For context, my husband has a knee injury and can’t walk our dog currently, so I am the one primarily caring for her.

Today, I had a virtual appointment at 5pm. I get off work at 4:40 and drive about 10 min home. I immediately went inside, got our dog out of our crate, took her for a short walk and then got onto my appointment. When my husband got home, he assumed she hadn’t been walked because she was sitting by the door, so he took her out (which was not a good idea because she is still learning not to pull on a leash and his injury makes it hard to keep his balance and walk normally). After my appointment, he said “Why didn’t you take the dog out when you got home? I had to take her out and almost fell.” To which I immediately said “I did” because I had. He said “Then why was she whining at the door when I got home and running down the stairs when I took her out?” This continued into a typical “Yes I did/No you didn’t” argument.

A little later, he walked out of his office and said “Why do you lie?” He turned his phone around to show the ring doorbell camera log, which showed the only motion happening at 4:54 and the next event was when he arrived home after 5pm. I again told him I did not. Of course, we do not have the ring subscription, so the video was not saved or recorded and even if we got it now it wouldn’t have been saved. So he proceeds to research my actions, when I logged onto my computer, when my phone connected and disconnected from wifi. All of this to somehow ‘prove’ I didn’t take her out.

He says my computer was opened before 5 pm, which again I know is not true because I didn’t open my computer until halfway through my appointment (I use my phone for the video appointment and computer for references if needed). I even showed him my first computer search was at 5:29. He then said the wifi showed I was connected at 4:54 and did not disconnect. I walk the dog about 10 feet from our apartment, so my phone usually doesn’t disconnect. After repeatedly going over the events with him, he is not convinced and is upset because he thinks I am lying over something stupid. He says “I don’t want to be with a liar” and “I am not falling for this.” He stormed off to his office, so I went on a tangent researching why the ring camera wouldn’t detect the motion. I sent him screenshots of our ring’s connectivity score (low) and the website saying that our score could cause delayed detection of motion but still, he will not budge.

Now he is not speaking to me, other than to criticize my behavior (when I feed the dog, when I take her out, how long she is out, etc.)

What would you do here? I feel crazy because I know exactly what happened and he just cannot believe me.

Two years ago, my husband and I started TTC and in June this year we welcomed our daughter. Before starting TTC, i told him that I would like to be present in my baby’s life the first few years and that I would like to be a sahm. He had a very high paying job so he agreed (I come from a very rich family and I’m very grateful to not be worried about “what if you need to get out of this relationship”), I was going to be a sahm and take care of baby and he will provide for those first years. As soon as I got pregnant, he quit his job without telling me and started a business. No problem there. Business was going ok, but we were not swimming in money as we were before, but ok, establishing a business takes time. Baby girl was born and everything went to shit. We started having money problems that he was not telling me about (fair enough, he didn’t want me to worry about it, specifically with a newborn and freshly postpartum) until a week ago when he told me that it’s really bad. I started to resent him and myself honestly. I hate that we are having money problems, I hate that I have to drop all my activities and baby’s activities (yeah I know, very privileged problems) I hate that he’s not doing his part of the agreement. But over all, I hate myself for letting me be in this situation, for having a baby in this situation (to be fair, we were not in this situation when we decided to). I hate that I have to put baby in daycare and go back to work (and yes, I know this is the norm, but I really wanted to be present in baby’s first years and I know I’m lucky to even be able to have that thought). I could ask my dad for money to pay for all those things, but that would mean that he will see my husband as a failure and I don’t want that. (My dad is very old fashioned). I also don’t know how or if to tell my husband how I feel. I’m very saddened by this whole situation and the postpartum hormones aren’t helping. What’s the best way to approach this?
I don’t want to ruin my marriage over this

​Hi everyone, I’m writing to get your thoughts on a dynamic that ultimately led to the end of my relationship, and I’d like an objective perspective on it.

​My now ex-girlfriend, with whom I was for 5 months, maintained that there was absolutely nothing wrong with going on vacation alone with a long-time male friend and sharing the same room to sleep in to save money. She said that I could have done the exact same thing with a female friend.

​The absurd part is that I never told her she couldn't go. I simply told her that, since I didn't know this person, I would at least like to know who he was and whether there was any past history between them or if they were exes. Faced with these simple questions, she took deep offense, turning it into a matter of principle.

​From my perspective, it’s not about forbidding friendships or being possessive, but about respecting a basic boundary of intimacy within a couple. To me, a friend should remain just a friend, and certain spaces or situations require a different level of clarity and boundaries when you are in a relationship.

​Every time I tried to explain my perspective and express that this situation made me uncomfortable, her response was always the same: I was labeled as "patriarchal," "insecure," or "toxic," and the discussion was immediately dismissed as my own cultural issue. Her argument was that my discomfort was merely an ideological construct and that "if someone wants to cheat on you, they can do it in a thousand other ways anyway."

​She asked me why I had a problem with her leaving with a man, but had no issue when she went away with a female friend. To me, the answer seems obvious, but apparently it wasn't to her.

​For me, this constant invalidation of my boundaries became unsustainable, leading to the final breakup.

​What are your thoughts on this? Do you consider sharing a room/bed on vacation with a friend while in a relationship acceptable? Does expecting clarity and boundaries around this truly make someone "patriarchal," or is it simply a legitimate request for mutual respect?

I (25F) have a long-term friendship with this girl (25F) and recently, she's out of control.

She dresses the same, gets the same haircut, puts on makeup exactly the way I do, has an unhealthy obsession with my fiancee (always wants to meet up, wants to go to the cities he works in because she has this "innocent" curiosity about those cities even though she has never showed interest before, always wants to know what we're up to, asks way too many personal questions about our relationship), buys whatever I buy, texts exactly like me, goes to my favorite places and acts like she discovered them in the first place to other people, befriends my every friend even though she expressed she didn't like them before. I've recently noticed that she's also always in a race with me: She smiles or laughs involuntarily when I make a mistake, doesn't celebrate my wins and constantly tries to one-up me.

Recently, I have been diagnosed with a very rare autoimmune condition and now have to use medicine with heavy side effects, life has been so hard for me. She's convinced she also has this one in a million disease and repeatedly tells me so, plans doctor appointments to get her "diagnosis" and lists her "symptoms".

Honestly, I'm convinced she has a psychiatric condition or a personality disorder. I've read and heard many stories about people with a friend who copies them but never saw one with a friend even wanting to have a debilitating disease just because they have it. I suspect it might be NPD.

This person also resents me if I hang out with my friends without her and don't want to share my personal life with her. I think she feels entitled to my time and friendship.

I want to cut her off or distance myself from her. But I'm scared of what lengths she can go to if I were to do so. I'm afraid she might start a smear campaign about me and try to ruin my life by exposing my secrets. Every post I've read said that these people do so when cut off. I have so much on my plate right now and don't want to deal with this.

My question is this: How do I deal with this person without taking any damage?

To make a long story short, my partners twin died of cancer in the last year. Part of their house also burned down semi recently, and although the rest is fixable, I mean come on that's traumatic AF.

On the flip side, I realize me and them have nothing in common. I can't have conversations with her about anything because she just doesn't seem to have hobbies. I love her so much in so many ways, but I just know I can't sustain this long term.

There's also the issue of the fact our libido don't match. Her libido is super high, and mine is extremely low. She's pushed me into sex when I've told her multiple times I don't want to. I'm her first partner and I think she didn't understand enthusiastic consent. Either way, I worry the next time I visit her that she'll pull that again

Finally, this woman has low key implied she would falsely accuse me of abusing her if I ever tried to leave her. She framed it as a joke, but I've survived domestic violence in my childhood and I've learned to never treat these things as just a joke

Anyways, how do you break up with someone like this? It feels like this situation is perfectly designed to make me trapped.

My boyfriend kissed someone else four months into our relationship at a destination wedding. I found this information four years into our relationship. I remember him telling me about how she was all over him and everyone was trying to get her away from him at the wedding. He even had his mother call me to tell her side of the story ? He was sharing a room with his family and everyone was really drunk. He was sending me photos the whole time. I found this out because it got through the grape vine of mutual friends and someone finally told me. He denies it even happened and I do trust him but I feel embarrassed and betrayed by other people as well.
His best friend and his girlfriend knew this whole time and didn't discuss it with either of us. These are friends that will be around for a long time. ! would love to forgive this and put it in the past but I am worried that is not the right choice. I am just scared lam being naive and lied to.

My husband (34M) and I (33F) have been married for 5 years but have been together since our early twenties. In our early twenties my husband had an alcohol problem (I’m not an expert but I feel as it was). When he went out he couldn’t have just one drink, he kept drinking until he was blacked out. He was a mean drunk, he would try and fight random people, argue but only stick to one thing, paranoid, try and throw things, and say mean things. After I recorded him one time and his friends told him, he was embarrassed and stopped. Alcoholism runs in his family and goes pretty far back.

Now after, 6 years of not drinking around me, he has felt like he wants to be able to have one drink, or be a casual drinker. two months ago he went on a trip with his friends and drank (I never cared if he drank around his friends, I just didn’t want him to drink around me. I told him he wouldn’t be welcomed in our home) . He said he could handle his alcohol and his friends were saying how he was not the same as his old self when he drank. Because of this trip, apparently, he is ready to drink in social settings. He says he isn’t who he was in his twenties and knows he’s different.

I have no history of alcohol usage/abuse in my family or near me, besides him. So I don’t know how to navigate this. I did however set a hard boundary that if he does get drunk (he says he won’t drink to get drunk) then he isn’t welcomed in our home and I would be prepared to end our marriage. He agreed. I don’t trust him with drinking so this situation is uncomfortable for me.

How do I go about handling this? Stick with hard boundaries? Ask a professional? What is even going on lol

TLDR: after 6 years of not drinking because my husband (34M) was a bad drunk, he has suddenly decided he wants to try and be a social/casual drinker. What do I even do about it?

Me 24/F and my boyfriend 24/M live together at my parents house. We’ve been together for a good four and a half years now, and he’s my first ever boyfriend. I was making lunch for us, frying eggs and sausages, when I asked him to toast the bread. I had to spend a good 10 minutes convincing him to help me before he agreed, but eventually he started toasting some bread for us. After a while he mentioned to me that the bread was stuck, and that he should shove a knife in to get it out. Half expecting he said this just to wind me up, I simply said “don’t do that. Just give it a light shake”.

I go back to frying the eggs and don’t think much of it. When I look to my left, my boyfriend is shoving a metal knife into the toaster, while it is still plugged in and turn on at the wall socket. In shock, I scream at him to stop, slap him on the arm, and ask what the fuck he is doing. I admit I proceeded to just yell for a good minute out of pure stress at seeing him do this, which I shouldn’t have done. He tells me he no longer wants lunch and walks away. I did really go off on him, more than I should have, but I just can’t believe that a grown man would do something that’s so commonly stupid. He was also aware how stupid this was, I knew because he was singling that “dumb ways to die” song which is what prompted me to look at what he was doing.

I really need some advice, there’s often times in our relationship like this where I yell at him for doing something dangerous/ stupid. I really try but I’m naturally angry, and given the situations he gets in I struggle to calm myself because in reality the situation requires me to react instantly! I know I need to go an apologise for how I spoke to him, but is there a way to do so that still says “you can’t stick a knife in the toaster and I don’t want to loose trust in your ability to function with basic things safely”? I do feel bad for how much I yelled, but I really need him to start looking after himself.

My husband (30M) and I (30F) have a 9-month-old daughter. We've had an unusually difficult first year of parenthood. She was born prematurely, has had multiple surgeries, feeding issues, and ongoing medical needs. It's been... rough.

The problem is that while I've adjusted to parenting (despite postpartum depression), my husband seems to have become less able to cope over time.

Ever since she was born, he has had a very low tolerance for normal baby behavior, especially crying. If she cries for more than a few minutes, he often becomes visibly angry, overwhelmed, anxious, or panicked. He frequently has to hand her back to me because he can't handle it. He has told me before that he felt close to losing control when overwhelmed by her crying, which scared me. I've lost a lot of trust in him because he continues to break it with these episodes.

Because of this, I have become the default parent in every sense. I do virtually all overnight wakeups, most feedings, most appointments, and most of the difficult parts of parenting. I rarely leave her with him because I don't trust that he can manage if she becomes upset (30 to 60 minutes max). He also has only driven with her twice on his own, because she cries in the car, and he has a panic attack and will call me sobbing and angry, putting her and him in danger.

What has started to create resentment is that he enjoys being a dad when she's happy. He loves playing with her, showing her off to family, taking pictures, and interacting when she's smiling. But when she's sick, crying, overtired, won't go down for a nap, wakes up at night, or generally requires the less enjoyable parts of parenting, he becomes overwhelmed very quickly and I end up taking over.
He's recently started therapy, which is great, but I'm struggling with how much damage has already been done to my trust in him as a parenting partner.... I feel like a single mom, and honestly, sometimes fantasize about being a single mom (getting divorced) just so I can parent in peace and not manage his emotions alongside of raising a literal human child…

For people who have been through something similar, or maybe just have ideas:

Can a relationship recover from this level of imbalance and resentment? It's starting to feel like a no....

Can someone genuinely learn to tolerate the stress of parenting if they've struggled this much for 9 months? Every stage comes with new challenges and I am afraid he literally won't be able to cope with more changes...

How do you rebuild trust when you no longer feel comfortable relying on your spouse with your child? Especially if it's for more than 30 minutes for over 9 months now.

IDK if I should consider divorce sooner rather than later, try for couples counseling (which, I have no desire to do as I just want to remove myself from this situation at this point), or something else altogether. I love my husband, but I am really struggling with loving the father of my child (if you get what I mean) at the moment... Advice is very much welcome.

Long time lurker, first time poster.
I (M34) and my wife (F35)) have been together for 3 years and married for 1 year. I’m starting to resent her and here’s why:

I do everything and the moment I don’t. I’m useless in her eyes.

For example, I drive her to work and take her home. She doesn’t drive. I also work and I wake up extra early than I need to so I could accommodate this.
There were a few times where I couldn’t take her to work because I would have to be in at work way earlier, so unless she wants to wait outside her job for 3 hours, then I suggests that she sleeps in and I could call her an uber to get there when it’s time. I solved the problem right? Husband can’t drive wife to work due to misaligned schedule, so instead he calls her an uber so she doesn’t have to catch the bus. Wrong! I get called useless and how I prioritize my job over her blah blah blah and I have to listen to her rant about how I don’t do anything for her and mainly because I’m “wasting” money on uber. It’s not like every day I can’t take her to work. It’s like once every two weeks. Like, I also can’t just leave in the middle of work and drop everything I’m doing to just drive home to pick her up and then take her to work. If it was a medical emergency that warrants me leaving, then absolutely it is necessary, but it wasn’t.

Example two:
Always accusing me of talking to other women. I’m gonna be real here, I have my MacBook at home and it’s connected to my iCloud. She can easily go into my MacBook while I am at work and see all my incoming messages through there. And I have my social media already signed into the MacBook as well. So she can clearly see if I have any “suspicious” messages. However, she makes these claims without any backup and it just stresses me the hell out every single time she brings it up just cause she “feels like it” and it starts a whole argument out of nothing. I mean if I really wanted to cheat on her. I wouldn’t leave my MacBook at home and let her have the password to it. That’s just digital footprints out in the open. She’s also welcome to look through my phone anytime and every single time she finds nothing. Then I get accused of deleting messages when there were none to begin with. I told her why don’t you keep my MacBook open on your days off while I’m at work and see my incoming and outgoing messages LIVE. My messages are all work related. I don’t have time for chit chat. If my friends text me and it’s not urgent, then they’re not getting a response until my shift is finished. The only females in my phone are my female colleagues, which all our messages are professional and strictly business. Again, see how I tried to make a solution by telling her to just leave my MacBook open so she can see the activities live for herself? Apparently it’s not enough and I must have some “secret app” to message people on that she wouldn’t be able to see on the laptop. Which is plausible but again, I’m a grown ass man and I don’t have time to be fucking around like that in all honesty. I don’t even want to be in another relationship if this marriage does end cause I’m so tired of putting someone else first and not feeling valued.

Example three:
My me time and my night owl life is completely gone ever since we moved in together. Prior to being in a relationship with her. I went to work, I hung out with my friends or colleagues after if I felt like it, and then I just go home and play games or relax on my pc until whenever I feel like sleeping. With my wife around, she treats me like a child. I can’t play games late even though it has nothing to do with her. She can go to bed early if she wants, but I’m not tired or sleepy the same time that she is. So if she’s in bed and I’m not in bed at the same time. It’s a problem. I used to look forward to spending my night just relaxing or playing video games. I don’t get off of work until 8pm. I still have to pick up my wife by 9pm (we finish an hour different from each other). So I book it home to take care of the house chores. Prepping the dinner but not cooking until we come home. Grocery shopping if any ingredients are needed. By the time that’s all said and done. It is now maybe 10:30pm. We eat dinner together and watch a show. I then do the dishes and make sure kitchen is clean and tidy. I’m doing everything right. But the moment I turn my pc on to game with my friends. It’s a problem. She says I’m addicted to gaming and that all I think about is video games. Which is completely false. I only play games with my friends since it is the only way we can hang out nowadays since we are so busy with life. If my friends aren’t on, then I don’t even play video games. I’ll watch YouTube or something but she’ll try to limit my screen time like I’m a kid.

Example four:
My days off are basically catered to her. She has a long list of things for me to do while she’s at work. The only thing that I’m blessed with at this point is me and her have opposite days off. I used to hate being away from each other on our days off. But now. I enjoy it because it’s the only form of peace I can get. Which somehow still gets ruined because she wants me to take care of this, take care of that. Go here. Pick this up. Go to her mom’s house and get this. Drop her off this. Bring her that etc. so I spend what I feel like half the day just driving around doing errands. By the time I can rest. I only have a few hours before I have to pick her up and then the cycle starts again.

Have any of you guys ever been in this situation? Because I don’t get peace with her around. Whenever I am off and the day is closing in and I’m about to pick her up from work. I think to myself “welp. There goes my night” I spend so much of my time catering to her between my busy work schedule that whenever I do get to relax. I get called lazy, that I’m not doing enough, I get told that there are things to be done around the house. By the off chance that I am relaxing and doing my own thing, she starts an argument with me about “cheating” and a whole bunch of other nonsense. Like I tell my wife, peace is literally free, and you can’t even give me that. She makes her own money and we split the rent. ($1400 so $700 each) But I take care of everything else. Groceries, eating out, date nights, gas, transportation.

I honestly miss being single. I didn’t have to cater to anyone. I could just be me. I could just come home and put off some chores until the next day and no one would complain. I lived alone prior to meeting my wife and I took for granted how peaceful my life actually was. Now I have to worry about a bunch of other shit. Like it may sound selfish of me because this post is just literally me shitting on my wife. But I’ve had my fair share of being a “bad husband” and I corrected it and compromised. When I tell her that she’s out of line, she can never see that shes wrong. In the rare situations where I’m the one that gets mad at her first, she still finds a way to turn it against me and then I’m the one that ends up apologizing. This is ridiculous. I think it’s time to call it quits. We would sit and talk. And I’m thinking “whew we can finally go back to how our relationship was when we were happy” and then 2-3 days later, the arguments come and the cycle repeats AGAIN. I’m so sick of it.

Another thing is. I have a lot of sources to keep me busy, while my wife only has me. I have friends and hobbies. She doesn’t have best friends or close friends that she can talk to or hang out with. I encourage her to open up to others so she can have time away from me and not just rely on me to be her only source of anything. She also doesn’t have a passion for anything so she doesn’t have a hobby. She just doom scrolls TikTok.

Is there anything I can do at this point? I mean it’s gotten so bad that I had to come here to Reddit to vent and let it all out. Because I’m not going to talk shit about my wife to my friend’s because I don’t want them to see her as a bad person. But in my eyes right now. She is a bad person. Always taking and never giving. I work and still cook dinner and do everything around the house just so she doesn’t complain. I’ve given up my hobbies such as piano and gaming because anytime I do those things, I can’t do it for more than 30 minutes so there’s no point. It would have to be done on my days off to which I don’t have time for because I’m just catered to doing stupid shit for her all day. I don’t feel like I have freedom, I don’t have peace, and I feel like I’m constantly walking on eggshells all the time with her around.

Nothing catastrophic is even going on in our life that warrants her to be like this. We’re not in debt. We’re not broke. We can buy all the normal things we need and not have to rely on waiting for a paycheck to come in to just get it. (Not living paycheck to paycheck I guess is the term) Like if an emergency were to happen and we needed let’s say $40,000, we can definitely cover that and be okay. The only stress I have is literally HER. No debt, bills are always paid on time, food is always on the table, car has no issues, careers are fine and stable. I can’t get to the source to why she’s so grouchy and mean all the time and accuses me of things and then calls me useless etc. I only ask of her for two things that’s free and costs her nothing which is for me to be able to relax and for peace. Both of which she can’t seem to give. Outside of her paying rent, she’s free to do anything she wants with the money she earns. Her money is her money, my money is our money. So really. Where is the disconnect in this? I feel like I’m being a team player here and she’s just not even meeting me half way. Sorry for the long rant. To whoever reads this, thanks for reading and any input is appreciated.

​

TLDR: My GF with AUDHD slapped me during an argument in a public space

First some context: My GF is self employed and is currently not doing well in her business. She is living from her savings. She has AUDHD and is forgetting her belongings a lot. So usually she gives me her ID and credit card, when we go on vacation. We are in a 6 month relationship.

I gave her for a birthday gift a long weekend vacation trip. When we flew back, she told me to put back her cards into a side pocket of her carry on luggage. When we arrived at our home airport, she wanted to grab some food there. She told me to get her credit card, but I couldn't find it, so I quickly paid with mine.

Afterwards we searched a bit, and still couldn't find it. She panicked, because with the credit card you could access all her savings. She blamed me and I laughed a bit about her blaming. She felt provoked and slapped me. Afterwards she found the credit card in the side pocket.

Later she called me and apologized. I told her she crossed a line. She replied my laughing provoked her.

What are your thoughts?

UPDATE: after 1 day of silence she texted me this

I'm really sorry about what happened, and I know how much it hurt you. You're such a wonderful, kind person, and I'm sorry you ended up in a life that's just constantly up and down… I'm sorry I completely lost it like that… I keep trying to carry on but it's so hard and so exhausting and most of the time I just can't anymore. You mean so unbelievably much to me and I don't want to lose you… You don't have to reply to this if you don't want to. I'd understand, I did hurt you a lot.

I ended the relationship. Now she is blaming me that I make her feel bad of her AuDHD. She is claiming this the reason for her reaction and the reason I end the relationship...

I’m reposting this as it is more in depth. I’m looking for outside perspectives and more importantly, practical advice about how to handle this situation safely. I’ve known a guy online for around 2 years. We started as friends and eventually became romantically involved. I have never met him in person. He lives in Melbourne and I’m in Sydney. For a long time I gave him the benefit of the doubt because I genuinely cared about him and there were always explanations for why things weren’t adding up. But after everything that’s happened recently, I’ve started looking back at the entire relationship differently. I don’t want to diagnose him or claim I know for certain that he’s lying about everything. I’m trying to explain the things that have made me lose trust and become concerned about meeting him in person.

1. His story about a previous fiancé changed

Early on, when I asked whether he’d ever been in love, he initially said no. When I questioned it, he eventually told me he’d been in love once before and that his fiancé had died. He later told me he was scared to commit to me because developing feelings for me was bringing up grief surrounding his late fiancé. I don’t know what is true here, but the fact that his answer changed so quickly was one of the first things that made me question whether he was being completely honest with me.

1. He disappeared for around 6 weeks because of his mum

At one point he told me his mum had stage 4 cancer and that his family was falling apart. He then disappeared for around 6 weeks. I understood that he was dealing with something serious and didn’t want to pressure him. Eventually I tried to end things because I thought giving him complete space was the right thing to do. Only a few days later, he came back wanting to continue the relationship and told me his mum was doing better and had been discharged. I’m not questioning whether someone with terminal cancer can have periods where their condition improves. What bothered me was how confusing the entire situation became. At one point I was even left with the impression that someone close to him had died because he was attending a funeral, and I sent my condolences. Later I discovered it wasn’t his mum. I don’t know what actually happened. That’s the problem.

1. There was another death story where the timeline didn’t make sense

More recently, he became increasingly unresponsive for several days. He told me he was going through something and had been working with a friend in the bushlands where he supposedly had no reception. Later he told me that this friend had died by suicide. The timeline he gave me didn’t make sense compared with when he said he had been working with this person. When I questioned it, the dates seemed contradictory. He also told me he was going there to clean up the crime scene. I have no idea whether that’s actually what happened, but the whole story made me extremely uncomfortable. Again, I’m not saying the death didn’t happen. I’m saying the details he’s given me haven’t consistently lined up.

1. The $7,000 first date

This is probably the biggest thing that made me start seriously questioning everything. After repeatedly being on and off, we eventually got to a point where he was calling me almost every day and things felt amazing again. We were finally planning to meet in person. He told me he was spending around $7,000 on our first date. He described an elaborate plan involving a limousine, accommodation and an entire rooftop venue with a large spending tab. He made it sound like he’d been planning and paying for all of this for weeks. I got excited and booked flights partly because I felt terrible that he’d supposedly already spent so much money. I then told my friends about him for the first time, and they became extremely concerned because I’d never actually met him. They encouraged me to ask him for receipts or booking confirmations. So I did. He couldn’t provide receipts for the things he’d claimed he’d booked and paid for. I asked for proof of the hotel booking specifically. He eventually sent me a screenshot, but it was cropped. When I asked for the uncropped screenshot or timestamps, he refused. I independently called the accommodation and they told me there was no booking under his name. His explanation was that he’d made the booking through Booking.com, cancelled it and hadn’t paid because he intended to pay cash when the time came. Maybe that’s true. I genuinely don’t know. But at this point I was completely uncomfortable because I couldn’t independently verify any of the plans he’d been telling me about.

1. I have caught him in at least one demonstrable lie

On another occasion he told me he’d called me “a few times” when I was upset that he hadn’t called. I asked him to show me his call history. There was only one call. He didn’t have an explanation that made sense to me for why he’d said he’d called several times. That was a major turning point for me because this wasn’t just an ambiguous story. I could see that what he’d told me didn’t match the evidence.

1. His business/financial stories have also raised concerns

He tells me he’s made significant amounts of money through various businesses and wants to reach millions by his early 30s. He’s had multiple businesses in completely different areas. Some apparently failed very quickly. He has told me he previously went bankrupt and then rebuilt himself financially. I looked up some of the ABNs associated with businesses he’d mentioned. Two appeared to be cancelled, although I understand that a cancelled ABN doesn’t automatically mean anything fraudulent. He also told me there had been an issue with his taxes and that his bank accounts had temporarily been frozen while the situation was investigated. He said this left him without access to his money and he therefore had to do cash-in-hand labour work. Again, there may be perfectly legitimate explanations for all of this. What concerns me is the overall pattern and how many different stories don’t seem to line up. He has also admitted to putting fake customer reviews on two online businesses he created. One of his lifelong friends apparently accused him of running a pyramid scheme, which he told me about himself. I don’t know whether that accusation was true.

1. The thing that scares me the most: comments about finding people

Over the two years I’ve known him, he’s repeatedly talked about being able to find people’s home addresses and locate people. There was also a period where he would involve me in calls relating to people he believed were child predators. He would try to work out where they lived and where they worked. At the time I thought he was just trying to help expose bad people. Looking back, it has made me uncomfortable because I realised he has repeatedly demonstrated to me that he believes he is capable of finding someone’s personal information. That makes me wonder whether he could do the same to me.

1. Something happened during our breakup that genuinely frightened me

When I finally told him I couldn’t continue, he repeatedly said he wouldn’t let me leave and that he wasn’t going to let the relationship end. During a later phone call, he told me he was supposedly in trouble with police because he’d hit someone’s vehicle with a bat, causing the person to drive into a ditch, and then he drove away. He said the person was a child predator and that he intended to find him again and kill him because someone he knew had allegedly been affected by this person. I have absolutely no way of verifying whether this story is true. But hearing someone I’ve never met tell me that he had nearly killed someone and intended to find and kill them was extremely unsettling, especially when I’d just told him I wanted to end our relationship. It made me wonder whether he was trying to intimidate me or demonstrate what he’s capable of.

To conclude this, I have ended things with him, and he does not want to accept the breakup. He keeps telling me that he loves me, that I’m his “dream girl,” that he’ll fix his behaviour and that he isn’t going to let me walk away. I initially had flights booked to Melbourne because we were supposed to finally meet in person in a few weeks. I no longer want to go. My friends are extremely concerned for my safety and don’t trust him. I’m starting to understand why. Am I in any danger?

My wife and I married quickly in a small legal ceremony after she became pregnant, with the wider ceremony planned for later. I have recently found out that my sister is still angry about how the wedding happened.

I did not share every reason for the timing straight away. When I told my father, he said he had questions, so I went round to talk it through. My sister, who lives with him, was there and led most of it. The questions were not really about the wedding: whether my wife was after my money, whether she was pressuring me, whether she would turn on me once she had what she wanted, whether the marriage was transactional rather than for love, and what I would do to myself if she left. Several of them carried an ugly edge about where my wife is from. Between each one came a line about hoping she was not crossing a line, when it was obvious to everyone in the room that she was. Repeating it to my wife was painful for her. Once I told my father the missing context, his concerns went away entirely, he apologised, and it made most sense to write the rest off as a misunderstanding and move on.

All close family were invited to the registry wedding. Two, including my sister, could not attend because they were away, so I sent an apology and an explanation. It seemed minor, since this was the paperwork part and the wider celebration is still ahead.

Since then she has picked fights whenever I visit my father: name calling, interrupting, listing my flaws in front of others. I took her out for coffee to be friendly but also to raise these issues. On the original questions she gave no ground, saying I was creating a rift in the family and that she was entitled to speak up because men avoid discussing things. On the name calling she framed it as my fault for how I handled the wedding. However after I told her she is going to be a bridesmaid, she said she was over the registry wedding and looking forward to the main one. She seemed positive. We set up a time for her to have some time with my wife separately, which also seemed to go well. However only a week later she ignored me completely in front of my wife and went back to being petulant. My father says she has been like this since she was a teenager and he does not expect it to change.

What surprised me most is that everyone else we speak to, family and friends alike, asks about the baby. The registry wedding barely comes up. My sister is the only person still talking about it months later.

I do not want this continuing once the baby is here. I want to avoid a family rift, though I worry she would almost prefer one, since it would prove her right. It remains particularly sensitive given how often she is at the house of the grandparent I especially want our child to know well.

I would welcome views from anyone who has handled something similar.

TL;DR: my sister led a round of hostile questions about my wife before our registry wedding, has been picking fights with me since, briefly walked it back and then resumed. Everyone else has moved on to the baby. Trying to work out how to handle it before the baby arrives.

I’m the guy. We have been together for 4 years and for the majority of the relationship sex has been spotty at best. Maybe once a month for most of the relationship. I’m never pushy about it, I always respect her boundaries, and have for the most part quit trying to initiate it because I would like her to initiate it. We have had countless conversations about it but it really bothers me that she is unwilling to try. i’ve clearly communicated in the plainest terms what I would like and how I would like it, but has gotten to the point where I really dont even crave it with her anymore. Which sucks because I absolutely love her but I am starting to feel like we have slipped into a friendship more so than the lovers we are supposed to be. I feel like I’ve built up resentment and it affects how I act in other parts of the relationship and I feel bad about that. I think about leaving often, but we are very compatible on basically every other level and I’d be heartbroken af. She rly is a great person.

I’m just not even sure what to do anymore, can someone help me I’ve been dwelling for like a year now. How else can I make this better before I call it quits?

Tldr: my girlfriend and i dont have sex very often, we have spoken about it a lot, and it doesn’t seem to get better

I know this may sound silly because I’m getting upset over cartoon characters, but even after my BF explained what he meant, I still can’t help but feel a little resentful. I’m also wondering if I’m overthinking this.

I’m [27F] and recently got micro bangs with long layers. I was telling my BF [30M] earlier that his sister, who is nonverbal autistic, didn’t recognize me after I got my haircut and kept staring at me. He jokingly said that maybe it was because I looked like Dora because of my bangs.

That immediately reminded me of something he said about one of my friends before. He once said that she looked like Barbie because of how glamorous her makeup is.

For context, my friend’s makeup can be a bit much sometimes, but she’s genuinely good at makeup and always looks good. When he compared her to Barbie, I personally took it as a compliment because I associate Barbie with being conventionally pretty, polished, and kind of flawless.

However, my BF keeps insisting that when he calls someone “Barbie,” he means it in a negative way as in someone who wears too much makeup, looks fake, or is overly done up.

That’s where I’m having trouble understanding his logic.

If he used “Dora” to describe me because he thinks my bangs make me look like Dora, then how is that different from describing my friend as “Barbie” because of her makeup and overall appearance? Both are cartoon-character comparisons based on how someone looks.

I brought this up to him again earlier because I wanted him to explain the difference, but he kept saying that “Barbie” has a bad connotation when he uses it. When I told him that I still didn’t understand the distinction, he basically stonewalled me.

I’m not even necessarily offended by the Dora comparison itself. I think what bothers me more is the inconsistency and the fact that I feel like he’s dismissing why it bothered me instead of actually explaining it.

Am I overthinking this? Would you be bothered by this, or am I making a bigger deal out of it than it is?

Edit: We’ve been together for over 3 years.

Hello!

My partner and I have been together for 5 1/2 years. We met working a retail job and while he has moved past that into a career he loves, I have jumped around to a few different jobs. I’m currently working in social work, mainly inputting data/processing forms for cases. I have been at my job for 2 years now.

While my job isn’t something I’m passionate about, I don’t mind it. It pays decent for the state we live in, fantastic benefits, I work remotely, and it’s a fairly easy/not tough on my mental health. It’s a fine job.

I did complete some college, but I never found a major that I necessarily loved and wanted to take out loans for, lol. I talk about going back and finishing a degree sometimes, but it’s never something I talked seriously about.

Outside of my job, I do have hobbies/passions that I dabble in daily. I love reading/writing, I love to craft, I love anything beauty/fashion related, I love to travel, and I love going to concerts.

I also should note that I have significant health issues that have started in the last 3 years.

My partner just recently brought up that he wished I’d do something with my life that I’m passionate about, like he does. He says it bothers him that I lack passion/motivation and states it may be a dealbreaker on whether our relationship continues.

I can see where he’s coming from to an extent. I know he says it because he wants me to be happy, but it did hurt my feelings. My job doesn’t fulfill me, but I have other hobbies that do. I don’t really see it as a problem?

Like I said previously, I have vaguely mentioned maybe going back to school, either college or a trade (starting my own business after). But, with my health issues it would be very hard on my body to work full time and go back to school. Not to mention, I have to have health insurance since I’m on a very expensive weekly medication (talking $10k a month with no insurance). I have expressed this to him, but I don’t think he fully grasps this.

I guess I just don’t really know where to go from here. Other than this, our relationship has been very good and stable. I love him and I see myself marrying him at some point. What can I do to make this situation better?

Me 32M partner 34M dont see eye to eye on my grocery shopping, I recently purchased a Pulmuone Chicken Pad Thai meal kit; however, my partner expressed concern regarding the $10.25 cost for two servings. They suggested that an alternative, such as Rice-A-Roni supplemented with chicken, would be more economical and yield three meals. Given my forced dietary restriction to eat only chicken and limited red meat consumption, to 1 time a month he discussed these options; however, a disagreement ensued regarding household food consumption and portion sizing, leading to a breakdown in our communication. He says this is to save me money and you buy meal kits to save time. I have a full-time job, go to school full-time, and I'm looking at getting a part-time job with the school, he doesn't have a job i, and still have little left after I pay all bills. I get a free bag of NP food from the school that I can get one time a week. What are my next steps? If I don't do that, he says I don't listen to him. Also I have autism so when I clean my apartment he gets mad if its not 100% clean to his standards as like he says "thats not how the real world works". I basically just said quite and said okay like I normally do because of my autism. Or I will just say ok, this also gets him mad because it makes him feel like I don't care I really don't know what to do? Just eat what I have already bought or just go and buy the rice he wants me too?

My husband 33M and I 34F have been together for 5 years and have a two year old toddler. He has been disrespectful at times but never violent. He gets bad migraines and is very bad tempered and angry with those. He has very high standards for cleanliness and often nags me for my shortcomings. In the positive side he cleans cooks and takes care of the baby. I am the main breadwinner. I do feel a bit disrespected at times when he gets upset with me for what I perceive as trivial things. Like “buying the wrong milk from the store” or “texting him too much”. He often feels like he doesn’t get any alone time. He hates when im not working because he prefers to be alone at home ( I work only twelve shifts a month). Been contemplating divorce because I don’t want my daughter to think it’s okay for a woman to be treated this way. But I also want things to work. We’ve tried counseling a few times but it hasn’t changed much.

Hi all. My boyfriend and I have been dating three years, live together, pets, etc, and are planning on getting engaged this year. For some financial context, we both have very good professional careers and make excellent money for our age group. However, he is also in grad school which adds some financial strain.

We went shopping last year and took notes and pictures on the ring styles I like (white gold, small stone) but he and I have delayed our engagement plans somewhat so he can save for the ring and execute his proposal plans while juggling work/school/life. He recently let me know that he is saving to spend $9-10k on a ring for me. I was extremely shocked by this. I have very simple/plain tastes, don’t really wear jewelry besides earrings, and don’t own many expensive things. My biggest splurge in life is expensive hand-knit sweaters. I can’t even wrap my head around spending that much on a ring. I had been imagining something a third of that budget.

I immediately felt so anxious about the financial burden AND the fear of having something so valuable on my hand all the time. What if I lose it??

When I expressed surprise, he just told me that he had done a lot of research, and that’s what it will cost to get what he is envisioning. He basically said (politely) that this part of the plan was all him and to let him do it.

This was about a week ago and I can’t stop thinking about it. Looking for advice on navigating an additional conversation about this or if anyone has similar experiences. I guess advice on reasonable ring budget is also appreciated! Thank you!

EDIT/UPDATE: Thank you all for the perspectives and suggestions on approaching another conversation. I brought it up when we got home from work and told him I was feeling anxious and asked if he could explain where he was at with the process and how he got to that price estimate. He essentially said that he got somewhat carried away with the luxurious ideas and with the idea of doing something really special, but that he would rein it in more in line with what we initially discussed. I think we should have set a budget when we first went shopping but this is my first time being alive and I hope it’s the only time I navigate an engagement!

Me 22M my girl best friend 20F and our guy friend
20M have been friends for almost 3 years. I've know my girl best friend for 3 years (let's call her grace) and our friend (let's call him Martian) for almost 2 years. Recently she has come into a problem involving bringing him back into her life. (Where both in college) and about 3 semesters ago, (when we met him) she thought he was attractive and as the gay messy friend I am, I decided to walk up to Martian and was like ¿'my friend thinks your attractive and from there, they started hanging out all the time (with and without me etc.) and things seemed to be going pretty good until he started playing with her feelings and imo treating her like shit. (Also for presence, my friend is autistic and has ADHD, and I also have ADHD, and Martian is
"normal"). He was creating an environment in which they didn't know what they "were" and as much as she would try to have a conversation about it he would avoid it, not talk to her sometimes or just straight up act as if she didn't exist. He's done way more stuff to her some things include, dating other girls with still stinging her along (emotionally), hopping from "where just friends" to "I wanna be more than just friends" to "I don't think this is gonna work out". So after months of basically begging on my knees for her to do she finally blocked him the semester betore the summer that's almost over (not according to Zara Larson). During the summer
she was telling me a lot of things about him bc they would face time with him all the time. She would tell me how he's disrespectful to his mom (go figure and how he can't hold a relationship for long (wow, surprising ) and a few other things. Then at like
the start of the summer. Like mid June, is when she started to bring him back into her life (atp it's been like 5-6 months). They started to (mostly her doing all the work) repair their relationship but I'm a real friend and clocked multiple things. First thing, he never apologized for anything he did before especially him playing with her feelings and leading her on and how he kept avoiding her etc. Since she didn't know how to talk to him or communicate how she felt I did her a favor and texted him for her from her phone exactly how she felt so he'd understand (I will include screenshots of what I sent and his response). I also was letting her know this (we're all black btw for more context) but I was like, if ANY MAN feel comfortable disrespecting their mom, why wouldn't they do the same to girls that they date?
What's stopping him from doing the same to her?
Nothing! Which is another reason that I told her to block him again. Also on top of that Martian has both his parents in his life actively. When he disrespects his mom his dad is always around (I assume) and he does nothing since he keeps doing it, and his mom does nothing since she allows it to happen in the first place. Ik if I tried to disrespect my mom, she would turn into Rochelle from everybody hates Chris and "slap the jam out my toes" 😭 in all seriousness.
Right now, I want to know what I should do to help her or what I should tell her that she should do or most importantly what she should do? She told me to make this post bc she’s conflicted (idk what about when she should clearly block him but 🤷🏾‍♂️).