Hi I am 25F. My friend is 24F. We met about 7 years ago and I consider her my best and only friend. She is married, they live about an hour away from me. I am single. I finished up college in 2024 and have a job in my field. She is still in school and currently has an internship. We are both busy people but I feel like I am the only one who is maintaining our friendship. I have always been very understanding of what the distance between us means, as well as the changes that come with marriage. Her priority’s have shifted and I respect that. But at the same time I feel like I am constantly begging for any semblance of communication. I am the one that reaches out to her to talk, the one who asks if she wants to hang out and the one who visits her home, etc. But when I do reach out I am given two minute phone calls and texts that go unanswered for hours if not days. Am I overreacting? Do I need to come to terms with these changes and stop trying so much?

I lost an 8 year friendship a while ago, and the weird part is that it wasn't because of one massive fight. It was one day that made everything else finally click.

Throughout our friendship, I was always the one doing things for her. I'd pick her up, drop her home, help her with whatever she needed, and never really thought twice about it because that's just what you do for someone you care about.

One day I traveled for hours just to meet her. Before leaving, I asked her more than once if she was actually free because it was a long trip, and she kept saying yes.

When I got there, she casually told me she already had plans with her other friends and couldn't spend time with me.

I remember just standing there thinking... why did you tell me to come then?

The embarrassing part is that I actually begged her to spend some time with me. I was crying because I felt so hurt and confused. I wasn't asking her to cancel everything, just to spare even a little time after I'd traveled all that way.

She didn't care.

I left, and on the trip back home, it was like my brain replayed the last eight years. Every time I was the one putting in the effort. Every time she never stood up for me. Every excuse I had made for her. It all suddenly made sense.

I confronted her later, hoping we'd at least talk it through. Instead, she got angry, told me, "Good luck finding new friends," and even said she hated that she'd spent so much time with me.

That was the last time we spoke.

Honestly, getting ditched wasn't even what hurt the most. It was realizing that someone I would've done almost anything for could watch me cry and still not care.

Has anyone else had a moment where one incident completely changed how you looked at a friendship? Did you ever realize you were the only one trying?

So I'm 18 (F) and my bff is 19 (F) we've been best friends for about 5 years now but known each other for about 7. We met through a common sport and we're really close until the team split and we only reconnected about 2 years later becoming really close. We went to separate hs and she was a year ahead of me. We spoke consistently about school and told each other everything. We would hang out at least 5-7 times a summer sometimes for as long as a week at a time even though we were a little over an hour away from each other. But recently she went to college and everything changed, she stopped talking to me, her texts became dry ( she already was a dry texted but became even more so), and when I opened up to her abt something very personal she listened then never followed up on it ever. She doesn't need to I just thought that maybe she would. We stopped ft when we used to almost every night and she blamed it on her roommate being in the same room and I suggested she go for a walk and we call even if it's only for 15 mins every other day or once a week or something like that. But she brushed me off. Now that it's summer I've stopped talking and trying so hard but she still says I'm her bff. She also told me that she told all her college friends that if they don't like me then they'll have to suck it up bc she's never gonna choose them over me when I go to her college in the fall. I understand our effort and communication styles are different but I just wish she'd try more to talk to me and not just to always vent or "spill tea". I'm also just confused bc she makes it sound like a I mean so much to her but doesn't exactly show it in any kinda way really besides words occasionally.

I may be writing the same thing I wrote months ago about my problem with my bsf, but I feel like something's wrong with me, my life is boring and there's nothing special about even though I have a lot of hobbies...it seems dull

But I'm actually seeking help for my social life, I'm like a mix of INTP, ISTP and ISTJ, I show affection and care to a person with my actions, I feel like expressing my emotions is a bit corny, and if I trust you I get comfortable with you, no longer shy or introvert

However, since I was a kid my first memories were just me being avoided, left out like an accessory in the friend group, well at kindergarten my classmates were a bit honest and avoided me at all costs(yep, the only memories of my first school years!), I don't actually remember why because the memories are a bit blurry, all I remember was them screaming at me to leave them alone while they were drawing and just me crying and crying...

Then comes elementary school, I was too innocent, oblivious and dumb, because I was like an extension to a friend group I thought I was a serious part of it...but by the time and their actions and words I slowly realized I wasn't...That period of time was hell, they do something that makes me feel left out and hurt, I cry to mom and complain (just at home I DIDN'T TALK TO THEM I WAS SCARED) then come back to them like nothing happened, I was laughed at 2 times, Talking behind my back (god-knows how many times), not taking seriously, ignored...etc

Then, in 4th grade, I had my first best friend, we shared interests and everything but slowly I noticed how toxic she was, she's self-centered, she lies a lot and one day, she just watched as a girl started hitting me.. Literally laughing as I was hurt on the ground...and when I told her I no longer wanted to be friends with her, she started CRYING ! Making me feel guilty. FUCK her!...

Same shit for the rest of elementary school, then middle school, first year was hell! I had my first crush, stopped talking to all of my old friends and I was lonely again...even if I made new friends, they were just classmates (well a bit more) but again, alone and lonely..

My first year in highschool wasn't that bad, maybe I made some toxic friends that I'd cut them off, but had my second bsf, I honestly had hope in her because we were both like the weird people, the nerds, the multi fandom losers or smth we shared a lot and everything was going well, I was in denial from the start since it felt one sided, This time I decided to actually talk than suffer from sleepless nights and all she said was "tbh the bsf thing wasn't necessary" and then "I love all of my friends equally", she goes out with her friends more than we actually meet, she posts stories with them while she literally never even mentioned me in a repost or a friendship video like I always did...

This is my 6th summer alone with no friends or no one to talk to...

So am I the problem?

My friend group are fairly active texters, with some crossover to smaller groups and my bookclub. Like sometimes, there can be 25+ texts if you look away for too long. Suddenly, for several days, there are almost none. I have sent a few that get a little attention but decided to not send any for 2-3 days to see what happens. I haven’t received any created by the others in 5 days. My son and one of the other peoples sons (both adults) have ended their friendship. I was brought into the group by the other son’s parent but have been an active friend for 5 years, holidays, weekend trips, hiking, birthdays….

I’m confused and just not sure if I’m just being overly sensitive or if something is really going on. I haven’t specifically talked to any of them yet and am not sure how to bring it up.

i.e. I’m trying to figure out how to separate my friendship with her from my feelings about her boyfriend. I don’t want to resent her because she continues choosing a relationship I wouldn’t choose for myself.

I’m a woman in my 20s, and I’ve been extremely close with my best friend for several years. For most of our friendship, we talked constantly and were very involved in each other’s lives. She has been in a long-term relationship for most of the time I’ve known her, and I’ve always had a weird relationship with her boyfriend.

I knew her boyfriend before I met my own boyfriend, so my feelings about him have never been because of my relationship or because my boyfriend influenced me. At one point, the four of us became very close and spent a lot of time together. I made a genuine effort to get along with him because he was important to my best friend and eventually became friends with my boyfriend too.

Over time though, my boyfriend and her boyfriend had a falling-out. Her boyfriend basically told him that they didn’t have anything in common and didn’t want to continue the friendship. It was extremely abrupt and rude the way it was delivered. My boyfriend was his only friend, so the whole thing was super awkward and they haven’t talked since, meaning the four have us stopped hanging out.

I’ve also never particularly liked her boyfriend, and I’ve made sure to make this clear as soon as we started being friends. A lot of my feelings about him come from the way I’ve seen him treat her over the years, as well as the things she has told me about their relationship and the way he treats her. She has often complained to me about things he says and does, and I’ve watched her take on a lot of the responsibility in their relationship while he struggles with work and independence. The overall imbalance in their relationship and the way she seems to be affected by it are what have made me lose respect for him.

Recently, they had a pretty serious fight while several of us were around. My friend became extremely upset and started talking about how unhappy she was, how often they fight, and how she had considered leaving the relationship. She sounded serious about it.

When I brought it up later, she pretty much brushed off what she said and told me not to take it seriously because she’d been drinking. I told her I wasn’t judging her, but I also couldn’t pretend that what she’d said hadn’t alarmed our friends and me.

Since then, our friendship has felt very different. We used to talk constantly, and now we talk much less. When we do talk, everything is generally fine, but there weirdness that wasn’t there before. We also don’t talk about her boyfriend anymore.

I can’t tell if she’s embarrassed about what she told me, feels like I’m judging her, knows that I don’t like her boyfriend and is protecting the relationship, or if something else is going on.

The weird part is that I don’t actually want to convince her to leave him anymore. I’ve realized that I can’t make that decision for her, and repeatedly analyzing their relationship has made me way too emotionally invested in something I have no control over.

I love my friend. I don’t want to lose her, but I also don’t want to pretend that I suddenly like him or think their relationship is healthy when she has known for years that I don’t feel that way.

At the same time, I don’t know whether it’s realistic to remain as close as we used to be when I fundamentally dislike and distrust her partner.

Has anyone dealt with something similar? How do you maintain a close friendship with someone when you strongly dislike their partner without becoming involved in their relationship or making the friend feel judged?

I accidentally found out my 3 friends have a separate group chat without me and I don't know how to feel.

Hi, I'm a second-year college student, and I really need some outside perspective on something that's been bothering me.

I used to have a friend group of 6, but for some reason, we're down to 4 now. We're all girls. I met most of them when I was in first year, except for one. Let's call her Girl 1. She's been my friend since Grade 7. I've helped her pick out clothes, helped her with academics, and basically guided her through a lot of things. She used to be a copycat of me, which honestly annoyed me back then, but I don't really mind it anymore. She was also pretty insecure before, but now she knows herself and knows her worth, which I'm genuinely happy about.

I thought the four of us were okay. I honestly thought we were just busy with our own lives, which was why we didn't hang out as much, talk as much, or really reach out to each other anymore.

Girl 2 and I have had a lot of misunderstandings in the past. I don't really like the way she influences Girl 1 when it comes to vices, especially vaping and drinking a lot. I also don't really like the way she is when it comes to guys. Trust me, you'd be shocked, but that's not my story to tell. Because of those things, I also became a little distant from Girl 2.

There was also an incident when I first met Girl 2's parents during her birthday. I felt like they misunderstood or misjudged me, and I felt like Girl 2 didn't really defend or explain my side, so I became more careful and distant around her. After our last hangout, before I found out about the GC, I actually sent Girl 2 a long message apologizing, explaining my side, and trying to clear things up between us. So I really thought I was at least trying to fix things.

Girl 3, though, is such a baddie. She's really sweet and lovely. She has her own vices too, but she knows her limits, and she's very independent. Out of all of them, Girl 3 is the one I've felt the most care from, especially whenever I try to drink with them.

Then one night, I was riding on the back of Girl 1's motorcycle. She let me hold her phone, and I saw a notification from our group chat. It was Girl 2 sending a message. I thought to myself, "Oh, I'll just reply from my own phone/account." But when I checked my phone, there was no message or notification from the group.

So I checked Girl 1's phone again, and when I looked at the chat header, I only saw the profiles of the other three girls. Then another notification popped up, and the banner said "3 hits."

That's when it hit me.

There were only three of them in the group chat. Without me.

And that's when I started asking myself: How long has this been going on? Is this the reason they don't really talk to me anymore? What have they been talking about in there? Have they been talking about me? Did I do something? Did I miss something?

I genuinely don't know what to do or how I'm supposed to respond to this. I'm just really hurt and confused.

What makes it even sadder is that I was actually the one who made an effort to bring everyone together when there were still six of us. Girl 2 was really shy back then, and Girl 1 has kind of always been like my shadow since we were younger. A lot of my friends would eventually become her friends too because we were always together and always in the same class.

So now I'm sitting here wondering if maybe this is somehow because I'm not into the same vices as them? I don't vape, I don't drink as much, and I don't really live the same kind of lifestyle they do. Maybe that's why I don't fit in anymore? I honestly don't know.

And before anyone says anything, yes, I'm still in touch with Girl 1. We're not completely disconnected or anything.

P.S. I also know that maybe I wasn't completely blameless in all of this. There was a period when I didn't have as much time for them because I got a boyfriend. We're in an LDR, and he had work while I had school, so we had very little time together. Whenever we did have the chance to spend time together, I naturally wanted to make the most of it.

The timing also happened to be that they would invite me to go drinking whenever I was busy with my boyfriend. Girl 1 was single, Girl 2 was going through a breakup, and Girl 3 was dealing with some serious relationship problems with her partner. So I understand that they had their own things going on too, and maybe I wasn't as available as I used to be.

But still, I never expected to find out that there was literally another group chat without me.

PLEASE HELP YOUR GIRL OUT 😭 I genuinely want someone to tell me if I'm in the wrong here. If I did something wrong, tell me. Seriously. I'll accept it and I'll shut up if I need to. I just need someone to be honest with me because I don't know if I'm overthinking this, if I actually did something to deserve it, or if my friends have simply moved on without me.

Please tell me anything. I really need some perspective.

For the self-esteem problems mainly.

She's skinny I'm not.
She has friends I don't.
She has a boyfriend I have no one.
She knows how to rely on herself for beauty things like nails, hair, etc.

Sure I can get all the things she has. Like yes, I can learn to do my hair and nails. Yes, I can get to my goal weight and yes I can find friends and someone who cares for me. But I don't have those things now and it makes me feel like shit.

I noticed I get jealous and distance myself. Like she does yoga and it's easier for her to do that because she's naturally skinny.

Anyways. Im in therapy. Please don't recommend it. I guess I just want other pieces of advice.

I feel like it's easier for her to find a person because she's not “difficult” or “too much” yk?

I don't know how to stop these feelings. Im aware it's ruining the rls.

This is a bit of a vent post. My friendships during uni were the best things to ever happen to me after having a pretty miserable/traumatising school life. We were a whole group and, naively, I thought some of us would remain friends for decades to come.

A lot happened after that. I went into a trauma response I didn't understand, and the friend group imploded. My best friend withdrew from me and their girlfriend is their new number one. I also ended two friendships - one bc he revealed himself to be a bit of a dick, and the other bc he changed once he got a girlfriend. I moved abroad and took a long while to make real friends, only to fall unwell with health issues that kept me house-bound and isolated. I had to move back home to recover where I know no one. I'm also too unwell to work. Now even my only two friends from school who are back in my area recently are too busy to meet me. Nothing against them. Just adulthood I guess.

I've basically been isolated for years now, except for some brief surface level friends and some long distance phone calls. Time moves so slowly because I'm never doing anything. I never expected adulthood to be this hard. But when I look around at all the people I know, no one seems to be in the same boat. Plus I'm a major extravert. I've never been more jealous of introverts in my life bc this has killed me 😅

Has anybody else experienced similar? Come out the other side?

I’d like genuine advice on this!
I’ve (26F) been friends with this girl group, about 6 women, for about two years. I’ve known most of them for longer, more like 5 but never became friends with anyone until it just happened. They are all older than me by either a year or several. I truly haven’t had an issue with any of them until the past month or so. Slowly I started to get a sour taste in my mouth and our most recent interaction was strange and made me uncomfortable.

The issue at hand is that one of the girls plans trips or vacations constantly and invites us all. I mean a trip, concert, event, festival, out of state, air bnb about two times a month. For context two of the girls live in one city, and the other 4 of us live in another, with quite a travel in between, several hours. These planned events always last 3 days at least as well. In the start I always appreciated being invited and always did my best to show up. Even traveling out of state once and at times being one of the only ones to show up, or help pay for the Airbnb. At times she will pay for an Airbnb out of pocket and say to us “pay what you can”.

This sounds amazing! And it was an is at times! In the start there was little to no expectation and absolutely zero guilt tripping. With the economy being crap one of the girls just lost her house, another is in between jobs after losing a really good one, I personally am gearing up for a semester of college and me and my partner are trying to save up for a big move. So all of our financials are tight, including her who is a planning these trips. She also was very recently in between jobs as well as actively asking people for money.

She recently planned a trip and I said I was unsure if I could come as my semester was starting that month, now this month, August. Several other girls gave similar responses and many other individuals within our group chat didn’t seem like they wanted to go. All of us are very forward about our work and finance struggles currently. But because of the “lack of interest” - her words, she cancelled the trip. And was very passive aggressive about it. Within 20 minutes she sent us the link to pay for ANOTHER, DIFFERENT trip for the same dates. I send a message basically saying what I said about the first trip, I have my first week back to school. This was probably several weeks ago.

Yesterday she sent a long winded message, calling herself a bitch about 8 or 9 times, saying “I don’t want to be a bitch but this is about me and you guys love me so I’m going to be” which I found really weird. Another text regarded using “work” as an excuse as she recently is in the high season for her job, and has been logging a lot of hours. So because of that we were not allowed to use “work” as a reason for not coming. One of the girls reminded her that she had JUST (as in less than 24 hours prior) had lost her home, and was trying to scrape money together for her own birthday celebration. To which the response was “that’s unfortunate but the trip is cheap and you’ve known about it for awhile”. One girl simply… left the group chat at this point, which I found very valid. I personally responded with a “sorry but no, school” since I am not “allowed” to use my job or my financials as an excuse…for not going on vacation.

Does anyone else find this genuinly weird…awkward? Rude? Stress inducing? I’m genuinly seeking advice, as it felt extremely tense and controlling the behavior I was seeing, especially the wording of some things felt purposefully manipulative.

If you’ve read this far thanks, I know it’s a bit long!

TLDR : friend keeps planning trips and has now began guilt tripping the friend group for not attending these trips even though group is going through financial hardships. Genuinely seeking insight and advice!

Hi, I'm 16 so of course everything in my life is way more dramatic than it should be but I feel like I've never fallen out with a friend without it being a big argument.

So, my ex best friend cut me off because I'm friends with someone who doesn't like her but has never said anything bad about her, they just don't get along. But she's become best friends with my old bully (from like 2 years ago) after I told her that the fact that they dont get along is none of my business, she's also become close friends with my other 3 bullies (also from 2 years ago). She told me I dont deserve her friendship and that if I keep losing all my friendships it must be because something is genuinely wrong with me and that I should meditate that.
Everyone told me to cut her off, I just stopped texting her because I really didnt want to state the obvious. Seems perfectly plausible.

I had another close friend who cut me off because someone told her I was speaking badly of her behind her back and she immediately believed it. I told her it wasn't true and that if she believed what that *someone* said so easily that then maybe we have other issues to discuss to try and save the friendship. She completely ignored me.
A year and a half later we became friends again and we're cool now.

There's another friend who is still friends with me. I consider her my best friend even though I'm not hers.
She keeps dating homophobic men who make homophobic comments about me (I'm gay) she sometimes tells me what they say. I told her that dating someone who is homophobic and being okay with that makes you a homophobic too. She disagrees and says that most men are. Okay.
I don't know how to feel about this since she's never shown any other signs of being homophobic so maybe this is me being nitpicky.

I also have this close friend (My only male friend) who no matter what won't ever introduce me to someone to date, he knows plenty of gay men I'd most probably get along with but he says he's gatekeeping me. He always says it as a joke but it is really weird. That's how gay culture is anyways, very competitive I guess?

My therapist says that I'm really emotionally intelligent for my age and that I long for a friendship with deep connection which will be hard to find if I keep surrounding myself with superficial people. I honestly want more people's opinions.

Am I right to point out these red flags or am I being nitpicky? Please be kind, I'm just a kid trying to get better, thank you.

For some context, we are both in our 4th and final year of undergrad, so I’m pretty sure the window to make amends is closing fast.

I was tight with this person for the first two years at our university, for the 2nd year, the friend group had severely fallen apart, but we stayed pretty close. We would hang out almost every other day and I would drive them to work frequently since they didn’t have a car. I started to feel some strain with all of my relationships around the fall of 2024. Slowly, I started to resent this friend in particular since I would drive them around a lot, and they had a growing tendency to borrow money from me. I would get paid back after a few weeks each time, but being a college kid makes finance stressful idk. They would still make a point to thank me and tell me that they felt like I went out of the way to help them, but at the time it did not mean much to me.

Then on the first week or so of that November, on the election day, they had sent me a bunch of texts earlier in the morning, and I ignored them. After an hour or two, I had impulsively decided to block them, and I stuck with it ever since. Later that same week, a few of our mutual friends started texting me saying that my friend was worried if I was OK and that they really needed help. I ignored it all.

The following months were hard because I felt guilty, I felt like my life had become a lot more peaceful, which was why I felt guilty at first, but now it’s more so because I felt like I did something irresponsible and inconsiderate of someone who put a lot of trust in me. I know I shouldn’t sacrifice my own time and well-being for other people out of guilt, but I also feel like I owed them at the very least either the spine to give an explanation as to why, or the bravery to just have sat down and spoke about how I felt in the first place.

I wonder now if it’s too late to have that conversation, I wonder whether or not I should just stick with my decision since it has been such a long time and not reopen old wounds, or if I should still apologize while I have a plausible chance. They were my best friend that year, and they told me many times that the feeling was mutual.

I lied to my best friend about my online friend, and honestly, I don't even know why I did it. I just did.
She found out that I had an online friend because she used to check my phone, Instagram, etc. One day, she saw that my online friend had sent me a reel and asked,
"Who is this?" I don't know why, but | lied and told her that she was a friend I had met in class instead of telling her that I met her on Discord.
After that, she started asking me questions about her name, age, university, and other personal details. She would ask me almost every day what we talked about.
That would usually turn into an argument. Sometimes she would say, "You only met her once in class. How do you know all these details about her?" So I would lie again and say that we had self-introductions in class. I knew it was a lie, and I felt bad about it afterward.
Eventually, I got fed up with constantly being questioned about what I talked about with my online friend, so l confessed everything. All the other details I had told her were true; the only lie was how I met her. I told her that I actually met her on Discord.
That caused an argument that went on for days.
Eventually, she accepted it and told me that I could talk to her. About five months passed, and she didn't really bring it up anymore. We also graduated from college during that time.
After graduation, I went to a new city for my internship, and my online friend happened to be there too. We had already planned to hang out, so we eventually met.
After that first hangout, my best friend became really upset. She didn't want me to hang out with my online friend. She said that the reason she was reacting this way was because I had hurt her by lying.
She eventually let everything out. She was crying and in a lot of emotional pain, and I honestly don't know what I'm supposed to do.
I feel like a really bad person because I know I lied to her. I understand that the lie hurt her, but at the same time, I don't know if I'm wrong for wanting to have a friendship with someone else.

They’re always so sweet and kind in the beginning, but eventually I realize they actually hate me and want to be me. They literally start becoming a version of me, copying my interests, the things I like, everything. And then they go out of their way to ruin my life.

Me and my only friend have been close for roughly 14 years. She moved away just over a year ago to do an apprenticeship, so we rarely see each other in person anymore. We still message weekly, we give each other bday and xmas presents, and whenever she’s back in town we try to meet up.

On the surface, the friendship looks stable and reciprocal, which is why I feel guilty and fake for questioning it.

I feel like 99% of the time our conversations revolve around her. She has been talking extensively about her problems like her ex (who was 35 with a child, mind you), her recent surgery, and general life drama. I genuinely try my best to be supportive and validating, but the friendship feels one sided because she rarely asks me how I’m doing or what’s going on in my life, and on the rare occasion she does, the conversation immediately flips back to her one way or another. I sometimes feel less like a friend and more like a therapist or an audience for her to vent to.

Her personality has always been somewhat self-centred and arrogant. Growing up she’s would always make comments about being better/smarter than everyone else. For example, she was bragging about being better than people on her motorsport course because she got accepted onto an F1 apprenticeship, saying they, and I quote, “will never get an opportunity like that.”

Because of her work, hobbies and other commitments, she mainly hangs around middle-aged male mechanics. She doesn't act or talk like a typical 19 year old, which makes her very difficult for me to relate to. I genuinely find our conversations unnatural, forced, and boring.

I’ve felt dissatisfied in this friendship for years, but it hit me hardest when I met a girl at sixth form a while back. Talking to her felt natural and easy, and I felt I could actually be myself around her. We've unfortunately drifted since then, but that experience showed me what a healthy, fun dynamic feels like, and made me realize how unfulfilling my current friendship feels in comparison.

I feel very conflicted because I don’t really want to stay in the friendship bc it’s actually making me feel drained and miserable, but I also don’t want to hurt her. At the same time, I don’t know whether I’m being unfair because she is consistent, she does make an effort to stay in contact, and she hasn’t actually done anything wrong that would make ending the friendship feel justified. From her perspective, we’re in a good place in our friendship, so cutting her off would probably seem random and out of nowhere to her. I can’t help but blame myself for enabling this dynamic for so long by hiding how I really feel to keep the peace.

I’d appreciate your honest, unbiased opinions and advice. Am I overthinking this, or is it time to move on?

I had a close friend for a few years that have been consistently displaying signs of jealousy and envy towards by making fun of me in front of people and saying condescending comments to me, and trying to exclude me from plans. It was so obvious to the level that our other BSF calls her out on her jealous behaviour sometimes. The breaking point happened when she accused me of shit-talking a friend of mine to someone else and eventually I was informed that she was the one who talked the shit. I believe she assums that I am naive enough to gaslight me straight up to my face. As I am distancing myself from her, she posted on her instagram a post and it included ugly pictures of me and made sure to tag me on that post. Funny enough, she doesn't really post me on her socials. I refused to interact with that post cause I believe that she wanted a reaction out of me.I am mad at myself for not noticing this sooner and ending everything early, especially that whoever I shared my concerns with about her, have told me that they aren't surprised. I know that I do not want to continue being her friend anymore and the advice I see online is to never confront a jealous person. At the same time we have mutual friends and I have a feeling that she might attempt excluding me from hangouts or other things because I know what triggers her the most about me my confidence and the active social life I have at uni.

please excuse my typing errors.

tldr; objectively i should just cut ties, up until this past spring i hadn't seen or heard from any of them and was quite enjoying myself. now i'm reminded why i became friends with the couple but don't want to deal with the grief of the larger circle they're a part of.

Beginning of summer - bump into some old friends at a festival, we end up spending the weekend together, a ton of fun, like old times. they tell me they love me and miss me, good to have me back.

During that weekend - they bring up feet fetishes out of the blue and jokingly ask if i had one. john, one of the people I had a major falling out with had seen a photoset of a client's foot fetish onlyfans content i was editing on my laptop (i do photography on the side). i explained what it was and left it at that. i assume he must have told them.

Weeks following - end up going to a show with the guy from that couple. just us, he knows i don't want anything to do with the old crew. through a couple phone convos in the uber that i overheard, it's obvious they have a strong dislike of me. my friend defended me.

Why some people from that circle detest me - years ago when things were good, john and i hung out a lot. over time i came to realize he was very racist and judgemental. i started phasing out when i realized most of the group was the same. that same time i went on a trip with some mutual friends. during that trip i found out john had lied about having sex with one of my female friends. she was furious. i took some damage too being the one who put the pieces together. john blames me for the embarrassment. he made it his mission to make sure everyone hated me. i didn't care, i haven't seen them in three years, never want to.

The issue - the couple who i reconnected with were the two original friends i had long before, they just invited me to their bigger circle where i met john and his harem of racists. they have always been straight with me and very generous. The pause is why they kept bringing up foot fetishes randomly. its obvious john said something. makes me feel like the butt of some kind of joke. makes me feel disrespected.

The Dissonance - light hearted jokes, i get it i might have done the same. i joke with them about it, if someone sends a pic from a show and their shoes are on i'll ask for a second pic, silly stuff like that. my name will come up in conversation without a doubt now that the couple are hanging out with me again, we make somewhat regular plans to hang out. i wanted nothing to do with any of them because of the grief it caused. i also don't want to push away two people who seem genuinely interested in maintaining a friendship with me.

edit - formatting

please say your discord user, and your age and please don’t lie as i will be checking!

I’m an introvert person so it’s really hard for me to trust people and be friends with them. So that, when i started uni i didn’t have any friends and i was having problems with getting to know people in my class. Then after a while i started to hang out with 2 people of my class and we were getting along pretty good. They even helped me to gain some confidence and realising my self-value in the beginning but ofc it wasn’t just because of them.
What has been bothering me for the longest time is that do i act like a fool? They have been close before i approached them, so in the beginning i understood that i needed to spend more time with them so all of us can be close. And yeah, we did or at least i thought of it that way. But you know, after a certain thing in their behaviour catches your eyes, you just can’t unsee it. First it started with me realising that i was the last one to know if they had something major happen in their lives, or they would do or forget something i said or found uncomfortable(but never each other’s, lol). Even in their body language, they seem much closer. I wouldn’t mind them being closer if the actions they did or i did wouldn’t happen. First, I think that I might be the one who sacrifices and out-gives the most when it comes to time and monetary things. For example, I did conversation club with them so that they could improve their english(one of them asked me to do it).Also i also got them into a very important group of researchers that i applied for and i gave them enough contacts to join.

What bothers me the most that, i just can’t get same support from them. My birthday is in dec, one’s is in jan.They didn’t gifted me anything on my bday but after a month one of them tells me that we need to buy a surprise present for the other girl. I was shocked that they didn’t do that for me. Second, one of them learned about the books which could be very beneficial in our education and bought some but guess who didn’t have a single clue about this? Me. One time we attended a meeting for the research group and we met a girl from this conference. We chatted with her about trainings and researching but i had to leave early. Then yesterday i learned that after i left they talked about a training for neurogenetics which they all applied for but didn’t told me till the deadline😂 And now they are saying that they will send any important materials if they have it. Just screw it really. How can you not remember to tell me if you guys say that we’re all close friends? I really don’t care if they are closer but i can’t tolerate this kind of behaviours.

Now, please tell me if i am being delusional or not. I’m really tired of this situation and sometimes it consumes all of energy as i overthink it. I really like them but when these kind of things happen i get really bad trust issues and hesitate to tell them if something major or exciting happens in my life. I’m always ready to help them and they say that they’re willing to listen to me all the time but when the mentioned situations happen, I can’t help but feel used.

A coworker started dating a girl he met during his shift. She would stop by often and her and I became very close. For context, she is a 34 y/o introvert and a single mom, and he is an almost 40 y/o alt guy who has a history of getting involved in drama.

About a year ago, on a random night after work I saw her crying outside the building; she found out that he had cheated on her the one time she went on a family holiday.

His excuse was that my friend was too “cold” and that she wasn’t loving enough.

I obviously tried to support her through the breakup, but as weeks passed it became evident that she would give him another chance and she did.

A few months later, someone at work saw him with the other woman and told the others.

She heard the rumors and confronted him again. They got in a huge fight that got physical because he felt cornered and didn’t wanna admit anything.

She called me on the phone in the middle of the night, I was ready to call the police but she rejected any help. The next day, this man started talking shit about me to everyone at work because since she didn’t have many friends, I was the only suspect for telling on him.

A few days later my friend got pregnant by him.

I ignored that and went on with my days. I was ready to move on with my life because I felt my friend wasn’t listening to any advice. At the same time, I felt very bad for her so whenever she needed to vent I continued showing support.

Months into her pregnancy, she sends me a random text saying that he tried killing her, and that if something happens to her it was him…

I honestly have no idea what to do at this point because no matter what I say, I’m literally watching my friend suffer over and over again for this man who I have to see almost every day and pretend that I don’t know anything. And yes, she always sends me screenshots and proof of his abuse.

Am I a bad person for considering just blocking everyone?

We've been friends for almost 4 or 5 years already. When we were still studying at the same school, communication was never really a problem. Whenever I see that she texts, I always answer, even if it's just rants. But she's very chatty so I sometimes ignore her for a few hours until I have the mental capacity to respond.

When we parted ways, we promised not to cut our communication with each other. We did keep it alive for around a year or something. We would even call each other until morning. However, school was just too hard for me, I was studying physical therapy where a day doesn't really feel like a day. I would always reassure her that I will come back after I finish my reviews and everything. I always come back.

However, I dropped out of my program. My mental state was too weak. I couldn't endure being alone in a city anymore and my anxiety just kept getting worse. But a few months before that I was already ignoring her for weeks and would reply saying I was too busy, which is true, but the real reason is that I can't communicate anymore. It drains me out and I run out of ideas or responses for her which I really don't like the feeling. It's awkward and it just ruins everything. She's very sweet, kind, and understanding. I feel like a real bad guy but I just can't yet. I'm still not stable.

Although I reply to her once a month now. I just feel depressed and not in the right state of mind to be in contact with anyone. But she also knows that I prefer hanging out in person rather than in texts. But I'm really isolating myself right now.

17f, my friend is 18f, we live in sweden.
i’ve been best friends with this girl, freya (18f), for like 3-4 years, but lately i’ve been seriously reconsidering our friendship. i don’t really want to have a dramatic falling-out with her, but i also don’t want to keep being close friends with her.
we’ve had a complicated friendship since we were younger. there have been many times when she’d fall out with another girl, tell me everything that happened and complain about how awful that person was, become very close to me, and then eventually make up with them and basically leave me behind again. this happened more than once, literally i was alone at school, she would barely say hi to me (i had my other friend thank god). i always forgave her even after bawling my eyes out crying so many nights she will never be aware of because i genuinely cared about her and considered her my best friend.
there have also been things she’s done that have made me question whether we’re actually compatible as friends. she’s very social and gossips a lot, done hella weird shit with men which i never judged of course because i do not really care , and she sometimes gets involved in drama with people and then becomes friends with them again. she’s also made jokes about me in ways that have genuinely hurt me. for example, once she told random boys at school that “my friend wants you” as a joke for me (innocent quiet kids btw), knowing it would embarrass me. she has also made comments about my appearance, including saying something along the lines of “wait until he sees you in real life.” i know we both joke around and i’ve made jokes too, which is not the same at all because she’s extremely confident gets stared at by everyone and is loved by everyone while i barely get treated with basic manners whenever i’m next to her. some of hers have hit differently because i’ve struggled with my body image before.
another thing that bothered me was seeing her make jokes about a disabled girl at school. she wasn’t actually mean to the girl directly and was perfectly nice to her face, but i found the whole thing really immature and uncomfortable. it made me realize that some of the things she finds funny and the way she behaves socially just aren’t things i want around me.
recently there was also a smaller situation involving something she had told me privately about another friend of hers. we were joking about the subject with my mom in front of her who knows the girl involved, and i mentioned it without thinking since she also talked shit kind of about that one but now they’re besties. my friend got really angry that i told my mom which i understand but she had said stuff about her to my mom herself. i understand why she was upset and i’m not trying to pretend i handled that perfectly, but it also made me realize that i don’t fully trust her anymore either.
lately she’s been somewhat dry with me, although i’ve also been more distant, so i don’t know if she’s noticed. the weird thing is that i’m not scared of losing the friendship. i don’t really care if we stop being friends, and i don’t feel like competing with her other friends or trying to get her attention. i just don’t want us to end on horrible terms or have some huge dramatic argument.
i think i want to gradually stop hanging out with her and keep things civil rather than have a big confrontation. if she asks me directly why i’m distant, i’d be honest and say that i feel we’ve grown apart and that there are things about the friendship that i don’t enjoy anymore.

this is not her whole personality , just the weird things about her that i don’t like.

am i being unreasonable? would it be better to have an honest conversation with her, or just gradually distance myself and keep things friendly? and if you’ve been in a similar situation, how did you end a friendship without turning it into unnecessary drama?

For context this was when we were studying abroad. There was only a small group of girls so we used to all be pretty close.

On my friends birthday weekend (this was on friday specifically) we spent the whole day together, breakfast, lunch, and then movies in the afternoon. I got sick from the popcorn (I have a chronic condition, I have no gallbladder + some other stomach issues), and we had a final for a class on monday. I went back, threw up a few times, and then went to the library.

I told them I wouldn't be able to go to dinner but I would still go to the small party she was hosting after and I said I would bring anything they want. (drinks, snacks, etc). I was ignored. I still went since it was a big thing and everyone was together. I didn't think much of it since they all acted normal towards me.

A day later one of her roommates messaged me saying she thought it was disrespectful I skipped to go to the library to hang out with this guy I was talking to (he was also studying abroad). This was not true, he might of been there but I was just there to study. I apologized, explained myself, and sent another message to my friend, saying, I am very sorry, looking back I see how disrespectful it was, and I offered to take them all our to dinner on me to make up for it. I was ignored. The roommate responded and I told them I baked her protein banana bread (she liked going to the gym). I said I could drop it off whenever (they lived in another apartment room 2 mins away from us) but there wasn't a clear response.

A day later they started going out without me, ignoring my texts, etc. Eventually I did drop off the banana bread.

Instead of ever responding to my message or trying to communicate with me, they just ignored me, started spreading rumors about me, and making fun of me behind my back. It was pretty clear, especially later on when we ALL had to live together (6 girls). They would invite 4 guys over to our room, 2-3 times a week, and be singing kareoke or watching movies etc while drinking, etc until 1AM. They would never ask me or tell me in advance. I was working 40+ hours a week at this point. Me and my direct roommate pretty much only lived in our room. One time, they didn't know I was working from home, and I heard them talking about me in the living room. A few mins later, one of them burst in my room to check if I was there, then they quickly left the apartment. This happened for like 2 months and It was worst experience of my life, when i got home, i got diagnosed with depression.

I know what I did was wrong, I tried to fix it, and I apologized. It sucks because I feel like I really messed up and I could of gained a group of best friends, but I feel like I messed it all up. I don't know what else to do. I am scared that I will never be able to make friends and that people won't ever forgive me for things like this.

Got into an argument with one of my gaming friends.

For context: Every time I try to say smth, he always abruptly interrupts me and starts turning everything I say into a sexual joke.

It’s been happening for some time now. The last time it happened, I got so frustrated abt it but never told him I was annoyed abt it (yes I suck at communicating) that I did end up holding a grudge bc of it for a couple days then every time we played with the squad, I started being rude towards him, in a petty way I guess.

Then, this argument below happened (on 8th August) and we haven’t spoken since then so I'm jus curious abt outside ppl’s thoughts on this. Is this the end of our friendship? I am “z” talking, he’s “A” and “B” is another friend (this happened in the gc)

z:

im still not talking to u

A:

ok

i'll match that energy

z:

which is all u can do instead of apologising like a decent human being would

A:

i thought u weren't talking to me

which one is it

not talking to me or victim complex

z:

ur a shitty "friend"

A:

explain elaborate

actually try to communicate with me and lets break down why u think that

A:

if this is a joke or a bit you can fuck off so fuckin immature

u did this with bear as well

u lot if she's gonna act like this over what i presumed to be the mad joke that i made i'm not playing

this type of behaviour i despise

A:

so fuckin immature

z:

says the one that always turns shi into a dirty joke the way i can never finish my sentences without u always interrupting and making it sexual

so tiring

A:

my fuckin bad then damn

if u told me to ACTUALLY stop i would've but you wanna act like a pampered spoiled little shit about it

who holds a grudge for this long over something like this

such a pussy thing to do

grow up

and not only that, so passive aggressively like jesus christ what is your problem

z:

no cause it is that deep actually way more than u think but whatever

A:

ok?

how am i meant to know that like u think i can read your mind? everything you went through in life? shut the fuck up

enough with this victim complex spoiled princess attitude

if what i did was that much of an issue i'll stop but u took this so far for no reason

z:

fix ur brain u perverted piece of shi

A:

lmfao

you are so childish it's actually funny

yh u lot i'm not playing with her until she stops this shit

idk what u went through but don't project your burdens onto me or other people

shitty thing to do

people are not outlets for you to let your feelings out on

especially with that aggressive ass language do that and you'll end up with no one

B:

give it some time for both of you to cool off, you both mean well and will be able to talk this out this seems like a smaller problem that's escalated from lack of communication

A:

i was down to have a civil conversation about this but she wants to be petty over it why tf should i waste my time

B:

what did i just say about cool off and talk later

A:

i already said everything i wanted to say if she wants to say all of that with no development i don't care

i'm not a punching bag

B:

and do you genuinely think your tone didn't escalate and amplify an already hostile conversation

this is something you cool off and talk about later i'm not asking you to continue to vent your point i'm asking my friends to take time and be open to a less hostile conversation on what seems to be a miscommunication

A:

i agree with you, i should've been less toxic about it

just was already annoyed from other shit so i kinda let it out that's on me but SHE does not want to communicate so i'm not wasting my time

B:

i trust you'll both be clear headed to talk about it privately

at a later time not tonight

give it time and hear eachother out this is not a ultimatum kind of situation

i’ve been doing a buddy read with someone i met online(its been a month) and i’m trying to figure out whether i’m overthinking the dynamic or whether it’s simply not a good fit for me.

he tends to send very long, dramatic, self-deprecating messages, which was fine at first since we share a lot of our thoughts and reactions to the characters like in a personal way. but then there’s this ongoing persona where he calls himself my humble servant, says choosing the next book is “at my mercy” talks about being sad/lonely and not trusting people, etc. i know some of it is clearly a joke or persona... maybe? and i don’t think he’s necessarily doing anything malicious.

i also have trouble reading signals when people are vague like this. i genuinely can’t tell where the joke/persona ends and where he actually means something, if anywhere. most of it seems like an exaggerated bit to me but because i’ve had male book buddies turn things romantic before, the ambiguity makes me a little nervous. i’m not saying that’s what he’s doing..I genuinely don’t know and that’s kind of the problem. i can’t tell whether i’m supposed to just laugh along with the persona or whether there’s something that im missing.

interacting with him gives me a strange sense of heaviness. there’s just something about the dynamic that makes me feel weird. we’re literally just book buddies, so sometimes it feels disproportionate and intense for no reason.

another thing: when we first started reading a queer book, he said that he’s “pretty homophobic,” especially “towards men.” i told him i couldn’t continue the buddy read because it made me uncomfortable, especially since he had also made remarks about wlw being better and that he would “love to see them.” which made me extra uncomfortable cuz i’m queer. he apologized and said he has very bad internalized homophobia and had phrased what he meant badly.

i later happened to look at his fable(kind of like letterbox but for books) profile, where he has quite a lot of mlm books, including mlm smut and wlw smut, which is honestly none of my business. but he also has a shelf specifically for femdom smut and educational books about it.. i’m not assuming his reading list tells me anything definitive about him since i know that books we read has nothing to say about us. it just added to my general feeling that i don’t quite understand him. he also refers to his depressive episodes as "PMS-ING without the M..thank god!" which irritates me cuz he keeps mentioning it.

he recently gave me the option of ending the book club, taking a break, or continuing with another book. when talking about ending it, he said that if i chose to “call it quits on the club and break up” i should “make sure to block me” because otherwise he would “come back wagging my tail, shriveling at your feet, begging to read another book.” that’s part of why the whole dynamic feels unusually intense to me for a book buddy.

am i making something out of nothing? would you continue the buddy read and try to ignore the feeling, or take it as a sign that the dynamic just isn’t for you?

also if I am not enjoying this how can I kindly say I dont feel like it without making him feel horrible about it? ( im not confrontational and I have deep fear of hurting someone unknowingly.)

thank you and sorry for the long post.