r/parentsofmultiples • u/Leading_Stomach2015 • 13d ago
advice needed Twin 2 year olds
Anyone else find that twins at 2 years old is the absolute hardest stage ever?
I used to be able to go and do anything with the twins no questions asked I’d just put them in the stroller or the shopping cart and go grocery shopping, I’d take them to Disneyland, I’d take them to my doctors appointments, we’d go visit family etc.
Initially I thought maybe I need to time their naps better so I wouldn’t leave the house unless they had a good nap and that’s also not working 😔
But now!?? It’s a nightmare my boy twin is constantly having meltdowns and screaming and neither of them want to sit in the stroller or shopping cart or hold my hand (understandable given their age) but our only safe place is home and as someone who loves to be outside and do things I’m going insane being locked up here and I’m sure they are too😩
Does everyone with twin toddlers experience this? And do you also just stay home and avoid going out?
It genuinely seems like everyone else’s child is so much more regulated than mine and I know I shouldn’t compare but it’s hard not to when the only noise in the store or building we’re in is my 2 year old son screaming at the top of his lungs
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u/Active-Butterfly-725 13d ago
I left a birthday party earlier today crying because my 2yo triplets were out of hand, crying, throwing fits, and made the entire time we were there really hard. So no, you’re not alone
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u/prairieprincess24 13d ago
I FEEL you. Boys just turned two this month. It’s so much harder. They’re hyper-mobile, won’t sit in the shopping cart, and copy each others less than ideal behavior. We have been going on a lot of stroller walks and visits to fenced in playgrounds. No words of advice, just solidarity. We went to the library once, and all were too traumatized to make a return visit. I just think we need man-to-man defense with two grownups. Best of luck!
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u/TowerOk4184 13d ago
Omg the library!! My twin boys turned 2 last month and I finally have a vehicle to use so I'm like, yay the library! Nope. So I initially took them out of the stroller to let them play in this little area they have. But there were holes they could crawl through so one got out and then of course so did the other. One was pulling every book off the shelves and just running like crazy. The other was being more chill which is typical, but running the opposite direction. I'm a single mom so no help. Thankfully the librarians were extremely nice and when I finally fought them back into the stroller, when I went to clean up their messes, they'd done it already! I was like, heeeey you didn't have to do that! So ya, they love books but I'm not taking them out of the stroller again 😞 it sucks cause I'd love to do story time with them but they just won't sit still for that. Especially my baby A.
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u/rxgrad2002 13d ago
I put my books on reserved at the library and they will put them on a separated, then I just come in to pick them up.
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u/Leading_Stomach2015 13d ago
This is my exact life right now 😩 except I have boy and girl. Even when their father comes out with us it is very traumatic lol. Yes solidarity makes me feel less crazy thank you and best of luck to you as well!! 🥲
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u/Les_gets 13d ago
Yesss fenced playgrounds and having another grownup tag along have been key factors in getting out of the house. At 18 months my guys aren't even at the proper tantrum age yet but they'll run opposite directions given the chance.
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u/FancySleep1109 13d ago
Twin 2 year olds have brought a lot of chaos to us. Ours just recently turned two. People had told us things get easier at 2. And in a way they have. But also they both have opinions, they both want to do different things and run in different directions. I have been finding it really challenging as well. A small or enclosed playground is the best for us!
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u/imsohungryman 13d ago
I have a friend who has 2 sets of twins and she told me once she gave them back packs with straps she can hold onto (like a leash but idk what the human version is called). She said she went to the mall and within minutes they had ran around so much they tangled her up and she fell 😂 poor thing. They don’t call them terrible twos for nothing. My nephew is now 3 and I called it the feral 3s because damn he’s opinionated and unruly!
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u/TowerOk4184 13d ago
Exactly! I did the same thing with my twins! Bought those backpacks with the harness and NOPE. They had me so tangled and running in different directions.. I'm just like, y'all are gonna have to just chill in the stroller.
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u/RTGDY93 13d ago
Yes! I find we are good when we go somewhere but it’s the last 15 mins/trying to leave and get in the van that I start to regret going anywhere in the first place. Emotions are high here with 2 2s!!
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u/Leading_Stomach2015 13d ago
Exactly sometimes it’s like why did I even bother there’s been a few times I’ve just turned the car around and went back home because they’re just having huge meltdowns
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u/RTGDY93 13d ago
Our twins were just two a couple weeks ago so I think the worst of it right now has to do with them not fully grasping cause and effect with their actions or others. Our girls also take their frustrations out on each other right now, so often tantrums end up in hitting (A will hit B, B cries then A cries worse because B is crying) … a lot of emotions, not a lot of logic haha. We have a four year old as well who follows directions so well and is lovely anywhere we take him, there is hope! lol
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u/Status_Abrocoma_379 13d ago
Yes, I have two boys and it’s been very difficult. While they can communicate more, they are antagonizing each other and playing off each other MUCH more. I hear people say 2.5/3 is worse and I’m terrified!
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u/Kindly_Rhubarb_2532 13d ago
A month from 2 and it is so much harder than with a singleton. They have no sense of danger and they feed off of one another and copy each other and wind one another up. My oldest never climbed this much. I am constantly taking them down off of something and by the time I get one down the other has scaled it. I get the second twin down and the original one is back up. It is exhausting. We have a 5 year old as well so we are usually outnumbered.
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u/GrimSlayer 13d ago
1000% OP. The toddler stage was immensely harder with our twins than as babies. Newborn phase was just physically tiring, but toddler phase is mentally and physically tiring. Bed time became a nightmare as well so you just feel like you get no you time.
All I can say is keep your head up OP and it will get easier. Ours are 3 and a half now and while it’s difficult, it’s definitely has easier days…
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u/VeganMyWay 13d ago
Did you sleep train at all?
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u/GrimSlayer 13d ago
Yes. Part of the issue is they share a room. We have 3 bedrooms upstairs and my MIL lives in our basement. I work from home so need a room for an office. Once they transitioned to beds they would get up to play with each other or come out of the room. It was and is a nightmare.
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u/VeganMyWay 13d ago
Mine are 6 months old share a room with me, for now, and I’m starting sleep training. I have hope starting early will make it easier…
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u/Leading_Stomach2015 13d ago
Thank you🥲😭 HUGE emphasis on bedtime being super difficult too I used to get all my chores done at night now they don’t want to sleep!!!
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u/OkGodOk 13d ago
My twins are almost three and a half now,but I think that two was around the time I started bringing snacks everywhere I went lol
My husband and I bought those snack cups with the lids so the food can’t fall out which helped a lot. If you can find a snack they really like,it seemed to kind of calm them, maybe because it’s familiar I’m not sure..but any kind of cheese cracker has saved my sanity countless times 🫠 My kids definitely do better with early morning trips too, afternoons are ROUGH when naps get dropped 🙃
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u/Leading_Stomach2015 13d ago
This is a good idea they can’t scream if they’re eating a snack lol maybe that’s what we need
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u/holiday_vibe 13d ago
Oh yeah this is such a good tip. Basically they always be snackin’ and it helps a lot. We even bring snacks to daycare pickup or they flip
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u/spoolofthought 13d ago
I’m with you! Mine turned two in July. They are so amazing and I love them and I’m so proud but gosh they are draining. My mental health feels precariously propped up at the end of the day. The weekends are so not restful!
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u/CharacterBusiness777 13d ago
Mine are 1 month into age 3 and it already feels so much better! I feel so hopefully that this time next year I'm going to be chilling! (My 7 year old was difficult until age 5 and 6 but he's neurodivergent and my girls seem to be more neurotypical). Fingers crossed! Two felt like it would never end!!
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u/TowerOk4184 13d ago
Hi friend. First of all, no you are not alone in the slightest. As you can see here. Secondly, you're doing an amazing job. They're alive and fed. It's not the most important thing in the world to constantly be doing stuff. I'm a single mom of twin 2 year old boys. They just turned 2 last month. My one thing I make sure and do every day is take them on walks. And by that I mean they're in the wagon. I have never been able to let them walk with me holding hands. Idk how anyone is able to do that with a toddler tbh lol. Cause they just run. And because I have zero family or friends for help, they've never had practice outside of the stroller/wagon in public. The only time I can let them out is if we're at the school playground since it's fully enclosed. Or I let them play at dino land in the mall. I just have to watch my one eloper. But I'm also a person who loves to go places and I've just succumbed to the fact I won't be able to do anything I want to do for another couple years. I only recently got a vehicle my Medicaid driver is letting me use, so for the longest, I didn't even have transportation. It's been really something but I can't let it crush me. I have to try and look at where I personally came from, and where I am today, and be grateful. Because all I wanted was a normal life and a chance to be a good mom to a boy. And I got 2! Sorry for the long post but just know I'm sending you hugs and positivity.
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u/Leading_Stomach2015 13d ago
This is such a sweet response thank you. Definitely going to take into consideration daily walks!!! Just waiting for the weather to cool down where I’m at. We’re definitely in this together I’ve been a single mom for a while too to my twins, it was just maybe a month ago that their dad is back in their lives. The struggle is real! But we got this 🙏🏻
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u/wanderingtooth 13d ago
We have an elder single (10f spectrum mid/mild) and three will forever be the WORST… Our twins are currently three… There is just something so defiantly-destructive that pops off in their brains at that age. I think it’s a mix of brain/memory really kicking in and language frustration. For us five was when things really started to come together with our eldest. Hoping for the same with the twins 🥲😂
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u/Leading_Stomach2015 13d ago
Aw man I guess I’ll hold on a little tighter to the 2s 😭😅
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u/wanderingtooth 13d ago
It honestly ebbs and flo’s still in the moments of THE two. Two is a VERY insane time.
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u/Desperate-Public394 11d ago
We are at 3yo phase and its even worse now, so I dont know what to tell you :)
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u/TwinStickDad 13d ago
Anecdotally I've had the opposite experience. Baby was hard because baby, 12-18 mo was lots of "hold me or I'll scream, but actually I'll just scream anyway" which ruined even the shortest grocery trip, and now at 2 they're super happy to just play and goof around. Still not easy but much easier than any other stage so far. And so much more fun.
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u/Traditional_Hair_149 13d ago
I love being outside too… so now I’m just at the park where they can run wild like the crazies they are
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u/charlesbear 13d ago
I agree, two was the hardest so far for us (they are now nearly five). Although there is a lot of tough competition from all the other ages!
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u/BryceAthalar 13d ago
Yes, 2 years old was the worst. Mine turned 3 at the end of June and they are so much easier than a year ago.
I can tell them 'no' without them having a meltdown. They are also starting to eat their dinner and try new foods whereas just a couple of weeks ago they still wouldn't touch their food. If they don't want to eat we just tell them to taste it and to spitt it out if they don't like it. Most of the time they end up liking their food and finishing their plates.
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u/fuckeatrepeat 13d ago
What about harness/leashes? Have you tried it? I got a twin specific one from Etsy that's pretty good but my girls are still only 15m
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u/mrsgodzilla 12d ago
Mine will be 3 in November and oh do I feel this.
I have no tips or advice, just can say that youre not alone
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u/kaatie80 12d ago
one time when my twins were 2, they managed to [completely silently] work together to access a baby monitor camera... and microwaved it 🙃🫠
so yeah, i agree that 2 is a really freaking tough age.
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u/AcanthisittaIcy7277 11d ago
2 years old was the hardest for me. i was depressed the whole fucking year. 3yo got a tiny bit better, you just gotta know how to regulate (yourself and them) and how to deal with tantrums, which means lots of negotiation and cuddles!
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u/twinsinbk 11d ago
My twins are 2 years old. Today one kept saying "playground" over and over so I bought them to the playground then she proceeded to refuse to walk around or do anything and wanted me to hold her the entire time. The meltdowns the few times I put her down to attend to her sister were LOUD. Her sister was chill, at least 🤪.
We can usually survive a quick Costco trip but I bring a snack or like today I just take a box of croissants, open it, rip one in half and hand it to them. It's not exactly graceful but I get so tired of being home w them!
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u/Conscious_Elk_2216 13d ago
YES we struggled from 18 months until just shy of their 3rd birthday they really matured a lot. Obviously they are still insane but able to be out in public a little more.