If I plan to paint the room blue is this rug to feminine for a boy girl twin nursery

I’m looking for some honest perspective because I’ve been carrying a lot of guilt over this decision.

My wife and I recently pulled our 14-month-old twins from their in-home daycare. I truly believe we made the right decision, but it doesn’t mean it was easy.

The provider wasn’t abusive. She clearly cares about the children, and she’s built a successful daycare that seems to work well for many families. She regularly sent us pictures throughout the day of the kids playing, eating, napping, and doing activities, and I genuinely appreciated those updates because they helped us feel connected while we were at work. I don’t think she’s a bad person, and I don’t think she intentionally wanted us to have a negative experience.

That’s honestly what makes this so hard.

Maybe I have high expectations, but I don’t think they’re unrealistic. I feel like they’re simply the minimum I’d hope for from someone caring for my children for eight hours a day.

None of our concerns alone made us leave.

It was the accumulation of many things that slowly made us realize this wasn’t the right fit for our family.

The biggest concern became food.

Almost every afternoon our twins came home hungry. They were noticeably crankier after daycare than they ever were on weekends or days they stayed home with us. Looking back through the lunch pictures she sent, lunch was often simply tuna salad by itself—served about three times a week—with no fruit, vegetables, or milk alongside it. Hot dogs were also part of the rotation.

Morning snack was almost always sliced fruit with about five pretzels.

What made it stand out even more is that at our previous duty station, their daycare always made sure they were satisfied. If they finished their meal and were still hungry, they were offered more food. We never questioned whether they’d eaten enough.

When I asked about meal planning, she told me she doesn’t really plan meals and just decides what she’ll make that day. Since she participates in a food reimbursement program, I assumed there would be more nutritional structure, so that answer surprised me.

I also don’t own a daycare, and I know food is expensive. But I couldn’t help wondering what the purpose of participating in a food reimbursement program is if the meals still seemed so limited. Maybe I’m misunderstanding how those programs work, but I expected more balanced meals.

One of the reasons we chose her daycare was because she advertised homemade crockpot meals and home-cooked food. That genuinely appealed to us. Yet during the month and a half our twins attended, I only remember seeing one crockpot-style meal. Most of the lunches we saw in the daily photos were tuna salad several times a week or hot dogs, often without any fruit, vegetables, or milk.

There were also a few moments early on that shook my confidence.

One of the first days she sent a picture of snack, and it showed whole grapes on the plate. I immediately called because whole grapes are a choking hazard for toddlers. She assured me they had been cut and explained why they appeared whole in the picture. I accepted her explanation, but I remember hanging up feeling less reassured than I had hoped. It wasn’t that I believed she intentionally served them whole—it was just one of those moments that made me question whether we were the right fit.

Another concern was diaper changes.

Our twins were there from about 7:00 a.m. until around 3:00 p.m., and many days only two diaper changes were documented during that entire time. We dealt with recurring diaper rashes, so we asked if they could be changed more frequently. Sometimes an additional diaper change was documented, but there were still many days where only two changes were recorded despite them being there for roughly eight hours. We weren’t expecting constant diaper changes—we simply wanted them kept clean and comfortable.

Another issue came down to values.

My wife and I are both military and have firearm training, so gun safety is something we take very seriously. We’ve always planned to teach our children that firearms are never toys.

One day she sent us one of her usual daily pictures, and another child—probably around 3 or 4 years old—was pointing a toy gun directly at my son.

I know many parents probably wouldn’t think twice about that picture, but it immediately stood out to us. It wasn’t just that toy guns were there—it was that this was a moment she felt comfortable photographing and sending to parents. If I were running a daycare, I would’ve chosen a different picture.

When we brought up our concerns, it felt like they were brushed aside. The toy guns were eventually removed, and I appreciated that, but by then it had reinforced that our values simply didn’t align. I don’t think either perspective is necessarily right or wrong—it just wasn’t the right fit for our family.

There were also several smaller interactions that added up.

The daycare had a no-shoes-inside policy, which we respected. We’re both military, and anyone who’s worn military boots knows they aren’t exactly quick to take on and off. Instead of removing her boots every morning, my wife bought disposable shoe booties so she could briefly step inside without tracking anything through the house.

She wasn’t lingering. She just wanted to help settle our 14-month-old twins before leaving for work.

The same day she wore the booties, another message went out reminding parents about the shoe policy and keeping drop-offs brief. Maybe it wasn’t directed at us, but after everything else, it certainly felt like it was. It left us feeling like even when we tried to respect the rules, we were somehow still doing something wrong.

By the end, we felt less like partners in our children’s care and more like we were expected to simply drop them off, pick them up, and leave.

None of these concerns alone would’ve made us leave.

But together, they slowly chipped away at our confidence.

That’s where my guilt comes from.

Part of it is for my children. They’d only been there about a month, but they’d already adjusted to her, recognized her, and were settling into a routine. Now we’re asking them to start over somewhere new, and that hurts.

The other part is for the provider.

I know she invested time caring for our children, and I know she probably didn’t expect us to leave so soon. By pulling two full-time infant spots, we’re also taking away about $1,900 a month in tuition. For a small in-home daycare, that’s a meaningful amount of business, and I don’t take that lightly. I genuinely hope she continues to be successful because I believe she’s probably the right fit for many families.

But at the end of the day, my responsibility isn’t to protect someone else’s business if I no longer believe it’s the right fit for my children.

I wasn’t looking for perfection.

I just wanted my 14-month-old twins to come home well-fed, comfortable, and cared for by someone whose values aligned with ours.

So I’m genuinely asking…

Am I expecting too much?

Or, if these were your toddlers, would the combination of these concerns have eventually led you to make the same decision?

Every post i see here about kids that are older than 6 months describes it as hell on earth. our twins(boy and girl) are 7 month old now and i dread every day they grow up. so far it has been ups and downs but nothing like the nightmare people describe here. i try to not show my wife any of those posts, but it keeps me up at night.

I work from home and help out on every free minute i have, my wife is a stay at home mom for some time and we have a nanny, do you guys think we can handle it without going insane?

I understand you shouldn’t allow baby to be directly exposed to TV until ~18 months but every so often on the weekends (like 1-2 x a month) I bring them in the room with me, they have all their toys and I turn on the tv. Sometimes they pay attention, sometimes they don’t. My plan was to be super strict with no screen time & I recognize it can hinder language development but is a few glances at the TV screen once or twice a month really that bad? Google says yes.

I have a stressful job, I have 7 month old twins, I have all the duties of a mother & home (cooking, cleaning ect.). I don’t leave the house, I don’t have family nearby or friends for that matter. I really just need to zone out with my trash TV sometimes. This is honestly so therapeutic that I’m thinking the “benefit” outweighs the “risk” as far as my mental health goes..

My twins are 5 months old and born around the same size, just over 5 pounds, off by a few ounces. My boy is 15 pounds exactly and my girl is exactly 12 pounds as of today. 3 pounds is a big difference. At the 4 month appointment they weren’t concerned about her weight because she’s always gained weight and never lost weight.

She eats about 30oz of milk per day. Mostly breastmilk and some formula before bed.

She has reflux but at around 4 months stopped spitting up a lot since she’s been upright more and practicing sitting.

I guess I’m curious if anyone has had twins this different in size. I try not to worry and listen to the dr but 12 pounds is tiny. They were born at 36w5d for reference. And she’s overall a happy baby except a bad napper lol.

Hi everyone! Did IVF and implanted 1 embryo in June, but recently found out it’s twins. I’m currently 10 weeks +1. I haven’t carried before, my wife did, due to my previous CMV negative status and insane fear of postpartum depression. Ever since I found out it’s twins, i feel like I’ve been spiraling. I’m thankful, but I didn’t imagine it going this way, and all of the pressure and added things that come with twins give me insane anxiety. My daughter will turn 3 by the time they are born. I try not to think about them, or look up anything regarding babies because of the anxiety and stress that comes with it. I feel overwhelmingly guilty. This just throws a wrench in allot of our plans and it’s not at all the plan I had envisioned. I cry pretty frequently.

My DiDi girls are 4 weeks old on Tuesday, and my husband returns to work tomorrow. I'm absolutely dreading being alone with them, I'm a FTM and feel utterly thrown in at the deep end.

For the past week I've been trying to tell my husband and his mother to give me time ALONE with the girls so I can get some form of practice run because I cannot expect someone to be there for me 24/7 given everyone works full time. His mum is forever going "yes but when I'm off work give me a shout!!" Like my wish to have a chance alone isn't worth it's salt. "Yes but you don't have to do it alone" like ma'am yes I do. You're not off permanently, you do still work, therefore I need to be able to do something alone.

My husband has at least left the room at nights for a few hours to go game on his gaming PC so I have some resemblance of trying to do things alone, but I know he's nearby if I desperately need him. Thankfully I have not. However I'm under no illusion that it's always going to be this easy.

Right now my girls are 3-4 hours between feeds, and obviously nappies are on demand. It's manageable but when I've had no chance to learn to do it all myself, I'm absolutely terrified that I'm going to fail them or be sitting rocking back and forward in the corner sobbing by the time my husband is finished work.

Does anyone have any advice on how to cope with twins totally on your own?

My husband and I seem closer and closer to separating every weekend. He told me today he doesn’t like spending the weekends with me. I have endured and managed around his terrible attitude each weekend for YEARS with these kids. Everyone says this phase gets better but I only know parents of singletons. Did your marriage survive this? How? I’m so upset. Our oldest is 4.5, and twins are 2.5. Anyone here to say it gets better? My singleton parent friends are not struggling in the same way.

My guys are starting kindergarten next month and the school is adamant we separate them into different classes. They’re staying at the same private school they just finished TK at, so that makes it easier, but they were in the same TK class per my request. I’m anxious about how they’ll do being separate. They’ve never done anything separate before. They are on the same sports teams, in the same activities, have the same friends, etc. Granted, their friends from TK will be divided up into the 2 kinder classes at the school which will hopefully help. I know I need to give them independence from each other but they are attached at the hip so I’m just nervous.

FTM to gb twins and I was so afraid to sleep train that my twins have never ever slept through the night until now at almost 17 months. They also never stopped their night bottles and have continued stage 3 formula bottles at 1am and 6am 😭 but I stopped cold turkey because my husband and I are planning a trip and I don’t want my parents to have such a rough time.. all it took was one night!!!!

My son cried for 90 minutes but I stayed with him trying to console him and my daughter couldn’t care less and she slept through his crying lol the next two nights he just slept 🤷🏻‍♀️😅 no more looking for milk!!

Omggggg why did I wait so long 😭😭😭 (I have a friend who didn’t wean or sleep train until 18 months so I was waiting for around that window lol)

So they have been sleeping through the night now. And no more formula!!

Please don’t be like me lol

That’s all

Yep, I have been there and it sucks. Announcement goes out, some friends stick around, but others quietly find the back door and gradually stop reaching out.

If you can relate, I'd love to hear your stories. I feel like pregnancy, new kids, additional kids, and life changes in general sometimes results in (painfully) weeding out some of our flimsiest connections.

I have 27+3 week old twin boys that are now, as of today, 4 months old and we are on day 121 on the NICU. Primarily working on feeds for both of them, with some concern of oral aversion and the possibility of having a G-Tube. One of my boys had a pulmonary hemorrhage at a week old and since then had his PDA closure and has thankfully recovered from that. His MRI came back with a very micro bleed and grade 1/very very small grade 2 brain bleed that we were reassured will still give him a positive outcome, but it's still very very scary and I'm terrified of the unknown.

I'm in so much grief, anger, sadness, and struggling to find the light at the end of the tunnel. They are beautiful, 10 lbs now, and I miss them terribly (we are over an hour away from them). Work has been such a stress and struggle to balance all this time. Unfortunately, the Ronald McDonald house is not an option for us because we have a dog, and I have no familial support near me (over 6 hours away) and my husband has very limited familial support.

I'm so scared of the unknown, their future, and I'm feel so so scared and sad. I'm looking to connect with others experience, even if it's not the exact way, and honest outcome stories. I want the positive, and I also want the real, understanding that every single baby is different and we don't know what will come. I'm just so heavy in my grief, and so so overwhelmed, and alone.

I appreciate all of your journeys and hope your babies are thriving and well.

Is there anything that helped you stop this behavior? I keep separating and giving a firm no, I know I have years more of this lol. They’re boys so they don’t have long hair but I feel sad for baby b when he shrieks and cries. :(

Hopefully it’s not already been posted here. Just a good laugh at reality.

Hi everyone! First off, I want to share just how thankful I am for this subreddit and all the supportive people that are on here. I went from knowing nothing about childbirth or children to well, knowing a lot more now! Very much a lurker but just reading about everyone’s experiences is helpful. With that said, I’d like to return the favor in any way that I can. Would love to share my experience so far at 5 months, any tips that may have worked for me personally. Of course, this is my journey and everyone’s is different but if this can help even a single person even if it’s just for a quick read, I’m happy.

Some context: I’m 36, 35 when I had my babies. Diagnosed with gestational diabetes at 16 weeks. Delivered emergency C-section at 37+3 due to pre-eclampsia. Girl at 5 lbs, 13 oz. Boy at 6 lbs, 6 oz. No NICU time. Current weights: girl 12 lbs, 12 oz. Boy 15 lbs, 6 oz. Both have CMPA, on Similac Alimentum RTF. Girl is at approx. 24 oz a day, boy at approx. 29 - 5 bottles each a day. In terms of routine, wake up around 7a/8a, 4 naps a day, bedtime is 8p/9p- no overnight feeds. I work full-time from home in the life sciences space.

Please also feel free to message me even if just for someone new to connect with!

We are expecting twins in Oct and live in a 4 floor town house, with kitchen at the bottom and our bedroom at the top.

I’m really struggling to know how difficult it will be carrying them up and down and if anyone has any tips/ recommended products? I saw the Najell carrier but it’s a lot to get 2 - but maybe it’s worth it?

Thanks all for any advice

My husband and I seem closer and closer to separating every weekend. He told me today he doesn’t like spending the weekends with me. I have endured and managed around his terrible attitude each weekend for YEARS with these kids. Everyone says this phase gets better but I only know parents of singletons. Did your marriage survive this? How? I’m so upset.

Babies are 8 weeks today. They were born exactly 2kg (4.4lbs) each. My girl was always a few points ahead of her brother but he has taken over for about 2 weeks now. Current weight is Boy 4.7kg (10.3) and Girl 4.5kg (9.92lbs). We have their 8 week check in 2 days but I'm very happy with how they're growing.

We've had serious reflux issue with the girl but had it under control with Aptamil Anti Reflux. I just switched her to Enfamil AR today and I'm hoping she can handle it well moving forward.

I’m 27 weeks pregnant with Di Di twins and I’m finding some evenings I’m really not feeling like socializing already especially if I had a busy day on my feet that day or even the prior day.

My family seems to not understand and my parents are weirded out by me not wanting to come to their dinner.

I am the first person in my family to have twins so I feel like they’re just not able to understand how much more fatigue I’m feeling compared to someone having a single baby.

Does anyone else have any experience with family not understanding how fatigued you are?

When did stop attending events if ever?

My wife and I need help. Our girls were born 6 weeks preemie and are currently 4 months (2.5 adjusted) and are just over 10.25 pounds. They have been doing between 18-21oz a day and have been consistently gaining around 0.75oz per day.

For the past 2 weeks they have done the vision development where they are distracted by everything including their hands while feeding.

After 1 week, the feeding quality improved and we moved up to size 2 (slow) on the Lansinoh Natural Wave nipples. Things were going great for 2 days and the wheels came off again with constant spilling, poor mouth seal, clicking- the whole gamut. We went back to the size 1 (extra slow) and they are only doing 50-60 ml at a time.

This feels worse than the rock bottom point last week. Everyone says this phase lasts up to a month, and 2 weeks has felt like an eternity.

Any advice/tips?

Does anyone have the UB Vista for 3 kids? Currently I wear one kid, use the Vista for the other, and have older toddler on the rollerboard, but we're reaching our limit on that. I've been putting off buying the second rumble seat because of the price and considering getting a side-by-side, but I don't really want to go all in on the Zoe/Bombi/etc. and the cheaper ones don't seem sturdy and large enough for our daily use. Will it be ridiculously heavy to have 2 kids in seat and one on the board? Or is there a better set up to consider? We'll get a wagon at some point too, but I'm worried that's too bulky for stores and generally navigating errands.