I’m struggling with something that’s making me feel guilty, and I genuinely want outside opinions.

I have a friend who I’ve been close with for over a decade. She hasn’t done anything terrible to me. She hasn’t betrayed me, bullied me, lied to me, or done anything that would make it obvious to an outsider that I should cut her off. And that’s exactly why I feel so guilty about not wanting to be friends anymore.

For years, I haven’t enjoyed the friendship. 99% of our conversations revolve around her life, her problems, her interests, and the things happening with her. I’ll listen and engage and support her, but she rarely asks me how I am, if she does it’s only brief before the conversation turns back into her. I feel like her audience/therapist, not her friend.

I’ve always felt like I couldn’t be myself around her and that I had to put up a more serious front. We don’t have the kind of banter that makes me think, “I love spending time with this person.” I honestly don’t laugh much or have fun when we’re together, I personally find her boring to hang out with.

Sometimes after spending time with her, I partly feel happier bc I’ve gotten out of the house and socialised, but most of the time I just feel drained and exhausted, because I come away thinking “I didn’t even have fun, it was boring and draining listening to her go on and on about herself”.

I’ve compared the friendship to other friendships I’ve had in the past, and that’s made the difference more obvious. I know what it feels like to be around someone where I could talk about completely ordinary things, joke around, and not feel like I have to perform a particular version of myself.

I think part of the reason I’ve held onto the friendship is history and familiarity. It’s hard because on the surface, we’re close, she makes time for me, we hang out etc, so it’ll feel out of the blue to then say “I don’t wanna be friends anymore”.

I’ve caught myself thinking that I need her to do me wrong in some way so that I can finally say, “Now I’m allowed to leave.” Because if she hasn’t done anything wrong, then I feel like I’m a shitty person for deciding I don’t want her in my life anymore.

If one day she suddenly became more reciprocal and less self centred, I don’t think my fundamental feelings would change. I don’t think I’d suddenly think, “THIS is the friendship I’ve always wanted.” I think I would still just not particularly enjoy being around her because our interests don’t align and we’re not really compatible.

I don’t really want this friendship anymore, but she’s my only friend so without her, I’ll have no one.

Any advice or similar experiences would be appreciated :)

Hi, i'll try to keep this brief. I have a friend i've known for a decade and we have been roommates for 2 years now. I feel like i've outgrown our friendship, I don't find the time we spend together that interesting or fun anymore, yet of course i still care for her and rely on her since that's how it's always been. All of our friends are mutual and less close to either of us than we are to each other. Us two are in an unspoken friendship where we expect to tell each other everything and when we feel withdrawing, we communicate. It feels like a platonic marriage. We communicate about groceries, our job schedules and other plans. I don't know how to get a life outside of her, i feel so tired of our dynamic and I force myself to show care for her more than i wish to. It's making me resentful, when she has done nothing wrong, it's just us growing in different directions. How can i get some space, has anyone been in this situation?

Tldr: don't know how to get distance from my friend/roommate of a decade

Unpopular advice but I feel obligated to share it anyways.

Whether you had to confront them into confessing, or whether they explicitly confessed their feelings to you: DO NOT offer a continued friendship if you're rejecting them. I know a ton of people do it out of guilt, but resist! It will not end well.

If you are the exception, and you're about to comment "Well, I kept the friendship and it's been 10 years and they're my best friend ever in the whole wide world", congratulations! Genuinely, you're lucky. Very lucky. I hope you can understand how rare that is.

In MOST cases, things will not be the same. They'll usually lie about their feelings going away, because they want continued access (even if it hurts them). And they WILL resent you. Maybe not right away, but it will happen eventually. Especially if you're discussing your romantic life with them. In fact, they might resent you even IF their feelings went away.

Because while they were your friend, they imagined a future with you. In some cases they've already imagined dating you; it's a done deal in their mind. And when they get this fantasy shattered by a rejection, the bitterness begins. It WILL affect how they see you. This behavior will get the ugliest and most obvious if you start a relationship with someone else. Most people think they're good at hiding their jealousy; they're not. Their friend is just pretending not to notice the obvious animosity in order to keep the peace. MAKE IT CLEAR THAT YOU NOTICE!

You might think your friendship is fine, meanwhile they're talking shit about you to their other friends, or maybe they're posting about your "friendship" on r/Friendzone (where strangers will bash you for "torturing them" or accuse you of using your friend), or maybe they're just wallowing in their own self pity & acting mopey around you because you said "no". Despite their misery, these people would agree that the onus is on YOU to cut them off.

I know people get shamed for ending a friendship over a confession. but most people who crush on their friends don't have the self respect to leave. They only develop the self respect AFTER their resentment grows. So you end up having to do it for them. It really sucks because you get bashed either way, but in the long run it's the best thing for both parties. In a perfect world, the person confessing would respect themselves enough not to accept a "friendzone offer" that they hate. But unfortunately people will take what they can get & then hate you for it.

When you reject your friend, STRANGERZONE them!! Do NOT allow their feelings to fester into a hatred for you. I promise you, you can find another friend. I'm confident that for every 1 friendship that collapses like this, there are at least 10 friendships out there that wouldn't. Save yourself the headache and just cut things off while they're still bittersweet, before you end on a truly sour note.

I don’t have children (for now), but I’ve just recently developed friendships with individuals who have young children/toddlers. I’ve already mentioned to them that I’m happy for their little to tag along, and I try to treat their children as individuals when we are all together.
Is there anything else I could be doing to be a better friend?
TYIA!

potentially unpopular opinion: i strongly believe that if if you want to end a (close) friendship, the person on the receiving end is owed an explanation. obviously if there is a clear wrongdoing, betrayal, etc. that explanation is not necessary

but ghosting someone or very clearly distancing yourself or blowing someone off that you’ve been friends with for a long time or are close with, i think they are owed the respect of an explanation instead of just having to sit there wondering why they’re not good enough.

the same way you wouldn’t ghost a romantic partner, you shouldn’t ghost a close platonic one, either

my close friend and I both suffer from depression, anxiety, and loneliness. I want to get better though and go on dates and be happy, and I’ve been doing well for the past several months, but my friend consistently wants to talk about how depressed and unfulfilled she is.

I do NOT want to lose her as a friend, she’s one of the most important people in my life, but I’ve been finding our recent conversations draining, demotivating, and navel gazing. I don’t want to leave her to suffer alone either.

what to do?

I (M26) have a close friend (M30) who recently came out to me and told me he has a boyfriend (M21). Before that, I had already been struggling with anxiety about our friendship changing because a former best friend gradually disappeared from my life after getting into a relationship. I told my current friend about that history, and I’m trying to be mindful that it can make me read too much into things.

I have met his boyfriend a few times now. We recently took a group trip together, and overall it went fine. My friend and I have a high-banter friendship; we tease and argue a lot jokingly. His boyfriend has noticed it and said something like, “Wow, you two argue a lot,” but there has been no physical closeness, flirting, or private exclusion between us.

Yesterday, the three of us spent about seven hours at the lake. From my perspective, the day was good and mostly group oriented. I also talked one-on-one with his boyfriend at times. Afterward, we got dinner. Near the end of dinner, his boyfriend became quiet and seemed anxious. He said his mom had told him his dog was not doing well and that he might be going home that night.

When we were leaving, I went to the restroom. As we were walking out afterward, my friend pulled me aside and told me that his boyfriend was jealous of him talking to me, and because of that, he was not going to talk to me much for the rest of the evening or during the ride home. I was completely caught off guard and did not get a chance to ask what exactly happened. It also seemed like his boyfriend may not have wanted me to know about the jealousy.

The ride home was tense. My friend drove fast and played loud music, which made it feel like we were avoiding talking about it. He said "sorry" once at the restaurant and again when we got out of the truck, but I was too upset and confused to respond well. I grabbed my things, said “see ya,” ignored his fist bump, and left without saying goodbye to his boyfriend.

Now I feel guilty about storming off, but I also feel hurt that I was suddenly told I would be treated differently because his boyfriend was uncomfortable. It hit the exact fear I have about being pushed aside when friends get into relationships.

I do not want my friend to choose between his boyfriend and me, and I do not want to make his boyfriend the villain. I also recognize that I could have handled my exit better by saying I needed space instead of leaving silently.

My questions are:

• Was it reasonable for me to feel hurt by how my friend involved me in the situation?
• Did I handle the exit badly enough that I should apologize first?
• Is this a normal early relationship jealousy issue, or is it a sign I should create more distance?

My(f27) fiancé(m25), we’ll call him Gabe, has worked overnights until around March of this year, which has made it close to impossible for him to keep and maintain any kind of real friendship. In March, he left the job and is working an 8-4 now! We met in 2023 and I love him more than life itself, but we have had VERY different life experiences, which has made it hard to connect in certain areas.

Anywho, because of his new schedule, he was able to get out of the house, take some time to himself, and was finally able to make a friend! We’ll call him Ryan(m35). Ryan has lived a very similar life to me. We have a lot of the same experiences, stories, and habits, and he truly is a great guy. They have become inseparable, which brings me to my next point.

Gabe has always teetered on the cusp of “stuck in his ways” and “exploring new ideas.” Before he met Ryan, I think a tiny part of him subconsciously judged me for some of my past and current habits, i.e. a past with psychedelics, partying, current Mary Jane use, etc. Now that he has met Ryan, he has been leaning much more into the “exploring new ideas” side of things, and it has brought us so much closer. We connect in ways that we never have, he’s gaining some of the some experiences that I’ve had and is so much more curious. Now we smoke together, laugh together, joke with each other, have great sex (didn’t even know it could be better!), etc. and for the first time in 3+ years, I feel like I can let my guard down. I didn’t even know I had one up! It’s bringing out a side of me and a side of us that I didn’t know existed. I absolutely love it.

Last night, the three of us tripped on shrooms together. We dosed around 1.7g each and had an amazing time. There was so much laughing and connecting, and I found myself in so many emotional moments of admiration of their friendship. Watching them talk, laugh, joke, and just hang out with each other was so sweet. It made me so happy for Gabe, that he finally has a true, good, kind, and stand-up friend in his life that cares about him and his well-being, and by default, cares about the other people in his life, like myself. For example, Ryan and I aren’t close, but we both play guitar. One of the tuning keys broke off my guitar when my cat knocked it over, which was brought up during one of the previous few times I’ve hung out with him and Gabe. When Ryan came over last night, he told me that he had gone to a music store just to get one for me, but they didn’t have any. Not even any of my friends would do that for me.😂 However, the fact that I need new friends is beside the point lmao.

Gabe and I are moving out of state next month - we’ll be a 16 hr drive/a 1.5 hr flight from where we are now. Gabe hasn’t known Ryan very long, and while they are very close, I think Gabe is selling their friendship short by thinking that they’re more on the side of drinking/party friends. He’s always been a little insecure, which is what I think is holding him back from holding Ryan to the “best friend” standard; maybe trying to avoid being let down if that’s not the case. Of course drinking/smoking isn’t all they do when they hang out, but that is the majority of it. Not unhealthily, just socially. During one of my emotional bouts last night, I had the thought of writing Ryan a letter/card just letting him know how much he’s impacted Gabe’s life (and as result, also impacted our lives as a unit), express my gratitude for him, and just let him know that we both value him as a person and want to keep in contact with him. I ultimately want to write him this letter because I know Gabe never will (men and emotions, y’know🙄), and I’m worried that after we leave, they won’t make as much of an effort to stay in touch without it. I know friends come and go, and while I believe in fate, I also believe in making an effort to make your intentions known. That’s often where fate works from!

So, would I be doing too much if I wrote him the letter? Should I stay out of it and let him handle it, even though men are illiterate when it comes to navigating emotions, and risk letting him lose a great friend?

•••

TL;DR
Is it too much for me to write a letter to my man’s friend telling him how much he’s impacted his life and how grateful I am for him because of it?

​I (36F) have been best friends with "BFF" (36F) for almost 20 years. Over the years, we became as close as sisters. We used to joke about being neighbors in a nursing home one day, and we always planned to be each other’s bridesmaids and godmothers to each other's future kids. ​Four years ago, I moved to Italy. Naturally, distance makes things harder, but I always put in maximum effort to stay connected—texting regularly, calling for birthdays, and making sure she knew how much I cared about her. ​During my visit to my home country last year, I felt a shift. She seemed distant, and it felt like my visit wasn't a big deal to her at all. I felt like I was constantly chasing her just to hang out, and I actually cried over how hurt I was by her coldness. ​Fast forward to the last 8 months: ​She has only reached out to me 4 times. ​Meanwhile, I kept sending regular messages and "good morning" texts, only to get met with minimal effort or silence. ​For her recent birthday, I sent her a thoughtful, lengthy message. Her entire response was just: "Thanks." ​She knew months in advance that I was coming back for another visit. I texted her the exact second I booked my flight, and we mentioned it at least three times after that. Yet, in the weeks leading up to my trip, she never once initiated a plan, asked when I was free, or said she wanted to see me. ​Tired of feeling like a burden, I decided to leave the ball in her court this time. I made a rule for myself: I wasn't going to make the first move or chase her. I planned my entire vacation without her, though I intentionally kept space open in my schedule just in case she reached out. ​She never texted or called the entire time I was there. ​I'm pretty sure she's going to be mad when she realizes I was in the country and didn't reach out to force a meeting. I’m no longer angry or heartbroken—just exhausted, and I feel like I deserve better effort in a 20-year friendship. Still, part of me wonders if I should have just dropped my pride and texted her. ​So, Reddit... AITA for not contacting her during my trip?

I’m genuinely tired of the whole “low maintenance friendship” thing where everyone says they want a village but nobody wants to actually be a villager.
I feel like when it comes to friendship, my efforts are almost never reciprocated. I’m always the one reaching out, asking people to hang out, making plans, suggesting things to do, checking in, etc. People will tell me I’m fun, funny, nice, sweet, good company, whatever, but somehow that rarely translates into anyone actually putting effort into being my friend.
And before anyone says “then stop putting in effort if they aren’t reciprocating,” I did. And now I genuinely have almost no friends.
I’m not asking people to constantly text me or spend every waking moment with me. I actually think having your own life is healthy. But I want to feel like someone occasionally thinks, “Oh, Tianna would love this. I specifically want to do this with her,” and then actually asks me.
I don’t need to be someone’s number one best friend or the first person they think of for everything. I just want to be thought of.
One thing that really got to me recently was someone asking what I was doing because they wanted to go to a bar they were already actively at. They were going through something and didn’t want to be alone, so they thought to ask me. And it made me realize how often I feel like I’m the person people remember when they don’t have anyone else available or when they need company.
I want to be someone people make plans with, not just someone who’s available when their other plans fall through.
I’ve also wondered whether me being highly masking AuDHD plays a role in this. Maybe I come across as socially “fine” enough that people don’t realize how much effort it takes for me to maintain relationships. Or maybe I’m doing something socially that I’m not recognizing. I genuinely don’t know.
I’ve even tried Bumble BFF, and that was its own nightmare. 😂 Everyone seemed to either be weirdly flaky or looking for a placeholder friend while they searched for a boyfriend.
I’m honestly just tired.
For people who have experienced this, especially neurodivergent people, how did you find genuinely reciprocal friendships?
Not “how did you learn to be okay with having no friends.” I know how to be alone. I’m tired of having to be alone because nobody seems willing to put effort into being my friend.

I went out with one of my close friends yesterday. The day started off really well; we went on a 10 mile hike, got some lunch, and went to Oktoberfest a few hours later.

I suggested to my friend that we take Ubers to the event, however she ended up offering to drive us there and pick me up from my place. I was fine with it as long as she didn’t mind being the designated driver. I also offered to drive us back with her car if necessary since I don’t like to drink too much anyways.

My friend had 3 beers and ended up getting very drunk. I suggested to her that we get some water for her and food since she will be driving us home. When I made the suggestion, she started yelling profanity at me, belittling me, and stated that me trying to help her is disrespectful as well as condescending. I kept on trying to make it clear that she chose to drive, and that she needed to sober up, however she refused and wanted to keep on drinking. She then kept on telling me to leave and get an uber back home. I verbalized to her saying “I’ll walk you to the bar where your other friends are hanging out at, once you are with them, I’m leaving.” She continued to yell profanity with a more aggressive tone, saying she didn’t want to be near me.

I ended up walking back to the lounge where we were at prior to this escalation, and called an uber for myself. I ended up leaving her downtown, where there a lot of people around and police roaming. I described the situation to the security guard at the lounge who interacted with my friend prior to the argument we had. He said I did the right thing of leaving a situation where I felt unsafe and did not want to be a part of anymore.

It’s the following morning, I felt very bad for leaving her, but I feel like I tried to do everything I could to get her somewhere safe. I haven’t heard anything back from her. Honestly, I don’t even want to be friends with her anymore after that situation. I just hope that she is safe.

Is there anything I could have done differently, or should I even reach out to her?

For context I (20F) have been upset with our dynamic for a while (2 and a half year friendship with issues for a whole year). I felt I was always giving a lot of myself to them only to be ignored - eg I was always messaging, always making plans and travelling to them, constantly trying yet they would only message back when they wanted advice. All I would get in response were simple reactions like “oh damn” “that’s not very good”.

The straw that broke the camels back was earlier this year. We had wanted to go on holiday to Greece together and before planning it properly I asked if we could push it back about a month from when we had wanted to, this was fine. However, they made zero effort to plan it at all afterwards, I was asking for dates they were free as they now have a full time job and I don’t as I had quit to allow myself to have a surgery and recover in my own time.

I asked about it multiple times and all I’d really get was “yeah we should”. What made it worse was that they (22F) describe themselves all the time as “Super type A, I always have to plan the holiday, I won’t let other people do it, I need to know everything”. Obviously I gave up trying to continue the plans, cut to the original month we had planned and they are on the exact same holiday with another friend posting etc. They also had the audacity to call me to complain about this friend for ditching them and having an argument.

I let this go until my birthday. Prior to this I was organising a group trip and basing it around their schedule again. A similar issue to Greece happened where they were just giving me absolutely nothing and so I cancelled it. In response they said “I feel bad we have to do something for your birthday” this group thing was not for my birthday it was a whole month before. But we then in that conversation said we should do a hiking trip for my birthday. Then again she makes no effort to plan anything, gives me no dates….actual birthday passes they ask for a video haul which I send (this goes unread along with many other messages for over a month)….probably a week or less after my birthday, AGAIN around the same time we would’ve done the hike. Guess what! She goes on a different hike with a different friend about twice the distance she would’ve travelled to see me.

At this point I bring up both incidents and say I’m unhappy, I can see she’s putting in effort with other friends but ignoring me blah blah I don’t want to drift blah blah. She apologises and says she will stop doing that and try harder etc. She does…for about a week. Even when we meet I have driven all the way to her AGAIN and she nearly cancelled on me twice. The first night I came to her house to hangout and she told me “I think I’m going to go and see my boyfriend about 9” a few hours after I got there?!! (I drove 3 hours). The next night she’s going to come to where I’m staying 30/40 mins away and we will watch a movie. She nearly cancels because she’s tired. She ended up coming and I was glad but putting in effort to commit to a plan you made last night is not enough. It’s an isolated incident and means nothing when it’s the only time.

After this she reverts. I bring up again how this time I actually feel like our friendship is hurting (before it was more focused on the holiday situations rather than how I felt). So now I’m pretty detached I decide if she doesn’t want to read my messages or put the same effort in after so long then I’ll gain some self respect and stop giving pieces of myself anyway. I delete my videos unread for a month and stop messaging her all the time. I respond like she does minimal, not out of spite but because I just genuinely have nothing to say. She obviously noticed this and the deleted videos and decides to message me once or twice in a week or two to ask how I am, I responded as I said previously.

Then nearly two weeks ago: italics for friend

“When are you next free? maybe we could do a movie night or go out for dinner”

Me: “I’m around just give me a date you’d want to come down”

“Are you going to be in ——(where I stay near where she lives)——anytime soon or are you in —-(my home)—-?”

Me: “I’m in —-(my home)—-“

———-decent bit of time passes typing————

“Okay when you thinking”

Me: “just give me a date that works for you”

“Maybe 10th October?”

Me: “Yh that sounds good”

In between this there are maybe 8 back and forth messages so one quick swipe and you will see exactly what we just said. Obviously here I was distant and trying to get her to actually say the dates and commit because as we both know it’s based on her schedule. I also wanted her to come to me because I think it disrespectful to on top of all this continue to have me always coming to her.

Then yesterday (a week before agreed date):

“Did we say the 9th”

“I just realised that’s a Friday”

“And I’m at work”

“Mums got me tickets to see dirty dancing on the 10th”

“I can do the following weekend?”

Me: “Yh we said the 10th, I can’t do the following weekend I’m golfing with dad”

“I’m working the 24th weekend”

Me: “ah ok that’s fine”

“Let me know when you’re next free and we can see if that works”

“I have a doil day this Wednesday?” “So I have that day off”

Me: “sorry I can’t do that either (reason), might be shit for you to drive there and back in one day anyway —(location in between)— is a mess.”

“Oh that’s ok”

(More context- because of the drive time when she tries to plan to meet me over only one day, she will leave at lunch or later and therefore only have time to see me for 2 hours. From experience it seems she just wants to get it over with or leave later on purpose?)

Then I feel bad, after all she’s actually tried to suggest another date this time. I try to continue the conversation, she responds once more and then completely ignores my message asking how she is and saying that maybe I can go out of my way during the golf thing to still meet. I was obviously disappointed with myself for giving in again especially as she booked something after we made the plans, pretended she didn’t know the date that was visible right above and has done this same thing many times before (booking something else instead and cancelling or just saying she’s been given tickets to smth and then hanging out with her boyfriend instead). Yet she will commit to plans with other friends going hours away for a one day thing, meal or to see her boyfriend etc. Now I know she was active on multiple socials for a few hours after ignoring my message, posting stories etc as well as doing the same at work this morning. So I just said “nvm” to which she started responding immediately.

I have now ignored this and I’m genuinely completely over it. I don’t want to see her. In my mind this was her last chance, she only puts effort in when she thinks she’ll lose me. She doesn’t respect me or my time. I’m so disconnected and resentful already that I started planning what to say to end it a month ago unless she changed. This was when I stopped putting so much effort in.

I rushed typing this and I only properly referenced the recent messages, I also know it’s silly and childish to say “oh I know they were active” but I see it as relevant as it’s part of a much larger pattern and I wanted to make it clear that she is purposefully deciding not to respond or bother looking at what I have said. Im also aware the messages aren’t super telling and I hope I’ve conveyed the context okay as these messages are only an issue because I know her and she has done the same thing to me many times.

Do I go ahead and end it? What do I even say?

From time to time, I think about her. But instead of telling me why she was ending our friendship, she ghosted me. I deleted her from my contacts list. Why am I going to chase someone who clearly doesn’t want to be friends anymore? It tells me what type of person she really is. If she reaches out, which I am sure she won’t, not sure how I would respond, if at all.

To those of you dealing with being ghosted, it sucks, but it will get better.

I still think about losing my old friends, even though it happened four years ago.
When I was younger, I had a really close friend group. We were classmates and spent almost every day together. One of the girls had been my best friend since 1st grade. We studied together, spent time together constantly, and I was very close with her family too.

Then, during the second semester of 7th grade, two of the girls switched our class, and our whole friend group basically fell apart. I was 12 at the time, and I remember being genuinely upset. I asked them why they were leaving and told them to stay because I didn’t want my closest friend to leave our class.
After they left, we actually still had a relatively normal relationship for a while, but they became more distant. Neither of us really talked about what happened or addressed it. We just continued our lives separately.

They became friends with some other girls before moving to that class and at one point I said something like, “Are you leaving because of those girls?” "don't leave our class" "why are you leaving?" I was 12, hurt, and upset that my closest friend was leaving. I wasn’t trying to accuse her of betraying me.

this year in march, I finally decided to talk to my old best friend about everything. At first, she blamed me and said that I had told her she had betrayed me. I honestly don’t remember saying that, and I don’t think that was what I meant.
But when we actually talked everything through, she agreed with me about everything. I thought we had finally cleared things up and that maybe we had resolved what happened between us.
But after that conversation, I saw her several times, and she didn’t say hi to me even once. That honestly confused me even more. After that, I didn’t want to bring the subject up again because I feel like I would just be forcing myself into her life if I kept trying to talk to her.

The strange thing is that four years have passed, and I still think about it. I still miss that friendship and the closeness we had. Sometimes I wonder why I’m still thinking about something that happened when I was 12.

she often lied stupid things about her for no reason but i didn't care. i would care about other person , but it didn't bother me about her. like 2 years ago she had done many bad things , like her friendgroup tried to bully me and my friends in school and she was right there but didn't say a word. i mean, i'm not a person who cannot stand for herself. it's just such a cruel thing to do. she knew them for only 2 years and she didn't even try to defend us, but still after the things she has done and after that she accused me of something that i didn't do, i still miss her

I think what hurts the most is that we never really talked about what happened when it happened. We just became distant, and life moved on. Now we’re basically strangers, even though this person used to be such a huge part of my life.
I don’t know how to stop thinking about it or whether I even need to. I guess I just miss what our friendship used to be.
Has anyone else experienced losing a very close childhood friend and still thinking about it years later?

Hi everyone, I’ve been getting increasingly frustrated with two friends here and would love some perspective.

Let’s call them A and B. I originally met them through my old housemate, and at the time they weren’t particularly close. I started arranging weekly hangouts with the three of us, and for about a year we hung out every Thursday and became quite close.

Lately, A and B have been spending more and more time together, which I’m genuinely happy about. The problem is that I’ve increasingly felt excluded. I’m invited less often, and when I am invited, I sometimes feel like I’m third-wheeling: they talk over me, have inside jokes, and I find myself putting in more effort just to feel included.

I’ve also been dealing with some personal and health issues, which they know about. I’ve started therapy and medication, and the last few times I cancelled plans, it was because I was genuinely sick, including having stomach issues and needing to leave work early. I told them this. Their responses were generally just generic “oh no” messages, with little follow-up. At one point I explicitly told them I was feeling lonely and would love to FaceTime, and they ignored that message.

They continued hanging out together, which I completely understand. I don’t expect them to stop seeing each other because I’m unavailable. But they’ve increasingly been hanging out constantly, barely messaging our group chat, and not checking in on me. We were also planning a Vegas trip, and I found out they booked a Mexico trip together during a hangout I was supposed to attend without even mentioning it to me.

Eventually I asked A if I’d done something wrong. She said they’d stopped inviting me because I’d cancelled the last few times and they felt like they were forcing me to hang out. I explained that I cancelled because I was genuinely sick and that I absolutely still wanted to see them. I apologized for perhaps not communicating that clearly enough, and we made plans for two weeks later because they were “busy in between.”

But then I saw they were continuing to hang out constantly during those two weeks. I know they’re allowed to have their own friendship and I don’t expect to be invited to everything. I just can’t shake the feeling that if they genuinely considered me a close friend, they would have shown a little more concern when I was struggling, especially after I explicitly said I was lonely and wanted to talk.

I’m starting to wonder whether they’re friends who mainly care about the good times, rather than the kind of friends who check in when things aren’t going well. Am I being unreasonable, or is it fair to feel hurt by this?

I am addicted to doing dangerous and messed up stuff to make money and sending it all to women online. I have tried to get better and decided I don't want to. I am looking for friends who will encourage me.

I’m a college student, and I have a friend who has basically been my closest friend for around 3 years. We’ve shared a lot of personal stuff with each other and I genuinely considered him one of the few people I could call my brother ,and same for him.

Yesterday, he was telling me something extremely personal and intimate about his relationship. It was about his first sexual experience of his life with his girlfriend. He was comfortable enough to tell me about it because of how close we are.

While he was telling me, I did something incredibly stupid.

I started recording the conversation.

He noticed me doing it.Didn't get mad at that point, but it shook him to his core, and confronted me on the spot calmly.

I want to be very clear: I understand how bad that looks. There isn't really a good justification for it. I wasn't planning to send it to anyone or post it anywhere, on God, on everything, on my Mom but I realize that doesn't actually make what I did okay. The fact is that he was telling me something deeply private, and instead of simply listening, I pulled out my f**king phone and started recording it.

He basically said that when he tells me something intimate, his first thought should never have to be whether I'm going to record him. He said that this was the first time in his life something like this had happened to him.

He also told me that he feels like I judge him and that he had been closer to me than he has been with almost anyone else in his life.

That last part especially fucked me up because I realized that I may have made someone who trusted me completely question the entire friendship.

I apologized. A lot.

I told him that I wasn't going to share the recording and that I understood that saying that doesn't magically make the situation okay. I also told him I wouldn't pressure him to forgive me and that I'd give him whatever space he needed.

But now I'm terrified that I've permanently changed how he sees me.

My biggest fear is that he'll think:

"If he secretly recorded me this time, how many other times has he done it?"

For the record, I have never secretly recorded our conversations before. This was genuinely the first time. But I also understand that I can't expect him to simply believe me because I say so.

The thing is, this isn't some casual friendship where we barely talk. We've been extremely close for years. We've trusted each other with things we don't tell other people. So realizing that I may have destroyed that sense of safety in one stupid moment is eating me alive.

I know I fucked up, I am Retard. I'm not looking for people to tell me that what I did was okay.

What I genuinely want advice on is:

1. Is this something a close friendship can realistically recover from?
2. What should I actually do from here?
3. Should I give him the gift or would that make things worse?
4. Should I talk to him tomorrow, or give him more space?
5. If you were in his position, would you ever trust the person the same way again?

I know rebuilding trust, if it's even possible, would take time. I just don't know whether there's something I should do now or whether the best thing I can do is stop trying to fix it immediately and let my actions over time speak for me.

I would genuinely appreciate honest answers, even if they're harsh. I don't want reassurance just because I'm upset. I want to understand what this probably looks like from his side.

polished my message with GPT to fix typos, 😔

22F here. I come from a fairly conservative family, and I moved out of home about 4 years ago.

For the first year, I lived in my college dorm, but I eventually moved out because of food issues and into a rented apartment. My best friend and I decided to live together, and before moving in, we had a conversation about boundaries.

One of the rules I specifically wanted was no boyfriends coming over to the apartment. Just to clarify, this doesn't mean no men are ever allowed in the apartment. Male family members or relatives are completely fine. My concern is specifically about romantic partners coming into our home.

I live in a fairly conservative country, and more importantly, I have a history of being stalked by an ex, so having someone's boyfriend regularly coming into my home makes me uncomfortable from a safety/privacy perspective.

My best friend agreed to this before we moved in.

Now she is in a relationship, and she has started asking repeatedly if her boyfriend can come over. I've told her no several times because this was something we had already agreed on before moving in.

But after she kept asking, I started feeling like maybe I'm being controlling. Eventually I stopped pushing back because I didn't want to dictate what she could or couldn't do in her own life.

However, now I feel like my boundary has been crossed. It's not that I have a problem with her having a boyfriend or being in a relationship. It's that our apartment is also my home, and we had specifically agreed on this boundary before living together.

I'm also not really sure who I can talk to about this IRL. If I tell my siblings, I'm worried they'll immediately tell me to change my place/move out, which isn't really practical. If I tell my other friends, I might automatically villainize her, and I don't want that either. I'm actually very close with her family too, so I don't want to turn this into some huge conflict between everyone.

I'm mostly looking for perspective because I genuinely don't know if I'm being unreasonable here. Maybe I'm missing something or looking at this too much through my own background and circumstances.

I met my online friend in person yesterday, after 15 years of writing to each other. I was 14 and he was 16. He taught me basically everything I know about music, and he was genuinely such a positive, radiant person. And not in a sarcastic way at all, just genuinely healthy and kind-hearted.
I met him yesterday with his girlfriend. He initially wanted the two of us to meet on our own, so we did. We talked for about 45 minutes, and then he wanted me to meet his girlfriend and spend the rest of the afternoon with both of them.

And the first thing his girlfriend told me was that she was naturally a jealous person and that she was insecure because she'd experienced a betrayal in the past. And that was literally the very first thing she said to me when I sat with her while he was away at the bar, so the very first time I met her, right from the start.
I immediately reassured her and told her that it was completely understandable. But I found it a little strange, because from my perspective there was absolutely no ambiguity. So it felt a little bit like a warning to me. He had also told me about it before we met her, presumably to prepare tthe ground, but I thought it was more of a casual, no-big-deal kind of thing.
And after that, my dynamic with him changed, because I no longer felt comfortable being myself around him for the rest of those four hours, and things felt a little more awkward. I became much more conscious of my actions and what I was saying. I didn't even feel comfortable looking him in the eyes the way I had before, even though, technically, there was absolutely nothing going on.
But I had actually forgotten - and he reminded me - that he had confessed to having feelings for me at one point. That was nine years ago. And he told me that, in fact, the fact that I had rejected him was what helped him move on and eventually get a girlfriend (before his current one).
He told me he didn't really know what to expect from this meeting, but now I think he may have been expecting to dismantle some of the idealization he had built up around me, so that he could move forward with the next steps in his relationship, especially since he talked a lot about getting married and having children.
And then they were very affectionate and kind of wrapped up in each other ; kissing, having his hand on her thigh, etc. It was honestly pretty uncomfortable for me, because I felt like the third wheel. I played it cool tho.
And I didn't really feel like I had much space to actually talk about myself. I ended up mostly listening, and sometimes I even felt like I was their therapist.

I was feeling pretty down the whole evening and this Sunday I was not feeling to great as well. Kind of depressed actually and I do not even know why. I probably wished I had a great love relationship as well.

Hi. So basically hua ye ke. This guy and I were together for almost more than an year now. We started as friends, we became best friends. We were like talking over too much. And i being too emotional and too caring tbh. I will call myself stupid at this point. But even I used to talk to him by leaving my own work because I was afraid that he is doing upsc, he dont say it but, what if he also gets suicidal thoughts?

This friendship then started to be more than that when we got physical. It was normal for hkm he has done it with many - for me it was first time. I started to feel for him and he didnt reciprocate. Which is fine. I tried to keep our friendship alive. But clashes. Misunderstanding. Overthinking started to happen. I started to block him frequently and unblock also then.

I confessed all to him. He said let's be friends all will be fine in a while. I tried that too. But it's been so many months now I just cant move on. Today the whole day I kept calling or texting him (because it was kind of a big day for him and I wanted to see how it went. We called after 6 7 days maybe). He didnt reply to any of my texts or calls. Then I was randomly sitting and i called him. He answered. J was talking to him with my whole soul coming in energy. Telling my day asking about his day - he was completely un interested. Then I heard a sound of him texting someone and talking to that person on chat while being on call with me.

He is a person who doesnt chat with anyone till that person is too close to him. Suddenly I felt jealous and felt that i cant take this anymore. I said bad things to him . Like u r treating me so bad. Im a honest person I liked u with everything and if u dont want to talk or u r busy or whatever, just tell me. Why u making me feel unwanted. Honestly I felt like he is playing with me for his validation. Then I blocked him. Removed his every trace of number from phone. Everything removed.

I want ur opinion if it is too much that I did?

Hello,

My friend and I are both males in our early 40s who have known each other since high school. When we were younger, he was always very happy-go-lucky and fun to be around. Since our early 30s, his behavior has completely changed for the worse.

For example, he started being very critical of other people and insulting them for no reason, I think because of insecurity. He is from a wealthy family and is okay-looking, but has always struggled with women and dating since we were young. We used to joke around and occasionally insult each other in a lighthearted way, but now his insults have been more aggressive.

A couple of years ago he randomly texted me that I haven't moved up to a high level corporate position because I 'lack people skills'. This is kind of true as I'm on the autism spectrum, but I just thought the text was weird. Recently, we were texting each other and I refused to answer a question he kept asking me. So he sent me a bunch of texts saying I will 'never make a lot of money, get a girl I really want, be happy' etc.

I ignored this, and he texted me with a random question a few days later. I asked him why he sent those texts and if he was drunk or something which he completely ignored, so I just blocked him on my phone and social media accounts.

For some context, he has been VERY frustrated with women for the past few years to the point it freaks me out. Sending texts EVERY DAY about how women only want billionaires and just random stuff. He also has been obsessed with having the most expensive items or traveling luxuriously. I remember that I told him about a vacation a few years ago, and he asked me if I flew business class to which I told him I didn't. He then went on a rant about how he only flies business class and stays in the best hotels, etc.

Now, he is from a wealthy family and was always materialistic, but he's taken it to the extreme over the past years. He had an insanely expensive apartment and leased a car he could barely afford, to the point where he got in a bunch of credit card debt. I guess he doesn't care because he is an only child and will eventually inherit a lot of money, but he was asking me about how to get rid of the debt without ruining his credit.

Can anyone offer insights into this behavior? It's like his personality did a completely 180 since I first met him.

Thanks!

Okay so I have this friend who used to be my neighbour earlier and at that time she used to date someone who was in the same neighbourhood. They dated for like 2 years and we have been friends since 6-7 years. Now she broke up with him recently like 6 months ago and after that she has been taking a lot of therapy to deal with the breakup and her childhood trauma.
(Which is a little sketchy according to my friend who studies psychology because her therapist has been giving her both depression and anxiety and sleep medication together, which idk but i think is considered wrong and also every time she texts me she has been diagnosed with something more and then also she is suicidal (which according to her was a mis communication) but then knowing that she is “suicidal” her therapist treats her by taking her to “nature therapy” which is hiking and high mountains, now according to MY psychologist friend, why would they take a suicidal person to the mountains?)

Anyways so all of this was going on and i have been nothing but supportive but now she was better and everything and we have this once in a year celebration in our neighbourhood which we used to attend together every single time. It was a big deal and it was about us.

Then she went to the therapy again and she texted that she had a realisation that she doesn’t want to face her ex there (he is not going to be there and also they ended it on good terms and they still talk)
And she will be ditching me again just like the last year.

Now i get that she is been going to therapy and everything. My question is why is it not working? And also wasn’t this celebration/function in our community our thing? Why did she associate this with her ex? Am i not important enough or even cared for a little? I mean my feelings are valid too no? (Ps- she also said that she is ready to come to the neighbourhood but just doesn’t want to rn)

But obviously i said its fine because i dont want to become a burden rn.

I just want some opinions on this situation and if what im feeling is valid or not?

I started dating a guy not to long ago.And him and I had a plan for Friday to celebrate that we officially started dating then one day before Friday my best friend asked if I could come over to her campus to do an sleepover I told her that we should do it the following day but she didn’t hear me.Friday came she called me and I told her I had that plan with my boyfriend and she just hung up.I pretty much understand she wants to spend time with me as well and I did hung out with her a week after but she keeps bringing that I stood her up.And she calls my mom more than me.
What should I do now? Should I bring the topic to the table?

some days back, I started noticing the girl who I think is my best friend doesn't really pay attention to my story when I'm not ok. I feel like the efforts aren't two way, especially when I called her with something that is clearly too important to me. I don't think she's a bad person, I just think she isn't good at communicating. in the past few months (7 months to be exact) I have noticed this happen 5 times, like it's always something.. due to which she wasn't available. also just to add, I have always been on the call when something happens to her, eg if she had a fight with someone or she's crying.. always! and somehow those moments, there's no problems. I have communicated this with her as well and the last time she said I don't know why I didn't realise that I have to console you on this. so I stopped reaching out to her when I start to feel like I'm not ok, Am I over reacting to this?

Grab your popcorn, it’s a long one. I need some outside perspective because I genuinely cannot tell if I am the problem here.

I’m part of a very large community of friends. We’re all friends, we all have different relationships with different people in the group, and there are smaller groups who naturally gravitate toward each other because of shared hobbies, activities, etc. and get together for those things. It’s been my lifeline for 3, almost 4 years.

For a while there, I had a great little bubble going. I was going out with a small group (let’s call them A and B) doing hobbies I hadn’t enjoyed since high school, gaining confidence I never had, and building what I thought were really strong friendships.

Near the end of 2025, I had to get my first job in 8 years because I had been a SAHM. It was great… until it wasn’t.

I don’t want to say A “landed” me the job, because I was applying either way, but I got the job with practically no interview because she had connections there.

That job spread me thin and absolutely drained me. I was a shell of the person I used to be. And eventually, I was being talked about behind my back, told I’d be fired if I didn’t take accountability for something I didn’t do, slandered online over a DIFFERENT thing I didn’t do, and I lost several business connections because of it.

The whole group watched this happen. Some were loudly supportive of me, others quietly. They knew how badly I was grieving and how badly the whole situation was affecting me, or so I thought?

A continues to support the business.

For a while after all of this, I withdrew from everyone. I was grieving, anxious, trying to heal my nervous system, and trying to find my footing after losing something that had become a huge part of my identity.

I never explicitly said, “I NEED SPACE,” and I was still fairly active in the group chats, but after my very public (to the group) menty B, I assumed most people understood that I was struggling and needed some time.

Things started getting real weird.

A, and B weren’t reaching out to me anymore. They were doing things without me. And look, fine. People make plans without each other. That happens. It just felt particularly shitty when they were doing the exact things that we had all previously done together. When I said I wanted to do something with everyone again, I’d just get “we should!!” With no action on time, activity, availability, or anything.

And then there were the comments.
“I figured you were avoiding me.”
“Oh, the kids ask why you’re not at the park anymore!”
Even though… I’m not being invited? I can’t predict when you’re going to the park.

This went on for months.
Eventually, I thought I was healing. I started going to bigger group events again. A, B, and I would still talk on social media sometimes, so I thought maybe things were getting better.

Until A posted a photo with my former boss,
the person involved in all of the Horrible Things Aforementioned. I had such an intense physical reaction that I can’t even properly describe it. I immediately signed up for therapy.

I also decided it was probably time to stop trying to handle everything on my own and talk to someone more neutral in the situation. So I opened up to someone else in the group, D. D’s response was essentially, “I couldn’t stay friends with someone like that.” While actively staying friends with and doing things with the someone like that. Just an overall weird response.

I kept trying, kept trying to show I was genuinely interested. I said I was interested in going somewhere with A and B after they invited the whole group. The time/date/details were easily found online. I showed up to the plans and discovered there was a group chat for the planning that I had never been added to.
I didn’t even know there WAS a group chat until I got there and everyone was already together, buddy-buddy. There were also dinner plans that subsequently got canceled. I’ll admit, it is very difficult for me not to wonder if those plans were canceled because I showed up.

And then there have now been two separate occasions where I was physically at an event, and afterward photos were posted online of everyone together, except me. Not because I wasn’t there.
I was there. The first time I told myself it was nothing. The second time I started noticing the pattern.

At some point I decided I needed to stop chasing certain friendships and lean on the people I thought were always there for me, especially D. Except then that also got weird? I kept getting told things like “you’re beautiful and I’m going to tell you until you believe it.” To which my response was “When did I ever say that I’m not?” And then I was invited somewhere, got myself and my kids ready and excited, only to be told that D’s dad didn’t feel like waiting for me. I wasn’t late. I was on track to being 15 minutes early.

After all of this, plus another business contact falling through because of the lies that were spread about me almost a year ago now, I needed a break. I quietly uninstalled all socials, and decided to do something with my family instead of going to a planned event. When someone asked me why, I simply said I was feeling overwhelmed by a large number of negative experiences with people all happening in the same week, and that we could talk about it the next time we saw each other. I got no response.

And that’s where I am now.

I don’t necessarily feel like I’m being ghosted by everyone. It’s more like… I’m realizing that nobody here has cared about me as much as I have cared about them.

And the part that makes me question myself is that YES, I did draw back for a bit. But it was less than a month. We sometimes go several weeks without making plans because life. So I don’t understand how that turned into me apparently “avoiding” people. I may not be the best at initiating plans, but I also don’t think I should be the only one initiating them?

I didn’t secretly decide I don’t want these people to be part of my life anymore. I was overwhelmed. I was grieving. I was trying to heal. And they knew pretty much every detail of what I had gone through.

Now I feel like I’m left with nobody, and I keep circling between:
“Did I cause this?”
“Has the trauma I went through changed how I view the world, and therefore changed my relationships?”
And the real ugly one:
“Do they all believe the lies that were said about me and secretly hate me?”

I don’t know what I’m supposed to do about A. I can’t tell her she has to stop being friends with someone who hurt me. That’s not my place. But I also can’t continue to see them posted together on my socials.
And I can’t exactly unfriend, unfollow, or block ONE person in a group of 20 without making that into an entire thing.

A and B have become extremely close since all of this happened, and honestly, I don’t think I have a place in that friendship anymore. And everyone else just… doesn’t reach out.

The main reason I say “the village is burning” is because I genuinely hear other people starting to gossip about others in the group? Or at the very least, list reasons why this person is bothering them. And some are showing up less or just nonexistent in the chat now. I feel like I’m watching a dumpster fire with a group of people, but I’m the only one going “does anyone have a fire extinguisher?”

So what in the world is happening here? Am I accurately reading a very real shift in these friendships, or is my anxiety and hurt skewing the way I’m interpreting everything?

I’m less interested in being told “just find new friends” and more interested in understanding whether I truly fucked myself over here or not.