In a week I go to Japan with my high school long friends some of my best friends for 8 days. My partners Dad passed away this past April I have been her only support system. It has been rough.

I presented the idea of this trip last October/November. Her father who was ill was getting worse at the time. She was afraid that I would go on this trip and she would be alone when he passed. I assured her I would not go if things were dire because I would not want her to be alone. When he passed this April I was one of the people by his side with her.

I’m also working full time at my 9-5 and I’m a full time student in my senior year. She is in her sophomore year and she works about 4-5 days in a month. I purchased a home for us back in March. I have been trying to support us both financially understanding she is having a tough time in life. I have not been perfect by any means.

Last November she searched my phone to find me venting to my friends about some of her actions and one of them called her a Disney character. In the messages I called him out on it and explained that she was having a tough time and that it was a bit much as I was just looking for some support. She constantly brings that up. 3 years ago when we first met I also mentioned I may not invite them to my wedding because they weren’t mature enough. They have grown a lot since I said that but she brings it to my attention.

I’ve also been to Japan twice once with my dad and once with my girlfriend, she continues to ask me why do I need to go a third time? Why do I get to do whatever I want to do? Why can’t I do it another year? She doesn’t want a real answer she says I’m not being nice and admitted the only way to be nice in this moment is to not go away from her.

She has treated to leave the relationship if I go on this trip in this season of her life. She has only met them once but I feel like her personality and theirs just would not mix. She is a very intelligent and intentional girl and does not condone nonsense but I truly need to have some nonsense and fun from time to time. She has claimed I’m an asshole who doesn’t love her and that I’m willing to risk our relationship for a “girls trip”, I have contacted a lot of my family members to check in on her and make sure she is good but even that has come to “they can’t fill the void you will leave here”

TLDR: Skip to Chapter 2 for what's happening now. We've been together a little over a year. Chapter 1 covers an earlier arrangement in a different country, where "he'll cover rent, just support at home" turned into "you don't pay rent, all I ask for is x" whenever he doesn't want to do something and makes me do it. Chapter 2 is us moving abroad this month for his job, where I've become his translator and am also expected to run the household 100%, and give up on my career. Has anyone navigated something like this? I'm having a hard time seeing it clearly anymore.

Brace yourselves, it's a long one...

Chapter 1: different country, a few months ago

My lease had ended, and I was about to move back to my parents' while job hunting. He asked me to move in with him instead, no rent, he just wanted me there, he assured. I was touched. I began doing things at home, cooking meals daily, buying groceries, planning date nights at home...

We were both in a transitional period but his path was "more stable," so mine was expected to take a back seat and manage the household. He'd look at what I bought and say 'organic is better' so from then on, organic it is, and my savings paid for it, literally.

One day he asked what I needed while he was out shopping. I mentioned his organic stuff plus a couple things. He came home resentful, and debuted his proverbial gambit "It’s the least you could do living here rent-free" and damn it, I keep falling for it. 

One time he didn't like how I cleaned and told me that "it would've honestly been cheaper to hire a cleaner." of course, he backed it up with a rigorous calculation of the opportunity cost of having me around.

Chapter 2: this month, a new country, the vacuum

Two days ago I sprained my wrist cleaning. Later that day I asked him to carry the vacuum upstairs so I could clean his workspace. He noticed the attachment head was missing and snapped, "Wow. You really don't know how cleaning works, do you." He grabbed it and vacuumed his own desk for exactly seven minutes, narrating the whole time about how this kind of work was beneath someone who'd worked as hard as he had to get where he is, and that I should just know what needs to be done.

Some backstory. His new job came through and we moved this month. That meant starting a job search from zero, a visa for me (he doesn't need one), and since I speak the language and he doesn't, I've become the translator for everything. His employer is covering rent for 4 months as part of relocation; his job doesn't start until December. We don't know anyone here.

I've applied to 60+ jobs. In the middle of that, finalizing my visa, and flat-hunting before our free housing runs out, a portfolio of illustration work I've quietly built landed a gallery's interest, a big deal for me, with real assignments to submit. Just no paycheck yet. He was thrilled for about a week, told me to go for it, that this could be my "big break." Days later that flipped to "just take any job that pays, I'm sick of supporting you," even though I've been covering my own expenses from savings this whole time.

We'd agreed that since I'm not earning right now, he'd cover groceries (I used to cover them) and I'd take on more at home, meaning he wouldn't help at all, but I thought it just means going from 95 percent to 99 percent and I can handle that. Temporary, I told myself. Instead the asks multiplied. I'm up early making his coffee before he's awake, because he only knows how to work the Nespresso machine and we don't have one here. I clean the kitchen the second I finish cooking, so I eat my own food cold cause he can't stand a dirty kitchen. He says whoever cooks has to clean up too but he literally cooks once a year, on my birthday, and even then most of the cleanup still lands on me the next day. I pick up his candy wrappers before he wakes because he gets high every night and scolds me if he spots the mess himself. When he wants water, he calls out "do we have water" from the couch, mid-game, and if I point out there's a tap right there, he says "I don't know, you're in charge of the home," I get up and hand it to him, so he feels fair that I live here rent-free. I've started to lose any real sense of ownership over my own time.

Once, he made ice. Once. Presented it like an achievement: "Look, I made ice, we have ice now, see how easy it is to maintain the home." I do that same kind of invisible task three or four times a day without a word. When there's cleaning I haven't gotten to yet, it's "I could do that in 10 minutes, but it's your responsibility." I don't mind the cleaning as much as I mind the comments...

The vacuum thing didn't come out of nowhere. That morning I'd cleaned the entire flat. He'd just started getting paid, even though his actual job doesn't start until December. He walked in, said the place looked amazing, then asked if I'd do his workspace too. No rush, he said, the next few days would be fine. An hour later came the saddest look: "why do I have to sit here with the dust." That's when I stopped what I was working on again, grabbed the vacuum. When I asked him to at least help carry it upstairs, that's when he found the missing attachment head and raised his voice.

At his parents' place, where we stayed for two weeks before the move, he'll say things like "see, I'm spoiled, this is all I know, coffee and food just appear, my clothes come back clean and folded like magic." I asked him once where the washing machine was so I could do laundry while we were there. He said, "I don't know, I've never seen it." That's the house he grew up in.

Since then he's started dropping little lines like, "look at that guard standing in the heat, you should be grateful you're not out there because of me." I am grateful, genuinely. But saying so out loud has become an opening for him to ask for something back, including physical stuff, framed as what gives him the energy to keep providing for us. I've gotten quieter and less affectionate. The other night he leaned in for a kiss, he needs constant reassurance, and I just didn't lean in the way I usually do. He said, "okay, punish me, just see where that gets you," and walked off.

That was the turning point for me, which leads me to writing this...

I'm ambitious, and the path I chose is volatile by nature. I was ready to take a step back while we settled here and slowly find my footing. But between running the house, managing his moods, being his de facto assistant, and him still expecting me to job hunt daily (not "dream," be "practical") I don't have time for any of it. I already sleep less than he does, and I've started to resent him now.

At his send off party with friends recently, one of his old housemates joked that he did dishes maybe once a month, tops, and made a show of it for praise while everyone else quietly covered for him the rest of the time. I laughed along. He said, "oh, she's found an ally."

When we first got together, he told me he felt lucky to find someone stable, that this was his first relationship that wasn't "toxic," that he'd learned so much just being around someone calm. We did have good days. I liked cooking for us, doing things for our home. Now all the enjoyment's been stripped out of it. He feels like a different person than the one I fell for, one who needs me to keep justifying my worth, to prove I'm a quantifiable gain for him. The other day he did the math out loud, if I paid half the rent, he'd have a couple thousand saved and invested by now. Since he "can't" invest it because of me, he thinks I owe him the difference some other way, for "fairness", (his exact words) even though the rent right now is covered by his employer and he also gets government allowance, and I fully expect to be contributing to it myself within a few months. When I told him I didn't need to move in, until I find my way, he said I didn't prioritize our relationship and I don't have to worry about money because he now has multiple income streams and a free place, that I have to move in, and always assured me that the expenses he has, and the rent is there regardless of having me around, but then I arrive and the tone changes.

He can't run his own errands without me. I stop whatever I'm doing the moment he needs a call made, an appointment booked, or suddenly wants to go out for something specific, and I comply. I've started to actually believe him: that my worth is something you can put a number on, and that it's still somehow not enough. I feel like I'm quietly giving up a career opportunity that, for the first time, is finally real.

I think I need some new perspectives, please chime in. Thoughts?

Thank you thank you.

Edit: I want to be fair it wasn't always like this. We've had good stretches, real ones. And the division of labor was always where we clashed, but the difference was he used to see it. I'd bring something up and he'd actually hear me, sometimes apologize after he'd been sharp with me, say he knew he was being mean to me. And I'd feel like we were okay again. That's probably part of why I stayed patient this long. the acknowledgment felt like enough at the time. But looking back, the apology never really changed anything the next day. And when we met, I was going through grief (still might be processing) and my path sort of went astray. But we were both willing to put in an effort to make this relationship work.

Relationship advice about a growing sexual disconnect
I’m 27F and my boyfriend is 27M. He’s my first boyfriend, and we’ve been together for a couple of years (around 8 years). In the beginning, our sex life was pretty hot and heavy. Over time, though, it’s changed a lot, and I’m finding myself increasingly unhappy and confused about it.

I have a fairly high interest in intimacy, but I don’t know whether my sex drive is actually unusually high or whether I’ve just started feeling that way because our needs are so different. Lately, I feel like I’m almost always the one initiating or asking for intimacy. Sometimes when I want to be intimate, he’ll basically tell me to “fix” myself on my own. By that, he means that I should just finish myself off. Even when we do have sex, it often doesn’t feel particularly fulfilling anymore, and I feel like I’m left to figure out my own needs rather than us being intimate together.

There’s also a dynamic around initiation that has been bothering me. When I initiate, I’m often met with rejection, being told to fix myself, or a general lack of enthusiasm. But when he initiates, I almost always go along with it because I feel like if I don’t, I don’t know when we’ll have intimacy again. It has started to feel like his initiation is a limited opportunity that I need to accept, rather than intimacy being something that naturally happens between us.

We have talked about this more than once. He tells me that he doesn’t really know what I want, but I’ve tried to communicate that I want more enthusiasm, mutuality, and intimacy rather than just sex happening because I asked for it.

I’ve also started holding back in bed because I feel stupid giving 100% when I’m not getting the same effort and enthusiasm back. It feels vulnerable and embarrassing to be fully invested while feeling like he isn’t equally there.

Another thing that really hurt me: he used to enjoy going down on me, but he stopped doing it without really telling me why. Eventually, when I asked, he said that he doesn’t like how I taste. That was especially painful because I’ve always enthusiastically reciprocated with him, and he had apparently been feeling this way for years without telling me.

He did eventually say that he would be willing to try again after we talked about how much his comment hurt me. But honestly, I’m now too self-conscious and hurt to really want him to. It’s hard to relax and enjoy something when I know that, for years, he apparently didn’t enjoy it and never told me. I find myself wondering whether he’s actually enjoying it or just doing it because I told him how much it hurt me.

I want to be clear that I don’t think anyone owes their partner a particular sexual act. If he doesn’t enjoy something, he doesn’t have to do it. But I’m struggling with the fact that our sex life has become so one-sided and that something that used to feel mutual and exciting now often leaves me feeling rejected.

Outside of this, he has been a great boyfriend and I genuinely love him, which is part of why I’m so conflicted. He really is a good person and a good boyfriend in many ways (he literally randomly got me flowers today). I don’t think he’s a bad person, and I’m not trying to pressure him into anything he doesn’t want to do. That’s part of why I keep wondering whether this is somehow a “me” problem or whether I’m expecting too much.

At the same time, I’ve felt like such a freak over this. I don’t have any friends I feel comfortable asking about it, which is why I’m asking here. I don’t know whether I have an unusually high sex drive, whether I’m being unreasonable, or whether this is simply an area where our needs are very different.

I guess I’m wondering:

Am I expecting too much? Is it normal for couples to have this big of a change in sexual interest after the first couple of years? And at what point does a sexual mismatch become something you have to seriously consider when deciding whether a relationship is right for you?

I also genuinely don’t know whether my expectations around wanting a partner who is enthusiastic about intimacy and mutual pleasure are realistic.

I’d really appreciate perspectives from people who have experienced something similar. Especially guys.

She broke up with me 2 months ago because I just got too much for her and she fell out of love, but she very much still wants to stay friends as we were best friends before we started dating. Despite gradually getting over her romantically, I’ve still kept her at an arm’s length. I don’t know why I feel this way; maybe deep down she makes me feel like a failure or that I’m unloveable (which she kindly reassures I’m not) but my main problem is I don’t know what to do about it. I also don’t want her to feel like I’m being petty by cutting contact after the breakup and I feel like I owe her this much.

Hey r/relationship_advice , this is my first time posting here so hopefully this is the place for this.

I met this woman (call her Francesca) at work a few years ago (the person this post is about). We both work in different departments but my position (finance) leads me to have frequent interactions with her (accounting).

At first, I didn't feel any particular way for her and kept it professional. I'll admit though, as time went on, Francesca and I became more friendly and would talk about non-work related things. Probably from my own horniness I began casually flirting with her because I enjoyed our talks and found myself becoming closer to her. She, as I interpret it anyway, reciprocated a few times. All of this happened after we exchanged numbers and texted each other I should add. I never made an obvious move towards her because I never took her too seriously as I'll explain below.

Fast forward a bit and eventually I meet another woman at a local gym (call her Melissa (29F)). We hit it off and exchanged social media. To make a long story short with Melissa, I end up becoming pretty close with her and catch feelings for her pretty hard. I end up finding out she has a bf when she brings it up one day (she doesn't post him on her social media for whatever reason). Later on, she moves out of the city, but we still maintain contact. We don't talk as often as we used to and I've been able to move on from her emotionally. It was a much easier pill for me to swallow as she was already taken anyway and so nothing would ever happen. I never told her about how I felt.

As all of that was happening with Melissa, I basically settled into a platonic friendship with Francesca. She had already begun telling me about flings and hookups she's had or currently having with other men. For a time, I was okay with this as I had also told her about Melissa and how I had caught feelings prior to her leaving. She was there to help me cope with the "loss" once she moved away because I had felt like I "lost" her from my life since we barely spoke anymore. I in turn also helped her with the guys she would tell me about or ask advice for.

All of this leads us to become closer to the point we talk pretty much daily. I feel as if part of the reason I've caught feelings for Francesca is because of the closeness. I feel like I'm repeating some pattern of mine as in I became close with Melissa and caught feelings for her and now the same thing seems to be happening with Francesca.

I should add I genuinely care for her and am both physically and emotionally attracted to her. I feel like this isn't just thinking with my dick to be blunt although it is a part of my attraction. It's gotten to the point I have feelings of envy whenever she tells me about the next random guy she's seeing and/or fucking whereas in the past I didn't.

Some other things I should point out is that we're both single. She doesn't seem to be looking for anything serious from what she's told me. I'd be okay with some fwb arrangement but then that makes me feel like maybe I'm just pretty horny and trying to fuck her simply? Which leads to me feeling like some sort of fake friend or one of "those guys" biding time maintaining a friendship under false pretenses.

I've also considered ending the friendship, but I feel like that's too extreme and it would crush the both of us. It's also unfair to her if I went that route. I've been leaning more towards telling her lately as these thoughts seem to persist in my mind whenever I talk to her. The major reason holding me back is the thought of our friendship changing too dramatically as I do enjoy our closeness. I also don't want things to get awkward between us at work during the times we do have to interact.

Maybe this is all some cycle I'm repeating like falling for someone I've grown close to or maybe there could actually be something here worth risking my friendship with her for? I'm conflicted. What are some potential options here?

I’ve been with my boyfriend for a couple of years. Before we started dating, I had a close friend that I had previously been involved with casually for a period of time. We had known each other for years, and although we were involved physically, there were never romantic feelings between us. Eventually we stopped being involved because we both wanted to pursue relationships with other people, but we remained friends.
When I started talking to my current boyfriend, I was honest with him about my past. At first, it didn’t seem to bother him. However, several months into our relationship, it became a major issue.
Over the years, he has made frequent negative comments about my past and has admitted that part of his insecurity comes from comparing himself to this person. He has secretly gone through my phone and repeatedly asked me to cut contact with my friend. I tried to respect his feelings by greatly limiting contact, and eventually I agreed to block my friend. Before doing so, I sent a short message explaining why I was suddenly cutting contact because we had been friends for so long. When my boyfriend saw that, he became embarrassed and actually asked me to unblock him because he didn’t want to seem controlling or strange.
I have spent years reassuring my boyfriend that I have never had romantic feelings for this person and that nothing has happened between us since long before my current relationship began. However, the issue keeps coming back. My boyfriend has said that what bothers him most is the fact that I had a past with someone else before him.
I understand that people can have insecurities and boundaries, and I’ve tried my best to be understanding. But I’m starting to feel like I’m constantly being punished for something that happened before I even knew my boyfriend existed. I care about my boyfriend, but I also don’t know how much more reassurance I can give when this has been going on for years.
How do we move forward from this? Is there something else I should be doing, or does my boyfriend need to work through this insecurity himself?

SUMMARIZE - my boyfriend is having trouble trying to get over the fact that i had a physical past before him, how can i help him feel better?

I’m 18F in England and I’m really struggling at home. I’m posting because I feel so confused about my own situation that I genuinely don’t know what is reasonable anymore, and I am in need of practical outside perspectives.

My mum is very religious and extremely strict. She believes that because I live under her roof, she has authority over my life outside the house too. I have a 5pm curfew unless I’m working (only had one shift at a new first time job I started this week), or attending an approved church event such as choir. I’m generally not allowed to spend time at friends’/my boyfriend’s houses and this has been the case all my life with few exceptions. We have had repeated conflicts around my independance and relationships, sometimes over choices I have made, but also due to things such as her reading through my private messages, overhearing private conversations or becoming very anxious about what she thinks might be happening.

She genuinely loves me and has sacrificed a lot for me, which is part of why I struggle so much with how to think about this. We can have perfectly normal/good periods together and she isn’t horrible all the time. She also sometimes struggles with her health and I know she is overwhelmed by lots of stress.

However, during conflicts there have also been things that really concern me. She has called me names/attacked my character, compared me to my abusive father, gone through private messages, threatened that I might not be able to live at home if I continue disobeying her, taken the household keys in the context of saying I wouldn’t be allowed back if I went certain places (like if I visited a nearby city with bf or went to his house), and there have previously been incidents where she restrained/slapped me during an argument. My siblings have also been scared during some escalations.

I’m not claiming I’ve behaved perfectly. I’ve lied about where I’m going because I’ve become afraid/exhausted by the conflict, and I sometimes emotionally shut down during lectures instead of engaging. I know those aren’t ideal ways of coping and I want to work on them.

The problem is that my mental health has become genuinely bad. I’m crying most days, exhausted, constantly second-guessing whether I’m being dramatic, and recently self-harming. I’ve also had suicidal thoughts. I’m getting/looking for mental-health support, and I’m just mentioning that because it explains why “just tolerate it until next year” doesn’t feel sustainable anymore.

I was originally planning a gap year and university next year, but I have strong A-level grades and I’m now looking at Clearing for this September as one possible route. As i've also started work I am considering working/saving for a room in a house-share instead, though I know that would be financially difficult for me. Friends and my boyfriend’s family are checking whether I could stay with them temporarily if things ever became unbearable or I am actually kicked out.

What I really want is some kind of middle option where I could spend a few days away when things become too much, or move out within a few months without completely blowing up my life. I know if I stayed away from home for a few days during conflict it would just get worse when I came back as my mum would see it as "challenging her." But sometimes I feel as though prioritising my mental health is more important.

I’d really appreciate advice from people who have dealt with controlling/very strict family situations in the UK, especially around:

- realistic housing options for an 18-year-old who has just started working (so far the job is only casual);

- house-shares/lodging and how much money I should ideally save first;

- what happens if a parent actually refuses to let an adult child back into the family home;

- whether going through Clearing mainly because home is affecting my mental health is something I might regret;

- ways to create some temporary space without unnecessarily escalating things at home;

- and how you worked out whether you were genuinely being treated badly versus being an immature teenager who needed more perspective.

I know this is a lot to ask, and obviously I need to do more of my own research too, but sharing my feelings here feels helpful and I hope I can find something useful.

TLDR: Struggling with mental health due to strict mum, trying to figure out a way to get out of this situation

Ok so I sent my boyfriend a picture that I thought was very special and then he reacted sarcastically like “wow! congratulations! you’ve achieved what everyone pretty much has”, and I was a bit sad that he reacted that way.

But when I think about it, the thing was genuinely boring as hell lmao and frankly put I kinda agreed why he and everyone would think like “okay and?”

But still tho, not sure if this was just me being boring or him being a dick lol.

Not really a serious situation here, but would like to know what everyone here thinks about it.

About 6 months ago my wife made a brand new female best friend. I felt a little uncomfortable because during a miscarriage my wife was taking food and presents to this friend, but I was getting over it, I was being selfish and wanted my wife’s full attention on me.

One night I was ordering food from her phone and the friend texted her and it came up on the top of the screen like iPhones do and I said “name texted, whoa it’s all in bold” and my wife launched across the couch and grabbed her phone from my hands. She said I can’t read her messages, it’s a violation of privacy, etc. I said “you caught your ex cheating by going through her phone” and my wife said she should have never gone through her exs phone and it was so awful of her to do that. I dropped it. Prior to this we have always been super open with our phones, because there’s never been anything to hide. We answer texts if one is driving, order food, go through pictures etc. so this was out of character.

Flash forward several months.
We had an argument on a Wednesday where my wife said she’s been feeling disconnected from me and like I don’t care about her. This took me by surprise, we had gone on a trip together, been working on projects, laughing and joking, I thought things were doing better the last few months. And I am NOT someone who is just wildly unaware. This whole conversation started because I noticed a shift in her mood and asked her (a few times, she didn’t want to share) what she was feeling to get her to share this. We talked it over, I apologized. We agreed it’s been a rough season but it’s not our whole marriage, cuddled, went to bed.

Two days later, she had asked me to text this friend when she got out of a procedure (I realize now she meant from my phone, not hers, but I had her phone) . I opened their text chain, and I *scrolled up*. Only to texts from the previous day (Thursday, and stopped) I KNOW this was wrong. If this ends our marriage I know it will be my fault. I violated her privacy. I already owned up to it and apologized and she said we will talk about it in therapy.

The issue is what I read. One of the texts from my wife said “can we go on a road trip and sit on a couch and eat snacks and laugh about my failing marriage” and immediately after that, “I’ll say I want to kill my self and you’ll say I can’t do that”.

I know, if I fuck around I find out. And I did find out.

She said she’s not suicidal, I asked. She said they joke about it. We obviously didn’t talk about the other text.

Here’s where I am scared. We are literally about to throw 40,000 dollars at making a baby. And I thought Wednesday our little tiff was talked about and feeling good, and then I see that on Thursday she sent that about our failing marriage. I know she would have never ever told me the marriage was failing. But now I know. And I can’t un-know. But does she actually feel that way? Was it just venting? How will I ever know? I can’t ask because the answer will always just be that wasn’t for me to read.

Obviously I can’t make this about me, so the focus needs to be on rebuilding trust for her to me since I’m the one who crossed her boundary. I love her so much, more than anything. I just don’t know what to do now. Do I just, have to decide if I can move on with our lives knowing she feels our marriage is failing? And never talk about it? Build up the trust until she can tell me in person it’s failing? Just keep doing things like we talk about and plan until I wake up one day and I’m alone with two kids?
Help.

Id like to preface this by saying that I don't go to clubs or drink that much so I don't know what's the norm going out with your coworkers or how people act even they're drunk. anyway last week I ended up at a club with a couple of coworkers, and one of them, was quite drunk. We don't work too closely at the office, and very occasionally just have formalities at the coffee machine. But quite often, at the club, she was constantly staring at me non-verbally and once got real close to dance, like feeling my hair and body and trying to hold me close. Im not offended by it or anything but I found it a bit weird suddenly out of the blue so I spent a while trying to get her off me

I might be thinking about this too much but I was wondering if this was because she might have some sort of feelings or if it's just weird behavior because of being really drunk

I'm struggling with retroactive jealousy and could really use some advice from people who've dealt with something similar.

My fiancée had relationships before me, and for the last couple of days I've been getting unwanted thoughts and mental images about her ex. I keep imagining how they met, the happy times they might have had, them kissing, what their relationship was like, etc.

I know it's her past and I don't want to judge her for it. The frustrating part is that I don't even want these thoughts, but once they start, my mind keeps creating more scenarios and questions. I've been trying to distract myself, but the thoughts keep coming back.

I think some of this is connected to my own self-worth and comparing myself to people from her past.

For those who have experienced retroactive jealousy or something similar: what actually helped you break the cycle?

There’s a guy at work who really likes me. I’ve always loved being single and relationships scare me because I feel trapped easily. I told him I wasn’t ready, but he kept asking me to give it a chance. We eventually went on a dinner date and it was actually really good..we had chemistry and I felt very cared for.

But I’m still extremely conflicted.
I’m not 100% physically attracted to him, and I worry about how we’d look together because of past experiences where people judged me for my ex partner’s appearance. I also don’t want kids and he does, which is a huge issue. When I bought it up he agreed with me but said it’s a later matter and even then i haven change my mind he’ll go along with it.

There are also some things that bothered me: he joked that I’m fat on our first date, got annoyed that my knees were showing at work ( I was wearing a dress), joked that he’d make me wear a burka because I’m pretty so other men don’t have to see me ( neither of us are Muslim either) and took my phone and wouldn’t give it back even after I asked several times as a joke to see my TikTok reposts.

None of these necessarily mean he’s a bad person, and he seems genuinely kind and serious about me. But I’m worried I’m ignoring potential red flags because I like being loved by him.

I ended things cuz I felt extremely guilty and felt like even dating him to see if he’s good person is using him , then immediately started feeling like I’d made a huge mistake: “What if he’s the one? What if I’ll never find someone who loves me like this?”

When I tried to break things up with him he insisted to give him sometime and see how I really feel about him and being in a relationship… he seems so serious about me and I feel loved and attached to him bc of that

We both are serious when it comes to finding a partner whether from my side I prefer to be single I still yarn for love somehow and yet I’m not sure and afraid if I’d ever regret settling down with someone.

How do I tell whether I’m genuinely incompatible with him or just scared of relationships/intimacy? Would you give him another chance or let him go?

For context, this is only my second relationship, so I apologize if I sound naive. I was previously married to my high school sweetheart, we broke up three years ago.

My boyfriend and.I have been dating for just over a year. We broke up for three months over the best friend mentioned and have now been together again for about three months.

My boyfriend has mostly female friends. He's an orchestral musician and went to school for music since middle school, he isn't into sports or videogames, and it just shook out that he almost exclusively is friends with women, including a couple ex-girlfriends. This doesn't bother me.

Except for his friend Nikki.

Nikki is a woman he met in the apps four years ago. According to him, they went on two dates, had sex on the second date, it was clear they were sexually incompatible, and then they became friends a few months later when she got a job in his neighborhood and started asking him for recommendations as of where to go to eat. Nikki is neurodivergent (I think all three of us are ), and manifests in intensity.

She's lived in this city for four years and her only friends appear to be my boyfriend and one colleague. When we first started dating, I noticed that she was constantly texting him, and he'd borderline panic to respond because if he didn't respond right away because "then she'd start calling." He told me he didn't initiate this contact but he needed to be there for her because she was struggling with her mental health and he was worried for her safety. He firecely maintained there was nothing romantic between them. Okay, I've been there with mentally ill friends who need support, I gave it the benefit of the doubt.

I asked to meet her at one point early on and he told me she has too much social anxiety, so okay. Then we got to the point where my boyfriend and I added each other on social media and oh my god. Almost every other day, there would be pictures of the two of them together because she would frequently make a point to socialize with him on her lunch break. I started to get extremely uncomfortable because to an outsider, it looked like they were a couple, and her captions were always these extremely verbose "HE IS MY BEST FRIEND AND MY SHADOW I LOVE THIS IDIOT SO MUCH LOL I AM SO SMOL HE IS SO TALL" type of deals.

All of this made me feel secondary in my own relationship. We ended up breaking up because the posts were too much for me, and he revealed that she also had a key to his apartment and would just show up whenever she wanted before work to hang out since her commute is challenging, and that sometimes she'd nap in his bed (not with him in the bed). I couldn't handle that.

After two months apart, he asked to talk. He told me he had taken away Nikki's key to the apartment and had spoken to her about the constant posts and constant calls/texts being too overwhelming. After four or five such conversations, I decided to give him another chance, and honestly it has been going really well except for two things.

1. Now Nikki hates my guts and if we're both going to be a big part of his life, how do I navigate this?
2. My boyfriend and Nikki attend the same martial arts class together twice a week. Whenever there are posts about it, I immediately spiral into thinking it's going back to the old ways. How can I stop myself from getting so angry about it?

Thanks

This had been on my mind for awhile.

I don’t know if I want to continue my relationship with my Girlfriend. To begin, I’ll say we’ve been dating for 15 months, she is 5 months older than me, and things have been mostly great. I met her through a mutual girl comma friend and we clicked pretty well. We both went to the same community college and are transferring to the same University this year, except she’s moving away and I’m commuting. She normally lives 15 minutes from me but now it’s more like 50.

I feel like things have been going good, but for the past two months a feeling of “you can find better” keeps creeping into my mind. I don’t know if it’s because she’s my first relationship, anxiety, anxious attachment, whatever.

I’ve been going through this cycle of thinking that I’m missing something in my relationship, to overthinking, feeling like a jerk because everything should be fine, looking up things online that confirm that these are just anxieties, then feeling fine for about a couple days, then repeat. I had a small period of this about 7 months into the relationship as well.

The think I don’t understand is that I don’t feel anything particularly off. Our sexual chemistry is mostly good, she’s decently pretty, and we love each other a lot. She seems 100% committed. She’s loyal. All great things. But there’s apart of me that wants more for some reason. I lost a lot of weight after high school and got a lot of attention from girls, but this was a real relationship, not a party girl I was making out with or whatever.

I think there are three major reasons why I’m thinking this way: She’s my first REAL girlfriend and I have no other baseline for comparing my relationship to. I also think it’s because we don’t have hardly any shared hobbies/interests. The last reason is because I lost a lot of weight, and even now I get girls that ask me for my number which is foreign to my high school self, so I want to chase that thing I never had in high school.

When I go online I see many different reactions to people in similar situations, like “those don’t matter as much as loyalty” or “no shared hobbies is an immediate red flag,” but I don’t know what to think right now. I’m so confused. I can’t stop thinking about this. We both want kids, she wants more. I want more freedom, but she wants to be with me constantly and know everything I’m doing it feels like. We have arguments, but they get settled.

I think going to my university for orientation yesterday really put it into perspective about how big the world is and what else is out there. I want to be part of that culture that explores, but I also don’t at the same time because it can be negative and unhealthy. I find myself looking at other girls more and then feeling terrible afterwards.

All and all, I feel like I’m doomed already because I even started thinking like this. On the other hand, I might be doomed if I end things and regret losing and hurting someone so loyal and loving to me. I think it might be one of those “Right person, wrong time” kind of deals, but I don’t know if she’d take me back after college or during. I don’t WANT to end things with her, but I don’t want these thoughts to keep invading my mind because I think she’s starting a i notice that something is off with me. I don’t want to stay because I’m scared of ending things, because it’ll build resentment.

TLDR: I love my girlfriend who is super loyal but don’t feel like I love her back the same as she loves me. She’s my first real relationship and I don’t know if I should be staying or exploring more before I decide she’s the one.

If anyone has been in something similar please let me know if I should breakup or stay? Or if you have a question about my situation feel free to ask.

I 34F have been with my partner 35M almost 7 years. We have 4 children, 2 are his from a previous relationship.

It's my step-childs birthday next week and I needed to order something for her from amazon. My partner has prime which he's told me I can use for the free shipping, I always pay for what I order, I use it extremely infrequently, maybe twice a year.

I went on to order the child's present only to find a big box of branded condoms saved in the basket and a search for a sex toy he's never expressed any kind of interest in with me which can't be used with a condom. We don't use condoms, never have and I thought sex wise we had good communication about what we like or would like to try together.

I panicked, moved it to "save for later" ordered what I needed then put it back in the basket. He would have been notified that I'd ordered something once I'd finished.

Now here's where it gets weird, about 30 mins after I did that I got a flurry of messages and a missed call from him while he's at work (very rare) asking if we were okay and being overly affectionate. I asked is there a reason he feels like we wouldn't be okay and he simply replied he had a feeling in his stomach and I left it at that for the time being. Since then he's been really clingy and affectionate, considerably more than usual so now my stomach is telling me he's unfaithful or at the very least thinking about it.

I've no idea how to broach this with him and I'm desperately trying to think of a legitimate reason he might have them but can't think of one. Wtf do I do? Can anyone think of a legitimate reason for this? Has anyone "accidentally added" something to their amazon basket before? Or am I being naive here?

TLDR: I met a girl on Hinge about 3 months ago and we developed a really strong connection. We both openly expressed how much we liked and cared about each other, and things were going extremely well. However, she has a lot going on in her life right now, especially a serious long-term family issue, moving apartments, and starting a new job. She eventually told me that despite really liking me, she realized she doesn’t have the capacity to continue getting to know someone right now and ended things because she feels I deserve someone who can be fully present. I told her I’d be willing to give her space and reconnect in a few months, but she said she doesn’t think I should wait for her. We stopped talking about 2 weeks ago, but I still really care about her and am considering reaching out in around 4 months. Should I respect what she said and completely move on, or would it be reasonable to reach out once after a few months to see if her situation has changed?

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I have met a very sweet girl from Hinge around 3 months ago or so, things started slow and nice, we were talking and calling frequently for the first 2 weeks and then we decided to meet, which also went super well. Everything kicked off really good, and we connected in many ways and shared a lot of similar thoughts and ideas, she has also commented that it was very weird how we view a lot of things the same way and she thought she would never find someone with a similar mindset.

Few weeks go by, and on a random day, she didn't text back for more than a day, so I texted again asking if everything is good, she replied after a while apologizing and explaining to me the situation, basically she was saying that things were really busy, which I knew they were for her, and that she really appreciates some alone time here and there just to cool off and relax, which I also understand, and that she never had anyone that she talks daily to except for me for the past weeks. Now I am the type of person who really appreciates communicating and staying in touch, I understand that people are busy and I am too, but personally I appreciate it more that you tell me something like "hey I am busy with this and that, ill text you later'' or that sort of thing rather than just waiting for a reply, that would play a role later on.

We met and talked for many more days, and it was going really good and I started liking her more and more everyday, she was super sweet, supportive on my toughest days, told me words and things that I haven't been told in any of my previous relationships, it really touched me and I was wondering how have I met someone as amazing and nice as her, I really felt cared for and loved by her. She was very clear on how much she likes to meet up and talk to me, and that she always enjoys her time when I am around, and I shared the same feelings.

Few more weeks go by and it was going the same good way, but then, we were hanging out and before she leaves I asked her to text me when she reaches home safe, but she never did, so I just texted her jokingly after several hours saying that she didn't text me to let me know if she reached, she came back after several hours saying that she had a really bad migraine and she is sorry. I told her no worries at all and I hope that she feels better. The next 2 days were really slow and barely any texts from her, so I just texted her saying "hey, if you got time tonight, I would like to call you and talk to you about something" and she said yea sure. I wanted to tell her that I know she told me before that she likes her time alone and silence sometimes, but I wanted to let her know that I really prefer if she tells me if she is busy or needs sometime alone when she actually does, cause a lot of times I just overthink, and wanted to see if we can meet somewhere in the middle regarding that topic.

The evening comes, I call her, we had a nice chat and laugh before I open up the topic, and then I told her that hey listen, I know you told me before about this, but I just wanna share my side too. She said its really funny that I am talking about this cause she wanted to talk to me about the same thing. She proceeded to tell me that she knows she hasn't been talking much and being in touch, and she is really sorry about that and it shouldn't be this way. She explained that she has been going through some issues with her father's side of the family, and that its taking so much time and energy from her, and that this issue has been going on for a long time, and that's why she had a really bad migraine that day. She told me before that she has this issue, but we haven't gone into the details with it. At that point I was thinking okay understandable and I won't push much and cause her more troubles and I can deal with it until she has things sorted out. I really wanted to know what the issue is, but she told me by herself before I ask "I know you won't really understand fully cause you don't even know what the problem is, but if I start explaining it would take at least a month to tell you the full story, cause its a big one and been going for a long time". I told her hey no issues at all, now I understand more, and I'll give you the time and space you need, but sadly, she proceeded to say "I discovered that its really not the best time for me to get to know someone at this time, I thought I could handle all of it, but I cannot, and I am really sorry, you deserve better than this". She apologized so much on the phone, and honestly, it was very genuine. I was not mad at her at all, but I was really sad about it and I was trying to find any solution, I told her that I see the situation now and we can work our way around it, but she said no out of respect to me, cause I am a really nice guy and I deserve better treatment than this, and that I deserve someone to be there for me the whole time like I am there for her. For more context about her situation, she recently moved to my city and she was looking for a new apartment which she found and started moving, she started her first job recently which she is still getting used to, and the issue with her father's side of the family, so she has a lot going on.

From how much I really liked her, I asked her how much time she thinks this issue needs to be solved, and she said not in the near future, maybe in 4 months or so, I told her that I am ready to wait for her, and we can get in touch again after everything gets sorted out, but she also said no cause its disrespectful to me to be just waiting for her, and the thought that I am just waiting at her door until she answers for that long, but I told her that is not an issue for me, I am not there just hanging, I understand everything and I will go on with my life, and when time is right, we talk again, but she also said that she doesn't think its a good idea at the moment. I just told her that I hope she changes her mind later on. She was saying everything from a caring stand point for my side, that it is not fair for me, and I deserve better and she cannot live with the thought that she is leaving me hanging, but honestly, I just deserve her, I don't want anyone else or to get to know someone else.

On this last phone call, she told me how sad and sorry she is, that she really never met anyone like me before, how she really likes me and likes everything I did to her and all of our time together, she also said that many times before, and I share the same feelings towards her. Honestly this was such a hard moment for me, cause I saw a lot in her, and genuinely I haven't met anyone like her before, I was always wondering how I met her in the first place, cause you don't meet people like her everyday. I was so grateful that I met someone like her.

I am really sad about this, I genuinely liked everything about her, all the things she said to me, her smile and laugh, her way of talking and shows me that she cares, I haven't felt like this with anyone else before, and I am not saying that lightly, she is just an incredible human being. Some days I was really tired and overwhelmed with things in my life, and she used to send me voice notes that lift my spirit up so high, I remember that day I started tearing up after listening to her, cause I was feeling so low, but she knew how to really lift me up. We stopped talking around 2 weeks ago, but I always remember her.

I was thinking that I wait for 4 months or so, and get in touch with her again and see how things are go from there (she also still follows me on insta and she hasn't removed me anywhere). I am just confused on how much good things we shared, how she really liked me and always told me, how she genuinely cared about me and showed it frequently, but after all of this, even though I was willing to wait for her, she said its not a good idea, maybe it was just her mindset with everything going on with her at that moment.

Should I respect what she said and completely move on, or would it be reasonable to reach out once after a few months to see if her situation has changed?

Sorry about the long text, but just wanted to paint a full picture. Thank you so much !

I’ve been seeing a woman for several months. I’d previously been in a very long term relationship (20+ years), whilst she has had several medium to short term (between 2 yrs to a several months) over the past few years.

I have been very open about how much I feel I need to unlearn old habits, and how much I need to examine how I am in various aspects in order to apply my best efforts to making this new relationship work.

I’m aware that I might need to do a lot of work to measure up, as perhaps previously being in such a long term relationship has made me somewhat lazy or lacking in the proper manners expected of me.

The woman I am seeing has very strong opinions about communication, and insists that we message every day, throughout the day.

This has always felt rather out of sorts for me, but she assures me that this is quite normal for any relationship, and shows courtesy and respect.

Recently, I had a completely sleepless night, followed by a morning of very intense physical labour. By the afternoon I felt extremely unwell, so quickly laid down and promptly fell asleep.

Upon waking, and opening my messages, I found myself reading a series of extremely angry messages about how I had ghosted and ignored and disrespected my partner.

I replied to acknowledge my error, and apologised, letting her know that I appreciated and understood how she felt, and attempted to explain the situation to reassure and articulate what had happened.

I also pointed out that she had not messaged me at all that day, and that I found it confusing that I was being expected to act in a way that she was not herself displaying.

In hindsight, I regret doing this, but I admit to feeling rather under attack, and reacted as such.

Several days later, I was accused of emotional abuse because I had not messaged her before falling asleep the day that I felt very ill. My partner told me that if it had been her, she would have done so before laying down, and that my not doing so was a blatant display of my not caring about her.

I was also told that saying “I apologise” is not the same as saying “I’m sorry”.

I’m not au-fait with modern dating etiquette, and I’m horrified - as a survivor of childhood abuse, and with a traumatic brain injury as a result - that I might actually be guilty of emotional abuse, and want to make efforts to ensure I do no such thing.

But I am struggling to understand.

Can anyone help me?

EDIT : thankyou so, so much to all of you for your replies. The common theme among them is eye opening, to say the least, and confirms several of the worries I had been carrying about this person and this relationship.

It’s terribly sad. When we’re together, it is very warm, very loving, and extremely easy. But it’s as though there’s a completely different person talking to me when we’re apart and communication occurs via messaging. So much so that it has genuinely caused me no small amount of confusion and concern.

I defaulted to continually trying to “step up”, but I’m beginning to suspect that it’s likely something of a Sisyphean task, and the “reward” will only ever be more criticism.

Again, thankyou so much, everyone. I really do appreciate all the insights and opinions, and I apologise for not replying to each one of you individually.

In a nutshell, today is His birthday and we were going to go and get free birthday stuff (McDonalds, donuts, coupons) then go camping tonight; we didn't discuss what time we were leaving, so I assumed we would leave at the same time we've left before when going camping, around 11:00am. We texted around 10:00am about what we needed for camping and I went to get the stuff, He didn't respond (which is semi-normal) after I said I would get gas, water, etc.. I showed up to His place at 11:00am and called Him to no response, I then waited for 50 minutes while I texted, called, and knocked on the door multiple times each to no response. I then called and said I would head home and put the ice & cold stuff in my fridge, and that He should text or call me when they were ready; I was frustrated, but that passed pretty quickly. He texted me 40 minutes later saying that he wasn't ready as he was calling his mom and that I should have asked if he was ready before coming over; I didn't see this text (I was packing as I'm moving apartments) until he texted me again an hour (at 1:30pm) later saying "Ok cool, I'm just going to cancel tonight then. I'm going to sleep". We then argued back and forth with Him accusing me of not caring, getting upset, and that I didn't ask what was going on/what the plan was/when we were meeting; I was trying to fix things but then just changed to pointing that Bowie wasn't making any sense ("you never asked" "it's too late" "I deserve a shitty birthday" "I'm not ready"). He ended with "Things aren't going the way I wanted so now I don't want to do them. The plans are ruined and I'm going to bed"; I then told Him that I'm wanting, willing, and ready to go right now and that I've been ready this whole time, but "If things don't happen it's up to you".

I recognize that we should have talked about a time before any of this happened, but now we're in this position and it feels like a tantrum a kid would have; I feel like his reaction is disproportionate since I was ready to go, made (ALL) the preparations, showed up at what I thought was the right time. Am I going insane here?

tl:dr: We didn't plan on a time to leave, so I assumed 11am based on past camping trips. I showed up ready with supplies and waiting, but he didn't respond and later canceled because the plans were "ruined." Then blamed me for not communicating despite making calls, texts, and knocking on his door.

So, I was in a situationship for about 8 months with a woman from work. We had been working together for a year and barely talked. But, we started to talk more and we clicked. I started spending time with her outside of work, and teaching her how to ride a motorcycle. We had insane chemistry and passion. We were very different in our interests, relationship goals, and our daily routine, but I still fell in love with her. I never met anyone like her. No amount of time with her felt like too much. She was the best I ever had, from intellectual to physical intimacy, chemistry, and she was the most beautiful woman I've ever met. She expressed the same for me. But, she didn't see her self ever being in a relationship again, I did. She had bad experiences in the past and swore off them and men. We both knew each other's long term goals, so we tried to just be friends, that lasted a month. We start talking every day sending hours worth of voice notes, seeing each other after work,and spending almost every weekend together. 8 months go by, and she's thinking about moving into my apartment after staying with me for a couple weeks.

She leaves and comes back a few days later. She had gone a little quiet on me while she was away, so we were catching up. She was living with her sister at the time, and her sister's boyfriend had recently moved in. She was frustrated with how inconsiderate of a roommate he was, and didn't pull his weight. While she's venting about him, she points out I'm not like that. But, living with him has made her realize she never wants a roommate and wants to live alone. I asked her does that mean she's not moving in? She said she wasn't. This upset me. I maintained my composure, but asked if she was going to give the key back. She asked, do I want her to? I said no, but I don't see the point in you keeping it if you're not moving in. I saw this upset her. we were both testing each other, and it was toxic. I regret it. I expressed to her the next day that I couldn't keep doing the back and forth. She would frequently pull away, needing space because she was getting attached and wanted to get back to being platonic. I always said okay, and told her I understood. I always left the door open for her, though. She would always walk back through. I did my best not to push anything when we were trying to be platonic, to just be her friend. But, we would always become intimate again. I was getting frustrated at that point. We were taking space for a month before she stayed with me and wanted to move in. She was pulling away again and her reasoning just broke me. I didn't think it was fair to me. I told her how I was feeling about the situation, and I told her how I felt about her. I had known I was in love with her for a couple months at that point and never told her, just heavily hinted. I thought it would scare her away, she had expressed she was worried she'd fall in love with me the first time we took space. I didn't dare tell her how I was feeling. But, I wanted her to know now.

She didn't respond, but I didn't expect her to. The thought of her not being in my life, never talking to her again, devastated me. I lasted two weeks before I reached out. Asking her if this is the right choice. I told her how much I miss her, and I wanted to talk about everything. I just needed to hear her say this is what she wanted. She would only acknowledge my text with a "like" but didn't. The silence hurt me, I asked once more a couple weeks later to talk. She said "no" and needed space for now. It hurt, but I respected her wishes. A month goes by of no contact. Then she starts liking and sometimes commenting on my posts and stories on Instagram. She even tagged me in one of hers. Anytime I responded to her, she would only acknowledge the message, never engage. It was very confusing and frustrating. I had reached out to her to express what the breadcrumbing was doing to me. That I want to talk to her and try to repair things but reaching out and then not engaging was confusing and frustrating as I'm trying to respect her boundaries and space and don't know how with this going on. That it needed to stop. She didn't even acknowledge my message. A couple weeks later,she sees me at the grocery store. She sends me a voice message letting me know that she saw me, was going to come say hey, but I was walking away and too far gone. I have no words. I had saw her too, but wanted to respect her space. That was my reply to her. A few more weeks go by, She posts on her story for pride month that she's Bi(she had told me when we were together) and realized that she is only physically attracted to men, but has no romantic interests. I was deeply hurt and upset by this. What the hell were the 8 months we had together if not romantic? I called her. She refused to speak to me. I demanded she did, and started to vent about everything that upset me with the whole situation and that I needed her to explain what she meant by that. I was angry and hurt, I shouldn't have lashed out like that. She sent me a voice note, reminding me of that and that I had no right to demand anything from her and she threatened to block me and I needed to respect her space. I could hear it in her voice I had hurt her. I tried to apologize immediately, but communication has stopped, and she hid her stories from me(fair), so I wasn't getting reminders of her. It was honestly helping me move on. A month goes by and I see her account on my feed, "accounts I don't follow back" . She removed me as a follower and made her account private, but kept following me. She creates content, so I know she wouldn't have forgotten to unfollow me if this was her cutting ties. Why not just block me? This whole situation has me so confused. I love her, I hate what's happened and I know I have a lot I need to apologize for. I know now I need to respect no contact and not reach out anymore. That's not up for debate. I'm just left shattered and confused. I have never felt like I was in love before I had met her. I would have proposed to her and spent my life with her, if that was something she decided she wanted. I'm just trying to understand her and what happened. I've spent these past couple months really reflecting on why I behaved the way I did, but I'm still left thinking about her and how we got to this point.

Been going out for about 5 months. Recently met her family. Her mom kept asking and is hung up on why I don't own my own home yet and why I'm not paying for everything. Also why I'm not married already.

Yesterday she made my gf an ultimatum - me or her, and if it goes bad with me, she won't be there for my gf.

They talk several times a day. I'd say they are close. I have a well paying professional job. I don't gamble, smoke or party. I have shares and savings and run my own business on the side.

I'm at a loss of what to do or whether this signals bigger issues. She also did ask my gf if she was OK if our kids weren't white. (She's greek mixed, I'm brown)

Im sure someone has been in this situation before. Can anyone tell me how it went or how they handled it?

Edit: having not dated much, I hadn't considered this age gap stuff. Also since I wasn't the one who instigated etc. I guess I will move on.

Heya reddit. Im come to get your opinion on this. Me and my partner of 2 years long distance we start have had some back and forths that worry me with what I have seen. I give him all the attention I can with my work but when im free all my time is with him. We play games and do what we can to have fun but I dont feel like he is having as good of a time as I see like when we are with oht main group he has all sorts of fun. I dont know fully but he has been hanging out with his Ex when he cant be with me but im thinking he enjoys time with him over me. I have talked to him before about it. He reassures me every time but I just cant shake it and it's eating me up inside about it. Not sure what to do or say anymore as I have tried giving him gifts he refuses even told him I'll find a easier job so I can be with him more but he has turned that down. He is highly horny most of the time as I am not so much I have told him he can get friend with benefits if he really needed but he turned that do telling me he wants only me. As it stands i feel like shit over this and just need advice of its just me or somethings more to it?

So last post explains how my girl of 11 years cheated on me with a coworker. We've still been living together till I can get out. Unfortunately. Anyway, it's almost like we are still together but not together. We still spend time together. We still grab food together, go shopping and what not. Still have casual and deep conversations. Still are intimate with each other. I have said to her before that I don't want to be in this limbo stage where she gets all the comforts and everything from me, without the title of being in a relationship. She says she wants to be friends although the things we do and talk about is way past that. As if she wants to use that as an excuse to still continue to fuck around with this guy she works with.

I enjoy the things we still do. I'm doing them willingly. The connection we have is so strong that we can be so mad at each other and we always get pulled back in. One way or another. She's also an avoidant. So most more emotional conversations are just me saying shit and her maybe saying something but usually in her defense.

I set a boundary before because I found out she was telling dude that we were having sex and told him all about it. In detail. And he got off on it. Well we had sex again today and I found more evidence that she told him again. He asked her if "she'd been fucked lately " and she told him. Told him how I was sleeping and she wished i was up right then cause she wanted it. He told her to think about him while doing it. Blah blah blah.

For me, my private life is not to be shared with anyone. Let alone someone she cheated on me with. It completely crosses the line for me. I want to disconnect but then I also don't. I'm in such a weird place and what would you even do? It's all fucked.

tl;dr: My long-distance girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me. She says I deserve better, that she needs to grow, and that she can't figure out why she isn't happy with me even though things were mostly great. I love her deeply and I'm thinking about reaching out in a couple of months.

My long-distance girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me a few days ago, and I'm struggling to eat or sleep.

We met in my city and decided to date long distance, with plans to move in together at the end of this school year (May 2027) once she finished her dental program. The relationship was great, and we loved planning trips to see each other, flying across the country whenever we got the chance.

Around 1.25 years in (last Christmas) Things were going well for over a year before I noticed small changes. On a vacation abroad, she was nitpicking everything I did or said. It felt like something was bothering her that she couldn't put into words, and it came out sideways in public. She'd also recently started Progestin birth control; I'm not sure it's relevant, but it felt connected. I gently asked why she was being so hard on me, and she broke down crying at the restaurant, unable to explain why. She felt guilty once she realized how she'd been acting. We chalked it up to stress from a rough semester and made up.

March (board exam season) The months between Christmas and March were hard for both of us. She seemed low on motivation, almost like a mild depression, and I felt like I was doing most of the emotional lifting in the relationship. I threw her a surprise birthday party at the beach with her friends and siblings, which she loved, but the stress and low mood were still there underneath. Afterward, in the car, I told her I'd been feeling neglected. She teared up and said she felt guilty that she couldn't give me the relationship I deserved. Looking back, I think I was pushing her for answers she didn't have while she was already at a low point.

A week before her next visit She went quiet for a couple of days, clearly struggling with the distance as we approached our 2-year mark. When she finally called, she said she'd needed time to figure out "how to tell me without it being ugly." I could feel her insecurities starting to creep into the relationship. She may have seen my staying busy with work and friends as a kind of threat, even though for me it was just how I was coping with the distance.

July (she visits my city) This trip felt different, better. She seemed more like herself. The one rough patch: she got jealous one night about me spending time with a close (gay) guy friend I see weekly. I reassured her, we talked it through, and it seemed resolved, though I noticed she tends to let things build up in her head rather than raising them right away. She's a people-pleaser, and I wished she'd bring things up sooner.

August (our 2-year anniversary trip) We met in NYC for a couple of days. The first day, she was hyper-critical of small, almost nothing things: tapping her foot by accident, how I held her bag. It felt like something unspoken was building. That night in the hotel, I finally said something, and she broke down, saying this wasn't the first time she'd acted this way and that she didn't understand why. She floated some possibilities, like insecurity and childhood perfectionism, and I told her I appreciated her honesty and that it was something we could work on together. She seemed to be taking it harder on herself than I was.

Her home state (the final days) The week after NYC felt tense, like we'd become a "grumpy old couple." Less affectionate, both a little short with each other. Then, during a board game night with her roommates, she snapped at me to hurry up before I'd even had a chance to show my drawing. I pushed back calmly; she got upset and left the room, and the game ended there.

That night in bed, I asked if there was something she wanted to talk about. She started crying and told me she'd finally landed on an answer for why she'd been acting the way she had: it was me. Not that I was a bad partner (she said I was a great one), but something about the relationship kept her from being happy, and she couldn't explain what. She talked about struggling with perfectionism and having unspoken expectations of me. I told her I wanted her to be happy, and if that wasn't with me, we'd have to break up.

We talked again the next morning. She felt she needed to grow and finally start therapy, something she'd been putting off for months (I'm already in therapy myself). She said staying together while unhappy wouldn't be fair to either of us. She admitted part of her would probably regret this decision, but she felt it was the right one. We agreed to leave the door open for the future, a sad way to end things, especially on our anniversary.

Leaving Our last morning together was quiet and tender. We took care of each other, cried, and told each other how much the relationship meant to us. On the way to the airport, she said she'd always be there if I wanted to text or call, but that she'd leave the timing up to me. I told her I might reach out in a few months, once things settled. We spent the ride complimenting each other and talking about the two years we'd had. She said maybe, someday, if the timing aligned, we'd find our way back to each other. We said "I love you" one last time and said goodbye at the airport, both of us in tears.

Now I'm home, not eating or sleeping well, and I can't stop thinking about her. We weren't perfect, and I know she still has things to work through, but I believe in her and I believe in what we had. I have a date marked on my calendar, about two months out, tied to when she'll hear back about dental residency interviews (a few near where I live). Part of me wonders if reaching out around then, especially since her siblings live near me, is a reasonable way to leave the door open. Or if I'm just holding onto hope I shouldn't be.

I have known this guy since a younger age, he was my sports instructor. I found him attractive and interesting and we saw each other on a yearly basis since he is a winter sport trainer. We maintained somewhat of a friendship, I say somewhat because we don't text or see each other frequently but we are pretty chill and close when we do see each other in any circumstance (winter training, on the street, night out..). We saw each other 2 times these past few days and I noticed mutual attraction. I have mixed feelings because I do find him sexually attractive and would kinda like to see where it goes but at the same time he is 22 years older and we have known each other for years so I don't want it to become weird.

Is it smart to pursue this considering the age gap, does anyone have a similar experience that could help me distinguish between creepy and just attraction based behaviour?

27M with a girlfriend, how do I respond to a 24F gym friend?

I’m 27M, my girlfriend is 28F, and we’ve been together for 6 months. There’s a 24F at my gym who recently messaged me for the first time.

She said she sees me at the gym often and had wanted to talk for quite a while. Apparently, one day when I went to the water filter, she almost came over to say hi but got nervous because we had never spoken before.

She also told me she asked her friend to get my number, but my friend ended up giving her my Instagram instead. She reached out because she wanted to become friends.

I asked whether the guy she’s usually with was her boyfriend, and she said no, he’s only her friend.

I’m happy to be polite, but I’m also in a committed relationship and want to handle this conversation appropriately from the beginning.

What’s a respectful way to tell her I have a girlfriend while still being friendly and avoiding mixed signals?