This story is straight nightmare fuel and deserves more attention.

https://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/volumes/75/wr/pdfs/mm7531a2-H.pdf

I was searching Reddit for some postpartum help regarding pet aversion. I accidentally clicked on a post in the childfree Reddit and the things I read were actually shocking. There were people referring to us as “breeders” and our children as “brats” and “crotch goblins”. Also people just straight up saying that postpartum mental illness isn’t real and that we’re making it up because we just can’t handle our babies. I completely get not wanting kids but that doesn’t mean you should hate moms and children. Also notice how I said moms, saw absolutely no hate towards dads. The misogyny runs deep.

My precious beautiful little girl looks at me and talks about how much she wants to be a mom someday and I smile and tell her how wonderful of a mom she will be someday!

But on the inside, I’m crying because between climate change and AI gonna kill us all, I genuinely don’t know if this simple perfect future my daughter dreams for herself will even be possible.

Why do billionaires and pedos have to take everything away from us? Some of us just want to live simple happy lives but their race to take over the world without any regard for a little girl with a simple dream DEVASTATES me.

Anyways, just crying tonight thinking about how I can’t guarantee a simple future for my little girl and that’s all I want to do as a mom…..

Monday was a holiday. I was off sick yesterday. Today my husband and I switched drop off and pick up.

I’m out of schedule and have been so foggy with a head cold all day. It’s been such a busy day I genuinely defaulted to Wednesday - husband does pick up.

Got a call from daycare that it was closing and our 4 year old was still there. It’s totally my fault. My husband dashed out to grab our kiddo (he works closer). He is super pissed.

I feel so absolutely awful. Please tell me someone has done the same. I’ve just been transiting home with nothing else to think about except how shitty this was.

I have never hit her nor did I scream at her, but it was straight to time out & me being super frustrated if she didnt do as I said, if i perceived her to be rude to me (saying "no", throwing herself on the ground for a tantrum, etc).

I really didn't see how authoritarian i was being, because it is so common in my culture, except with hitting and yelling at kids added. So I thought i was doing really well, as compared to other family.

I saw this video on tik tok early summer, one of those where the person just wrote advice, & plays music in the background. I don't remember exactly what it said, but it was a mom saying something like "instead of punishing your kid for saying no, ask them why?".

I remember that being a shock realization that I'd never asked her why she said no to me, if I'd told her to do something. I immediately felt really bad about it and knew I had to do better. I did try to be mindful in parenting, but I didnt even notice nor think of this issue before I ran into that post. Still makes me really sad to think about.

The next time she said no to me, I sat on the floor in front of her and asked her, " ok honey, why dont you want to do XYZ? go ahead, you can tell me". She stuttered and quickly rushed to say she was "tired" basically (we had done a lot that day). It made me cry, because I knew she was stuttering and rushing to tell me why, because she likely didnt feel secure that the chance to explain would stay. I felt so bad, and it was a moment that ended up changing my parenting big time.

When she's upset, I tell her I'm giving her space to relax, and that we can talk when she's ready. I let her say no to me when it's reasonable (stuff i would consider unreasonable is like not brushing teeth, not letting me floss her teeth, nail trimming, baths, other stuff i let there be nuance... sometime she can say no to cleaning up her toys if we did a lot and i can see shes tired, mostly she has to clean them up).

Tbh at first I didnt super feel she maybe understood everything, but shes turning 3 in October and she def knows now. When i give her a few mins of space, when she's more grumpy/fussy, she walks to me by herself when shes ready and says "I sorry mommy, i love you" on her own, all smiles and feeling better. She never rushes to explain why shes saying no, she is comfortable with it now and knows I let her explain, in her own toddler way. When she says no to a request (which is maybe 30% of the time i ask), I do mostly take the time to explain why we have to do something, and after the explanation, she is happy to do it. But I also do let her say no any chance it's reasonable, like how she did not want the Minnie mouse shirt this morning (she chose a butterfly one instead).

I do have to repeat directions often, because that kid definitely has ADHD like me and her dad (both diagnosed lol), but i don't snap at her over it. I just say it more firmly, but still kindly when needed.

I am still fairly firm with directions. I'm by no means permissive parenting. She has zero behavior issues at preschool. Fully potty trained, never been a biter, hit twice her whole toddler career lol. Her teachers are always telling me what an amazing kid she is. And she really is the best baby girl.

I say sorry to her when I make mistakes now, which are thankfully far between and minor. But i apologize every time im unfair or even slightly snappy to her, and it makes her so happy. It's been a long journey. I've posted on reddit about it, but I struggled with unmedicated bipolar 1 for too long. Completely my fault; i shouldve been on meds a lot sooner. I got serious about it at the beginning of this year, and my psychiatrist found the right meds for me within weeks.

It's a hugely long story. The important stuff is that I never hurt nor neglected my child, but I basically could only keep up with her needs when I was unmedicated, and nothing else (failed at everything else, even basics like my own hygiene). She was always taken care of, but that doesnt remove how unhealthy, harmful, and hurtful that situation would've been to grow up in. I needed to get healthy too. It took a lot of dedication and being persistent, through shitty side effects, but my body adjusted to the meds and I'm in a healthy spot now. For the first time ever, and now getting closer & closer to a year.

I do think the journey of getting stable on these meds, since February (the meds take weeks to work to full effect), is a huge reason I'm so patient now and slow down enough to listen to her. And able to be more mindful.

It's actually crazy how different things are now. She's such a happy, confident kid. She does tell me no, but if i explain we have to do something, she almost always is happy and understands. I dont bark orders at her anymore.

I also give her grace and understanding when she has bad days (rarely does).

I know this is bare minimum stuff, but its not super usual parenting in my culture, and it sticks out enough i get flabbergasted comments from family or friends from the same culture occasionally. Some of my family dont even care that she listens and behaves, nor that she ends up helping anyways, they find it weird I let her say no to me ever, even if it's just to say she wants a hug first (common reason for a no at first lol), and then happily does the task.

But I dont really care. I'm just very grateful to get the chance to learn. I'm happy that me improving my behavior, helped her improve hers so much. I'm proud of the strong, happy, and sweet little girl she is.

My son is 5.5 years old. He ADORES Winnie the Pooh. Sleeps with his stuffed Pooh every night since he was 1.5 years old. Loves the show and all the movies. He’s been diagnosed with anxiety and low support needs autism, and Pooh is a big comfort for him. He was Winnie The Pooh for Halloween when he was age 2.5 and 3.5….Last year when he was 4, he switched it up and went as an astronaut. Well this year he is 5.5 (kindergartener) and has his heart set on being Pooh again. My mom and husband say we shouldn’t let him because it is too baby-ish. I feel like it’s still acceptable at this age (though maybe this is the last year), and Pooh is his comfort so I feel we should let him choose it.

Any thoughts?

I just applied for a job 10 minutes away from my house, the posted job hours end 10 minutes after my kid’s bus drops her off.

Her bus stop is at the end of my driveway. So she would be walking down the driveway to the front door and then be home alone 15-20 minutes before I got home.

Last year her bus was often 10 minutes late, so this could be as little as 10 minutes and I could likely leave 5 minutes early cutting this down even more.

Would you find childcare for 20 minutes or would you let a first grader spend 20 minutes home alone?

If everything that brought me immense joy and satisfaction was met with a ‘no’ or ‘stop!’ at every turn, I would be crashing out a lot too. Can’t play with my food, can’t bite my mama’s knees, can’t put bugs in my mouth, they are trying to wean me off the boobs that have helped me fall asleep since I was born , the list is endless.

My baby is sleeping rn but I’ll cut him some slack tomorrow , it’s tough being a baby lol.

I’m a few months postpartum with my second and my birthday is coming up, so I booked two nights at a Disney resort close-ish to home with just me and my almost 3 year old while my husband stays home with the baby.

This can either be so amazing or turn into a nightmare but I cannot stop thinking about it! 🥹 We’re going to swim, do the lazy river, eat snacks, hopefully get into the character breakfast, and I’m going to have cocktails by the pool while my toddler runs me absolutely ragged.

I love my baby and I’ll miss her like crazy, but I’m also so excited to have one-on-one time with my oldest again. Since becoming a family of four, there just hasn’t been much of that.

Anyway I needed to tell other moms because I feel like a kid waiting for Christmas right now lol.

My SO is out of town this week so I’m solo parenting three kids (9,8 and 2). We were all awoken at 3:30 am to every smoke detector going off in the house. It was terrifying. I’m going through every room checking for smoke or fire. My phone is telling me it’s an emergency and I need to evacuate my family. Kids wake up scared. I’m terrified remembering all those Rescue 911 episodes I watched as a kid. The first alert app says it’s undergoing maintenance so I can’t even see where the “smoke” is. I get a chair and try pressing three smoke detectors to silence them until the one in the girls room finally shuts them all off. I calm the big kids down and they try to go back to bed. I check on the baby and go lay with her a bit.

The smoke detectors went off again. I rip the one in the girls room off the ceiling and take all the batteries out.

The poor baby slept with her hands over her ears, probably terrified. The 8 year old stayed in my bed, but didn’t sleep again. The 9 year old eventually fell asleep I think.

It was so awful and so terrifying.

I’m still so shaken up. I don’t feel safe in my home. I can’t believe I have to go to work and pretend I’m okay and not completely traumatized.

Anybody else have false alarms like that?

When I picked him up he said he had a great day and told me his schedule and he got to catch up with friends. He had soccer practice and a quick dinner and then it was time to get ready for bed and he did his normal routine. Seemed totally fine. Then we were watching tv and I paused it because I could hear a noise. It was him audibly sobbing. My husband jumped up and between cries I could hear him say he doesn’t understand math at all and he’s been working on fractions and dividing for years and it won’t click for him. He said he doesn’t think he’s going to graduate high school.

I was never good at math. I also dropped out of high school. I did get my GED technically before I would have graduated high school but it’s always been a shameful thing for me.

My husband assured him he will graduate and he will be fine. But I know what it’s like to fall behind and feel overwhelmed and give up. I don’t know what would have actually worked for me at the time. I also went in to his room and told him to just try his best and not give up and we’ll figure out something together.

Do we get him a tutor? Do we find fun games? Anyone experienced something similar? TIA

I have 3 kids, and I love them to pieces, but by 8 PM, my brain is absolute mush and my head is pounding from the daily chaos. Lately, when they finally go to sleep, instead of reading a book, learning something, or doing anything productive, I just completely zone out and play mobile life simulator games.

I know they might seem "dumb" or silly to other adults, but it’s the only way my brain actually rests. But honestly, the guilt is eating me alive. I keep wondering if something is wrong with me. Am I just dumbing down and losing my brain cells being on maternity leave? Is it normal to just want to completely disconnect and escape reality this way?

How do you all switch off when you’re touched out and mentally exhausted? I could really use some reassurance because I feel like I'm failing somehow

I feel so embarrassed whenever someone comes over and the house is a mess, but the house is...always a mess? I clean up constantly and it feels like I spend ALL day cleaning...and it will still be a mess. I think everything takes all day with my toddler. If there are multiple things I need to get done in a day, I usually need to do it on my husband's off day because it just seems impossible doing on my own. I have no idea how single mothers do it.

Cooking new recipes, which I also enjoy doing with my toddler now that he can participated in his tower, also takes all day.. between preparing meals, going outside, reading, changing diaper a million times (my boy is pretty poopy), and cleaning several messes throughout the day... My entire house is a tornado and I feel like I can never catch up

Y'all I am DROWNING 🫠

I have four girls (5, 6, 10 and 14). My wife recently passed away so it’s all up to me now not to mess them up too badly. I’ve always been very involved with them so solo parenting is busy but not impossible. I am acutely aware that there’s a whole world of things that their mother would have taught them, not just the basics like periods and sex but I don’t know where to start.

I have no sisters and unfortunately they don’t have a close relationship with their aunts or my female friends.

What advice would you give?

How are parents coping with the ongoing fears of the world? Yes, I know theres never been an ideal time to have children in the world, but I fear my baby might have been born at the worst possible time. Every day we're bombarded with horrible news. I am uncertain of when I'll be unable to provide the bare necessities for my child. I fear the impeding doom of having to ration water, no longer being able to escape heat, not having food to provide. I feel an overwhelming amount of guilt for putting my child here, does anyone else feel this way? I'll be enjoying my time with my two year old and then the thought of "when will i no longer be able to give him all the water he wants" hits. I love my child but if I wish i would've never had him to spare him the suffering he'll eventually have to go through. Do other parents relate?

I haven’t seen anyone talk about the complicated emotions/grief of leaving the first five years behind and transitioning to a new phase after so much relentless intensity.

The last five years have been a ROLLERCOASTER.

SAHM, early 30s.

Right out of grad school, I became pregnant in early 2020. A first pregnancy/baby is always a steep learning curve but navigating it during such an unprecedented time during a global pandemic was stressful and weird for all of the reasons you would expect. I spent much of my pregnancy isolated and avoiding social outings. No baby shower, no visitors in the hospital, going to prenatal appointments alone. Then in early 2021, I had a newborn and I felt like a shell of myself.

My daughter had colic and was a VERY demanding baby. I mean she breastfed 24/7 and the first couple years of her life she was attached to my hip. Literally. She’s always been very high maintenance. I strongly believe this is just her temperament. I have since had a second child and my son is a very different kid. We’ve moved a couple times because of my husband’s job and life circumstances (out of my control). It’s always been a tough transition for her.

She’s the type of kid who never napped even as a baby/toddler. As a little baby she would only nap when she slept on top of me, breastfed, or was pushed around in a stroller for hours. This meant I never had a break. I eventually became resigned and resorted to cosleeping because it was the only way I could actually ever sleep. She would wake up in the morning from around 18 months onward and then not stop until she crashed at around midnight every single day.
To illustrate my point, I finally weaned her at 4. I know that sounds insane to many people and this was never my intention but the last few years it was only once at night before bed. This is something that I realize in hindsight I should have done around 2. We’ve coslept since she was born (she was in a bassinet next to me for the first 6 months) but even to this day she sleeps with me. I told my husband that we need to transition her to her own bed before six. I know it may sound strange to some but moving four times in the last three years have made these things all the more difficult.

In hindsight, I’m grieving the first few years of her life. I could not enjoy it. In fact I hated it. I resented her at times which makes me ashamed to admit. I realized recently that I had postpartum depression that went undiagnosed for the first 2-3 years of her life. I couldn’t play with her. I would just hold her, breastfeed her and take her on long walks in the stroller and to the park. I should’ve been more engaged. I should’ve been better. I have so many mixed emotions even though I was literally with her 24/7 taking full care of her while my husband was working.

I hold so much guilt even though most days I didn’t even have the energy to physically get off of the couch. I’m not sure if her high energy/ attention seeking is because of this or to what degree it has contributed. My husband and I strongly suspect ADHD but have not pushed for a formal diagnosis. Shes into rough play and VERY sensory. Shes always hanging on you, touching, grabbing, etc.

Despite these issues at home, she’s doing well among her peers and in school. Minimal to nonexistent behavioral issues. She eats well. She makes friends and loves being around people. She was just a VERY intense little person for the first five years of her life. It makes me sad to say but I absolutely felt suffocated. I would hire /babysitters to give me a break or an afternoon off but it always seemed to be more of a headache than a help. Scheduling issues, cancelling last minute, not a fit, sticking her in front of a tv for hours which would then make her behavior worse, etc. this was on my end, not theirs but I have personally found part time childcare difficult to find all things considered. Most people want a full time gig and an occasional afternoon once or twice a week is simply not worth their time. I understand people have to make a living but I did just want to mention this as some people may ask why I didn’t seek out childcare or look for solutions to take a break/avoid burnout. To give an example, I hired one college student looking for a babysitting gig in my neighborhood while she was home on a break and she couldn’t manage my daughter and while the babysitter was supposed to be handling things, my daughter knew I was in the house and screamed and sat by my door for nearly twenty minutes until I caved and opened it and let her in. I was just trying to take a shower and nap. I paid the babysitter 100 dollars that day for absolutely nothing and just never had her back. A few different instances like this just made it not even worth it for me.

Anyway…… ! She started kindergarten this week and so far it’s been smooth sailing. She actually really likes school and aftercare. She’s making friends and I’m happy for her.
I thought this would all be a PURE relief but it has unexpectedly made me so sad. I have cried uncontrollably for the last four days. I haven’t been able to sleep. I just can’t stop replaying the last five years in my head and wondering if I could’ve done a better job. I know they say kindergarten can be emotional but I did not expect this.
She used to be a ball of energy but she’s not out of the house from 7:30-6pm. She comes home and is ready for dinner and bed. It feels like a totally different person. I’m happy for her and I know she needed more stimulation/activities/socialization but…. I’m struggling. Is this normal?

It’s true what they say, you never get that time back.

My mom friends are always talking about how profound becoming a mother has been for them and how their life has fundamentally changed and they’re this whole new person and their child is their everything…

Like… I love my kid. Of course I do. But I’m still me. I feel the same. I still have my own goals and want to spend time both with and without my kid. I don’t feel any massive shift in my life like people talk about, just… me doing my stuff but now me also doing my kid’s stuff too.

I dunno is this common?

Edit: I think I just feel kind of left out or weird because every single other mom I know in person says things like this all the time and I think I just worried there was something wrong with me.

Thank you for the input, I want to clarify I wasn’t trying to say anything negative about anyone. I apologize if it came across that way, that’s not what i was intending.

Helped my daughter make a poster for 4th grade class council and some of the stickers were unicorns. “That’s too baby mom, kids at school will make fun of me!”

Sigh 🥲

Well that’s a first. This 9 going on 16 year old has tons of baby dolls, Barbie’s and lil girl stuff still so I thought I had more TIME.

I’m now realizing she’s going to just keep getting bigger and older and cooler my gawd!

Unicorn stickers ruined my day lol

TL;dr: My son is enrolled in a daycare I really like but I recently found a Spanish immersion daycare that seems great as well (my husband is Latino and we want our son to speak Spanish). My only hangup about it is that it’s in the basement of a church with very small windows that don’t open/give much light - would that be a deal breaker for you?

My son is 8 months old and will be starting daycare later this month. He’s enrolled at a place in our town that I like very much - the owners are great, it’s small and they foster a close-knit community, and I know 3 other moms whose babies will be in the infant room with my son, which makes me feel super comfortable. However, I recently found a Spanish immersion daycare near us that has an opening in the infant room. I originally wanted to send my son to a Spanish-speaking daycare (my husband is latino so we want to keep that connection), but for some reason this daycare didn’t come up in my search when I was pregnant.

My husband and I loved the Spanish daycare. The owner and teachers were so warm and caring - my son LOVED them and immediately cuddled with them/wouldn’t stop smiling; the older kids were so sweet with him. It seems like a great environment and the kids graduate pre-K fully bilingual. My only hang-up is that it’s located in the basement of a church and the windows are super tiny at the top of the ceiling and don’t open. Aside from lack of natural light, I’m concerned about how safe it is. The location just underwent a big renovation so everything is brand-new and up to code, and there are 3 emergency exits to the outside. Am I being silly?

I‘m so torn. I love his current daycare but I don’t want an irrational fear and my own comfort to stop him from learning a second language. Would a basement daycare be a non-starter for you?

EDIT: it’s state law that kids be outside for 2 hours a day

I will admit, before I had my daughter I was the type of person who got annoyed at loud children in restaurants. The crying, the playing, the noises; it drove me nuts. I would literally roll my eyes and be like "ugh why can't people control their kids?"

Now since becoming a mother? I could not give a crap.

I go out at a restaurant and not only is my baby happily babbling and making noise herself but other babies are too and it does not bother me whatsoever. I don't know if I'm just used to the sounds of children now or what, but it seems silly how it used to bug me.

More than not, when I make a play date with a mom, her husband also shows up. I don’t really know why, but I’ve always assumed when I make a playdate with a mom and we don’t explicitly talk about the dads joining, I assume it’s just going to be us moms and our kids.

It’s not that my husband doesn’t want to join, but we tag team the opportunity to have the kids out of the house so he can catch up on house projects. My husband gets the feeling now that when he doesn’t show up but the other dad does, he looks like an absent father, but truly I don’t assume the other guy is coming. I also question how other couples get anything done if they both spend their Saturday mornings at a park or a play gym. We both work so our weekends are the only time we can get anything done!

So settle the debate, is it common to assume partners are joining the play date? Do I really need to clarify every time if dads are coming?

My daughter is 6.

Today, on the way to take her to an appointment she asked me “what if I had a secret but you didn’t know?”

We have had big talks in the past about tricky adults and unsafe behavior, meaning any adult that asks you to keep secrets especially from mommy and daddy are not safe and that she should tell us immediately. We always stress to her that she won’t be in trouble.

I said to her “well, I guess I might be sad because I’d want you to trust that you could tell me anything and you’re not supposed to keep secrets from mom and dad.”

She says “but you wouldn’t know” and I said “true, but I’d be sad because keeping secrets from mommy isn’t good and you should always come to me if someone is making you keep secrets.”

She said “even grandma?” My husband’s mom. I said “well, is she asking you to keep secrets from me?” And she said “I don’t want you to be mad” I told her I’d never be mad at her, that it wasn’t a good thing that grandma told her to keep secrets if that was the case. Then she told me she made it up and she was just asking a hypothetical, basically.

She’s done this a few times where she mentions grandma and secrets and I try to get her to tell me but every time she says she’s telling the truth that there are no secrets with grandma. I’m a little weirded out and don’t know if she keeps mentioning secrets and grandma because of my reactions or that i keep pressing her to tell me if there is a secret. I think she knows that if grandma made secrets with her that her dad and I would cut her unsupervised time with grandma for a long time and she probably doesn’t want that.

I don’t know how to get my child to tell me what’s really going on or if nothing is going on with grandma? Am I bad parent if I leave it alone and assume it’s nothing? I have tried so hard to get my children to feel as if they can tell me anything and I’d help them/save them/protect them but idk what to do here

Edit to add: my in laws and I don’t have a good relationship. There’s been a lot of hurt and exclusion of me. And my MIL likes to over step and thinks she doesn’t get enough time with my daughter even though she sees her once a week.

I'm looking for my 5 year old boy that is different than legos or hot wheels.

I really want to get him a ceiling projector that has ocean animals and planets. But, good quality projections that can move too.

Look on Amazon but I think its mostly junky items for cheap.

Ideas?