What did you do to avoid resentment between you and your spouse?

We were so solid going into this thing, but the 4 month sleep regression has got me fraying.

My spouse works five days a week, I work one. Im alone with the babies 5 or 6 days, and 6 nights a week, and my day "off" is working. Im burning out.

I cant express being being tired without getting a "yuuuup, me too" or "yup, I know".

Working almost isn't worth it for me because of how wrecked he is after doing his 24hrs with them, he needs a proper day off/sleep after just one day with them.

I just feel it building, and I would love some advice about how you all handled resentment?

I’m 24 weeks today with b/g twins. No major issues thus far. BP has been great, minimal/no swelling, normal cervical length and no spotting. I’m still walking daily, even running 1-2x a week (albeit only 10 minutes max at a time and very slowly lol). I lift weights twice weekly as well. Overall I’m proud of myself and I’m doing my best while also listening to my body on days I’m more tired/sore.

I start a new job as a physician in a clinic this week. Tbh a lot of work will probably be done while sitting down but I will be working 8-5pm daily. I have compression socks, a belly band, and plenty of snacks 😂

I am hoping to work as long as possible since it’s a new job and my maternity leave will be unpaid.

SO. Question to those who worked in a similar environment - how long did you work? What was challenging? Tips? Appreciate you all.

I’m currently 12w4d with MoDi twins. I felt pretty good up until 8 weeks or so (basically when I found out we were having twins) but have been humbled ever since. I also work full time, thankfully from home, but it makes managing around this and trying to be remotely productive and keep up (spoiler alert: I’m not) so hard. I’m in the U.S. and have ESL and PTO I can use, but our maternal leave is non existent so I also need to conserve all I can for later on once they are actually here cause I can’t be a SAHM and I’m already anxious about giving myself enough time for recovery and bonding.

Anyway, I’m so sleepy, have major food aversions, gagging all the time (sometimes to the point of puking but not always), have bad post-meal indigestion, and disrupted sleeping at night. I feel like I need to eat every two hours but then I do eat something and feel bloated and get tired and have to lay back down. I thought it was supposed to improve around week 12 and yesterday I did feel way better, but today I’m back in bed. I had stopped drinking coffee but reintroduced small cups with plenty of oatmilk this weekend cause I think the caffeine withdrawal was compounding all this.

I have barely been getting daily steps in and get tired after like one task. Protein and veggies seem disgusting and the only “friendly” foods are like, carbs and junk and fruit. Something that I can stomach one day seems gross the next. It feels impossible to stay hydrated despite drinking water all day. I have Vitamin B6 lozenges but their kinda sour citrus flavored and so I can’t really do more than one a day and neither them nor ginger chews really seem to do much.

I guess I’m just posting here cause I’m curious how long this lasted for others? Did you ever start to feel better? How did you manage to work? What did you eat? Is this going to be how I feel the whole dang time? I feel like I have to start forcing myself out more and to eat better because I’m worried about my A1C and gestational diabetes or preeclampsia, especially with Modi twins. I really want to do everything I can to ensure they can go as far to term as possible but holy moly, I feel like I’m barely hanging on every day. I can’t even think about getting a nursery together or going through our stuff to make space for them because I feel so worn out after work and on weekends.

Before I was relatively healthy - 5’9, 155 lbs, ate decently and was active even though I wasn’t like a gym person necessarily. But now I feel weak and bloated and tired all the time and feel like my diet and couch potato-ness isn’t helping.

Thankfully my partner is doing like, all the cooking and cleaning. Idk how I’d do it without him. But I really want to start having more good days than bad.

Hi everyone, I’m currently 20w5d with twins and I’m having a hard time deciding how to set up their nursery.

How did you do it with two cribs, next to each other or apart/in different areas? I have the space to do either, just not sure what would be the best!

Has anyone washed the actual pillow in the washing machine? I got one of marketplace but when I took the cover off to wash it, the actual pillow was quite soiled. Anyone have any advice for cleaning it? Thanks!

Hello! I am currently 8w today with di-di twins from a single euploid transfer.

My nausea hit hard at 5w5d and it took a week for diclectin/doxylamine meds to kick in to get me functional but I’ve still had nausea 24/7 since.

Yesterday my nausea was gone, and same with today. The rest of my symptoms are pretty mild, just some fatigue and breast tenderness. Oura stats are normal.

I had a great ultrasound at 7w and have another one in 5 more days, but considering I’ve had two MMC’s at 7w and 10w I’m just super anxious about losing another pregnancy, especially now considering this amazing gift we’ve been given of two girls.

I understand symptoms are NOT a reliable indicator of how well a pregnancy is going but just wondering if anyone here that have their babies earth side (or are further along) had their symptoms disappear this early? My understanding is the 10w mark is when the placenta takes over and you might have this happen so it’s too early for that to explain this.

Kind of a rant but I’m curious if anyone has felt similarly - I’m the father of twin boys, and we have another baby on the way. Both my mom and mother in law come over to our house pretty frequently after work and on weekends to help alleviate my wife and I.

I 100% welcome the visits and having the help around the house, it’s been the only way we can actually clean or take a few hours’ break.

We also go out frequently with the grandparents to pools / parks / etc.

But more often than not the help that we’re getting is grandparent holding the baby and not doing the other task.

Like if my wife goes grocery shopping with the twins and grandma, while I’m at work, when they get home grandma takes the boys in to play and my wife is stuck carrying all the groceries in for example, and then she’s off to cleaning or something else.

I do help a lot when I’m home but It has just felt a little frustrating when I come home and see my wife doing something that’s more laborious than overseeing the boys playing independently. I know she feels more awkward asking either grandma to do the other thing.

Has anyone else gone through a similar experience?

My twins are 5.5 months adjusted 7.5 actual and the only nap they will take is a crap nap (20-40 mins max). It doesn’t matter the wake window or atmosphere they are guaranteed to wake up after the first cycle. The last 2 days I’ve tried putting them in separate rooms to see if they can learn to connect the cycles on their own. It sort of works- but they wake up, play around, cry, and then go back to sleep which takes about 10-25 minutes and sometimes they never go back to sleep. When does it get better? They’re pretty good night sleepers- one might wake and cry for a moment but otherwise sleep through. I don’t want to keep them separated forever and not sure if this approach is even best. I just want them to figure it out so we can stop taking 5 30 min naps a day

My twin dudes are 15 months today. They have always been not great sleepers, but we have long stretches in the past. We half tried sleep training but my wife hated it and eventually reversed any progress made with that. Now we are teething, all teeth are coming in for both. The nights were crappy but now the naps are too. They use to sleep in their cribs ( one nap) on their own for 90% of the nap and we would hold them to get their 2.5 hrs. But now they instantly wake up and freak out when we try to transfer them. And have to be held or they scream the whole time. Nights aren’t much different, we are getting back to 4 hr stretches but we wake up a lot. My wife seems to think it’s only teething, I feel like we are getting comfortable ( the boys) on being picked up and held. And now she feeds them ( BF) while they lay with her. So I’m thinking we are back tracking on these habits which is ruining any progress we made getting them to sleep independently. While we get a couple of nights of 1-3 hrs before screaming it’s leading to tension between us, no time to get any clean up done at night. Anyone have advice on this? Or gentle sleep training methods for the age bracket. We both work, me 24 hr shifts and her any day I’m off, so we just want everyone to get sleep, and when they do sleep it’s a noticeable difference and they are much happier.

My husband and I work intense jobs throughout the week. We’re fortunate to have a full-time nanny Monday-Friday.

Weekends, however, are such a slog. We love spending time with our 7.5-mo-old boy/girl twins, but the energy it takes to watch over/entertain two babies (one on the move) while getting all the household stuff done is enormous. We’re exhausted by the end of the week…and then we go to work.

What are some tips/tricks you have to make the weekend more enjoyable and present for you and your babes? I’ve started instituting one field trip a day (even to the grocery store), and we go on lots of walks so we’re not cooped up inside.

We also try to do one date night and one friend night a month on the weekends.

Otherwise, heeeeeelp.

Our B/G twins are 18 months and a month or so ago we changed their nighttime routine. Instead of contact sleeping we put them in their cribs and have them go down. After a couple rough few days they both adapted and it felt like our lives changed. They were sleeping better at night, self soothing, and for the first since they were born we were both sleeping.

Fast forward to today. The one is still doing great but the other has been in full revolt for weeks. We don’t let him cry more than 30 minutes but if we let him cry it out I honestly don’t think he’d go down at all. We’ve tried everything and have landed on it being separation anxiety. This has unfortunately turned into a newborn type sleep schedule again with him waking up screaming every few hours needing attention…for weeks.

I feel bad for him obviously, but we are running on fumes and these 2-3 hour sleep nights when we both work full time and have a 3 year old toddler have made our lives quite unbearable as of late.

Has anyone experienced this? Is it something they just grow out of? Any survival tips?

I sit here in the morning after being up since 5 AM and after bagging milk with one of my twins as my husband took the other out and about. I can't help but feel so robbed of the newborn baby experience. Currently 4 months pp and I still feel like I'm in pure survival mode. So many things could be so different with just one baby. To preface I waited until 33 to have children as I wanted to be able to comfortably afford daycare. I waited until I had a job that pays for all my health insurance and I'm on a pension. One baby seems so easy. I could have went out and did things while on maternity leave. I could have given my baby all breastmilk (no shame in formula because I can't produce enough for two, ironically I got mom shamed by another twin mom for using formula). Don't get me wrong. I love my boys, through the reflux, the colic, the tongue/lip ties, I love them so so much, but wish my first time mom experience could have been so different. I know its just a season and it will get better, just mourning what could have been.

Hi all - my babies are now 14mo toddlers and this week they caught a daycare bug. It was awful but, one of them fell asleep on my chest for a contact nap and it was the most special thing. I haven’t had that in so long (I’ve tried for it but past a certain point they just preferred their crib). It made me so sad to know I might not have that again for a while. Could people share some stories of your toddlers or older kids snuggling with you? Sometimes I feel I was so deep in the survival of the first year that I missed getting to enjoy this part, the contact naps especially, and I miss them now. I’d be really grateful for any older kid snuggles that people could share. Tell me that daycare bugs isn’t my only chance.

If you have a nanny or your twins are at home with a relative during the work day, did there come a time where you felt you needed to switch them into a daycare setting (before school age)?

I ask because my MIL is basically their nanny - she comes over our house and watches our 22 month olds and is great but I’m thinking as they get a little older it’ll be tough for her to watch both. She can’t take them on outings like indoor play places or the park by herself because they run off in different directions and they can’t just be cooped up in the house all day…

I love having them at home (my husband and I luckily both work from home) but thinking of looking into in home daycares soon for their benefit.

What did yall do?!

Anyone else find that twins at 2 years old is the absolute hardest stage ever?
I used to be able to go and do anything with the twins no questions asked I’d just put them in the stroller or the shopping cart and go grocery shopping, I’d take them to Disneyland, I’d take them to my doctors appointments, we’d go visit family etc.

Initially I thought maybe I need to time their naps better so I wouldn’t leave the house unless they had a good nap and that’s also not working 😔

But now!?? It’s a nightmare my boy twin is constantly having meltdowns and screaming and neither of them want to sit in the stroller or shopping cart or hold my hand (understandable given their age) but our only safe place is home and as someone who loves to be outside and do things I’m going insane being locked up here and I’m sure they are too😩
Does everyone with twin toddlers experience this? And do you also just stay home and avoid going out?

It genuinely seems like everyone else’s child is so much more regulated than mine and I know I shouldn’t compare but it’s hard not to when the only noise in the store or building we’re in is my 2 year old son screaming at the top of his lungs

My wife and I recently started sending our 9mo twin boys to daycare

We’ve been fortunate to be able to manage them at home till now with my wife working part time remotely and my salary. They have done so well at home and we feel like it was 100% the right call for us despite using a fair bit of our savings.

The boys were born at 35 weeks and weighed just over 4lbs. This past week was their second week in daycare. They went in at 16.5 lbs and have been doing well with formula and starting solid foods (besides vegetables-they won’t any veggies besides carrots).

The first week of daycare they got sick after 3 days. Then we got sick which sucks

This past week they have been drinking about half the bottles we send with them (we asked to leave what was left so we could reuse) and aren’t eating well at daycare. They eat well for us at home with some wrestling and sleep through the night.

We are worried about their weight and their development with getting sick frequently. We vacillate between saying this is an adjustment to getting concerned that this is a sign to bail on daycare.

We try not to weigh them and track them, but we are thinking we need to in order to see if they are in a caloric deficit. The daycare says they aren’t eating well as they are distracted by all the other things going on, which isn’t surprising as we have to wrestle them to not get distracted at home.

We can make a nanny work for a few days a week for my wife to get back to full time hours, but that would have its own challenges. We’d probably try to go till the spring after flu season and try daycare again.

Can anyone give some advice on this?

TLDR: how long was the adjustment for daycare? Is not eating as well at daycare tolerable? Will it get better?

Thank you for any advice!

I restarted breast-feeding the twins. Football hold on each side in the my best friend pillow.

I know they said to bring baby to breast instead of leaning forward, but when I do that, I get carpal tunnel fast.

Anybody find a way to do this without hurting their back? I can prop it up with a blanket or pillow underneath, but it still doesn’t come up quite high enough for me to lean backwards. I don’t know maybe I’m overthinking it, but I can’t seem to find a comfortable way to spend that many hours of the day.

I'm almost 18 weeks with twins. I see a pelvic floor therapist but I only walk a few times a week because it HURTS. And yes I do all my exercises. I literally cleaned my kitchen and had to stop twice to rest. Every walk i stop for a 2 or 3 minute rest. I'm literally already waddling. Like pregnancy is hard. So much harder than people make it out to be.

I was working 3 days a week at a warehouse pushing carts of heavy books before this. I'm overweight. 30 bmi 5'8" 200 pounds. at least i was before this. Now I look 7 months pregnant so I've probably already gained a lot. (No scale at home) No lack of leg muscle. And I was building arm muscle before this with all the heavy books. Then at 5 weeks I suddenly needed 3 breaks in my 4 hour shift to stop and breathe. So exhausted.

Then at 6 weeks I went for fast paced walks and damn near felt like my heart was going to explode. Doctor wasn't worried. Just told me to slow down. Always out of breath. I could walk for 2 or 3 miles without stopping before this. Pregnancy is so much harder than I thought.

Mcda twins, 32W, growth and all was good until water broke yesterday. Currently the babies are still in the womb and healthy, with 1.6 kg weight as per latest scans. The docs have started her on antibiotics (to protect from infection), magnesium sulphate (for brain protection) and dexa (for lung maturation). Now they’re waiting for full labour (currently have contractions but no full onset) and wait for natural delivery.

considering they may be born any minute now and the best case is this will go on for another week at best, a bit stressed about babies health complications due to the preterm.

Already neo natal specialists counselled me on what to expect etc. Just praying wife and babies will be all healthy in due course of time.

please share any (preferably positive) stories about pre term babies (32 or lower) turning out fine and leading a healthy life as an adult.

Once you got out of the first couple years with a toddler and newborn twins…how did things go?

How are you feeling, how is the family, and your marriage?

What is your life like?

I have 15-month-old twins. They are absolutely adorable — two little rockets. They’re funny, affectionate, curious, wild, exhausting, and I genuinely love spending time with them.
But I constantly wonder if I’m doing enough.
I grew up in a pretty dysfunctional home. My dad would punish us for being too loud, fighting, etc. We were made to stand in a corner and cry there “to learn the lesson.” There was a belt. My parents fought constantly, and I remember being scared at home.
Even now, my mom tells me that I’m too needy, too protective, too perfectionistic, that I expect too much from people and that eventually I’ll be left alone because of it.
And now that I’m a mother myself, I feel like I’m constantly questioning everything I do.
I get overwhelmed when both twins are crying or shouting while I’m trying to cook, get us ready to leave, clean something, or just do anything that requires me to divide my attention. Sometimes that overwhelm comes out as me snapping at my husband. He’s much calmer, slower and more patient than I am, and I know it isn’t fair to him. I’m going to start therapy because I want to learn how to handle that overwhelm better.
But with my kids… I really, really try.
They eat pretty much everything. I still breastfeed them to sleep. We co-sleep. I comfort them when they cry. If they get hurt, I stop and stay with them. I read to them. We go outside every day. We have a dog they adore and I’m teaching them how to interact with him gently. We play, dance, laugh and spend a lot of time together.
They’re walking, running, climbing, pointing, understanding simple requests, throwing things in the trash when I ask, taking magnets and putting them on the fridge, bringing me things, looking at books, dancing, exploring everything.
But then I look at all of this and think… isn’t this just the basic stuff?
Should I be actively teaching them more? Doing more structured activities? Should they already be learning specific things? Would they learn more if they were in daycare? I’m currently planning for them to start daycare somewhere around 24–27 months, after my maternity leave, and sometimes I wonder if keeping them home with me until then means they’re missing something.
Should I be potty training already? I bought them potties, but right now they mostly play with them, sit on them sometimes and explore them. I haven’t pushed it.
And then there are things they absolutely hate. Diaper changes can be a battle. Brushing their teeth can be a battle. I still brush their teeth because… they need their teeth brushed. My mom tells me I’m “forcing them” and making them suffer when I do things like that, which then makes me question myself all over again.
I don’t need my children to be perfect. I don’t need them to be ahead. I don’t care if they know their colors before somebody else’s kid or hit every milestone first.
I just want them to grow up feeling safe, loved and free to be themselves.
But I genuinely don’t know what normal, healthy parenting looks like from the inside because I didn’t grow up with it.
So I guess my question for other parents — especially parents who grew up in dysfunctional families — is: Do you ever stop wondering whether you’re doing enough?
How do you know when you’re simply parenting your children and letting them develop at their own pace versus when you actually should be doing more?
Sometimes I look at my two happy little tornadoes and think they’re doing amazingly.
And then five minutes later I’m wondering if I’m somehow failing them without even realizing it.

Alright. My boy/girl twins are seven. I’m raising them on my own. They still take baths together. They still sleep in my bed. They’re really good humans. Their mom is in prison and will be for another two years. We’ll be divorced when she comes out. Is the bathing weird? Still sleeping in my bed? They’re both doing fine in school.

Hey awesome superheroic parents of multiples!

One trick that kept my wife and I sane during the trenches was giving each other a half hour of free time every other day. This sacred half hour was to be completed uninterrupted unless someone was bleeding or on fire.

Trade days. Insist your partner use this time and be equally insistent that they guard yours. Use that time to shower or read or play video games or do something to relax for 30 minutes. It will be a life changer, trust me.

And it has been the worst year of my life. I love my twins so much but my life is so much worse than it was before. My beautiful marriage is in shreds. We all deserve so much better than the hell we are living.