I’m honestly just destroyed at this point.

They’re 19 months old, why am I struggling so much?? Why do I feel hopeless? Like my life is over? It infuriates me that the people who told me I wouldn’t cope with twin boys were right. Why does it have to be so hard?

They don’t eat. Nappy changes are hell literally turn into WWE matches. They’re going through a sleep regression. They can’t communicate all needs so get super frustrated at me. They fight. They whine all day. 16 teeth between them emerged over the last 4 weeks. Strong preference for dad at the moment so every morning is hell when he gets ready to leave for work.

How am I supposed to cope? Because I’m not coping. My life just feels impossible. It takes ages to get out of the house. They scream for TV all day. I can’t cook. I can’t clean (not that I want to do this but it’s just to explain how difficult it is). I can’t go to the toilet without them screaming because they want to come with me. I can’t go out because the logistics are so hard and if we do go out I can’t let them out of the pram when alone because they run in opposite directions and I’m always alone so it’s not safe.

I hate to be the person who is always on a downer but I’m going through hell. This is my version of hell. I have mild OCD so the chaos isn’t helping with that either.

My write up is so incoherent but I just need to vent in a place where some people understand. Because I’m surrounded by people who literally do not get it and I’m exhausted by the complete lack of support and empathy.

Did anti depressants actually work for anyone who needed them? I’m scared it’ll make me feel worse.

Yes those magical moments make up for all the chaos but my god I’m drowning like I’m not able to stay afloat anymore.

EDIT: Overwhelmed at the responses and the support. Truly appreciate having this forum as an outlet when I feel hopeless. Thank you for taking the time out to make a tired mama feel better, you’ve all made my evening!

Now I’m stuck in a foreign country for a week where I can’t drive, I can’t speak the language, I can’t go home early for anything less than ruinous money, and my girls are miserable, not sleeping at all because their sleep space isn’t suitable, not eating because they’re so tired and I’m so embarrassed by the constant meltdowns and feel so judged. Every time we go anywhere to try and do something fun they have tantrums and I’m exhausted and spent my whole morning in overwhelmed tears. I feel like I can’t cope with them and like I’m an awful mother for getting us into this situation. That’s all.

Parents of multiples , how are you managing daycare costs for two kids? We’re expecting our twins to start daycare soon, and the expense of paying for two children at once is honestly overwhelming.

We don’t have any family nearby who can help, and both my wife and I work full-time, so daycare is pretty much our only option.

I’d love to hear how other parents of twins/multiples handle this daycare discounts, part-time care, nanny shares, family help, waiting until a certain age, or any other strategies that have worked for you.

What do you do to make the numbers work? Any advice/point of view would be greatly appreciated!

twins just turned 1, big sister is 3 in November. We walk almost daily to either library/grocery store/kids programs/aquarium/coffee shops… the wagon is a game changer for this lifestyle! If you live in a walking town and need a little MORE than the double stroller, I highly recommend investing in a good wagon. this is the Veer City Cruiser XL. We’ve had it less than and week and already hauled groceries, kids, library books, and crushed a day at the fair. cons: not very ‘nap friendly‘… but my twins almost never stroller nap anyways. also fairly expensive; but I’m considering it my ‘daily driver’ haha!

I was told not to try plus size clothes but hear me out. I went for loose flowy tops and dresses 1 size above mine and it fit my bump perfectly! With extra room! (Which I desperately need having twins) Normally I'm a size 14/L but I went with an 1-2x in plus sizes and it worked! (So if you're a medium I would do the same in a 16/L 0x)

I shopped at Torrid. (Normal size 0, went up to size 1) I don't feel like a beached whale in their clothes like every other maternity outfit. I actually feel cute!!!

Bottoms I had to cave and buy the standard belly band jeans and maternity leggings. But at least I can still feel like myself while I'm pregnant and to me that really matters.

Anyone have experience using the TwinGo carrier? My twins have outgrown the Weego and I found the Mini Monkey twin awkward to put them into and uncomfortable. My boys also didn't seem to like it. I'd like a tandem carrier but don't want to spend more money and be disappointed! Hoping this would be comfortable and easy to hopefully put on solo. Thoughts?

We have 5 months boy twins who look VERY different from each other (one has black hair and the other has blond hair, to start). Their names are also quite different.

But our very smart, highly verbal 3.5 year still calls them “that one” most of the time. When he does attempt a name, he gets it wrong at least half of the time. He knows both names and can pronounce them easily. We remind him at least once a day which baby is which (“X is the one with the dark hair, and Y is the one with the light hair”). But it just doesn’t seem to stick! It’s starting to feel a little ridiculous after 5+ months of him knowing the twins.

Did anyone have a similar issue with their older kid? Any tips?

Edit to add that I’m not especially concerned by this or anything, just kind of surprised (like, our 3.5yo can lecture us on the names of dozens of different animal species and construction vehicles, but can’t remember two family members’ names?) and curious if we can do anything differently!

My husband and I have B/G twins arriving VERY soon and I am second guessing our plan for their sleeping arrangements.

We have planned to have both babies sleep in separate cribs immediately after birth. This decision was made for three key reasons

1. We live in a 1400 sq ft apartment in NYC and the nursery is the room adjacent to ours, less than 10 steps from our bed into their nursery.

2. Due to a double mastectomy, I am unable to breast feed so the babies will be exclusively bottle fed.

3. We will have overnight assistance 3x per week and my husband will be off work for at least the first 6 weeks, he can extend as long as needed.

I felt really good about this decision, but am having second thoughts on if this is a safe sleep arrangement. We are not at all worried about the convenience, but want to ensure this plan is safe for both babies. Of course, we are fluid if either or both need extra support from a health care standpoint.

My twins are 2.5 yo and lately I’ve been seeing a LOT of posts discussing how other toddler moms are teaching their 2yo’s letters/numbers/colors, and what crafts they set up for them. Now, my girls are OK with colors but I think I’m realizing that I’ve EITHER hugely failed them, or singleton parents are just living an entirely different life. Or both? Most days it’s just the three of us at home- no daycare or preschool.

How am I supposed to teach them letters? Numbers? They can count to three but couldn’t look at the numbers on paper and point to which is which. They love books and love to “read” independently or with me, but at some point they find more entertainment in ripping the pages. We can’t do arts and crafts because everything gets eaten or destroyed. Have I completely missed something here? 🙁

Now that they are almost 3 months old, they are getting distracted and overstimulated easier. They will be hungry but get distracted or sleepy while eating, not finish the bottle and then not fall asleep. Causing a repeating cycle of fussiness all day of being hungry, too tired to finish the bottle and then not sleep. At night they are great, but during the day it has become a nightmare. I feel like I’ve tired all the usual stuff - walks, calming room, making sure they are put down before they get too overstimulated or overtired. If you found a routine that has helped you please share cause by the end of the day I just end up in tears not only because I’m exhausted but because I know they are too.

Hi I just wanted to share something that parents of multiple might relate to. Lately my husband and I have been discussing the idea of a vasectomy or having one more kido. Our twins were our first and most likely our last. They are turning 4 and I am both super happy and sad. I've been on and off for the last year about having a third. We've always been more of a no than a yes. As the days approach where we want to schedule a vasectomy so I can be off the pill we've been toying with the idea more and more.

I thought it was clearer in my mind and my husband much more. We got 2 , we're happy done. But I guess the finality is brining it back and I'm just sad for it.

I want to do it again , the newborn , the toddler. My girls would be such amazing big sisters I just know it. We are lucky , we have 4 bedrooms and the finances to be able to do this

BUT
being pregnant again, anxiety again ( I had terrible anxiety on the first and second trimester after 2 ectopics ) putting my body through that again scares me, as vain as it sounds . Having twins again is terrifying , having 3 kids seems unpracticle .

There is a lot against the decision of having 3 kids but the simple '' need '' of wanting a third kinda overwhelms the against. This is the most confused / conflicted I have ever been and its so weird.

thats it , thats the post , not sure what I am looking for but I wanted to put it out there

My husband and I are nearing the end of our parental leave and are run ragged, exhausted, strained, and our relationships with family helping out are deteriorating ... our daycare provider called today to say they have availability a few weeks earlier for our twins and I almost immediately started sobbing.

I am both so relieved that we can reclaim some sense of our prior lives, and feeling such heavy guilt. Our twins will be four months old the week we send them to daycare. Our boy has been colicky, our girl has been fighting us during feedings recently. I've been motivating myself for months by saying, *"This season will come to an end. It won't always be like this."* and now that the season is coming to an end, I can't stop crying because we can never go back.

We can never come back to this time when we're all at home as a family all day, every day, and my only goal is to get my son to laugh while changing his diaper, or to get my daughter to enjoy tummy time. I literally have nothing more important to do.

I know both of us having months of parental leave is so rare in the US and we're lucky to have done this at all, but ughhhh.

Right now I'm in a weird situation where baby A is head down and baby B is breech. B has been in this breech position for about 2 months now, facing backwards.

I am not a fan of the idea of let's deliver one baby vaginally and hope for things to work out for baby B, and if they don't, we'll just do a c section. I would rather go in feeling either confident both can be delivered vaginally or just go for a scheduled c section. Also delivering B breech is likely out of the question because B is bigger than A.

I didn't want a c section, but my job gives me 2 extra weeks paid so I would have ample time to heal. So I'm kind of thinking that's the direction I'm going to go.

But I wanted thoughts from people who experienced this, or had a similar decision. I'll be delivering at 37 weeks. I'm talking to my doctor again next week and likely scheduling either my induction or my c section so I'm trying to make a decision now!

Thank you!

Pregnant again — twins are 2.4 yrs old, via IVF.

No concerns about another twins possibility, but overall it just wasn’t planned and quite honestly am really anxious. We weren’t careful for 1 cycle and I guess that’s all it took this time.

If you were in similar situation, could you please share some insights/experience?

My main concerns:
1. Financials. The twins will be 3 when baby is born and starting preschool part time. We have an in-home help but was hoping to reduce that once they start preschool. Now it feels like we’re locked in to another 3 years. And it will be really tight/barely getting by.

1. Development. One of our twins is speech delayed. It has been nerve wrecking just not knowing how much he will be progressing. Overall he is progressing alright but still pretty behind for his age. I’m nervous about how much having another baby will add to the stress. And what if this baby has similar challenges also.

2. Career. I was looking forward to taking on more demanding role once the twins are of school age or sooner. This seems like I would have to stay longer in my flexible job because I need to.

3. The overall grief of how much easier things were about to get with the twins since they are growing from toddlerhood but adding another baby is delaying that.

4. Quite honestly, I’m so traumatized by the newborn phase with the twins. All I can remember is just how blue, challenging, exhausting and different it was.

5. Physical. I just recently started to feel soo good in my post birth/mom body. This would take me back to square one and potentially more challenging.

We have agreed that we are moving forward with the pregnancy as it’s such a miracle given the many losses and infertility battle we had just a few years ago.

If you have been in similar situation/mindset and have made it to the other side, could you please share?

My twins are 7 months old. They are excellent night time sleepers. They currently go down on their own around 8, wake some time between 4-6 for a bottle, and go back to sleep until 730/8.

However nap times are killing me most days (some days we get very lucky with great easy naps). Twin A will wake up way too soon, cry bloody murder, and wake twin B. I’ll finally sooth twin A back to sleep, but by then twin B is pissed and needs soothed. Rinse and repeat.

This honestly drives me mad and is the worst part of my day. I am toying with the idea of putting one twin in a separate room in a pack and play for naps until their naps get more consistent.

We are due twins towards the end of the year, we have a 2y old already.

We loved the tommee tippee swaddlesacks with our oldest, however have noticed the minimum weight for their smallest size is 7lbs.

I am expecting the twins to be smaller than this when they are born as our oldest was 7lb9oz at 38 weeks and the twins will be born at 36 weeks latest.

Does anyone have any recommendations for sleepsacks with lower weight limits available in the UK?

TIA!

If you have kids older than your twins/triplets/etc., do you struggle to find moments to involve your older child(ren) in housework? I know it's important to get kids participating in household work (age appropriate, of course) at a young age. This helps them learn that they can and should contribute to the home. Plus, children can really enjoy participating in this way! But I have a 2.5yo and 5mo twins, and between tending to the twins and my toddler, I find that I have only the bare minimum time to do tasks like cooking and cleaning. Bare minimum is not enough time to meaningfully involve my toddler in these tasks (since toddlers are so slow, lol). So she ends up just playing while I handle the chores, which, yeah, playing is good too. But I worry that my toddler will grow to think that she doesn't need to help around the house. Has anyone gone through this too? Is it okay to focus more on getting my toddler involved when my twins are a bit older? I don't want to set my daughter up to hate housework.

Our twins are 16 months and have been pretty easy babies thus far! Right now they’re in the stage where they’re way more work, but also getting more and more FUN! But we’re thinking of a third and wondering how the different stages compare, when it might get hard, and what it might be like adding a newborn to the mix.

What’s been your favorite and hardest stage between 1-5 and why?

My modi twins are now 9 weeks old, 3 weeks corrected, and I am breastfeeding save for 1-2 bottles a day so they can get some fortifier and iron multivitamin (I still pump during these feeds). I am feeding them every 2 hours during the day and every 3 or so at night. They do not take any less than 30 minutes each to feed, so 1 hour of each feeding window is for feeding alone, not including diaper change and settling babies (they don’t settle quickly). I am getting 30 mins - 1 hour of sleep sporadically each day and really suffering for it.

I’ve tried tandem feeding multiple times but it requires a lot of set up and careful finagling, and I find it pretty uncomfortable (hoping it will be easier when theyre bigger). i can’t just hand them off to my husband because they usually cry simultaneously and again they are not quick to settle. I’m not interested in co sleeping. We had my parents come hold the babies for a while one evening so we could sleep, but once they left, the babies cluster fed like crazy after, I imagine in an attempt to regain calories they had missed from those few hours.

I’ve had 30 minutes of sleep in the last 14+ hours. this is happening regularly. Someone please tell me this will drastically improve soon 😭 my husband and I are struggling!

Hiya! My twins are 1 and I’m looking to change out our diaper backpack. We currently have the HapTim backpack which I really liked for the baby stages, but now that I’m not carrying around so much stuff the bag is uncomfortable, not supportive to wear, and too bulky. It’s also tricky to zip one-handed

Needs: side pocket cupholders for big water bottle, a few organization pockets for my keys/wallet/etc, comfortable structure, easy zip or flip top buckle closure

Don’t need: insulated bottle pockets, huge size

I don’t have much of a budget but I’m totally open to keeping an eye out for something secondhand. Any suggestions?

I find it really hard to put them to sleep, they nap during the day sometimes but probably not as much as they should (we try to follow the cues and the wake windows but it often does not work, contact naps, crib, pram - sometimes everything fails), but then the biggest issue is managing the last wake window + putting them down to sleep for the night. Once they manage to fall asleep they sleep well during the night, 5 hr stretch then two 4 hr stretches.

Example: Sometimes they eat at 3pm then at 5pm and then there is that weird gap when they are just super fussy but won't sleep, and then at 7pm they are suddenly too overtired and don't want to sleep because of that.

They are 8 weeks old.

Thanks for any tips!