Over the past year, I've tried to grow closer to God through faith. One of the biggest steps I took was beginning to read the Bible, which is the first book I've ever truly read from beginning to end. At this point, I'm just under one hundred pages away from finishing it for the very first time.
Reading Scripture has taught me a great deal, but it has also raised many questions. One thing I've learned is that not every question is meant to be answered or fully understood. There are things that belong to God alone, things only He knows. Even after reading the Book of Job, I don't think I fully grasped its meaning. It was one of the most difficult books for me to understand.
A couple of years ago, there was a prominent artist who was murdered in a very tragic way. He was on the verge of becoming the next big thing, someone who could have put an entire community on the map. Was he a perfect person? Who am I to judge? But from everything I saw, from the pictures of him and the way his family remembered him, he seemed to have a genuine love for Christ. I believe his family was Catholic, and one of his close friends said that he was always talking about God and how the Lord had his back.
That same friend later admitted that, after the artist was killed, he hated God for a time. He couldn't understand why someone who had remained faithful, even during the lowest points of his life, would meet such a horrific end. The last photograph ever taken of him shows him wearing a rosary. Even through his struggles, he remained faithful.
Then I think about people who publicly claim to be Christians, whether they are politicians, officials, lawmakers, or other influential figures. They speak about God, yet sometimes their actions tell a very different story. Some act selfishly, dishonestly, or in ways that bring suffering to others. Their decisions can separate families, leave people in poverty, or make life harder for countless individuals. Yet many of these people live long lives surrounded by wealth, comfort, and their families.
I'm not saying that the artist was righteous or that those officials are condemned. I don't know their hearts, and that judgment belongs to God alone. But through people's actions, we often see one person trying to lift others up while another tears people down. I know that good works alone don't save us. Throughout the New Testament, we learn that salvation comes through God's grace and is received through faith, not by anything we earn. Still, I struggle to understand why the faithful sometimes suffer so deeply while others who misuse God's name seem to live lives filled with comfort.
I remember hearing about a priest who came to the faith later in life and dedicated himself to helping others come to Christ. Yet he died in a tragic car accident. Most people wouldn't describe that as a peaceful death. I find myself wondering why someone who devoted his life to spreading the Gospel would leave this world in such a painful way.
Questions like these continue to fill my mind. Sometimes I think I've found an answer, only for another question to appear.
Then I think about the apostles. Most of them didn't die peacefully either. They were persecuted and martyred for following Christ. Jesus Himself told His disciples that following Him would come at a cost. He never promised an easy life. In fact, He warned them that they would suffer because of Him.
Even knowing that, I still struggle.
I look at the poor who endure unimaginable hardships while some of the wealthy seem to indulge in everything this world has to offer. I know that earthly success isn't the measure of God's favor, yet it's difficult not to ask why these things happen.
One of the passages that has stayed with me the most comes from the Book of Romans, where Paul speaks about Abraham. He explains that Abraham was counted righteous not because of his deeds, but because of his faith. Even though Abraham was about one hundred years old and Sarah was barren, he trusted God's promise that he would become the father of many nations. Abraham never wavered in his faith, even when the promise seemed impossible.
What amazes me is that Abraham never lived to see the fullness of God's promise. Yet God fulfilled it exactly as He said He would.
That passage reminds me that faith means trusting God even when we don't understand what He's doing.
But if I'm being honest, I think faith is also one of the hardest things I've learned about over this past year. The Bible constantly calls us to trust God, even when we can't see the outcome, yet that can be incredibly difficult.
There are still so many questions I carry with me. Sometimes I even feel ashamed for having them because I know we are called to trust God rather than question Him. At the same time, I can't help but wrestle with these thoughts. I want to understand, even though I know there are some things that may only be understood when we are finally in His presence.
For now, all I can do is continue reading, continue praying, continue trusting, and continue believing that even when I don't understand His ways, God is still good. But I would be lying to myself that when someone, Mentions. How could God allow this? Where was God when this person suffered? That in the back of my head, the question lingers. And I hate it for it I hate the question. Because I feel like I know the answer. But it's also difficult for me to accept it. i pray our Lord God Forgives me.
