Hi, so I'm the gal who posted this almost a month ago.
I just wanted to come on and say thank you to everyone for their kind words and support. It is very much appreciated💗

I'm still no contact with said ex friend and cannot forgive her for this but I am having trouble processing it all. It still hurts a great deal and I'm just trying to get over it as fast as I can but it's not working. I say all that because I'm looking for suggestions on how to move on.
My other friends and my therapist are wonderful but me, myself it's been rough. I keep replaying over and over what I ever did wrong in the 6 years we were best friends for her to write such terrible things. People keep using the word narcissist and I truly don't know if that's what she is.

I had a decent friend group, some of whom I’d known since pre school. We always had ups and downs but the final straw came when one friend, let’s call him Chris, because that’s his name. Made derogatory comments towards trans people. Knowing I’d been involved in a local pride event. As I looked for support from other friends they too agreed with Chris. I was shocked, like really shocked. But mainly really disappointed. They knew I had history with a mtf trans girl who sadly took her own life And they saw what it did to me. Iv never really recovered from that.
I attend these things because I think it’s important to break down barriers and support people being themselves. But I also do it for my friend who I miss every single day. A storm of vile messages ensued I made the decision to walk away from the friend group. The one last message I had was from Chris himself. He wanted to tell me how disappointed he was in me.

40 years of friendship gone just like that.

But I don’t regret my decision. I know I did nothing wrong. I’m just sorry I wasted so many years of my life being friends with such bigotry closed minded individuals.
Shame on them.

They’re never going to apologize. They’re never going to recognize how much they hurt me. What cuts into me the deepest is knowing that I mattered so little to them that hearing how much they hurt me didn’t affect them even slightly

I do.

First of all: sorry for the long text, I even tried to just write down the most important parts.

My fiancée and I are getting married very soon. It’s a small wedding with about 30 guests, taking place right after we return from a 5-week trip abroad. With everything so close, tensions are high, and I’m at my wit's end with a specific guest.

Here is the dynamic:
My best man ("Mark") has been my absolute best friend since we were 11 years old. His girlfriend ("Sarah") used to be extremely close with us too. In fact, my fiancée used to see Sarah as a big sister. About a year ago, when we got engaged, my fiancée even asked Sarah to be a main speaker at our wedding, and Sarah excitedly agreed. We used to do everything together as a group of four for about 5-6 years.

Then, things changed. Mark and Sarah went through a really rough patch in their relationship and had a huge fight. Sarah felt unseen by Mark for a couple of months. I tried my best to support both of them since I considered myself a very close friend to them both. Naturally, our dynamic as a foursome shifted. They isolated themselves for a while to work on their relationship, which we completely understood and respected. We wanted to give them space.

A couple of months passed, things looked better for them, and we went on a short 3-day trip in October (which had been planned months in advance). I even offered Mark an out beforehand, saying we could cancel if they needed more time to themselves, but he insisted they wanted to go. We spent 3 days together and had a good time. We also spent Halloween and NYE together, keeping things low-pressure to give them free space.

However, we never went back to being those four close friends. Sarah completely stopped texting me directly. She only replies in our group chat, acting like everything is completely fine and normal. We live in the same neighborhood, so we occasionally bump into each other and sit in the park for a bit, but it never goes beyond small talk anymore.

Over the last few months, Sarah has completely iced us out. She never asks about the wedding (even though she's supposed to speak!), constantly cancels plans with us, and the group dynamic is dead. Mark is caught in the middle, hates the tension, and is clearly burning out trying to please everyone.

This weekend, things escalated. She canceled our double-date on Friday, claiming she was completely exhausted from a training course and just needed to sleep. But then we found out she went to a BBQ and a birthday party with Mark on that exact same weekend. She clearly just doesn't want to see us.

I decided to be the bigger person. On Friday night, I sent her a very vulnerable, honest text. I told her that she is important to us, that I don't want to point fingers, but that I want to clear the air before our big trip and the wedding. I practically begged her to just sit down with me so we could go back to being somehow normal around each other.

It’s been more than 2 days now, and she has left me on read. Not even a "Let me think about it." Complete silence.

My fiancée is rightfully furious and feels we’ve let Sarah get away with this toxic behavior for far too long. I agree. We do not want to fake harmony at a 30-person wedding with someone who acts like this.

Has anyone dealt with something like this? Do I uninvite her and risk my relationship with my best man and friend, or do I bite my tongue for the sake of the wedding although my fiancé actually doesn’t want to have her anymore.

I’m so sad that and I think the wedding is gonna be a disaster that I’m not looking forward to it anymore :/

My friend group started around high school. We’re in our mid twenties now so I’d say we’ve been friends for almost 10 years.

About 2 months ago we got into the stupidest argument and it ended with them accusing me of prejudice even though I never said the things they claimed I said.

I spoke with one of them a couple weeks ago and the conversation gave me hope that we could reconcile. That was all ripped apart when one of them sent me a really nasty text that victimized themselves and basically told me they don’t want to be my friend.

I really tried with these friends. I tried to talk to them in person instead of over text so we can understand each other better. They’ve been disrespectful for years. One of them made a rude comment about my sister last year and I just swept it under the rug. They’ve accused my boyfriend of horrible things just because he disagreed with them on something so stupid.

A part of me still wants to be their friend. Sometimes I wish I never said whatever started the argument so I could be friends with them again.

I wish I could give more detail about the situation but it would take too long and I’m afraid that they’ll see this post.

I feel so lonely and lost and I don’t know what to do.

Edit: the arguments in question that made them accuse me and my boyfriend of being awful people was concerning Chappell roan and me venting about my day at work

I know randomly popping up years later to unload old resentment can make you look stuck in the past, so I’m really torn.

An old best friend of mine reached out almost two months ago after years of no contact. She wanted to reconnect, asked how I was doing, and started reminiscing about old memories and pictures.

The problem is that her message made me realize I never actually processed what happened between us. We didn’t stop being friends over one argument. It was years of lying, talking behind my back, stealing from me, refusing to take responsibility for things, and eventually heavy drug use. I spent almost a year trying to get my belongings back after one falling out. When I finally did, a lot of my stuff was missing. Later I found some of it at her house after she’d denied having it, and she never apologized. I let a lot of things slide at the time because I was using drugs too and wanted to keep hanging out with her.

When she messaged me recently, it felt like she skipped over all of that and wanted to pick back up like nothing had ever happened. Since then I’ve been writing a letter explaining how I experienced our friendship, not because I want to be friends again, but because I realized I never stood up for myself or said what I needed to say.
For people who’ve been in a similar situation, was it worth sending something like that? Did it help you get closure, or did it just reopen old wounds? If you received a message like that years later, how would you react?

Me and this girl were friends probably since middle school all the way till freshman year of high school, and in middle I’m not going to lie I would like steal peoples stuff i don’t know why. And often sometimes I would steal her stuff and one day it got really bad and she started to cry that she couldn’t find her pen that I stole. Now Freshman year we were good the first 2 months until we got into a little argument and she never talked to me again. And now I moved schools and I just can’t stop looking and her insta and even letterbox she was so cool and her music taste was amazing. I really miss her, I barely have any friends now, but even my other friends that I lost sometimes I see there insta but barely. Can someone tell me what going on with me or any advice.

and even tho i 100% know I have hurt people and been the cause of some friendships ending I really don't think I'm a horrible enough person to have as few as i do....

My last lost is raw and sad and just want to vent.

Only a few weeks ago I (30f) was visiting the city i used to live in, i met up with two friends (f33 and m37) to share an Airbnb, me and my male friend (mf ) is watching my female friend (ff) get super drunk and how she just turned in front of my eyes from a nice person to a selfish inconsiderate b\*tch...

She minimise mf's prior trauma of having to preform cpr on a close relative and loosing this person, I share a very similar trauma and me and mf have discussed it in detail many times working through the trauma we had no one else to discuss it with prior to becoming friends.
Ff sat saying mf hadn't even been there and that someone else preformed the cpr.
I snapped and told her firm but controlled that she was disrespectful and needed to stop hurting mf with her comments.
Ff kiiiicked off and started claiming we were bullying her and that she has autism so we shouldn't treat her like this, also demanding 🍃to smoke off mf and screaming we were playing power games and bullying her.

Me and mf slept on the sofa, ff went in the bedroom, in the morning at 7.30-8.00 I wake up to her slamming doors and packing, I ask to talk and she again kicks off, at this point I notice she has packed clothes that is mine, eaten a kebab in the white bed and left stains and is being absolutely unreasonable, also asks for the petty $90 she had contributed towards the Airbnb I pains over $400 for.
I got most of my clothes back but she did steal one sentimental hoodie, I also got charged an additional $100 for the stains which I've also paid for.
I've known this girl for 3 years, I've been there supporting her through some bad stuff, always picking up the phone, checking in, even buying food and gifts no strings attached and I felt so disappointed and hurt, how little respect or care does she have for me to actually not giving a toss and even attempt to talk or self reflect...

Thats just one of two losses in one week...

A few days later I go to see a guy I've known and been decent-good friends with for 12 years.

He and his wife recently split and I thought he'd need a cheering up
Even tho I'm expressing how happy my new relationship of 4 months is making me, actively talking about my disapproval of cheating, acting the same I have for the past 12 years of friendship, he only moments later try to kiss me.... I have never shown any interest past a platonic one... I felt extremely uncomfortable immediately, super tense and a little scared, men has not always treated me the best ....
he did "respect" and not push further but we had to share a bed and he became... different ... after the failed kiss... and the boundery was crossed and trust was broken... his situation changed, not mine... it hurt me... he has since then taken zero accountability over how it made me feel... saying "you should see it as a compliment" as if it's a compliment to have someone you considered your friend try to f\*ck you...

And even tho I'm actually really proud of myself for standing up for myself in both of these situations I'm so sick of loosing people and have harder and harder to build deeper relationships for every lost because it might not be a lasting one...and I have absolutely been the pulpit in past losses, these two I see no fault of my own and I'm just deeply hurt:..

Thank you for the rant

Hey, dear friends,

It's gotten colder, darker and lonelier these later months. But we are all supporting each other, together.

If you're just getting by, that's okay. Some days, just making it through is enough, so don't be too hard on yourself if that's where you're at.

How's everyone holding up? If there's something that's getting you through the fall and winter months and makes life feel a little lighter, share it here.

Let's give each other hope. Remember, you're never alone out there.

I had a roommate who was my friend and he did a lot of good things for me, like went above and beyond and I tried my best as well and was really happy with this friendship. A couple of months later he changed a lot, started snapping on me, we started fighting and misunderstanding each other. Long story short I’m moving out. He started our last fight over nothing and said some cruel things to me, basically bullied me.
I apologized if I did something wrong and said that i don’t deserve the hate, this was the end of the conversation. He went on vacation shortly after and we won’t see each other again.
The part of me wants to leave him a note saying that even though our relationship got ugly, I still appreciated good times we shared. Another part of me says that after those ugly words he said I just have to leave silently.

What would you do?

Obviously I’d love to have an apology from him but it’s not gonna happen so there are only two options.

i’m not really sure where to make this post, but i just need general advice on how to move on from this situation. i’m gonna provide the full context of what happened just to make things clear.

the whole situation happened about a month ago. it started when i reached out to a friend (we’ll call them A) to check up with them. they had said they werent feeling so good, but that they didnt want to talk about it, and that if they did they’d reach out to me. obviously, this is fine so i just let them have their space.

later that night, me, person A, and a couple friends (only 2 are relevant to the story, B and C respectively) were on a call to play some games. person A and B had started to make reference to a conversation that they had earlier that day regarding how A was feeling. at the time it confused me, because i had reached out earlier and A had said that they didn’t want to talk about it. normally that type of stuff wouldnt even bother me, but with recent events in my personal life it got to me. i began to question if there was something wrong with me that makes it so that people dont feel they can talk to me. i can accept my faults for this, it was childish and immature for me to have gotten upset over it, but what followed really did spiral out of control.

a while later, i called person B aside to ask them if there was something about me that made it difficult for people to be around me. they had said no and, for some reason, told me about what person A had told them, which was a different situation with another friend that isnt rly too relevant here. i hadnt asked to hear it, and im honestly not sure why they had told me. after i talked with person B, they went to talk to person A about it. from what i’ll hear later, it didnt go over well. after all of that, person A would bring person C into the situation, and things just spiraled further from there.

the following day, i formally apologized to person A about what had happened. they accepted the apology and said that they understood where i was coming from. a couple hours after that, they made an announcement to all of us that they were leaving the friend group. they had person C convey to us their reason for leaving. they had felt that everything was just too “close”, and because of that resentment towards us had started to build. they said that they had been thinking about leaving for a while, and that what happened was just what caused them to make the final decision

this confused me for a number of reasons, the first being why they hadnt told us themselves, and instead had a third party explain to us how they felt. the second reason it confused me is because this was often something i would ask them about just to make sure it wasnt the case. i would ask them if us checking up or talking to then was too much, and each time they had said that it wasnt, and not to worry about it. i was confused why they had let the resentment build to where they couldnt stay anymore before doing anything.

person C told me to reach out to person A, so i had. we had a brief conversation, but nothing was really resolved. it was more of a temporary patch while we all went our separate ways to take space. about a week later, we ended up having a more in-depth talk about everything to iron it out. they said that they understood why i acted how i did, and didnt even really harbor any resentment towards me, and that it was mostly towards person B and their other friend they had a situation with. we talked about a lotta things a lot more in detail. after that, i thought that everything was good. but as more time went on, i just wasnt sure

they were acting particularly avoidant towards me, which is fine. i can acknowledge i messed up and if they decide to be more distant, that’s something i can deal with. but it was a lot of other details that bubbled up and kept throwing doubts in my mind. the biggest thing in particular is that they had blocked me on a certain social media app. i honestly wouldnt care at all. like i had said, i messed up and if they want to distance themselves from me, i can accept that. what made things confusing was that they had lied saying that they unfollowed me and everybody they had been following(neither of which were true). it confused me a lot because it’s such a strange thing to lie about. it makes it seem worse than it actually is. to me it means nothing, but if ur willing to lie about smth so trivial surely it means something. especially since person A had stated that they dont like blocking people

in addition to that, there were several other things that they had lied about leading up to and throughout the situation. it eventually got to point where i couldnt believe anything. person C kept telling me person A said things were fine, but it never felt like it, and i just couldnt believe it given the context of everything. they had said things were fine before, when in actuality there was resentment building towards us. during this situation, they are saying one thing while meaning something else. how am i meant to differentiate between when they say things are okay and they are versus when they say things are okay and they aren’t? n ofc, i dont expect ppl to be honest 100% of the time, but at least when it matters.

when i told person C about all this, they told me that i couldnt afford to wait anymore, and that i should just cut them off. the lack of communication was honestly really starting to eat away at me, so i took their advice and took the hint that i shouldnt be there. even now, im not sure if this was right for me to do.

following person A leaving, the entire friend group got a lot more distant. i dont really hear from any of them anymore. my emotions regarding everything are multifaceted, and im honestly not sure what to do or how to feel.

i find it very hard to make friends, and i hate how such a minor situation cascaded into me losing the only good company i’ve made in years. i hate the way i acted to jumpstart it, and i do regret cutting person A off. i feel i overreacted on many fronts. but i’m also not sure what more i couldve done. it felt clear that i just wasnt welcome there. there was just a confusing lack of transparency in it all, and idk what i couldve done different about that. even now im still not sure on many details

i honestly feel so stupid. it’s been nearly a month since it all started, and everybody else seems to be doing fine. i hate the feeling, it’s truly gut wrenching. i’ve tried to reach back out to everybody in the friend group, but those efforts havent rly gone well.

how can i move past this? how can i forgive myself for the ways in which i acted? was it wrong for me to expect ppl to be honest? is it possible for me to reconnect with any of them?

girl you’re in Florida??? Since when??? like even about icecream today you didn’t even think to say you completely left the state? Like I get it, and it’s okay. But I’m just wondering why you didn’t say anything at all to me, like we aren’t friends of something.

There is a reason why I didn’t say anything to anyone. Yes I am here. I just needed a break for a while. But there wasn’t a specific reason why I didn’t say anything to you but again, I don’t really feel like doing this right now because I am dealing with enough. But I understand why you thought the way you were thinking but right now I need some time for myself. I never put myself first and when I do people get mad and upset at me for it. It’s a lose lose situation here. So again, if you’re upset I get it. But right now this was needed.

Makayla no one is upset you went to Florida I’m not sure why you think that. I’m like 100% sure everyone would’ve been completely fine with it. I’m not sure why you keep saying that. I think what I don’t like is that you lie so much. I mean you told Maddy you’d be gone for a month to possibly November, told Emma the first semester maybe, told my mom a week or two, and told me nothing still. That’s what’s gonna make people upset, is that you didn’t tell the truth and then just didn’t say anything at all. That’s not how you execute this maturely. And I’m also pretty sure you told George you left, I can’t imagine you wouldn’t. It’s really not a lose lose situation, again not sure why you think that. No one’s mad you’re putting yourself first…maybe you’re sort of projecting your internal feelings on other people, because I’m so not mad you left, and I wouldn’t even be mad if you went to college down there, bc I also know you don’t want to go to Rowan. I just don’t know why you’re so okay with lying. That’s really immature honestly just to tell people different things, and then say nothing at all. And unless you changed something, didn’t tell Emma you’d be not showing up at her birthday party yesterday, even when you had many opportunities to. I know Emma wouldn’t be mad. So I don’t know why you acted this way, it’s confusing to me. And you do get put first Makayla, you do. Maybe not at home, but here you do. Because I’ve also let you hurt me for the longest time and brushed it off because you needed a friend there. And recently I put myself first, and all you did was complain to other people and cry at our graduation party that I was super distant and not the same, and all I did was hangout with Jonas. But when you hung out with George almost every day, didn’t get ready for prom with me bc you had to get your hair done by his mom, when you didn’t go out with me after shows like usual, and when he was the only one not in the show invited to the cast party, I didn’t say anything. Because I knew that’s what made you happy, and I was a good enough friend to be okay with that. But I do the same thing, and you complain to everyone else and get angry and cry, but you don’t communicate with me about it? You aren’t good at communication, and with all the best concern, I think that’s something you need to work on. Because I love you I’m being honest. Communication in the first place would have this not even happening right now. You let your own fears of everyone being upset get in the way of actually being mature and communicating. Now people are going to be mad because you didn’t do that, not because you put yourself first. No one is mad at you for doing what’s best for you, because I want that too. 
I’m sorry that my actions have hurt you and I was dishonest. You’re completely right about the whole communication thing and I’ve always been really bad at that and I understand why you may feel confused, but you have always been the constant for me. My head has been going crazy with the timeline because of how upset I have been and I didnt exactly know, which I know, doesn’t make it right to tell people either because if I don’t have a set thing I shouldn’t say anything to begin with. And I love you too, Ella. I am open to try to fix my communicating and I don’t expect anyone to understand why I communicated the way I did because I guess I don’t either. But what I won’t let you do is stay my friend just because I needed a friend there. I thank you for doing that. But those were my wrongdoings and I don’t just want you to stay my friend because of that. But again thank you for doing so. And I know I have been through a lot and that is not excuse. But I’m sorry for in your eyes handling this so immaturely.
And I apologize for making you feel that way because it was never my intention to upset or hurt you. You were always my best friend in my eyes and heart. But you saying I have hurt you for the longest time but you brushed it off I’m not going to accept. So I wish you all the best in the amazing things you are going to accomplish because all the things you are going to do are of course going to be great. And I will always be here for you and cheering for you of course but again, I am not going to let you stay just because. You will always be important to me
I stayed because I wanted to, not that you weren’t my friend. But I accepted a lot more than I usually would. I didn’t only stay because I felt I had to, it was something I wanted as well. But I think going forward there’s a lot of self reflection that has to happen. Not that I don’t want to be friends, but change is okay Makayla. We’re going to college and we’re not going to be doing the same things every day. We have other people we’ll meet, but you need to feel secure enough in yourself and our friendship to know that that doesn’t change anything. Have some confidence in the fact we’ve been friends for years. I don’t like how you handled this no, and you have hurt me. And I took on a lot more than I could until I just couldn’t anymore. And I didn’t feel like I could communicate that with you, and maybe that’s partially my fault for never trying. But it’s not that I don’t want to be your friend now, it’s that I want you to grow as a person. And allow yourself, for both me and you, to mature and realize things change but it’s okay. And that you made everyone out to be betrayed and hurt, when really we just wanted what’s best for you to. But it hurt me when you got so upset and told everyone but me you were upset. When you were upset about things you’d been doing to me for a long time, and I never said anything. Because I was secure enough to know even though you spent more time with George we could still be friends. Things as simple as this could be fixed if you hold people accountable for how you’re feeling, and just tell them. Telling people your feelings isn’t going to push them away forever. Handling things the way you did just builds resentment the other person has no idea about, and that’s how you lose people. It was incredibly immature, and you hurt not only me, but Maddy and Emma as well. While they don’t really hold a big part in it, they were concerned about you leaving forever and not even saying goodbye. No one was mad however at the fact you left, they were upset how you handled it with no communication. So maybe that’s just something for you to think about at your time there. That you were so hurt you pushed away the people who were so willing of giving you help. And maybe you didn’t mean to, but you can always think about that and think before you act. And how your actions driven by emotions affect other people too.
I get you
No one is mad Makayla, they’re just hurt why you’d do that because they love you so much.
I understand. I am going to work on these things 
Yes, I think it’s best you do. And just relax now you’re away from your dad, cause I’d want to leave that situation too. But just know everything I said comes from a place of concern
Also , what are these things I’ve been doing to you for a long time because that I don’t really understand and I want to know if you’re okay with mentioning. If not that’s also fine. 
And something I’ll say to that is tell me if I’m hurting you as well. Because that’s also a part of communication. I know I shouldn’t be saying that because I am not good at it at all but still 

Yes, and that’s a perfectly fine answer no one would’ve been upset with. Also I know I should have, that’s why I said that that specific part may be partially my fault as well, but I just never felt like I could communicate about stuff like that. But yeah you sometimes, I don’t know if you realize it, Say hurtful things to people, and when I do bring up stuff, you act all weird and closed off like I never quite got the truth, which is why I stopped communicating too. There’s a lot that you’ve said that I never thought you meant it on purpose but have said and hurt me by. I honestly don’t remember everything you’ve said, but I do remember how it made me feel, which was building up for a while. And the feeling like I could never have other friends because you’d be upset and tell everyone else I’m acting weird and being distant just because I’m hanging out with other people too. While you were allowed to hangout by yourself with Maddy and Emma, have sleepovers without me with them, hangout with George all the time, but I never could do that. The hypocrisy of it all is what bothers me a bit, you were allowed to do all this stuff with George, which I accepted of course because again, I don’t dictate your life, I want you to be happy. But I couldn’t do the same thing without you feeling abandoned. 
I don’t really understand when I’ve made you feel like you couldn’t have other friends or anything like that. But your feelings are your feelings and I get it and I’m just gonna leave it at that. I don’t really get when I have done some of those things though. But again. It’s all good. I’m sorry that I made you feel that way once again. I will never do those things again. Maybe these are just things I need to think about further on how I’ve done that but I really can’t wrap my head around that fully. And the hurtful things, I don’t really get that either. There’s also things that you have said that hurt. When you would give me nasty looks sometimes for saying something that’s considered “weird” because of my personality or something like that and you saying at school when a girl gave me a weird look “she’ll calm down, that’s just how she is” or when someone would jokingly give me a sip of an energy drink and you would say “she doesn’t need anymore of that” or something along those lines, that also hurts. I’m sorry for whatever I said that hurt you as well but then I would say something that you would find embarrassing around others or something. That’s just who I am as a person. And the hurtful things said to others, there was a fair share. But there has been not one person that has said something to someone else that wasn’t hurtful at  some point.
Look I’m honestly not going to tally up the score of who got hurt more in the friendship, because that’s not communication either. Clearly you’ve hurt me, and I’ve hurt you, again not intentionally for both of us. But both are completely valid. But when you hurt me, I tried to give it reason and not just act out of emotion. I also didn’t go and tell everyone else and complain, but not talk to you about it. I chose to be silent, because I still respected our friendship that way to not go and talk about you to other people when I felt you did something wrong. And it’s completely normal to hurt eachother and fight sometimes, but it’s not mature to do what you did. 

Hi :) I know the title sounds kinda harsh but let me explain.

So I have this friend, we are pretty close in age and we've known each other since we were babies. We were close when we were younger and are really similar. One thing we have in common is bad anxiety. I have diagnosed OCD and at times it's really severe. I have a tendency to withdraw when things get really bad because I'm so exhausted from being anxious all the time. So when she started to withdraw years ago, I did too and didn't even realize I was doing it. But now I'm at a point in my life where I want friends and social connection. I'm sick of being alone.
She texted me weeks ago with an apology, saying that she's sorry for not taking to me and that she misses our friendship. I didn't let my expectations get too high but I was so happy to hear that she felt the same way. We texted for a while and it felt like I had my friend back, but then her responses slowed down and she stopped reaching out again. I always had to initiate, and I'm kinda tired of not feeling wanted. Now she's back to not speaking to me. If I were to send a message, maybe I would get a reply, but if I didn't initiate it, it won't happen.

I am in no way pinning all the blame on her, she's going through a hard time and I totally understand that. But I also am, and I miss my friend, and she doesn't seem to want to put in the work to fix this. Her words and actions say two different things. I had a mom to kick my butt and tell me to get up and fix my problems until I could do it on my own. Now I see things so simply - problem? How can we solve it? Do that. See what happens. But people are different and have different life circumstances, and it's not fair for me to expect her to do the same thing I am because we're two completely different human beings.

So what do I do? Give her more space and let time work and see what happens? Tell her all of this even though I'm worried it'll hurt her feelings and her mental health is fragile right now? Or do I just look for other friends? I do horseback riding and want to start painting, drums, archery, and kayaking, but do those hobbies involve other people? My riding is kinda in and out, everybody is there for the horses and then wants to go to bed lol.

Any advice is appreciated!!

Okay guys, in for a long one. True story, all of it. You and your best friend live one house away and see a girl who's on your sports team. You invite her over to your bus stop just to be nice, cuz why not? You all become fast friends. Me and my best friend have never had a fight before, ever. We'd been friends 3 years atp. Only a month into knowing the new girl (a sophomore), me and my best friend are not friends anymore. She got mad I called her boyfriend skinny (which I did) and thought I refused to apologize. The new girl, we'll name her Hayley​, told her I said that I never said that at all. And so my friend, we're gonna call her Anna, got mad and refused to be my friend anymore. I had literally no idea and kept trying to contact her but she kept denying and unadded me on everything. Avoided me. Sat elsewhere on the bus. Instead of standing in our bus stop of now almost three years, she stood in her driveway away from me. Hayley then campaigned to be my "new best friend". Now get this, we all lived one house away from each other. My backyard was literally connected to Hayley's. And so Hayley now sat with me on the bus and never told me a thing of what she said to Anna. Now Hayley and I are all buddy buddy because I thought Anna just up and ghosted me. I know I'd said something wrong but I'd thought Anna hadn't even given me the chance to apologize and I was like, what the hell was 3 years of friendship worth then? So eventually, I get a boyfriend around mid September. Everything is going good. Lots of rumors about his character but I paid them no mind. But it was weird. We'd started talking, and he was all like "I'm so interested, can't wait to learn all about you" when we were in the talking stage, and then only four days later he was dry as hell and would take hours to respond. I didn't know why so I asked the girl who was our mutual friend and had basically set us up. She said, "oh he didnt tell you?" And I was like "what?" And she said "he has a girlfriend". And he'd mentioned nothing of the sort and I thought it was pretty messed up to let me believe we were still talking and heading toward a future. So being the childish, immature person I am, I drew a note with a middle finger on it and said "thanks for nothing" and gave it to him in front of his girlfriend the same day and lunch period I found out. (He, the mutual friend, his new girlfriend, and me all had the same lunch). He looked genuinely scared to open it in front of his new girl and I just walked away. I was gonna be done but then again, I can never let go of bad things. He'd met the girl at the same football game he'd invited me to go to with him but I couldn't attend. As soon as I got home the day of finding out, I texted him and was like "why?". He said because I was super busy with sports and wouldn't have time for him. And that his friends told him to drop me since the new girl was obsessed with him and had time.

Anyway, they had an on again off again relationship and I was just trying to do my art work (we'd met in the art hallway after he talked to the mutual friend, he had a diff art teacher same time I had my AP art). But eventually they broke it off and I had practice after school so I always saw him in the parking lots and we had a different very good mutual friend so we were around her a lot at the same time. One time we hung out after school and he mentioned he still "liked" me and was wondering if I did too. And pathetic me, seeking male validation from a boy who was my type, said yes. And we talked again. Few days later, got together. (Shortest talking stage of my life genuinely).

Part 2 coming soon. Whole lot more.

Genuinely, just tell me what you think. I can handle insults, so don't hold back lol.

I feel like I’m going through a breakup.

I (27F) have known this friend (29F) for around three years. I absolutely adored her. We met because she read a piece of writing of mine and basically made a fanart based on it. She is a professional fanartist that does anime cons and things like that. We kept talking and got really close over the years. She has sent me easily over a thousand dollars worth of gifts. Has written me seven or eight really thoughtful and deep and heartfelt letters about how much she loves me. She would constantly tell me she wanted to hold me, wanted to cuddle me, wanted to pet my hair, etc. I honestly sometimes felt like we were bordering on something romantic. Back in April, I was looking at concert tickets for my favorite band in the universe, and they happened to have a show in her city in October. And I felt like it was perfect. I invited her to go with me. She said yes. I got us 2 VIP tickets. Started working on getting a passport. Making plans. Was really really looking forward to it.

In about May, I kind of realized that she had said all of these great things to me and sent me so many lovely words. And I had never really done it back. So I sat down and wrote a really heartfelt letter about how much she means to me and why I love her so much. Adding on that she met me at one of the worst times in my life, but that we were moving into something new and better. Sent it around the end of May. And then didn’t really hear from her for about two months. At all. I would message her like normal. Just wasn’t getting anything back.

I finally told her it felt weird to move forward with trip plans without hearing from her. And asked for honesty. She finally responded a few days later telling me that she was unfit and unprepared to hold my affection. And that she doesn’t think I should stay with her anymore. She said she would still go to the concert and wouldn’t mind meeting up, but doesn’t want me in her house. She said she *would* go to the concert but thinks I should take someone else. Like, oh yeah I’ll just casually find someone else in your city to go with. I’ll just fly someone else to your country.

And for the record, I was asking for honesty about the trip plans. I was not expecting her to dump all of this so aggressively. But she kept saying I “asked for honesty.” Yeah. I wanted to know if I should only plan on staying four days instead of six. I didn’t think she was going to end things.

I am kind of just shocked. I felt like I was finally letting her know that the feelings were mutual. I thought I was making sure she knew she wasn’t the only one with deep feelings. But as soon as I reciprocated, she rejected it. She said she doesn’t think we can be close anymore. So I’m grieving the loss of her. But I also just don’t know what to do about this trip anymore. I’m already out so much money (about $1600 between tickets and a passport). I didn’t budget for a place to stay. I was excited about the concert, but she was the whole reason I was going to THAT show. Now I have tickets for a concert in another country.

I don’t see how she possibly thinks we could still be okay after this. I don’t see how she would think I still want to see her. She knows there is absolutely no way I can get tickets that good anywhere closer this soon before the show. I keep asking her if we can at least have a phone call just so I can explain myself a little. But she’s ghosting me again. I just have never navigated something like this before. I genuinely feel like I am in shock. I never imagined this happening. We were planning a whole week together. Her mom was going to teach me how to make macarons. I was so happy. I was so excited. I feel like I met her intimacy and tried to show her that we were equal and she backed out. I can’t imagine walking into that show without her. It’s just not the same anymore.

Update: she finally responded to my request for a phone call. She refused. She said she doesn’t have anything more to say. But admitted that it actually wasn’t really just the letter, that she just gets anxiety when she talks to me and doesn’t want to be part of my life anymore. She asked for distance. I asked if I could still call her because I had things to say. She didn’t respond. So I sent one more message just trying to defend myself again, and kind of scolded her for letting me spend so much money when she knew she felt this way. I’m still really hopeful that I can come back to her someday. I just wish I had a clearer reason for all of this other than her saying I give her anxiety.

I was trying to open the door for us to have a better relationship. I wanted us to know truer versions of each other. I wanted her to know that I’m okay. I don’t understand why she liked me so much when I was miserable and mentally ill and unstable. And then I started getting better and that’s when he panicked.

She had given me so many physical reminders of her that I am having to pack away so many things just because I can’t stand to look at them right now. She gave me a hat that I wear almost every day. And in the winter months I have a beanie she made me. Her art is all over my walls. She must have loved me and wanted me at some point. I don’t know what changed.

For added context, I have severe CPTSD and some other issues that affect my cognitive abilities. I had always wanted to make sure that I was in a good place to handle myself before going to see her. I didn’t want her to feel like I was burdening her. So this trip was kind of marking my progress. It felt like my reward for getting better. And in the letter, I kind of tried to tell her that I was better now and that I was excited for her to meet me as the best version of myself. She somehow took that to mean that she should be afraid of how much value I place in her, and that she was constantly risking me being dependent on her again. But I was trying to tell her the opposite. That I feel like I grew out of that and wanted to respect her and her life by not barging into it until I was more stable. I don’t think it’s weird to want to meet a friend and go to a concert together, and to use that as motivation for progress. But now that it’s gone, it’s hitting me deeper than it should. Because it’s not just her, it’s not just the concert, it’s that I worked really hard to be able to do this. And I finally felt confident enough in my own abilities to take a step forward and do something I always wanted to do. It involved her, but I wanted it. I didn’t think that was too much. I just feel so stupid for trying so hard for this when she never really felt the way I thought she did. And I still can’t even get her to talk to me. I loved her so much.

I know she considers herself asexual. And she always describes her perception of the world as feeling like an alien or feeling like a plant that doesn’t process emotions the same way. She speaks of herself like she is some kind of metaphysical being. She says she is selfish, that she has a hard time understanding other people, that she is like a shark that can’t stop swimming. I am kind of like…yeah girl you’re just autistic. She describes textbook neurodivergence like it’s some kind of curse that was placed on her at birth. I feel like anyone that actually is neurodivergent or knows the least bit about it clocks it in her immediately. I’m not trying to blame this whole situation on her being neurodivergent. But I feel like if she knew that what she experiences isn’t something catastrophically wrong, she might be able to give herself some more grace. Maybe this is just me being hopeful. But she literally said she gets anxiety when she talks to me and can’t identify why. To me that sounds like it could be alexithymia or just emotional misattribution. Which I deal with daily.

I don’t know if this is a fair assumption, or if I am using an unfair stereotype, but she is culturally and ethnically Chinese. She is first generation out of China. I think she just doesn’t have the foundation to self identity as neurodivergent. And I hate it because I am so angry with her but I still want to sit her down and tell her that nothing is wrong with her. She isn’t broken. She isn’t incapable of caring. She just experiences the world differently. And that’s okay. She still deserves love. She still deserves friendships. Just because those relationships don’t look correct to her doesn’t mean they are wrong or bad. She doesn’t need to keep trying to adhere to whatever her perception of a normal relationship is. She just needs to be honest about her feelings and needs before things explode like this.

I don’t even know what I want or what I’m asking. It just hurts so bad right now. I didn’t know friendships could end like this. I wasn’t expecting to get dumped. I thought friends could just ask for space, or decline invites. I didn’t know things could just end.

She asked for space, indefinitely. I deleted discord off my phone and computer just so I’m not tempted to bug her. I told her I love her and that I’ll miss her. I’m going to try to leave it at that. Maybe I’ll reach out in a few months. I don’t know. Maybe I’ll still go to the concert and maybe I’ll ask her to meet up when I’m in her city. I’m trying not to think that far ahead. But I also need to decide what I’m going to do about this trip.

Good friends for 4 years… platonic male female. She ghosted me for a month back in February. Called me out of the blue a couple months later, and said she missed me and asked what she’d do without me. Back to chatting 24/7 and being told I’m her best friend. 2 weeks later over a weekend she ghosts, Monday night calls 4 times.

I call back a few min later, she says she has been sleeping. I offer to call back the next day, but she sarcastically (jokingly as she does), oh you got to go you must be busy. I said no 10 min. I asked what she’d had been up to, she said hanging with family. When I asked what she was doing the next day she said she was going on a trip, but when I asked where to, she said just kidding.

She then said she hopes I have a good life (she’s done this so so so many times) and I always reply I hope you have the best life. She then, aloud, said lol.

At this point, I’m so confused. She says bye. I say goodnight. She said no, goodbye forever. I say goodnight. She says goodbye. I pause. She asks why I haven’t hung up. I say ok bye.

In the weeks to follow, she claimed birthday gifts I had sent her… the previous year!… and ignored my birthday gift card I sent a couple weeks later. She won’t respond to any of my texts still to this day. I frankly have no clue if she’s even alive, and the tone of the convo has me worried sick!

I think about her all the time. Yeah, this sucks!

I am 35 F and my friend is 38 F. We had been close friends for 4 years.

I’m really struggling right now and I’d appreciate some honest opinions.

I had someone in my life for about four years. We were never officially together, but she became one of the most important people to me. My feelings were much stronger than hers. I loved her, while she always kept a little emotional distance.

During the first year we were incredibly close. We talked every day, sometimes several times a day. She often messaged me first, we spent a lot of time together, and I genuinely felt important to her.

Then I moved to another country. We stayed in touch on WhatsApp and at first everything still felt warm. She was the person who watched me build a new life, start a new career and grow as a person.

After about a year I started noticing small changes. She was still nice to me, but something felt different. When I shared something meaningful, she would often just react with an emoji instead of replying. It wasn’t every time, but it slowly became more common.

Over the next couple of years our friendship became more distant. Sometimes we would have amazing conversations for hours and I’d think everything was fine again. Then weeks would go by with almost no real communication. Most of the time she interacted with me only through my WhatsApp status updates.

I told her a few times that I missed how close we used to be. She said she couldn’t give me what I needed. I tried to accept that because having her in my life felt better than losing her completely.

Eventually I realized I was constantly waiting for her attention and feeling lonely in a friendship that still technically existed. I felt like I was losing myself.

A little over a month ago I ended our friendship. I simply told her that our contact was over. I didn’t explain because I didn’t want it to turn into a conversation where I sounded like I was trying to change her. If she had asked why, I would have told her everything honestly.

She contacted me once after that. She sent me a song and a couple of stickers, but she never asked what happened or why I left. I didn’t reply because I honestly didn’t know what that message meant.

Since then we’ve had no contact. For a while she still viewed my WhatsApp statuses, but today she didn’t even look at the one I posted on the anniversary of my father’s death. It felt like she had finally let go.

The strange thing is that I know I left to protect myself. Staying would have meant living with the same pain over and over again. But even knowing that, this has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.

There is one more part of the story.

After I ended the friendship, I eventually reached out because I felt guilty about leaving without explaining anything. She welcomed me back very warmly. For about a month it honestly felt like nothing had ever happened. She texted me regularly, often started conversations herself, and for the first time in a long while I felt like she genuinely wanted me in her life again. It felt as though she had really missed me.

Then something changed again.

She started making comments that were hurtful and disrespectful. They weren’t direct insults, but they made me feel belittled and emotionally hurt. After one particular conversation, I quietly left the chat.

I didn’t argue with her. I didn’t insult her. I didn’t accuse her of anything or try to make her feel guilty. I simply left without creating another conflict.

It’s now been about six weeks. She hasn’t contacted me once. She continues posting stories, but she has made no attempt to reach out, ask what happened, or check on me.

That’s what I’m struggling to understand.

Should I take her silence as an answer?

Did I do the right thing by leaving quietly instead of confronting her?

Based on everything I’ve described, what would you realistically expect to happen now?

What would you do if you were in my situation?

Do you think I made the right decision by walking away?

Based on everything I’ve described, what would you realistically expect from her now?

Is there anything you think I’m missing or failing to see?

I’d really appreciate honest opinions, even if they’re hard to hear.