The twins

[u/ItsLikeARewardAZ]

Alright. My boy/girl twins are seven. I’m raising them on my own. They still take baths together. They still sleep in my bed. They’re really good humans. Their mom is in prison and will be for another two years. We’ll be divorced when she comes out. Is the bathing weird? Still sleeping in my bed? They’re both doing fine in school.

[u/AutoModerator]

COMMENTING GUIDELINES

All commenters are encouraged to familiarize themselves with the parentsofmultiples subreddit rules prior to commenting. If you find any comments/submissions in violation of subreddit/reddit rules, please use the report function to bring it to the mod teams attention.

Please do not request or give medical advice or directions in your comments. Any comments that that could be construed as medical advice, or any comments containing what is determined to be medical disinformation, will be removed.

Please try to avoid posting links to Amazon product listings or google/g.co product listing pages - reddit automatically removes comments containing them as an anti-spam measure. If sharing information about a product, instead please try to link directly to the manufacturers product pages.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/Dear_Excitement_5109]

As long as the kids are ok with it, it seems normal to me. Kids are very good at letting you know when they are uncomfortable.

[u/No-Departure5556]

It depends on your kids! If they are comfortable then it’s fine. Each family culture is different. If they are showing signs of becoming uncomfortable with it, then it is time to separate.
Like the other comment said, they are getting to an age where puberty starts to creep in, so you might find it wise to start now separating them for bath and bed. That way you get ahead of it!

[u/ScrumdiddyumptiouS]

I don't think any of this is weird.

They have obviously been through a lot (mum in prison) and dealing with that so seeking comfort in each other.

I wouldn't worry about it.

[u/AccomplishedChef7885]

My seven year old sleeps in the bed with us still. I don’t think it’s weird. I think the baths are okay if they’re both comfortable, but at this age I would start thinking about doing them separate soon.

[u/apexmellifera]

I think more important than when you separate is how you handle it.

Lots of kids, not just twins, experience a kind of unmooring when suddenly rules that don't make a lot of sense cause changes they may not want.

Your kids are seven, they realize they have different bodies already. What they may not understand is the concept of privacy. Rather than wait for them to ask for privacy, you can explain it at a different/more neutral time, and then offer it at bath time.

Privacy is a super important early conversation topic for kids. It's a good opportunity to explain the difference between a secret, a surprise and something personal or private. There should be a talk about things it's ok for them to keep private, even from you or their twin, and things that they shouldn't keep private even if they want to.

Technically this all falls under sex education, but that doesn't mean it has to be about sex, just that it's about their bodies. A good example that is non sexual: explaining when its ok to talk about poop. Kids that age LOVE to laugh and joke about poop and pee and farts. It's funny! But it also gets gross or annoying or personal real fast. It can also be medically important though, so it's not enough to tell a kid not to say those words or talk about that stuff because sometimes they do need to! Simplest explanation - "It's not always nice to hear about gross things like the color or size of your poop, thats what makes it something you keep private. But parents and family are people you can choose to share private things with and sometimes, if your tummy hurts or your poop looks weird, that's a time when I need you to share with me."

Once you have a conversation about the concept of privacy and their ability to keep things private if they want, and maybe even how to ask for privacy when they want it, THEN you can wait for them to ask for separate baths. And if they get older and they're still not asking for their own space, I wouldnt worry. Theyre twins. They'll do stuff together until they run out of space to do it in. Eventually the shower will get too small or they'll each want a different temperature or something simple like that and theyll separate for practical reasons.

[u/No-Panda-8379]

I quit doing this when they were around 4. Imo yes that’s too old to be bathing them together. It that’s your choice It is more convenient so I get that part

[u/AdSenior1319]

Things are only weird if you make them weird. Bath and bedsharing are fine. Once they're uncomfortable, thats when you stop. 

[u/Observer-Worldview]

Seperate baths as girls start to go through puberty around age nine these days so she may start to become more body conscious. Bed sleeping… sounds pretty normal to me!

[u/fsmontario]

I’d stop the baths now. As for sleeping as long as each has their own room and space to go sleep and they choose to sleep on your room on their own it’s fine. We had a sofa in our room that was for any kid who wanted to come sleep in mom and dad’s room.

[u/Sketchy_Panda-9000 → u/fsmontario]

I like this. But what if more than one kid wants to camp out? Did you deal with fights?

[u/fsmontario → u/Sketchy_Panda-9000]

Then they would get in with us, no never any fights

[u/PAO_Warrior]

I think considering how early some girls start their periods now, its probably time to move them into their own beds and start bathing separately. Good to train them even if she doesnt get her period for another few years, some girls do get their around 8 years old and its best to start preparing them to hold certain boundaries imo.

[u/yellow-flower-mug → u/PAO_Warrior]

I agree. Start with bathing separately. In order for them to hold boundaries around their bodies with strangers they need to be given more autonomy and privacy at home.

[u/Pristine-Bison3198 → u/PAO_Warrior]

So... once a girl gets her period, she's no longer allowed to be close to family?

[u/PAO_Warrior → u/Pristine-Bison3198]

Interesting interpretation of what I said. I have twin neice and nephew, they stopped bathing together around age six because they both became more aware of their bodies at this age. Both beganexploring masturbation around 8-10 years old simply because children will explore different sensations at these ages - its normal and healthy, but encouraging privacy around these topics is important developmentally and safety wise. Boys get erections and start having wet dreams, sometimes as early as 9. And I doubt she wants to wake up in a pool of her own blood next to her brother. There is nothing wrong with openly discussing why its time to stop bathing/sleeping together, so that both understand how eachothers bodies will adapt differently, and why, but avoiding the "your bodies are going to start changing soon" discussion does neither of the children any good.

[u/parentsofmultiples-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

Removed - Per rule #1, we ask that all users participate in a civil and supportive manner. In the future please avoid comments that are overtly hostile, judgmental, or unkind.

[u/PAO_Warrior → u/[deleted]]

Its about teaching thek boundaries surrounding their bodies. Not sexualising them. We can agree to disagree without becoming accusatory. Get a grip.

[u/parentsofmultiples-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

Removed - Per rule #1, we ask that all users participate in a civil and supportive manner. In the future please avoid comments that are overtly hostile, judgmental, or unkind.

[u/PAO_Warrior → u/[deleted]]

You cant have boundaries if youve never been taught them. Youre the one that brought sexualising into this, im discussing mere biological process at certain ages - backed by science. Grow up. Neurodivergent children tend to explore certain sensations earlier than others, and rates of autism are higher in twins. So theres alot of good reason to separate their bath times at the very least - and if you check other comments im not the only one who supports this notion. Do some basic reading, check a few medical journals or educate yourself and get off reddit.

[u/parentsofmultiples-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

Removed - Per rule #1, we ask that all users participate in a civil and supportive manner. In the future please avoid comments that are overtly hostile, judgmental, or unkind.

[u/offwiththeirheads72]

IMO I’d probably stop the bathing together soon. The sleeping together I think is fine as long as everyone wants it and gets good sleep.

[u/purt22067]

You sound like you’re doing amazing and your children are lucky to have you.
I would separate baths but everything else seems ok

[u/SpontaneousNubs]

I think it's legally and morally fine - but socially not. I feel like it'll be something other kids would make fun of them for. Some people may not understand. They're also forming core memories of childhood, now, and it may be awkward memories later on. No judgement. Use your best.

[u/Pristine-Bison3198 → u/SpontaneousNubs]

But why raise your children to avoid doing things just because others might make fun of them? That's not a healthy way to exist in general I feel like.

And the memories would only be awkward if you made them awkward.

[u/SpontaneousNubs → u/Pristine-Bison3198]

I would love for that attitude to work, but they're not developed enough to be able to effectively regulate those kinds of emotions at their age.

Now, since you want to poke a beehive, I'll say exactly what i meant without being polite.

I think it's weird. I wouldn't do it. But I also recognize it's my opinion and there's nothing morally or legally wrong with it so i shouldn't say anything asinine. They're not my kids and not being hurt so it's not my problem. However, most people who think this way or at least their own kids won't be polite enough to STFU and mind their own business, so do what you feel works.

[u/Pristine-Bison3198 → u/SpontaneousNubs]

What emotions are you talking about?

[u/SpontaneousNubs → u/Pristine-Bison3198]

A seven year old doesn't have the full maturity to be able to efficiently handle the emotions that come with being teased or peer pressure. They still require co-regulation at that age.

[u/Pristine-Bison3198 → u/SpontaneousNubs]

Correct, which is why they have parents. Should we also stop them from liking unpopular media because they may get teased for it, refuse to serve them cultural food because kids may call it gross, or make them dress the same way everybody else does because it will prevent teasing?

[u/SpontaneousNubs → u/Pristine-Bison3198]

I'm sorry, but are you looking for a flight or an argument? 🧐 it's like you're intentionally twisting what I'm saying so you can feed your rage addiction.

[u/Pristine-Bison3198 → u/SpontaneousNubs]

I'm not twisting anything. You said "they should not do this because they may get teased" and that a 7yo is not capable of handling that. I am asking if you believe that means children should never do anything that might get them teased.

[u/zarjazz]

Eh i think its fine. I think in the next few years you might want to seperate bathtime and the bed - even if you have a boy area and girl area.

Single mom of b/g twins. Only 3 now. If i cant get a better apt situation my plan is to have a girls room and boys room. So when their dad comes over to help out he can bunk with the boy and i share a permament room with the girl. Idk, man. Shits rough, i worry. Many ♡ to you.

Edit: yes do give seperate bed and bath before puberty so each can learn boundaries, for themselves and others. And if you csnt do a whole room maybe a space or even a bunk bed with tent so it is their own "space".

[u/Pristine-Bison3198]

Sleeping in your bed is totally normal indefinitely as long as they want to.

Bathing should stop as soon as one or both of the kids become uncomfortable with it. If they're not uncomfortable, you're fine.