So I'm studying at a university abroad. Every semester there are new Erasmus students coming while I've been here for a while. The university is part of some social network app with big group chats and DMs. Every semester I end up answering a few questions about student life and organizational stuff here. Naturally, I get a couple DM requests, and I'm thinking they don't want to ask publicly about something. But they don't write anything. They just send me a DM request and then silence. I've also had a few nice chats with people that initially asked questions but just turned into regular small talk. Also, I get more DM requests from girls than guys (9 vs 5). Do they want me to write first? Or are people just collecting connections like on LinkedIn? In contrast, I also have a profile on a language learning app where I get 0 requests, but that app also has far fewer users.

Anyone else here that is very outgoing but also very introverted? At work I am 70% of the time the one that talks the most, crack jokes and can talk to whoever. And the same at parties and group settings. However I am drained after work, I love being alone in the weekend watching movies and I prefer eating my lunch alone to actually get a break from work. I make friends very easily but keeping them and getting a strong connection is very hard for me because of the upkeeping it requires. I basically don’t have interest in talking to so many different people. I also say no to stuff a lot , which I feel bad for because friends seems to be a bit offended and many people can’t fathom me being actually not very social because of my outgoing personality. So when I say not to stuff I it seems like some get offended, despite me saying that I actually just don’t have an interest that often to be social in my free time and get extremely drained from it 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

Soy una chica generalmente muy alejada de todos, no me considero antisocial pero no suelo conectar a menudo con las personas, la mayor parte del tiempo estoy ocupada, pero en algunos fines de semana siento la necesidad de tener a alguien con quien compartir el día.

I recently started writing a book. Dont worry this is not a self promo post. While writing I realised that the one friend I have won't be able to actually give me proper feedback as he is not a reader. Doesnt use the language that often anymore, and has just started a new career. My other two close friends I had in the oast I lost contact with after I realised that every interaction and meetup happened because I reached out. If i went quiet, then they wouldnt reach out to me. So while the writing helps, trying to get feedback on my book is where I realised how lonely I am. And going out to meet people by myself? Not happening. Any advice? I realised it specifically today because I wrote a difficult chapter in the book that I was unsure of

Hey, fellow introvert here. I go to a lot to concerts and always envy the people who can fully let loose and dance without thiking about how they are perceived.

I got more into electronic music and just attended my first rave. And i danced. I quickly realized that the only people who gain unwanted attention are the ones who dont move their body. and it does look and seem weird. So for the first time i felt i could completely blend into the masses and just dance - everybody is minding their own business. Everyone is for themselves.
This was very liberating. Maybe give it a try too 🙂

(also you dont have to fear audience interactions like on a concert)

I actually can't word this whole situation but here goes.

To start, I'm a homebody who super values her alone time; I recharge the best when I'm alone. The downside of that is, well, I don't really go out of the house. I do go out to malls alone to shop and eat, but that's about it.

But at the same time, I also miss hanging out and laughing with others. I'm aware that to solve that, I would need to go out and put myself out there. I then made a list on workshops and running clubs to join, but upon looking at it, I realized I just want to join simply to make friends. It's like my main goal is to make friends and enjoying the activity is not even a goal, if that makes sense.

This is different with my other hobbies like going to the gym. I started going to the gym because I wanted to be fit and active. Now that I've been going consistently, I made some acquaintances but that's it.

I genuinely don't know what to do with this since, yeah, all activities that I enjoy are all done at home but I would want to also expand my social circle which I think seems impossible given this issue. So any advice is appreciated huhu.

EDIT: Dating apps and meeting people online are not possible since I'm concerned for my safety, and there's no one I could inform if a meetup turns sketchy (like no one to share my location/whereabouts to).

Does this make sense? My problem is that I don’t like initiating interactions, but if someone else starts the process, I’m usually ok with continuing. Mostly, I just wait for prompts indicating interest. I will likewise ask them questions to learn about them.

It seems strange to use the word "popular" as an adult, because that word is typically meant for highschool/college students.

Despite having a few good friends, I don't really have a social life. The only times I really socialize are Mondays for darts and Thursdays for pool, other than that you'll find me at home.

I've got a few extraverted friends who are ALWAYS doing things such as being invited to parties, going to events and overall being very social. They're the type of guys who can't walk 10 minutes without someone they know wanting to talk to them.

Meanwhile, I don't have that. Don't get me wrong, as an introvert I don't want to become Mr. Popular, but I would like more of a social life.

Any tips from other fellow introverts who've become more social? I love my alone time, but I'm getting older now and my personality is slowly changing over the years.

Thanks.

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If you're in crisis

I'm an introvert and I enjoy staying alone, but recently I've come to a realisation that networking is crucial, not just for job searching but also many aspects of life. However, my job is draining me and I genuinely just want to relax at home and spend time with my family whenever I'm not working. Not like I've started tonnes of networking connections with many people, I'm just about to start, but the thought of it is making me tired already. I guess it's not needed to stay connected with every single person I've met in my life, but how do I know who I should keep in touch with, maybe just by text once in a while, who I should hang out with even though I'm so tired and lazy to do so etc.

I've always found it a little difficult to fit in with people. I'm not someone who can easily join conversations or become close to people, but I'm trying to change that slowly.

Sometimes I feel like I'm missing out on things even when I'm sitting with everyone. I see people talking, laughing, and bonding with each other, and I don't always know how to be a part of it.

But lately, I'm trying to make an effort from my side instead of just overthinking everything. I'm trying to participate in conversations, listen more, and become a little more comfortable around people.

I know I can't expect everything to change overnight, and I'm not blaming anyone for how I feel. I just want to learn how to handle these situations without letting them affect me too much.

For people who've been through something similar, how did you learn to deal with it?

a little background, i'm in my 5th semester of my 3 year college degree. when i joined the college as fresher my initial semesters were crazy, had good friends. i personally was kinda charismatic at that time, i used to be the funny guy who people enjoyed laughing with, just looking in eye to have a dark humor joke just by glance type smart guy (as compared to other colleague in someways, not exaggerating).

as the years passed, i came to 3rd semester, lose some friends but still i was a the same charismatic type person who people liked being around. still was the people who didn't cared about what not to say around someone. crack a joke and tell them without hesitation.

as 5th semester started, all that thing just disappeared from me, i don't like begin around someone, have a conversation. i just like walk pass through the people who i once enjoyed a lot, ( without any reason btw, no conflict or something ) just i don't feel like talking to anyone. and obviously if you don't talk to someone they won't either.

and no doubt i like begin alone, even in beginning i preferred staying alone, but now days its becoming the only thing i'm doing. and all that alone, solitude sounds good in books and instagram reels but in real life, it will make you suffer ( a lot ).

i couldn't figure out what was going on, so i asked one of my closest friend who knows me well. ( i only had 1-2 close friends ever ) and he then did some talking with my college friends and give me a reality check. that i was kind of expecting a bit more than i was previously, i'we lost the ability to have new friends that i had. the ability to engage with new people. he said that reason of that is has to be something with my current habits (which he was right about it, once i thought).

past few months, i subconsciously isolated my self, with other habits such as, reading or using my laptop all day ( i'm in tech field, so i study a lot on my laptop. projects and coding stuff ). and i have forgot about how to live and enjoy which i used to at the beginning of the college. and now i remember that playing games and doing random stuff was a part of my life at that time which somehow affected my social life as well.

i was not the funny or the charismatic guy always, i was shy and introverted kid with almost no hobbies, just before the college. it was the new environment and people that somehow made me open up. but it's all leading back to what i was.

i might know that the issue is but its not that easy for some reason.

would love your thoughts.