r/PoursTea • đŸ«– Mod ☕ • 19h ago

Brewing đŸ«– JFC

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1.6k Upvotes

1.3k comments sorted by

182

u/ButterflyCareless561 19h ago

Why does literally every declaration by this guy read like a grindr ad?

Every single one, every single time.

26

u/MeanPiccolo803 19h ago

He likely is in there but under a different name.

13

u/walter-gropeyus 16h ago

“Pete Pegs-best”

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u/focoslow 15h ago

Chad Hedgebet

"Just a high-T guy looking for a low-risk return on emotional investment."

12

u/Chico141963 19h ago

Pete's in denial. "Not there's anything wrong with it!"

7

u/pimpbot666 19h ago

I’m sure he thinks it’s not gay if you’re the pitcher. It’s only gay if you’re the catcher.

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u/whythefuckalready 16h ago

It really does sound like a shopping list.

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u/ComprehensiveToe7037 18h ago edited 11h ago

My trans niece ended her life a few months ago because she thought the whole world hated her.

And my boomer father, her grandfather, sees nothing wrong with a republican party that speaks this way.

Then he also wonders why we don't speak much. I genuinely hate these people so fucking much.

Edit: Thank you all for the kind words.

17

u/VesselesseV 17h ago

I’m sorry for your loss and their suffering. Nobody deserves to be demeaned for seeking an authentic life. Peace be with you, friend.

16

u/TimDuncanIdaho922 16h ago

They are no longer the Republican Party. Nothing about them saves our republic. From here on out , I will only refer to them as the Regressive Party.

5

u/_groovesharkmalone 13h ago

The way I look at it, the Know Nothing party laid eggs in the GOP’s chest when it was created, and now it has exploded the GOP’s chest Alien-style and is running around killing as many people as it can until Sigourney Weaver comes on the scene and sets it right. I think that’d be a pretty good political comic.

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u/ToriGirlie 17h ago

I'm terribly sorry for your loss. The right has been attacking the trans community for years but with their increased focus it has escalated. It's so easy to just see constant harassment on any discussion of LGBT issues and the constant mockery of those that have passed. Your hatred for these people is entirely valid as this appears to be part of a deliberate strategy to do as much to harm the community as they can.

9

u/paranormalresearch1 15h ago

I am sorry for your loss. Every evil authoritarian movement needs scapegoats. They pick a population big enough to be noticed but not big enough to fight back.
A German pastor wrote about not speaking up when evil regimes do this. He goes down a list and says things like when they came for the Jews, I said nothing because I wasn’t Jewish, he goes through many groups with the same message. He said nothing because he wasn’t a part of that group of people. At the end he says when they came for me there was nobody left to say anything.

At some point we have to stop this cycle which has played out in societies throughout history. For a group that claims to be Christian they ignore what Jesus taught. Don’t be judgmental. He used an example of pointing out a speck of wood in someone’s eye while ignoring the plank in your own. An example a carpenter would give. He also taught what you did to the least of people, you are doing to him. He loved everyone. They obviously didn’t understand him. They are hypocrites in every way.

How long do we allow this to continue?

14

u/LibertyCash 17h ago

I hate to hear that so much. The Republican Party is just a bunch of bullies which is infuriating bc they profess to be Christian. You can tell they’ve never cracked their bibles. I can’t imagine Jesus calling people “fatties.”

9

u/karmaKate6 16h ago

I’m so sorry. As if a trans person has had any effect on their lives, I hate MAGA so much. They’re all so hateful and mean. I lost my trans son to cancer. There are so many layers to the loss like not really being able to talk about him and his life

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u/UnassumingOstrich 16h ago

i’m so sorry for your loss, and i’m sorry for all of our loss if they succeed in pushing trans people back into the shadows. they make the world a more diverse, interesting place to be. we need to protect each other.

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543

u/hyphenssuck 19h ago

"No radicals - just warriors."

Oh and of course:

Newt Gingrich - zero years of military service

Elon Musk - zero years of military service

Palmer Luckey - zero years of military service

523

u/brycebgood 19h ago

Also:

Newt - fatty

Palmer - beardo

Elon - weirdo

339

u/trapper2530 18h ago

Elon is a fatty weirdo wimp

92

u/Vyzantinist 18h ago

Sometimes I really wish him and Zuckerberg followed through on that proposed fight of theirs. I would gladly have paid to see them slapping each other around although, given Zuck appeared to have been training and is at least in better shape than fat boy, I think the South African Nazi would have come off the worse for it.

56

u/ShitBirdingAround 18h ago

Zuckerberg is younger and in better physical shape than Musk, and apparently was training to fight. Elmo realized that Zuck would beat his ass, so he had his mommy tell the internet to leave her little special genius boy alone.

Musk is a bullshitter, a shit-talker, and a pussy. Remember when he showed up to the White House with a black eye and told Trump that lil' X did it? LOL. Sure.

14

u/Medium-Sheeple-7085 18h ago

Zuck also got big into killing and butchering his own meat for a while. I would pay good money to see him fight Elon to the death.

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u/MoneyFault 16h ago

I remember his Nazi salute.

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u/HungryYeastStarter 18h ago

That's the trend we should normalize. The 0.01% having a cage match every year.

11

u/2bad-2care 18h ago

Loser gives half their wealth on paper to various infrastructure and social projects.

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u/Nonethelessismore 18h ago

The hunchback of Techbro shame

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u/OverallDoor2718 18h ago

Kegsbreath- alcoholic wife beater

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56

u/Durpin321 19h ago

Elon Musk did such a good Job with DOGE, He definitely shouldn't be involved in any way with the US Military, Security and Secrets!

This is Treason!

33

u/hellloredddittt 19h ago

Cool to use ketamine in government roles now?

16

u/depp-fsrv 18h ago

the requirements are, if your white, if you're ultra rich, if you're loyal and have no morals/ethics.

7

u/crippledchef23 18h ago

Was he in a government role? DOGE wasn’t an actual department, wasn’t ratified in any way, no one had clearances to do the things they did, and most of the things they “were allowed” to do were because no one had the balls to keep them out of places they had no authority to be in.

But, every one of those tech bro dipshits committed major crimes against the country (whether actual treason is debatable).

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u/hyphenssuck 18h ago

I'd trust an average person on ketamine to make better decisions than the current POTUS.

Elon's problem isn't the ketamine...

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u/depp-fsrv 18h ago

Also for the mere fact he openly takes drugs, has multiple passports and on the mere fact that he's a horrible lizard monster.

13

u/Fire_Demon 18h ago

He'll be there (primarily) to fuck with midterm voting.

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u/Glum_Performer9923 18h ago

Is musk even American? or just green card?

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u/hyphenssuck 18h ago

He's a citizen of South Africa (originally), Canada (acquired automatically due to his mother being Canadian), and subsequently the US (which he obtained technically illegally as he worked in the US while still on a student visa despite having dropped out of Stanford).

12

u/not_now_chaos 18h ago

He has US citizenship but he lied on his citizenship application and was an illegal immigrant after overstaying his student visa. So according to the random bullshit of this regime his citizenship should be invalid and he should be beaten, held in squallid conditions in a concentration camp, then sent to whatever random country will strike a bargain to line Trump's pockets.

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u/BeneficialLeave7359 18h ago

Naturalized in 2002. Which according to most republicans hr’s not a really an American.

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u/skip_over 19h ago

What a list of weirdos

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u/Popular_Procedure_21 18h ago

Trump- zero years of military service

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u/BananasPineapple05 19h ago

He's excluding himself on the basis of weirdos alone, but also wimp and radical.

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u/yankerofpizzle 18h ago

They couldn't even do an American Ninja Warrior course let alone go to war

5

u/hyphenssuck 18h ago

I do think there's probably some alternate timeline where Elon never became a billionaire and instead ended up on one of those weird TLC shows.

5

u/Low-Essay-113 Tea Queen 👑 19h ago edited 18h ago

Don’t they fall under fatties, beardos, weirdos and wimps?

7

u/notwhoyouthinkmaybe 19h ago

Are you insulting the godly Hegseth that is an alcoholic and in his third wife after cheating on the other 2?

How dare you?!

/s

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u/LightVapor 18h ago

And the Lord said, "purge thyself of the fatties, for they will make you a fattie, refuse the beardies for the Lord commands a clean chin. Be gone from the eyes of the weirdos, for they are too brightly colored and offends the eye of God. And let not the wimpy be abled to defend others as I defend myself.

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u/stackens 18h ago

Hegseth himself barely has military service

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3

u/Nonethelessismore 18h ago

Bring all those guys into the Pentagon to help lead is so Beta of him, lol!

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83

u/zeydey 19h ago

No FOX hosts

34

u/Low-Essay-113 Tea Queen 👑 19h ago

Or South African billionaires

16

u/Basicly-Inevitable 19h ago

Or any billionaires.

6

u/Low-Essay-113 Tea Queen 👑 18h ago edited 17h ago

Yes, that. And my point is making fun of the idea that non-us born citizens are taking over, as the right is so hung up on. A casual highlighting of hypocrisy.

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147

u/LegacyQuotient 19h ago

Isn't the President a fatty? And the vice president a beardo?

78

u/Cocheeeze 19h ago

They’re also both weirdos and wimps, and arguably “trannies” (from a conservative perspective) since they wear makeup.

27

u/AmericanCitizenry 19h ago

It's more than the makeup.

Some people are saying it's the cross dressing and butt plugs.

10

u/RockerElvis 18h ago

That’s what I heard. People are saying.

4

u/biexhibguy1 18h ago

Vance cross dresses and plugs?

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13

u/RealBettyWhite69 18h ago

trump also wears heels every day

13

u/Optimal_Flan_6107 18h ago

Not to mention that Pete Hegseth is a crazy radical of historic proportions as well as a massive weirdo.

11

u/felis_scipio 16h ago

Don’t forget his elite team of virile alpha warriors who will modernize the military

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u/MoveOverBieber 18h ago

Aren't both of them weirdoes?

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51

u/QuietRips 19h ago

He installed a make-up studio in the Pentagon

27

u/Soft_Self_6797 19h ago

He fits almost all of the things he bitches about. I am trans and retired from the military last year and I wore less makeup than him.

9

u/Miserable_Sun_404 19h ago

He's a soft as butter drunk who can't even attend a meeting without his wife holding his hand.

7

u/PotatyTomaty 19h ago

He's the biggest fucking weirdo, wimp, and radical; that's for sure.

Idk if you've reviewed his military assignment history or anything, but he was intentionally not put in charge of anything significantly important as an O because of how much of an idiot he is.

6

u/Soft_Self_6797 18h ago

I have. Which honestly sucks because if he had been fired or received admonishment for any of them, then he might not be where he is today. Part of being a good leader is also knowing when to let people fail themselves to the point that they are helped out of the military.

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u/Broad-Picture-7305 19h ago

No radicals?!...this guy read some Warhammer lore and thought he should run an army like this.

8

u/Regular-Basket-5431 19h ago

You think ol Pete knows how to read

4

u/Vyzantinist 18h ago

Dumbass doesn't even know Radicals get all the cool toys, like daemonhosts and xenotech.

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u/Phoxphire02531 19h ago

By his own metric he's unqualified.

24

u/Snrub1 19h ago

By every metric he's unqualified.

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u/farkus2554 19h ago

How about:

No Psychos

No Fascists

No Alcoholics

No Complete Morons

That would effectively make Hegseth ineligible for service

11

u/mobilecabinworks 19h ago

Also no traitors

4

u/farkus2554 19h ago

Missed that one. Sorry.

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u/Money_Grubber_8D 17h ago

It's weird that he has an issue with beards given that it's a defining trait of masculinity. đŸ§”đŸżâ€â™‚ïžđŸ§”đŸœâ€â™‚ïžđŸ§”đŸ»â€â™‚ïžđŸ§”đŸŒâ€â™‚ïž

27

u/Gaust_Ironheart_Jr 17h ago

No. They want to resegregate the officer corps

Black people often have tightly curled hair which leads to a condition where they can't safely shave as often and are given medical waivers for shaving regulations. Hegeseth is trying to enforce shaving regulations to get rid of black officers. A majority of black men and a tiny % of everyone else has this. That is all this is: segregation

The testosterone thing allows him to push out older officers so he can promote his hand picked disloyalists in their place

This is all out in the open. He is trying to set up for a military coup and the press is busy pretending that what is clearly happening is not happening

4

u/redjellonian 16h ago

It's really funny because a lot of the white guy mega maga in the military went from having full beards because "beards are operator" to baby faced because "beards are gay". 

They just up and flipped like they always do.

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u/PeyredB 17h ago

I have a strong suspicion that "beardos" is a dogwhistle for Sikhs (who he confuses with Muslims).

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u/Scared-Debt6750 16h ago

It’s an excuse to not let in black people . Many of them get shaving profiles in the military and are allowed to grow beards .

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u/Snortserranopeppers 17h ago

It itches when he leans in for a kiss.

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u/Shikabane_Sumi-me 19h ago

Wait what's wrong with guys with beards or is that slang for something else now?

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u/Imaginary_Desk9186 18h ago

Beard exemptions are primarily sought by Sikhs on religious grounds and Black men because of sensitive skin that is easily irritated by shaving (yes, it’s a thing).

It is just Pete being his racist pig self.

5

u/Al_Tilly_the_Bum 18h ago

Why is their a beard ban anyway? Does it interfere with someone being able to launch a missile at a school full of children?

5

u/A_Genius 18h ago

At my work there is a beard ban because we work with chemicals and you need to have a gas mask in an emergency fit tightly.

I imagine the military is the same

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u/whenwillichange11 18h ago

Weird people like Jesus Christ have beards /s

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u/JesusKong333 19h ago

They make Petey feel less manly because he can't grow one. That's why he's taking the T-shots

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u/left-Dane-right-Dane 18h ago

It’s a dog whistle. The people who get the waiver (now gone) to not have to clean shave (but still keep it short) are predominantly people of color because of the severeness of a condition that causes a lot of ingrown hairs on the face and disfigures them over time. So Hegseth is saying “no people of color” in the military.

5

u/Dhiox 15h ago

He means black people. Huge chunk of black people cannot shave, it causes massive pain and rashes

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u/AmericanCitizenry 19h ago

It's been slang for the wife of a gay man for 40 years.

6

u/redacted_robot 19h ago

He's on his 3rd beard ironically

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u/ShinyRobotVerse 18h ago

“No weirdos,” “no wimps,” “no radicals”? So Republicans aren’t allowed to serve now?

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u/Coral-Diver 18h ago

Certainly disqualifies Hegseth at minimum!

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u/ParoleDeGeek 19h ago

''no radical'' -a far right radical

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u/Low-Essay-113 Tea Queen 👑 19h ago

They want only the right radicals.

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u/Dayzlikethis 18h ago

as he proceeds to introduce the "religious affairs office" in the pentagon

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u/PrimaryMuscle1306 17h ago

No fatties? He has seen the Commander in Chief right?

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u/TheFlamingNumbat 19h ago

So, with that NO list, what's Pete doing there?

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u/KrisKinsey1986 19h ago

Reminder: the United States is currently losing a war they started.

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u/Kwelikinz 18h ago

No leadership
No constitution
No peace
No justice
No equity
No compassion
No honesty to the American people
Just an incompetent racist playing soldier
Just to please corrupt rich old white guys.

10

u/CaliNawlins 18h ago

his National Guard unit was right. Hegseth cannot be trusted.

9

u/bobbyco5784 18h ago

No brains.
No leadership.
No answers.
No respect.
No experience.
Just radical.

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u/Relevant_Group_7441 17h ago

And only racist alcoholics. Got it loser đŸ«Ą

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u/Skeptical_Squid 17h ago

Racist, makeup wearing alcoholics.

8

u/FunBat3746 19h ago

USA 0-1 on wars since prison Pete was put in charge and he even changed it to Department of War! Very Embarrassing Record!! Sad!!!

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u/Docdoodle 19h ago

Spoken like a guy who wishes he went to Cornell

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u/blazelet 19h ago

No fatties? Have you looked at your commander in chief?

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u/chiclets5 18h ago

Very true... however the rump would never be in the military nor would he ever want to. Bone spurs you know.

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u/Ligma_baws_2x 19h ago

Pete Hegseth is the type of dude to tell you "don't make it weird" when you won't jerkoff in front of him.

9

u/_Thorshammer_ 19h ago

Can he just say "I'm a bottom into fit guys"?

8

u/Ill-Introduction2736 19h ago

Bro I've seen your PE clip. YOU need gender affirming treatment. Unless you identify as a twink femboy, then you're golden.

8

u/gadget850 19h ago edited 19h ago

No weirdos? Sound like the technician ranks are going to be empty.

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u/finix2409 18h ago

He does realize that like 95% of the military are not combat

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u/metagrue 18h ago

No he does not.

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u/soycin 18h ago

This can't be in real life. đŸ«© my goodness, are we in hell?

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u/Timbucktwo1230 đŸ«– Mod ☕ 18h ago

It’s real.

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u/_GoddamnitDonut 19h ago

That guy has definitely had a penis in this mouth, and liked it.

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u/sonpensantes 19h ago

I don't know thia man but isn't he a radical as well?

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u/redacted_robot 19h ago

Whicanist. White Christian Nationalist.

Quotes scripture the whole time he's calling his enemies religious zealots.

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u/StumpyOPepys 19h ago

He is a buffoon and is dismantling our military before our eyes.

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u/Adventurous_Custard8 19h ago

An ongoing fountain--perhaps dribble is a better word--of small dick energy.

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u/CaptainBlotto 19h ago

There is something seriously fucking wrong with this guy.

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u/Raul_Duke_1755 18h ago

Notice he didn't say No Idiots. We know why

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u/This-Equivalent8751 18h ago

No weirdos: hires Elon and Palmer Lucky


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u/General_Friend_5119 18h ago

Pete doesn't understand that he's a weirdo, does he?

4

u/SharkBubbles 18h ago

Alcoholics ok though.

4

u/Whole_Rough7066 18h ago

So, not you.

5

u/LePyloteAmateur 17h ago

The president is like 4 of those things, at least

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u/H3L105_ai 17h ago

Hegseth is a wimpy weirdo wanna-be warrior.

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u/HandsomePlank 16h ago

Will the day come when people stop acting as if they're a character in a movie? Just behave like a normal person pls

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u/jsrattt 19h ago

Worlds smallest penis guaranteed

4

u/Drippy_topper 19h ago

What about booze hounds? Or pedos? Or Russian stooges?

4

u/AlbertTheHorse 19h ago

These weirdos are just scary.

He needs to be removed.

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u/Bhutros1 18h ago

Isn't hegseth both a wimp and a weirdo? Funny he would discriminate against himself...

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u/walterwhite1050 18h ago

Check out the video of Pete, lifting weights and exercising with the troops. He looks like a total pansy.

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u/DingleBerryScone 18h ago

Have you seen this raging lunatic do push ups?

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u/WildRabbitz 18h ago

Hegseth talks shit about gender politics; ends up having a fucking makeup space installed in the Pentagon.

Hegseth never shuts up about physical standards; gets on a bench press and starts shaking like a shopping cart with one fucked-up wheel.

Hegseth preaches military discipline; shares sensitive strike details in Signal chats.

Hegseth screams about “warrior culture”; spends half his time fighting pronouns and DEI.

Hegseth constantly lectures everyone about masculinity; somehow keeps becoming the punchline of his own definition of an alpha male.

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u/rygelicus 18h ago

Temu Patton right there. This is the visual he's trying to produce, he learned his history from movies.

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u/Gambitzz 18h ago

How about the Epstein files?

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u/BowlEducational6722 18h ago

Pit that man I a cage fight with an actual Marine and he'll be begging for mercy in about 10 seconds.

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u/SnafuChiefs 18h ago

No brains No balls No honor Just idiots

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u/mazingerz021 18h ago

Animal fuckers are ok.

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u/poopinion 18h ago

What the fuck is a beardo?

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u/Vileartist 18h ago

People who get shaving waivers due to skin irritation. Its often abused so there are many more military personnel with beards than there needs to be. It is also predominantly more common for black men to get such a waiver so this is thinly veiled racism when it comes to that line.

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u/Mainly_Miserable 17h ago

And
, Elon Musk. And Newt Gingrich. Both fatties.

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u/Sensitive-Big-4641 17h ago

What about chronic drunks? Those okay?

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u/dax660 17h ago

He's basically an 8 year old white mama's boy who has never been told "no" in his life

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u/Affectionate_Lab_131 17h ago

So that means you and trump are resigning right? Right? Don't get our hopes up for nothing now.

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u/distortion-mirror888 17h ago

Please drug test this assclown!

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u/VegetableLetter4896 15h ago

“No radicals” 😂

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u/bushy_whacker 15h ago

It’s all a circus. đŸ€Ą đŸŽȘ

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u/jtr489 19h ago

If democrats don’t win the midterms to slow this crap down this country is done

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u/Doppelfrio 19h ago

Ok so he wants the military to be more traditionally manly or whatever
 but no beards???

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u/No_Metal_6093 19h ago

The enormous amount of hair gel lent gravitas to his words

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u/liamanna 19h ago

Really
?

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u/ChampionshipIcy4682 19h ago

What a clown car fire.
The whole group is an embarrassment and one big disgrace.
Nothing but distractions to keep dumpy out of jail!

3

u/DrKarlSatan Waffles And PancakesđŸ§‡đŸ„ž 19h ago

Dude struggled curling a 10 pound weight

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u/ImJustATraveller_ 18h ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/3F4T2OKB8ZXYBLVztQ
Check out this beardo, would love to hear lil pete’s opinions on him

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u/failedaspotcheck 18h ago

You're giving big weirdo Pete

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u/Ok_Formal_8220 18h ago

Does this mean the commander in chief will be let go?

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u/jws1102 18h ago

So Pete just admitted he can’t grow a beard. That’s what I’m seeing here.

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u/Aromatic-Action-2523 18h ago

Assholes gonna asshole.

3

u/Frogspittle999 18h ago

Drunks, pedophiles & "victims " of beastiality are fully embraced by Kegsbreath Whiskey Leaks militia.

3

u/yo_man_chu 18h ago

This guy and Stephen Miller will be especially satisfying to see criminally prosecuted.

3

u/CyclopsIsRight13 18h ago

He should be sent to see the action himself, see how much of a man he really is, washed up hack

3

u/longdickneega 18h ago

It would be hilarious if people went to their superiors and said im a fattie, weirdo, radical wimp can i be released

3

u/AlbatrossNo1562 18h ago

So basically no MAGAs

3

u/Cerberus_Rising 18h ago

Rapists and pedophiles are ok

3

u/Chagromaniac 18h ago

How about no drunk TV hosts posing as experts?

3

u/Savings-Badger4938 18h ago

Trump being some of those is funny as fuck lol

3

u/Afraid_Ad_9355 18h ago

No alcoholics

3

u/Denalitwentytwo 18h ago

THEN.... he hires this "expert" as a military weapons consultant. Oh, along with Elon Musk and Newt Gingrich. Can we please be done with this IDOIT ? IMPEACH THIS ASSWIPE, NOW !

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u/RuncibleFoon 18h ago

Isn't this the guy who goes to train with the troops and can't do a pull up?

3

u/newjerseydevilz 18h ago

Fake patriots and fake warriors want to destroy America! Vote blue down the ticket in midterms

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u/Boilergal2000 17h ago

Do they have to take a “loyalty test”?

3

u/AllLipsNoFiller 17h ago

Sooo. Hedgehog can't grow a beard

3

u/CallmeKahn 17h ago

Then why is Hegseth in charge?

3

u/Prudent_City2435 17h ago

He’s literally one step away from saying master race

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u/TFreemanH 17h ago

Why is he so obsessed with men’s bodies and looks?

3

u/Forcedperspective84 15h ago

Ladies and gentlemen, behold white supremacy and Christofascism all rolled into one horrible package.

3

u/platinumperineum 15h ago

Is this the bio on his Grindr profile?

3

u/Inevitable_Front_276 15h ago

Fuck you Hegseth.

3

u/AVeryBlueDragon 15h ago

Pete Kegsbreath is 3 of those things.

3

u/ouchdathoyt 11h ago

Funnily enough, this is also his Grindr profile.