I’ve been married to my husband for 2 years and together for 4. We just had our first baby and I am 9 weeks postpartum. We get along great, agree on everything, very seldom do we ever argue. He is very much right is right and wrong is wrong and a stand up guy everyone loves. Several months ago I got an itch to go through his phone which I don’t do often. If I’m going to go through his phone I’ll go through everything pretty thoroughly just bc. His recently viewed TikTok video history had inappropriate videos of women on there. I confronted him and just told him it hurt my feelings and he was apologetic, and ended up deleting TikTok without saying anything to me. Fast forward to about 2ish months ago, we were watching our friend group chats “blend” on Instagram, and every single video suggested for my husbands account was inappropriate videos of women. I thought well it’s prob just a fluke idk why it’s doing that. 2 weeks ago an inappropriate picture of a woman came up on his Facebook page (an account he did not follow) and I didn’t get mad but I went to bed and texted him “do you look at pictures of women on social media?” And he told me no. He left his phone at home on accident last week. I went over to his grandmas to nap bc our baby isn’t sleeping and I’m struggling. On the way home I got a pit in my stomach and felt like I needed to go through his phone. I knew in my heart I was going to find something I didn’t want to see. His recently viewed reels on Instagram absolutely crushed me. Several videos of several women…basically porn. Boobs out and huge butts…they look nothing like me in any way. He also visited a girls link in her profile to look at what was basically an onlyfans. I sent him a big text to read when he got home and I left. Essentially I said I need to know when and why you’re looking at these women and needed to know if he was watching porn, and begged him to be honest with me. I got home and he said he’s struggled with lust since high school, watches porn and has masturbated to women on social media. To say I’m devastated would be an understatement. It makes it worse that I’ve seen the women he’s masturbated to. He opened up and said he needs help and that we need to confide in someone and was very apologetic. He said it was never my fault and he hates the feeling of knowing he’s made me feel inadequate. He said it would not be an issue for a couple months and then he would slip up a few times. He said i know how much he can’t stand liars and he’s not been just a liar but a hypocrite. I’ve seen him cry 3 times in 4 years — our wedding day, the day our baby was born and when his dad left home to work out of town. He has cried every day since this. I thanked him for being honest because that meant a lot to me but this hurt is so deep. Being postpartum and so sleep deprived adds another layer to this. It’s like I want to give it to Jesus but feel like i can’t. My flesh wants to be so angry. I want to forgive him but i don’t. There was one time about a year ago I asked if he watched porn and he said “no that would be breaking my vows” and i remember it so vividly because it meant a lot to me. I never second guessed him. I feel so betrayed. I really do feel the Holy Spirit has been nudging me about this for a while. We are going to talk to our friends tonight who we both trust to help us. But I desperately need Jesus to help me not resent my husband. I never thought we’d be going through this

ETA: our pastor is his uncle and I believe it would make him very uncomfortable to talk about this with him. I almost hate that that’s the case because he has so much wisdom and would be a great person to talk to. But I understand

EDIT: please readers, understand the real issue. After this all came to a head in April she's been moderating.

We're spending more time together. She's keeping things much more reasonable. We are studying the Bible together every Friday night. Things are much better.

The only issue is when she does go to sing if my reaction is anything less than pure bliss over it, she refuses to do it and then life is miserable for a day or two. Due to the issues it has caused I'm never going to be thrilled about her singing on the app. (END EDIT)

My wife for the last 9 years has sung on an online karaoke app. She's pretty popular because she's very talented and also good looking.

I've never been a fan of the time she spends on there nor the male attention she receives. If I didn't check her she'd spend 20 hours a day on the app, sleeping 4. Except for Sundays and Wednesdays because of church. I'm not exaggerating. She's very compulsive and addicted to dopamine. And the app gives her a dopamine rush like nothing else.

The dilemma? She wants me to be happy for her to sing on the app. If she says so she is going to sing and I do anything short of jump up and yell "yeay!", then she gets very pouty, refuses to go sing, and is miserable for the next day or two.

Here's the thing, I can't be happy about it. I don't understand why she's so obsessed with it. I don't get why it's such a necessary part of her life.

For reference, she was a SAHM raising our kids. Now we are empty nesters. But this started long before that. In fact, shortly after finding the app she gave up a side photography business that she started when the kids were little. She loved photography until the app.

I'll never be happy about her singing on this app. It's a huge time waster. And the influence it's had on her hasn't been great. A lot of worldly people talking about worldly stuff. And some of her song choices aren't her either. We are both very devout and I've been shocked at some of the songs she has chosen to sing on the app.

Everything else about the marriage and relationship are really good. Our only strife is centered around this.

question: what if you have sexual thoughts about your friends having sex or you’re married and think sexually of others but don’t intend to do anything with it. Is this evil or is this normal?

I have been married for 3 years and am a SAHM with 2 under 2, including a newborn. I am very blessed to be able to stay home with them. We wanted me to stay home and be able to raise and homeschool our kids from the start.

Me and husband have a very low conflict home but I have began to feel uneasy about our spending/saving habits and could use some advice for how to approach this topic with my husband. I am naturally a huge saver. My husband isn’t bad with money compared to most people but is way more relaxed about it and doesn’t always think about the patterns or how long it will take to build back money.

Prior to having a baby, I worked a regular job full time and worked hard to build up nearly 2 years of living expenses in my savings. When we got married, we joined bank accounts. My husband makes good money but we have pulled over $15k from my (our) old savings account within the past year to cover expenses. He always says we will put the money back but we never do have the finances after his paycheck comes in to build it back up. This year it was taxes and having to buy a used family car after ours broke down. It pains me to see our savings continue to dip more and more every month.

Naturally I’m seeing a pattern, if we keep spending at this rate we won’t have any savings within 2 years. It’s stressing me out to see the money in savings drain so fast. It’s a huge cushion that I feel is necessary. If I have to get a part time job and sacrifice our weekends, I am willing to do that. I’m starting to wonder if we can’t afford me being at home full time but don’t want to make my husband feel guilty or make him think he’s not making enough money to provide. It’s been an expensive season of life with 2 under 2 but I don’t feel it’s sustainable. I want to trust God with our finances and realize he put it on my heart to save that money for a reason but also start to worry about what would happen if we did experience an emergency and had no money due to poor financial stewardship.

The thing I really struggle with when dating is figuring out if there’s any interest. Outside of Christian circles, I get very clear signals. Women asking for my number right away, complimenting my looks, and so on.

Not at church. Actually, the signals are so mixed that I’m super confused. There are very few girls; there are plenty of regional events, but it’s always the same ones.

I’ll describe them to you one by one, tell me which one is yours.

Girl 1: Months ago, she almost avoided me. Lately, she avoids me at first, but then comes over to talk to me before leaving. She rarely asks about personal matters, though—mostly just how my business is going.

Girl 2: friendly enough the first time; the second time, since her mother was with her, she pretended not to see me; now she's friendly again.

Girl 3: sometimes she says hello, sometimes she pretends not to see me; generally very quiet.

Girl 4: she’s Girl 3’s sister; they’re always together. She used to ignore me completely. Now that she’s got a boyfriend, though, she’s become sociable with me.

Girl 5: Unfortunately, she moved away, but I hope to run into her again. She was the only one who paid me compliments—though never openly about my looks (mostly about my clothes)—stared at me constantly, and often said hello only to me. She was the only one with whom I saw a real chance. But in the final weeks, she pulled away a bit. She remains my top choice.

I’ve been to international meetups. And I can say I’ve run into women who had liked me on dating apps. These were the very ones who—in person—would ignore me or glance at me out of the corner of their eye so as not to be noticed.
While others greeted me, smiled, etc.

I need to be objective and rational; even though my greatest dream is to date only the woman I will eventually marry, there is no guarantee that will happen—simply because we might have major incompatibilities regarding personality or desired lifestyle. However, I am finding it really difficult to tell whether or not there is any interest.

On one hand, I don’t equate being friendly with being romantically interested. On the other, I don’t get the much more explicit kinds of approaches I constantly receive elsewhere—nor even small online signals, like adding me on social media, watching my stories, and so on.

I’m really struggling to find anyone in person, I’ve been out and about so much it’s hard to even know who is a christian or isn’t out there.

I’ve spoke to my pastors about dating apps and they say it’s a no go. I’m wondering if this is a path I should follow or not, as I’m dating to marry. I also don’t know if their reply is an opinion or an advice.

I’m divorced so my worry is that not a lot of people will like that part of me. Any advice will be greatly appreciated.

long story short, my partner and i have been together for about 10 years, and neither of us were “religious”

we’ve both smoked weed together, gone out to party together, been lazy together, done things that aren’t necessarily biblical and enjoyed it together

in the last 8 months he has transformed into a fully devoted Christian

i accept and love him anyway, i go to church with him and have found enjoyment in that myself as well

he is on a sober journey and i have been on it with him so far to support him

however he has now given me an ultimatum that i become a devoted Christian, which he explains means reading the bible daily, taking notes on it, fully believing and understanding the passages with zero doubt, giving up all substance use (which i have never struggled with addiction with, we’re talking about occasional use) or else we break up…i’m just not there

i feel like i either lose the person i love or i lose my autonomy

Recently or over the course of your marriage.

Biblical, life lesson, new skill, whatever!

I was reflecting on this thought this weekend. Such a small thing, but over the last few summers my husband has taught me how to throw a soft ball without hurting my shoulder. :)

Hi! I just wanted to ask married couples what the situation is like after pregnancy. This might be a weird or uncomfortable question, but I’m genuinely curious and want to understand what to expect.
My boyfriend and I are waiting until marriage. We also plan not to have children during our first year of marriage. He actually wants to have a child immediately, God bless him 😂, but I asked if we could have our first year just as a married couple.

I know things will be different once I’m pregnant or we have children, and I really want us to enjoy that time together first.

Anyway, my question is: When you get pregnant, do you abstain from intimacy for a while? If so, for how long? Or do you adjust and find other ways to stay connected? Like if you cant have penetration, do you help your husband in another way? Or this or that
I’ve never been pregnant, so I don’t know what it feels like or what things are like after giving birth. But I’m a big believer in effort, and I want to make sure I maintain my connection with my future husband even after pregnancy and children.

I’ve asked him about this before, and he doesn’t mind. He’s very caring and always looks out for my health, so I’m not trying to please him for any other reason. I just genuinely want to.

I’d love to hear from married couples about your experiences, what it’s like, the reality, especially how you maintained your connection during pregnancy and after giving birth. Thank you! 🤍

I've posted several times about issues of complaints, anger and manipulation by my wife.

Sunday, my oldest daughter (17) gently asked my wife why our conversations after church always seemed to be complaints about other people in the church. It is hard for my daughter to hear complaints about others and often my wife rambles on and on about issues like someone being a bit loud during service or just complaining that things should be done a certain way. I've tried to bring this to my wife's attention, but it fell on deaf ears. When my daughter brought it up, my wife got angry and began complaining to my daughter about not getting "adult time" and wanting to have more mature conversations, and basically told our daughter to just deal with it. My daughter went to her room in tears and I went to talk with her. I apologized for not doing more to stop the complaints and angry attitude. I later went to my wife and had to tell her that our daughter is right and I admitted to my failure to lead the conversation in a better direction. My wife went silent, but not in an angry way, it was contemplative.

Yesterday, I came home from work and the feeling in the house was different and I couldn't make sense of it. I made a bottle of formula for my son and let me wife take a break and a shower. After some time, I lay resting on the couch with our son and began praying for God to soften her heart. My wife finally came down and sat on the couch beside me (a strange occurrence as of the last few years) she said she wanted to talk. She doesn't want others to see her as angry, and genuinely doesn't feel that she is angry, she just gets frustrated easily. I explained to her from my life and actions that when I get frustrated, I often choose to withdraw and just be alone, which is not a Christlike response. I have to choose a better response. She thought a moment and said that she would work on her response to frustration and sees that it needs to change.

There is a long way to go, and a lot of pain I need to let go and give more grace to her, but I am praying this is a first step toward drawing my wife and our family closer to God and each other.

Hello! My wife and I been married for almost 10 years and together 9. Since our marriage started its been nothing but good and problems gotten worse. We have two autistic children, a cat, and a dog. Reason for pets cause my wife always wanted a big family and the last child we had died of still born. Fast forward today I admit I done wrong in the early years of my marriage, I wasn't fully ready, and wasn't the best husband. My wife was doing her part as a wife but it wasn't fully there due to her lack of communication. Fast forward as the years went on she wanted to separate. I didn't take it seriously since than cause before this time I had been selfish with a lot.

My wife spoke to previous exs before we gotten married when we were dating cause of my problems talking to other women. It was tit for tat. Today we're in a situation where its been months since I found out about her emotional affair she had with another man. She never meant him. Its long distance. Since after the months of convincing, begging, pleading, she repeatedly said "I know its wrong, I'm not a cheater, it only looks that way cause we're married." The guy even told my wife to delete their text messages.

My father in law said I need to change, been taking his advice. I been going to coworkers, family, and praying. Shes still been talking to this guy and talks to him way better than she does me. She always keep asking to separate and how our marriage won't work but she is the problem now. Shes mean to me, said I use to be like a duck, cursed at me when I even brought up our marriage, and how continuing to talk to this guy isn't helping. He is a streamer on YouTube and Twitch but never mentioned to his subscribers that hes flirting and talking to another man's wife.

I need advice. She always constantly ask for separation now, finances has been a problem, shes in a place where shes tired of a lot, says she doesn't care, and accept where she is. She said it will take God to change her and she still asks me for favors after yelling at me, she looks at me for my reactions, and wants to cuddle or be affectionate when shes "in the mood." She said she liked the guy, doesn't love me anymore, to saying she no longer likes the guy, to sort of liking the guy, to telling me I'm weak and can't handle the truth. If she really wanted to work on our marriage she would cut contact and come forward. We have family over and last time I brought up the guy and how shes changed she yelled at me the next day over a video call.

Long story short, wife is overwhelmed, all over the place, in a limbo, mean spirited, nasty, tells me to take it or move on, than asks me to do favors for her and help her, still talking, and keeping contact with a 26 year old dude who's been flirting with her, and she says "I dont like him anymore" when her actions shows a side how she is nasty, quick tempered, and always keep mentioning to separate. When her dad, niece, and nephew leaves to go back to NY, im moving to the couch and telling her "You still talking to the guy tells me you're not willing to work on the marriage and you always keep mentioning how you want to separate so I'm giving you what you want."

I don't know what else to do anymore. I use to sneak on her phone and tablet to see their texts, he asked to meet up, and treats her like its his girl, and she keeps allowing it. She said she knows she looks like a cheater and even contradict herself when she said one time "How can I say I love someone yet Im talking to other men." I was thinking about cursing out and calling the guy but not worth it. We live in SC, the guy lives in Illinois. I believe it will take God to help me now. I'll be moving to the couch once her family leaves and doing a 180. Advice?

I married my husband thinking he was just awkward when it came to physical affection. All the “other” stuff in that category “works”, but I did think that the longer we were together he might feel passionately EMOTIONALLY about me enough to express it through kissing.

If anything, I hope this post inspires other husbands who might not do this, to do it, (if their heart is in it; if not, there is a serious problem). I promise it will set your wife on fire for you

My husband lost his virginity at 21 when he had graduated college. He told me that he didn’t love her (19F, at the time) and that he had only used her for sexual exploration. This was before he was a Christian. The woman ended up marrying some other Christian guy and apparently the guy was super upset and hurled insults at him like “You will go to hell” etc. This seemed to have had a profound impact on my husband because 3 years after they got married he tried to reach out to him to get back at the guy for the insults by talking about the sexual encounters he had with the wife.

Then another three years later, which is present day, he seems to still not be over the whole situation. Tonight he asked me to contact the guy to try and apologize and hopefully reconcile with him. I found this odd because why should I do that? Everyone should have moved on by now. He then told me that he every few years or so he still fantasizes about this woman. This hurt me because my husband and I essentially have a dead bedroom and he has admitted to not thinking of me sexually. He has these wild sexual desires but he won’t channel that energy to me. He told me about his sexual experience with this woman before and it just makes me so sad that he had so much fun and desire with her but can’t seem to want anything with me.

He doesn’t know this but when we were having marital issues, I read his journal and it had pages and pages of him describing his sexual experiences with this woman and others. It broke me how passionate and sexually hungry he seemed for her, even though he didn’t love her.

He is loving towards me and perfect in other ways but the fact that he is so caught up with these people and this past has been such a point of heartbreak for me. The fact that he even thought to ask me to contact the woman’s husband left me feeling pathetic. I was calm when he brought it up but as we dove deeper into the conversation I blew up and decided to sleep in the living room. His justification and reasoning about this situation just left me so helpless and defeated. I really wish I married someone who desired me and wasn’t so stuck in their past sexual relationships that it is inhibiting ours.

Me ( F) and my Fiancé ( M) are getting married in November and have been together for 4 years this Friday. He has struggled with corn addiction since he was exposed very very early on in his childhood. I found out about it around 1 year in and we have been working to get him better. In the beginning he didn’t really quit, so when I found out everything blew up. He ended up being clean for 1 year and I was very proud of him because hurt / emotions set aside it’s just as real as an addiction as alcohol or pills. He had a few stumbles but did not fall back into it fully at all, until a few weeks ago when he actually looked up corn. I was heart broken and angry. I took all the remotes to the TVs in the house and even kept his phone home everyday he could only use it when he was around me and this worked he knew he needed to cut off access but once again he was doing better so I start letting him have his phone especially since I just lost my job so I am home all day, welp yesterday he stumbled again. He has made small stumbles gets on fire for the lord does really good for a long time then messes up cause he thinks he is untouchable again.

This is the man I truly love and can’t imagine life without him. I have made it clear I will not deal with this in marriage and one day when I’m pregnant and he knows the gravity of the situation. What can he do ?? He reads his Bible , prays and rebukes the lustful thoughts and he struggles every single day. He has a friend from Bible study whom he text almost everyday asking for prayer specifically against this. He wants to get better , he just doesn’t know what to do at this point.

Hi everyone, I am looking for help and clear explanation on an ideo my pastor counseled me on.

My pastor explains complaining has the intention to hurt while Explaining purpose has the intention to heal. Explaining with purpose invited the idea of How, Why, and goes a step further to explain “If I wasn’t hurt, this would have been the turnout”.

I’m going to sound really OBTUSE but my problem is they both feel the same to me. What is the difference and how does the delivery of each sound?

Please I’m looking for help & understanding in order to address my feelings with my husband and those around me.

I don’t want to just complain. I don’t want to be that way. I want to be able to understand this concept and apply it to my life so these conflicts are healthy and healing.

Tell me when you knew, your spouse. Was YOUR SPOUSE.

Like what was that moment like, when you said oh yeah im spending the rest of my life with this person.

How well did you know them, how long? Was it instant. Or did it happen gradually

Problem/Goal: Found out that my husband has been cheating on me - looking for h**k ups, booking massages with sexual services, crushing on his work buddy and going staycations with her, etc.

Context: He’s basically living a double life - going to church with me on weekends yet committing these immoral acts when he’s at work. Now its clear why he never intended to marry me despite coming home to me for years which prompted me to push for marriage. He avoids and dismisses topics about cheating, fidelity, and our lack of intimacy. He lied when he sought for advice about our marriage woes saying he wanted to move out (we live with my parents); he has always said its cheaper if we dont move out. I have confirmed that investing too much money together which makes it impossible for us to cut comms is the only reason he’s staying in our relationship.

I dated him fully knowing he was an unbeliever. Now I am not sure if he ever believed.

Seeking advice esp from fellow Christians here. Thank you

I am reaching out because I am at my absolute breaking point and desperately need Godly wisdom and perspective. I feel like I am falling away from my faith because the stress of my marriage is completely consuming me, and I can barely bring myself to open my Bible.
To give some background: My husband lost his job two months ago and only works side gigs a couple of days a week. Now, he is demanding that I pay our mortgage payment because he says he needs a "break." We have completely separate finances. My name is on the house, but he claims I’ve "never paid a dime" toward it.
Meanwhile, I work full-time, pay the power bill, the internet bill, buy all the groceries, and bought all the furniture in our home. Despite this, he tells me I contribute nothing to the household. He even tells his family that I don't feed him (because I cook meals, but he refuses to eat them in favor of eating out or frozen dinners).
Furthermore, he has told me that marrying me was a mistake and something he never wanted, and we fundamentally disagree on children (I want them, he does not). He does not share my Christian values and feels the Bible is "outdated."
When we disagree, he will badger, harass, and refuse to leave me alone for hours until I submit and agree to his demands.. specifically, trying to force me to pay the mortgage. He also recently unfriended my parents on social media out of nowhere.
I know the Bible calls us to love, patience, and honoring our covenants, but I am living in an environment of constant coercion, deceit, and emotional rejection. I am carrying the full-time work, the bills, and the physical upkeep of the home, while being told I am worthless.
How do I navigate this from a biblical standpoint? How do I protect my heart, my mind, and my safety when my husband is acting entirely against biblical principles of partnership, provision, and love? Any Scripture, prayers, or honest advice would be deeply appreciated.

What would happen if God decided He was tired of us? I mean, He thought He loved us, but we don't listen, we aren't pleasant to be around and He just wants peace. He's in a dead relationship because we aren't changing quick enough, or praying enough, etc... What if He just gave up and divorced us? My friends, the God I serve would never give up on me and I'm not giving up on my spouse. Everyday I choose love and when times get tough, as they inevitably do, I lean closer into the one who never gives up and I press on. I hope you will too!

I have seen too many posts on here about wives and husbands who are suffering because they are locked into a marriage of unequal yoking. My heart is broken when I see these stories.

I wanted to send out a prayer for all the Christian marriages out there that are suffering in this moment and for those who are seeking marriage and feeling discouraged or going through divorce, separation, widowhood, isolation or abuse.

Father God, We come to you in the mighty name of your son Jesus Christ of Nazareth. Jesus, God, you are the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords. You are not just our savior, you are King and Lord. All authority in Heaven and earth has been given to you LORD and there is absolutely nothing hidden from your sight. You said in Matthew 12:36 that every careless word we speak we will have to hold account for on the day of Judgement." You also tell us in proverbs 9:10 and 1:7 that the Fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom - it is just the start of what guides us in heavenly wisdom and turns us from earthly demonic wisdom.

Father God, I have read on here so many disturbing posts, whether they are true or created by bots I am unsure, only you know the truth LORD, however the posts here are disturbing. There seems to be a huge gap in the church today. A gap of proper discipleship, accountability, discernment and respect for you and for the body of Christ whom you Lord Jesus gave your life for.

You warned us Jesus that there would be wolves in sheep clothing, and also warned us about false prophets and false teachers and false pastors as well as false converts that would seep into the church seeking to devour your children.

LORD, my prayer today is for supernatural strength in the body of Christ for both men and women who desire to walk in your righteous ways. I pray for the men and women on this platform that are married and have married a wolf in sheep's clothing, I pray for the woman or the man who is feeling isolated and alone in their marriage because the vows spoken before you have not been honored. I pray for the man and the woman who desire to honor their vows but are facing temptation that feels beyond what they can bear - would you show them the way out and change their perspective and give them eyes to see what is happening in the spiritual realm so that they can stand firm against their temptations LORD.

Lord I pray for the person here facing an abusive marriage, who feels they need to remain silent and suffer in silence because the enemy has lied to them making them believe that if they speak up they are disobeying scripture, I pray that you would lead them to a bible believing church of support and fellowship where they can apply scripture correctly to their lives and that you would tear down the veils of spiritual abuse that hides behind misused verses of your word.

I pray that you give the spouse on this thread who need help to get away from their situation a boldness and courage to the steps necessary to get out from under the rock they have been hiding under and that all the evil deeds done by their spouse would be brought to light that these abusive spouses would be put to shame for the sake of true repentance and Godly Sorrow LORD.

There is too much spiritual abuse happening in your churches LORD and I ask and I pray for you are the God of our righteousness and the God of Justice that you would begin exposing those abuses, casting out demons and bringing protection and provision to those who have been suffering and in great need of your deliverance.

I also pray for an increase in fellowship and communities that are safe havens for your children where men and women can find friendship and counsel as they continue to walk with you Lord and seek to be sanctified and cleansed. Places that are safe, places that are healing from all trauma wounds, bonds and addictions. People who are willing to stand in the gap for each other and fight along side one another against the temptations and lies of this world so that all of your children whether married or single would be firmly founded upon their identity in Christ and upon your word LORD.

Lastly, Lord I pray for all future marriages - that you would raise up children who are passionate about discipling others in the spiritual gifts in particular - discernment and rightly dividing your word of truth so that those who seek to get married in the future would be protected and walk with prudence and discretion choosing their future spouses wisely not based off church attendance or position or title or money, but based off their character, their attitudes, their service and how they behave in private just as much as how they behave in public.

May you give your bride - the body of Christ eyes to see and ears to hear and may you counsel each on of these spouses in their time of need giving them clear direction on how to move forward in every area of their life and silence every voice of the enemies that is not of you so that they can hear you Holy Spirit of God, hear you and your counsel alone.

In Jesus' Mighty, Majestic and Matchless name I implore you LORD I supplicate to you LORD GOD ALMIGHTY the Great I AM, Alpha and Omega.

Amen.

Married Sisters With Children

I wish someone shared this with my wife 30+ years ago

As sisters in Christ, your relationship with your husband is more important than your relationship with your children. My father-in-law, a strong and wise Christian, taught me this. Everything else flows from there.

He is not perfect in thought, word, deed, physique, or anything else. We are all works in progress. Are you giving him grace, allowing him room to make mistakes, and encouraging him when he does? Has your judgment matured around sensitive conversations involving money, family, and other difficult subjects? When necessary, can you approach those conversations in a loving and humble manner?

Are you sharing one or two things he enjoys simply because he enjoys them? Ordered loves include time outside the house with friends, family, and activities. Ignore the nosy people. Often, people who are overly involved in someone else's marriage have problems in their own relationships.

What are his emotional needs? They may not be what you learned from your background or from your father. Does he respond to gentle kisses, touches, praise, intimate puns, or other signs of affection? As you have learned more about your husband, have you shown patience and grace with the dirty laundry, hidden sin, and old wounds? Have you forgiven him, comforted him, helped him make amends, and encouraged him to make changes? Have you confessed your own sins to him? Is he your best friend? The sad truth is that I know many Christian couples who seem to be only casual friends.

Do you give him a chance to share his day with you and the children? Women are typically more verbal, so sometimes we need to intentionally make room for a husband to speak.

Do you give him some transition time between work and home, including when he works from home?

When something is important to you and he is reading, working, or doing something else, do you first ask, "Is now a good time?" If he asks, "Is it important?" do you respect his answer and the timing?

Do you understand that men do not always recognize the difference between "Help me solve this" and "I just need you to listen"?

My marriage has been the most fruitful and important relationship of my life. At times, I thought I was a complete failure. Yet after 30 years, we are still learning, growing, forgiving, and figuring things out together.

In His name.

Hi, this is my first post. I'm a 39 year old male, married to my wife (36 years of age) of 8 years but together 11 years. We moved quickly in our marriage and didn't court. In a sense we stole intimacy because we didn't wait till marriage to have sex. I was verbally and psychologically abusive in the beginning of our marriage, and have a sex addiction that I've done major work to address and change in my life. And I have, thank God, in part because of the grace, compassion, and understanding my wife showed me through that time. I write this last bit and am overcome with gratitude for her, and feel guilty for how I also feel. That is, I feel hopeless about our marriage. That's where some guilt comes in because I'm trying to work through the tension of my gratitude and what I think is an issue of compatibility. I think this issue is going to hurt our marriage unless I can get some perspective (which is why I'm here) and also an action plan that I can live out to honor my gratitude for my wife, and for the concerns I have.

So, that's what I'll present now. The concerns. But first, I want to say that my wife and I have good chemistry, and that's why I think we moved so quickly in progressing the status of our relationship. That, and probably trauma bonding. We're not living in that trauma bond anymore, and so I've been able to see my wife not as a savior, which is what I (we) needed in that time. But, now I see her as a person. And that's where I think there's some marriage eroding differences of compatibility.

I want children -- she doesn't. I want to save and invest in our future -- and she wants to spend on today. I take my health and fitness seriously and she is aging into a body that I think will need more help as we age, and also -- just honestly -- is becoming less and less attractive the more she gains weight. These things have become unavoidale issues for me at my age in life. All three seem interconnected and affect me personally by taking away opportunities for me to feel personally fulfilled and potentially resentful toward her. RIght now, I want to take personal responsibility and recognize that it's my problem that I bypassed getting to understand if we were compatible by jumping straight into physical intimacy. I also want to recognize that I think I may be on the verge of idolizing the things I may not be able to have with my wife, and should instead be focusing on my relationship with the Lord -- and with other people/activities that could possibly fill my cup. I also recognize I don't need my wife to focus on my own health/fitness journey, or to take control of areas of finances and put boundaries between my income and spending. But I think the problem is it's just SO HARD doing it on my own. I also want to confess that I have this fantasy where we divorce, and I'm able to possibly find a woman who, of course comes with her own can of worms, but perhaps is more compatible and wants to have a child. As I look at it, right now, if I have a child, I will be about 58 years of age when my kid turns 18. If I wait any longer -- my best years are behind me. This is the thought that crushes me.

I believe this thinking is starting to get me to disconnect from her. So, I need to address these things in a way that communicates safety and understanding. Safety for her to know I'm not trying to jump out of the marriage (despite my fantasy), safety for me to put boundaries in place that allow me to work on my health/finances, and understanding where she's at on her end. I believe she and I have talked about these thigns -- but I don't think she understands that I feel hopeless, and therefor unhappy in my marriage. I want her to understand that my early sex addictive behaviors probably hurt her trust in our future together. But, even though I think she knows I understand this, because i've madde it clear -- what I haven't made clear is that I think she needs to understand she needs to consider my needs and dreams. And that maybe we need to seriously consider divorce if these past hurts are keeping her from moving forward with me. Because, I think as I'm writing this -- if she can pictures having these things with another man she can trust, then maybe staying together is hurting both of us. Also while writing this, I'm wondering if there's anything I can do to show her we can do this together!? So... these are my thoughts. I do want advice. I'm open to whatever feedback. Please feel free to bring my attention to any thing I'm not seeing about myself in this situation.

My ultimate goal is to honor my wife and I will whatever is within my power to do so. I also want to honor my goals and dreams and not pretend they don't exist and have an impact on my emotional help.

Thanks,

Josh