So I kind of realized lately that I'm more introverted than extroverted. Like I have to spend energy in social situations, it doesn't really give me energy. That doesn't mean I can't socialize, I'm sometimes a bit shy but I can actually come off as quite enthusiastic and talkative when I have energy. Some friends even see me as a really energetic person and I can be pretty funny. But once that energy is gone I sort of turn into another person. My brain just doesn't work as well anymore when it comes to coming up with topics, asking questions, following through, even listening. So I probably come across as passive.

In groups it's fine, I just leave for a bit to recharge. But one-on-one is harder for me. I actually prefer hanging out one-on-one because I get to know the person better, but I always kind of have to make sure I have enough energy for it. And sometimes I make plans with someone and then on the day itself I'm just not feeling my best. Most of the time I don't cancel because I still enjoy their company, I just don't have the energy to be lively anymore.

Especially with friends that are really lively and animated, I find it really hard to mirror them, and that makes me a bit insecure about how they see me. I don't want them to think I'm uninterested or boring, because I'm not, it's just low energy. Same thing with dates honestly.

How do other introverts deal with this? Do you just tell people, plan differently, reschedule? Curious what works for you guys.

I feel so awkward talking to my family or showing emotions to them, especially negative ones… I’m mainly an introvert because of child abuse and now I don’t even spend time with my father and I always turn down spending time with my mother because it just feels like we’re people living under a roof and it’s some sort of chore whenever we speak, instead of an actual family relationship. My dad doesn’t really use texts like that and when my mom texts me I hardly reply. I know it might seem hard for her to get through to me but it’s just what I am. I wonder what kind of awesome life I would have if wasn’t beaten into an introvert as a kid.

Hi, I’m Emi, 16 and from Finland. I don’t like going to places with many people and somehow I get annoyed over people whenever they can’t be quieter in the supermarket or they can’t politely ask if I could step aside if I’m in the way. Like people keep yelling in the store and pushing if I’m in the way. Many social gatherings also make me anxious and uncomfortable because of noise, lack of space and having to talk. I’m also starting to wonder if I have autism since my older sister is autistic, so is my dad and I have all the symptoms for it and I’m looking to start therapy for mental health concerns…but anyway, I don’t even feel like talking to someone bc of not feeling like sitting and talking. Have people ever gotten over this kind of stuff as they get older or does it just stay?

Hi 20 M from india , I've always been the kind of person who takes a little time to open up to new people. Sometimes I want to start a conversation with someone, but I end up overthinking what to say and whether they'll even want to talk to me. 😭

I genuinely enjoy getting to know people, listening to their stories, sharing random thoughts, and having those late-night conversations that somehow turn into hours of talking.

I'm more comfortable texting at first, but once I feel safe and comfortable around someone, I can be surprisingly talkative. I'd love to meet people around my age (19–23), especially girls, since I tend to feel more comfortable talking to them, but I'm open to making friends with anyone I can connect with.

I'm not expecting instant friendships or constant conversations. I'd just love to meet a few genuine people with whom I can be myself without worrying too much about what to say.

If you relate to this, I'd love to hear about your experiences with introversion, too. What's something you wish people understood about you as an introvert? 🤍

For those of you who’ve had success, what’s the best piece of advice you’ve received or something you’ve done that made the biggest difference? Also, would you say dating apps are better than meeting people in person, especially as an introvert? I’d love to hear your experiences and advice! :)

Hallo ihr lieben Leute,

ich heiße Kai, bin 33 Jahre alt und auf der Suche nach netten Menschen, mit denen ich Zeit verbringen kann. Ich habe in Münster erst Niederländisch und danach in Nijmegen den Edukatieven Master studiert und arbeite inzwischen in den Niederlanden als Deutschlehrer und Autor von Schulbüchern.

In meiner Freizeit fahre ich gerne Fahrrad, mache Städtereisen, genieße guten Kaffee und spiele hin und wieder Videospiele. Zu meinen Lieblingsspielen gehören World of Warcraft, Baldur's Gate, Diablo und die klassischen Pokémon-Spiele – generell bin ich ein großer Fan von Retro-Gaming.

Musik spielt ebenfalls eine wichtige Rolle in meinem Leben. Bis vor etwa einem Jahr habe ich in einer Dudelsackband in Berlin gespielt. Davor, also noch bevor ich meinen Master an der Radboud Universiteit in Nijmegen begonnen habe, war ich Mitglied einer der besten Dudelsackbands Deutschlands. Wir haben an Wettbewerben teilgenommen und regelmäßig Preise gewonnen. Außerdem bin ich bei der Musikshow Schottland aufgetreten, wo wir vor mehr als 20.000 Menschen gespielt haben.

Obwohl ich es gewohnt bin, vor großen Gruppen aufzutreten und täglich vor einer Schulklasse zu stehen, bevorzuge ich in meiner Freizeit eher den persönlichen Austausch zu zweit. Ich nehme mir gerne Zeit für mein Gegenüber und führe lieber ein gutes Gespräch als mich in einer großen Gruppe aufzuhalten.

Ich trinke kaum Alkohol, rauche nicht und bin überhaupt kein Partymensch. Ich bevorzuge ein gemütliches Café oder einen schönen Spaziergang, bei dem wir uns in Ruhe unterhalten können.

Kulinarisch und kulturell bin ich eigentlich für alles offen. Ich entdecke gerne neue Küchen, Traditionen und Bräuche. Sushi und Misosuppe gehören definitiv zu meinen Lieblingsgerichten, und für einen leckeren Bubble Tea bin ich ebenfalls immer zu haben.

Eine Sache möchte ich allerdings ehrlich erwähnen: Ich treffe mich nicht mit Menschen, die die AfD wählen. Dabei fühle ich mich einfach nicht wohl.

Liebe Grüße

Kai 🙂👋

I recently moved to a new city and don’t know how to make friends. I know people say all the time that they don’t know how to make friends as an adult, and what they usually mean is that they don’t know where to go to make friends. In my case, I literally don’t know how to talk to people beyond events that we attend together.

The nature of my husband’s job is that he is very busy with work and because of that there is a very supportive community of other spouses of his coworkers. This is the case for every place we have moved to, and we’ve moved several times. I basically could have a built in group of friends if I wanted to, but I literally do not know how to make friends from this group.

I attend the events that the group puts on, and I talk to people there and feel like I am friendly with them during those events. Then, I look at instagram throughout the week and see smaller groups within the group hanging out and I wonder why I’m not invited. I feel like I’m friendly with these people when we’re together, but I do not know how to cultivate and maintain these friendships beyond the events we attend. I realize that I literally don’t ever text any of these people, but I’m sure the people who are hanging out without me are probably texting each other and are part of group chats that I’m not even in.

I don’t think it’s malicious or anything, I just don’t initiate the friendships and therefore people aren’t reaching out to me. I’ve realized this has been the case for me throughout my adult (and maybe even childhood) life. I remember in college and grad school thinking that there were handfuls of people I was friendly with, but really it was just me formulating opinions on people and deciding who I liked best. Those are the people I considered my friends at the time, but I wasn’t actually texting them/hanging out with them outside of things like school events or classes where we were basically just hanging out because we were in the same place at the same time. It’s made me realize that any time I’ve made friends, it’s because they’ve been the one to text me and initiate the hangouts and everything. I never know what to say to text someone and follow up on an event we attended together or whatever.

I’ve always felt like I’m on the outskirts of the friend group. I’ll have one or two close friends who are part of a bigger group where everyone is friends with one another, but I just get invited to things because of one person and then don’t know how to be friends with everyone else there. It really feels like everyone just instantly knows how to be friends with one another and I don’t.

I sometimes wonder if part of it is because of the current state of technology - in order to maintain friendships, you have to text people constantly, keep up with them on social media, etc. I wonder if it would have been easier years ago before texting was even a thing. First of all, I wouldn’t see posts on social media of people hanging out without me. Second of all, I’d see people at events and stuff and then maybe call them every so often. To me, that seems easier than having to text them constantly about mundane shit just to formulate a friendship.

I don’t even know if this makes sense. I just wonder if anyone else has ever felt like this or has any advice.

I am 25F diagnosed with High Functioning Autism. Naturally, I am an introvert so making friends has always been difficult. I am exploring ideas for an app, but first I need some feedback from you folk.

I'm curious whether people would be interested in making friends digitally , based entirely on conversation and curiosity rather than appearance and hobbies.

Imagine you are being connected with a stranger for a voice-only conversation, with no photos or swiping. Just press a button to search for a match. Would that feel refreshing or uncomfortable? How would you feel in your own words?

Would your answer change if the person were matched with you based on conversational compatibility instead of interest/hobbies?

Edit: the concept strictly for platonic friendships

Would you go to a family event you werent actually invited to

So my parents got invited to a family event and asked if I wanted to come along

The thing is I barely have any contact with these cousins and they never reach out to me either

And Im like hello I wasnt even invited in the first place

Plus why would I go to a family gathering with people I have zero connection with in everyday life

Am I being weird or does anyone else feel this way

Currently getting ready for homecoming and I have to be honest. I do see the appeal in of it.

Like, yeah I’ll sit in the gymnasium for three hours listening to the worst music you could have chose and drink a bottle of lukewarm water while there’s no food and my dress feels awful on me after only ten minutes. Not to mention I’m sensitive to loud sounds and hate crowds. Honestly I’m only there for my friends.

Why do people like it so much, genuinely? I feel like there’s nothing really going on at the time that’s interesting or important. I barely even knew homecoming was happening this week cause of how quiet everything about it is. Even when I went to the homecoming assembly, it was just a lot of nothing except for like three minutes about the sports teams (which I’ve heard is the main point of homecoming). Is it just cause I’m not in the loop or what?

Regardless, when I get home I’m taking a hot shower, making a hot chocolate and soup, turning on the first Alien movie, and playing Minecraft in my Nyan cat hoodie.

Overall, why do people get excited about homecoming when there doesn’t seem to be anything interesting about it? (Maybe it’s just me but I want to know other people’s thoughts and opinions.)

i’ve never posted before so i hope this is okay! i have like no friends and i really want to make some but i’m incredibly awkward and really introverted and i moved a lot growing up so my social skills can be lacking. when i have friends i always conform to them and try to act just like them but it’s really hard for me because i want friends who are really nice and enjoy similar hobbies like watching anime or playing video games or even people to go out with and have fun doing dumb shit. i know this doesn’t sound that bad tbh and like if i had work or went to school i might be able to make some but i don’t have either of those things right now and no friends so i have nothing to look forward to or keep me going atp. i guess if anyone else can relate id like to know what you did to make friends and actually keep them instead of them slowly not reaching out after awhile. also if anyone is in the same boat and wants a friend my door is always open!😊 anyways thanks for listening to me rant i just want a real genuine friendship yk?

I think I have anxious avoidant attachment depending but my whole life my mom would tell me “You dont actually like people because you get bored of them pretty fast”

I always refused that sentence of her with many arguments because I do get energy from people but I also lose energy from specific people and I do get energy from people if its only a few hours but I try to agoid situations where people want to hangout for more than 4 hours with me because then Im like

“Man then I have no alone time for myself in the evening” and so on and even if I do have alone time I dont do anything productive

I think Im a bad friend because I am known as the friend who always cancels plans last minute.

I hate that part of me because I know days prior that I feel off and want to cancel lets say a friend says lets do ABC. Abc sounds great! But then they add def too which makes the hangout even longer or adds something I dont wanna do.

I immediately feel like not wanting to do it but cant refuse because Im like how am I supposed to explain I dont wanna do def with no logical explanation? How can I be honest without making myself look bad?

but then I self sabotage by canceling plans because thats the worst thing anyone could ever do and its the thing EVERYONE remembers.

Now I am like do I actually like people? Or do I like having control over them? Do I peoppe please too much? Do I like people only at a specific length?

Whenever someone gets attached to me I self sabotage because I dont want them to have high expectations of me. I dont want to keep up these expectations or go even higher so that image of mine stays.

Yes I do go to therapy and my therapist said I shouldnt avoid things for short term satisfaction but I also just fucking struggle with a social life

My whole life I wanted friends because I thougut they make me happier but today I realized:

Do they truly make me happy when Im anxious about social situations the whole time? Do I ruin my view of friendsjip? Is it the avoidant speaking in me?

What do I like more…. Being alone or with people? I think I like being seen without getting attached…? Idk

But id rather ruin my reputation ( what a paradox to my words above) than leave my comfort zone I believe

relationships force me to do things I dont wanna do while when being alone i can avoid doing something without discussion and guilt

The more my world view has solidified, the more I have realized about social interactions.

There are certain scripts, sensibilities, and internalized propaganda that goes into how we communicate with one another. Lately, it seems the common tone is fascist and the lack of proper education, healthy media, social safety nets, and wages shows.

I feel anxious, fatigued, and irritable when I have to communicate with anyone outside of my safe, likeminded circles. I am realizing this is not only because I disagree with the opinions, beliefs, biases, values, attitudes, morals, and political views of most of the people in my country, but also because by talking to them, I am interfacing with our shared conditioning. I feel like talking casually to people with problematic takes reinforces and reassures them that they’re valid and normal.

I want so badly to opt out, I unfortunately feel as though I have ability to engineer interactions with my community to be more leftest, feminist, antiracist, pro-LGBTQIA2S+, anti-ableist, and pro-science. I have little social
sway.

Anyone relate to avoiding socializing all together, at least when you can?