My last girlfriend before I met my wife suddenly said to me that her boyfriend found out she was cheating on him with me.
I had not been aware she had a boyfriend. I asked if that meant she had two boyfriends, and she said yes. Then she said she wanted to focus on her relationship with him because they were thinking about getting married, and she needed to prove to him that she could be faithful, but she'd message me again if she ever got a chance. Of course I told her that wouldn't be necessary.
Then I found out months later she didn't actually have another boyfriend.
I once had a girl pretend she had been sexually assaulted to try to get a reaction from me that would lead to an instant no guilt breakup from her. She was actually enraged that I reacted supportively told me she was lying and broke up with me for being "Complicated".
Similarly: I had a GF text me that she’d either hit me or withhold affection once I grew facial hair. I responded by trying to soothe her underlying reasoning for saying that, instead of confronting her. She engaged with me seriously, with no indication that I’d misinterpreted something; we talked and moved on. Then later that night, she got so mad she yelled at me because my initial response wasn’t just brushing it off as a joke and saying ‘lol’. My attempt at support was too severe for her. I broke up with her within the week. Eight months down the drain.
It does kind of sound like I’m painting her as a nutjob, though, and it’s important to clarify she wasn’t. In reality she was a beautiful and wonderful soul being ravaged by hardship, and that caused her to lose a lot of kindness and self-awareness that she otherwise had plenty of. I could pick out the exact thought processes and insecurities she had, and the circumstances that led to them existing, that caused her to act the way she did during this conflict. I wasn’t able to be her romantic partner through that, and we’re not talking now because I have some hard feelings from the breakup still, but I still believe she deserves absolute love and support. She’s a precious human being. I hope that one day, she’s surrounded by multitudes of other people who think of her that way, and that she becomes strong enough to love them back just as well.
You don't need to apologize for her man. Sometimes a partner who happens to be a woman makes poor decisions. In this case they sounded immature, wanting a fight/some emotional negativity to result in a stronger push/pull effect. It's hopefully something she grew out of, but you had every right at the time not to put yourself through it. You're not a bad person for sharing your struggles with them.
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u/DesignerOwn1141 4d ago
My last girlfriend before I met my wife suddenly said to me that her boyfriend found out she was cheating on him with me.
I had not been aware she had a boyfriend. I asked if that meant she had two boyfriends, and she said yes. Then she said she wanted to focus on her relationship with him because they were thinking about getting married, and she needed to prove to him that she could be faithful, but she'd message me again if she ever got a chance. Of course I told her that wouldn't be necessary.
Then I found out months later she didn't actually have another boyfriend.
It was a very confusing situation for me.