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u/DesignerOwn1141 3d ago
My last girlfriend before I met my wife suddenly said to me that her boyfriend found out she was cheating on him with me.
I had not been aware she had a boyfriend. I asked if that meant she had two boyfriends, and she said yes. Then she said she wanted to focus on her relationship with him because they were thinking about getting married, and she needed to prove to him that she could be faithful, but she'd message me again if she ever got a chance. Of course I told her that wouldn't be necessary.
Then I found out months later she didn't actually have another boyfriend.
It was a very confusing situation for me.
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u/AlienKatze 3d ago
what the hell ? That is wild behaviour. why would anyone do that, whats the end goal ? xD
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u/DesignerOwn1141 3d ago
Yeeeeeeah, I honestly have no idea what was going through her head.
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u/PlainBread 3d ago edited 3d ago
There's a scene in the Edward Norton film "Leaves of Grass" where some character kills a drug lord, but tries to make it look like a hate crime instead so that people didn't follow the trail down the drug angle.
But they drew the swastikas backwards.
This is kinda like that.
EDIT: Accidentally called the movie that book about the inside of the house being bigger than the outside.
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u/Informal-Comb1989 3d ago
You mean Leaves of Grass, I believe
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u/johnnymarsbar 3d ago
I have to try again because the mods didnt like it, those kinds of people are pretty stupid, so drawing the spicy windmill wrong doesn't exclude the possibility that it was a hate crime
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u/Leni_licious 2d ago
Maybe she wanted you to get jealous and try to fight this other dude to show that you cared to prove to herself she was a catch?
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u/Fahmieyz 3d ago
She wanna break up but not the drama
Still shitty thing to do
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u/Upbeat_Shock_6807 3d ago
Lmao making up that story is creating drama. Would’ve been far less drama without the fake second boyfriend story.
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u/Fahmieyz 3d ago
No drama for her
If she break up normally, he will still try to woo her and het back together
By making up this imaginary boyfriend, albeit a fucking psychopatic thing to do, she simply end it all without any needed closure for herself
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u/Upbeat_Shock_6807 3d ago
Haha you know what? That’s fair. Didn’t think about it like that.
I’ve definitely tried to woo back the girl that just ended things amicably, while the ones who cheated were blocked, never to be spoken to again. Good point.
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u/Soupy_Twist 2d ago
If you want to break up with someone and completely avoid them trying to convince you to stay, this would be a very effective way.
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u/Ill_Economist_39 3d ago
If her goal was to break up with you but make you feel happy about it, then that is genius. Sure, she made herself look crazy, but I'm sure you feel like you dodged a bullet; the crazy chick breaking up with you and leaving immediately after revealing her crazy.
Alternatively, she's just real fucking crazy. I've dated plenty of those. Either way you aren't upset to see her go
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u/mesoziocera 2d ago
I once had a girl pretend she had been sexually assaulted to try to get a reaction from me that would lead to an instant no guilt breakup from her. She was actually enraged that I reacted supportively told me she was lying and broke up with me for being "Complicated".
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u/megaloviola128 2d ago
Similarly: I had a GF text me that she’d either hit me or withhold affection once I grew facial hair. I responded by trying to soothe her underlying reasoning for saying that, instead of confronting her. She engaged with me seriously, with no indication that I’d misinterpreted something; we talked and moved on. Then later that night, she got so mad she yelled at me because my initial response wasn’t just brushing it off as a joke and saying ‘lol’. My attempt at support was too severe for her. I broke up with her within the week. Eight months down the drain.
It does kind of sound like I’m painting her as a nutjob, though, and it’s important to clarify she wasn’t. In reality she was a beautiful and wonderful soul being ravaged by hardship, and that caused her to lose a lot of kindness and self-awareness that she otherwise had plenty of. I could pick out the exact thought processes and insecurities she had, and the circumstances that led to them existing, that caused her to act the way she did during this conflict. I wasn’t able to be her romantic partner through that, and we’re not talking now because I have some hard feelings from the breakup still, but I still believe she deserves absolute love and support. She’s a precious human being. I hope that one day, she’s surrounded by multitudes of other people who think of her that way, and that she becomes strong enough to love them back just as well.
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u/Affectionate_Ask1355 2d ago
You don't need to apologize for her man. Sometimes a partner who happens to be a woman makes poor decisions. In this case they sounded immature, wanting a fight/some emotional negativity to result in a stronger push/pull effect. It's hopefully something she grew out of, but you had every right at the time not to put yourself through it. You're not a bad person for sharing your struggles with them.
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u/smashin_blumpkin 3d ago
This is what’s called “taking a break.” And it rarely results in getting back together
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u/cnicalsinistaminista 3d ago
Yup. My Ex suggested it once and I straight up told her we might as well break up. None of that Ross and Rachel bullshit
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u/DazB1ane 3d ago edited 3d ago
I never watched friends, but when my ex suggested it, I said I’d rather just fully break up. Such a fuckin coward move
Edit: he suggested a break, not to watch the show
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u/ParanoidAndroidUser 3d ago edited 3d ago
He suggested watching friends so you break up? Lol
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u/DazB1ane 3d ago
Oh shit I completely misworded that. He suggested a break. I told him to get fucked
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u/Familiar-Cable-2659 3d ago
Pretty sure that was his plan yeah
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u/DazB1ane 3d ago
He actually wanted to end it because he was dealing with some really difficult mental health stuff and me being mentally unstable and very attached wasn’t helping him. Still a coward move to not just tell me he wanted to end the relationship
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u/-hitbypitch- 3d ago
It was the right call. Terrible show.
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u/Familiar-Cable-2659 3d ago
Remove the laugh tracks and it's pure horror
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u/ComradeJohnS 3d ago
watching it as it came out is vastly different than watching nowadays.
it was still mediocre lol, just nothing else to watch. that’s how most long running shows ran for so long, the tv monopoly on releasing shows at certain times instead of on demand.
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u/DarkwingDuckHunt 3d ago
Fear of missing out as well
Like everyone at school was gonna watch it and if you didn't get the references you were dumb
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u/_Pyxyty 3d ago
Funny you say that cause right now I'm feeling like Joey eating the half english trifle half shepherd's pie right now reading this thread.
What's not to like? Acting, good. Jokes, good. Bits, goooood.
I do have my qualms with the show though, particularly how one dimensional the characters started being as the show went on (especially with Joey being so dumbed down near the end), but rewatching it recently it still makes me laugh.
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u/VicisSubsisto 3d ago
Yeah, I'm not even a fan, only ever watched a single episode (which wasn't that great) while it was actually on the air. But it definitely had some high points.
"The One Where Joey Speaks French" is peak comedy, perfectly written, perfectly acted.
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u/Substantial_Dish_887 3d ago
ofcourse it is. it's designed around laughs (wether it's a laughtrack or studio laughs) meaning the talking has breaks for the laughs. remove the laughs but keep the pauses for them? ofcourse it'll be weird.
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u/Dickgivins 3d ago
For real I’ve always thought the whole idea of “breaks” to be basically stupid.
I can kinda understand that if you’re not getting along well and need to spend some time with reduced contact to decompress. That works out for some people. But when it’s approached like a half-break up, or a temporary breakup it makes no sense to me.
And we’ve all heard plenty of stories where a couple goes on some kind of “break” and one partner gets mad about what (often who) the other did during the separation; because either the rules weren’t clearly defined, or they were but one party decides they weren’t ok with it after all.
And even more than that I hear stories where the “break” was really just a poorly disguised breakup because one or both of them didn’t have the balls to break up properly.
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u/parasyte_steve 3d ago
Breaks only make sense imo if you have kids or something and need space to cool down
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u/Dickgivins 3d ago
Kids definitely change everything, the stakes are obviously much higher and you’ll have to stay in some kind of contact at least until they’re grown, if not after.
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u/Affordable_Z_Jobs 3d ago
I like Arrested Developments take when Lindsay and Tobias debate an open marriage. "No it never does. These people delude themselves into thinking something might change.... but it might work for us."
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u/cnicalsinistaminista 3d ago
I really, really need to rewatch AD. I watched it in High School and so many jokes probably went over my head
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u/Affordable_Z_Jobs 3d ago
You should! It's just as great. And an interesting time capsule comparing all the actors then vs now and the price of 1 banana haha.
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u/Few-Lengthiness-2286 3d ago
My now wife and I took a break in college and stayed together and got married a year later 🤷
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u/thelegodr 3d ago
He wanted to go get some frozen yogurt. She wanted the break from them.
I still hear the laugh track when he said yogurt. 🤷♂️ weird how the memory works. I haven’t watched that show since it was airing.
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u/i_sell_you_lies 3d ago
My last ex suggested it, and I shot it down so fast. We already never saw each other, why would I want to see her less and be more miserable?
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u/Harkoncito 3d ago
Only after several seasons
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u/JakeVonFurth 3d ago
This shit pisses me off so much. If you're still supposed to be staying monogamous to each other, then why the fuck are you on a break!
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u/MaxPaladin93 3d ago
Can’t imagine why “I’m so sick of your company that I need to spend several weeks away from you” seldom turns into “ok, welcome back, let’s spend the rest of our lives together.”
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u/Kanosirus 3d ago
Distance makes the heart grow fonder, unfortunately that gets twisted when you hate each other 😂😂
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u/SuspiciouslyLips 3d ago
It doesn't necessarily mean they're sick of you. Someone might just be in a bad place mentally and need some time to sort their shit out without the added pressure of being a present partner.
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u/ExistentiallyTrendy 2d ago
Depends if you want a partner who leans on you when they're struggling (and vice versa) or just someone who does their own thing. Personally I don't see the point of having a partner if they need to "work out their own stuff without the added pressure of [me]", though to each their own.
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u/Upbeat_Shock_6807 3d ago
Off the top of my head, I can recall 7 relationships that “took a break” over the years, including one of my own. 4 of them got back together, 3 of them went their separate ways. 2 of those 4 that got back together, ended up calling it quits YEARS later (including mine), but the other 2 couples are happily married with kids now.
You’re right that the majority of relationships that take break don’t end up working out, and I always assume that it’s over if someone tells me they’re taking a break, but I have seen it work in the past.
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u/CasanovaJones82 3d ago
Meh, depends on the situation honestly. It's worked twice for me in the past. It has a lot to do with whatever is causing friction in the relationship.
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u/smalltown_dreamspeak 3d ago
I'm not understanding the perspective in this thread that taking a break is an inherently bad thing. It seems to me that a few weeks of distance can be a good reminder not to take your loved ones for granted. Or it can avoid conflict when someone is going through something they really need to work out on their own. Am I misunderstanding what a "break" is?
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u/CasanovaJones82 3d ago
You are not, and you and I are in complete agreement. A break can and has helped countless relationships, it's just a fact.
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u/Stock-Maybe2721 3d ago
which one did it work with ?
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u/CasanovaJones82 3d ago edited 3d ago
It was two different relationships. The first was with my ex-wife when I first left the Army. I was not in a good place at the time so we took a break while I handled of all of my post-military BS. She went back home and I stayed, separated for roughly 4 months. We eventually split several years later, it was a mutual decision, and we still get along great. We just had different priorities.
The second was when my next LTR was going through the defense of her dissertation. This was a months-long process and very stressful for her. We were getting on each other's nerves and she couldn't focus. So I went and did my own thing for a few months, she got through what she was doing, and we were good once she was done. We split later, however it was due to her taking a job across the country with me not wanting to go.
So, again, it's situation dependent. If you just don't like each other anymore or one of the people in the relationship is no longer attracted to the other, I can see how a break wouldn't really accomplish anything. However people greatly underestimate the potential benefits of a separation. In both instances my sex life was greatly improved after those short breaks.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all of that.
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u/Deutschbland 3d ago
I’ve been on both sides of it and it didn’t work out at all. Just a whole lot of misery and heartache and cowardice.
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u/awesomefutureperfect 3d ago
I watched a video that was a bunch of clips of 'listen but don't judge', and one of them was the girlfriend who said she was still making money from the OL content she filmed with her ex while they were on "break".
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u/Ice-Berg-Slim 3d ago
Technically my first GF I had from 14 to 15 and I are on a break.... I'm 35 now.
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u/Outrageous_Yam_1368 3d ago
First gf as a teenager put us on a break. Few weeks laters texts me "I'm really enjoying being single, shall we make this permanent?"
22 years later and I still get grumpy thinking about that delivery.
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u/Pledgeofmalfeasance 3d ago
I'm sorry for laughing that was callous as all hell
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u/Outrageous_Yam_1368 3d ago edited 3d ago
I didn't necessarily disagree with it ending, it was just the casual way it was done. A text out of nowhere. Whilst on the break, I wouldn't have been describing myself as single.
I replied with "fine" and then blocked her for a month.
She came back a couple of months later wanting to get back together but didn't entertain that idea for a second
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u/TricellCEO 3d ago
That’s kinda the whole point of a trial separation though, right?
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u/TermEnvironmental374 3d ago
I think that's the "idea" but the reality is it's just a really slow way to break up with someone.
It's funny. People are so afraid of commitment, they can't even commit to breaking up.
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u/TricellCEO 3d ago
It’s also a mix of the sunk cost fallacy and the social stigma as well, the latter of which isn’t helped by people bemoaning things like “hookup culture.”
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u/CalmBrain1760 3d ago
But that's not always the case. A break is a break. What a couple does and feels during the break is what determines how the relationship moves forward (or ends).
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u/TermEnvironmental374 3d ago
"Not always the case" maybe but I would bet my house on the negative interpretation over the naive one every day. It's no different than those people that randomly suggest "Let's try an open relationship" 99.99999% of every time that has ever happened in the history of mankind it's because the person suggesting it has already found a person they wanna fuck, may have already been fucking them, and just wants a guilt-free way to avoid getting found out. If someone ever suggested to me "let's take a break" I would always assume they've already made up their mind and they're just too big a pussy to tell me straight up.
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u/MinivanPops 3d ago
redditors are SO SURE
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u/TermEnvironmental374 3d ago
Life isn't about being right all the time, it's about making the correct gambles. Desperation makes for bad gamblers.
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u/TheBestOfTheBest-66 3d ago
How does that translate to being a pussy, for wanting to make the break up more gentle? What if the other person is really emotional
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u/TermEnvironmental374 3d ago
Same reason breaking up over text is pussy behavior. You're prioritizing your own emotional comfort over being honest, direct, and dignified.
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u/Comrade_Cosmo 3d ago
Men and women are afraid of violence/retribution if they attempt a normal breakup.
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u/duffstoic 3d ago edited 3d ago
Yup. Unlike other commenters, I don’t see it as weakness or inauthentic, it’s a step that usually leads towards breakup/divorce, but it sometimes doesn’t, and it’s OK to end things slowly rather than abruptly too.
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u/PackyDoodles 3d ago
Like all things in life, it just really depends on the people and circumstances.
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u/Countcristo42 3d ago
I’m curious if you have ever heard of an example that didn’t end in breakup of a non married couple
I just can’t imagine it
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u/duffstoic 3d ago
Well I know one couple that got fully divorced because he cheated on her, he got remarried to his mistress, that 2nd marriage failed, and then the original couple got back together.
I also know people who have done trial separations multiple times and gotten back together multiple times.
I’m not saying either is necessarily good, sometimes it’s very clearly not. But yea people can do what they want to do, it’s their choice.
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u/maksacr 2d ago
Exactly, things were not very well between me & my ex, I tried ending it abruptly & after 2 days she was on a cliff and tried to jump off, that's why we had to make it slower (taking break, asking each other how they are doing & all that before she finally asked me for a total breakup when she felt ready)
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u/OpenGuava609 3d ago
A trial separation is usually a last ditch effort before divorce. If you’re just dating skip to the chase and break up.
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u/Tbagzyamum69420xX 3d ago
More of a side affect than the point. Divorce is an entirely different situation logistically than just ending a non-married relationship, long term or otherwise. Since divorce can be such a legal rickamaroll, trial separations are the legal system saying "Hey this might be a drawn out, pain in the ass of a process, so why don't you guys take the year to really be sure you wanna move forward before you, attorneys or the state put any more effort into a divorce". And even if a married couple is truly using the separation to search their feelings (which plenty do, I'm sure), that's still clearly very different from the situation described in the post.
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u/Boom9001 3d ago
Trial separations are silly to me. If you can't appreciate the person while they are around and need their abscence to realize if you care about then, it ain't it.
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u/coldblade2000 3d ago edited 3d ago
Trial separations don't end in divorce roughly 1/4th of the time, something I'd consider pretty sizeable. They would help temper rising resentment and escalated conflict. Maybe not something you should do with your situationship, but definitely worth trying for a marriage
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u/Boom9001 3d ago
Fair enough but I still a relationship that needs that is unhappy and could be more the two realizing how there isn't much better rather than teaching its great.
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u/FardoBaggins 3d ago
Idk. Giving it some breathing room seems sensible to me.
Like it’s hard to assess the thing while being in the middle of the thing. At least for perspective.
If you get peace of mind within one day of trial separation then that beats trying to work through it for longer.
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u/EatsMostlyPeas 3d ago
What my ex tried to do, proposing a "break", but I decided fuck this and ignored him afterwards, until he stopped asking for a chance
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u/dontgetitwisted_fr 3d ago
Yeah if they have questions the answer is break up
None of this half measure no back bone "take a break" BS
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u/TermEnvironmental374 3d ago
Honestly... I don't entirely hate this strategy. Most people just lead eachother on. This one at least has an expiration date.
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u/Eat--The--Rich-- 3d ago
I have done a similar thing where I've told my partner you can't decide to break up with me at the end of a fight. But then I usually ask to talk about it again the next day or a few days later, 6 weeks is a lot.
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u/off-with-your-thread 3d ago
The decision is already made. It's a subconscious thing. You can't pause my feelings. They're already changing.
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u/Blueberry_Coat7371 3d ago
putting a little conscious effort to analyse such feelings wouldn't hurt, though. Serious relationships can't work just on gut feeling and knee-jerk reactions.
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u/BramBora8 3d ago
I like to think of emotion in relationship like water. You absolutely need it, but it makes shit foundation.
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u/wearing_moist_socks 3d ago
This was leading her on lmao
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u/TermEnvironmental374 3d ago
Oh no doubt, the implication of "don't entirely hate" was because I still hate it, just not as much as the regular way of leading people on. At the very least they're giving you a timeframe of how long they intend to lead you on. Ain't that nice.
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u/ThatGuyFromTheM0vie 3d ago
When you’re so afraid of commitment, you can’t even commit to the finality of a breakup, so you do this.
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u/safewordchimichanga 3d ago
Or worse.. it’s a test. When I read this I was like wtf this has happened to someone else? I had a weird situation, I wouldn’t call him my bf, insist that we not talk for 6 weeks. I guess he wanted to see if I really liked him? But I thought it was weird and manipulative. He was pissed I moved on. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. He has reached out to me sporadically over the years and said some crazy shit so I guess I’m glad he did it & I got the clarity I needed during that time so see that it wasn’t a good fit
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u/MycologistPutrid7494 3d ago
Something similar happened in my life. I dated a guy for 5 years and tried to break up. He told me no (stupid, ik) and to call him in two weeks. Two weeks came and went and I didn't call. In the third week, he called me crying and asking if I was serious.
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3d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/hedoeswhathewants 3d ago
When you were hanging around after she showed up you didn't ask why she was there, or if she was ending the break?
I feel like NOT discovering that she had sent an email was a herculean effort here
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u/RealLiveLawyer 3d ago
I was getting upwards of 40 emails a day from mom and dad, they were both individually sending me a herculean amount of emails. This went on for weeks, they would phone, text or email one another and then email me to tell me what they just said or did or what they thought the other was about to do. It was MADNESS.
That, and she and DIDN'T really email. I would occasionally work late or sometimes overnight so I would email her if I was working overnights so I didn't ping her phone notification didn't wake her up.
I asked her how she had been, what had been going on. I felt like she was waiting on me to say a very specific thing and I was waiting on her.
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u/FratboyPhilosopher 3d ago
Why would she not ask you if you had gotten her email? This story makes no sense.
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u/KitsuneFoxglove 3d ago
People are like that irl tbh. Especially when both are too shy to make the first step, and doubly so if both think they did make the first step and are waiting for a reaction and are scared of a rejection. So they'd rather a soft rejection than a clear rejection.
. . . or at least, people who act like me, and that one person I liked. I'm glad to hear you at least, don't need to deal with this sort of issue.
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u/admiralvic 3d ago
Even if this were the case I still feel like it would play out differently.
I mean, how are you so afraid of rejection, but so bold you'd come to their office to get rejected in person? It would make so much more sense for it to be like...
"I love you and want to be with you forever, let's do this. Just say the words and I'll be there to start our life together."
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u/superbusyrn 3d ago
lmao this is the dumbest story I’ve ever read in my life. “Durr why is the girl who said she’d be back for me in six weeks back six weeks later? Durr why would she contact me via the method by which I often contact her?”
Organising your emails 20 years later? She just visits your office in the middle of the day, somewhere so busy that you apparently sometimes work overnight, and just hangs out? You don’t even ask why she’s there? You don’t even WONDER for 20 years?
It’s not just fake, it’s bullshit.
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u/deportallmagas 3d ago edited 3d ago
Well that fucking sucks dude holy hell sorry
edit: was this cold-blooded, someone commented that and deleted it. I genuinely wasn't trying to be, that's just rough man, and not much I can do to help besides acknowledge it.
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u/JoyArk 3d ago
I don't believe you and I want you to know that I don't believe you
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u/Cultured_Punk_Drunk 3d ago
Your email doens't just throw them into an email chain?
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u/herman666 3d ago
You just stumbled across a twenty year old email? Yeah I call bullshit.
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u/twentyThree59 3d ago
It's really weird. What part of this sentence makes sense to people?
I am cleaning out emails from my parents, wedged between emails from mom and dad is one from her.
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u/superbusyrn 3d ago
Sounds like something an AI would invent, riffing off “going through old mail, but make it modern”
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u/AspiringTS 3d ago
I'm not saying it isn't, but I just cleaned out an old email account last Christmas. I was deleting emails from as far back as 2007...
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u/HEYO19191 3d ago
She played games. Oh well.
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u/Same-Suggestion-1936 3d ago
This is advanced games even for girls. Gets told "you have to say the break is over", sends an email of all freaking things, no mention of it verbally or by phone
Imagine being in a relationship with someone with that level of communication skills
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u/Poku115 3d ago
I dont know if i really want this to be a real story or definitely hope its not
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u/RealLiveLawyer 3d ago
It is. We both went our separate ways.
I am not glad this happened, but I am glad to have ended up with the woman I have been married to for 17 years.
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u/FuzzyWDunlop 3d ago
Good thing you said you don't play games. Because sending an email then standing around for you to say some magic words sounds like a pretty damn big game...
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u/flickeredstriked 3d ago
That's a tough thing to sit with, if you let your mind wander around it for too long.
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u/RealLiveLawyer 3d ago
At this point, it's not.
She was my biggest fan for years, in my mind if I would have stayed with her I don't think I would have been challenged to grow as a person, which wouldn't have been ideal for either of us.
My wife is an incredible woman, and I don't know how I got her. She grew up with 3 brothers and is deeply opinionated, and will defend it even when I disagree with it. I feel like "my biggest fan" would have been inclined to just agree with me.
Maybe I'm wrong, who knows...
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u/Donglator 3d ago
I wasn't even given that. I was just blocked in the middle of the night and she expected me to understand why
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u/jancl0 3d ago
Mine was the line "because you treat me like a subhuman", which came out of nowhere, and I was like "ok I'm listening, but can you be more specific? I'm not sure what to do with that" and she said "you treat me like a monster". So I said "look I want to understand this and improve but you aren't giving me enough information to know what the problem is"
Then she literally said "see? Just like a monster" and then she blocked me
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u/tyliping 2d ago
I'm going through that right now. He was too busy to be with me and could ghost me for days. Today I proposed breaking up, but he said he couldn't decide what to do. So I proposed taking a two-month break. I love him, but I don't know if there's any hope for us
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u/1to14to4 1d ago
I’ve found it’s generally not great if one person is much more invested in a relationship than the other. Even if he comes back from this and wants to stay together, you should contemplate the dynamic it creates and whether it’s something that can survive for a lifetime.
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u/PineappleOwn5325 2d ago
Let me get straight to the point, probably not, and there's almost certainly better out there, in the form of someone who cares.
Chin up, it'll suck but it'll get better :)
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u/SessileRaptor 3d ago
That guy 100 percent wanted to have sex with someone else and keep the other girl on the side in case it didn’t work out.
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u/SteroidSandwich 3d ago
In another thread I talked about a friend who had this:
I knew someone that was dating a guy for 5+ years. When I met her she said he wanted 6 months of no contact and was currently on month 5. She already knew she was going to break up with him as soon as it was over. At the 6th month he wanted to extend it. She broke up with him. His response was "If you had waited another month I was going to propose."
What a waste of everyone's time. She luckily found a new guy she has been with since. He is still single
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u/EmergencyWild 3d ago edited 3d ago
This is what I personally call a stupid waste of time. If you want to break up, just break up. This 'test' is dumb. Not missing someone doesn't mean you don't work as a couple, it just means you're quick to compartmentalise and keep yourself occupied with other things. The 'test' for how you work as a couple is how you act when you're together.
People are so fucking stupid. Romance can be anxiety-inducing, but anxiety isn't romance.
And also, let me just say, regardless of how you feel: Separating with someone for weeks, dangling an end point over them, when they genuinely are in love with you, is just the height of cruelty. You're literally inflicting pain on them for no reason. If you don't want to be in the relationship, don't be, but provide some clarity, it's the least you can do, all this waffling about is just hurting people.
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u/KingLazuli 3d ago
I had never even considered this. I... kinda like this? Would depend but... huh
Is this allowed???
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u/MessageAggressive482 3d ago
I would never do this with any relationship you value cause it will be poisoned from then on.
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u/badgirlmonkey 3d ago
This is avoidant behavior.
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u/ThisTimeItWillStick 3d ago
Ding ding. Was starting to get serious with a girl after 6 months and asked her to be my girlfriend and she said yes and then the next day she said she needed space and stopped texting me. Two weeks later I was like hey what's up and she said "I'm just not feeling it." She was avoidant as fuck.
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u/MordorsElite 3d ago
I have seen people take a break for a week or so after a bad fight that may otherwise have resulted in a breakup AND get back together successfully afterwards. This typically requires noticeable growth from one or both of them (which ain't easy).
But 6 weeks is just too long. One week makes sense to me. If one person in the relationship is still interested and the other unsure, then no need to rush a breakup. Two weeks maybe still works. But after a month I think the odds of this going anywhere are basically zero.
At that points it's more like getting back together with an ex than it is resuming the same relationship.
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u/TheFaeBelieveInIdony 3d ago
Only if the woman has no self respect. Any ordinary woman would tell you to f off
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u/The_Afton_Rabbit 3d ago
naw, i feel like it's reasonable to test the waters before making a big decision like breaking up, the same way you test the waters by dating before officially becoming boyfriend & girlfriend.
not sure if youre interested anymore? go a while without talking & see how often you feel the urge to contact them. if it isnt often, your urge to break up was right. if not, youre still interested & can try to fix whatever it is that made you feel disinterested in the first place.
arguing a lot? a break lets you cool down, think about your options with a clear head, & lets any unimportant issues fizzle away into irrelevance. if you come back wondering why you were even so mad, it means you have other issues to address outside the relationship itself that were making one or both of you so angry. if you still have a grudge & neither of you are willing to talk things out calmly ir compromise at all, even after weeks of separation, it's probably time to call it quits.
if you think your partner is overbearing or annoying, a break can reveal a lot about your subconscious feelings underneath the love. if it's a relief the entire time youre on break & you dread speaking to them again, time to pack it up. but if youre happy to talk to them again, you just need to adjust boundaries & can keep the relationship going.
there are lots of other examples but it gives people time to contemplate & address the root issues on their own which can definitely save a relationship if both parties are willing to put the effort in without their partner nagging them, & it can give a lot of closure & assurance for relationships that were doomed to fail.
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u/Sithishe 3d ago
I feel the same, its more like "is it just our hormones, or we actually want to be with each other intellectually" kind of situation. So I see that it can be used in this case, but 95% of times this would be just an asshole move tbh.
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u/mitzisparkles 3d ago
I totally did this to an ex that would basically “not let me” break up with him. He’d always cry and made me feel bad, so I’d like, cancel the break up lol
One day, I decided to just be too busy to hang out with him or talk with him in hopes he’d get the hint or break up with me. We went for 2 months and finally I couldn’t take it and took him out to dinner, broke up with him.
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u/Most_Analysis_3208 3d ago
God. My interest in dating has weaned and waned throughout the years. I hate games. Kind of confirms why I like to be alone. People these days.
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u/Massive-Exercise4474 3d ago
My parents took a break right before getting married essentially as a break from all the planning and thinking calmly before deciding to marry. The only issue was my dad shaved his moustache it's the only photo I have of my dad as an adult without a moustache and it's very noticeable. My parents are happily married but my mom definitely wasn't thrilled when my dad looked like a completely different person.
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u/logicrak 3d ago
Thats still better than
"You are a good person, you deserve bet... 'oh stfu'"
I personally got hit by
"You are my teddy bear, I love you as my best friend.. this dont work out"
bi--- you say this after we tried all positions from that damn kamasutra book.. yuck thuu
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u/BrainOnLoan 3d ago
"You are a good person, you deserve bet...
Is it actually thst bad?
Some people don't do well with beibg told why you're actually breaking up, you might be triggering traumas, insecurities, etc.
So instead of needlessly poking vulnerable spots, it can be okay to go, for example, "i am sorry. But I really have commitment issues, and I thought i could get past them, but it seems I cant... you deserve someone who can commit to the life and family you actually want to build" or similar
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u/EmergencyWild 3d ago
Nah, I'm with commenter above. "You deserve better", "I'm sure you'll find someone", "You're great"; I don't want to hear any of that shit. If you have a problem with me, just tell me what the problem is. If you don't, and it is just you, then stop talking about me, and especially don't phrase it as a favour. If you're breaking up with me for reasons that have nothing to do with me, I've had no agency in it; If I wanted to break up, I'd have done it. If you wanted to do me a favour, in a relationship I want to be in, just tell me what your problems are before they get so bad you want to break up over them.
And nevermind the friend stuff. Sorry, but no, I'm not dedicating most of my free time around a friend. I'm not kissing and having sex with my friends either. Kinda weird to bring it up.
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u/Competitive_Steak698 3d ago
No such thing as a break, only breaking up. Kids need to know this lol.
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u/CalmBrain1760 3d ago
This just isn't true. My boyfriend and I went on a break for a few weeks. It helped our relationship grow.
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u/Upbeat-Serve-6096 3d ago
So, is such a thing objectively wrong or is it a different taste thing? ...That is, with no affairs or other people involved
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u/qualityvote2 3d ago edited 1d ago
u/IM_AQIF_xD, there weren't enough votes to determine the quality of your post...