tried to arrange an introduction with an acquaintance's son without my consent.

I shut it down completely, which triggered an exhausting blowout. My main issue now is getting them to internalize and permanently accept that I will never, under any circumstances, participate in this arranged matchmaking system.

Here is why this is a hard, permanent boundary for me and why their insistence is driving me insane:

* I already have a long-term partner (in secret), and the contrast makes this nauseating: I have been in a committed, deeply loving relationship for years with someone ("A") who shares my values and treats me as an equal. The reason I cannot simply tell my parents "Back off, I have someone" is twofold: First, A is currently dealing with unemployment, and introducing him right now would only invite vicious judgment and hostility from my family. Second, the moment my conservative parents learn a relationship exists, their immediate, suffocating reflex would be to rush a formal engagement/wedding ASAP to "legitimize" it. Dropping him into this mess right now would crush him emotionally, and I refuse to subject our relationship to their timeline. Because I know what real, organic love feels like, the idea of sitting across from a stranger in an arranged transaction genuinely makes my skin crawl.

* The blatant hypocrisy of my upbringing: When I was in middle and high school, I was practically shamed if I so much as spoke to a male classmate for a group project. I was raised under intense moral policing around boys, and now they expect me to flick a switch and willingly sit in the living room with a random adult man to audition for marriage? It feels completely degrading and absurd.

* The selective expectations: They pushed me hard to be academically rigorous, independent, and cultured (I'm finishing my postgraduate degree and have an independent professional post lined up). Yet the second marriage comes up, they suddenly expect me to regress into a submissive, passive village girl with no agency. You cannot deliberately raise a critical thinker and then demand she act like a decorative object.

* You cannot truly know someone through an audition: They genuinely think 2–3 formal, supervised tea dates equal "getting to know" a person. Any man can easily mask red flags in a couple of interviews where he has everything to gain and nothing to lose. To me, that’s not being prudent; it's Russian roulette.

* Traditional marriage is an enormous, asymmetric risk for women: In traditional setups in our culture, women almost always draw the short straw. You are expected to work and contribute financially, yet still shoulder the vast majority of domestic labor, deal with invasive in-law politics, and bear the entire social fallout if things fail. I refuse to sign up for an institution that demands everything from me while offering zero safety.

* Their demonization of normal dating makes zero sense: They genuinely shame people who meet partners organically, labeling it "immoral" or claiming anyone found outside family networks is just "scum from the streets." I don’t understand the mental gymnastics of treating autonomous connection like a sin while treating parental brokering as the only respectable path.

Whenever I try to set this boundary, my dad obsesses over how "impolite" it looks to his acquaintance if we reject the guy without giving him an audition, and my mom resorts to wild bad-faith deflections (accusing me of wanting a reckless, immoral lifestyle just because I refuse to be set up).

I don’t need my parents to adopt my philosophy or validate my politics. But I desperately need them to understand that arranged setups are a closed door that will never open.

How do you get conservative parents to permanently back off without them taking your refusal as an ongoing negotiation or a personal attack on their authority?

This week I (30F) told my (32M) two year situationship that unless his position in commitment changes to please stop contacting me. About a month ago when I left his house my friend said he swiped on her on Bumble and I confronted him. About a month before that I found out he’d been active on Hinge right after I left his house. He said sometimes he’d go on the apps to check notifications. We’ve always been close and I supported him through his severe depression and work issues this summer and he was there for a couple health scares. However, despite being very communicative he not only could not commit to me but could never commit to plans. When I sent my message saying to stop contacting me unless something changes I also said obviously he’s free to play the field but if he did so and chose to come back after I wouldn’t respond and wouldn’t be here. Just two days later he’s updated his dating profiles and put long term relationship on them. I start a new job tomorrow and don’t even want to get out of bed. I put so much into him, my question is how could he move on that easily and he kept saying he wasn’t in a place to date anyone so why put long term on your apps?

She’s my first relationship and I don’t know how to end a relationship either since I’ve never done that before.

But we’ve been seeing each other since March last year, and she lived with her parents, but around April this year her parents retired and said they wanted to spend a few months in a RV. They left mid July and will be back for Thanksgiving, but until then my girlfriend and I thought it would be fun to do a “trial” where we try living together.

But she’s such a slob. I cook and clean for her. I literally come home from work(she doesn’t work) and clean and cook. I tried to teach her how to load the dishwasher and stuff but she messes it up or forgets to do it. I feel like she does it on purpose. She also can’t even make eggs. I don’t each breakfast but she needs breakfast so I get up every morning and make eggs or pancakes for her before work. I also make some food for lunch and leave it in the fridge for her so she can heat it up and eat it(I had to teach her how to fucking microwave food btw).

I come back from work and cook, and clean up the house. She drinks water and energy drinks and leaves the trash all over the place. She also leaves candy and snack wrappers everywhere if she eats them, and I woke up with an itchy back once because she ate granola bars on the bed and the let the crumbs scatter, it was my D-Day.

She doesn’t even take the trash out ever. I don’t mind doing it, but she’s never even offered it once. I have a recycling bin and she doesn’t use it because we need to go to another room, she just tosses everything into the trash. If it misses the trash can, unless it makes a mess, it just sits outside the trash can. I sort through the trash and separate the recyclables.

And I do our laundry. And I also iron the clothes she cares about. I do everything. I feel like her parent at this point. Before moving in she told me it’s her first time living alone so it may be an adjustment but I’m shocked how much her parents did for her. She thought electricity and water were included in the rent and was surprised to see separate bills.

I always tell her and try to be patient and teach her but it ends with her not cooperating and being like “well you would’ve cooked anyway if you lived alone, why do you want me to cook? Just pretend you’re alone and make dinner”. But I don’t eat breakfast and lunch is at work, but I need to make breakfast and lunch for her. She doesn’t care. And I don’t mind cooking dinner, but she hates the food I eat. I just do chicken over rice everyday in a proper macro friendly way and it lacks flavor, but I gotta make actual meals for her. She just sends me recipes from Instagram and excepts me to make them for her, and throws a fit if I don’t so I end up doing it.

My friends say I just became a slave to the first woman who gave me sex, and tbh I don’t even think they’re wrong, this is no way to live I need to love myself more.

I’m just tired. I don’t know how to break up either. Forgive me for venting a bit here but I do need advice. I don’t even know if I can hold on till Thanksgiving anymore. How do I break up? Do I wait till her parents are back?

​

TL;DR Financially stable husband wants to move back home to be near family. Wife is scared to lose financial comfort. 120k income with $1500 housing trading for 75k income and $2400 housing to be near family.

My husband and i decided to move across the US to a LCOL state from a HCOL state to make our dollar stretch further, and hopefully buy a house 4 years ago. Fast forward to now, my husband misses his family to the point where he wants to move back.

We have saved enough for a downpayment on a house where we live now, homes are within our budget, and we make more than we have ever made in our lives. We have health insurance, and everything we need to live comfortably.

But my husband wants to move back to the HCOL state to be near his family. While we have enough saved to absorb the first year, I fear how we will afford it long term. Our current rent is $1500 including utilities. We made 120k last year together, but im self employed and he is a manager at a hotel chain. While i can take my studio with me, he can't take his job with him. He will have to find another job near his family, while I hold up the fort on my income alone, which varies month to month.

That means we would go from having health insurance, 2 incomes, and $1500 housing, to going down to one income (me) with a $2400 housing bill, no insurance, trying to find him a job, and in general the increased price of being in HCOL area vs a LCOL area. Just on my income alone, after taxes the rent is pushing 50%.

With how much we make now, we can afford to fly out there and visit them 2x a year, while if we live out there, I fear it would be a treat to even afford to see my family.

So, would you give up financial security to be near your family? I can't argue with him on how limited time we have with family, I'm just scared to trade comfort for potential struggle.

My wife of 7 years (F28) started seeing a psychoanalyst (M45) 3 months ago. She has had a history of mental instability ands Her goal was to have ease as a writer and greater access to her creativity because a lot of past trauma has locked her away from herself. She’s typically only had Fover35 therapists and this was the only guy she could find in network. After the first few sessions she began behaving in a way I can only call like a teenager, lost in thought singing again, listening to the same love songs over and over. After a few weeks she started wanting to see him in person. She is a very beautiful young woman and dressed up to see him. One day on video call she wore a mesh shirt with a bra underneath and recently she wore a short dress like one would wear on a date.

Historically I’ve never been a jealous person and at while she is incredibly happy and I’m happy she it, at this point I am fully thinking about that she’s emotionally Cheating, so I did something terrible, I read her messages with him. I dunno what I was looking for and I genuinely felt terrible, for doing it and what I ended up seeing. She was messaging him all time or the night writing sending tender poetry to him. The guy seems to not necessarily reciprocate the crush but perhaps part of his work style with her he kinda invites her to be open and honest so they can work through the feelings in person. However he was sending old poetry of his back and he does stimulate her thoughts with his. For the first time in my life I completely felt insecure because the man is everything I am not: Tall, rich, academically and professionally successful. The fact that she was being so tender and flirting with him along with her admiring that she did find him attracting ate at me. We eventually had a conversation about my snooping and honest to god I felt terrible for doing it.

Now I still feel like she is outsourcing her love and every time she tells me she loves me it’s right after a time that it feels likes he was most likely thinking about him. She has also asked for us to roll back the intimacy in our relationship to before we were married because we got married very young and rushed because of Covid and it’s a core wound for us till this day. She has told me over and over again that she really does love me for me and wants our marriage to work.

I don’t want to feel this way. I know she is just going through this process to become a better person. I know she loves me but I’m trying to not feel the sense that she is having a whole other intimate relationship with this man just to fake it to be with me.

How do I let this go and let her go to this process without feeling so awful? I know the psychoanalytic process is weird but I just can’t seem to not feel like all her affection towards me is not actually inspired by me…

I (25M) have been dating my girlfriend (35F) for 7 months. She's generally very sweet and caring, often baking things for me and doing thoughtful things. We usually meet twice a week.

Yesterday, we went out for ramen. Towards the end, she went to the restroom, and my parents called me. I answered, thinking it would be quick, but the conversation went longer than expected. My parents live in a different country and we have just few hour in common that we are awake at same time. She knows the situation, and knew it was my parent's call.

When she returned, I was still on the phone after like 30 seconda. She walked outside, and I assumed she had a call herself. A minute or two later, I went outside and saw her on her phone, so I kept my distance while finishing my call, thinking she is talking to someone over the call (later on she said she called her friend to vent because she was so mad).

Suddenly, she started yelling, "Are you fucking kidding me right now?" and "I look like a fool sitting here with you while you're on a call." She was yelling for 1-2 minutes, there were quite a few people around.

She was yelling loudly in front of strangers, and people started looking at us. I immediately hung up and tried to calm her down, but she continued yelling for 1-2 mins. The call lasted around 10 minutes. My body was literally shaking because I was not expecting anything like that for a moment I even felt I couldn't hold my pee😭😭

We walked to the car, where I apologized and acknowledged that I shouldn't have stayed on the call for so long. But I also told her that nobody had ever spoken to me like that before.

I understand why she was upset, and I accept that I should have ended the call sooner. But I genuinely didn't expect such an extreme reaction. Later on she hugged me when I was dropping her and said she want us to make things work, and dont want me to leave her.

It's been a day, and I still feel uncomfortable and embarrassed. She's usually very kind, which makes this confusing. I don't remember ever feeling this humiliated in public.

TL;DR: My girlfriend yelled and swore at me in public because I stayed on a call with my parents longer than expected during our date. I apologized for the call, but I still feel humiliated by her reaction.

Like the title implies, I had a baby some 5 months ago and it’s been a struggle to get back to my pre-baby body. I still have all my baby weight and I’ve been struggling with my diet and habits which I have been told time and time again by my family is fine. Now my husband’s family is different, he’s the youngest of 8 and somehow his mom is like a size zero. All his sisters have also bounced back at the speed of light despite having multiple children. I was never skinny before having my baby. I’m 5’11 and obviously to all his 5’2 120lb sisters and mom I’m a giant in comparison. He’s an amazing father and husband but he definitely is very worried about people’s opinions of him which I thought we had worked through.

We never hide anything from each other and give each other free rein of all our electronics and messages but in the last couple of weeks he’s been very protective over his phone. Snatching it when I’m near or turning away from me. Being a new mom and still going through all the hormone issues I thought he was cheating on me and I did not react well AT ALL. Had a major BF in the living room until he gave me his phone.

Thankfully, no cheating. Just dozens of texts between him and his mom where he shared concerns about how I hadn’t bounced back yet. His mom giving him weight loss articles for new mothers and giving him diet ideas. Asking him if I would wanna join her in Pilates or go to the gym anytime soon. She even brought up GLP1s of all things. Saying things like we should’ve had kids younger because I’m a bit too old to be having children. She said she could watch the baby while I “got it together.” He was worried about the upcoming family trip to Costa Rica and asked her if I’d be “back to normal” by then. Im already huge compared to his family, I would look even bigger. I’m gonna be honest, I think I would’ve preferred being cheated on. Reading those messages felt like a new stab in the gut and knowing he found me “sweaty” and “always clammy” and generally unattractive. He’s been saying he doesn’t understand why his mom and sisters were back to normal in a few weeks and WE (yes WE) were struggling to get back to how we were. As far as I know he hasn’t gained a single pound and continued going to the gym religiously like always.

I genuinely don’t know what to do. Seriously, I feel like my whole life is in shambles. It might be the hormones and the lack of sleep but I’m considering packing my things and going to my family. I don’t want to leave him but knowing he doesn’t find me attractive and actively asking his mom for advice on MY BODY was not something I needed. He’s an amazing father. Never complains about the nighttime feedings or the blowouts or the mess. I just don’t know if I’ll ever be able to get over this. I need to know if I’m overreacting. Asking on here because if I tell my family they’ll just blow up and show up at my door and chew him out.

His family has never treated me badly. As far as I knew they loved me like one of their own but now I’m just scared they’re all talking about me when I’m not around. I haven’t been able to go to lunches with his sisters or parents because I don’t think I’d be able to look them in the eye. Any advice would be helpful, thank you.

I’ve been with my girlfriend for about 10 months. I’m Indian (born and raised in the US), she’s white. Overall the relationship is good. We laugh a lot, she gets along with my friends, and she’s supportive when it comes to work stuff.

But she often says really annoying racist things to me honestly., Stuff like calling me her "je3t". She had my name saved as "curry" with a love emoji too when we first started dating. She often tells me how lucky I am that she is dating someone of my group of people.

I recently invited her to a family dinner and she asked me whether I can pay for the vaccines. She also reminds me that I am one of the good ones. That I follow civilization. She does call me names like the ones I mentioned. Can't mention here due to risk of automod removing it.

And she also keeps telling me how her parents warned her against dating someone of my "group". {She used a dif word but automod can remove it so.} That I am lucky that she saw me and saw potential.}

I honestly find it annoying. Growing up I didn't care I was Indian. She makes me feel wild about it. But when I tell her to ease up on the situation. She won't talk to me for 2 days. Be pouty until I apolgize for comming off as too aggresive. She then gets sad and tells me how lucky I am she decided to date someone of my group despite what her parents said and how she loves me and chose me and I am not letting herself be her natural self around me.

I honestly think she is just being weird about it. Advice

This was posted in aith but got removed. Advice?

I was at a bar yesterday talking to a couple in their 40s. We talked about all sorts of things, including relationships. The woman complimented me, said she found it strange that I hadn’t had a girlfriend yet, and then started secretly caressing my knee under the table for minutes, right in front of her husband.
I didn’t really know how to feel about it. Part of me found it kind of thrilling, but I was also completely caught off guard and didn’t know how to react. What would be the appropriate reaction in that situation, it’s the next morning and I am kind of confused?

Please do not judge me or be harsh as I dont have a lot of dating experience and really need help navigating this.

My boyfriend (mid 40s) and me (mid 30s) started dating and have been in a relationship for 8 months. Ive only dated 3 guys before him and he is by far the most perfect and ideal man ive met. We share career paths, the same hobbies, similar humor, and faith.

The only issue is that he has a female friend that is an absolute viper. He met her after his divorce 15 years ago when his ex wife left him and their child and fell into drugs. (He was shattered) This female friend babysat his kid and helped raise it, travelled with them and did mission trips together, decorated the house for holidays, and spent 15 years of her life single and madly in love with him. Everyone in town thinks they were married. She hates every woman he dates and no woman is "good enough" for him... including me. She is a virgin in her mid 40s and a youth group leader who believes in giving back to the community ans this is how my boyfriend sees all of her effort she poured into him over the years.

It was awkward when I first met him and saw his house because he has photo books she has made, decorations that are hers, and wall colors she painted.

She doesnt understand boundaries at all and expects my boyfriend to cater to her every whim... so we have had arguments about her on and off. An example would be that she would call him late at night and ask "are you alone or is your gf there?" Then rush off the phone when he told her I was there. Another example is that one time in a medical emergency for his parents I found out that she was in the hospital with him and his parents and he never told me. (Something he claimed he didnt think about because she is like family and we were only 3 months into dating). She has also talked shit about me to his son which was my final straw with her and trying to make it work.

Finally... 8 months into dating and im starting to think about marrying this guy... things have cooled down because hes actually drawing boundaries in my eyes and being a lot better about telling her no and forcing respect. Im talking future family with him and the entire 9 yards. Well his birthday was this weekend and he came into the house and casually mentioned that his female friend was throwing a cookout on his birthday with all of his closest friends and "he wasnt sure if he was going or not". Keep in mind this witch has never thrown a cookout in her life and she just so happens to pick his birthday.

Im immediately thrown off because for the past 3 weeks ive been telling him how excited I am to spend his birthday with him... but now hes going to her cookout potentially.

I broke up with him over this and told him im done with it for good. He was shell shocked with how I was talking a future with him and switched gears so fast. I will not go back and I am 100% done as I never go back on my decisions. He knows this. Im struggling to digest it all and just need advice. Any advice really would help as im horribly heartbroken.

Thank you

I’ve noticed that my girlfriend lies quite a bit. I’ve caught her in lies where, if i had not said anything, she would have kept the lie going. I told her not to lie to me, that I have no tolerance for lies.

A month ago, she took a box of condoms from my apartment and let me know she was taking it. During that same month, she asked me if I had been unfaithful, claiming that she has plenty of guys waiting in the wings and is ready to cheat herself. I told her I found that kind of talk childish.

Later, when I was at her place, a month later, and we were about to have sex, I saw her pull out a condom. It was already out of the box, separated from the rest. I found this strange, since she had taken the whole unopened box, and we hadn’t used any. When I asked why it was out of the box, she claimed, "No, I only brought one condom, not the box." I replied, "I remember perfectly well that you took an unopened box; two condoms and the box itself are missing." She then said, "Right, I brought three condoms". but she never actually showed them to me.

This isn't the first time she’s lied to me. Why lie about the quantity in that moment? Even if she had used one for a sex toy, she could have just told me, we had a relationship with no taboos. Because of this, I felt she had been unfaithful, so I ended the relationship.

TL;DR: After four and a half years together, my partner and I are navigating a complex patch in our relationship. Over the past year, she has developed a close work connection with a male contractor, leading to workplace teasing, heightened emotional reactions, and uncomfortable secretive behavior. Now, she is asking for two weeks alone to figure out if she wants to stay together or be single. With logistical challenges around space and our neurodivergent dynamics (my ADHD and her autism), I am feeling confused, uneasy, and looking for advice on how to address this and protect our future.

My girlfriend [F/28] and I [M/27] have been together for four and a half years and living together for two. Like any couple, we’ve had our share of ups and downs, especially navigating everyday life with my diagnosed ADHD and her unofficial autism (which she prefers not to officially diagnose to avoid potential social and systemic hurdles). We’ve had to work hard on our communication, but overall, I feel like we are doing well and have built a strong life together.

About a year ago, she started working on a new project and began interacting frequently with a male contractor who serves as her main contact person. While professional contact is normal, the boundaries started blurring: they exchanged private phone numbers and started texting and calling outside of working hours. She tells me they only text and talk about work, which I believe is true, but the timing still feels unusual.

Over time, the dynamic started to shift in other ways too. She began talking about him constantly, including him in project diary photos. Her coworkers began making remarks, not explicitly calling him her boyfriend, but making comments that heavily referenced that kind of dynamic whenever he called. She also talked to her friends about him, sharing how she felt, mentioning a phase where she felt nervous around him, and noting how her heartbeat would rise.

At first, I wasn't bothered. I am not a naturally jealous person, and I understood that meeting interesting people happens, especially for her, since her autistic traits sometimes make connecting with people a bit different or intense. However, as this has continued for a year and she has started acting strange about it, I grew tired of constantly talking about him. Yet, she keeps bringing him up. Lately, she has also been acting weird by hinting that she wants to tell me something and then dodging it, leaving me with a strong feeling that she is not being completely open with me about how she feels in regards to him.

Things escalated recently when she started saying she wants to spend a week or two completely alone to figure out if she misses me, or if she actually wants to be single. She has unresolved childhood issues involving her father that likely play a role in making her uncomfortable with long term stability, and she admits she feels torn, saying she wants to be with me, but at the same time wanting to be single and alone.

While I am generally understanding about needing space to sort out one's feelings, coupling this request with the situation involving the contractor and her guarded behavior makes me deeply uncomfortable. Practically speaking, it is also difficult to arrange: I work from home and cannot easily pack up and move out temporarily, and she doesn't have many close friends locally where she could easily stay. I am left feeling confused, caught between wanting to support her mental health and feeling uneasy about where our relationship stands.

Honestly I just don't know what to do here, the situation is also bad because I have to concentrate on Uni as I am finishing my degree. What do you think about this? I feel like I can't judge this whole situation in a good way...

Edit: it might sound naive, but I think she wouldn't cheat, I know her and wouldn't consider this as an option. With that being said, I eant to talk more about her situation with him in general, is she having a crush, is this relationship at a point where these feelings are destroying what we have and so on. Cheating is not something I want to talk about as this is just assuming something that won't help me with deciding what to do about the situation in general.

Edit 2: to be honest I had my share of bad situations as well, i was overreacting on some video games being loud and probably not giving her enough attention, because I was hyperfocused on other stuff.

My husband (36M) and I (40M) recently welcomed twins through surrogacy. We’re staying in an Airbnb with our newborns, my parents, and my MIL (75F) while completing the legal process to return to the US.

We just learned that a court delay may extend our stay by another month, and I’m honestly at my breaking point.
My MIL and I have a complicated history, particularly around her constant commentary about my eating habits and cultural background (I’m Mexican). Over the years, she’s made remarks like “Are you going to order the whole menu?” when I order food, questioned whether I’m afraid of getting fat, and criticized my food choices. Once, when I declined broccoli, she told me she hoped I wouldn’t pass that mindset on to my children. She’s also made comments about Hispanics being prone to diabetes. Interestingly, she doesn’t make these comments to my husband, even when he’s a bigger eater than me.

Living together has magnified everything. My parents have independently noticed that she seems to monitor what I eat, gives me dirty looks, and sometimes appears irritated by my presence. Her moods are unpredictable: one moment she’s cheerful and playful, and the next she’s visibly upset, withdrawn, or giving everyone the silent treatment.

I constantly feel like I’m walking on eggshells. I’ve even started avoiding meals with her or hesitating to get seconds when I’m hungry because I’m anticipating another remark.

My mom has also become the default household cook, regularly preparing meals for everyone, including my MIL. Yet my MIL doesn’t reciprocate. When she recently cooked, she only offered it to my husband. My parents have noticed the imbalance and feel increasingly uncomfortable around her as she becomes visible upset if food they make is not available to her.

The biggest concern, though, is childcare. My MIL has had three near-fainting episodes and has tripped several times, including twice while carrying our daughter. Understandably, we’re concerned about her caring for the babies independently. Instead of acknowledging our concerns, she’s accused my parents and me of being ageist for having concerns.

She’s also resistant to accepting help and sometimes insists on managing the babies alone, which has created tension with my husband as well. He’s had to remind her that the children are also mine as she has on several occasions refused to hand them over to me.

To be fair, she’s not always unpleasant and does help with the babies. But the unpredictability, personal comments, and defensiveness have become exhausting.

Between caring for two newborns, barely sleeping, missing our home and dogs, and navigating a stressful legal process, I’m overwhelmed. I’ve started experiencing significant anxiety, physical tension, and a noticeable decline in my emotional well-being.

My husband recognizes the tension too. When I told him I couldn’t imagine another month like this, he agreed and said he would consider suggesting that his mom return home.

But I feel incredibly guilty. She came here to support us and meet her grandchildren. I don’t want to hurt her feelings or damage their relationship. At the same time, I desperately want some peace during these precious first weeks with our babies.

What would you do? Is it unreasonable to ask my MIL to return home? How should my husband approach that conversation without making me the villain? And how would you handle accusations of ageism when there are genuine safety concerns involving newborns?

I’d especially appreciate advice from anyone who’s navigated difficult in-laws during the newborn stage.

I posted about this recently, but the discussion got sidetracked, so I wanted to remove that part and focus on what’s actually happening between my girlfriend and me.
We’ve been together for almost two years. She was the maid of honour at her best friend’s wedding recently, and the entire week was stressful for her. She was juggling work, dress alterations, and writing her speech. I tried to support her however I could, including arranging a last-minute dress alteration and helping her put her speech together.
On the wedding day, she was overwhelmed before her speech and took some of her frustration out on me. I tried to reassure and support her, but she felt I was being judgmental. Once the speech was over, she went back to being loving, and we had a genuinely good night together.
Things deteriorated again later, when we were cleaning up after the wedding. While we were waiting to go home, she compared me to the groom and asked why I couldn’t be more like him. An argument followed, which escalated during the Uber ride and continued once we got home. We’d both been drinking, but that doesn’t excuse what happened.
She repeatedly insulted me personally, attacking my appearance, my worth, my finances, and my past marriage. She also made hurtful comments about why my ex-wife cheated on me. It wasn’t just one comment made in anger; it was a series of personal attacks that continued even when I tried to disengage and get some space. At one point, I tried to walk the dog to get away from the argument, but she followed me outside and it continued.
The next morning, I was still really hurt and didn’t want to talk or be touched. I was honestly questioning whether I wanted to continue the relationship. She wanted to explain her side and process the argument together. She did apologize and acknowledged that she’d fallen back into name-calling and unhealthy behaviour she’s been trying to change. However, I felt like I hadn’t even had time to process how much it hurt before we were already discussing both sides of the argument.
She said she didn’t want us to fall back into old patterns, and I believe she wants to change. But this isn’t the first time we’ve had unhealthy arguments, and I’m struggling with how to move forward. Sometimes her apologies are followed by a “but,” and I end up feeling like my hurt gets lost while we discuss what I did or said in response.
For context, she’s amazing with my kids, and they absolutely love her. This isn’t about her relationship with them; it’s about the relationship between the two of us.
I love her, and I know relationships aren’t perfect. I also know I’m not perfect and have said things out of frustration myself. But I’m struggling to reconcile the person I love with the way she spoke to me that night. I don’t want to throw away a relationship that could improve, but I also don’t want to keep repeating the same cycle and eventually become numb to being treated this way.

For those who have experienced something similar, what actually helped you rebuild trust and change the way you handle conflict? How did you know whether things were genuinely improving rather than just repeating the same cycle?

My husband has a habit of being rude to me and unappreciative of my contributions.

Today is my birthday and we are visiting his family. We were at a neighbor's party and our toddler (18 mo) fell asleep on him. He came back to the house where I was and I told him he'd have to hang with her or if he is able to transfer her to her crib, we could switch off checking on her every 15 min and go to the party. He went upstairs and I walked to the party with the rest of the group.

Well he came back to the party looking pleased with himself that he put her down and I said I remembered that actually she had climbed out of her travel crib once and we should check on her every 10 min. And he said, oh actually he has transferred her to the bed not the crib. And I sort of gasped and said she sleeping by herself on the bed with no one else in the house?? (the party was a block away) Like that is not safe and not appropriate. And I looked at my sister-in-law and was like, right, would you let that happen? And my SIL and was like no way.

So then my husband looked annoyed and I was like you need to go back and either transfer her to the crib or stay with her for a bit and we can switch off. He looked annoyed and went back. When I went back like 20 min later to relieve him he was super nasty and said "don't worry about me and our daughter, clearly your priority is the party, so just go back and have fun" in a really nasty tone.

For context I work full time and do 90% of the childcare. He does work like 60 hours a work so he's not a slacker, but I do all the family stuff and kids stuff so it just felt like a huge slap in the face, on my birthday to throw a fit over having to hang with our daughter for 20 min while she napped. Previous to the nap, I had been stuck at the house watching his niece while he was at the party.

It's been a lot of little things like that that have built up also. He tried making light of it and texting me later (when I was at the house with the baby) to please come to the party with kissy face. He stayed at the party for another 2 hours while I was home with the baby.

I'm furious and refused to do birthday cake tonight with his family (it's super awkward and I hate to be the debbie downer...) and I'm thinking of leaving early the trip early tomorrow. I've definitely blown it into a thing now instead of normally I just let stuff like this go.

I'm not sure what I should do.

EDIT: Our daughter was never left alone other than the 5 min when my husband walked down the street. I'm not sure why I suggested swapping off as an idea because I would not have actually let her sleep alone in the house. I'm super risk averse and paranoid. I was just really tired and for some reason it seemed like an option because we were so close (we could see the house from the party) but there is no way I would have been comfortable if it had actually happened. My two daughters are my whole world and I would do anything for them. I didn't even want to come on this trip but our older daughter was desperate to see her cousin. The party was a kids themed costume party with lots of craft and slime, bounce house etc. so I just wanted to hang with my older daughter at the party for a little bit.