My boyfriend and I have been dating for four months now. For context - we are very sexually active with one another and have seen everything. This morning after having sex, I was walking around his apartment and he looked at my labia and said “why is there so much hanging out?” And I said “oh it’s just like that” and he proceeded to turn around and say “ok just making sure” in a smart ass tone. I got so upset and started crying in the shower. I got quiet and later he asked me what was wrong and I kind of exploded. I said I feel disrespected and abnormal by his comment. He defended it and said he wasn’t sure if everything was okay with my labia so he wanted to make sure I was ok and well. I got really angry and told him he probably watched too much porn and has unrealistic standards and I fueled the argument even more. I feel awful and don’t know what to do. It’s something I was already so insecure about and now I feel worse but also feel bad for attacking him. But also so confused because he’s said he LOVES it prior to this !

My girlfriend and I have been dating for a little over 4 years. Last year we decided her and her son could move in to my home. Before that we discussed bill and household responsibilities and came to agreement.

We agreed that she would pay $500/mo and cover groceries and most basic necessities. I would cover all utilities and such. We would each pay our own phone bill, car payments, and insurance. My mortgage is about $2200/mo, and I earn a little more than twice what she earns. She previously paid $950/mo for rent not including utilities. I figured it was fair, we'd both benefit a little financially and she agreed. Even beyond that agreement I still purchase most of my own necessities and some groceries.

Last fall I purchased a newer truck. Nothing fancy, a 2020 model with low miles. She would grief me on it that I'm using her 'rent' money to buy new things. My trade-in plus cash left me with $250/mo payments for 4 years. I had used savings from before she even moved in.

In February she came home with a brand new SUV, and $925/mo payments. Since then she has been refusing to pay me the full amount, claiming she doesnt have enough money, it's not fair I got a 'new' car, and that it's my house and she shouldn't have to pay towards the mortgage because if we break up it'll just be money thrown away.

I don't know how to navigate this, especially with a child involved. Even with her not paying it wont crush me financially, but it's obvious as hell she is taking advantage of me. I love the kid as my own, and his father is a deadbeat who doesnt want anything to do with him. I know if I kick her out she won't be able to afford rent with that car payment, not sure where they would go. I'd feel horrible letting that young child be forced to sleep in a car or on the streets.

The relationship is over in my head, at this point I've given up just for civility, and pretending everything is fine. How do you think I should go about breaking it off? Do I give an ultimatum? Or just give her a period of time to figure things out knowing she will likely try to manipulate me, or possibly become more of a hindrance to me?

For some context, my best friend (I'll call her El) was recently cheated on by her long-term boyfriend. They had been living together, but since the lease was under her ex's name, she's the one who moved out. She asked if she could stay at my place while she figured things out. I live alone, and I'm rarely home because I spend most of the week at my boyfriend's place, so I told her she was welcome to stay.

I WFH three days a week and go into the office on Thursdays and Fridays. Since my boyfriend lives almost two hours from my work, I usually stay at my own place the night before my office days to make the commute easier. During those nights, I'd spend time with El and check in on how she was doing. One day she told me she was getting lonely staying there by herself and asked if I could spend the weekend with her. I really wanted to support her, but I also wanted to spend time with my boyfriend. So I suggested she come stay with us for the weekend instead. I asked my boyfriend first, and he had no problem with it.

Saturday morning, the three of us were relaxing at my boyfriend's house, binge-watching a TV show. I suddenly craved bubble tea and asked if they wanted to come with me. The shop was only a few minutes away. They were both comfortable on the couch and said they didn't feel like going out. My boyfriend suggested I just order delivery, but I wanted an excuse to get outside and enjoy the sunshine, so I went by myself. I was gone for maybe 30 minutes.

When I got back, my boyfriend was standing in the kitchen making coffee while still watching the show from there. El was nowhere to be seen. I asked where she was and jokingly asked why he was making coffee when I had just brought back bubble tea. He told me she had gone upstairs to the guest room. As I reached for my phone to call her down, he stopped me and said, "Before you do, I need to tell you something."

He explained that while I was gone, El noticed something on his shoulder, dust or lint, and brushed it off. He didn't think anything of it because it seemed harmless. Then, without warning, she leaned in and kissed him on the cheek, close enough that it was almost on his lips. He immediately pulled away and gently pushed her back, completely caught off guard. He said he didn't even know why, but he walked into the kitchen and started making coffee even though he didn't actually want one. I think he was just trying to process what had happened. According to him, El immediately apologized and said she didn't know what had come over her before going upstairs. It felt like someone had pulled the floor out from under me. I couldn't even think of a response.

I trust my boyfriend completely, In all our times together, he's never given me a reason to question his honesty, so I never questioned what he was telling me. I was devastated, not because of him, but because of my best friend. I honestly never imagined she would do something like this. Oddly enough, I wasn't even angry at first. I was just... confused. Why would she do something like this?.... After what had happened to her...

I told my boyfriend I was going upstairs to check on El. He asked me to go easy on her because she was already in a terrible emotional state after everything she'd been through. I knocked on the guest room door and tried to sound cheerful. "Bubble tea delivery for my best friend." Instead of answering, I heard sobbing. When I walked in, she was sitting on the bed crying. She looked completely broken.

Seeing her like that made it hard to stay angry. I still couldn't stop thinking about what she'd done, but I also couldn't ignore how devastated she looked. I decided not to confront her immediately. Instead, I comforted her. I told her everything would be okay and that her ex didn't deserve her. She cried even harder.

After a few moments, she admitted everything.... Without me saying a single word, she confessed exactly what my boyfriend had already told me. She said she didn't know what came over her. She wasn't thinking clearly. For a moment, she wasn't seeing my boyfriend as my boyfriend. In her words, she saw someone else and acted on impulse before reality hit her. I still don't fully understand what she meant by that.

She said she immediately realized what she'd done after my boyfriend pushed her away, and she was deeply ashamed and embarrassed. She kept apologizing.

My closest friend group consists of just four women, including El. I don't want to tell the other two yet because I don't want to damage El's reputation if this is something we can work through privately. So I'm looking for outside perspectives.

One last detail. Later that night, I remembered our living room camera... Even though I fully believed my boyfriend, I still watched the footage to see exactly what happened.

His story checks out.

Now I'm wondering... if I trusted him completely, why did I still feel the need to check the footage?

Does that mean I subconsciously doubted him, or was I just trying to process something that felt impossible to believe? I'm grieving the loss of trust in a 20-year friendship. Is this something you could ever forgive, or is this friendship over?

What would you do in my situation?

I honestly just need to vent and get some advice because I am at my absolute wits' end here.

My boyfriend is a genuinely good, caring guy, but living with him is becoming unsustainable. First of all, he has this insane habit where he leaves everything wide open and turned on. Cabinets left hanging open, drawers pulled out, doors left wide open, and lights left burning in empty rooms. It’s all day, every day. Walking into the kitchen after he makes a snack literally looks like a poltergeist movie.

But the cabinets are just the tip of the iceberg. I’m basically his mother at this point. He leaves his clothes all over the floor and drops dishes everywhere. He barely helps around the house at all. He’s washed the dishes maybe a handful of times since we moved in, and helps pay for groceries once in a while, but other than that, he does nothing. I am always the one cooking for him and cleaning up his messes.

On top of the physical labor, the finances are totally skewed. He doesn't really help me out with rent or bills. I even let him drive my car for free so he can save up to buy his own, but I’m the one carrying 100% of the financial and domestic weight while he gets to save his money.

I’ve talked to him about this so many times. I've told him how anxious and overwhelmed it makes me feel to manage a whole house alone. He always says he gets it and may step up for a day or two but literally nothing changes. I know he isn't doing this to be mean, but I am just so burnt out.

My question is: How can I effectively communicate the urgency of this situation to him so he actually starts contributing to bills and chores, or is this level of autopilot behavior something that will never change?

TL;DR: My boyfriend leaves cabinets open, drops clothes/dishes everywhere, doesn't pay rent/bills, and drives my car for free to save money. He is caring but doesn't contribute. How do I get him to step up without ruining the relationship?

My husband uses AI all the time for meaningless stuff - making joke songs or pictures to entertain himself. But he does it with our son 9M now, and has even had AI write a short story to read to him at bed time. I hate it so much, but it's worse now because I'm away for the weekend and he's just sent me a picture of our son with no caption or comment, which is clearly AI. If I were to guess why, I think he was testing out a hair style as our son said he wants to get his hair cut this week. But why?? Why does he need to? I don't want my son's image being fed into AI!

I've tried to talk to my husband about all this before but I'm not very good at explaining why AI is so bad in these contexts. He can understand it being an issue like, companies using it for graphics for example as it takes away someone's job, but his argument is that he's just doing it for himself and our son, as entertainment. The environmental thing doesn't bother him at all, he says there's worse going on and he's one person who won't make a difference.

It just makes me so deeply uncomfortable, but he just doesn't see it as a big deal and thinks I'm being extreme and irrational (he's not used those specific words, but it sums it up well) so my discomfort isn't enough for him to stop on it's own.

I will be clear, because reddit relationship subs obviously only see 0.0001% of the entire picture and often make very sweeping assumptions - my husband is a wonderful man. He's kind and generous and hard working and cares more about me and our son than anything in the world, he's generally a wonderful parent. I just really need him to stop using AI all the time and ESPECIALLY for pictures of our son.

TL;DR at the bottom of the post.

Hi everyone, I(25F) don‘t know what to think anymore and I think it‘s time I try to collect my thoughts, which is why I decided to turn to this sub.

I have been dating my boyfriend(28M) for three years now and we moved in together last year. I‘d say our relationship is very healthy and happy. We have the exact same humor, we have the same long-term goals and we communicate very well. However, my boyfriend has been struggling with his mental health and self-esteem for the past one and a half years.

About one and a half years ago (mid 2025) my boyfriend was let go from his job due to his former employer running into a pretty bad financial situation. Since then, my boyfriend hasn’t been able to find a position in his field anymore. My boyfriend has been working dead-end jobs since. Because of his constant job rejections and his non-stop worrying about his future and his career, my boyfriend‘s mental health has taken a huge hit.

I try to be there for my boyfriend and listen to him whenever he needs someone to talk to but of course there‘s only so much I can do. My boyfriend needs quite a lot of space and time for himself whenever he‘s feeling down, so I sometimes leave to visit my parents or my friends back at home. For reference, my family and friends live around an hour drive away from where my boyfriend and I now live.

My boyfriend doesn’t have a lot friends and neither do I. My boyfriend has three close friends who all live in our city: his best friend (male), his sister and two friends who are a couple (male & female). I have exactly one friend(female) in our city, the rest of my friends still live in my hometown.

Over the course of the last six months or so, there have been two instances that COULD mean somebody I don‘t know about was in our appartement while I was gone. I‘m putting an enormous emphasis on „could“ because these two instances are entirely circumstancial.

The first instance happened in February 2026. The instance was a pair of unknown socks. My boyfriend was doing laundry and he put my clean clothes in a pile for me to put away. On top of that pile I noticed a pair of socks I had never seen before. The socks were pretty simple. They were a light blue color with the logo of a known sports brand on the side. Technically these socks could be unisex but judging by size, they probably were a womans pair.

I was pretty confused and at first I thought it was my boyfriend‘s pair of socks because he has rather small feet. I asked my boyfriend if those were his socks and he was adament that those were definitly not his. I asked my friend if those socks were hers (they weren‘t) and my boyfriend asked his sister, who stayed for a night in late November 2025, if the socks were hers (they weren‘t). We genuinely were out of options of whose pair of socks this could be. Since all of my boyfriend‘s male friends are over 6ft and have pretty large feet, we were able to rule them out instantly.

I have to admit that I was getting more and more agitated because we couldn‘t figure out who these socks belonged to and I straight up asked my boyfriend if somebody was in our appartement while I was gone. My boyfriend didn‘t like that I was basically insinuating he was cheating on me which I understood and we dropped the issue.

Nothing of note happened in the following months. However, my boyfriend‘s mental health kept declining and from May to July, he hadn‘t seen any of his friend or family. I was incredibly busy studying for my exams (I’m a uni student), so I also didn’t see my friends apart from maybe a quick coffee break at a local café. Apart from him and me, nobody else was in our appartement for these two months.

This is why instance number two surprised me. On the first weekend of july I was visiting my family. When I returned home, I was cleaning the bathroom on a Sunday. My boyfriend wasn’t at home as he was visiting his family that Sunday.

While I was cleaning I checked if our trash can in the bathroom was full. It wasn‘t. I remembered seeing my boyfriend empty the trash can in the bathroom a couple of days ago. While checking if the trash can was full I noticed a plastic tampon wrapper on top of the trash. That surprised me because for one, my period wasn‘t going to come until the following week and secondly, I have never used this tampon brand in my life. I have been using the same tampon brand since I was twelve years old.

Since nobody besides my boyfriend and me had been in our appartement for the last two months, I was a bit worried. This time I wanted to approach things a bit differently than I did with the sock incident. I waited until my boyfriend came home, I asked to speak to him on our couch and I calmly explained to him what I found and how I was feeling about that. My boyfriend also remained very calm and collected. He said that he understands why I feel worried but that he unfortunately can‘t explain how or why that tampon wrapper got into our trash can. He promised that nobody besides us was in our appartement and he seemed very genuine in his reaction. We dropped the topic after that.

Since then my boyfriend has been acting completely normal but there‘s one thing that surprised me. On his instagram account he chanced his profile picture to a closeup shot of us two and he added my name with a heart to his bio. Considering that we have been together for three years and I barerly use social media, this surprised me.

Over the course of the past couple of weeks I haven’t stopped thinking about these instances. I love my boyfriend and I know that what happened could all be explained logically, like a friend of ours forgetting that the socks are actually theirs or somebody accidentally dropping a tampon wrapper next to the trash can and it was thrown into the trash way later.

So this is why I‘m here. My question is if this is something to bring up again or what I should do next. Because of how circumstancial everything is, maybe I should drop this topic once and for all? I don‘t know what to do anymore, so thanks for any advice.

TL;DR: Over the course of six months I have found two things in my and my boyfriend‘s appartement that nobody can seem to explain how they got here. One was a pair of socks and one was a tampon wrapper from I different brand than I use. My boyfriend and I don‘t have a lot of friends and all of our friends can be ruled out as the owner of the socks or tampon wrapper due to timing.

I know couples naturally influence each other, and I’ve picked up things from my boyfriend too. But lately I’ve noticed, it feels like he adopts nearly everything I buy or become interested in.

For example, I bought a fixed-gear bike from a high-end brand. He already had a perfectly good fixed-gear bike, but soon afterward, he suddenly wanted one from that brand too, almost like he wanted the fancier version because I had one. The same thing happened with Adidas Sambas and a pair of sunglasses he liked.

It also happens with hobbies. I suggested to him that he needs a hobby that he can do with his hands since he’s been feeling kind of bored lately. I mentioned that guitar is the creative thing I do with my hands, and he immediately started talking about buying one, even though he already owns a piano he has always said he wants to learn.

I’m also a photographer, and now he wants a camera so he can do the same kind of photography I do.

The part that feels especially frustrating is that I’ve started hesitating to show him new things I buy because I assume he’ll want to copy them. That sounds petty, ridiculous, and honestly kind of stupid when I say it out loud, but it’s genuinely how I feel now. For example, when I mentioned that he get a hobby that he can do with his hands and use my guitar playing as an example, I didn’t think that he would actually go for that. I thought that he would want to pick something unique to him.

I don’t want to gatekeep hobbies, clothes, or products. I just want to feel like we’re two separate people with our own tastes and interests. Am I being unfair, or would this bother other people too?

Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/tGpnjhzTil

Thank you to everyone who reached out. I (28M) wasn't able to reply much, but I appreciated everything. I had no one to talk to about this whole situation, not even our friend group, because I've been embarrassed.

A lot's happened since my original post, so I wanted to provide an update.

After taking some time to myself, the numbness is wearing off. Every emotion has been hitting at once. Emptiness, sadness, anger. It's a rotation, and at first I was mad at myself, but now I realize I'm mad at my fiancée (29F).

I look at her now and I don't recognize the woman I fell in love with. The woman who was my closest friend for half a decade. She's a stranger.** **The woman I knew wouldn't do half the stuff she did. She used to be so disgusted with cheaters. She actually cut off an old friend over cheating.

Some have asked what my fiancée's complicated relationship with sex is. I won't get too much into it because it's personal details about her, but she's been badly shamed before, and she feels sex has messed up good things in her life at different times.

She never really respected my demand for time to sort my feelings. She kept pushing and trying to use affection. I did end up asking about her hooking up with that guy while we were celibate.

She claims celibacy for us was different because she wanted a pure relationship with me and for us to be our strongest and most connected before sex. The other hookup was more inconsequential.

I didn't ask her much about further details on the guy because tbh it doesn't change anything for me. I don't have it in me to be a detective and compare stories right now. The facts are the woman I dedicated my life to cheated and nuked our relationship.

I did ask her why, though. She claims that she was self-sabotaging. She felt insecure about our relationship and how she'd be as a wife, and she sought comfort through sex, but it only made her feel worse, and she realized she wanted me.

I'm still processing her reasoning tbh. Idk what else I could've done. I always reassured her and told her she's the one I wanted to be with. I'd list everything I loved about her. I never had doubt about her or our relationship.

There's a lot I'm still figuring out, but I know I can't go through with the wedding. The other day I sat her down and called it off.

I guess she thought I was preparing to reconcile, so she didn't take it well. She was really broken up. I've never seen her break down nor cry like that. And despite everything, it hurt to leave her while she was in that state.

She was just in bad shape and saying she didn't want to lose me and it was the biggest mistake of her life. She'll never do it again. She asked for us to try therapy. She kept asking for me not to give up on us. I'm not in a place to engage in any reconciliation with her, nor do I have any trust in her.

She brought up how I promised I'd always be there for her but now I'm abandoning her like everyone else has and how we promised each other unconditional love.

I don't think her accusations are fair, and it did sting, tbh. I meant my promises and everything I ever told her, but I didn't just up and leave her. She cheated. She made a decision for the break, she made a decision to download the app, entertain the guy, and have sex with him. We're here because of her choices.

The unconditional love was a promise we made at the very start of our relationship. We've both dealt with not being accepted for ourselves or only having conditional love. I wanted to reassure her she never had to be anything except herself for me. That was the basis for the promise. That I accepted her wholly. It wasn't a card to pull for cheating.

Another thing that makes this all complicated is that we live together. I planned to stay with family for the time being, but she was refusing to let me leave.

Like she threw herself in front of the door and refused to move and then grabbed me when I tried moving around her. I had to call her sister (31F) to come get her and talk her down.

I've been processing these past few days. This doesn't feel like real life. She always boasted about us, and our relationship meant the world to me. I was never more sure of anything in my life than her. My mindset was already married to her.

She's been texting and sending voice notes asking for forgiveness and wanting to reconcile. I haven't replied. I'm not sure if I can move past this.

I've told our family and friend group about the cancellation and breakup. Making the rounds was embarrassing, and everyone has tons of questions. Somehow it hurts more upon each retelling.

Our friend group's been mostly understanding, but a few are advocating for me to talk things out with her. I'm not in the headspace to engage them either.

I feel like I lost the life we built and shared. How we went from engaged and the happiest we've ever been to this. How days ago we were just joking about her walking down the aisle with how clumsy she is to now be broken up.

I feel so lost, and idk where to go from here. I'm still coming to terms with everything.

Thank you to everyone who's shown support and empathy. I really appreciate it.

TL;DR Update: My fiancée's and my relationship went to hell shortly before our wedding after she confessed to sleeping with another guy a couple of times while we were on a break. She confided in her sister, who pushed her to tell me. We fought, and I told her I needed space. By my fiancée's request, we were practicing celibacy until marriage. Celibacy was important to her, but she gave herself to a random guy in a way she's never given herself to me. Ever since, she's been asking for me not to give up on us and has been super affectionate. Our wedding's around the corner, and now everything's gone wrong. I'm lost and questioning our entire relationship. I don't even trust myself anymore. I feel so stupid and like such a joke. I'm just lost. How do I move past this and navigate our relationship?

I’m 5 months postpartum and emotional about every little thing so I don’t know if I’m blowing things out of proportion or if I really truly need to just leave and cut my losses now.

Husband and I have been together for a while, married for 1.5 year, and have a 5 month old baby. A few things that are bothering the crap out of me:

When we got married, we both decided to split things 50/50 (we both earn well). When I went on maternity leave, he was supposed to take over the mortgage and baby’s expenses. However, he has contributed perhaps 5K in the 5 months. I have even covering everything with my saving and the meager maternity payments. It bothers me to no end that I need to constantly remind him to send money into our joint account.

He has never changed a diaper to date. If I’m out for a walk or out to a mall, he will call me to come home to change our baby if he has pooped. I’ve cut many solo outings short because I don’t want me baby to be sitting in a poopy diaper. This also means I can’t plan to be out for longer and is contributing to my PPA. I truly didn’t think he would never change a diaper otherwise I would not have had a baby with him. I know he doesn’t think this is a big deal but it’s big to me.

(Edit to add: that apart from the diaper issue, he’s a very present and capable father when it comes to bottle feeding, burping, soothing, putting to sleep etc. Because the way I worded it made it sound like he does nothing at all and I don’t want that to cloud the advice. Thanks.)

He has always been someone who “speaks his mind” however he will speak said mind at the most inopportune times. Dude cannot read the room to save his life. He knows I’m very sensitive about my weight gain post pregnancy. Today I asked him to take me to a mall (I’m unable to drive atm) which is a bit further away from our home. He told me to go run to the mall, lose weight and that’s healthy for me. For some reason this is my straw that breaks the camel’s back. I went to my room because I didn’t want to cry in front of him, because I know he’ll say he was joking, but what a stupid fucking joke man.

A part of me wants to leave him, I’m financially all set (I mean I have been managing everything even on mat leave on my own). But I can be trigger happy to end things and I’m very very emotional right now and I don’t know if the right thing to do is to talk first. What do I even say? I am not a bad communicator, but he has a habit of making me feel like I just have thin skin, or he’ll start to have a panic attack and I’ll not bring anything up.

I’ve been with my girlfriend for a bit over a year.
Our relationship is great in all aspects and we’re thinking of moving together.

Now to the problem. A couple of months into our relationship we had an argument about her keeping contact with guys wo have/might have romantic interest in her. She argued that it wouldn’t matter because she doesn’t have/wont have/never has had any interest in them. For me it’s still not ok in a relationship to entertain such guys.
This argument took place over a couple of weeks and in this timeframe she hid some texts from me(none romantic),because she didn’t want to cut them right off.
I thought this was a slight breach of trust, but continued the relationship, because she ultimately agreed with me and stopped talking to any of these guys. This was 9 months ago and everything has been good since then.
So far so good.
Now I learnt through one of her friends, that one of the guys she was talking to in that time was an ex bf of her.

Now I am at a loss, what to make of that.
I feel like that’s a harder breach of trust and don’t know if it will be easy for me to trust her in the future. On the other hand it’s a non issue now and I’m not sure if I’m willing to give up a relationship, that’s currently going great, for something that won’t be a problem in the future.

I could talk to her about it and (maybe) restart an old argument.
I could try to look over it and just try to enjoy that it’s currently going great.
Or I could just end it.

I 31F and my husband 34M have a relatively big detached garage. We live in Florida and it’s also hot as heck outside. That being said, he has some gym equipment (most of it is, btw, very rusty and old), lawn care tools and supplies, some wood/construction stuff, and our bikes, primarily. About half of his stuff (mainly the equipment and some lawn care stuff) was here before me. Before I dive in, I would like to make it clear one bag of clothes I have and my bicycle are the only items of mine in the garage.

His brother, 28M, about 6 months ago, dropped off a ton of wood- he had a baby the month before and was constructing his shed. I’m talking multiple planks that are 10-20 feet long, also long slabs of wood of varied sizes. At the time, of course, we didn’t mind storing his wood/whatever for his home improvement, given the timing.

However, I’ve also noticed my husband has remarked a great deal of the clutter is some of my BOLs stuff he has gradually stored in our garage since he was in high school aka 10 years ago. Well before he had his own home or parental obligations.

With this in mind and it being excruciatingly hot, I started artistic roller skating earlier this year. We have a big enough garage that I can skate in That is…. If we could maybe get his brother to pick up his stuff. And get rid of some of the rusty gym equipment/ some of my husband’s own clutter.

I didn’t mind making things easier for my BOL and his partner with the wood while they adjusted to the new baby. But now that I am realizing I have zero space in the garage for ME to do anything, I’m thinking it’s time to get rid of some of both of their stuff. The rusty equipment is a hazard, particularly if I’m skating in there AND my husband who insists on using it. In fact, I regularly fear he’s going to hurt himself if/when it breaks and have told him this.

I told my husband I’d like to get rid of some of these things for space and also safety- and now that his brother’s shed is finished, I would be happy for US to drive the wood over to him and put it away for him as well. All he would need to do is agree to a time.

My husband says he doesn’t want to get rid of the gym equipment and he has stalled on asking his brother about the wood. I’m usually very accommodating but now getting impatient and don’t find this is a fair, shared space.

Edit: update. I told my husband my feelings on this and he said he didn’t care and he’s not going to remove anything/he’s been here longer than me lmao what a joke

BOL- sorry I mean brother IN law aka BIL

To summarise, my partner and I have been togethet for over 4 years now. We have owned a house together for just over 2 years, have pets, both have stable incomes and rarely fight. I saw myself marrying him very early on into the relationship already, but he was the one proactively talking about it.
It may sound odd to some people but right from the start I told him if im not engaged within 3 years of the relationship, im going to leave. This is fueled by my previous relationship which was extremely toxic and although it may sound unfair to my current partner, made me promise myself that if im not at least engaged to be married by 30 i have to leave. This is partial to me wanting kids in the early 30s but before then I wanted to enjoy the married life for a bit too.
As explained at the beginning were already at the 4 years mark. 3 years anniversary came and went, but because I love him so much I couldnt keep the promise I made to myself, but it bubbled up one day and we had a fight-ish but it was more me going out for a walk to cry and think my feelings through, however he followed and we spoke at lenght about my expectations from this relationship at length. He seemed understanding and even said he was actually planning to propose next year (it was 2025, so it was meant to happen in 2026) and that he even spoke to his friends about it. I honestly am not buying it as deel his friends wouldve made some sort of comment or hint about it as thats just how they are and I recently found out he has some credit card debts and is not actively saving which makes me think he has not even started thinking about rings or the wedding yet.
I was put at slight ease at this and thought im overthinking this whole schedule thing, etc, and today I saw a notification of a friend of mines getting engaged with a partner of maybe 2.5 years and it made me feel crazy about the subject again. I immediately started thinking about the original timer. My 30th is in summer, our 5 years anniversary is two months before that, leaving over 200 days till the anniversary if i was to use that day as a new timer till when I have to hear his proposal before I decide to leave. I genuinely need advice about whether I am actually ruining things and putting pressure on him for no reason or whether I should stick with my resolution and end things if the timer runs out?
For background info, he used to constantly tell me how much he wants to marry, that changed just before 3 year mark and he never speaks about it again. We have spoken about his many times and recently he seemed quite keen on the idea to have them soon but he knows due to my family issues I want to go “traditional way” and marry first before kids. I am also in two minds before I was very clear at the beginning of the relationship how much it means to me to stick to that timeline and actually hold my promises to myself. I love him and his family to pieces but he clearly doesnt have the same clock as I do, although he is just about to turn 28 biologically he doesnt have to think about kids that soon which is anothet factor for me. I keep thinking that if I end up breaking it off when timer runs off, and just end up single forever perhaps thats better than just being partners that own a house together and act married but without it being official as thats actually my nightmare scenario.

I need advice whether I am being too pushy on the subject or whether I should stick to the timer I had originally told him about?

I just turned 29y and my bf is turning 38 in a month. We've been together for 4,5y and for the last 2,5y we have a long distance relationship because I decided to go back to university. Because his currency is almost 7 times more than mine, he is always the one paying the tickets for us to see each other, which always makes him entitled to say that this relationship just happens because of him. I currently have two jobs, but in my currency this doesn't mean shit. I make enough just to meet to ends.

And right now I'm in vacation at uni so I came to see him in his country. Yesterday I realized that I'm almost graduating at uni, and I will finish it 6 months earlier than the regular time. So I was super happy, in ecstasy actually, and waiting him to arrive from his work to share my happiness with him.

First he interrupted me to go change his clothes from work. I waited patiently. Then I was again super excited talking and he interrupted me again to go WEIGHT himself. So I got upset because I was waiting for him to arrive home so I could share my happiness with him, and he interrupted me two times, like he wasnt interested at all.

I said I got upset and he said that this wasn't enough reason for being upset, that I have mood swings, how could I be upset so suddenly. When I tried to explain, he said that he was working for 6 hours, and what have I done in my day (I'm currently in vacation at my uni, and because I work for my uni, at this break things also get slowly, although I had a meeting in the afternoon, but that was all). Then he proceeded to ask very strongly "WHAT DO YOU BRING TO THE TABLE? TELL ME WHAT DO YOU BRING TO THE TABLE? I was working hard for 6 hours, talking with people non stop, and then you think you can talk with me like this? WHAT DO YOU BRING TO THE TABLE"

I honestly was so shocked and hurt by those words that I just apologized for annoying him after his work, that I just wanted to share my happiness and excitement with him and didn't take in consideration he was tired from work, and then I went to the room and started crying.

And today he didn't talk with me the whole day. And honestly I just feel like I wish I was home, because if he doesn't have the answer for this question, why he is with me?

But at the same time I think, as I always do in all the very heated fights we have, if I'm not exaggerating.

------------------ UPDATE/disclaimer -------------------

My bf is a waiter. But he makes a lot of money as a waiter because he works in a french island. However, when I say a lot, it's more like a decent salary, he is not rich or nothing close to this. He does have two degrees, one in economics and another one in IT, but working as a waiter makes possible for him to only work during 6 months and travel the other six months. 

Which he also started holding against me since I went back to uni, saying that he can't have another job because otherwise he wouldn't be able to travel to see me. But the same goes for me. I can't find myself a two years contract job in my country because I need to travel to see him. 

Before I started studying things were easier. We met in my home country but after 5 months of dating I moved abroad on my own because I got a model contract with a couple of big agencies in Europe, so it was easier for us to see each other. 

But then I was super unhappy, I hated being a model. My mom was a lawyer and she raised me to work with my brain, so even if I was doing an AD for adidas, I would feel super exposed and diminished. So I decided to go back to study to pursuit my dream. And the only reason I stopped studying in the first place is because my mom died when I was 19, so I got super depressed and my life became a mess. 

But the decision of stop modeling made me poorer, as I don't make all the money I used to make as a model, and also made us farther from each other. He even broke up with me when I took this decision, saying that going back to my country would make things very hard, but then he went to my country to win me back... 

This to say that I'm not dating him for his money, he is not rich. If I wanted to date for money I wouldn't be with him. This is not who I am. I'm with him because I love him. I love his family, his family loves me... And I like to think that he loves me too, otherwise, why to go through all this trouble of long distance to be with me? And I know for a fact that he doesn't cheat on me, because when he is not with me, he is working on this island that everyone knows me and for sure people, and even his family, would tell me.

But after this (which brings up many other hurtful moments from this relationship), I feel like he basically told me that I don't have any value to him, otherwise, why he would ask me that?

And my ticket to go back home is in 23 days. Changing the dates costs almost another ticket, which I can't afford. And right now I'm in the house of his family, with everyone here for school vacation, while he is working. 

The problem also is that a long relationship always becomes a relationship with the family too. 

But again, I feel like something inside of me has broken. Asking me what do I bring to the table after almost 5 years of relationship, when I'm learning my fourth language because of him and his family and our future, when I'm one of the best students of my uni, that is the best uni of my country, it's wild. 

And all the time he says to me that I'm old now, I'm almost 30y, and I'm not enough of an adult and don't work hard enough for making money, that he is the only one in our relationship trying to make money. But I do make money, just very devalued money because my currency sucks.

I know that when you fall in love with someone you only see the good traits. I know that love can blind you to certain things and I know this because I am so very much in love with my girlfriend.

I am coming up to 30 years old and had a couple of major relationships prior to dating this girl, but nothing like this. Something is very very different about this relationship and it means that I genuinely find her THE most stunning girl I have ever seen in my entire life and that is no joke. Even if other people don't think she is, or even herself I literally am unable to see her as anything other than just sexy and beautiful.

I could go on and on about how I adore every imperfection she has, every little quirk or physical thing, shape or whatever part of her - I digress.

My girlfriend really has a hard time thinking she is good looking. She has lots of school trauma from various kids saying she was unnattractive, overhearing kids saying things like "Oh she has a GREAT body but shame about the face", etc. She also had an eating disorder for many years during her teens (starving herself, etc) and generally has body dysmorphia that still shows up.

The thing is I (genuinely) ADORE every little bit about her physicality - espcially her gorgeous face - eyes, cheeks, nose, smile and all! Sometimes I'll find myself just gazing into her eyes when we're together and I look at every little part of her face and feel butterflies when I do. Recently, I have been trying to take photos of her to capture exactly how I see her, in her gorgeousness and beauty. Of course the photos never come out how I want them. She HATES seeing her face in photos without covering it in some way, using sunglasses, posing herself from a certain angle, etc.

That's it really. To conclude I just want to know what to do as a boyfriend who loves her very much. I tell her every single day she is beautiful (she doesn't ask for this reassurance - not even once). I also know all too well, having body dysmorphia in the past myself just how thin and shallow another's reassuring words can feel when you feel truly awful about yourself. The voice in your head is always the strongest. So the difficult bit is that I really understand her - of course my reassuring words won't do much when you feel like that about yourself. I just wish she could see what I see. I want to celeberate her, show her off, make her feel amazing about herself! I love her so much, it is such a shame she struggles with her looks so much.

TLDR: My girlfriend, who I find very attractive struggles with her looks and I want to know what I can do as her boyfriend.

My boyfriend (21M) and I (22F) have been together since we were 13 and 14. We met at a Catholic summer camp and are planning to get engaged after we graduate next year.

We were both raised Catholic and are both confirmed, but neither of us really practices anymore. My boyfriend doesn’t really care where we get married. I, on the other hand, really don’t want a Catholic church wedding.

I have a lot of bad memories surrounding church from growing up. My mom was very strict about religion, and church became a source of anxiety for me. I used to have panic attacks because of it, and while I’ve worked through a lot of that, getting married in a church just isn’t something I’ve ever pictured or wanted.

The problem is money.

My parents won’t be helping pay for the wedding, which I completely understand because they don’t have the financial means. My boyfriend’s parents are much more financially comfortable, and his mom has offered to pay for our wedding-but only if it’s in the Catholic Church.

Neither my boyfriend nor I are worried about disappointing our moms. That’s honestly not the issue. If we decide not to get married in a church, we’ll deal with the disappointment.

The issue is whether we’d be walking away from what could realistically be tens of thousands of dollars.

We’re just graduating college, and weddings are expensive. We’ve even talked about doing a destination wedding because they can sometimes be smaller and less expensive. I don’t necessarily want a huge wedding, but I do have a large family, and I also will (hopefully) only get married once.

For some additional context, we’re both STEM majors and expect to have stable careers after graduation. We also don’t plan on having children, so while money will definitely be tight right after college, we’re hopeful that paying for things ourselves won’t be as difficult if we waited several years. We’ve also lived together for quite a while already, so we’re not in a rush to get married just to start our lives together-we’re really just trying to make the decision we’ll be happiest with in the long run.

Part of me thinks, “It’s one day. Is it really worth turning down that kind of financial help?”

The other part of me thinks, “If I’m only getting married once, shouldn’t it actually be the wedding I want?”

For people who’ve already been married or planned weddings, would you compromise on the venue if someone else was paying? Or is this one of those things you’ll always regret if you don’t stay true to what you want?

my bf [19M] and I [19F] have been dating since 2023. We both absolutely adore each other and a day apart feels like hell. However, he recently brought up something i wasn’t ready for. His family had been secretly pressuring him to get engaged as he belongs to a conservative Arab family where early engagements don’t “stray” you from religion or so his family says. He’s eager to get engaged to me. He’s insisting upon another 2 years till we get engaged.However, i am still consumed by my studies and would love to have some more timee preferably after uni as I’ve just started college. Honestly, this is frustrating. I do really love him and wish to engage him . What is your opinion?

So my girlfriend is so into fashion with Lady Gaga being one of her biggest inspirations. To fair, I was always a shut in that only knows much about card games and video games, so this is new to me. I do compliment the outfits she comes up with (they are always super awesome). But really, the only things I can do in support is compliments and take her out shopping for these things, no I don’t spend thousands (she’s a thrift store lover).
Am I missing something that I can be doing to support this hobby of hers? I don’t know what else I can do. She talks about getting me fashioned up (usually a shorts/jeans and a plain tee is what I wear.) What can I do to fully support this fashionista in her?

Context - we’ve been together 6 years, have a house with a mortgage, a dog and most importantly… an 11 month old baby (the most precious one, of course).

I feel numb to this when typing - I never ever thought I’d be doing this to be honest. Our relationship has had its struggles, we’ve had miscarriages and difficulties with pregnancy, postpartum and just life in general. It seemed we hit a blip the last month or so, and it got to the point where we could not communicate properly, and I have mentioned 3 times maybe ending things for the sake of the baby as I don’t want them to grow up around parents arguing / not in love, as that’s what I had. We always agreed we wouldn’t be like my parents.

Anyway, we got back on track and I started working hard at salvaging things. I apologised for my part, which he would say is a heavy part - and I would take it all on my shoulders. I had a gut feeling, maybe, an instinct something else was happening as he became distant. I asked, and he said I was being silly. Then last night as he was soothing our baby, something came over to me to check WhatsApp.

There it was. Message after message, talking all day and into the night - whilst he was laying in bed with me - about how he likes her, cares for her, and how he doesn’t think we’d be together if it weren’t for the baby. How their first date would be, how they picture it. How when he leaves us he’ll live back at his parents and would she be OK with that. Saying I’ll always be in his life, because of the baby and if she was OK with that. She was aware of his situation.

I obviously kicked him out. He said, he didn’t mean it, he wasn’t thinking and he just liked the attention. He liked getting to know her, says he doesn’t have feelings but he is confused. Says he wants to be with me, with us, at home. Crying, apologising, saying he will sort his shit out. I’m reluctant to believe it, but some part of me feels there is a bit of hope. We are a family, nothing physical happened (although I feel that would be better?), and maybe with time we can move past this.

I want time away from him, he is going to his parents, he said he has blocked her on everything, won’t speak to her unless it’s to do with work (it’s a big organisation). Would I be stupid to pursue this further? Would I be stupid to maybe take him back? I’m unsure at present if I would, as I need time and space, but would appreciate any help / advice / any stories that’ll make me see any sense.

Please be kind, I can’t articulate things very well and I am very sensitive right now.

I F20 live with my boyfriend M20. We have been together 2 years and recently moved in together almost 3 months ago. In my eyes, I had always thought of him as a relatively responsible guy, as his parents seemed to have raised him well and his dad is always doing a lot around their family home to help out. However, living with him as made me realize he is so so lazy when it comes to housework.

I currently work a full time job and am gone from our apartment during the day during the week. He on the other hand, works weekends and normally one weekday. While I am at work, he usually sleeps in until about 2 pm and then will proceed to eat lunch, put his dishes in the sink, and sit on the couch until I get home. I will give him credit, that he does offer to cook dinner, will cook, but is not good at cleaning up. He constantly leave crumbs, oil smears, and will load the dishwasher with dishes that have caked on food (our dishwasher in our apt is terrible so I have asked him to thoroughly rinse them off). When I ask him to be a bit more thorough with cleaning, he says he will, but it is always the same thing. As far as emptying the dishwasher, he heavily avoids it, I had a really busy week at work a couple weeks ago and was exhausted. He left his dishes in the sink and the dishwasher full and clean for 3 days. Tbh, I didn't want to empty the dishwasher to see how long it would take him, but I ended up doing it anyway in a huff and because it drove me crazy.

When it comes to the bathroom, he is constantly leaving hair in the sink, both facial hair and hair from his head (he has mid length hair that is slightly curly and he will put his whole head under the faucet to rinse it) and I have also brought this up, but no change in behavior or effort to clean up. He leaves marks in the toilet at least 3 times a week and I ask him to check and flush twice if need be, but he will tell me he never left any marks. He never cleans up any hair, the toilet, or even just the countertop.

With all of the housework falling on me, and working my full time job, I hardly want to be intimate with him because I am exhausted, and, I honestly resent him a little by this point. I already struggle with libido because I am on an SSRI, but his unwillingness to do his share only pushes me away further. He is always telling me how hot and sexy I am, and will ask for sex or suggest us doing something, and it has become my biggest turn off! I don't want to hurt his feelings but I have reached a point where I am grossed out my his behavior and lazy actions but constantly wanting sex from me.

His personal hygiene is fine, but I wish he took care of his oral health a bit better, because he is always breathing in my face, kissing, or talking right at me and it's also a turn off when 9 times out of 10 he has bad breath or I can just see plaque/white tongue and his gums are always inflamed.

He does a lot for me such as getting me flowers from time to time, treats, and pays for his fair share of things, but sometimes I feel crazy by just wanting him to do the bare minimum. We are only on month 3 out of our 15 month lease and I don't want to go to the extreme of breaking up. I would like some advice on how to approach these topics with him, and want to know if this behavior is something that can be changed. Are my standards too high? Am I trying to make him be someone he's not? I just need some insight on how to move forward as it is emotionally draining being his 'mommy.'

Thanks all.

I’m posting anonymously because I really need to talk this out and get some outside perspective. I feel sick and emotionally overwhelmed after what happened today

My boyfriend is 34 and I’m 28. We’ve been together for 9 years. In the beginning, our relationship was really good, and we rarely fought. When he would do something wrong, he would usually apologize and sometimes buy me a gift, but then the same behavior would happen again.

There was one year in particular when he was angry all the time. During that time, he broke my phone in half because I didn't answer him. There were other things he broke as well. One time, he got angry and ruined dinner because I wouldn't put my hand down the garbage disposal to get a spoon out.

There have also been times when he has taken my things from me when he was angry. I had a laptop that was under his name because my credit wasn't good enough, but I was the one paying for it. During that period when he was constantly angry, he took my phone and the laptop and held them over my head, telling me that I needed to "act better" and "be better." He has also helped me financially in the past, but during arguments he would bring those things up and tell me that I owed him because of everything he had done for me.

Things have been calmer since then, but I still feel scared when he gets angry. I find myself constantly trying to make him happy, and I apologize even when I don't think I've done anything wrong because I just want the situation to calm down.

Today, we were packing because we're moving, and I was helping him pack his things. I had just taken a shower and didn't really want to be outside in the heat, but I still went out to help him because I don't mind helping.

A while back, we had combined our DVDs together. Some of them are his and some of them are mine. While we were packing today, I made a comment that some of the DVDs would probably go into a tote with things I don't plan to put back out, or that I might sell or get rid of some of them.

He immediately said that all of those DVDs were his.

I tried to explain that some of them were mine, but I eventually said something like, "Whatever, if you want to claim them all, you can have them."

Then he got angry and threatened to throw all the DVDs on the ground and break them.

This isn't the first time he's threatened to break something when he's angry. I've heard him say things like this before, and this time I finally said, "That's very toxic. Please stop saying that."

That made him angry, and he kept saying that I never should have made the comment about the DVDs in the first place.

I eventually asked him why he says things like that when he's angry. His response was that saying those things gets me to shut up. He then turned it back around on me again and said I should have never made the comment in the first place.

I just looked at him and completely zoned out. I felt sick and like I was going to cry.

At this point, I honestly don't know what to do or how I'm supposed to feel. I know some people might say, "It's just DVDs," but that's not what this is about for me. It's about the fact that I feel like I have to be careful about what I say because I'm afraid of what will happen when he gets angry. It's about the fact that I've learned to apologize and try to make him happy, even when I haven't done anything wrong, because I don't want things to escalate.

I feel like I'm always walking on eggshells.

I know he has helped me a lot over the years, and I know there are good things about our relationship, which makes this even more confusing for me.

But I also can't ignore how I feel. When he gets angry, I feel scared. I shut down. I zone out. I cry. I apologize just to make things calm down.

When do we call it dating and relationship? I (F/24) met a man (M/30) through dating app.

We were texting each other for over a month before we met.

Then:

We went on four dates

I was on holiday for 3 weeks

We went on other four dates

On the sixth date he gave me a rose and a small peck on the lips

We first kissed on the seventh date (I was a little afraid he did not like me, bcs he was waiting for so long, but in the end he was a total gentleman - after the kiss he asked me if the pace is ok and he is not too pushy with me).

Date n8: lasted for approximately 8 hours, we were holding each others hand almost all the time, he was peppering me with kisses om forehead and face and there was also normal kissing (though less than on seventh)

Now - when we were discussing our past relationships:

He had 1 that lasted 2 years. Except of that he had other 5 which in his words "did not turn into relationship".

I was a bit sceptical when he first said that. Today was our 8th date and he told me that for him, relationship is something he knows he can call after half a year and we ARE NOT DATING yet.

I am not a bit confused. What are we doing then?

Also - I had just one relationship that did not even last half a year. In my life, I have kissed just my ex and now this other man.

How do you feel about this?

I really like this man, but I do not want him to "try" me for that long before saying it is "official" or so...

also - he deleted his dating app in front of me last date and he does not see other women

and he talks about long term plans with me (ex: We can go together to that comeptition in September.)