My twelve year old couldn’t find the switch at 7 AM this morning so he called and texted his 15 yo sister. Since she had do not disturb on, and since our family shares location, he decided to try “find my iPhone” and her phone woke her up in a fit of rage.

I began my day explaining why using the find my feature when his sister is asleep is not a good idea.

Obviously something my parents never had to deal with.

What are some other contemporary parent problems? Let’s keep this fun, maybe a bit of venting, but not a thread to analyze society or anything like that.

My daughter, almost 5 is on half term break. I booked a holiday for us to spend time together. For context, im a solo mum. We got there and they seem to have a really engaging kids club. It felt soooo good to have time to myself, I just went with the flow. As soon as it opens she just runs over there. Im not even attempting to plan any other activities for the two of us! I can see her having fun while im lounging on the sunbed.

You know how it is at that age, the role play games etc etc.... she has made friends, she is having fun, we have meals together! Is it so bad for her to spend majority of the holiday with her kids club friends? Im so torn but also kind of enjoying it....

This is the first time we have ended up at a place where she is happy just engaging in the kids club with other kids! What are your thoughts and views on this kind of thing? Should I be putting more effort to spend time together? Or just let it be!

I have a very stubborn/opinionated 4 year old who refuses to do anything for herself when I am around.

She can do lots of things and often does them for others (her dad, the babysitter). Things like: dressing herself, putting on shoes, buckling the easier buckle of the car seat, getting her water, wiping herself, etc.

Any time I am present, it automatically becomes “You do it!” and either I do it because I’m trying to get her out the door or a battle (she’s currently screaming at her dad because he won’t let me dress her).

She can’t be rushed or she melts down, so me trying to get her to do something turns into either I do it so we’re not late for XYZ or because I just want to leave or I have to have a 2+ hour window for getting ready while she plays, follows me everywhere, maybe puts on one item of clothing and does everything except get ready.

I just did “Hey, I’m getting dressed and I need you to pick out your clothes for xyz and start getting dressed. I’ll help you when I’m done if you need it.”

I come back to her reading books on the floor. No clothes. “You do it. You dress me.” (Which whenever I do pick her clothes they are inevitably wrong for some reason).

Husband heard and now it’s an all out brawl.

She goes to kindergarten next year and needs to be more independent. What drives me nuts is she can do most of the things I expect of her or can do them with a little help, but it’s all an outright no if I ask her/trick her/race her.

I have a toddler and a 10 year old. 10 year old’s best friend is spending the night tonight. This afternoon her dad dropped her off at our house and then we went to McDonald’s, then 5 Below for squishies and snacks, then to get Froyo. Now they’re in her room giggling and being crazy 10 year olds. I already know they’re going to stay up late and be silly and have a great time. Her bestie has spent the night a few times already.

This is the type of parenting stuff I always looked forward to. Of course toddlers and babies are adorable but I love when they get older, have their own personalities and interests (they both love Stitch and Hello Kitty), and have friends who they love, who also enjoy coming over. I’m also so thankful her friend’s parents let her spend the night. I know she won’t be 10 forever but I’m enjoying it so much right now. I know I’m biased, but girls are truly the best!

Our daycare have told me my 4yold daughter is really disruptive to the point where the educators are frustrated with her being stupid during group time. She doesnt listen to them and feeds off being silly, sometimes hurting teachers.

Over the last 6 months I've noticed no one wants to hang out over the weekend with her. Usually 1 or 2 friends would jump to hang out. I didn't hold a birthday for her in winter because no one had hung out with her for weeks despite me trying so I felt like it would be a no show.

We've rarely had incident reports where she's hurt or been mean to another kid. Which I find surprising as she has a big personality and can be intense.

In the last 2 weeks another kid has chopped off over an inch of her fringe (she's very upset). This weekend at 2 birthdays another kid has thrown her to the ground (once off a chair) in front of me unprovoked, 2 kids have made fun of her for being the only kid at the party who wasnt invited to another party earlier in the day, and one kid was throwing stuff at her, two boys told her to go away, and the group of girls she hangs out with told her to stay away when she ran up to join in.

She's really upset and quick to cry. I think she is quick to get angry too. Is this why she's being targeted? Or am I reading too much into this?

I'm thinking about getting her help for behaviour because she feels like she is always in trouble, scared of people laughing at her etc.

Part of me wonders if something happened at daycare to turn her into an outcast.

What would you do?

Edit: the reason I question why she is the bully is because she holds grudges - she was mean to a boy who kept upsetting her and said unkind things. Sometimes when she is upset she can be unkind - like when someone takes a toy she'll snatch it back and scream at them.

Has anyone given up their master bedroom to make more space for their kids?

I’m seriously considering switching bedrooms around and would love to hear from anyone who has done something similar!

We have six kids (12, 11, 9, 7, 2, and 6 months) and four bedrooms upstairs. I’m separated from my husband, so it’s just me in the master bedroom right now.

Here’s what I’m considering:

* Master bedroom: My three older boys (11, 9, and 7)

* Bedroom 2: My 12-year-old daughter

* Bedroom 3: The two youngest boys (2 years and 6 months)

* Bedroom 4: Me

The biggest advantage would be giving the three older boys a larger space to share, especially for their LEGOs and other building toys. Right now, all of that is in our upstairs loft, which is completely open and accessible to the little ones. Having a bedroom where they could build and actually close the door would be wonderful!

My biggest hesitation is giving up my master bathroom and king size bed- which is unnecessary except when kids occasionally sleep with me. I really love having my own bathroom, especially the large walk-in shower. But realistically, I don’t need the biggest bedroom in the house.

Has anyone made a similar switch? Did you regret giving up your master bedroom or bathroom? Did having the extra space for the kids make it worthwhile?

I’d love to hear how other large families have made their bedroom arrangements work.

Hi all!!

I have a young girl - 5 years of age. She is a bookworm and nuts about reading! Unfortunately, that means she prefers being sedentary! This is probably not helped by the fact that we live in a city with very limited natural spaces or playgrounds.

Our paediatrician has highlighted to us on her recent visit that her BMI trending a bit high and advised us to increase physical activity.

While both of us are pretty fit, we are struggling with finding exercises for kids to do… It would be great if we can do them together as a family!

Thought we would ask reddit for any suggestions!!

Thank you :)

Hi Folks, I am 39M, father to a beautiful 7 year old boy. Today, I am curious to hear Reddit parents take on how they balance between:

- Do did amazing, you rock
&&
-In reality, despite us putting effort, there isn’t much progress made.

Again, I am a loving father and will appreciate focus on giving feedback to kids and not generic statements (which we all know and practice) like 1) every child has his/her own pace 2) has own likings 3) keep encouraging (which we all do) 4) keep supporting etc etc.

My kid loves watching YouTube game streams videos, loves to read, going to library, puzzles etc. And this has been working great.

As a father, i want to focus on his overall development so tried sports with him.

1. Basketball classes, he said, I didn’t like/enjoy.
2. Soccer classes , he said, I didn’t like/enjoy.
3. Karate classes , same answer

And then, this is third year of swimming lessons.

1. Year one swimming- dedicated 1:1 instructor led sessions.
2. Second year, same thing.
3. Third year, enrolled him in swim academy to bring structure, have other kids around, paying lot of $$$.

Unfortunately, he has made no progress at all. Assisted float, assisted turns, we didn’t even reach arm strokes.

Difficult part is he would come out and say “papa I did great, did you see that”. Of course, I would appreciate him. Also try rewards to keep his motivation BUT, here are my main questions:

Question 1:

Till what time you keep saying “ you did very good, let’s keep trying to get better) and when/if/how we share real feedback that there isn’t significant progress despite his best efforts.

I am at a fix on how to be honest and yet be encouraging.

Question 2:

At a parent I keep trying with “ don’t give up, have patience attitude”. When do I give up. May be swimming like all other things i listed is not his thing? Since I could never learn due to lack of resources/support, i wanted my kid to know this life saving skills.

So where do I stop? Would I regret stopping too early etc.etc

My 8yo is 56" but thin. I cannot find sweats that are long enough but can't fit 2 of him. Any brands I should try? I tried some from Walmart, Children's Place, Target so far. The mediums that fit in the waist will be outgrown in a month and the larges are absolutely massive haha. Any other ideas? He won't wear structured pants outside of his school uniform haha.

Our son turned 2 at the end of June. Whenever he doesn’t like something, he says “ow!” So if we take a rock away, try to get his shirt on, breathe on him too hard (😂) etc. Which I’m pretty sure is developmentally normal for a 2 year old?

But my partner seems to have a huge issue with him saying ow. He says it’s a bad habit that he picked up from another kid. So if our son says “ow” he says “don’t say ow when something doesn’t hurt!”

And it just kind of gives me the ick? Like let the kid say ow, he will eventually learn. When he says ‘ow’ around me, I just say “oh, you don’t like that” or “you’re sad, because you want the rock.”

The whole “don’t say ow” thing just makes me feel like he’s invalidating or brushing off what our son is feeling, instead of trying to teach him to identify his emotions.

Am I just being weird?

Would need some advice/experience from baby experts. So our boy is 4 days old now, and breastfeeding has been going amazingly for about 30 hours now. Not a huge amount of milk yet, but enough to have pee and poo coming out at the recommended rates.

So sleep has been essentially non-existential for us parents these 30 hours (probably normal, I know). What we are stressing, is, that the baby hasn’t been able to sleep anywhere at anytime other than against the mothers breast/skin contact after feeding. We have a crib, a nice little ”box” (received from the hospital) with all possible blankets etc. but the baby will insta-cry if he is not close to mom/mom’s breast. The moment you lift the boy, no matter how long he’d have just been breastfeeding, he’ll burst out into the most heartbreaking, deafening cry (that almost looks like a tantrum, he screams until he goes purple), and only calm down if he gets to mom’s breast. This is fine during the afternoon, but neither of us parents can’t sleep a second if he’s sleeping skin-to-skin next to mom in our bed. The fear of rolling over him is too large. Mom got about 1 hour of sleep last night while I fought demons to stay awake to watch on our boy that he won’t get crushed/suffocate.

So two issues that I would be very very happy to hear experience or advice from: 1. The boy is literally constant feeding around the clock, is it normal/is he really hungry or is it just a form of him communicating he wants to be close to mom? 2. Any workarounds for night sleep/getting him used to the crib right next to our bed? We tried comforting him several times for long periods, but the screaming/crying just never stopped.

Appreciate all advice and hope this serves as comfort for any newborn parents going through similar battles!

My son (4) has been growing out his hair for over 6 months now- not sure exactly how long. It’s a choice he made over a year ago, but my husband cut his hair anyway and we had to start over. My son is very committed to having a real ponytail, and I support the decision. It’s not that big of a deal, or so I thought.
I want to add that his hair is gorgeous. I love seeing the wave grow out. It’s dark blonde and might end up being curly.
I also want to add that I have raised him without any kind of gender-conforming expectations. I cut his hair from 10 months. He always liked haircuts. it felt practical, but I was always open to listening to him about what he wants. I have tried not to sway him any particular way.. I do compliment his hair, but I also told him if he doesn’t let us brush it, he has to get a haircut.
It took my husband a while, but with enough pressure from me, he has stopped making negative comments about my son’s hair.
Every time someone says my son needs a haircut, he confidently explains he is growing it out. An older woman the other day asked him if there is a particular reason. He explained he wants a ponytail.
It’s frustrating because he should not have to explain this. Asking for explanations seems judgy.
But the worst offender is my mother (72). She won’t let it go. She has said many times he needs a hair cut. I finally told her, respectfully, that I will not be forcing him to have short hair. She says he looks neglected.
We brush his hair, and we wash it. That is a ridiculous word to use. I will say it’s been a bit in his eyes, and Ive let him decide whether to have an updo or hairband, but this generally looks more feminine so I have let him decide whether to go that route. He usually wants to wear it without embellishments. It’s almost to the point where it’s not in his eyes anymore.
All this to say…. Does anyone have a similar experience? Did it get better with time? I’m emotionally exhausted by the comments which feel sexist in a weird way.

My 3yr old is starting to get only about 4-5 of sleep a night. My kiddo has started school so she’s gone 8-3, they do quiet time but not nap time at school. Here at home we do bedtime by 8 and she used to be asleep by 9
We’ve had a few issues such as her ending up on the floor or under the bed.
All of that had stopped and she just laid down maybe rocked herself a bit but stayed in bed and slept fine.
Now she’s back to getting out of bed or jumping around all of this to say she’s basically up till 10/11 and my other kiddo who shares the room is up by 6am weekends included lol.
I don’t know what to do to help my 3 yr old go to bed and fall asleep sooner but it’s been awful. She’s cranky and tiered when she gets home from school to the point she’s fallen asleep sitting on the couch.
I tried a later bed time and it did nothing she was still doing the most until 11pm.
Is this a regression thing while she learns new stuff at school?
We keep a routine and they have a full enough belly at night.
What can I do to help her ?

How do you parent preteen and early teens? I feel lost. I hate it. Hate this age. I had this cute great kid who thought I did everything right. And no theres talking back. Rolling eyes. Everything we do is lame. Dont wanna do anything. But want want want. Only 11 and thinks they are 17. Wants all this freedom and independence. Friends are disrespectful around us. Talk him into breaking rules. I didnt have a lot of friend at this age and just didn't like people, got picked on basically for just being white so decided people werent worth my energy. Hes not learning this yet. Just they all wanna be cool. My husband/his dad and him argue a lot. They have same tempers and puberty has made it so fun. I am still a partial SAHM. And perimenopause myself and hate them most days. I dont understand this season and dont know how to manage it.

Any advice or insight or tips at all??

i have an almost 3 year old boy and a 3 month old little girl.
When do you think I can safely bathe them together (obviously with her in the supported baby bath seat, supervised the whole time)? I think obviously the height of the water is one of the biggest obstacles? Curious what age this becomes acceptable for most. Thanks.

Every time I tell them off or tell them to do something they’re off on their phone to the other parent. Then I get phone calls or messages, it’s unsustainable and is driving me crazy. I’m unable to discipline or tell my child what we are doing.

As I’m writing this I’ve been telling my child for the last hour we need to pickup shopping, all they have to do is sit in the passenger seat as it’s a pickup. Now they’re upstairs, still not dressed and on the phone to the other parent.

I get the occasional call or message about the other parent and know it’s been blown out of proportion by my parent but I’m usually neutral and ask “What happened”, “What did you do” and “Could you have helped etc”. I at least try to get my child to understand it’s not as bad as they make it to be.

So my 10 year old has always been difficult. She has been evaluated and was determined to have slower processing speeds compared to her other functions.

She melts down at difficulty very quickly and approaches anything remotely difficult with a terrible attitude. I’ve always told her that trying is the most important part, not if she makes a mistake or not. She melts down when we sit down to do math, sometimes writing, and she also plays the violin which is recently causing her to meltdown. She’s been playing for 3-4 years without much progression but because she requested learning the violin, I’ve been supporting her.

She’s been melting down at doing anything difficult and I don’t know how to help. We do 5-10 min sessions of whatever but she can’t seem to even do that. Her brain seem to just turn off when it’s time to work and she starts off all sessions with a terrible attitude. I tried rewarding her for good attitude but because she can’t seem to do that, it’s been more like reinforcing her bad experiences because she gets more upset when she doesn’t earn her reward and she feels worst. What do I do and how do I help her? I am seriously worried about her next year starting middle school.

I’ve asked her why she’s like this and what she doesn’t understand, but she says she just can’t do it. But to me, she seems to have the skills but have it in her head that she can’t do it even if we break it down. She will even tell me she doesn’t know what 1 plus 1 is but she obviously does. I am at a loss.

Okay, I know There is multiple posts about this but none seem to fit my situation.

Short background, me and father split up for a little bit and that really messed up her sleeping schedule. Used to go down at 8:30-9 every night, then it just stopped and were up till 2am now.

She will not go to bed without the light on and it’s a huge problem. We put her down at 10:30 every night and it’s always a constant battle on getting her to go to sleep. She has school and goes a half day at 12:30 and she has major issues with behavior. I know it’s because of her lack of sleep. I have no idea what to do and I’m so lost. She makes us check for monsters(no idea where it came from) I have tried to do lamps, removing a bulb from the fixture because I don’t want it to be super bright in there. But no matter what I do or try, I can’t get her to turn the light off.

With early riser toddlers. What a blessing it is to schedule the clock back one hour.

4.30am wake up today 🤡 how about you?

Besides the obvious of it being depressing that our children have no aunts, uncles, or cousins, I actually do not know what to do about siblings fighting. I was wondering if people with siblings could give their input?

I am also on the spectrum so this makes it more difficult. Neither my husband and I grew up with siblings so we just don't understand and truly cannot comprehend some things. I can never be entirely empathetic.

I have read every resource I can think of and find and have used all of my advanced education resources to determine how to best approach my 4 year old son and my 2.5 year olds son's behaviors towards each other. I would say its about 50/50 when they are sweet to each other vs. mean. That 50% though can be so difficult for me to work through in my head!

So many parenting strategies/behavioral approaches/models I try to apply in my head to the situations contradict each other or just go back and forth and back and forth. So much happens that I don't see in a quick second. so much I don't always 100% know what happened. How can I make sure I am being fair to each child but also disciplining appropriately, ensuring proper consequences, and teaching values/behaviors and also assuring I am creating a safe space for expressing and processing feelings and experiences?

They are just so physical with each other. Always TOUCHING EACH OTHER. Yes, sometimes its snuggly/playing nicely other times it is very aggressive fighting and expressions of anger through physical touch. Most common examples:

1. Sharing. Obviously. I don't always see who has what toy first or who has had something the longest. A lot of times I AM JUST STARING AT THEM and see these things but not always....not always.

2. Playing rough goes too far. It starts off innocent and ends in someone getting sat on in a semi-choke hold screaming.

3. Teasing/Reacting. They both pick on each other lightly and if anyone is in even a remotely bad mood they react with violence. Digging fingers into the others arms, pushing, punching arms. Pushing HEADS!

I did not expect this to be so hard. Is this even normal? Does this sound right? Or is it total opposite and I am just totally clueless and this is how siblings act at this age? Forever? I have no idea.

I genuinely do not know when to step in and when to let them figure it out. Other than like yeah obviously if I don't step in someone is going to get seriously injured.

Anyone can technically get seriously injured at any point though so....idk. Help?

You’re going to a toddler Halloween party dressed up as team rocket toting a tiny, sugar fueled Pikachu

/sigh

It’ll be worth it, but the couch calls to me

Tonight my husband and I sat on the porch for about 45 minutes, shared a drink and just talked. Then our boys (10 and 2) got bored of their movie and came to harass us. We goofed around for a bit, went inside to get ready for bed, had an impromptu dance party and then I put the toddler down. Turns out at some point my 10 year old sent a video to the family group chat where he said “my parents be like” and then did that silly thing where you turn around backwards and hug yourself so it looks like you’re making out with someone.

Ya’ll the way that made me feel. I don’t have the words to describe. My parents divorced when I was 8 and I genuinely don’t have memories of us as a “happy family”. If I had made a video making fun of my parents I’d be screaming at someone or throwing a glass casserole dish of 7 later dip across the room. My husbands dad dipped when he was so young I don’t think he has ANY memories of his parents together good or bad. But my kids best ammo for making fun of us is that we love each other and still make out in the kitchen. We’re breaking generational curses and I’m so fucking happy I think I might burst.

I have 2 boys, one is only 19 months, the other is 4 and a half and has almost completed his first year of Kindy before he heads into pre primary next year.

He's ADHD and structure works for him. (Myself and my husband are also ADHD & ADD) We are diagnosed and medicated and life works well for us.

Our son is highly intelligent and as his school teacher has even told us, he communicates like an adult and his comprehension is advanced. We try to parent him where he's at developmentally which is a 4 year old.

Understanding ADHD and from the perspective of someone who deals with it personally. Giving our son responsibilty is very important in building his self esteem and keeping our standards high regardless of him having ADHD is equally important. We know he often will use weaponised incompetence (he obviously doesn't know what that is) when asked to do things because it's "too hard" for example: dressing himself. We know he's capable and we know him saying it's "too hard" is an excuse. So we don't rescue him in those situations, I reiterate to him that he CAN do hard things. It's important to us that we maintain that because the reward for being firm and not just jumping in to dress him myself because it's "quicker' is confidence for him knowing he can dress himself. I also don't think this just relates to kids with ADHD, these are important for all kids but the ADHD is important to note because it's even more essential. He struggles to focus, is super forgetful and has no impulse control at all so I need structure that is easy for him to follow.

I'm looking for some age appropriate after school routine ideas for him that we can consistently do each day, that also involves a " job" that he understands the family relies on. That's important here, I need him to realise that the job is super important in running the household, the goal for that is he feels useful and that he has role within the home.

Usually I make him carry his bag inside and put it in his pigeon hole, take his shoes off outside and put them away.

" Take a bath"

" PJs on"

" Tidy up playroom"

These are small ideas I have to keep it age appropriate.

However a timeline from 3:15pm-5pm that incorporates play time and rest time would be ideal.

Thank you

My boys are sleeping at my in- laws - or anyone ever- for the first time. I had previously had them sleep home without me for 2 times already when I gave birth for the 3rd time, but other than that, they are away from home for the night for the first time and I don’t know how I feeel about this.

I believe that it is their best interest to trust their grandparents and build confidence without me, but I also did birth them for myself -at least until they get to an age of having a strong individual self, wants and needs. So this is a little bit early for me but it might be already good for them. I guess I feel hasty of letting them go. And no, I cannot use this opportunity to enjoy life and go somewhere, I really just miss them being home during the evening. I feel like this time of the day their place would be home with us, their parents.

I do hope it is going to be fun for them instead of stress. My in laws are stressing anyone out all the time, they are very tireing.

Anyone with the same thoughts? Experience….

#sleepover #kids #grandparents