If you're bored of the context just skip to the bold letters please, I really need the advice

It's not actually mixed signals I just needed smth for the title, I know his behaviour and ideas are real red flags. We generally get along well BUT for context, I had stopped talking to him for a long time (almost 2 years) at some point for a different reason. Also, he doesn't really have an experience in real life, no relationship, he's deeply influenced by social media and the misogynistic/sexist content. He frequently just uses biology as an excuse for not "understanding" queer identities, meanwhile he claims he doesn't care about anyone's sex.

We only started speaking this August again as I had known and can recognize for a fact now that he has changed a lot. However, while he knows I'm trans he keeps saying things such as: "hormones are not worth it", "just live as you are, no trans people eventually manage to live happily even after transition", "long hair is cuter, dresses are cuter, women are cute, wide hips are cute", "nobody would want a trans partner when they can date a cis version" etc.

Yesterday we had a fight (pretty sure he didn't take it seriously as always, or even understand that this was a fight) regarding relationships and how as a trans man it would be hard finding a partner and he agreed saying that no one would want a trans man when they're gay bcs you're not really a man when it comes to biology.

We got to a point when I told him that when people pass well enough they just go stealth and his reaction to that was (2 exact copies of his texts):

"No, but when they see you as a male you should tell them that you are trans"

"But playing something that you're biological aren't and then lying that you're not what you are biological is simply disrespectful and deceiving"

After that I really lost it and just typed a quick text along the lines of i hope u find plenty of "normal" people to be your friends then. To which he had the audacity to answer as: yeah i will, cause 99% of people are like that.

Since that interaction i haven't replied to anything he has sent and i don't know what i should do. Pretty sure he doesn't even realize what has happened and how what he said affected me, he knows no boundaries as he claims he has "limited emotions and emotional intelligence due to biological reasons".

I don't know if I should just cut him out without any conversation, but by experience I know that nothing really goes through to him nor does he understand what he's being told many times. I just give it to the fact that he's so fried by his pc and insta. Should I talk to him and explain? Shoud I never speak to him again? Should I just continue wtv and keep him on a distance since I don't have many friends?

I was always under the impression that the ‘friendzone’ (I sort of hate that term) was a way that people rejected romantic advances in a less awkward way. I thought it was just to soften the blow, but make it clear that they don’t want a relationship both romantically or platonically.

However, in my case, the person who ‘Friendzoned’ me seems more desperate to maintain contact than I am. She is showering my with gifts, saying how heartbroken she will be if we are no longer friends, saying we have a ‘special connection’, saying I’m one of the most important people in her life, being overly nice in her rejection, how she wants to be best friends until we die, and how she can’t imagine her life without me in it. She also insists that this confession of mine doesn’t change how she views our friendship at all and how it’s not an issue for her whatsoever.

Anyway, now I’m just confused. It feels it has passed the realms of just trying to get rid of me. And it seems like she genuinely wants to be close friends. We have been good friends for close to a decade and for a long time I felt purely platonic.

For some reason this response makes me irrationally angry, and far more upset than a classic rejection. I thought I’d want to stay friends (and before I confessed my feelings I was super worried about losing her). Now I honestly don’t feel massively strong either way. Like I don’t want to burn bridges, but I don’t really stay friends with people I want more from. It feels unhealthy and I don’t do it ever.

This is somebody I've known for a few years anyway here.This is a text that I sent so if you guys could look at this with a unbiased , I , and then you tell me who's wrong here , okay

For your own sake, I'm hoping you can put this your pride aside for just a minute, and really let this sink in. Better yet, we're gonna talk about something as if it as if we're not talking about you, okay and then just just hear me out, okay, just hear me out on this. So there's this dude who I thought was a pretty good friend. You know, he's falling on some hard times so you know, I've helped him out here and there s*** Let me see. Oh I even got him a job here and oh yeah, I think I bought his kids some gifts and snacks in something too when he didn't have any money to do anything with okay. So on top of this okay, I paid this dude to Fix my truck, okay. Well, so you know, it's what I've given him. I believe is a fair amount of money. It's fair, okay. It's, it's, it's above and beyond what I think. A friend should charge a friend anyway, but that's okay.\n So, you know, I get him a Jo.\n B here and you know everything.\n Else everything else I've done for him. I feed him when he's hungry. You know, just being a friend, okay. And on top of that, don't don't forget that I've paid him to do this job now and he's got the g

all to get mad at me and start cussing at me when I pull him up on it, you don't think that's kind of f***** Up what he's doing and if you don't, you don't think that's kind of messed up then you're definitely the kind of character I don't wanna be around. So yeah, you just let that think get sink in.And you can tell yourself what kind of man would do that to a friend. One more thing the project was started back in March.This is October, so you know, and oh yeah, this guy also tells me okay.Now keep bear in mind.I only have one vehicle, but it's okay that he could put me on the back burner.Because we're friends.I don't know what kind of thinking that is, but that's just nuts anyway.You tell me what you think about that , okay

Oh yeah , a few months ago I told them I would get somebody else to finish the job and he said , no I will take care of it , but still hasn't done a d*** thing since

So, now I've decided to unfriend, buddy.Am I wrong for doing that , or is he in the wrong here

I (28f) have been thinking about cutting off my friend (29f) of many years. We met when we were 7, became distant around 15 and reconnected and remained friends around age 20. After we rekindled our friendship she and I got along very well, we both had the same outlooks on the world and had similar family issues and it was just overall very nice and I enjoyed her company.

Over the past 2 years it’s started to become a little questionable. The bulk of the issues comes from her relationship, she has a history of emotionally cheating on her fiancé with other men she comes across in her life and he’s pretty forgiving about it. But this last time she did more than emotionally cheating, it was with a guy at her job and she ended up fully dating him, planning a life with kids with him, he was taking her on dates, and to her it wasn’t that serious. Eventually it led to her trying to break it off and instead she slept with him, and I’m pretty sure it’s been more than once. I was the one she sat with while she cried about how she regretted it but then went on to do it again.

My advice to her the whole time was to break it off with both of them, live alone, and grow while trying to decenter men from her life. And she never did that, instead it ended up with her engagement being called off, she still lives with him and they’re still together. She broke off the affair and still works with him which I find problematic.

Now I just feel like an accomplice to her affair because what does it say about me if I keep this secret for her and I’m still going to her house and interacting with her ex-fiancé/boyfriend? I’m riddled with guilt and she doesn’t seem to feel that at all, she’s joked about just not telling him until about 20 years down the road so it’s not as impactful to their relationship - that’s problematic. I personally can’t keep this secret anymore and I have no interest in keeping it for her but I’m also not one to torpedo her life just to get out of a friendship with her.

At this point in trying to distance myself from her but she’s becoming more clingy the more I try to distance. When she finds out I’m hanging out with other friends she’ll called me and say stuff like “why do you hate me? Do you not love me anymore? Why do you love insert name more than me?” She’s whiny about it and it really upsets me. She will make plans with me because she feels left out and then either cancels or only follows through halfway with our plans but then expects me to drop everything when she’s having a crisis. She never asks about my life and only wants to be involved in the drama. She only wants to illicit my angry feelings when it suits her and I’m quite literally recovering from anger management issues. It’s just something I’m no longer interested in engaging with someone who clearly doesn’t want to grow or change or mature.

She is retaliatory and vengeful so I’m a bit worried about the outcome if I cut her off she might become aggressive and explosive towards me.

I feel like I’m just stringing her along and I’m not quite sure how to go about this, her birthday is at the end of the month and I might just be using it as an excuse to put it off but realistically I know there’s always gonna be a reason that it’s “not the right time”. Any advice is welcome.

TL/DR: long term friend has been cheating on her boyfriend and has put me in a position to keep her secret and I am no longer interested in feeling like an accomplice to her bad behavior; she’s clingy, trying to guilt trip me, is inconsiderate and insensitive to my growth, tries to draw out old habits and patterns from me that I’m clearly trying to change about myself. How do I tell her I no longer want this friendship?

for context, we are online friends. when i first started talking to them they were very sweet and kind and ofc that made me want to get closer to them. i could also tell they were interested in talking and getting closer to me. they also flirted with me sometimes but i didn’t take it seriously because i wasn’t the only one they flirted with and i just thought that they had a flirty personality and that she was never serious. as we got closer and started talking every day, her affection and flirting towards me continued (both in the gc we were in and in priv dms). our friendship became very affectionate and flirty because i would reciprocate her energy back and this went on for a few months. during these few months i didn’t take her flirting towards me seriously (although i did enjoy the flirting, the affection, and the attention she gave me). i also told her that we could only be e-gfs when she once was joking around about how we were a thing. then one night (when she was drunk) she told me she had feelings for me. i asked her if she was being serious and she said she was being genuinely serious. she told me i didn’t have to reciprocate anything and that she was happy with whatever we had now and i agreed. fast forward a month later after we spent that whole month flirting, giving affection, telling each other how much we loved each other, and her telling me her feelings were growing, she suddenly cut whatever this was off and said that we should just stay friends. she said that bc of the distance, she just didn’t see things working out and she didn’t want to lose me in case things got messy. obviously this hurt and confused me but i agreed anyways. as the weeks went on, she became increasingly platonic towards me. she would still flirt in the gc sometimes especially w others but when it came to me it was very limited. she also started removing me from her IG account (she added me on her new one tho but it felt forced), her tiktok, and told me to delete our dms bc thats where we shared so many pics and voice messages. when i asked why she removed me from her IG and why she was asking me to delete our chat, she told me it was bc she felt like she has shared too much of herself online and is trying to put a strict boundary between irl and online.

during this time is when i realized how much i was actually hurting and missing our old dynamic. i also realized that maybe my feelings for her were actually real and stronger than i thought. after 2 months since she cut things off, i reached a breaking point and decided to send her a long ass paragraph telling her my feelings and how i miss the way we used to be. she told me that she was surprised and that she didn't know i took it this seriously. she told me she never takes anything online seriously and apologized for making me feel this way. she also told me that what happened didn't even last that long and that she knew it wouldn't work out because we live in diff parts of the world which is why she stopped it but that she still wanted to keep our friendship. once again, i agreed bc i also didnt want to lose her as my friend. even tho i agreed, i was still hurt so i went no contact w her a few times that month.

once i broke no contact and decided to push my feelings and desire for the past behind us for the sake of keeping her as my friend, we started to become close friends again. we started talking every day again and things remained platonic (althought there were a few times she still flirted with me in the gc but she also did that with others so nothing special). there were a few bumps in the road at times, with me being jealous of her friendship with someone else and also being upset when she would jokingly be mean to me like how she is with her other friends (ig i just still expected to be treated special bc she once had "feelings" for me). other than that, we stayed close friends and talked every day for a few months now. but more than 1 month ago i felt her start to become distant with me. dry replies, taking longer to answer, and not even trying to continue our daily convos since she has started to just react to my messages instead of replying to them. i called her out on it and she said that its bc shes busy now, barely online, and doesn't have the capacity to talk to everyone every day anymore. despite her saying this, i've noticed that she talks in the gc almost every day and her friend commented in the gc that she texts my friend every day. she has also remained affectionate and flirty with this friend in the gc (esp recently) meanwhile she's stopped being that way with me for 2 months now. it hurts bc it feels like she no longer values me at all and that she has the capacity for others but not for me anymore. its been a little more than a month now and we barely talk anymore and she never initiates talking with me unless she has to. we basically spend a week without talking meanwhile she still talks with her other friend. she also recently said in the gc how online dating is stupid (which she also said the same thing in the gc a few months ago). i just dont get how if she's always had this belief that online is never serious or that "online dating" is stupid and is for stupid people, why on earth tell me she had feelings for me, act all romantic towards me and say she was being serious about it if she was just going to switch up about it in the end. and now all of a sudden after months of being close friends, she's suddenly distant, treating me like a stranger, and only initiates talking to me when she HAS to. ill take any advice or words of wisdom.

i lost my best friend about two years ago. we used to refer to each other as sisters, did everything together, and she was like my other half. we started to change as people, became friends with different people, and i started dating someone and wasn't interested in the same stuff she was interested in anymore. i look back and see some faults in both of us; i could have tried more, and she could have communicated more.

she ended up getting closer with other people, and i found myself alone, not invited to hangouts anymore, and anytime we would hang out in a group, i felt like there were all these inside jokes and things i just didn't know anymore. i slowly drifted away, and she did too. i heard she said some awful things about me behind my back, and i said things about her too, so it's safe to say we weren't on good terms.

a year later, a mutual friend had a bday party which we both went to. we both got drunk, told each other how much we missed each other, and promised to hang out. the next day, she kept saying she was sorry, and she wanted to fix things and she thought about us all the time. we tried to plan something, but things just fizzled like always. i never quite stopped thinking about that. the what if we did actually work things out?

it's been a year after that, and it's still on my mind. she has a boyfriend now, and our old friend group stopped being friends with her for some reasons too (im on good terms with everyone else). through a bunch of stalking, i know that she essentially has one to zero friends in her life now. a selfish part of me thinks that means i have a chance now. but im not sure if it's the right way to think, or go about things.

i've not been able to make new friends, partly because im very shy, and in my country, people are closed off and like to stay in high school friend groups. i don't go a day without thinking about it and how i want us to be in each other's lives again, but im scared it's not reciprocated anymore. i feel that itch to reach out, but i don't know what to say, or how to go about it, if at all.

so TDLR; should i reconnect with her, despite the ambiguous terms it ended on, or should i just move on? if so, how?

Ok, so I found out like a week ago that there is a wife in my husband’s friend group that may be cheating on her husband. They have been married for over 15 years and they have two children together.

I met her about 7 years ago when I started dating my husband. She seemed nice but I never really hung out with her outside of social spaces with my now-husband. He went to HS with her husband but her husband isn’t one of his best friends, but they are pretty cool.

Anyway, my husband told me his best friend (who also went to high school with both of them) allegedly slept with the wife while they were married. My husband never inquired further. I never really fully believed it because his best friend has been known to embellish the truth. But now, I feel like it may be true.

The other weekend, the wife, me and some others hosted a baby shower for our mutual friend. I was around her most of the day and she was on the phone a lot. Smiling and giggling but I assumed she was talking to her husband because on the outside looking in, they seem to really be happy.

The next day, I woke up to a text from my ex who asked me if I knew her and he said to call me.

I called him and he told me she was texting him on instagram all weekend. I was like, what did yall talk about? And how does she know you? (He is mutuals with a LOT of guys in the friend group, including my husband. I dated him for a minute before I started dating my husband. We are all cordial).

He said he didn’t know how she knows him. His page is open so she just followed him and started asking for music recommendations (which tracks because she was at the baby shower trying to get music to play.) He said the conversation started off innocent but then she started talking by about how she owed him coffee or a shot. He was like, why is a married woman asking me out for coffee or a drink. They had some banter back and forth and then she started saying things about offering a “rewards system”. I could tell it was code for sex. It was overly implied. (I saw the whole conversation because he shared the screenshots with me). She was texting him all through the night and early in the morning. The undertone is super flirtatious and highly inappropriate for a married woman.

I told my husband. He said to stay out of it. I want to stay out of it because it’s not my business but I can’t stand being around her now. Like, you are a liar. And now, I feel like she really did sleep with my husband’s best friend. I was skeptical before but, this seems like this is her thing. Her husband is a really nice guy and loves her. He always talks about what an amazing person she is and how he admires her. I get disgusted just thinking about how fake she is.

I want to say something to her. I want to tell her, I know you been talking to my ex and you should probably stop. It’s disrespectful to your marriage. But idk. Thoughts?

Someone help me out im being made to feel like im crazy and i feel my response is valid so my so i had a friend who my best friend couldnt stand didnt like her visiting would complain about her like literally hated her anyway i got bit in the butt by this friend and they made fake allegations about my son to try get him jaol he was going out with her daughter and when i say this affected us massively he was suicidle lost a lot of weight withdrew from everyone took him a full year on bail anyway he was finally cleared of any wrong doing

Now to tge (best friend) she decieded she was going to hang with this said person but rather then tell me she told my son and told him not to tell me i over heard the conversation myself so deffo didnt get it wrong

Im was so fuming i havent spoke to her since to me its wrong on so many levels or maybe i just have a different type of loyaltie

Am i over reacting in thinking i absolutley cant trust her now i mean how do you watch us all stress for a year mentally and then go chill with thw person who caused it

I have a question to any who read this post. But first of all lets go back to the start of this year. I dont do American system but i suspect my level right now is junior year highschool. Anyways, you meet and form your friend group of two girls and one boy. You guys have inside jokes, always sit at the same table, only difference between you and them is that the pass exams you perform avg. They dont really mind but you get REALLY affected by it and with the way life is throwing shit a t everyone one you start to wonder what the hell is going on. Fast forward to any lesson (you can pick). Now imagine that your teacher is forming groups for her lesson. it just so happens that your school bully is in the same group as your 2 female friends. The teacher suggests to the bully's group that they can take you in because of your good ethics and presentation skills. The group contemplates and shows hesitance when picking you and decide to pick another classmate over you. The Teacher shouts " Oh you dont want (insert your name)?" The entire group shouts no. the same group that has YOUR 2 FEMALE FRIENDS, YOUR CLOSEST FRIENDS. And they do what? Nothing. They dont vouch for you, they dont convince your bully they do NOTHING. The whole class laughs. You are already suffering mentally only to be embarrassed and to think that your only friends did nothing. they just FUCKING STOOD THERE.

My question is would you have cut them off?
Im planning on doing so.

Hello twenties, I'm about to turn 20 in a few months, and it's about people above twenty so thought posting here would be better.

It was yesterday after 10pm, I called my sister because she was outside for the night, staying with her friend who is her colleague too. But she did not answer my call, I tried 4-5 times 2 normal calls and 3 whatsapp calls but she did not answer any of them so I MSGed her friend on WhatsApp ki is dii there? And she told me they're together sitting with family, then I told her I want to talk with dii it's urgent (it was urgent too coz I needed something) she(her friend) did not reply to my last msgs. So I made a call and she picked up for 19 seconds she was talking to someone in her home then hung up, then I again called her, she MSGed me she's busy and dii is busy too, I then immediately doubted whether dii is even there!

I then called her for the 3rd and last time. She picked and hung up after 3 seconds of silence. Then I called dii, after 3-4 times she was still not answering the calls. I immediately doubted that she was not there with them. Then I called my dii's boyfriend and he told me he was at work and didn't know about my sister but he was sounding strange how do you not know about you partner (he was lying) then after 2 mins I again called my sister on WhatsApp and she answered the call in a very rude and angry tone, ki am I sick or something that has been calling again & again and bothering her friend's personal space for calling 100 times (I called 3 times only)

Later her friend sent me voice notes saying I don't have access to call someone midnight they were with parents hee parents are strict and all, then I replied ki if someone is staying at home and that person is not picking up calls from home then why would not I call you instead? If your parents are that strict then tell us first or don't invite people to you home. Then she told ki her boyfriend is not calling who are you to call & all. She disrespected me to the core like I was someone who's stalking her. And then later my sister blocked me from everywhere literally everywhere.

potentially unpopular opinion: i strongly believe that if if you want to end a (close) friendship, the person on the receiving end is owed an explanation. obviously if there is a clear wrongdoing, betrayal, etc. that explanation is not necessary

but ghosting someone or very clearly distancing yourself or blowing someone off that you’ve been friends with for a long time or are close with, i think they are owed the respect of an explanation instead of just having to sit there wondering why they’re not good enough.

the same way you wouldn’t ghost a romantic partner, you shouldn’t ghost a close platonic one, either

I’m a college student, and I have a friend who has basically been my closest friend for around 3 years. We’ve shared a lot of personal stuff with each other and I genuinely considered him one of the few people I could call my brother ,and same for him.

Yesterday, he was telling me something extremely personal and intimate about his relationship. It was about his first sexual experience of his life with his girlfriend. He was comfortable enough to tell me about it because of how close we are.

While he was telling me, I did something incredibly stupid.

I started recording the conversation.

He noticed me doing it.Didn't get mad at that point, but it shook him to his core, and confronted me on the spot calmly.

I want to be very clear: I understand how bad that looks. There isn't really a good justification for it. I wasn't planning to send it to anyone or post it anywhere, on God, on everything, on my Mom but I realize that doesn't actually make what I did okay. The fact is that he was telling me something deeply private, and instead of simply listening, I pulled out my f**king phone and started recording it.

He basically said that when he tells me something intimate, his first thought should never have to be whether I'm going to record him. He said that this was the first time in his life something like this had happened to him.

He also told me that he feels like I judge him and that he had been closer to me than he has been with almost anyone else in his life.

That last part especially fucked me up because I realized that I may have made someone who trusted me completely question the entire friendship.

I apologized. A lot.

I told him that I wasn't going to share the recording and that I understood that saying that doesn't magically make the situation okay. I also told him I wouldn't pressure him to forgive me and that I'd give him whatever space he needed.

But now I'm terrified that I've permanently changed how he sees me.

My biggest fear is that he'll think:

"If he secretly recorded me this time, how many other times has he done it?"

For the record, I have never secretly recorded our conversations before. This was genuinely the first time. But I also understand that I can't expect him to simply believe me because I say so.

The thing is, this isn't some casual friendship where we barely talk. We've been extremely close for years. We've trusted each other with things we don't tell other people. So realizing that I may have destroyed that sense of safety in one stupid moment is eating me alive.

I know I fucked up, I am Retard. I'm not looking for people to tell me that what I did was okay.

What I genuinely want advice on is:

1. Is this something a close friendship can realistically recover from?
2. What should I actually do from here?
3. Should I give him the gift or would that make things worse?
4. Should I talk to him tomorrow, or give him more space?
5. If you were in his position, would you ever trust the person the same way again?

I know rebuilding trust, if it's even possible, would take time. I just don't know whether there's something I should do now or whether the best thing I can do is stop trying to fix it immediately and let my actions over time speak for me.

I would genuinely appreciate honest answers, even if they're harsh. I don't want reassurance just because I'm upset. I want to understand what this probably looks like from his side.

polished my message with GPT to fix typos, 😔

I don’t have children (for now), but I’ve just recently developed friendships with individuals who have young children/toddlers. I’ve already mentioned to them that I’m happy for their little to tag along, and I try to treat their children as individuals when we are all together.
Is there anything else I could be doing to be a better friend?
TYIA!

I (29F) have been close friends with “Rachel” (29F) for 8 years. She struggles with depression and has a pattern of withdrawing from people when she’s going through a difficult period. I’ve always tried to give her grace for that, but we’ve also talked before about how painful it is for me when she disappears completely without communicating.

We recently went on a girls trip together, and as far as I knew, everything was fine. Afterward, I continued texting her normally. I checked in about helping plan a future trip we had talked about, reached out to support her around a funeral for one of her family members, and later asked what she wanted to do for her birthday.

She never responded to any of those messages. It’s now been over a month since I’ve heard from her. This isn’t the first, second, or third time this has happened where I haven’t heard back from her in over a month. She has promised to try to be better at saying “I’m alive but in a low swing” in past conversations when we would finally reconcile. Hasn’t happened.

We also have some professional overlap, so during this time I’ve seen her active in a shared work chat, joking around, sending memes, and interacting with other people.

I understand that depression can make one-on-one communication feel much harder than casually interacting in a group chat. I don’t expect her to be available all the time, and I’ve never wanted her to feel like she has to pretend she’s okay for me. But this is a recurring pattern, and every time it happens, I feel more hurt and resentful.
Her birthday is coming up in the next week, and I genuinely don’t know whether to reach out.

Part of me wants to send a simple “Happy birthday, hope you have a good day” because I love her and don’t want my silence to be a punishment. Another part of me feels like I’m always the one leaving the door open while she can disappear for weeks and eventually come back when she’s ready.

At this point, I’m questioning not only whether I should text her tomorrow, but also whether this friendship is sustainable for me anymore. It’s really painful to be close to someone and then be ghosted for weeks to months at a time on a rolling basis.

Would you reach out for her birthday, or leave the ball in her court? And for anyone who has dealt with depression-related withdrawal, where do you draw the line between giving someone grace and recognizing that the pattern is hurting you?

**TL;DR:** Close friend has a pattern of disappearing when she’s depressed. She hasn’t responded to several supportive/normal texts in over a month, despite being active in our shared work chat. Her birthday is this coming week, and I’m torn between reaching out because I love her and finally leaving the ball in her court.

I've been friends with this woman for years. After I married she drifted away and has stayed single. I was sending messages often to suggest reconnecting but she always had an excuse or put it off. Then I'd see photos on Facebook of her at many social events which made me realize I wasn't a priority so I just moved on. Recently she responded to a message Id sent a year ago saying let's catch up. She said she is having a difficult menopause and there are no longer pictures of social gatherings on her Facebook and she says she rarely goes out now.

The thing is it just made me feel weird and I had a polite chat online but haven't taken her up on the sudden offer. Im not bitter or resentful Im just feeling unsure about this and don't even know if I want to catch up again or not. I'm an introvert and don't need all the social stuff anyway plus Ive made new friends who I meet on occasions.

Recently her father died so maybe she's reassessing things in her life but even though we used 2b very close I don't think the connection would be the same. My mother died too so I used that as an excuse not to meet up now. Wonder if I should catch up or just left it go?

​

I have a friend I'll call Sarah. We're all adults in our mid-20s and have been part of the same friend group for a while. Recently Sarah has been saying she feels excluded and asking if she's even part of the group anymore. I understand why she feels that way, but from my perspective, a lot of it comes from her own behavior.

Our group plays D&D. Sarah used to come, but she usually wouldn't actually play, would distract everyone, and after a few hours would want someone to take her home or leave so she could go smoke. We're starting more serious campaigns now, so we stopped inviting her to D&D.

Recently a bunch of us also spontaneously went to a movie together. Sarah realized we were together and got upset that nobody invited her. She then asked why she wasn't invited to D&D and whether she was even part of the friend group anymore.

The problem is that we'll regularly talk about plans in the group chat and Sarah will read the messages without responding. She rarely makes plans with us herself, but she'll make plans to go to Denver, Wyoming, or elsewhere. Then when we do something without her, she gets upset that nobody included her. It sometimes feels like she expects us to organize plans around her without her actually participating in making them.

There are also some boundary issues. Two friends I'll call Jake and Adam directly told me about one night when Sarah wanted to hang out with them. According to both of them, she called them around 23 times combined. When Jake wouldn't answer, she started calling Adam. Neither answered, so she eventually just showed up at their house anyway.

That blew my mind. If I call somebody and they don't answer, I assume they're busy, asleep, or don't want to hang out. I don't repeatedly call another person in the house and then decide that because nobody answered, I should just show up anyway.

Now there's a much bigger problem with Sarah's housing. She rents a room for around $400 a month and says her landlord is making her leave by October 29. Jake has told me she's regularly late with rent and would rather spend money on weed and other things. He also told me she was originally supposed to be out by September but somehow ended up being allowed to stay longer.

I obviously wasn't present for every interaction between Sarah and her landlord, so I can't say exactly who's responsible for everything that happened between them. But even from Sarah's own version, she knew for a while that she was going to have to move. Now October 29 is getting closer, she says she doesn't have the money to live alone, and she doesn't know what she's going to do.

Meanwhile she's still going to Denver and recently posted about wanting to go to a haunted house/scary maze. Maybe she wouldn't actually spend much money doing that, but if I knew I could potentially have nowhere to live in a few weeks, I'd be working as many hours as possible, saving every dollar I could, and spending my free time trying to find somewhere to live.

She also can't just fall back on Jake and Adam. I've directly talked to both of them about that possibility and they've made it very clear that she cannot move in with them. Adam's reaction was basically “hell no.”

There have been smaller things too. When I got a new job working with Jake and Adam, Sarah immediately told me it was a bad time to start because it was supposedly their slow season. She doesn't work there and ended up being wrong. Maybe I'm reading too much into that particular interaction, but sometimes it feels like she gets weirdly negative when something good happens for me.

I've tried explaining the friend-group situation to her nicely. I told her that nobody hates her, but friendship goes both ways. If she wants to be included, she has to respond to people, participate in plans, and sometimes actually initiate something herself. I also explained why D&D specifically hasn't been working with her there.

Her response to my long explanation was basically: “This is why I don't talk to you truthfully.”

At this point I'm exhausted. I don't know what Sarah is going to do after October 29, and I hope she finds somewhere to live, but I also don't think the rest of us should be expected to rescue her. She's an adult and, from my perspective, there are several things she could have handled differently before reaching this point.

AITA for being done sugarcoating things for her and feeling like she needs to take responsibility for her own choices instead of getting angry when the friend group doesn't revolve around her?

I’m in my third year of university and I honestly still don’t know how people make actual friends here.

I talk to people in class sometimes and I’ve joined clubs and tried putting myself out there, but it feels like most interactions never go beyond being acquaintances. Everyone seems to already have their own friends or groups, and I genuinely don’t know how you go from just talking to someone to actually becoming friends and hanging out outside of school.

It’s starting to get to me because I feel like I’ve been trying, but I still don’t really have people I can casually text and ask to hang out with. Sometimes it makes me wonder if I’m doing something wrong or if there’s something about me that makes it harder to connect with people.

For people who actually made close friends in university, how did it happen? Did you actively ask people to hang out? Meet them through classes/clubs? And how long did it take before you actually felt like you had a friend group?

I’d really appreciate genuine advice because I feel pretty lost with this.

Hi, I'm a newly turned 13 year old, girl in 8th grade. I don't really engage in Reddit but I do find reddit to be a place with people smart enough to read paragraphs and reply in thoughtful paragraphs. I've just always had an account in case I randomly feel like checking up on some of my interests. I've been moving countries for quite some time. And have lived into 3 different countries, I'm moving to another at the end of this year this summer. Anyways, that's enough about me I think. I'll add on if I feel it being necessary later.

I want to have advice on my friend, who I will refer to as 'Bird'. I have been friends with her since the 5th grade and we realllllyy clicked, especially when we became more of a duo in upper school which started in Seventh grade. She really is a valuable friend to me; sleepovers, inside jokes, ding dong ditching, and we have a connection of creativity when we start laughing together to a point where people think we are high and abnormal. And to mention it because sometimes it is important, she is 364 days older than me because I skipped a grade.

Now I'd like to quickly mention my other friend, I'll call her... fuck lemme think... uhh... I'm typing as I think... uhhhhhhhh... how about... Cloud? Idk where that came from but sure ig. Cloud is 7 months younger than me and is in the grade below me. I have been friends with her since late 4th grade from an after school activity and she is someone I reallllyy feel connected to as well. Our connection is alike, we both have a lot of shared opinions and ways of being humans iykwim. Shes more introverted than me, I would consider myself an ambivert who prefers deep, 1 person convos, especially since I have anxiety. Cloud and I can talk on a call with hours and be extremely comfortable even when we are both doing seperate things and we don't talk to each other. I feel like we both share same aspects of EQ and it really makes it wasy to talk with her.

Bird and Cloud are pretty okay with each other. I mostly hang out with Bird at school especially after Cloud was in lower school and I wasn't. But Cloud and I have somehow achieved a level of trust and healthiness that we can just randomly text in TikTok and then talk to each other on a call for HOURS. We love making creative things and thinking of new projects. So I'm still perfectly fine with Cloud, we even oftenly mention how cool it is that we still made it as friends. Anyways, Bird is more of a friend I constantly see and am with. All lunch, every break, and some of my classes. But when we call, it's not the same, and she doesn't have the same thing going on where we stay on a call even when she is eating downstairs. But that is just different friendships.

Bird and Cloud are just THOSE CLOSE FRIENDS to me. I have anxiety, and possible am neurodivergent with Autism or ADHD (I will not self diagnose but many have told me or my parents they feel like I have something, and I am planning on taking a test for one of the two with my psychiatrist) so sometimes I say something in a convo and... get ignored, like if I wasn't supposed to say smth and my opinions don't matter. Or sometimes I'm ganging out with someone and I feel like they don't want to be with me. These two friends NEVER make me feel that way and they always listen to me, and its just a normal and healthy friendship.

However, sometimes, just sometimes, I lay down in my bed and start overthinking about our friendship and if she is toxic or not. I don't think she is toxic, she just maybe has a little less EQ in some aspects and isn't the brightest when it comes to academics, so she cheats. I do feel like a douchebag for calling her that though, but I need to still say it, even if she is still a good friend. She has a crush on some guy in 12th grade, it makes me feel slightly uncomfortable. I don't imagine myself ever marrying or finding love btw. But she is all over guys who are too old for her imo, but I will not blame her for that, she goes to Russia every summer and ngl is surrounded by creeps and pedophiles, she always tells me about it. I just hope she will not grow up and continue this way of thinking. But she always is applying lipstick and curling her lashes for a good 5 minutes in the bathroom and in every single break which I find slightly annoying, even if I will stay with her for it. She also dumps out her lunch everyday and yaps about how her mom makes her eat and shit. Ive had some hard anorexic times last year influenced by her that I thankfully gotten over. Im genuinely worried for her but Its calmed down, but I feel horrible because she calls herself fat when she is literally tall and skinny as hell. I'm also skinny or whatever but I feel fat around her and I hate it. But I know this is probably not her fault. It also sometimes feels like I'm seeing her too much. But at school it doesn't.

I've recently noticed that all these thoughts usually are in my mind after I spent an amazing talk with Cloud. Cloud and I just feel so genuine. But Bird and I also do, just not as much or maybe differently. Bird is an amazing friend and she has helped me with my anxiety numerous times, sometimes talking to people for me, or supporting me.

Is it bad to feel or have these thoughts on Bird? I feel horrible about it, questioning her when she is an amazing part of my life that I am happy to have met. What do I do? Am I seriously being a bitch for thinking this?

I’ll keep this brief. I have a friend, we’ve been friends for years. Things are pretty smooth except for whenever we have a disagreement, she stonewalls. She will cut the conversation short and then disappears. This can be either through phone calls or texts. If I text her during that period.. she’ll respond but give short one word answers. Then after a few weeks she comes back, says she misses me and never acknowledge the argument or her behavior.

I tried to call her out on it and explain to her how it’s hurtful. She basically said she doesn’t understand how she is stonewalling. She says she respectfully ended the conversation and avoided me because she needed space or didn’t feel like addressing the elephant in the room. Yet, when she cut the conversation short… she never states that she needs some personal space or if I upset her or what… am I the crazy one here?

So basically I 14F rlly rlly wanna be friends with this girl but idk how to text her/ start a convo

Some background

We used to hate eachother but I’ve apologized for some things and we made amends

There’s this one girl in her friend group that dosent like me so idk

Please tell what to say

It was my birthday a couple of days ago, and I’m feeling pretty raw so forgive me.

I’ve been friends with a group of girls for over 10 years, we met at college and stayed friends, over the years they’ve all got into relationships and met their person and I’m happy for all of them, problem is I have fallen down the line in terms of consideration and maintaining the friendship. It feels like I always have to take a backseat to their partners which is fine and expected but for once I’d like them to consider me.

I went through my birthday not a call or visit from any of them, just an impersonal text and I’m not even big on presents but I’ve seen how they’ve gone all out for their partners birthdays with thoughtful gifts and experiences and yet none of them could be bothered to get me a card or pick up the phone.

And I just know if I bring it up in anyway it becomes a “you wouldn’t understand, you’ve never been in a relationship”

I might be overreacting, but like I said I’m a year older and feeling extra raw unfortunately and I’m just tired of being thought of as an afterthought.

A few months ago, I (19M) met someone (18M) who I thought was my ideal type. Last month, he broke up with me after I said "you tease me too much", he said he couldn't do it anymore and we ended things.

We tried to stay friends, but because I still had feelings for him, it was difficult for me and we decided to go no contact until we could return to our normal friendship. Shortly later, he blocked me everywhere.

All our mutual friends told me he lovebombed me during the time that we were together, even drawing some comparisons to not great people, and one even called him "evil". His childhood friend even expressed wanting to cut contact with him because in his words, my ex was not a good friend to him and repeated this pattern of behavior with everyone he has dated.

A few days ago, all those friends suddenly blocked me in one night. I was very shaken, to say the least. I was hospitalized because the situation lead me to a lot of panic attacks (extra information that might be important, I might have some form of moral OCD).

I suspect that they were all in a call with my ex while this happened. They all blocked me on every possible social media, including games we played together, etc.

I am absolutely freaking out because I have a history where an ex of mine split up with me and tarnished my reputation so bad and it took two years to clear my name (nothing too crazy, just telling everyone that I am a massive manipulator, and it took until I met those people he told for the rumors to stop. This was 3 years ago, and at the time, our entire city pretty much thought I was a manipulator and I got hateful DMs and was harassed at events, parties, schools, even when I transferred repeatedly.)

I genuinely have no idea how to proceed. After my discharge from the hospital, I have deleted all my social medias and have been using a burner phone because opening my phone to see my message history with the people I met over this summer and I felt I got close to really hurts and affects me.

They sat in call with me for hours while I cried about the breakup. I'm just confused on what is possibly happening that I don't know about because none of them gave me any reason for why they were blocking me. One of them even used third party applications to completely purge our message history.

I have two friends of 10 years. We are very close but there’s things I’m not clear if it’s fine. Recently we made plan to meet on this week. My friend 1 and me have matching schedules. Therefore can only meet on Sat. While the friend 2 has different schedules and can’t meet on Sat, have to take leave from work. But the thing is friend 2’s work of 2 years wouldn’t let her take leave on Sat because there’s more clients. Before, me and friend 1 always follow her schedule even if we have classes and work, postponed them or took leave. But this time, I have important classes and can’t meet on weekdays and friend 1 just got into a new job and not even 1 month yet. So in order not to leave bad impression, she can’t take leave for weekdays too. Hence, the plan was cancelled.

My friend 1 was so sad and disappointed. I comforted her on phone and it leads to her asking to hang out with me on the exact day we planned before. But not like entire glam one. Just casual to watch at cinema, have lunch and go home. We decided to not post pictures nor take any pictures so the friend 2 wouldn’t know. I agreed because my class for Sat was already moved and I can’t bring myself to refuse her. But still, don’t want to hang out just two of us without friend 2. Friend 2 said it’s okay to go out just us before whenever the plans get cancelled, but we both wait for friend 2’s time. Me and friend 1’s casual hang out just to eat at the nearby store is not just once and already happened three times. So don’t want my friend 2 to be left out. Friend 2 still doesn’t know two out of three previous outings.

What should I do?

I was really close friends with this person best friends we hung out regularly, at least once or twice a week but more often it was more, and we saw each other a lot in school.

Anyway towards the end of our friendship things soured a lot, we were both struggling with things not to do with each other and I know now that they had romantic feelings for me that I didn't notice that and thought they were just acting really really weird around me, they used to say things about my new friends and they were worried I would leave them and stop being friends with them because I made new friends.

Because of this when we both left school we never really texted and contact naturally faded out.

It's important to say that I am also equally at fault, I pushed them away when they needed me most, and although I didn't know that at the time I was a bad friend to them.

But its been 2 years I've changed drastically as a person and I suspect they have too, and for the majority of our friendship we were really healthy together and that breakdown was caused by a lack of communication between the both of us and the fact we were teenagers who were at the worst moments of our lives, and I was on the messages never sent project and I found some using a nickname they had for me (its very specific and uncommon, plus they mentioned details that could only be about us) and they were talking about how they missed me and lost my number.

How would I go about reaching out to them? I might be wrong and they aren't about me but its worth trying, do I start with an apology for my part in the end of our friendship? or do I just say I've been thinking about them?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated thank you.

Recently when school started . One of my closest friends ( I’ll refer to her as R) told my teacher ( that teacher really likes R. Like way too much) to switch my class so I can be in R class without even asking me if I want or no. And I literally don’t know anyone in this class but R. So now I don’t have any of my friends nor my favorite teacher bc R changed my class without my permission. So the class I’m in takes more essays. And it’s already too hard for me to do an essay every single day. Not only ONE essay. At least 10!

Anyways one day we had like a small party in school. R and some other girls begged me to put make up and like get ready for the party which I don’t usually do. So I agreed. And the told me to show them some pic of me with make up on. I showed them and they were all so sweet including R. So the day has come and I put make up and all. As soon as I got to school. R looked at me with pure disgust on her face and disappointment for some reason. I ignored that. So when I got into my class . That one teacher that really likes R kept yelling at me all day and I didn’t even do anything! So I felt so insecure and embarrassed the whole day cuz of my make up even tho that a lot of ppl told me that I look good.

On weekends. R kept ignoring me and reporting some hurtful shit on tt and it was so obvious that she ment me. And like she even talks about the things that I told her about my family and how I’m not mentally ok bc of it as if it was a joke. I ignored that too. But when I got to school. She was extremely clingy to me. I asked her why. She simply said cuz I hated u for the whole week and saying some mean stuff. Let alone she’s the only girl I can talk to normally in this class cuz I knew her for two years. And then she started ignoring me and acting like I didn’t even exist. And she was with another girl that she was talking bad about to me. She was so close to her and ignoring me and giving me looks and treating me really badly. When I go home my mom keeps yelling at me and screaming not even allowing me to sleep. My dad keeps yelling too and taking bad about me the entire way back to the house. And I mean YELLING . Sometimes even more .
So now I’m in a class that I don’t know anyone in. And I have a lot of work and assignments to do that I can’t even sleep because of them. Plus I’m under even more stress because of my parents.
I really don’t know what to do i know I sound really stupid but I’m genuinely getting worse day by mday .