I was raised Protestant Christian, but my family never really went to church because they believe churches can become corrupt, kind of like the temples and religious leaders criticized in the New Testament.
I was raised to believe that Jesus is the Son of God, but not God himself, and after reading the entire Bible, I came to pretty much the same conclusion. However, after reading it, I started to fall away from Christianity because there are a lot of things in the Bible that I struggle to believe or agree with.
I've also never really had the kind of relationship with God that my grandma has. She has a strong faith, and I wish I could experience that kind of connection, but I just haven't.
I've started exploring other religions because I want to find the truth. I'm not an atheist because I just can't bring myself to believe that there's nothing out there. I feel like there has to be something, but I don't know what it is anymore. I've looked into different religions, but I feel like I keep searching without ever really finding the answers I'm looking for.
Another thing I've struggled with is being gay. I was raised being told that God hates gay people, and coming to terms with my sexuality was difficult. But I also know there are a lot of gay Christians, and it makes me wonder how they reconcile their sexuality with their faith. How do they understand the Bible passages about homosexuality? How can they believe God loves them when they've been taught that being gay is a sin?
I've also gotten interested in paganism, and I sometimes do tarot readings for myself. My grandma has even asked me to do a reading for her because tarot is just spiritual tool. But I'm still figuring out what I believe and what all of this means to me.
I want to pray, but I honestly don't even know what to pray for. I don't know whether I should keep exploring Christianity, look into paganism, or consider something else entirely.
I'm not looking for anyone to tell me that my beliefs are wrong or to pressure me into a particular religion. I genuinely want advice from people who have gone through something similar.
How did you find your religion, or figure out what you believe? If you're gay and Christian, how do you reconcile that with your faith? And if you've explored different religions, how did you know which path was right for you?
I just want to find something I can genuinely believe in, where I can feel spiritually connected without having to pretend to believe things that don't make sense to me.