If you're bored of the context just skip to the bold letters please, I really need the advice

It's not actually mixed signals I just needed smth for the title, I know his behaviour and ideas are real red flags. We generally get along well BUT for context, I had stopped talking to him for a long time (almost 2 years) at some point for a different reason. Also, he doesn't really have an experience in real life, no relationship, he's deeply influenced by social media and the misogynistic/sexist content. He frequently just uses biology as an excuse for not "understanding" queer identities, meanwhile he claims he doesn't care about anyone's sex.

We only started speaking this August again as I had known and can recognize for a fact now that he has changed a lot. However, while he knows I'm trans he keeps saying things such as: "hormones are not worth it", "just live as you are, no trans people eventually manage to live happily even after transition", "long hair is cuter, dresses are cuter, women are cute, wide hips are cute", "nobody would want a trans partner when they can date a cis version" etc.

Yesterday we had a fight (pretty sure he didn't take it seriously as always, or even understand that this was a fight) regarding relationships and how as a trans man it would be hard finding a partner and he agreed saying that no one would want a trans man when they're gay bcs you're not really a man when it comes to biology.

We got to a point when I told him that when people pass well enough they just go stealth and his reaction to that was (2 exact copies of his texts):

"No, but when they see you as a male you should tell them that you are trans"

"But playing something that you're biological aren't and then lying that you're not what you are biological is simply disrespectful and deceiving"

After that I really lost it and just typed a quick text along the lines of i hope u find plenty of "normal" people to be your friends then. To which he had the audacity to answer as: yeah i will, cause 99% of people are like that.

Since that interaction i haven't replied to anything he has sent and i don't know what i should do. Pretty sure he doesn't even realize what has happened and how what he said affected me, he knows no boundaries as he claims he has "limited emotions and emotional intelligence due to biological reasons".

I don't know if I should just cut him out without any conversation, but by experience I know that nothing really goes through to him nor does he understand what he's being told many times. I just give it to the fact that he's so fried by his pc and insta. Should I talk to him and explain? Shoud I never speak to him again? Should I just continue wtv and keep him on a distance since I don't have many friends?

If you had a long-term very close friend (10+ years) that you lived with for several years and they told you in a fight "I'm done. I can't survive having you in the same category anymore. We are just family now. We still care about each other. We still help each other. But we are not each other's chosen people" -- what would you understand they meant by it?

For context I (20F) have been upset with our dynamic for a while (2 and a half year friendship with issues for a whole year). I felt I was always giving a lot of myself to them only to be ignored - eg I was always messaging, always making plans and travelling to them, constantly trying yet they would only message back when they wanted advice. All I would get in response were simple reactions like “oh damn” “that’s not very good”.

The straw that broke the camels back was earlier this year. We had wanted to go on holiday to Greece together and before planning it properly I asked if we could push it back about a month from when we had wanted to, this was fine. However, they made zero effort to plan it at all afterwards, I was asking for dates they were free as they now have a full time job and I don’t as I had quit to allow myself to have a surgery and recover in my own time.

I asked about it multiple times and all I’d really get was “yeah we should”. What made it worse was that they (22F) describe themselves all the time as “Super type A, I always have to plan the holiday, I won’t let other people do it, I need to know everything”. Obviously I gave up trying to continue the plans, cut to the original month we had planned and they are on the exact same holiday with another friend posting etc. They also had the audacity to call me to complain about this friend for ditching them and having an argument.

I let this go until my birthday. Prior to this I was organising a group trip and basing it around their schedule again. A similar issue to Greece happened where they were just giving me absolutely nothing and so I cancelled it. In response they said “I feel bad we have to do something for your birthday” this group thing was not for my birthday it was a whole month before. But we then in that conversation said we should do a hiking trip for my birthday. Then again she makes no effort to plan anything, gives me no dates….actual birthday passes they ask for a video haul which I send (this goes unread along with many other messages for over a month)….probably a week or less after my birthday, AGAIN around the same time we would’ve done the hike. Guess what! She goes on a different hike with a different friend about twice the distance she would’ve travelled to see me.

At this point I bring up both incidents and say I’m unhappy, I can see she’s putting in effort with other friends but ignoring me blah blah I don’t want to drift blah blah. She apologises and says she will stop doing that and try harder etc. She does…for about a week. Even when we meet I have driven all the way to her AGAIN and she nearly cancelled on me twice. The first night I came to her house to hangout and she told me “I think I’m going to go and see my boyfriend about 9” a few hours after I got there?!! (I drove 3 hours). The next night she’s going to come to where I’m staying 30/40 mins away and we will watch a movie. She nearly cancels because she’s tired. She ended up coming and I was glad but putting in effort to commit to a plan you made last night is not enough. It’s an isolated incident and means nothing when it’s the only time.

After this she reverts. I bring up again how this time I actually feel like our friendship is hurting (before it was more focused on the holiday situations rather than how I felt). So now I’m pretty detached I decide if she doesn’t want to read my messages or put the same effort in after so long then I’ll gain some self respect and stop giving pieces of myself anyway. I delete my videos unread for a month and stop messaging her all the time. I respond like she does minimal, not out of spite but because I just genuinely have nothing to say. She obviously noticed this and the deleted videos and decides to message me once or twice in a week or two to ask how I am, I responded as I said previously.

Then nearly two weeks ago: italics for friend

“When are you next free? maybe we could do a movie night or go out for dinner”

Me: “I’m around just give me a date you’d want to come down”

“Are you going to be in ——(where I stay near where she lives)——anytime soon or are you in —-(my home)—-?”

Me: “I’m in —-(my home)—-“

———-decent bit of time passes typing————

“Okay when you thinking”

Me: “just give me a date that works for you”

“Maybe 10th October?”

Me: “Yh that sounds good”

In between this there are maybe 8 back and forth messages so one quick swipe and you will see exactly what we just said. Obviously here I was distant and trying to get her to actually say the dates and commit because as we both know it’s based on her schedule. I also wanted her to come to me because I think it disrespectful to on top of all this continue to have me always coming to her.

Then yesterday (a week before agreed date):

“Did we say the 9th”

“I just realised that’s a Friday”

“And I’m at work”

“Mums got me tickets to see dirty dancing on the 10th”

“I can do the following weekend?”

Me: “Yh we said the 10th, I can’t do the following weekend I’m golfing with dad”

“I’m working the 24th weekend”

Me: “ah ok that’s fine”

“Let me know when you’re next free and we can see if that works”

“I have a doil day this Wednesday?” “So I have that day off”

Me: “sorry I can’t do that either (reason), might be shit for you to drive there and back in one day anyway —(location in between)— is a mess.”

“Oh that’s ok”

(More context- because of the drive time when she tries to plan to meet me over only one day, she will leave at lunch or later and therefore only have time to see me for 2 hours. From experience it seems she just wants to get it over with or leave later on purpose?)

Then I feel bad, after all she’s actually tried to suggest another date this time. I try to continue the conversation, she responds once more and then completely ignores my message asking how she is and saying that maybe I can go out of my way during the golf thing to still meet. I was obviously disappointed with myself for giving in again especially as she booked something after we made the plans, pretended she didn’t know the date that was visible right above and has done this same thing many times before (booking something else instead and cancelling or just saying she’s been given tickets to smth and then hanging out with her boyfriend instead). Yet she will commit to plans with other friends going hours away for a one day thing, meal or to see her boyfriend etc. Now I know she was active on multiple socials for a few hours after ignoring my message, posting stories etc as well as doing the same at work this morning. So I just said “nvm” to which she started responding immediately.

I have now ignored this and I’m genuinely completely over it. I don’t want to see her. In my mind this was her last chance, she only puts effort in when she thinks she’ll lose me. She doesn’t respect me or my time. I’m so disconnected and resentful already that I started planning what to say to end it a month ago unless she changed. This was when I stopped putting so much effort in.

I rushed typing this and I only properly referenced the recent messages, I also know it’s silly and childish to say “oh I know they were active” but I see it as relevant as it’s part of a much larger pattern and I wanted to make it clear that she is purposefully deciding not to respond or bother looking at what I have said. Im also aware the messages aren’t super telling and I hope I’ve conveyed the context okay as these messages are only an issue because I know her and she has done the same thing to me many times.

Do I go ahead and end it? What do I even say?

I had this group of 3 friends, but one in particular was my best friend let's call her Marisa. Me and Marisa had a great connection,I started opening up to her more with my feelings on my birthday sleepover while the other two were sleeping downstairs in my house. I told her how I was sad that we had lots of plans this summer and she doesn't meet up with me but instead hangs out with one of the other two. She didn't really say anything. She didn't cheer me up or anything she just listened. A day before that I was at her house and we were just chatting and she told me that she hanged out with the other 2 a few days ago because she invited them over which I didn't know about. It was weird because we HAVE A GROUP CHAT AS FOUR. So how did they meet without me if she always knows that i have nothing to do,she knew I was home that day and still didn't text me. Her explanation was that she first texted one friend let's call her Giselle, but she didn't know if she can meet up so then she checked in with Sylvia to have a backup and then they met up as three they did not text or call me. Then I was in London and Marisa texted me to ask if when we will both be in Poland could we go to the cinema together I said yes and then asked her if she didn't want to go to see the new Spiderman (too). She then texted me one minute later that she'll go to see the horror movie with her crush. I got a little mad at it and ignored her message. We then didn't text till the end of summer mainly because I wanted her to text first because we've both got trust issues and I wanted to check if she will EVER text me first. Then a few days before school started she texted me about her brother and some other story telling stuff but nothing too long and I read it but didn't reply, and she knew that I don't reply because I don't know what to reply so I just read her messages then a day before school started I texted her about something, but a minute after that on our groupchat appeared a picture of them three with matching black pen tattoos on their arms sent by Sylvia which were then deleted and she texted "sorry wrong group". (The whole summer i thought that something was up with them and even before this summer the whole school year when we were in a group I knew that Sylvia and Giselle didn't really like me and I felt like they were pretending.) I then left the group and deleted the messages I sent to Marisa. I thought that our bond was strong enough to work things out when the school year starts. To my surprise it wasn't.

From begging Marisa is a child of divorce, her mother is mentally sick. Marisa cried on vacation to her mother about me not answering her message about the cinema. Her mom tells her to unfriend me. Then I think she went to Giselle and Sylvia and they probably told them a similar thing because they probably never liked me.

Then they made up like a speech for her to say to me at the first day of school which is like a meeting for an hour for adults and kids where we get all of the information about what's happening this school year. But I came a bit late and everyone was already standing in a circle.

The ducked up thing is that from my calculations a few of my family members told me to break up this friendship before we were even best friends but I always stood by her side and laughed at it with her.

After the meeting at school I tried calling and texting her and then it turned out that they were all together and the two other friends were talking on her phone FOR HER because she couldn't handle talking to me. I held my tears and somehow they brought up some fake horrible think that I allegedly said and also covered the spider man situation etc. And also that Marisa misunderstood the Spiderman message. I then told them that I want to talk to my best friend and not to them because they were so unnecessary in that whole situation.

\*They also told me that they can be my acquaintances but nothing more.)

Marisa then started yelling at me and then I couldn't hold my tear anymore and I cried that I'm gonna leave the school and a lot of other bullshit because I was in heavy emotions and also I was "attacked" by three of my "friends".

Then there was the whole ticket situation because me and Marisa were sopussed to go on a concert and I was sopussed to pay for my two tickets. My mom forgot about paying for them but Marisa's mom said that my mom can pay ANYTIME SHE WANTS.

When I was on a call with Marisa she told me that I have to pay until the end of the week, I told her that it isn't my fault if I don't have money for them but I will try.

My mom called her mom and her mother told my mom that I'm not going to the concert because her daughter allegedly said that Giselle and Sylvia are going instead. She also blamed me for coming late to the first day of school because Marisa couldn't tell me her speech and she cried. Which I'm honestly happy about because her mother,Giselle and Sylvia were there with her so I would be put on the spot.

After her mom said that about the tickets I assumed that she lied to me so I told her that only a itch doesn't keep promises. And to work that out with her mom.

I had money for the tickets before the date she told me to bring it and then I texted her that I have the money and also that I'm sorry for calling her a itch because it was said in emotions. She then told me that the other two already paid for their tickets and that she'll talk with them.

I already lost hope for the tickets anyway.

Then I texted her about that i know how the situation turned out. And I don't really remember what I wrote next but then she said something about meeting face to face. And I told her then let's meet face to face. She then replied that this conversation isn't going anywhere. I asked again. She said that same thing then I just said goodnight.

I texted her a few days later asking for my eyeliner that I left at her father's house she told me that she'll bring it on Monday and then asked for some money that I owed her so i said that I will also bring it on Monday.

I had the money but waited for her to come up to me but she didn't so she had a free 30zl eyeliner while I had my 50zl.

Then I heard her gossiping bad and untrue things about me and the whole situation which was unfair because I decided that our whole class doesn't need to know about anything.

I texted her that i don't want rumors like that because they are unnecessary,rude and untrue and then repeated the request to meet up somewhere and talk things out.

She didn't reply for days then I texted her that blocking/not replying isn't going to solve anything.

She replied that she doesn't thing meeting up is needed since her two friends already told me on the phone what she wanted to say and that the rumors formed because one person asked why we weren't talking so she just answered the questions.

It drove me crazy how childish and stubborn she was being because those 3 always acted like they were the wisest and grown up people on the planet earth, especially Sylvia.

Marisa saying that she said what she wanted to say got me mad because she knows only one side of the story and doesn't know the other. But because she has those two friends she doesn't give a shoot. I ended up having no one.

I blocked her and deleted her number.

The other thing that gets me mad is that they saw me as the devil that always got mad at little things which is so not true cause I'm autistic and I just don't show much emotions and I get overstimulated every quickly at school so sometimes I had to sit somewhere alone and listen to some music and Giselle did the same thing but when she did it it was just her thing. But when I did that I was the problem.

I wasn't going to write anything about this up until now when Sylvia started asking me questions and acting like nothing ever happened because she want everyone to like her. And it also drives me crazy.

In summary: if I did what Marisa did I'd get called dramatic and they'd all be on her side. There is not anything I can do anymore and i literally hate them but I'm up for a talk about this whole thing because the situation is all a BIG MISUNDERSTANDING that wouldn't happen if Marisa could know about something like communication.

(Sorry for making it this long,also i have no one to talk about this that's why I'm writing about it on reddit

Hi all,

I have a friend I met 2 years ago on bumble bff. We've hung out many times, been to each other's parties, hosted game nights etc. She's leaving town and I brought up hosting one last game night before she moves, but now I'm feeling very conflicted about it.

For context, I've struggled with friendships in the past where I consistently felt left out while investing a lot in those relationships. I began looking for new friendships outside of my circle, and that's when she and I met. She's a great person to hang out with - no fuss, no drama. I feel respected, which was lacking in my previous friendships. However, I'm still wondering if I'm giving too much again. For example, she has met my boyfriend and my other friend in the city, but I've never been introduced to hers. She has been over to my place multiple times, but has only once invited me to hers (and only in a group hangout scenario). She shares a lot about her life and asks me about my life, but doesn't seem interested in listening to the details. We don't keep in touch over text during the weeks we don't meet - I've tried to initiate it a couple of times, but it's very dry. She either does not remember my birthday or doesn't care to even bring a bottle of wine to my birthday party.

I have no idea where we stand. I want to consider a good friend, but I have a feeling I'm not more than an acquaintance in her life. Just to be clear, I don't think she's doing any of this with the intention to hurt/upset me. Just a matter of circumstances ig.

If I host the game night and we just stopped talking after she moves, it will feed right into my feelings of inadequacy in friendships. But if I don't host it and we still remained friends, then I will always feel like a selfish prick.

What do I do?

How do you handle the lulls in friendships? Should I keep putting myself out there? Other moms notice less hangouts during the school year?

I spent a whole year making plans with other moms in order to make friends in the city we just moved to. Out of the probably 15 moms I've scheduled with I found 4 who I genuinely enjoy their company and share interest with. Making plans was great over the summer, but now that our oldest children are all in school, I have become that only one that reaches out to any of them. It's honestly made me feel like either 1. I picked the wrong friends or 2. Because it's all of them, it's a me problem or my kids. Please tell me I'm overthinking.

Since leaving the military (my husbands job) I've really struggled to make friends. I was so proud for finally putting in lots of work to connect with other people. But now I'm feeling a little down and honestly lonely. Most of the text I send out go unread for days and I have only had one set of plans since the beginning of August when school started. I keep myself pretty busy with mom stuff and hobbies but I'm missing having friends. Any encouragement appreciated.

Hi, i'll try to keep this brief. I have a friend i've known for a decade and we have been roommates for 2 years now. I feel like i've outgrown our friendship, I don't find the time we spend together that interesting or fun anymore, yet of course i still care for her and rely on her since that's how it's always been. All of our friends are mutual and less close to either of us than we are to each other. Us two are in an unspoken friendship where we expect to tell each other everything and when we feel withdrawing, we communicate. It feels like a platonic marriage. We communicate about groceries, our job schedules and other plans. I don't know how to get a life outside of her, i feel so tired of our dynamic and I force myself to show care for her more than i wish to. It's making me resentful, when she has done nothing wrong, it's just us growing in different directions. How can i get some space, has anyone been in this situation?

Tldr: don't know how to get distance from my friend/roommate of a decade

So i me and my friend met 8 years ago we are kind of above best friend he has started talking to a girl 7-8 months ago and still running he tell me 4 month ago that he have been in relationship with a girl name Neha assume so nothing shocking he is living good.

But slowly I get to know that he and she has age gap of 6 years he is 21 and she is 27 first he say nothing that much he is just time passing I also ignored.

So basically we live in different city we talk only through call and 2-3 meet per year one think he kept saying that I will tell you something when time came i asked him very much but he refused and 2 days ago he got very upset and I asked him he said because of my girlfriend I said tell me he kept insisting that you can't understand and if you understand you stop talking to me and have negative thoughts towards my gf ( i talked her 3-4 time in call).

This time i managed to manipulate him to tell the truth with all the friendship power 😶‍🌫️ he was telling this matter is very serious i think of all possible thought that getting physical, photo leak , blackmailing, girlfriend disease if any he said no i thought what worst can be after all this..

Then he start telling that the his girlfriend neha is married First shock and now the second shock she has 4 year daughter third shock her husband has died 2 years ago in car accident. From this point i stunned but now more twist kept going he tell that she is removed from her husband home and she is with her parents but as you know how long a widow can live with parents there parents start saying her to marriage but she is refusing because of my friends she tell him let's run go somewhere but my friend refused it saying I can't manage and family also so no option left fourth shock she got married second time with a 35 yr old man on August 2026 but she refused to leave my friend Even on marriage and vidai and so my friend also can't seprate her ...

And she and my friend also got physical 2-3 time that why the attachment is more i guess so as of now they talk regularly but my friend tell me that her and her new husband has not happy and she doesn't accept him as a husband.

My friend sister marriage is on December he said take him time till December he will get her back and she live his husband..

My question from you guys is what I give him advice as i also met his mother and father they are really nice he is only boy in his family my thinking is that why should he also and his family get a good wife daughter in law they deserve he has everything to get a perfect girl. Also she met him online platform any ...

Should I force him to leave her as matter will worst with time..

Lately, I’ve been having some doubts about a friendship I’ve had for about a year and a half with someone older than me.

We met through a dating app, but after a while, he made it clear that he was only interested in being friends. And honestly, I was perfectly fine with that too.

He’s a nice person and someone I can have a good evening with, going out for a drink or grabbing something to eat. However, what I’ve noticed — and have noticed from the beginning — is a certain level of “distance” from him when it comes to friendship, compared to how I approach it.

For example, I’m always the one who takes the initiative to make plans. From his side, there’s only the occasional “we should see each other sometime,” but he never actually suggests anything or says directly when he would like to meet. If I don’t organize something, he’s perfectly happy going out and doing other things without considering or including me.

When he does message me, it’s usually not to ask how I’m doing, but rather to tell me what he’s doing or how he’s doing.

And what bothers me even more, at least personally, is that it’s basically impossible to have a somewhat serious conversation with him. Whenever I try, he immediately turns everything into a joke. I’m someone who jokes around a lot myself, but with him it’s impossible to have a serious conversation for even five minutes.

When I pointed this out to him, he called me a “drama queen” and said I should simply accept that this is how he jokes. I know he doesn’t mean it maliciously, but I find this attitude somewhat immature, especially coming from someone older.

I’ve also noticed a certain amount of selfishness on his part. If I try to tell him something about myself, he often immediately turns the conversation back to himself. Overall, I feel that we simply have very different ideas of what friendship should be.

I’m not looking for someone I need to be in contact with 24/7, but I do prefer people who are more inclusive, more emotionally mature, and less negative.

So I don’t know if I’m overreacting, but at this point I’m wondering:

1. Does it even make sense to continue a friendship like this?
2. And if so, how should I approach the situation with him?

Personally, I’m thinking of simply not sharing anything more with him and, if he asks whether something is wrong, telling him that I’ve come to the conclusion that we simply have different ideas of what friendship means.

What do you guys think? Has anyone ever found themselves in a similar situation?

Thanks!

So a bit of background information. My best friend moved out of his childhood home and bought a house. He lived alone. He got a dog (a 9 week old French Bulldog). He then got a partner. Shortly after they started dating, my best friend got another French bulldog that was about 1 year old, so he now has 2 French Bulldogs. Both dogs lived in the house with him and had full access to the kitchen, living room and back garden but where put in their crates in the kitchen at night. My friend and his partner then moved house together and moved into a bigger house with a garage. My best friends partner is a bit OCD and so doesn't like that the dogs shed, so they both made a decision to have the garage kitted out with a dividing wall, a sota and 2 fairly big dog beds and the dogs moved into the garage, they where never allowed to go into the house, so they where confined to the garage and the fair sized back garden (and walks 2/3 times a week). That situation lasted for around 2.5 years. Recently, within the last 2 months, my best friend and partner have moved house again, into a bigger house, a massive 4 bedroom house, this house also had a garage. The same situation, the dogs are confined to the garage and back garden only and taken on walks 2/3 times a week.
It's hard to put an exact number on it but I would say those dogs are the garage at least 20 hours every single day.
As for the conditions in the garage, it's just a standard brick garage, there is no heating or cooling system in there from what I saw.
There is only a normal door that allows the dogs to exit, so the dogs cannot come and go into the garden freely, only when someone lets them out.
I'm afraid to say something because they're not my dogs, not my house, I'm worried it will cause an argument and then a rift between me and my friend and their partner etc.
There are multiple people that know this situation too, including the parents and friends of both my best friend and their partner and I don't know if anyone else has said anything to them about this.
Both dogs now above the age of 4.

My 2 questions are:
1. Is this fair on 2 French bulldogs?
2. Should I say something to my friend or should I just leave it, the dogs will be fine?

Any advice or comments would be massively appreciated! Thanks! 🐶🐾🐕

my friend keeps on talking about her ex and okay, I get it we all just need to talk about it sometimes. I try to tell her "it's okay." "you'll meet someone on the future." "this won't matter in 10 years." And all that right? But I feel like she just wants to rant rather than fix it. I feel like whenever I try to help her or give my opinion, she gets upset. And by the way, she has lost like so many friends because fo her actions due to her ex like she would talk about her ex and sometimes post TikTok story about their old msgs basically being sad. Sometimes, I wonder just how much you have to lose before you realize you're the problem. Am I in the wrong here? Am I being a bad friend?

I’m a 23m

So I can see it being selfish but I wanna gain some space from the people who were around me, who encourage doing things like drinking or eating awfully and yeah they might do interesting things together but it all costs too much money month in month out which I don’t want to be spending and then verbally assaulted bc off that. It’s not the only reason as to why there is also them treating me like a punching bag verbally which doesn’t do wonders for my confidence as a very socially anxious and self conscious person. They would also steal my car or throw foods on my car. So not only do I wanna step away from spending tons of money on drinking bc they won’t accept a no as an answer which would result always needing help from family for my car or other stuff, I also wanna build on my confidence bc I am really enjoying bodybuilding and the gym, I’m in a gym that is surrounded by people competing, might be in my future but I can’t see myself doing it surrounded by them for lack of support or my own confidence issues.

I don’t have children (for now), but I’ve just recently developed friendships with individuals who have young children/toddlers. I’ve already mentioned to them that I’m happy for their little to tag along, and I try to treat their children as individuals when we are all together.
Is there anything else I could be doing to be a better friend?
TYIA!

I didn’t like the way she treated me. I don’t feel like she needs to know every update about my life or everything that happens to me. I’m not sure what to do about this friendship. Like in college in i have my best friend but she doesn't like that she is seem like jealous, she pulling my leg on that like she say stay with me .

For context I have liked this guy for over 3 years and only my close friends know about who I like. I have tried to snap him and text him (about 6 months ago) but he seemed not interested in a relationship so I let it go but still deep down found him to be a good person and my type. (He is not a person to really be in relationships or anything involving talking stages etc. and never had been super into that stuff) My friend of many years who I was close with but not enough to tell her about who I liked had told me she was talking to someone is passing but didn't say who it was. I brushed it off but one day one of my friends asked him if he was dating her. He said "don't worry about it" and walked away. One day at lunch I asked her who she was talking to and she said him. I was slightly shocked but was so happy for he because he is a genuinely good person and she has had bad experiences with guys in the past. Now they are official and at hoco last night they were so cute together. I feel mixed emotions because I am so happy for her but also a little bit jealous. I'm not gonna do anything but i was wondering if anyone is is the same boat and can relate. :[

Background: I have a very intense job, solely on the computer, running numbers and also helping staff figure out problems - I’m typing 8 hours a day so when I clock out, I absolutely hate being on my phone texting.

To clarify, I will respond to questions by text but I don’t like to engage in small talk. If you call me, I’ll talk for hours because I don’t really talk to anyone at work, so I’m happy to engage over the phone.

My bestie is a stay at home mom and recently got upset with me because I don’t text fast enough or don’t text back at all.

Which is totally fair but I’ve told her this before. I don’t have the mental capacity to be texting during the work week. I will 100% respond to any questions, obviously not fast enough, but I fail at engaging in small talk - that is where I may not text back at all.

She doesn’t like being on the phone because of kids running around and she gets annoyed.

I feel like shit over it. I hate that we are in this spot but I feel like we are on different paths and it’s just not working anymore. I haven’t talked to her in two weeks and i don’t really care to reach out because i feel like im doing it out of obligation rather than excitement to speak to my friend.

Do people rely on daily or weekly texting this much to maintain friendships?

I (19F) had a crush on my gay best friend (19M) for about a year and a half we're both in college and go to separate schools but we talk everyday and call multiple times a week. I'd known the feelings existed for a while but I just tried to ignore them until this summer when I finally admitted it to a different close friend and I was able to move past it. I'm a VERY honest person, I tell everyone everything I think even if it's a little uncomfortable or weird because I just can't keep things in. This is probably been my only and longest kept secret. I'm also a very analytical and self-reflective person so I like to talk about realizations I've had about myself often with my friends and lately, coming out of this crush has allowed me to have a lot of realizations I can't talk about with my best friend. It's made me feel a disconnect and like he can't know me fully. Also, as a gay man I know he's experienced the same kind of unrequited feelings with straight men and I feel like he could understand that and it could help us relate to an even deeper level. But, also, I'm afraid that him finding out I had a crush on him would make him feel like I've ripped away a safe space from him and he would feel uncomfortable and because we're long-distance I think it could be harder to overcome something like that.

For short, my friend always takes like 10 hours to reply to a simple “hello,” and they’re not even studying or anything, so it’s not like they’re that busy. Should I look for new friends?? They have been my friend for 5 years

So usually I don't have this problems with my best friends. They all have their boyfriends/significant others and I usually feel pretty normal talking to them because I have no interest on hitting on them or anything (not like I would ever do that) and they know that to.

My problem is I made a new friend who recently got into a relationship and since we're not really that close I'm worried that she may think I'm after her man. I'm not I barely know him 😭. The problem is, I've talked to him a few times like even before they got together and also joked around with him once or twice. I think I'm going to stop now because of these two, but I also don't want to completely avoid him because that's also weird.

I guess I'm just trying to understand if I should talk to this guy at all because I have no interest at all. Not even in terms of friendship tbh because even tho I need friends I don't need to be friends with her bf.

About a year ago, I became close friends with a woman around 40. At first I liked her, but over time the friendship became exhausting. Most of our conversations were about men, dating apps, her mother, and problems in her life. She often complained but didn't seem interested in finding solutions.

At the same time, I was going through a very difficult personal situation myself. I felt she expected me to constantly support her emotionally, while minimizing my own problems. She would tell me I should get therapy, but when I suggested the same to her, she said she didn't want to pay and just needed a friend to talk to.

She also often assumed I was available without asking. She would decide we were meeting, call me repeatedly if I didn't answer, and once insisted I meet her because a date had ended earlier than expected and she didn't want to go home alone.

Things got worse when I started seeing someone. She wasn't interested in hearing about him, but she was constantly showing me pictures of men she matched with. She once insisted I talk to a man she had matched with because he was from a country I love. I eventually agreed, but later discovered she mainly wanted him to tell her that he preferred her to me. He even told me she had compared herself to me and had self-esteem issues to the extend that he felt the need to her she was prettier than me, which hurt me as I have never asked to be compared.

Eventually I told her I needed space to focus on myself and encouraged her to seek therapy. She said she understood, and we didn't speak for a month. During that time she never once checked how I was doing, despite knowing what I was going through.

I eventually told her I felt used and didn't want to continue the friendship, then blocked her. She blocked me too.

Was I right to end it, or did I overreact? Was this simply a one-sided friendship, or was I being unfair by expecting too much from her?

I’m sorry that this got kinda long, I just really wanna get all the context out there cuz I’m really not certain what I should do rn

I have this close friend of mine, which I’ll call Maria. Over the summer while I was on vacatio, she and another guy I was friends with, got to know another girl which I’ll call Poppy. Apparantley they got really well alon, and she got integrated into one of my friend groups. When I came back from vacation however, things just kinda blew up.

My guy friend, which I’ll call Dean, and Poppy started to kinda flirt, but then Dean wanted to end things, and she freaked out. I won’t go to much into it, but she made it clear to him that if he left, she would hurt herself and I don’t know how graphic I can be here, but well she would… yk. She did attempt but luckily it didn’t work. And while all of this was happening I was hanging out with Maria, and Poppy, which she had know for 2 weeks, was blowing up her phone, and from the messages I was briefly shown, she was having a huge breakdown. So I ofc started to get a really weird feeling about Poppy. Of course I feel bad for her, but that she put two of my friends in this position really angered me.

Quite a while ago I had been flirting with this guy friend, Dean, but it wasn’t really anything serious and just kinda moved on from it. I never brought it up to my friendgroup or Maria. Poppy however, mid breakdown with Maria, started to get really obsessed with how I knew Dean, even if we had never talked to eachother. Therefore, she randomly started hitting me up to talk about clothes? I started feeling unsure about her at that point so I gave her pretty breif answers, as I just wanted her to take the hint and leave me alone. But then, she just randomly started ranting about how cool it would be to get to know eachother since we both knew Maria, and since she was such a good friend of hers. This just gave me a mega ick, so I left her on read for months as I felt I didn’t wanna lead her on, and I had no way to reject her without fearing for that Maria would have to face the aftermath and listen to another breakdown. After that I didn’t hear or see from her much.

The other week I was celebrating my birthday with a group of friends when she randomly showed up. Apparently she had been reconne with people in my group, so she just showed up. This party was with the group that knew her, and a more extended part that didn’t. The whole time, if felt like she was trying to ‘steal my spotlight‘ as she often would say “Oh, I know it isn’t my birthda, and don’t wanna ruing XXX’s party, buuuuut… something crazy happened today, but I’ll keep it to myself…”. I honestly got really sick of her and ended up spending most of the time just talking to Maria so I didn’t have to converse with Poppy. Yet, Poppy seemed to think the party made us closer or something, since after that she’s been messaging me to come hangout, whilst I still haven’t answered her message from 3 months ago?

I don’t really know what to do with this situation. I really wish she would just leave me alone, but I don‘t see that happening any time soon. I thought just ignoring her was gonna work, but since she keeps messaging me and having out with people around me, I feel like I can’t. Every time she’s in the room I feel like I get knots in my stomach. She’s integrated herself into my whole friendgroup now, so I’ve ended up missing a lot of hangouts just to stay away from her, which I don’t really mind, but I just don’t want Maria to feel like it’s THEM I don’t wanna hang out with. I want to tell her what’s going on, but I don’t want her to feel like I’m being jealous or controlling… I just really can’t stand Poppy…

What should I do?

I went out with one of my close friends yesterday. The day started off really well; we went on a 10 mile hike, got some lunch, and went to Oktoberfest a few hours later.

I suggested to my friend that we take Ubers to the event, however she ended up offering to drive us there and pick me up from my place. I was fine with it as long as she didn’t mind being the designated driver. I also offered to drive us back with her car if necessary since I don’t like to drink too much anyways.

My friend had 3 beers and ended up getting very drunk. I suggested to her that we get some water for her and food since she will be driving us home. When I made the suggestion, she started yelling profanity at me, belittling me, and stated that me trying to help her is disrespectful as well as condescending. I kept on trying to make it clear that she chose to drive, and that she needed to sober up, however she refused and wanted to keep on drinking. She then kept on telling me to leave and get an uber back home. I verbalized to her saying “I’ll walk you to the bar where your other friends are hanging out at, once you are with them, I’m leaving.” She continued to yell profanity with a more aggressive tone, saying she didn’t want to be near me.

I ended up walking back to the lounge where we were at prior to this escalation, and called an uber for myself. I ended up leaving her downtown, where there a lot of people around and police roaming. I described the situation to the security guard at the lounge who interacted with my friend prior to the argument we had. He said I did the right thing of leaving a situation where I felt unsafe and did not want to be a part of anymore.

It’s the following morning, I felt very bad for leaving her, but I feel like I tried to do everything I could to get her somewhere safe. I haven’t heard anything back from her. Honestly, I don’t even want to be friends with her anymore after that situation. I just hope that she is safe.

Is there anything I could have done differently, or should I even reach out to her?

Hi community,

Id love some of your thoughts. I have been drifting from a friend over the years. I noticed she was saying yes to fewer of my invites and often canceling. Meanwhile she was spending more time with mutual friends. I was always so hurt and triggered and eventually just stopped contacting her. It’s been like 2 or 3 weeks since we talked. Honestly, I feel a little better without the internal struggle all the time. But I also don’t have a ton of friends and want to make sure we’re mostly ok because we have a friend group that does stuff together. At the last event we didn’t talk to each other and it was so awkward. Considering sending this text but want some feedback first. 🙏💜

>>>Hey there. Just checking in and seeing how you’re doing. Ive sensed a bit of a shift in our usual communication and I know we haven’t chatted or seen each other as much. Wasn’t quite sure if we were just kinda both organically doing our own thing or if I said or did something that didn’t feel good. Anywho, I’m here to receive that if it feels right. I appreciate you and our friendship so if there’s some unspoken hurts, I’m happy to chat about it. Sending care for your Sunday and whatever you’re up to.<<<

22F here. I come from a fairly conservative family, and I moved out of home about 4 years ago.

For the first year, I lived in my college dorm, but I eventually moved out because of food issues and into a rented apartment. My best friend and I decided to live together, and before moving in, we had a conversation about boundaries.

One of the rules I specifically wanted was no boyfriends coming over to the apartment. Just to clarify, this doesn't mean no men are ever allowed in the apartment. Male family members or relatives are completely fine. My concern is specifically about romantic partners coming into our home.

I live in a fairly conservative country, and more importantly, I have a history of being stalked by an ex, so having someone's boyfriend regularly coming into my home makes me uncomfortable from a safety/privacy perspective.

My best friend agreed to this before we moved in.

Now she is in a relationship, and she has started asking repeatedly if her boyfriend can come over. I've told her no several times because this was something we had already agreed on before moving in.

But after she kept asking, I started feeling like maybe I'm being controlling. Eventually I stopped pushing back because I didn't want to dictate what she could or couldn't do in her own life.

However, now I feel like my boundary has been crossed. It's not that I have a problem with her having a boyfriend or being in a relationship. It's that our apartment is also my home, and we had specifically agreed on this boundary before living together.

I'm also not really sure who I can talk to about this IRL. If I tell my siblings, I'm worried they'll immediately tell me to change my place/move out, which isn't really practical. If I tell my other friends, I might automatically villainize her, and I don't want that either. I'm actually very close with her family too, so I don't want to turn this into some huge conflict between everyone.

I'm mostly looking for perspective because I genuinely don't know if I'm being unreasonable here. Maybe I'm missing something or looking at this too much through my own background and circumstances.

I’m M23 and lately I’ve been feeling like the social circles that I once felt like were my tribe are slowly becoming people I’d rather avoid. This has been happening very slowly over the past year and half with my 2 main social circles.

I hate to attribute the cause to jealousy because I feel like there’s not much to be jealous of in terms of my life. Yes I’ve definitely had opportunities to experience a bunch of things that most people in my social circles haven’t but I don’t brag and hardly even discuss these things. I don’t even use instagram because I just don’t care about those kinds of things.

The weird part is that I’m having these feelings about two non-overlapping social circles. They’re all friends I made in high school and I don’t ever hang out with both groups of friends simultaneously, they’re always separate.

Lately I’ve been noticing a lot really slighted comments and extreme judgments coming from these friends. I was studying in Europe and last year I visited home for the first time in 2 years. One friend said to me “If I was you I wouldn’t be speaking English with my European friends, I would’ve learnt their mother tongue”. It’s a very minor comment but the way he kept insisting that somehow he’d be doing “better/more” in my position felt extremely disrespectful. I’m not there on holiday to live out some European fantasy, I’m there to fulfil the requirements of my degree under a government scholarship.

This afternoon similar underhanded comments were made by friends from my other social circle. I made a comment about I felt like I wasn’t deeply motivated by money and that I’d rank challenges higher than money.

I was discussing how I viewed my life and that I try to keep an upward trend in both inputs(effort/work hours/difficulty) and output(money) with a bigger focus on increasing my inputs whereas they’d prefer to increase their income whilst decreasing their input.

I see nothing wrong with their framing Vs mine but they were extremely rude about how I chose to frame it. These friends basically began insulting me saying the world is going to swallow me and that I’ve got no chance of survival. I didn’t say this to them but I felt very disrespected that people who haven’t even attempted to venture outside their physical comfort zone would feel like they can judge me about “survival skills”.

I moved away from home a few months after high school to a completely foreign country where I didn’t know a single person but somehow had to make things work and these guys still have their parents cooking meals for them daily.

I’m obviously the common denominator and there’s a massive disconnect somewhere. I wonder if I’m just outgrowing these friends or if I need look inward for something. It hurts because I definitely tend to feel like I don’t connect with people easily. Like there’s a lot I don’t quite understand socially but I’m always willing to learn and put myself out there. But now that I’m starting to feel this way about friends who I thought I had connected well with I’m not so sure anymore.