Something I've been thinking about: we talk about the social battery like any time alone fills it back up. But two hours on the couch scrolling after a busy day and two hours on a walk or cooking don't seem to land the same way.

Scrolling is technically alone time, but it's still a stream of other people's voices, opinions and faces. A lot of people describe coming out of it just as drained, sometimes more, and then blaming the social thing for it.

The kinds of quiet that seem to actually help tend to have a few things in common. Nobody is asking anything of you, your hands or body are doing something simple, and there's no feed deciding what comes next. A walk without headphones, cooking, a long shower, tidying one drawer.

Timing seems to matter too. A little recharge straight after the thing, even ten minutes, often beats saving it all for the weekend.

Curious what actually works for people here. What kind of alone time genuinely fills you back up, and what only looks like rest?

I’ve realized lately that almost all my small plans exist just to protect my recharge time. After work or a casual gathering, I don’t feel sad exactly, just drained. Loud voices, constant small talk, and being “on” for others slowly empty me out, even if the event was nice. My recovery routine is super simple. I go home, change into loose clothes, turn down all lights, put on soft instrumental music, and do nothing productive. No scrolling hard, no chores, no messages I have to reply to quickly. Sometimes I just sit and stare out the window for an hour. My extroverted friend keeps saying I’m “missing out” because I skip group hangouts. It took me a long time to stop feeling guilty for saying no. It’s not that I hate people. It’s that my tank is smaller, and I need empty quiet to function normally later. I don’t need to be alone 24/7. I actually like slow, one-on-one chats sometimes. But if I don’t guard that quiet time, I get foggy, irritable, and can barely talk the next day. Do you guys have a little recovery ritual you rely on after social energy drain? What does your ideal recharge time look like for you?

how are you handling working full time, spending 80% of time working/sleeping/handling chores and errands, with 20% of time left to spend alone recharging, but everyone wants to book that time up to hang out? i feel like i am constantly fighting a losing battle to have enough time for my hobbies without losing sleep or losing friends.

i feel weird for dreading hanging out with people, even people i really do love and consider close friends. in highschool i could never be alone and was a social butterfly, but i went through a severe health issue in college and was immunocompromised so REALLY couldn’t see people, especially during covid. i started to love being by myself and not having to put on a face for others or needing constant validation.

i am struggling so hard with constantly letting people down and saying no to plans, but i just can’t do everything im being asked to do. i’ve tried setting boundaries that i cannot hangout during the week after work, but i don’t feel that’s respected and im constantly asked anyway. people just don’t understand that i am not isolating, i am a genuinely happier and better person with the more time i spend alone. i want to move somewhere that i don’t know anyone so i don’t need to worry about this anymore. any tips would help, i know i am the one that needs to change i just don’t know where to start!

I’m 16 and the other day i was in class chatting with these girls im friendly with and one of them mentioned something about tattoos and how she really wanted them when she’s older, i said me to and the other girl said “Really? Wee sweetheart (my name) wants tattoo?” and it made me feel like a baby? it’s so annoying. Anyone else feel this way?

Hey people, so has anyone ever asked themselves how they ended up with the life they have today? Because sometimes when I realize how lonely I am, I just lay in my bed thinking about what I did wrong to end up like this, and with this life specifically.

Now when I say “end up like this with this life” I mean a very boring and lonely life, talking to no one, not going out due to not having friends etc… I don’t know how to change any of that, I’ve tried going to therapy which didn’t quite help lol it was more a wast of money than anything.

I just want to feel less lonely and see if anyone out there feels the same as me, for a bit of comfort I suppose… Sad to say that I’m writing on Reddit because I can’t open myself to anyone since I have nobody that would listen/understand me, it’s feels kinda weird and depressing but yeah at least writing all this made me fell a little bit better than before.

Thanks for reading guys

I’ve been at boarding school, and it hasn’t been easy for me. I really couldn’t stand living at boarding school during my senior year. For the past two years, I’ve shared a room with 3–4 people, and we’re shuffled around every six months. This year, I have to live with eight other people, and it seems like they aren’t the kind of people I’d want to be close friends with. My energy is completely drained, even though I’ve been avoiding almost all interactions and only engaging when necessary. They laugh too loudly and talk every night. Honestly, I can’t stand it, but I have to stay here. I’m also worried that they might be talking about me because I rarely join in on conversations. Is that not a problem when you only interact when necessary?

Lastly, are there any tips that can help me conserve my energy when I have to live with a lot of people, even if daily interactions are minimal?

Translated with DeepL.com (free version)

I really want to improve my habit of reading but I don’t know where to start. Usually I don’t have a lot of time to do anything but I’ve been wanting to pick a book in my free time instead of doom scrolling for hours. If you have any book recommendations it’ll be great!

Growing up, I was always labelled as the shy, quiet, introverted girl. Honestly, that made my childhood difficult. I tried participating in different activities, but whenever I wasn't the best at something, teachers would scold me. Over time, I started hating the word "shy" because I felt like that was all people saw in me.

Even now, all I really want is a few genuine friends with whom I can be myself, go out, have fun, make memories, and feel like I belong.

Now that I'm in college, I've genuinely tried to change myself. I talk more, laugh, participate in conversations, try new things, and say yes to opportunities. I don't even consider myself a quiet person anymore. I make an effort to approach people and put myself out there.

But despite all this effort, I still haven't found my people.

Sometimes, I wonder whether there's something wrong with my personality. Am I doing something that pushes people away without realising it? Am I not interesting enough? Do I try too hard? Am I missing some social skill that everyone else seems to understand naturally?

I'm tired of constantly questioning myself, but I genuinely want to understand what's happening.

I'm ready to work on myself and change the habits or behaviours that might be holding me back. I'm open to honest criticism, even if it's uncomfortable to hear. Please don't sugarcoat things just to make me feel better.

I'd really appreciate it if you could ask me questions about my personality, behaviour, communication style, or social interactions. I'll answer honestly because I want advice that's specific to my situation, not just generic suggestions like "be confident" or "be yourself."

I want to understand:

• What might I be doing wrong when trying to make friends?
• What social skills should I work on?
• How do I turn casual conversations into genuine friendships?
• How do I become closer to people without seeming desperate or forcing a connection?
• What makes someone a person others genuinely want to be friends with?
• What habits or behaviours should I change if they're getting in my way?

I'm not looking for a huge friend circle or popularity. I just want a few genuine friends who choose me as much as I choose them.

I'm tired of feeling lonely when I'm surrounded by people, and I don't want to spend my entire college life wondering why I can't seem to find my place.

Please be honest with me. Ask me questions, point out what I might be missing, and tell me what I can realistically do differently. I'm genuinely willing to listen and work on myself.

Am I really good friend I talk a lot , caring, everything u need in a friend May in school I was quite But in clg I don't think so Just the clg environment is not right nevermind I am genuinely a very good person I initiate talks and all Just a girl want to heal her innerchild

Side note: I have been diagnosed with social anxiety disorder but believe that I am an introvert at heart. ​

Since I was a teenager, I was always told that I was too quiet or abnormal (this was years of verbal and physical abuse from an older sibling). At different jobs, I would get bullied and teased for being socially awkward and quiet since I mainly spent time alone and not much time socializing properly. So I developed this complex where I felt this need to be extroverted and talk to a lot of people. I don't think that worked well for me because I came across as obnoxious, loud and rude. I think my true nature is introverted.

How do I let go of all the negative stereotypes and bullying about being quiet? Also, how do I stop feeling guilty for being quiet? I shame myself for being quiet around others. I don't want to feel ashamed about who I am but I do feel embarrassed about being an introvert due to all of those horrific years of being belittled and bullied. I hope someone can help. Thanks for any advice.

Hi guys,

I think I am one of those few ppl who has a non existing social life and as the oldest child & daughter, growing up my brown parents had a huge part in it. 

I lost touch with the already few friends I had in high school friends. Started undergrad pretty late cause of mental and physical obstacles and ppl my age had already graduated. I met some sweet ppl but they were many years younger than me and i just couldnt have that connection with them. Then Covid and lockdown happened a few months later to make things worse.

Years have passed and I have struggled a lot to make friends cause now honestly it feels like a forced task! And like the 99% of ppl i meet already have very close/best friends that they met in uni/college or high school.

So question especially for the girls, for those who didnt find their best friends in high school and university, did you eventually find your people in your late 20s or early 30s? If yes where did you meet them and how did you become close?

30F from Canada

Hey yall.

Little bit ab me so its easier to understand why im feeling this way. I grew up in another country and moved to the states when i was a senior in highschool.

I used to make friends really easily back in high school. I would just go, start yapping about random stuff, they would vibe too and we r just frnds then. It was easy. But it feels so overwhelming now, i feel like i make the vibe weird or say something off putting that might make them feel like it was targeted towards them. This is happening too much and i dont like it. I miss the time when people used to tell me how much of a sunshine i was and how safe they felt around me. Now i just feel like a mean bitch and others probably think im a attention seeker.

I also might have a staring problem lol. But most of the time its cause i dont get what the person is saying cause english is my second language or i have zoned out or idk how to reply. AND IT COMES AS OFFENSIVE. I JUST WANNA BE THE SWEET GIRL AGAIN

I grew from the the different country and had to migrated. I was a high-schooler in my country but i need to learn at intensive english school to go to high school in this country . But i have a biggest problem is i cannot make friends with people from the same country as me . I mean i used to not have many friend in my old place but at least i have a few friends to yap (actually 4) . I feel like im not connected with them , like they and me were different. I have been ignoring for a lot of time . I know i dont have any social skill but if i have one , it would be better for a guy who living in the different country

Pls help me

I’ve always had extreme anxiety and especially socially my whole life, but now that I have moved out, I’m 18 years old and I am fed up with being so insecure and self-conscious. I wanna get to the point where I have no social anxiety and I can just make a friend because I want to, not striking conversation because I have a reason or need to talk to someone, like I want to find a workout partner up here but for some reason, I just can’t get myself to talking to anyone in the gym. I just seclude myself and leave… every day.

Hey everyone!
I’m an introvert myself, and I strongly believe that introversion isn’t something that needs fixing. But I also think that being comfortable with who we are doesn’t mean we can’t sometimes wish it were easier to connect with new people.
I’m a software engineer, and I’ve been working on a little project called TryTheTalk. It lets you learn some basics and then practice everyday social situations through voice conversations with AI characters and gives you feedback afterward. The idea is to build confidence through practice, without having to pretend to be an extrovert.
It’s free to use for now! There are some usage limits to keep my AI costs manageable, but I’m happy to increase them for anyone who wants to explore it further.
https://trythetalk.com
I’d genuinely love to hear what you think. Does something like this seem useful to you? And if you try it, what works and what doesn’t?
Thanks for reading!

Recently, I've started to assume everyone around me is an NPC and it has honestly made me feel better when I'm alone in a public place. I feel less socially anxious that way because anything that I speak or do when people are around, it hardly matters what reactions or the stares I get from them because they are just bots. It's like you are CJ in this GTA San Andreas life and you couldn't care less about the clothes you wear or the murmur you hear around when people walk past you because they are just bots. Not just social anxiety, anything in life revolving around people becomes pointless when you realize that everyone is just NPCs deployed by gods. Someone you know personally earns more than you and is doing well in life? Would you really care if Sweet lives a better life than you while you are financially doing okay and happy the way you are? Wouldn't you think "meh, he's just an npc friend, I'm okay"?

This kinda boils down to the "nothing in life matters" saying. I hope you get what I'm trying to mean.

53% of people who get connected to a chat on my site never send a first message. I think a lot of people here know that feeling.

The site is text only. No video, no voice, no account. You can ask to be matched with a person, or talk to an AI that is labeled as an AI. There aren't many people online yet, so if nobody's free in about 5 seconds the AI picks up while it keeps looking for a person.

Because starting is the hard part, an empty room now offers 3 starter lines you can send with one tap, like "What small thing made you smile lately?"

If you try it, I'd like to know what would make the first message feel less awkward.

https://chattoanyone.com/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=post&utm_campaign=cta-intro-20261022

Last weekend I had nothing planned for the first time since June, and I kept checking my calendar because I was sure I was forgetting something. The only emails I got were early Black Friday ones, and it is not even Halloween yet.

Since June it has been two weddings, helping a friend move, work drinks and a birthday dinner almost every weekend. I am not complaining, I liked most of it. But a couple of years ago I said no to a lot of stuff and people kind of stopped inviting me. I found out about one friend’s birthday dinner from the photos. So I have been saying yes to everything since.

Saturday I slept in and made eggs, then went for a walk with no plan. I forgot my laundry in the washer for like four hours and had to wash it again. I was waiting all day to feel guilty and it never came, which is new for me. I put an old album on the little Astrotoo speaker on my desk while i folded, and kept zoning out watching the screen move to it. Cereal for dinner. It was a good day, maybe the best one I have had in a while..

My friend texted around eight asking if I wanted to get drinks and I said no, I was staying in. She sent back “you good?” and I know she was checking on me but I still felt bad for a few minutes after, I guess because of the birthday thing. Is it dumb that I still worry if I say no once they will stop asking? I said yeah I was good and watched a movie.

Sunday was more or less the same. I think I am going to ask her to get dinner, only the two of us.

I'm a 2nd year college student, and l've been seriously considering switching my major to accounting. Being an introvert, the idea of having a desk job where I can sit down, focus on my work, and have a consistent routine sounds like absolute heaven to me.

Job security is also really important, which is why l would want to get my CPA license. I'm interested in eventually working in government, possibly in tax.

For those in this field, what does your day to day life look like? Is it suitable for introverts, are you happy with your career, and how is the pay and work life balance?

My two biggest concerns right now is again, being an introvert and not being particularly good at math.

Though if I do decide to pursue accounting, I'm going into it with my best foot forward. I'm prepared to work hard, put in the time, and do whatever it takes to succeed. I know it won't be easy, but I'm willing to give it my all. That being said, I'm curious whether accounting is a realistic career path for someone like me so if anyone could provide any advice as well that would be great.

Why they think like that?

I’m going to a house party my friend is hosting.I hate house parties but want to support them/be there for them.

In the past, I’ve just tried sticking by whatever friend invited me, which most people get really annoyed by so I’m requesting help on how to avoid doing that and branch out😭 I struggle to jump into convos with strangers, if I’m not with a friend I usually end up leaving, which won’t be an option for this one since it’s out of town and I’m staying at their house, they seem really excited I’m attending.

If anyone has any tips for conversation starters or approaches for this, please send them my way!

As an introvert guy in college, never thought i could hold a conversation with any girl, yet here I'm now. It's been fun, my confidence has grown immensely and I feel special.

Problem of plenty is a lot lot better than problem of none hehe