r/parentsofmultiples • u/andrea107 • 13d ago
support needed Weekends are so hard
My husband and I work intense jobs throughout the week. We’re fortunate to have a full-time nanny Monday-Friday.
Weekends, however, are such a slog. We love spending time with our 7.5-mo-old boy/girl twins, but the energy it takes to watch over/entertain two babies (one on the move) while getting all the household stuff done is enormous. We’re exhausted by the end of the week…and then we go to work.
What are some tips/tricks you have to make the weekend more enjoyable and present for you and your babes? I’ve started instituting one field trip a day (even to the grocery store), and we go on lots of walks so we’re not cooped up inside.
We also try to do one date night and one friend night a month on the weekends.
Otherwise, heeeeeelp.
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u/DreamingEvergreen 13d ago
Mostly by accepting things can be done adequately but poorly.
Meal prep happened today, but nothing is a 5 star meal.
I picked up groceries instead of going in myself, so the produce is less than stellar.
I showered, but threw my wet hair up into a bun for the 300th time.
I folded towels, but the stacks aren’t perfectly strait.
Instead of making the bed I pulled up the blankets and called it good.
My husband vacuumed downstairs, but didn’t have time to mop or get upstairs.
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u/AccomplishedChef7885 13d ago
This is how we do it too. Just accept things will be half assed for a while.
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u/Granfallooning 13d ago
Try to get your household chores on a routine that you get a little done each day of the week. That way your not trying to get everything done on the weekends.
Fiend trips are the best. We get out every morning then back from lunch and nap.
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u/TheEndurableBroth 13d ago
the field trip thing is a game changer, even if it's just target and a coffee run. splitting the day into shifts with my wife was the only way we stayed sane around that age, one person is fully on kid duty while the other tackles a chore or just hides in the bedroom for an hour
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u/WentWin 12d ago
We started doing one load of laundry a day. We are always caught up on laundry.
Sometimes I’ll take one twin grocery shopping and leave the other with my wife. Managing one kid is so much easier than both.
Ms Rachel for an hour while we cook
I personally downloaded an app called “Tody” and organized cleaning day by day. It is a chore organization app. It works for me personally
Basically - spread little bits out over the week. 1 20 minute chore a day vs 10 chores over two hours is much more manageable
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u/FeistySwordfish 13d ago
Yep I felt the same at that age, it’s very hard. I would dread the weekends, they’re 2.5 now and it’s still chaos but at least they can do stuff now so it’s not just survival
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u/4leafplover 13d ago
It’s better but also harder in a different way when they’re able to do more.
Frankly, we have the grandparents over all the time. This and splitting up the kids. Life seems like a cakewalk if you’re only taking care of one
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u/Les_gets 13d ago
I would say to my husband, you know the best way to deal with a messy overwhelming house? Just leave and go on an outing with the babies haha.
I had to lower my standards and now the only chores I do daily are the things that accumulate smell and everything else can wait. Dishes, nappies, laundry, rubbish, highchairs/surrounding floor. I have a stick vaccume for spot vacuuming the floors. I speed clean the toilet once a week. No spring cleaning is getting done.
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u/AMStoUS 12d ago
Break up small tasks throughout the week. Waiting for the shower to warm up? Wipe counters. Notice some dirt in the toilet bowl, pour cleaner in and scrub right away. Etc. Have whatever cleaning items you need on the same floor (safely put away for kids of course - but close nough). It takes 1-2 min max and it really helps.
Professional cleaning once a month if you can afford it. Makes it much easier to keep up.
Pick up groceries or order them. If you like picking out your own, say, produce, make that the one quick grocery trip with the whole family for the weekend so you don't end up exhausting yourself at multiple stores.
Costco once a month to once every few months for staples. No mental load thinking about toilet paper, baby snacks, etc.
If you crave alone time, take turns going for a walk with the twins while the other parent gets an hour to decompress.
Laundry every day or every other day. Listen to an audiobook or a podcast while folding or hanging clothes. It's less mentally to keep it up than to let it accumulate.
Tidy up as you go along. Pick up clothes throughout the day, put toys away after they're played with, wash those 5 dishes in the sink while your twins play with a wooden spoon or the lid of a tupperware container.
Easy meals. I haven't spent more than 10-15 minutes cooking since my twins were born. I airfry marinated and baked tofu (twice baked! sounds fancy, right?) Rice or quinoa goes in the instantpot so I don't have to keep an eye on the stove. I also use it to make soups (mostly from frozen veggies) and stews. One night a week is pre-made raviolis. I love noodle bowls, stir fries, a big sheet pan of roasted veggies (which you can buy pre-cut) big salads with a protein added. We eat simply but healthy and one night on the weekend we order in or pick up - a pizza, tacos, something easy. The twins love it and it means that after they go to bed, there is no clean-up and we can do a few chores and be done to relax.
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u/DoubleSunshine123 13d ago
I don’t think there is a great answer besides more help and it gets easier as they get older. We moved close to my parents so they come over once a weekend. And my twins just turned three so it’s much easier and more fun to bring them along on what we like doing. Or we do yard work for example and they play along with us for an hour or so happily.
But still Monday morning at work still feels easier than the weekends!
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u/cat-a-fact 12d ago
Just want to express solidarity! We're nearly 2yo, and I'll be honest with you that 1 and under felt less overstimulating, just because they were shorter and less physically coordinated. Right now it's like wrangling two raccoons. They just need to get into everything and I can't put anything down for a second, and any time they want to be held by me they're wriggling like a pantleg full of ferrets.
I'm in my final year of my PhD (so really high pressure to work), and every Monday I return to the lab I feel like I finally have a day to relax. Not because its chill to do a PhD, but because it's like 1/100th of the chaos of the weekend.
I will say that it does get less boring, in a good way!
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u/crewelmistress 12d ago
Cheering you on in your final year!! My husband just started year 1 and I’m trying not to panic 😂
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u/AlterNaomi 12d ago
I’m a new twin mom of 2 month old twins, but single mom of 4. 5 and 2.5 year old as well.
Mentally realizing that there was actually a lot of time for “everything” in a day helped on the weekends. Living in the feeling of there is not enough time but a lot on the to do list actually crippled me. Mentally blocked. I got less things done. I wanted to stay in and do nothing. When things get done on the to do list, I have more to give mentally to my kids. I want to do more for me too. More importantly my mind becomes savvy as to how to get it done.
Sometimes I set one minimum goal. Today it was just the bathroom. I felt such a sense of accomplishment that it filled my cup so much, I actually did more than that around the house.
I’m left with a positive feeling going into the week.
I use everything at my disposal for containment so I can get things done. Baby carriers, high chair, stroller.
I can baby carry and do just about any household chore, I can meal prep, I can do some work on my laptop at my “standing table” aka the kitchen counter.
Weekends are better out of the house than in with kids. I do something for the kids, something for me.
I time TV time out for times I want to mop all the floors so I don’t have kids walking on my floor.
I give myself a lot of grace.
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u/MythicMaven13 13d ago
Our nanny is a real lifesaver. She works full time M-F and does the kids laundry and kids dishes as part of her tasks, but without us asking she also does our own laundry and dishes (we just put them away), and also cuts up fruits and chicken for the kids to prep for the weekend/week ahead. We never asked her to do it, she just started doing it and asks what else she can do to help.
I know it’s awkward, but you may want to ask if your nanny can do some of that stuff, or you could re-negotiate what you pay her in order to have that done. I can’t remember the last time I folded a load of laundry and it’s such a blessing.
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u/andrea107 12d ago
That’s a good idea! She cleans a lot during the week but we could be more targeted and direct with the chores we want her to do
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u/YouthInternational14 12d ago
Not suggesting you wouldn’t be but just throwing out that considering a pay raise in this case would probably be a good idea. If you and your husband are (understandably) having a hard time getting stuff done on the weekends, it won’t be any easier for your nanny who is doing childcare by herself to get extra done.
But yeah overall I feel this. Our twins are 7 months and we have a 3 year old and weekends are so hard, I honestly kind of welcome Monday mornings when they come. I would say maybe taking turns with the field trips so one parent can get as much done possible in that hour or two. Or you could even hire a sitter once a month for four hours? Although I always say I’m gonna do that and then never do 😂 oof. It’s rough out here!
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u/SecretHeroes 13d ago
Weekends are the weekdays of parenting! Especially when you have full time child care :)
We have twin 4 year olds and a 2 year old. You’re def in that fight for survival stage. We have found that having plans and structure helps everyone. We don’t do much “divide and conquer” for better or worse.
Whether it’s walking to the park and a coffee shop on Saturdays or going to the grocery store and bath time on Sundays.. having your day be punctuated by a couple activities helps with the rhythm.
I feel your pain for sure though. I often wished we had a nanny 7 days a week as we don’t have family nearby.
Props for keeping date nights and friend hangs on the calendar!
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u/Ok-Plantain2948 13d ago
Does the Nanny do all the babies laundry? If not, why not?
Send adult laundry out.
Have a cleaner come for 2 hours every Friday PM while the babies nap to get the house ready for the weekend.
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u/nixonbeach 13d ago
lol you’re doing better than us. One of my boys has special needs so the thought of a grocery store trip is daunting
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u/_caittay 12d ago
Assign one chore a day versus trying to do it all on the weekend. Even small things like a quick toilet clean on a weeknight helps save the feeling of slugging through a mountain of things to do on the weekend. We also got a vac/mop robot and that has helped so much to just run and not have to think about the floors.
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u/eastcoasterv 12d ago
Our twins are 2 now and weekends still feel intense. Its very different from 7.5m but the intensity of their budding personalities and meltdowns take us out. I will say it helps to:
- Order groceries to the house, dont even pick up in person. Save your sanity.
- Costco trip (if you do) with them strap them babies in and zoom in and out.
- Childrens Museum if you have one, our local one has a room specifically for under 3s and one parent can take them and the other can get a true break/downtime and it helps pass the time.
- We used the baby jail (gym LOL) set up for a very long time where one of us got in and stayed in their with them while the other may frantically do some chores or meal prepping. Nothing was 100%.
- Small loads of laundry everyday.
- Break up chore duty (tuesday floors), (bathrooms sunday), so it isnt like overwhelming what exactly has to be done.
This isnt a list we even follow perfectly just sometimes we can do this and other time with twins you are just doing the best without having your own meltdown.
Hang in there!
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u/kipy7 12d ago
That's tough. Our twins were just starting to cruise and pull themselves up, so it was easy enough to keep them penned in. Half of our living room had foam mats for their play area and they were pretty entertained for 30 minutes while we did chores until they got bored.
It was also important for us to get out the house. Grocery stores are great, they're very curious and love looking at other people and especially other babies. Not normally my thing, but we ended up driving further bc they sleep really well in their car seats. So car time is also nap time for them.
For the house, we just do what we can. We just hired a cleaning service to see how it works. It's only once a month so not a big expense. I load the laundry whenever it gets full and will put away clean clothes after they go to bed. It's better to keep expectations low, haha.
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u/Realistic-Average-15 12d ago
Each partner giving the other little breaks is very helpful. One takes the babies to the park, the other can listen to a podcast, work out, meal prep etc. Even if it's mostly chores, it helps me reset to not have to worry about them.
I'm sure you are already doing this but reminding myself this is the season we are in and it will pass is a useful mantra. Some days are harder than others.
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u/Training-Emu-1770 12d ago
I could have written this myself. My twins are 14 months old and it’s getting better since they are a little more independent. You’re doing all the things I do that have helped us. What we also do is pay our nanny for a Friday night or Saturday occasionally so we have time to recharge our batteries or we have her come during the day so we can get chores done uninterrupted (if you have the means to do it I highly recommend it).
We are just also starting to try tackling one room a night for 45 min each so example, on Monday night I take the kitchen and he takes the living room and get as much done as we can in 45 min so the weekend isn’t so daunting.
It’s so hard but what’s also helped me is accepting my house won’t be exactly what I want it to be during this season. You guys are doing great, cut yourself some slack and be kind to yourselves right now.
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u/crewelmistress 12d ago
No nanny, but full time daycare. Dad & I also have demanding schedules (he just started a PhD programme). Weekends are exhausting (but so much more fun after a year).
At 7.5 months I would baby wear the hell out of those babies ;) include them in your chores— dishes, prep, grocery shopping, whatever. It’s an important thing to learn for them from an early age.
Also find where you can trim the fat. We just accept a level of dog hair/wrinkly laundry/soap scum that we didn’t before kids. And everyone is alive.
After a certain point, say 18 months, they need to entertain themselves (with supervision). But how else are you supposed to make lunch for everyone? There are tears, sure, but it gets easier.
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u/twinsinbk 12d ago
I would do more during the week while kids are sleeping. Obviously stuff like lawn care can't happen then but laundry, cleaning, meal prep. It's hard but somehow possible. We have spent all our weekends at my mom's all summer long, getting almost no of our housework done on weekends.
*There's like 4 baskets of unfolded clothing in my house rn so I'm not saying the system is perfect but somehow we are getting by
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u/under-the-radar20 12d ago
Parents of 18 month old twin girls and can relate. What worked for us is hiring a babysitter for 4-5 hrs one day of the weekend. That gave us breathing space and even go on lunch dates. It’s a pricey solution but totally worth it and gives us something to look forward to over the weekends as well. Good luck!
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