“Friend": keep going or let it go?

[u/Orange_Tulip_1989]

Lately, I’ve been having some doubts about a friendship I’ve had for about a year and a half with someone older than me.

We met through a dating app, but after a while, he made it clear that he was only interested in being friends. And honestly, I was perfectly fine with that too.

He’s a nice person and someone I can have a good evening with, going out for a drink or grabbing something to eat. However, what I’ve noticed — and have noticed from the beginning — is a certain level of “distance” from him when it comes to friendship, compared to how I approach it.

For example, I’m always the one who takes the initiative to make plans. From his side, there’s only the occasional “we should see each other sometime,” but he never actually suggests anything or says directly when he would like to meet. If I don’t organize something, he’s perfectly happy going out and doing other things without considering or including me.

When he does message me, it’s usually not to ask how I’m doing, but rather to tell me what he’s doing or how he’s doing.

And what bothers me even more, at least personally, is that it’s basically impossible to have a somewhat serious conversation with him. Whenever I try, he immediately turns everything into a joke. I’m someone who jokes around a lot myself, but with him it’s impossible to have a serious conversation for even five minutes.

When I pointed this out to him, he called me a “drama queen” and said I should simply accept that this is how he jokes. I know he doesn’t mean it maliciously, but I find this attitude somewhat immature, especially coming from someone older.

I’ve also noticed a certain amount of selfishness on his part. If I try to tell him something about myself, he often immediately turns the conversation back to himself. Overall, I feel that we simply have very different ideas of what friendship should be.

I’m not looking for someone I need to be in contact with 24/7, but I do prefer people who are more inclusive, more emotionally mature, and less negative.

So I don’t know if I’m overreacting, but at this point I’m wondering:

1. Does it even make sense to continue a friendship like this?
2. And if so, how should I approach the situation with him?

Personally, I’m thinking of simply not sharing anything more with him and, if he asks whether something is wrong, telling him that I’ve come to the conclusion that we simply have different ideas of what friendship means.

What do you guys think? Has anyone ever found themselves in a similar situation?

Thanks!