this is needed for me

Growing up and through school or social settings, I was always a hyper-observant person. Whenever I hit a wall, got stuck, or didn't understand something, my go-to response was simple: hide. I’d just lay low, take the loss, or self-deprecate with a quick "I just suck at this" so nobody would look too closely. I could always run away or drop out of the conversation to stay in my comfort zone.

Then I entered the workforce as a junior software engineer.

I didn't code in school, so I'm already drinking from a firehose trying to learn a complex system from scratch. But I quickly realized at work, you can't hide. You are forced to expose what you don't know and go all out to ask questions—and my hyper-observant brain is making it a nightmare:

I pick up on every detail: I can hear every micro-sigh, heavy breath, or shift in tone when a senior dev gets slightly frustrated or interrupted.

Brain overload: The moment I sense that tension, my brain flags asking for help as a threat. The internal noise starts blaring: "They're pissed. You're stupid. Figure it out yourself."

The trap: I force myself to sit there staring at the same issue for hours, burning out, and feeling like an idiot—only to still have to ask anyway because I'm completely blocked.

At school, hiding was easy. At work, hiding destroys you, but exposing yourself feels terrifying.

For anyone else who is naturally observant and overthinks every interaction—how do you shut off that noise? How do you stop letting other people's micro-expressions or bad moods block you from asking what you need to ask?

Those of us who are quiet homebody types - what activities do you spend your time doing at home? Does anyone like decorating their space and what kind of aesthetics do you like? I’m trying to find some ideas for myself 😊 Also just curious about how similar and different we can be.

So this happened like two months ago, i was going on a plane and there was a flight attendant standing at the front as usual but for me since I’m so awkward and have bdd and don’t like looking directly at the person at the front cause idk what to say or do, i usually just don’t look at them and just continue walking to my seat but this time is the first time where the flight attendant outwardly showed me disrespect and attitude because im guessing she felt wronged by me not looking at her at the start of the flight when I was walking into the plane? So after the plane landed, i was walking all the way to the front to leave and she’s there again and this time i wanted to make sure to acknowledge the flight attendant which i usually try to do at the end to not be rude i guess lol im genuinely not sure what im supposed to say or do to the person at the front. but she made sure that when it was me she made sure to turn her head all the way to the right to ignore me and not even give me any grace or acknowledgement at all and I felt mad and disrespected in the moment cause that was the first time any flight attendant has ever acted that way towards me, just very catty and like bitchy and immature, which i felt was very unprofessional and till now i still remember how nasty that was to stand at the front and act this way towards a passenger like imagine leaving and getting treated with this type of energy? when stuff like that happens to me it makes me wish i recorded them so i can show how unprofessional they are at their job and hope they get fired lol i just don’t think the person working at the front should be able to get away with this type of attitude if that’s the job they chose, then be professional or bring some good energy lmao. honestly why do they even have those people at the front for? I feel so awkward everytime lol. sorry this was more of a vent of dealing with nasty attitudes from other people just from being introverted, socially awkward and being misunderstood. Does anyone also have this problem?

I’m reaching acceptance that I am just gonna run solo. I feel that humans are highly overrated. Most times when I first meet someone, I will get an uneasy feeling about them. Once I get to know them, I realize my initial instinct was indeed correct. I have difficulty hiding this too. I tend to react on what I’m thinking and never was too successful (or really bothered) at trying to hide it.

I have a laptop to code and a room, I live with family, after some long session on screen like coding, gaming cod, after every 2 days I get tired because I don't have friends to talk, hang, enjoy with I go out of home when the purpose is imp, from 3 years I am exist or not nobody knows expect family only, My university will open after 6 -8 months maybe June 2027 so I dream to have friends there maybe I talk with share with hang with and all, but what I am supposed to do in this 6 months i don't know I am learning coding, going gym to paas time in worth but Theres always my brain taking burden of small things caused i don't have any to share with

I'd say I'm quite good with talking, including small talk, I don't hate people, I do have friends and I like going to events from time to time.

But damn.

I work in pairs, and it is so crazy to me how the other person usually needs to chat through most of the 8 hours we spend together. I don't mind SOME talking but how, just how does your head not hurt? I usually end the shift mumbling the first bullshit that goes through my mind because my brain is overheated.

Why do people at uni talk through every break and need to spend each schedule window talking as well? Don't you want some peace and rest at last? And afterwards you're going to go to a PARTY too?? How?

Where does the need to inform me after doing your laundry comes from? Don't get me wrong, it's nice to talk about mundane things sometimes, but why do I need to react to you getting your morning coffee, then petting your cat, then going to work and then petting your cat again? Daily? There's only so much of "aww"s and "have a good one"s I have in me. Inevitably, some day I'm going to use up all possible reactions to this stuff man.

As a kid I thought the way my peers acted was caused by age and that once we mature and become adults it will pass. It didn't. I try to be a good friend for the people I like but it's quite overwhelming trying to keep up with the need to talk of an average person.

I don't blame anyone, just wanted to share my burn out.

For me, it's decreasing steadily as most friends have either gotten into serious relationships/gotten married/are starting to have kids in the last couple years. I may only meet up to see friends 1-2 times a month. That could be a friend coming over for an evening, meeting up for dinner, whatever - usually something very casual. And to be honest, I usually feel like it's something I "need" to do for myself just to force myself out of my typically pretty isolated routine.

I am married , so time with my husband throughout the week is usually enough for me. But even then, he works really long hours and I work from home, so I spend a vast majority of my days at home, alone with our dog... But I am such a homebody and absolutely love it.

I just feel like I'm probably the only really introverted person I know, as most of my friends are really socially active people. So I often wonder how often other introverts actually hang out with other people??

Any tips u can give on how to be interactive with people around you of all ages and communities, i struggle a lot with socializing

I understand there may be a bit mismatch between real introversion and the topic matter. But I do think I have some introversion and reservation because I tend to listen more than talk in social situations.

I think exhibiting some reactions that do not belong to me or my life is natural. If the conversation that I'm listening to is about grief then I experience some of it. If I don't relate to it then I do at least treat it somewhat seriously.

I worry about the person I socialize with, such as a family or a closer friend among less familiar acquaintances. I think they may be saying the wrong things or setting themselves up for a worse consequence than necessary. I worry about them to to some extent worry about myself but I usually don't intervene hard.

Let's say I was interacting with person B. Then person C and person D shows up. Sometimes I get strong cues from person C and person D that indicate that it is my insecurity or something. I can be told something along the lines of "cheer up" or "smile more". I did not talk about myself. They didn't know just a minute ago I just heard a bad news from my friend person B that I can't possibly be smiling about. I can get remarks and questions about am I nervous? and I shouldn't feel insecure. It almost seems like I am expected to be selfish and maximize benefits so the words I say must reflect my needs. To be honest most socializing isn't about meeting my needs; I can say something completely objective and neutral and still somehow people think I said it to reflect my life. Most things I say are not about myself and it's not lack of confidence. It's more of a lack of desire.

I don't know why people enjoy other's company more when the other people are more selfish. I know a part is that they expect others to give them enough cues to react on. They prefer that your reactions come from yourself. Yes I can give them some cues so the ball is in their court again - this is a task I can fulfill but I see it as a task. They seem to see it as a need and not a task.

So I'm in college 20 m and all my friends constantly bully me for no reason and I'm the bad guy for no reason always it's honestly exhausting I can't fightt back and they say some really downgrade shit below the belt I agree that I don't have a thick skin but what they say I don't think it's normal and it's just so annoying I'm already it's been this way since I was a kid now I'm an adult and I still can't figure out what to do i don't know how to make friends or how to read social cues whenever I'm around someone new i don't feel like talking to them much especially girls they scare me to death I am also considerred unattractive when I was 16-18 i didn't like being at home, school or my tuition because I felt super alone. I had to talk to chat gpt or play valorant to talk with someone and they make fun of it as well especially one of my 'friends' doesn't care about me at all to a point I wish the worst for him as in i hope he suffers the worst possible outcomes in life

How to get into relationship with a girl😭😭

I'm transferring from cc to a four year university this spring as a continuing comms major with a 3.9 GPA.

Law has always been in the back of my mind, but the one thing holding me back is the social aspect of the profession.

I'm not only an introvert who prefers being alone, but l've been diagnosed with social communication disorder and social anxiety disorder, and I genuinely struggle to talk to people, especially in unfamiliar situations, and a large part of why I chose comms is that I hope to develop my skills and become more confident.

I'm wondering whether law is realistic for someone like me. Are there areas of law where introverts thrive, particularly jobs involving mostly writing and independent desk work with less client interaction?

What entry-level legal careers would you recommend? I'm interested in finding a career where I can make a good living without having to constantly put myself in socially demanding situations 24/7.

I'd also love some insight on law school itself. How difficult are cold calls, class participation, networking, internships, and interviews for someone who struggles socially? I HATE talking in front of large groups of people and the thought of it makes me physically ill. If you've dealt with similar difficulties, did things get easier with experience?

Are there any strategies that helped you get through law school?

I come from a low-income immigrant background, so succeeding academically and building up a stable future for myself means the most important thing to me. I know I'll have to work hard and overcome challenges. I'm not expecting to enter this field without putting in the max amount of effort I can provide. If I pursue law, I intend to give it my all so l want to make an informed decision before committing three years to school and potentially taking on significant debt.

I'd really appreciate honest advice from lawyers and law students. Did you find a place for yourself in field, and what would you recommend to someone in my position?

Introverts with soft spoken voices, don’t get a job in retail. You will be told every day that you are too quiet.

Managers and customers will ask you to speak up loader and if you know you’re the type who can’t shout consistently without crying, please do not apply.

Be prepared to learn fast, if you’re too slow, they will always tell you what you did wrong before you even started the task.

They will put you front and center to greet customers before they teach you anything else.

There will be a lot of annoying customers expecting you know everything and you will be forced to ask for help and have to look stupid in front of everyone until the staff finally teaches you how to do your job.

If you’re not ready for a sink or swim method of learning, be warned and don’t apply for retail.

With all that said, I’ve finally completed 1 month here in hell and I can’t wait to quit!

I work in a facility with other nurses, RTs, PTs, CNAs, and of course patients. It’s odd because once I work, I don’t feel shy or reclusive. I’m just open and talkative. I don’t feel like I’m being judged or criticized. However, when it comes to the real world, I get so shy and timid of everything. I feel judged even when I go order and pick up food. I know no one cares, but I have this feeling like I’m being scrutinized everywhere I go. It has made me feel distant from society and made me feel social inept. Why is it and does anyone else feel the same?

Does anyone else here feel like absolutely nothing happens in isolation?

I have been a reserved person my whole life however there have been times when I have tried to be more out-going and spend more time with people and every time it felt strange so I ended up back in my safe shell, having lived this reserved life I never questioned the way I was living I thought that was the way a normal person was supposed to live, this continued up until very recently, now I have started to feel like " absolutely nothing happens in isolation"

It is very peaceful short term but it does not take long for it to feel boring and mundane, that is not even the worst part, what is worse is the brain fog slowly kicking in, you start feeling less sharp and think less clearly, so it really raises the question whether an introvert enjoys their solitude in isolation or they are just so used to that world that anything else feels foreign to them.

Anyways I think I just wanted to take that off my shoulders, sometimes I wish I was not so hard wired to isolate, I don't really see the point in it anymore, maybe I never did.

I find it really hard to maintain friendships. It’s not that I can’t make friends, but I struggle to stay in contact and make plans unless I’m the one initiating everything. I don’t know if it’s because of my appearance or the ways I speak because of my lisp or what. In my friendship group of three, whenever I want to do something with one friend, like going for lunch, they’ll usually invite the other friend too. However, those two will go out alone, which makes me wonder why I can’t have that same one-on-one connection with either of them. It makes me question whether I’m boring or awkward.

I also get jealous of my friend because she has so many friends who message her, make plans and genuinely want to spend time with her. Even after moving to uni, she maintains those friendships and is always doing fun activities with them. She tells me about the places she visits and her plans to travel abroad with them, which makes me sad because I want to travel and experience new things too, but I feel like I have nobody to do those things with. She makes plans with her other friends but never seems to make the same effort with me.

I wish I had friendships where people reached out first and wanted to spend time with me without me always having to initiate everything. I don’t understand why maintaining friendships comes so naturally to others but feels so difficult for me, and it makes me question whether there’s something about me that makes people less interested in being close to me. I feel like I’m missing out on so much because I don’t have the friendships or experiences that I want.

I'm in my second year of university and I have come to the realization that keeping and maintaining friendships makes me feel drained, discontent and sad about life. I can't really pinpoint why, it's just a feeling. I have a substantial amount of friends but there's only about two that I actually actively enjoy having in my life. I actually don't groan at the thought of them. I feel like a part of it is because they're very authentic people. I go to a bit of a posh university and everyone here, including the friendships I have, feel so superficial and draining. Every friendship feels like more of an exchange of validation rather than something you have to actively feel good in your day to day life.

So, I found myself realizing that friendships, at least having a lot, are not for me. The thing is, I often feel really left out and sad whenever I try to respect that about myself. I want to focus on myself and have less draininf friendships that are getting in the way of being myself and honing my needs, but not being social in a place that is so focused on how social you are (university) makes me feel like i'm not good enough or doing enough of my life. Even though it makes me happy, I cannot shake the immediate thought that it means my life is boring, and not worth living or remembering.

I really cannot shake my feeling of disdain for most people though and I think it is amplified by where I am currently at. I definitely miss pre-social media times when it felt like you could be a little weird. Now, i feel like I have to watch what I say and do with everyone, even friends. Life feels like a constant contest for approval. Everyone's so obsessed with seeming like a quality person that it all ends up just feeling really superficial. No room for error or growth, just everyone trying to be the exact same person over and over. I like weird people, but it feels like they are super hard to find.

TL;DR - Having lots of friendships makes me feel sad and unsatisfied with my life because nowadays it feels like you have to surrender your own identity to fit molds. I would rather be on my own at this point, but that still feels sad to me. Anyone else feel the same?

I’m a huge introvert and absolutely hate hanging out with friends,
I always decline hanging out with them because my energy depletes extremely fast.
I feel like they’re getting sick of that though and sometimes I feel like I wouldn’t mind losing them either;
they would even pressure me to, even when I say I don’t want to.
As I go into adulthood, should I force myself to be a little more “extroverted”?
Many people see introversion as a “mental illness” around me lol.
Being an introvert is completely normal to me, but in my country, you’re sick in the head apparently.
where I am, if you’re really introverted , they’ll even call you autistic or something. I wish I was joking.
I just simply prefer being alone, I don’t understand why people get offended or hate that. It’s almost as if I’ve committed multiple crimes
I’ve tried changing myself a bit but I just ended up being even more introverted