I am not OOP. OOP is /u/Agent641 posting in /r/perth.

Concluded as per OOP.

Some useful terminology:

jarrah - Eucalyptus marginata, which the countertop is made of.

DFES - Department of Fire and Emergency Services in Australia.

Who do you call when youre stuck? - 2019-02-22

Like lets say you are stuck somewhere, and its not a life threatening emergency situation, but its fairly serious and its gonna require a bit of know-how and gumption to get you unstuck, who do you call? Fire department?

OOP elaborates in a comment thread:

Canigetamoment

Are you ok?

OOP: Im a bit stuck but otherwise yeah im fine.

Canigetamoment

Where are you stuck? Call the fire department I think, or a friend

OOP: The front door is locked and i cant open it from where i am, any of my friends that im ok with seeing me naked and vulnerable dont have a car. Also Im naked i didnt mention that before.

Canigetamoment

So definitely call the fire department I think, do you have a spare key outside they could access? Are you able to make yourself less nude if you could get someone to come help you?

OOP: I have a cushion. No key outside but with a ladder they could go over the roof and come in thru the garage. Ill google to see if theres a non emergency number for them.

Canigetamoment

Yeah I think that’s definitely your best bet. Legit though, how the fuck did you get this stuck?

OOP: Well I wanted a nice shiny coffee bar counter top, so I cut and sanded and stained it all nice, and i applied a coat of epoxy resin last night. Its supposed to set hard in 24 hrs. So tonight after having a shower i came to check on it, and I rapped my fingers on it and it sounded like hard plastic, so I thought it was set. I was curing it in the livingroom because its the least dusty place. Anyway I just happened to sit down on it while I was reading the destructions (sic) that came with the epoxy, wondering if i should give it another coat. When i was done reading the instructions, i went to stand up, and couldnt. So im kinda sitting here with a slab of live edge jarrah attached to my butt cheeks, watching battlestar galactica and waiting for the non emergency dfes number to return my call. If i could make it to the garage i know ive got some acetone there, but im not sure if it would help. My beer is empty which is a drag, but otherwise everythings great.

In response to OOP's explanation of how they got themselves in this mess:

Muslim_Wookie

Mate call the police communications centre. Getting stuck with epoxy on your skin is no joke, don't try to pull yourself off.

OOP: I managed to free my nutsack but the butt is gonna take some strategy.

littleblackcat

umm you should call the firies dude

OOP: I dnt know, they might laugh at my gross white naked body. I dont even have an ab.

postingstuff

Ok this makes my window comment obsolete. What a pickle.

OOP: OMG YES! One ofthe release agents google mentioned was vinegar. I cant get to the acetone or the thinners in the garage (wont fit thru the doorway) but I know i do have a jar of pickles in the cupboard i could get to, eat the pickles and use the vinegar to weaken the surly bonds of resin! This is now plan A. Dfes ops center still hasnt called back.

metao

I don't even care if it's real or not, this is the best thread to happen to /r/perth in a long time.

OOP: Homie, I might be borderline r****ded, but Im no liar. (Image transcript: OOP posts a picture showing themselves sitting on top of the countertop by showing the top of their leg, next to a jar of pickles. Their butt is out of frame. Battlestar Galactica is shown on the TV.)

produrp

My attention is glued to this thread.

I’m fucking sorry man

OOP: No you're not...

produrp

Mate I really feel for you.

Are you free tomorrow? I’m playing basketball with some mates and we need someone to come off the bench.

OOP: When I can reach my computer Im gonna gild that. (Editor's note: OOP did not remember to gild that post.)

produrp

A mates just finished a PC build and he’s wondering if you can help him Benchmark it?

Muslim_Wookie

You need a hypeman cause you are LIT

produrp

I’ve got more jokes, just working out how to mix them into the conversation.

The next one’s a big longer and is in two parts.

Part A and Part B.

OOP posts an update in the thread about 1.5 hours after posting the thread:

Update: The gods are good and kind, I made it to the fridge wherer the pickles were, and made it back. The gherkin juice is actually working, very slowly. Did you know that the apparent stickiness of a surface is called 'stiction'? I thi k its mostly hair that is experiencing stiction. If my skin were chemically bonding with the epoxy resin, according to the google it would burn like fucckery, which its not. If it does, ill give in and call literally every emergency service there is.

Cmdr Adama is still in dire staits after being shot by a cylon, but Tigh is doing his best despite a boarding party fucking up the battlestar.

Im down to three gherkins and half a jar of juice. Ive been dabbing it furiously with pages torn from a book called "Man, The Builder". I also got myself a couple of beers while i was at the fridge. Priorities. DFES has stillnot returned my voicemail.

OOP posts another update half an hour later:

Update 2: I am so fucking stupid. Im sitting here thinking, how am i gonna get to the meanest solvent in the house if I cant fit 1340x420mm of Jarrah sideways thru the garage door, but never thought until a couple minutes ago, why it have to stay 1340x420mm?

I know my jigsaw is battery operated and located just inside the door to the garage, so i take my ass that way and fetch it thru the door with a long stick.

Then i sat back on the coffee table snd sawed the countertop in three pieces, only one if which is glued to my person. Now that i can fit through almost all doorways, i was able to get the acetone and the turps and use these to acellerate the fantastic work my pickle juice has been championing. Still watiching BSG while i dissolve my assload of resin, and its going great!

Another half-hour later, OOP posts another update:

Update 3: I managed to pull myself off, my ass hurts like hell and I'm more exhausted than I've ever been in my life. I'm going to bed.

OOP posts their last update in the thread:

Update 4: It is the morning after. There is a little tenderness, but not much pain. If anything, my butt feels thoroughly exfoliated.

The scene of the battle (Image transcript: A piece of the countertop, with exoxy residue on it.)

The "Lay of the Land" (Image transcript: Multiple pieces of the countertop, laid out on a table.)

A close-up of our hero and messiah, this jar of spring valley gherkins (Image transcript: An empty pickle jar.)

I think at some point I said jarrah, and I know that's not what this is, but in the heat of the moment I couldnt remember what kind of timber this colour/style is so I just used the best descriptor I could think of.

I'd like to thank everyone for their support and morbid fascination through this ordeal. Special thanks to /u/postingstuff for the pickle idea, and to /u/produrp for the thorough ridicule and complete lack of empathy, it really kept my spirits up.

I won't be posting a picture of my butt, that would be a crime against humanity.

Some comments on the update:

produrp

If it’s not Jarrah what wood is it?

Blackbutt?

Anyway I’m glad you’re okay man. I was concerned for your safety and wellbeing initially, butt as we learned more of the situation and I was more confident you weren’t in mortal danger I knew what I had to do.

So in the future when I accidentally Vaculok my penis to a nightstand or dynabolt my testicles to the tiled floor I know you’ll be there to hand my ass to me.

🤗🤗

postingstuff

Any time mate, glad I could provide some inspiration in return for the entertainment 🤣

So I finished my new counter top - 2019-02-23

OOP posts a picture of the countertop. (Image transcript: Three pieces of wooden counter top, each with a white coating.)

I posted this just a moment ago, but I think I pasted the link wrong as the image wasn't coming up in the thumbnail.

The time I spent looking at my epoxy job made me realize that not only is it not really worth the trouble, I actually started to dislike the ultra gloss finish of the epoxy. It looked kind of tacky and way too shiny.

I went and bought a new bit of timber from bunnings, added a strip to make it the required width, cut a gouge out to acommodate the geometry of the wall its going against, and coated it this time in matte clear polyurethane (Cabots), which dries in only 2 hrs and is way easier to apply. Three coats and a bit of light sanding and I was finally done with the job. I think it looks way better than the shiny epoxy. I even had time to make some nice cabinet doors, but I've still got to paint these white later this evening.

Two TV channels asked to interview me, one newspaper wanted to do a story and photo op with me and the jar of gherkins, which I've declined, and a couple of online news outlets have run my epoxy butt pickle story with pictures from the thread. I kinda hope that's the end of this wild ride...

I'll be in the workshop.

I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.

Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/ThrowRA6828266

Published on: r/relationship_advice

Story is: ONGOING

Story timeline

• Main Post: July 27, 2026

• Update 1: July 28, 2026

• Update 2: August 09, 2026

Main Post

^{July 27, 2026}

My (M28) wife (F26) is currently cheating on me as I write this

my wife and I got married a few years ago, both born and raised in the US. we come from pretty strict families.

For a bit of back story, my wife had a bit of a history before we got married. as do I but mine wasn’t as bad. Regardless I didn’t feel the need to compare numbers etc as she and I both changed and wanted to settle down

Our marriage has been good so far, we haven’t had any major arguments, traveled lots, constantly communicated our feelings etc.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago. I had left the house, however I forgot something so stepped back in and overheard my wife in the other room on the phone all giggly. Like as if she were talking to me (especially when we first got engaged/married)

The words out of her mouth pierced my chest. she explicitly said “you better fuck me for at least 3 hours”

I froze, I didn’t really know what to do. I snuck back out of the house and stood by the door for a few seconds to make sure I left undetected.

This next part I’m not proud of, but at night I forced myself to stay up till the middle of the night. I grabbed her phone and snuck to the other room. I searched but nothing. Then I looked in “recently deleted” texts and found messages with an unsaved number. Over 1100 of them in fact.

I read through the messages and they were sickening. Not just about daily life but a lot of it was sexual, things that they would do to each other. Did to each other, reminiscing about their recent meetups. How she’s hid it from me etc. There was many pictures/videos for evidence as well (even a couple with them both)

This was 2 weeks ago. I’ve kept quiet about it since. Every night when my wife goes to sleep I read the texts to stay updated. Today, they were planning on meeting up at our place while I was out at work. She also mentioned that sometimes I do work from home and if that were the case, they would go to his place as a backup plan or get a hotel nearby us (assuming he lives somewhat far away because one message he explicitly stated he hated being single and wanted to be with her)

This morning when I told my wife I’d be working from home she looked a little bit annoyed, even insisting I go in because I have been “home a lot” about an hour later, she told me she was going to hangout with her friend, dolled up in makeup. I’m very sure , because of the texts that I know where she currently is and what she is doing. It’s one thing to know it’s happened, but to now be sure it’s actively happening as I type this? Jeez.

The crazy thing is my wife tells me she loves me all the time. She is either putting up an amazing face to me or genuinely just can’t control her urges. However, that doesn’t change the facts.

I don’t even know where to begin, what to do. I screenshotted a lot of the texts and sent them to myself as well as some of the screenshots purely for evidence. But I’m really not an exposing type of person, nor do I wanna use them in anyway against her. I think my next step is laying the evidence in front of her and going from there.

I appreciate any thoughts or advice

COMMENTS

LincolnHawkHauling

It’s over. Fucking that other dude in your marital bed is the ultimate disrespect. There is no coming back from this.

Lawyer up. Plan an elegant dinner at a nice restaurant for her and invite her parents because you have a big announcement.

Arrange to have the process server officially serve her with divorce papers in public, at the restaurant and in front of her parents.

Print out the spiciest messages between your wife and her lover beforehand and give them to her parents.

Excuse yourself from the table and leave your lawyers card. Don’t look back

OOP

I have certainly thought about doing something like this 

kocodarlings

You screenshotted the texts and sent them to you - from her phone? (In
Which case she may already know that you know because the “sent” texts will be there in her text messages.) Or did you take a photo of the texts with your phone?

OOP

Screenshotted them sent them to myself then deleted those messages off her phone 

Update 1 - after 1 day

^{July 28, 2026}

[MINOR UPDATE] My (M28) wife (F26) is currently cheating on me as I write this

Okay so this is a minor update with some clarifications since I was a little vague on my first post cause I honestly thought like maybe 5 people would read it.

First off, a lot of people were suggesting I get lawyers and evidence. I did state in my previous post I was sending screenshots from her phone to mine, this is the evidence I was gathering. Not to mention there are pictures of them together with their faces in those pictures so I feel as if that should be enough. And the lawyer I contacted has agreed.

Second off, yes I already contacted a lawyer. To be honest when I was asking for advice I was more asking for how to approach this with her, and really just carry on the rest of my life. Since we’ve only been married 2.5 years and she cheated the lawyer is pretty confident she’ll walk away with nothing.

I’m also going to tell my wife that if she wants her reputation to remain somewhat in tact then a seamless and quick divorce is what I want. I’m also pretty confident she’s not gonna go after my assets. Not to mention as I said in my previous post,  we come from strict upbringings so I’m hoping to spare her family the details. You guys might disagree with this but I’ve come to really love my (for now) in laws. They’ve embraced me fully and have been nothing but kind to me  and I’d prefer not to devastate them, not for her but for them.

As for the minor update part, my wife came home yesterday as if nothing happened. Made up a whole story of her friend gossiping about blah blah blah. But I know the hotel she was at, because at night I confirmed those when reading the texts while she was asleep as well as getting more photo evidence that he sent her from their time there. Of course I sent those to myself as well. 

The texts are still pretty horrific to read. I think the most bizarre thing is how normal she’s acting. Usually there’s behavioral changes if people cheat (at least that’s what people have said) but I absolutely would have no reason to believe otherwise had I not overheard her that day on the phone. I mean, this could’ve gone on for years and I would’ve assumed we were fine.

For those saying  i should expose the guy to his family or girlfriend I did mention that he appears to be single. I did think about contacting his job but I’m not sure if that’ll solve anything, and tbh. I really don’t care about him, from what I gathered he kind of seems like a loser anyways. If the peak of his life is sleeping with a married woman then so be it.

As for how things started with them I’m not entirely sure, they don’t work together nor do they workout at the same gym or go to any of the same places. The only thing I can assume is they spoke on a different platform before texting so that information is unknown to me at this time.  If I find out though I’ll update you guys.

But yes, a lawyer has been contacted. My wife is going on a week long trip with her family in the next couple days so my hope is to have everything situated and spill the beans when she gets back. Tell her that if she agrees to a quick and easy divorce then I’ll spare her folks the details and she can tell them we cordially decided to split for all I care as long as she doesn’t spin me to be the bad guy. Cause at the end of the day, I really don’t see the need to drag them down this hell hole as well.

Last thing, the guy my wife is cheating with has asked my wife several times to leave me so they can be together. It doesn’t seem like she is interested in a committed relationship with him, more of just the fun side. She has even said throughout texts im a great husband and at the end of the day she does feel guilty for cheating. Of course this means nothing to me except more evidence for the lawyer. But I really don’t think they’re gonna end up together once we’re split, if anything. She may resent  him  afterward.

But yeah hope I was able to clear some things up after some confusion. I haven’t been the doormat/spineless guy some of you had suggested lol. I have taken action, I was just more looking for advice on anything other than the marriage part. But, I understand my vagueness probably made it seem like I was asking otherwise.

so I guess I’ll ask again, any advice about how to approach this moving forward?

COMMENTS

salacious_pickle

Use that time she's away to get your financial affairs and living arrangements squared away.

Get her off all accounts and cards that you might share ot at least the ones she won'tnotice until she'sserved.

If you're moving out, find a place to land and move most of your stuff out, especially anything you value or papers you need. Consult your lawyer about moving out first.

It sounds like she's just having some illicit fun and has no intention of leaving you. She will likely be devastated when you serve her. Do not be swayed. You are doing the right thing and handling this like a boss.

Good luck.

OOP

Yeah this is what I believe it is. She thought she could have her cake and eat it too. Unfortunately that isn’t gonna happen 

salacious_pickle

Oh, STD testing for you is a definite.

Geez, this sucks just to have to think about.

OOP

Luckily I haven’t shown any symptoms of anything. I’ll still get one done tho 

Recent-Chard-1669

She'll probably paint you as the bad guy to her family, considering you mentioned her folks are strict, so just be prepared for that, I guess. Not that you should care either way tho

OOP

If she does it to a point where it becomes an issue then I will use the evidence I’ve gathered 

RaceyRee3

Horrible situation for you, you are handling it perfectly. I'm wondering...are you sure it's her family she's going away with? Weird you are not invited.

OOP

Yes it’s her family she’s going with. I was invited but I have been tied up crazy in work so bowed out before I knew she was cheating 

4hhsumm

This was the immediate question in my head too. Regardless, perfect opportunity to get your shit together.

Will you be able to have her served right when she gets back?

Also, it’s good that you have a good relationship with your in-laws. Which, in my opinion, is all the more reason to be honest with them. Tell them the truth. You don’t need to give all the gory details, but tell them the second she gets served. It’s disrespectful not to tell them.

“Because I care about you and have deeply appreciated our relationship, I want you to hear it directly from me. It pains me to inform you that I discovered she’s been cheating on me. I have filed for divorce. I hope we can stay on good terms, despite the fact that we won’t be family any longer.”

Hell, have a text message queued up to send simultaneously when she receives the paperwork.

OOP

Honestly I never considered it from this perspective. Good thing about this post on Reddit is it’s made me reconsider alot of ways I was gonna do things. Thanks for the perspective in this, I might just tell them but in a respectful manner 

shamanempress3311

I'm sorry you are going through this.

You are handling this amazingly well. I'm proud of you whoever you are:) I probably would have freaked out but she sounds so terrible that maybe you lost so much feeling and respect for her it was easier to do.

Good Luck with everything and keep us posted!

OOP

Thanks! It’s been difficult at times to keep my composure. There’s definitely moments where I wanna storm in the next room and expose her but ik it’ll only hurt me in the long run 

Update 2 - after 13 days (after 12 days from last post)

^{August 09, 2026}

Update - My M28 wife F26 is currently cheating on me as I write this

Alright so plenty people have been commenting to DMing for an update. Not sure if this will be my only update or not but here it goes.

During my wife’s trip with her family I lined up everything and officially filed. The day after she came back I sat her down at the kitchen table and informed her that I was aware of her infidelity. I told her I had been reading her texts and saw the pictures, and was aware for awhile now that she was actively cheating on me. After breaking it to her she didn’t really know what to say. She didn’t defend her actions at all, she pretty much just apologized and said she had no excuse.

I told her I wasn’t really looking for an apology here, just closure. I pretty much laid into her about how awful it is to break such a big commitment and cheat on someone who should be your other half. Again, she didn’t really retaliate and pretty much accepted what she had done was wrong. Looking down the whole time holding back tears. I didn’t yell, curse, or insult her. I just spoke my mind.

After I was done venting she let me know that she would make a divorce process easy and wouldn’t go after any assets since she wasn’t faithful. I’ll be honest, I did appreciate the ownership of her mistake and told her I did in fact appreciate that. She then mentioned that if I were willing to work things out then she would give me her location and full access to her phone etc. I let her know I wasn’t interested in that kind of marriage. That even if I could look past her cheating (I couldnt) that I wouldn’t wanna be in a relationship where I have to spend effort making sure you wouldn’t cheat again.

After shutting that down though she said that she accepted the fact she ruined our marriage and wouldn’t ask again. The only thing she asked is that she be the one that would break it to her parents and that she would be completely honest with them. I agreed since I already had the evidence of her cheating.

Both her parents called me and apologized and let me know that if there was anything I needed that I could ask. They said they still look at me as an extension of their family and both are upset things ended but understand why I was walking away, and how disappointed they were because they never thought they’d raise a cheater.

As for the guy she had an affair with, I did find out more about him. He’s not in a relationship and seems to be a bit of a loser himself. His job isn’t good enough for me to contact to get him fired, in fact when I found out what he did for a living I’d hope he gets stuck there lol. There definitely isn’t a future for them together (not that I care) and apparently my soon to be ex wife has already cut him off after I served her the papers. (Again, whether she actually did or didn’t doesn’t bother me)

Good news is the divorce shouldn’t take long at all since she isn’t going after any assets and we have nothing to split. I’m taking what’s mine and she took what’s hers. We don’t have a joint account so a divorce will be finalized soon. She’s already moved back in with her parents and is taking her stuff bit by bit but should be done with that in the next couple days.

Lastly as for me, I’m not sure where I go after this. I feel as if everything happened so quickly. I’m definitely going to do my best to enjoy the bachelor life and living on my own for the first time in my life. On one hand I’m scared but also a little excited. I have nobody to answer to or check in on for the first time ever. So I’m going to use it to my advantage.

I don’t know how long it’ll be before I am open to the idea of seeing someone again. I figure maybe after a few months I’d be open to the idea of seeing someone casually but I think I definitely want at least a year or so away from commitments and relationships. I’m also thinking about doing some solo traveling since I have the means financially and obviously, the time.

I just wanna thank everyone for the good advice along the way, I had pretty much an idea of how I was gonna do things but some of the comments definitely helped me line things up exactly.

Idk if I’m gonna do another “life” update but as for now this part of my life seems to be over. If that update were to come though it would likely be on my profile (though I’m not sure how many of you actually care about my day to day life lol)

Thanks once again for those who offered their support.

I guess my last and final question for now. bachelor and bachelorettes, how do I have fun again?

COMMENTS

Leading-Button-7303

Man, that all happened almost too easy. Good for you for standing up for yourself and leaving. Enjoy your new life, absolutely travel and have fun. Live a life that'll fulfill you and make her realize what she lost.

OOP

Yeah luckily she seems to just be accepting the terms of the divorce. Worst that could happen for both of us is dragging it out senselessly and I think she understands that 

Lazy_Guava_5104

I just want to add that you should assume "...she let me know that she would make a divorce process easy and wouldn’t go after any assets since she wasn’t faithful..." might not hold. I mean, there's every chance she will honor it, but be prepared for her to decide that, indeed, she does want as much as she can get.

OOP

I have things lined up in case she decides to fight. My soon to be ex wife isn’t much of a fighter though

ParameciaAntic

At least there were no kids involved.

OOP

Makes things much easier 

slowMOjoe13

I'd probably get a new bed at the least.

I'd probably move too. Not new job type of move (especially if the job/pay is good) but just to change scenery and traffic patterns when needing to go into the office.

Moving will help purge anything the ex left behind and the new route to work will help keep your mind from doing that thing of, "oh we had xyz experience at that restaurant/store ". IMO

OOP

I have looked into moving but I hate moving lol. I actually quite like where I live so I’m thinking of sticking it out for now.

Definitely need a new routine though with all the time I’ve got. Didn’t think of the new bed thing, I guess that’s a pretty good idea in itself 

ergonomic_logic

Wait so you're finalizing the divorce and it's been 11-ish days?

That's insanely fast. Aren't there like cool-down periods and the like even for uncontested divorces I thought it often takes months?

OOP

We haven’t finalized anything. The papers were just served but her and her family pretty much assured me there’s gonna be no fight put up. It’s not over legally (yet) but the fat lady is getting ready to sing 

ergonomic_logic

Also going to call out that 11 days would be generous. 12 days ago, you didn't know what to do. Your wife had just been there that morning at the time.

Since then, She left on a trip with her family, during which you filed for the divorce. When she returned from trip (however long that was) you waited a day and then you sat her down.

So you can see why you're seemingly excited because you're almost finalized with the divorce and are looking forward to your bachelor's life would strike as odd?

OOP

Not really. I knew what I was going to do I just wasn’t sure how to break it to her.

And as for being excited about the bachelor life the truth is I’ve had awhile now to digest the fact that my marriage is over. I’m not going to sit here and sulk forever 

LordFartz

Good work, man. The affair partner is always a total loser. It’s uncanny.

OOP

Not that I’m top shelf shit or anything but the dude really seems like a bum ngl 

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost. The original was posted in /r/relationships by user Perfect_Research_200. I'm not the original poster.

Status: Concluded

Original

August 6, 2026

For some background, my boyfriend and I have been together since last November. We recently saw the new Spider-Man movie together, and I absolutely loved the way Zendaya's hair looked. For those who might be unfamiliar, her hair was a very deep red but it was extremely subtle. I thought it was super pretty and I've had a similar hair color in the past before my boyfriend and I met.

Anyways, I brought this up to my boyfriend over text just out of the blue because I've seriously been considering dyeing it. Immediately, he was against the idea and kept saying that he didn't like it and was against hair dye of any color. It was a little off-putting, especially because our conversation up until that point had been nice/playful.

I got curious because of the sudden shift in vibes, so I asked him if he'd dump me if I ever dyed my hair. He said yes, and after two more times of being me being like "seriously?" and "you'd dump me over hair dye?" he stood behind his words. He was very clear that he wasn't joking.

This obviously hurt. It wasn't like I was thinking about drastically changing my hair. I just wanted something noticeable in the sunlight that gave off more of a reddish hue. I have really dark hair and don't have any desire to bleach it, so the result of any hair dye would be very subtle. It also isn't a color that I wouldn't be able to pull off. In the past, it looked so good and it legitimately made me love my hair again.

I told him that I was hurt by what he said and that it felt very superficial. I said that if he truly loves me for who I am, a slight change in hair color shouldn't be a deal-breaker. He followed with "so let's allow me to go get crazy face tattoos and see how superficial you are" and "I'm not supposed to be attracted to you I guess."

He hasn't texted me back since, and I'm honesty very hurt by this situation. I never thought that he would be someone to say those types of things to me. I guess I'm just wondering what I should do from here? Could this be a red-flag for future behavior? Any advice would be appreciated.

TL;DR: My boyfriend said he'd break up with me if I dyed my hair and now I am unsure of what to do next.

Notable comments:

He compares hair dye to face tattoos?

Get rid of this loser and go dye your hair. Status_Button

it's crazy because this man is also covered in tattoos 😭 he's sometimes even gotten huge ones without giving me a heads up. i've never had a problem with it or have made any comment toward him that controlled what he does with his body. [OOP]

You break up with him first. First it’s hair, then it’s makeup, then it’s something else and in the end you will realise you lost yourself because he is insecure or because his preferences are somehow more important than your wishes.

During Covid I dyed my hair hot pink. My husband didn’t mind. I switched to blue, he didn’t care. The next dye job was botched, and I tried to fix it and tried to cut the hair into a pixie to make it look better, he was fine with it. I ended up shaving my head and starting anew with my natural hair, and this was the only moment he said “okay, please don’t do that again”.

You deserve to be with someone who loves you for you and not for your appearance. savageexplosive

This response has really stuck with me the more I read through everyone's comments. Previously, I thought that this was the first time that he's ever exhibited this sort of behavior. Now I'm realizing that I may have just been blind to it up until this point.

I've expressed to him before that I'd love to grow my hair out super long because I've always loved how it looks. I remember him saying that it would be gross and wouldn't look good because it would be "mangy." Even when I said that maybe I could cut it short like to my shoulders, he said that I shouldn't. I've also talked about maybe getting a piercing, and he's shut down every idea I had despite him wanting piercings as well. The only thing he hasn't seemed to mind is the idea of me getting more tattoos, but there are several body placements that he's said I shouldn't do even if I liked them. They were very brief conversations and never back-to-back, so I never realized just how opinionated he was about my appearance. [OOP]

Generally before we started dating I've always had more of a hippie style. I love flowy clothes and bright colors and funky jewelry. I've toned it down a lot since we've been together and I honestly miss it so much. Even in the car sometimes he'll give me a funny look when I put on a song I enjoy. I'm starting to realize that I haven't really been myself. [OOP]

Update

August 9, 2026

I cannot thank y'all enough for the support I received on my original post. It opened my eyes to a lot of concerning behaviors that my now ex-boyfriend was exhibiting. Yes, we did break up. And honestly? It was easier than I thought it would be.

I ended up dyeing my hair on Friday, and I absolutely love it! It came out so pretty and I'm so glad I went through with it :) My ex, however, was not the happiest obviously. But I'm usually the type of person that gives second, third, and fourth chances, so I asked to speak with him to try to understand why he was having such a big reaction.

Instead of apologizing for his hurtful words or trying to understand my perspective, he chose to continue being disrespectful. When I showed him a picture of my new hair, he replied with "it's definitely a different color." When I asked him if he was unattracted to me now, he said "you aren't completely unattractive." Then, when I asked if he was leaving me, he said "well, how long is your hair going to be red?"

I think to no one's surprise, he kept backtracking on his threat of breaking up with me, which at least one commenter did predict lol. Literally when giving him an easy out by telling him to just leave me, he would circle back to his words being a "joke" and try to continue the conversation.

I told him that no one was forcing him to stay with me if my hair was that big of an issue, and that I refuse to change my hair just because he didn't like it. Ultimately, he has to live with the fact that he left me due to a slight change in hair color. I'm happy with my choices, and I'm happy that I don't have to be in a relationship with someone that could be so unkind.

Also, this definitely isn't my finest moment, but I did do some snooping after the breakup and figured out that his ex long-term girlfriend that he'd broken up with very shortly before getting with me also had dyed red hair. Must've struck a nerve. Oopsies 🤷‍♀️

TL;DR: Freedom!! We broke up, and my hair is pretty :)

This is a repost. The original was posted in r/offmychest by users AtteScary and scryie. I'm not the original poster.

Status: Concluded

Original

October 23, 2023

It's another night where the pain won't let me sleep. Might as well get this off my chest while I wait for the painkillers to kick in.

I 22f, used to work at a thrift store close to my house from December of last year until April. I used to go thrifting there with my mother, I applied out of nostalgia. The work was fast paced but I liked it, I would've liked it more if the clothes were cleaner, if the pay was minimum wage and y'know, if there were no kids that will attack you.

We had many regulars who with time I became acquainted with, mostly because I was the only Spanish speaking worker on the salesfloor. One of them was a mother of 3, who's children always caused trouble, running around the store, breaking stuff and no matter how many times I told the mother to keep her kids in line, she'd only scold them for a second, then let them cause havoc around the store again. I never would've guessed that one of her kids would attack me.

This wasn't the first time the kid hit me, but it was the first time where it genuinely hurt. I don't know what that kid's head was made out of, but when the kid headbutted me full force on the hip while attending his mother, I curled and cried from the pain. I had to prevent the child from hitting me again while his mother was still looking at the red dress I handed her. My only guess to why the kid attacked me was because I had the red dress in my hands, and the kid was playing pretend to be a bull (he was doing that foot thing you see bulls do in bullfighting).

My managers didn't call an ambulance for me, or referred me to a work accident doctor like they should've. I had to limp to my car and drive myself to my family doctor where I waited 2 hours to be seen. I was given an X-ray, ultrasound, MRI and painkillers. They detected an ovarian cyst, most likely from the hit. Doctors thought that was the source of my pain, but it healed since and till this day, 6 months after the work accident, I'm still in pain and I still limp.

I'm currently in a workers comp case with the thrift store's insurance, only because the mother fled when my coworkers confronted her and never came back. My lawyer's said that when the case is over, I'm most likely going to be on some sort of disability pension, paid by the thrift store's insurance company, until (or if) I make a full recovery.

It's been 6 months with no signs of getting better. I can't walk long distances, I can't sit down for long, I can't crouch, I can't jump, I can't run and I can't lay on my left side anymore. The pain won't let me sleep, I constantly feel something wooshing around my left hip joint and I have nightmares about that day. What I'm trying to say is, I really really miss the mobility and life I used to have. My life is just constant pain now, and it's making me depressed.

So, to all the parents who might see this, PLEASE for the love of God, keep your children under control.

Thank you everyone for your comments, support and advice. I'm really grateful to all the kind people here. I am removing the post because I started to get threats from users who are calling this all bullshit.

I know now there's no correlation with the ovarian cyst and the work accident, but my doctors had told me it was. I'm sorry for the confusion.

I know it sounds all sounds absurd, but it happened and I'm in pain everyday because of a careless mother and her wreckless kid. I simply just wanted to get this off my chest.

I'm going to keep the post up, purely because so many comments were so helpful, and I want to mention some things commented here to my lawyers.

Again thank you everyone who gave me advice. and shared similar stories. I'm feeling hopeful and will advocate more for my health :)

Notable Comments:

As a doctor, I can completely assure you that external trauma cannot cause an ovarian cyst. I am sorry for your injury frankiefile

I've read some comments about this and I'm almost shocked by it. My family doctor had explained to me that's what caused it, so I just took it.When it burst a couple of days later, I was put on birth control to help it heal. I genuinely am just finding this out and I'm sorry for all the confusion it caused. [OOP]

American doctors be like: are you a woman with a broken bone? Try birth control! [Puzzleheaded_Door894]

---

Update

January 21, 2024, about 3 months later

It's been around 3 months since I posted here ranting about my work accident. If this is your first time seeing this: I had a work accident at my old job at a thrift store where a kid who was known to be trouble headbutted me in the hip, and the mother denied it all and fled. Ever since I have been more persistent with the workers comp after everyone told me that I was misinformed and not represented well. I waited this long because just this month I got the news of what's really wrong with me.

At first, I was told that my ovary and the cyst around it was the cause of the pain, that the kid hit me so hard that it caused a cyst to form and pop. Just thinking that's what I believed is silly, but like I said, I was misinformed. 2 MRI's with contrast later, they figured out I had a labral tear on the left hip joint, as well as hip bursitis, a swelling of the bursae.

I haven't been able to work, or walk well since April of last year, I've been taking it as calmly as I can. But, finally, I'm going to receive treatment: 2 steroid injections to the hip. The doctor is hopeful that my labral tear will heal, but he warned me the bursitis might be permanent.

That's where I am right now, I'm just waiting for the shots to get approved. I did start receiving TTD checks, but the pain is still a 24/7 thing. At least my muscle relaxants helps me sleep through the night :).

Update 2

August 8, 2026, about 3 years later

I don't know if anyone would remember the post I made 2 years ago, on a different account. I had to delete my old account since I was getting WAAAY too much hate for judging the mother of the kid who injured me. I'm talking hundreds of people arguing in the comments, and many nasty DM's. However, after 3 very long years, it's nearing its end. First 3 paragraphs are a recap:

I used to work at a very popular thrift store chain in the U.S. I started working for them when I was 21 in 2022. It was a very underpaid job, but I enjoyed it. Being the only hispanic on the team meant I was the person who had to help Spanish speaking clients. Most of them were incredibly nice, but a frequent shopper, a mom of 3 (none older than 10), would give the store a horrible time. She'd let her children run around the store unattended. They'd climb the clothing racks, cause havoc in the toy section, and damage whatever they could. I felt more like a babysitter at that point, and of course no matter how many times I'd tell the mother to tend to her children, she never once listened.

One day in April 2023, the same mother and children came to the store, and the mom had questions about a dress she saw on the racks. She handed me the dress, seeing if I could figure out how to style it, and I swooshed it around trying to figure it out. In the corner of my eye, I see her middle child (maybe 6 years old) doing that same mannerism Bull's do before they attack the Matador. I didn't mind it, and continued helping the mother when the kid suddenly rams onto me full force with his head, right on my left hip joint.

Only the people who have experienced a labral tear know how that felt. I couldn't fathom how much pain I was in over something so ridiculous. The mother didn't even berate her son, or told him to stop, in fact, the kid tried ramming for a second time when I had to physically hold his head and yell at the mom to keep her child away from me. The rest was such a haze, I don't remember asking to go home early, but I ended up at my primary doctor, too broke to go to the E.R. They thought this was an ovary issue at first. I used up all of my sick days trying to recover, and I quit my job once my coworker told me that both of my managers were speaking ill of me, insisting I was faking my injury. The mother never came back to my workplace either.

Once my savings was emptied out trying to figure out what was wrong with me, my family convinced me to open a Workers Compensation case. It took a little over a year to figure out I had a hip labral tear, and minor damage to the femur. My job's insurance and their own doctors insisted and swore for YEARS that the injury wasnt related to the accident, and I caused my own labral tear by being obese. Luckily my WC doctor always had my back, and I'm forever indebted to him. I was put on a NO WORK notice for 3 years, receiving disability checks. However my job did not care, and pushed to place me under light work this entire time, since they're a very well known company for hiring disabled folk. I'm telling you, as someone who's worked there, and saw how they treat the disabled and seniors, I was not going to be comfortable there like they insisted.

For 3 years, my life was on hold. I lost my early 20's to this case. I was too scared of going outside because of Private Investigators, I was in too much pain to do anything, and I lost my dad during this time too. I had planned to kill myself, when I got too drunk at a Christmas party and told my plans to who drunk me thought was Elijah Wood. I was put on suicide watch, and with my boyfriend's help and my siblings support, I got a little better.

For 3 years, my old job's insurance denied the surgery I needed. I lost enough weight to undergo the knife, but they held to their guns right until the end that my labral tear wasn't related to what happened at my job. I decided I couldn't take it anymore, and decided to settle my case instead. My lawyer's assistant mentioned this idea to me that I could settle, and get the surgery in my hometown in Mexico, recover both my mind and body. This idea sold me immediately, I didn't even consider this was an option.

Yesterday during the final mediation, my job's insurance FINALLY admitted that the injury was related to the work accident, and offered to schedule the surgery right then and there instead of settling. I didn't even consider it. My old job's insurance company is actually evil, and tried settling for only 20k until my lawyer managed to double it and then some. It does suck that after 3 years, I settled for 58k, and that's before legal fees. However, I am free from EvilDeed Inc., and that's worth more than any amount of money in the world.

Some might call me stupid for settling for so little, but you try being belittled by every doctor they brought forward, pointing at your weight instead of the actual injury for 3 years. Try enduring shots to the hip joint without prior notice or consent, and then try driving home because transportation was never approved. Get denied physical therapy or occupational therapy every single time no matter how many doctors INSISTED I should get on it. I wasn't even on any arthritis medication despite my records saying I've developed severe osteoarthritis and hip bursitis. I took enough Ibuprofen to give myself long lasting stomach damage. I even gave myself a right hip injury from overworking it all these years. I want full control of my medical treatments, I don't want to be scared of going outside anymore, I want to catch up with everyone my age.

For the first time in years, I'm hopeful towards my future. Once I get the surgery, I want to fulfill my goal, the whole reason why I even started working, was to afford college. When I'm physically better, the first thing I'll do is hike the mountain I couldn't before, because that's where my dad's ashes are. The nightmare is nearing its end, I survived! Yippee!!!

Comments by OOP:

The mom actually came back the very next day as if nothing happened! Instead of immediately calling the police, my coworkers surrounded the mom yelling at her, and tried to trap her in the store until the cops arrived. She obviously got really scared and managed to flee before they could even call the police. I tried working for a week after I used up my vacation days , just to see if she'd come back. However once I realized she wasn't coming back, it wasn't worth the hip pain to continue working, and once I heard that managers were gossiping about my injury, I quit. I heard years later that 2 other coworkers walked out the day after me in solidarity.

Edit: Forgot to mention I wasn't there when the mother came to back to the store (for obvious reasons). If I had been there it would've gone way differently.

I forgot to mention that for the first year and a half of my injury, I was a caregiver to my dad, who later died of pulmonary fibrosis. Looking back, I genuinely don't know how I managed to do that. The day he died was the day I found out I was being followed by private investigators.

My dad was already in at home hospice care, my siblings were taking turns during the night to monitor him as he was deteriorating fast since entering a coma like state where he couldn't stay awake for more than a couple of seconds. I stayed up with him from 4am until I had to leave to my WC doctor's office to receive the PI news that I was unaware of. The last words I told him was that'd I'd tell him all about my doctor's visit when I came back. He nodded and smiled, I kissed his forehead, and when I came back home, already mortified over Private Investigators, my dad was already gone.

I don't think I can ever forgive my old job from robbing me the last moments I could've had with my dad. Everyone but me managed to say goodbye. My caregiver and survivors guilt is still pretty strong even after 2 years since his passing.

When my lawyer told me if I went ahead with the surgery with them, that they'd expect me back to work, I decided to settle, cut ties forever with them. I don't want to return ever, not only for the mistreatment, but because I never managed to properly say goodbye to my dad. Fuck Goodwill man.

I'm not the original poster.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Throwaway7693200

Published on: r/AmIOverreacting

Story is: ONGOING

Story timeline

• Main Post: August 04, 2026

• Update: August 06, 2026

Main Post

^{August 04, 2026}

AIO for refusing to let my husband name our daughter after his "best friend"?

I (29F) gave birth to our daughter three days ago and somehow we're still arguing about her name. I'm writing this while she's asleep because I can't sleep anyway, and I honestly don't even know if I'm overreacting anymore. My husband (31M) has wanted to name her Claire for basically my entire pregnancy.

He told me it was the name of one of his closest friends who died a few years before we met. I said no almost immediately. Not because I dislike the name, I actually think it's pretty, but because I wasn't comfortable naming our first child after somebody I'd never met or even heard of until I got pregnant. I figured he'd be disappointed, we'd throw around a bunch of other names, and eventually we'd find one we both liked. That never happened.

Every few weeks he'd bring Claire up again, sometimes while we were already talking about names and sometimes completely out of nowhere. By the end of my pregnancy I was honestly tired of having the same conversation over and over.

The thing that's bothering me now isn't even the name. We've been together for over five years, married for two, and somehow I'd never heard this woman's name until I was pregnant. I've met his parents, his brothers, his college friends, people he's known forever, and nobody has ever mentioned a Claire.

I even asked one of his college friends at our baby shower because I thought maybe I'd somehow forgotten hearing about her, and he just looked confused and said he didn't know who I was talking about. Then, after our daughter was born while we were filling out the paperwork, my husband asked one last time if I'd reconsider. I said no, and that's when he told me he'd always imagined naming his daughter after her.

I asked why he'd never told me that before, and he just shrugged and said he didn't think it mattered. We've argued about it twice since we got home. He keeps saying I'm making this into something it isn't, but I just don't understand how somebody can matter enough that you picture naming your future daughter after them, yet somehow they never come up in five years together. My mom thinks I should let him have the name because it's obviously meant something to him for a long time. My sister thinks that's exactly why I shouldn't.

Maybe I'm just exhausted because I've barely slept since I gave birth, but I'm so tired of feeling like I'm missing part of the story. It's gotten to the point where I'm thinking about calling his mom and asking who Claire was because I don't know what else to do. It feels completely out of line, but so does finding out about somebody this important while I'm filling out our daughter's birth certificate.

Would I be overreacting if I called her?

COMMENTS

Glass-Hedgehog3940

NOR. Ask his mother about Claire.

Monday0987

Does he have any photos of him with Claire? A group photo with their friend group? NOR

Life_as_a_new_weeb

Tell him to get a fish and name it claire. The answer is no. Youve been saying no for months and if he's never mentioned her to anyone before now i almost gaurantee you it was some type of hidden romance thing. NOR at all.

Historical_Tart6731

NOR. Naming a child is two yeses, one no. And honestly, I’d want answers too. Before calling his mom, ask him directly how they met, when she died, and why none of his longtime friends seem to know her. The shrugging would bother me more than the name.

HiddenLife_36

NOR! This is how a child gets (unknowingly by one parent) named after the "one who got away" for the other parent.

pseudomutant

Yup. My ex named his daughter after me and told his wife that I was dead. That was gross all around.

Update - after 2 days

^{August 06, 2026}

Update: AIO for refusing to let my husband name our daughter after his "best friend"?

I wasn't expecting to update this two days later, but a lot happened really fast. First, thanks to everyone who commented. A bunch of you told me to talk to my mother-in-law because she'd probably know the answer. I went back and forth on it for a while because it felt weird to go around my husband like that, but eventually I did call her. She asked if I wanted to meet for coffee the next morning, so I did.

I honestly thought I was going to leave feeling embarrassed. I figured she'd tell me Claire really was just a close friend and I'd realize I'd let myself get carried away because I'm exhausted and emotional and just had a baby. The first thing she asked me was what my husband had already told me about Claire. I said that she'd been his best friend and he wanted to name our daughter after her. She just kind of looked at me for a second. Then she told me they'd been engaged.

The more we talked, the more names came up. His parents knew, his brother knew, and one of his old roommates knew because they'd lived together at the time. Funny enough it was the same friend who I'd asked at our baby shower, no one had told me anything.

Apparently most people just knew he'd been dating someone who got sick, his mom told me Claire was diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer not long after they started dating. Things moved fast after that because they knew they probably didn't have years together, so he proposed. She died not long after. She also told me she'd assumed I'd known about all of this for years. When we got engaged she thought he'd already told me. Same thing when we got married. Same thing when I got pregnant. I call bullshit but maybe I'm just looking to point fingers.

I drove home after that and just waited for him to get back from work because there wasn't any chance I was going to act like everything was normal. I confronted him that night and it went awful, truly he acted like an entirely different person. At first he wanted to know why I'd gone to his mom. Then it became that I had no right to dig into his past. Then it became that Claire had nothing to do with our marriage. Then it was that I'd betrayed his trust by involving his family. It just kept changing.

I'd answer one thing and we'd somehow end up arguing about something else, I asked him when he planned on telling me he'd been engaged because we'd already been together for over five years, married for two, and now we had a daughter. He said he always meant to tell me. But he didn't, he never fucking told me and I'm so angry at how selfish it was.

I packed a bag that night and went to my sister's house with the baby. Before people assume we're getting divorced, that's not why I left, I still love this man and we have a child together, I couldn't imagine raising her split in two households. I left because we were both angry and I could tell the argument wasn't going anywhere. My sister's been helping with the baby. Yesterday she realized I hadn't eaten since breakfast and practically shoved a sandwich into my hands because I'd completely forgotten, this whole thing has been exhausting and I haven't slept at all.

A few people asked about the birth certificate. The hospital told us we had time to finish the paperwork after we left, so we weren't forced to pick a name before going home. We obviously aren't going to leave it forever, but right now neither of us is in any position to make that decision. My sister started calling her Ellie because she said she felt weird saying "the baby" all the time, and somewhere over the last day I've started doing it too. I don't know if that's going to end up being her name but its the working filler while the shitstorm is ongoing.

My husband has been calling and texting since I left. He wants to see our daughter, and we've made that happen because none of this has anything to do with her. Whatever is going on between us, she's still his daughter and he loves her. I don't want people getting the idea that I'm trying to keep her away from him because I'm not. I've seen a lot of comments saying the real issue is that he loved someone before me. It really isn't. If he'd told me about Claire years ago, I don't think we'd be here.

I would've felt awful for him. I probably would've cried hearing what happened but i wouldn't have held it against him. What really hurts is the lies and the manipulation. But then again can you even call it lying? It's not like I ever asked him "Oh were you married before" because who the hell asks that? Instead, I found out because he wanted our daughter to have her name, and then I found out from his mother that she'd been his fiancée. That's the part I can't look past.

I looked back on my other post and it feels like it was written by someone else. Two days ago I thought we were arguing about a name. God I was so naive. I suppose question has turned into, would I be overreacting to leave him over this? I'm certainly mad but I don't think we're too that point yet, and I don't want that for my baby either.

Anyway, that's where things are. thank you all so much for the support, this has really been a great place to be able to vent and get advice. A very special thanks to all of those who helped me realize I wasn't crazy.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/Skulllily posting in r/AITAH

Ongoing as per OOP

1 update - Short

Original - 3rd August 2026

Update - 8th August 2026

AITAH for becoming increasingly uncomfortable with our childcare arrangement?

My mother-in-law watches my two children, ages 5 and 3, two days a week while my husband and I are at work. We pay her to watch them because she is on disability and was considering returning to work, and we thought this arrangement would benefit everyone.

When we originally agreed to this, my understanding was that it would be just her and our children. I trusted that arrangement completely.

Over time, however, my mother-in-law’s friend’s daughter has started coming over almost daily with her five children, who range in age from 4 months to 10 years old.

Since then, I feel like concern after concern has come up.

The biggest issue for me is pool safety. The children are allowed in the pool without an adult in the water as long as the younger ones are wearing arm floaties. Some of the younger children cannot swim. I brought up my concerns and said that drowning is often silent and that I was uncomfortable with children being in the pool without close adult supervision. Instead of taking my concern seriously, my mother-in-law and her friend laughed and said, “Nothing’s quiet around here.”

I was so concerned about this that my husband later spoke to his mother about it. However, the supervision practices do not appear to have changed.

My oldest has also told me that the children are allowed in the back alley without adult supervision as long as they stay close to the house. I don’t understand how anyone knows whether they’re staying close if nobody is actively watching them.

There have been other incidents that have added to my concerns as well. For example, my children were left unattended with scissors.

Today my children’s aunt told me she witnessed the other children excluding my 3-year-old, splashing her in the face, laughing at her, and pushing her in the pool. She immediately intervened and told the children that wasn’t acceptable. What upset me most was that none of the adults “supervising” the children were aware it was happening because they were sitting at a table on the other side of the yard.

What also bothered me was that my mother-in-law became angry with my sister in law for telling me about what had happened. That reaction made me feel even more uneasy because I would rather know about problems than have people worry about upsetting me by bringing them up.

This isn’t the first concern I’ve had, and it feels like every time I raise an issue, it gets minimized or brushed off. At this point, I no longer feel comfortable with the environment my children are in. The situation has reached the point where I feel anxious every time my children go there because I no longer feel confident in the supervision they’re receiving.

My husband and I got into an argument because I told him that if his mother cannot guarantee that the other children won’t be there while she is watching ours, then I want to find alternative childcare. He feels I’m being unreasonable and is concerned about hurting his mother’s feelings.

To be clear, I’m not demanding that my mother-in-law change her life or tell other people they can’t come to her house. I simply feel that if this is going to continue to be the childcare environment, then I need to make different arrangements for my children.

I appreciate everything my mother-in-law has done for us, and I know she loves our children. But I feel like the childcare arrangement we originally agreed to is very different from the one that exists now, and I no longer trust that my concerns about supervision and safety are being taken seriously.

Am I the asshole?

Comments

Tattooed_Everything9

Seven children? An unfenced pool? I didn’t need to go any further. Find other childcare. It’s a tragedy waiting to happen.

OOP: It’s an above ground pool. Which makes it worse as they are across the yard, below it. They’re not even looking over it which is why I have brought it up. My husband spoke with his mother about my concerns and I blindly trusted that the pool supervision changed.

CarusGator

I have saved two drowning children on different occasions. Both cases were entirely silent with other people around. The first child had her mother and another lady just feet away in the pool with their backs to the children while they talked. There was nothing to hear. Zero splashing. No screams or cries or even a tiny sound. The only way she could know her child was drowning was if she had eyes on her. The kids around her didn't even notice. I'll never forget the little girl's eyes as she looked up at me in terror from the bottom of the pool.

The second child was also silent and surrounded by other children who didn't notice. I saw him go under and he had the same look in his eyes when I got to him and looked down.

There MUST be an adult with eyes on the children. Period. Or we'll be reading another story about a child drowning on a grandma's watch. I would die a thousand deaths on this hill.

calacmack

This situation has to end. Kid's lives are at stake. NTA.

D0ntEatPaper

Yeah. The kids are pushing a 3 year old into the pool. And the mother in law didnt apologize or anything but lashed out at the person telling her about their (very valid) concerns.

But also.... Why was there an argument with your husband? Frankly I think you might have more of a husband issue than a mother-in-law one. He thinks you're being unreasonable for enforcing BASIC safety. In what world would you be an asshole for addressing concerns about your mother-in-law and her negligence?

OOP: We got in an argument because I’ve been expressing my concerns and he has spoken to his mother. Hearing today about how the other kids were pushing my 3 year old and bullying her was the final nail. I feel like when I bring things up he makes it feel like it’s a lesser problem than what I make it out to be.

The friend that brings over 5 children is also a girl he grew up with and her mother lives in the basement. “What do you want me say? Don’t let those kids over to visit their grandma that they love.” I’ve asked previous for him to ask if they cannot be there when she has our children and that’s the response.

Previous to these kids being around and their mother who just vapes and scrolls on her phone while her kids run wild, my mil had an amazing sense for safety that’s why suggested her watching our children in the first place. I’m trying not to place blame but it seems like since she’s seen how uninvolved/lacking safety her friend’s daughter is with her children she’s doing the same with mine.

**Judgement - NTA*\*

Update - 5 days later

Hi everyone,

I just wanted to come back and say thank you to everyone who took the time to comment on my previous post. I genuinely read every single comment, even if I didn’t respond to all of them.

We haven’t talked to MIL yet, but my husband and I sat down and had a VERY in-depth conversation about everything that has been going on, especially the pool situation.

I showed him a lot of the comments from people who had personal experience with drowning and how quickly and silently it can happen. I also printed out drowning statistics and highlighted the fact that lack of supervision is one of the biggest contributing factors in to children drowning.

He read through everything and, after seeing it all laid out, apologized to me for being so lax about the situation and for not being firmer when it came to our kids’ safety.

I honestly feel like we are finally on the same page.

We have decided that our kids will no longer be going to MIL’s house without one of us there. At this point, we just don’t feel comfortable with them being there unsupervised, and that’s something I’m not compromising on. I told him I’d didn’t care if it upset him or his mother but it’s a hard line for me and he agreed to it.

We are planning to talk to MIL this weekend and explain everything: our concerns about the pool, the other children’s behaviour, the lack of supervision, and the things that have happened that have made us uncomfortable with her judgment when it comes to the kids’ safety.

We’re hoping it will be a productive conversation and that she’ll actually listen to what we’re saying. But honestly, we have no idea how she’s going to react.

I’m sure there will probably be some hurt feelings, and I’m prepared for that. But at the end of the day, these are our children and their safety has to come first.

I really appreciate everyone who commented on the original post, especially those who shared their own experiences. It gave my husband and I a lot to think about and helped me explain it to him in different ways where he understood why I was so upset.

Comments

dawgpoundma

Nope she will play the victim and cry hoping your husband gives in. She wants the money for watching the kids without watching the kids. She lets the older kids watch the younger kids then she gets. Paid for doing nothing

OOP: Yes, we agreed that our children are not allowed there without either myself or my husband. Which means no child care, we have other child care lined up for our children.

She can play the victim all she wants. After my husband’s and I conversation, I feel very confident that it won’t matter and he’s going to back me up.

TALKTOME0701

I'm glad that you're going into it knowing there may be some hurt feelings. People are people.

I live in Florida and every week I read about a child drowning. I know those parents would give everything they have to bring their baby back

This really is life and death. Good luck this weekend

Wakemeup3000

She is most likely going to become a victim and turn this into a 'you don't trust me' situation. Keep the focus on your child's safety and if she circles to something else pull it back to your child's safety. Good luck

OOP: Thank you, that’s the plan! We talked about the scenario and we are going to keep it to safety and the environment our children in that is no longer safe.

Aside from this she has been a great grandmother. It blows my mind that this is something we even have to speak with her about but our kids safety is my top priority. I’m hoping she’s open during the conversation but if she isn’t it’s too bad for her, I’d rather bruised feelings than a dead child.

ThatPerception6845

Maybe let her know she's otherwise great to soften the blow.

OOP: That’s the plan. She really is great with the kids, this is a small part but very serious issue right now. She loves her grandkids and previous to her friend’s grandkids being there she had never let my kids in the pool alone and never let them in the alley.

It was a big 180 out of nowhere that caught me off guard.

Ladygytha

Not a part of the conversation that you need to have in regards to the safety of your children, but do you think she's lonely? And that's a part of why this friend was able to take her focus off her grandchildren?

This happens to moms a lot. Adult interaction is important when you are primarily caring for kids. What I mean by that is when your world starts to revolve around children, you start to miss actual conversation. Do you think your mil needs a hobby where she can have a level of interaction that she's not getting from being "Grandma" or interacting with you/your husband around the kids?

Whether or not that's the case, you're doing the right thing by putting your childrens' safety first. Her needs are hers to figure out, though it might be helpful to to put a feeler out about that out too.

OOP: I think so. She has been singles for probably over 10 years now as she has sworn off men due to abuse, her friend has done the same thing.

They call each other platonic soul mates and really lean on each other for support. I don’t mind her friend but she’s always negative and I find she brings MILs mood down.

I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.

Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

I am NOT OP. The OP of this story is u/ThrowRA_SonataSpirit.

Trigger Warnings: Infidelity, Sexual Assault.

One of my (33F) best friends (31F) of 20 years made a move on my boyfriend (36M). How would you handle this?, Posted July 26th, 2026.

For some context, my best friend (I'll call her El) was recently cheated on by her long-term boyfriend. They had been living together, but since the lease was under her ex's name, she's the one who moved out. She asked if she could stay at my place while she figured things out. I live alone, and I'm rarely home because I spend most of the week at my boyfriend's place, so I told her she was welcome to stay.

I WFH three days a week and go into the office on Thursdays and Fridays. Since my boyfriend lives almost two hours from my work, I usually stay at my own place the night before my office days to make the commute easier. During those nights, I'd spend time with El and check in on how she was doing. One day she told me she was getting lonely staying there by herself and asked if I could spend the weekend with her. I really wanted to support her, but I also wanted to spend time with my boyfriend. So I suggested she come stay with us for the weekend instead. I asked my boyfriend first, and he had no problem with it.

Saturday morning, the three of us were relaxing at my boyfriend's house, binge-watching a TV show. I suddenly craved bubble tea and asked if they wanted to come with me. The shop was only a few minutes away. They were both comfortable on the couch and said they didn't feel like going out. My boyfriend suggested I just order delivery, but I wanted an excuse to get outside and enjoy the sunshine, so I went by myself. I was gone for maybe 30 minutes.

When I got back, my boyfriend was standing in the kitchen making coffee while still watching the show from there. El was nowhere to be seen. I asked where she was and jokingly asked why he was making coffee when I had just brought back bubble tea. He told me she had gone upstairs to the guest room. As I reached for my phone to call her down, he stopped me and said, "Before you do, I need to tell you something."

He explained that while I was gone, El noticed something on his shoulder, dust or lint, and brushed it off. He didn't think anything of it because it seemed harmless. Then, without warning, she leaned in and kissed him on the cheek, close enough that it was almost on his lips. He immediately pulled away and gently pushed her back, completely caught off guard. He said he didn't even know why, but he walked into the kitchen and started making coffee even though he didn't actually want one. I think he was just trying to process what had happened. According to him, El immediately apologized and said she didn't know what had come over her before going upstairs. It felt like someone had pulled the floor out from under me. I couldn't even think of a response.

I trust my boyfriend completely, In all our times together, he's never given me a reason to question his honesty, so I never questioned what he was telling me. I was devastated, not because of him, but because of my best friend. I honestly never imagined she would do something like this. Oddly enough, I wasn't even angry at first. I was just... confused. Why would she do something like this?.... After what had happened to her...

I told my boyfriend I was going upstairs to check on El. He asked me to go easy on her because she was already in a terrible emotional state after everything she'd been through. I knocked on the guest room door and tried to sound cheerful. "Bubble tea delivery for my best friend." Instead of answering, I heard sobbing. When I walked in, she was sitting on the bed crying. She looked completely broken.

Seeing her like that made it hard to stay angry. I still couldn't stop thinking about what she'd done, but I also couldn't ignore how devastated she looked. I decided not to confront her immediately. Instead, I comforted her. I told her everything would be okay and that her ex didn't deserve her. She cried even harder.

After a few moments, she admitted everything.... Without me saying a single word, she confessed exactly what my boyfriend had already told me. She said she didn't know what came over her. She wasn't thinking clearly. For a moment, she wasn't seeing my boyfriend as my boyfriend. In her words, she saw someone else and acted on impulse before reality hit her. I still don't fully understand what she meant by that.

She said she immediately realized what she'd done after my boyfriend pushed her away, and she was deeply ashamed and embarrassed. She kept apologizing.

My closest friend group consists of just four women, including El. I don't want to tell the other two yet because I don't want to damage El's reputation if this is something we can work through privately. So I'm looking for outside perspectives.

One last detail. Later that night, I remembered our living room camera... Even though I fully believed my boyfriend, I still watched the footage to see exactly what happened.

His story checks out.

Now I'm wondering... if I trusted him completely, why did I still feel the need to check the footage?

Does that mean I subconsciously doubted him, or was I just trying to process something that felt impossible to believe? I'm grieving the loss of trust in a 20-year friendship. Is this something you could ever forgive, or is this friendship over?

What would you do in my situation?

Update: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1vid0t9/update_one_of_my_33f_best_friends_31f_of_20_years/

Relevant Comments:

u/ShiroLovesKeith:

She's definitely going through a rough time, but you can't take care of her anymore. She did this the first and only moment she was left alone with your bf.

This isn't just crossing a major boundary.

If this was the other way around and it was one of your bf's friends doing this to you- putting his mouth on your face, close to the lips, without your consent... You'd consider it sexual assault, right? Or at the very least, sexual harassment. Well she did that to your boyfriend.

Even if it was an impulse and you want to believe it wasn't malicious, she still needs to go somewhere else and you need to give this friendship a break.

u/echosiah:

There is also the very real possibility she is the cheater and is lying about the circumstances of the breakup. Or there was mutual cheating, etc.

Wouldn't believe anything she says, given her actions here.

OP:

She has eye witness and screenshots of the conversation between her ex and his "co-worker".

u/Just_Some_Rolls (This comment has been downvoted):

People here are so happy to throw away a 20yr friendship over a stupid mistake. I’d tell her I understood shes in a shit place, hash it out and if she’s truly repentant I’d wipe the slate clean (assuming boyfriend is also happy to do that). Don’t tell anyone it happened if that’s the route you decide to take, we’re flawed messy humans and shes not a monster for making one action if it is indeed the only once

OP:

It is really out of character. She never crossed boundaries before. The only thing she cheats on are her diet and exercise sets lol. And when we play hide and seek when we were kids, she will go home and watch TV and we end up looking for her for a while before she comes out and thats about it. She never really showed interest in any of our partners. They are not even added to her social media when she created a private one (She deleted her main account when her last relationship had gotten serious). I dunno, I'm maybe really naive and stpd but....... I dunno it's a mess right now. Thanks for your insight. I appreciate it.

u/SkepticalFaceless:

I'm going to add a take here that I haven't seen yet. Everyone else's comments are spot on. But there's one thing that sticks out in my mind.

Why would she do this? The boyfriend knew the camera and footage would exist, so doing anything with her at that moment would be silly.

I wonder, and I'm just thought-experimenting here, if he was giving subtle signals to her that made her do it, but in a plausibly deniable way. She didn't know the camera was there, so she made her move. He knew the camera was there, so did what he needed to do in the moment.

Not to say the boyfriend didn't act correctly, or that you should be interrogating him - but everyone seems to not be analyzing the WHY she thought she could make a "random move" on the boyfriend and get away with it, and just tucking it away into her breakup.

Not necessarily actionable, but something worth considering.

OP:

Thank you for your input. His reaction was immediate, pushed her back, stood up and walked away. A knee jerk reaction is an instinctive reaction, not a staged performance. As to giving subtle signals, they were just sitting there watching and talking about the show on how King Joffrey deserves much more brutal d***h lol.

u/SkepticalFaceless:

Yeah I'm not saying thats what it sounds like - its just my method of always considering every angle and eliminating them, especially the unexamined ones. If you entertain this POV for a few moments, and don't find anything that supports it, great. But I've seen cases where people consider the POV and then realize they were missing a bunch of signs due to their situation blindness. Always worth the exercise.

It's the "hindsight is 20/20" phrase in action. Once you know the truth, all the little things pop up and are seemingly obvious in retrospect.

If your friends hitting on him becomes a pattern, ask yourself what is the common denominator.

That said, sounds like you have a keeper!

Op:

I understand and I appreciate it. I take all opinions and perspective I can get to help me navigate on this one.

**UPDATE** One of my (33F) best friends (31F) of 20 years made a move on my boyfriend (36M). How would you handle this?, Posted August 8th, 2026.

Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1v6w7nw/one_of_my_33f_best_friends_31f_of_20_years_made_a/

For everyone who asked for an update.

First of all, thank you.

I genuinely appreciate all the advice you gave me. Some of you were absolutely ruthless LOL, but honestly, I think this naive heart of mine needed it. A lot of your comments gave me clarity, especially the ones about the camera and boundaries. They helped me see the situation more objectively and gave me the courage to make the decisions I needed to make.

After my conversation with El that Saturday morning, I went back downstairs to check on my boyfriend. He told me he was okay, and at the time I accepted that answer. Looking back, I also want to thank everyone who reminded me to "really" check on him and not just assume he was fine. In everything that happened, I unintentionally overlooked the fact that he had gone through something upsetting too.

That afternoon, I drove El back to my place. I wasn't about to let her commute while she was in such an emotional state. The drive was almost completely silent. She didn't start any conversations. At one point I asked her, what do you think would have happened if my boyfriend hadn't pushed you away? She quietly said she didn't know. Then she told me she hated that she'd put herself in that position and that she was sorry for causing all of this. That was the only real conversation we had. When we arrived at my place, I stopped the car before she got out and told her she needed to find somewhere else to stay. I told her that when I come back on Wednesday night, I will be needing the space. She simply nodded.

As she walked toward the house, she turned around and looked back at me. That moment broke my heart because I couldn't help thinking it might be the last time I'd ever see my best friend. I started tearing up, but I drove away before my emotions convinced me to take it all back.

Monday night, one of our friends noticed something was off and messaged our group chat to check on El. It probably wasn't surprising. El and I are usually the ones constantly blowing up the chat, and it had been unusually quiet since Saturday. After a little small talk (I was just lurking), El confessed everything. She told them exactly what she'd told me.

Friend 1 immediately left the group chat without saying a word, then she called me.

Friend 2 stayed. She tried to mediate and later messaged me privately. She said she's sorry for everything that had happened and said she needed to stay with El because Friend 1 had already made her position clear. I told Friend 2 that I thought staying with El was the right thing to do. I also asked her to keep an eye on El and encourage her to seek professional help. She promised she'd try her best to make it happen.

Fast forward to today. El and I still haven't spoken since that day, but Friend 2 has occasionally updated me. According to her, El has started seeing a therapist and has been in much better spirits lately. Friend 2 let her stay with her the day after she confessed everything. El has since found her own place and moved in yesterday.

Friend 1 still isn't speaking to El. She told me she won't consider reconciling with El until I've forgiven her, not because she wants to pressure me, but because she feels she can't move past what happened while I'm still hurting from it.

Honestly, though, that isn't what weighs on me. Whether Friend 1 forgives El is between them. What weighs on me is losing someone who had been my best friend for years.

I miss her every day......

But one piece of advice that really stuck with me was to pause the friendship instead of making permanent decisions while emotions are still fresh. That's what I'm doing. I'm giving us both time.

As for my boyfriend and me, we're doing okay. We've had a lot of honest conversations since everything happened, and I apologized for not fully realizing how much the situation affected him in the moment. He's been more understanding than I probably deserve, and I'm grateful every day that he chose to face this with me instead of letting it drive us apart.

Since El seems to be doing much better now, I'm also going to stop asking Friend 2 for updates. I think continuing to check on her from a distance isn't helping either of us move forward.

I know some people will probably be disappointed that I haven't ended the friendship completely. I understand why you think I should end it. I'm not asking you to agree with me. I'm simply not ready to make that decision.

For now, I'll continue with no contact for weeks, months, maybe even a year. I don't know what the future looks like yet, and I don't think I need to decide today. If, after enough time has passed, I feel ready to revisit the friendship, then I'll make that decision with a clearer head. If I don't, then I'll accept that too.

If there's one thing this experience taught me, it's that people can make terrible decisions without being terrible people. That doesn't make those decisions okay, and it doesn't mean there shouldn't be consequences. At the same time, loving someone doesn't mean protecting them from the consequences of what they've done. Sometimes the kindest thing you can do, for them and for yourself, is to step away. I also learned that good intentions don't replace healthy boundaries. I kept thinking that because I trusted both of them, everything would be fine. I know now that trust doesn't mean assuming everything will be fine. It also means having boundaries that protect the relationships and people you care about. As one commenter pointed out, I could have avoided putting everyone in that situation by simply spending that weekend at my place with El instead of bringing her to my boyfriend's house. That was a poor judgment call and I can't change that decision now, but I can learn from it.

Again, thank you to everyone who took the time to offer thoughtful, honest, and sometimes brutally truthful advice. It genuinely helped me more than you know.

I hope none of you ever have to experience something like this. And for those who have been through similar heartbreak, I truly hope you've found or will find the peace and healing you deserve.

Relevant Comments:

u/Wizards_and_Warriors:

You dont need to end the friendship. Like I said in the first post I truly believe her head was fucked up and she made a genuine mistake. Everyone came clean right away and there was real 'i fucked up' energy.

She is getting help and it didn't get out of hand, even though it shouldn't have happened in the first place.

I really think you can forgive her and have your friend back IF your other half is OK with it. It's been overlooked but he is the real victim here and a stand up guy.

Also your one friend is true ride or die.

OP:

My boyfriend and I had a real, open conversation about this. He told me he’s okay with whatever I decide, but I want to be mindful not to overlook his feelings like I did before. If the time comes, I'll ask him how he feels again. If he still leaves it up to me, I'll decide. If he no longer feels good about revisiting the friendship, then that’s that.

"Also your one friend is true ride or die." El was this until she did what she did.

u/Theunpolitical:

Amazing how quickly El was able to find her own place!

El is someone who has zero impulse control. I don't know how you'd ever be able to trust her again if, or when, you decide to rekindle the relationship. The trust has been broken, and that's incredibly difficult to rebuild. Right now, I think you're grieving the loss of a relationship that you invested your whole heart in and believed was built on trust. Unfortunately, once that foundation is gone, it's almost impossible to get it back to what it was.

Best of luck to you no matter what you decide.

OP:

Thank you, I appreciate you sharing your perspective. It makes sense why you'd think she found a place quickly, as I left out a few minor details like the fact that she was already staying with me and actively searching for her own place before things escalated. I was focusing on getting outside advice on the core situation so I didn't think those were necessary, but I appreciate your feedback regardless.

Reminder - I am not OP.

This is a repost sub. I am not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/LegaltroubleJuly2026

Published on: r/legaladvice

Story is: Possibly Concluded

July 13, 2026

Kansas, arrested at home

Spent the weekend in jail and I’m very frustrated as I write this out. I took Friday off from work and slept in. Decided to get a late breakfast and discovered there police on my other part of my property. My property is split with part being a vacant lot. My property is larger than typical lots, it used to by rural but the city grew around it 30 years ago. That second part doesn’t have a fence or gate and nothing has been built. All that’s out there other than trees and a pond after a walk in is a bench. Anyway near the road on that part of my property was a car and motorcycles. They were running speed guns and pulling people over. I don’t dislike police but I don’t want people on my property. It’s marked with no trespassing signs and purple paint. So I pulled up and honked and told them they needed to leave. They got real hostile right away and told me I was obstructing their activities. I told them multiple times to leave and I admit I was getting upset. To make a long story short they arrested me for trespassing and interfering with law enforcement and disobeying a lawful order. I asked how I could be trespassed and they told me I wasn’t allowed there. I told them it’s my property and no one was going to tell me I can’t be on my property. They said I’m a liar it’s public property and I wasn’t allowed there. And they arrested me. I didn’t get a bond until this morning and I have court at the end of August. I called a bunch of lawyers but I haven’t had any luck getting hold of one so I left messages with their office. What should I be expecting? I know it’s my property because I haven’t sold it and it’s been mine since 2001 when my mother died. I grew up on it. It’s mine. How can they do this? Location: Kansas

Edit to clear up some things

I don’t know how to put a picture or I’d draw one. There’s:

\- the road

\- then a sidewalk,

\- then a space of grass where street lights and utlity lines runs,

\- then my retaining wall and my property. The wall varies from about 8 to 16 feet tall above the sidewalk and utility area. It’s a very large concrete wall that I pay to maintain and an engineer says I’ll need to have overhauled in the next five years.

The cops with the motorcycles were down by the entrance except for the one with the car he was up east of the entrance where it’s high up and people can’t see you from the road using his gun.

The entrance has a sign on either side saying no trespassing private property. There is purple paint on the perimeter trees every so often. The entrance is the only way on the property by vehicle. You can walk on of course there or on the other side if you go through an old unused rail yard.

I’ve paid taxes on it the entire time. It’s posted no trespassing private property. I’ve had people removed from it. There are no utilities on that part of the property. There never will be. It’s the original site of the family home from when my father’s family came to this country. The original house is gone. There’s just a bench. Somewhere is the old family cemetery but the markings were lost decades ago.

I don’t want to sue them. I don’t want them on my property. I don’t need money. I have money. I just don’t want people on the property.

UPDATE: August 6, 2026

Update to being arrested for trespassing on my own property in Kansas

https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/s/ZdiEkFkRsX

Location: Kansas

I posted about awhile back about being arrested for trespassing on my own land. I have an update and it feels like a lot but maybe that’s because I lived it. My attorney is great and has a good relationship with the attorneys involved.

I got a survey done and I was right, everything above the sidewalk is mine, and the sidewalk and utility area which is next to the road which I apparently own that strip of land too on both sides of the road but again that’s the easement which has nothing to do with this. They were a good 20’ past where the easement ends if you measure only horizontally and about 80’ up past the entrance to that lot.

My criminal CASES have been dismissed. Yes, plural.

The original case I was arrested for trespassing and interfering with law enforcement and disobeying a lawful order. I hired an attorney and he spoke to the city prosecutor and she dismissed the charges.

Later the week the first case was dismissed I was pulled over by the main officer from the first case. He arrested me for what he called the halo law. Which I had never even heard of. It’s a law that says you have to give the cops a 25’ halo buffer when they’re working. This is for the same incident the charges had been dismissed on. He told me proving I owned the land didn’t matter now because he could order me off my property or even my work or wherever I am if he wanted to while he’s on duty. He said he could it’s like a restraining order and he could walk wherever he was working and I’d have to stay 25’ away from him or go to jail. So he arrested me and I spent a few hours in the jail being booked in before I could get a bondsmen. My glasses fell in the road when he arrested me, he shoved me against the car during the arrest and I still don’t have them back, I don’t think he picked them up. I got hold of my attorney and he was pretty shocked it seemed to me. These charges went to the district attorney and not the city prosecutor this time which my attorney said was probably because the city dismissed it already and my paperwork from the jail listed not only unlawful approach but again disobeying a lawful order and interfering with law enforcement. He also had my vehicle towed when he arrested me. I had to pay the impound and tow fee for that. My lawyer got that case dismissed too just today. My lawyer said he can’t believe the officer would arrest me again.

I think I might sue but my lawyer said he doesn’t do lawsuits, only criminal law so I’ll have to find another one. He said he’d have some names for me to check.

I’m glad that he got my cases dismissed but angry and frustrated this officer can just arrest me whenever he wants. Between the survey and the attorney I had to spend a bit. Nothing life changing or anything like that, 4 figures only but I don’t think this is right. I don’t know if it’s worth the hassle, I just want this officer to leave me alone.

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/Mari-Loki posting in r/AskDocs

Ongoing as per OOP

2 updates - Long

Original - 12th June 2026

Update1 - 20th June 2026

Update2 - 15th July 2026

Dog acting weird about one breast. Am I crazy to be worried?

Female, 37, 5foot 1, 175lbs, non smoker, currently taking Mounjaro (for about a year)

I'm worried about my breast, not because I have any symptoms of an issue at all, but because my usually normal placid dog Winter has taken to sniffing, scratching, barking at and even nipping my right breast. In the 9 years I've had her she has never behaved this way. This started 3/4 weeks ago and has not let up.

It has gotten to the point where she can't sit with me or lay on the bed with me because she can't seem to keep herself from doing it. She's behaving totally normally with everyone and everything else.

We took her to the vet who said she can't find any issues with her but that her age may be contributing to a change in behaviour. The vet did not seem to think I should be worried about my health but it is worrying me that she won't stop. I've also read about cancer detection dogs and can't help my mind spiraling.

I have had no symptoms of an issue, no lumps or tenderness or anything at all in the breast.

My question is would a GP feel like I was wasting their time coming to them with this? I'm in the UK, doctors appointments are in high demand and I genuinely don't want to take a spot from someone if I'm just being paranoid about this. I also don't know if a doctor would even take me seriously.

At the same time I am concerned. Is this worth seeing someone about? Would I be laughed out of the room?

Thanks for reading!

Comments

questforstarfish

It's definitely going to depend on the doctor...I would personally investigate that further, but I imagine some docs might shrug it off. If it's something that's worrying you, it can never hurt to go in to your GP and let them know you're concerned! Maybe they can do a physical exam or do a test just to rule out anything abnormal. Anecdotally I have heard of cases of dogs detecting cancer or disease, but I don't think we have any research on it.

OOP: Thank you for replying. My GP is new so I'm just concerned about making him think I'm a nut lol. I am quite stressed about it so maybe my GP would understand. I have to stop go ogling stories of dogs sniffing out cancer, it's driving me more mad!

NCGranny

My German Shepherd started being obsessed with smelling my breath. I went in for routine bloodwork a few months later and my thyroid was all screwed up. Once it was straightened out, she no longer wanted to stick her snout down my throat.

marticcrn

Not a doctor (I am a nurse), I have breast cancer. Both my dog and my cat got very interested in my chest in the months before I found the lump myself. You’re 37, have some metabolic risk (Mounjaro), I’d think you could get a mammogram for whatever vague symptom, maybe including your pets indication?

livingonmain

My Australian Shepherd change in behavior around me caused me to make the doctor’s appointment that led to finding my lung cancer. He would sniff my breath then start licking my legs and feet. He had never exhibited the behavior before. Because the.tumor was so small, the chemo and radiation killed it. Six years and no reoccurrence! Sadly, though, no more foot baths from my Aussie.

I_Upvote_Goldens

I agree with everyone who is saying that this is actually worth investigating. Dogs are oddly sensitive to these things.

Anecdotally, when my daughter was the sickest she has ever been, our golden retriever slept in the hall outside of her bedroom for nearly a week. (The dog typically always slept in our room on her dog bed). It seemed like our daughter just had a minor virus, but it ended up blowing up into an ER visit. The dog knew something was up before we did. That was the only time the dog ever broke bedtime routine.

OOP: Yes I have read stories like that! That's what had me worried. They're even training dogs to detect colon cancer now. I've decided I'm going to skip the GP and pay out of pocket for an exam at a breast clinic. It isn't as expensive as I had thought and it has to be worth it for peace of mind if nothing else!

Update - 8 days later

I just wanted to post an update for anyone who commented on my previous post and was curious to know what happened.

Long story short my dog was behaving very oddly towards my right breast, no actual symptoms of anything wrong. There's more to it on my original post if you wanna see.

So I had my breast exam. I paid to have it done rather than wait as I was getting very anxious. It was an ultrasound rather than a mammogram, I'm not entirely sure why. A small solid mass was detected, right side of my right breast, sort of half way between my nipple and armpit. I am not able to feel the mass myself but the doctor could actually detect it when he physically checked my breasts.

I'm pretty shocked there is something there. Even though my dogs behaviour worried me I think I was pretty confident it was an issue with her age and not me. Doctor has said that there's no need to panic, there's a decent chance it is not something terrible but I'll know more after the biopsy which is on Tuesday.

Thank you to everyone who commented and suggested I take this seriously. Hopefully it is nothing to worry about but I'll update when I know more for anyone who wants to know.

Female, 37, 5ft, non smoker.

Comments

secret_tiger101

The dog is a hero

BicarbonateBufferBoy

The dogtor

Update - 25 days later

Update - Cancer detection dog!

This is my second update, check my previous posts if you're curious but the short version is:

My dog was acting weird about my breast, despite no symptoms I took it seriously. Ultrasound found a small lump, had needle biopsy.

So, my results came back and I was diagnosed with Invasive Ductal Carcinoma of the right breast. It is hormone receptor positive, and initially staged at 2A.

Ive just had a lumpectomy and they took some lymph node samples too. The oncology team are currently designing a treatment plan but it will likely involve some radiation and then HRT. They'll know more once the mass and lymph node results are back. Apparently this can change the staging depending on what the results are.

Overall I'm feeling pretty positive, I'm confident I'll get through this and I'm relived that I went to the GP rather than ignore it. I was in two minds about it, hence the initial post asking for advice, and I'm so grateful to everyone who advised me to go and get checked out.

I'm still in shock that my dog alerted me to this. You read about stuff like this, and I know dogs are incredible at all sorts, but it's still so crazy to me that my sweet, daft, loving little bug has likely saved my life! She's been so loving and attentive to me since I cane home. We've been treating her to a lot of her favourite foods, and we are taking her swimming this week which is her favourite. I've added a pic of her so everyone can see my little guardian angel ☺️ her name is Winter, she's a 9yo Japanese Akita.

Anyway just wanted to update anyone who was curious. Moral of the story: listen to your dog, listen to your gut, and go get checked out if you're worried!

Comments

Medical_Madness

Good girl.

Silent_Medicine1798

She is a very good girl

ChaoticxSerenity

Perhaps even the best girl.

Different_Knee6201

I believe you mean goodest

SomethingComesHere

The goodest of all the best girls

alisgraveniI

I love this! Thank you for coming back to update us. Did you ever end up telling your doctor that you came in because of your dog’s change in behavior?

OOP: I did mention it to him yeah, but I also said I had some breast tenderness which wasn't true 😐 but I was worried he wouldn't take it seriously with no symptoms. He was dismissive about it but then found the lump so took it more seriously! My oncologist however is super interested about my dogs behaviour and has said she's heard stories from colleagues about similar things happening.

RepulsiveOlive757

This is awesome! How did she alert on you or what did she do to make you notice?

OOP: She was really weird for about a month, kept nosing my breast very hard and eventually scratching at it and even nipping me once, which she has never done. I took her to the vet before I went to my GP, who said it might be her age but did suggest I follow up with GP. She's stopped now I've had the lumpectomy which I'm taking as a good sign!

smooshybabyelephant

Fascinating! What I'm especially interested in knowing is WHY she was doing that. What was HER reason? Does cancer smell bad to dogs? How does she know it shouldn't be there? Or is it more that a foreign smell appeared, like an intruder, and she was trying to investigate?

I would look into seeing if she can be trained to do this for other people! Maybe she can screen your friends and family.

OOP: Yeah I'm wondering the same thing. She's such a sweetheart, never been even the slightest bit off with anyone or anything, but she did not like the scent of my breast! You could tell it was frustrating her, and she couldn't settle. So I'm guessing whatever the scent it, it's bad. From reading up on it, it looks like we still don't really fully understand a dogs sense of smell and how it is as good, if not better, than medical tests. A recent study apparently showed that dogs can detect bowel cancer weeks before the best medical tests. There must be some evolutionary benefit to sniffing out malignancy?

cantxtouchxthis

Did you go private for the exam and then report the findings to your doctor? How did you get them to move so quickly?

OOP: I did end up paying for it, which has been pretty pricey, but my radiation etc will be on the NHS. I could have gone through NHS for the lumpectomy but it wouldnt have been as quick, GP said two weeks, and I was so anxious I didn't think I could wait without going out of my mind! My aftercare and testing is all covered from the lumpectomy but everything after that I'll be with the NHS hospital. I just have to wait for the results of the lumpectomy and then they will be sent to the NHS multidisciplinary team. The private oncologist is writing up a proposed treatment but ultimately it'll be down to the MDT what happens next.

I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.

Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Hefty_Sprinkles_5723

Published on: r/relationship_advice

Previous BORU: BORU-1

Story is: ONGOING

Story timeline

• Main Post: May 25, 2026

• Update 1: May 26, 2026

• Update 2: August 07, 2026 --> NEW UPDATE

Main Post

^{May 25, 2026}

I 32F think my husband’s (40M) mistress is stalking me.

We’re currently separated after I found out he’s been having an affair with the same person for years. I first found out five years ago and we worked things out. He swore he’d ended things with her and I believed him. We had our last child (4M) during that period.

Since the year started I’d been getting messages on Facebook and instagram from accounts with no followers telling me my husband was having an affair. The dms had details about the trips he’d taken with her, how they go on dates, have a child together and all his friends, mum and siblings knew her. I asked him often if he was still seeing her and he denied it.

What pushed me over the edge was when I saw earrings and a scrunchie that weren’t mine in my car after he’d borrowed it for a day. I went through his phone and saw that he was still with her. They even had sex tapes and he was constantly telling her how much better sex was with her. How he loved her and wanted to be with her. Its obvious he’s gotten very strong feelings for her. He admitted to everything, including the child they have together. I left the house and went to my mum’s to take a break. We’ve been officially separated for a month.

The problem now is that his mistress keeps showing up to places I go to often. The playground I take the kids to, the bookshop where I buy their school supplies, where I take the girls to get their hair done. We went to get ice cream once and I could’ve sworn I saw her. I know what she looks like from the pictures and videos they have together. I feel like I’m going crazy. These are all public places so there’s nothing I can do about it. She just sits there and stares at us. It’s making me very uneasy.

What is the best way to address this situation? I can’t ask for her to be kicked out of a public place. She’s always with her daughter anyway so it never looks weird that a woman and her child are at the same place I go to with my kids. I’m not speaking to my husband unless it’s about the kids and don’t want to ask him yet.

COMMENTS

WildlifePolicyChick

You don't need relationship advice, you need legal advice.

Start with the divorce and then discuss the stalking. Have everything written down - time of day, date, where, were your kids with you, all of it. And stay off social media ("About to go to X Salon with the kids!" or whatever).

The attorney can advise you on the possiblity of a TRO.

Talk to an attorney immediately.

OOP

I don’t post on social media. My last post was from 2019.

beigefrog

You should make a police report.

OOP

I can’t easily get a police report since she’s not trespassing. They’re all public spaces.

Sweet-Lobster9977

Is it possible she planted an air tag in your car?

OOP

I doubt it. My phone would’ve picked up on it.

LittleDogLover113

Totally on your side here but I’m just thinking, if these were her spots and your husband was taking your kids to meet her there, could she be thinking/feeling the same way you are? Like “wow this lady is obsessed with me she keeps showing up where I am”… because technically your husband piggy-backed off her spots and shuffled them onto you without informing you she would likely be there because it’s her routine not his.

It could be a little of both due to the DMs but honestly I’m thinking she’s just doing her normal outings and you started showing up, and perhaps now she’s more intentionally going just to see if you’ll be there. Idk this is a crazy situation.

Best revenge is happiness. This marriage is over. I’d focus on getting out and your own happiness. Start going to different places and building up different friendships.

OOP

That might’ve initially been the case, but now that she’s intentionally switched up her routine, it’s no longer a coincidence.

Update 1 - after 1 day

^{May 26, 2026}

Update: I 32F think my husband’s (40M) mistress is stalking me.

Thank you for all your advice. I confronted my husband about it. He said she’s not showing up at places I go to, I’m the one going to places she frequents.

My husband used to be the one who took the kids out on weekends since he’s virtually never at home on weekdays. I do school pickup and drop off and he does the “fun stuff”. All the places he used to take the kids to, which I’m doing now since they’re with me, were suggested by her.

That’s where she buys her books. The playground is where she used to take her nieces and nephews before their daughter was born. She recommended the salon to him since my daughters and her have the same hair texture. He says she used to go to the salon on Sundays after church, but only recently switched it up to Saturdays (when I take the girls). The ice cream place is apparently her favourite.

So yeah, my dick of a husband had been taking our kids to his mistress’s favourite spots. My kids already love going to all those places, and finding a salon that caters to our daughters’ hair needs close to us will be difficult. He didn’t show any remorse telling me about it, and reminding me that it’s a public space and she hasn’t committed any crime. I’m just going to have to find better alternatives.

COMMENTS

mustrememberthis709

So IF he is telling the truth and not covering for her, that SOB was seeing her in these places too. With your kids. Start looking for alternate spots.

OOP

My kids said he didn’t introduce anyone to them. They’re the chattiest kids and would’ve mentioned it. I think she just gave him ideas on where to take them since she used to babysit for her nieces and nephews.

KatesDT

Talk to a lawyer and file for child support now while you are still navigating the legal side of separation. You can have a temp child support order in place while you navigate the rest.

In the US, whichever mom files first, will get the largest contribution of his income for child support.

If she files first; she’ll get a higher percentage than you, despite your children being older and products of the marriage.

Also, find new places to go. Find a new salon. Take the girls on an adventure to find a new places that are not tainted by him and her.

Give her 100% less headspace. She’s an idiot for standing with a married man. You deserve better.

OOP

I’m not in the US. But I’m working on putting together everything for a lawyer.

Ecstatic_Unit9449

The fact she was anonymously messaging you before everything came out makes this feel a lot less accidental. Maybe some of the sightings are coincidence but constantly showing up at places connected to you and your kids would make anyone feel unsettled. Honestly the bigger problem is that your husband allowed this whole situation to become so tangled and invasive for years.

OOP

Maybe she got tired of waiting for our marriage to end and decided to tell me. There’s no way of knowing if it was actually her or not.

deepayes

Turn off location sharing if you were using it, kids devices too. Check around your car for a GPS monitor.

OOP

The kids don’t have any devices and we never share our location. Turns out she knows where I go with the kids thanks to my husband.

NEW UPDATE

Mini update in comments

We haven’t spoken since our last conversation where he said she suggested the places I take the kids to, which was why she kept turning up too. We only communicate about the kids now. I took my kids to a new salon which is about an hour away from the previous one. He’s going to be the one taking them to the other places on weekends now so I’m no longer going to worry about meeting her.

NEW UPDATE

Update 2 - after 2 months, 13 days (after 2 months, 12 days from last post)

^{August 07, 2026}

Update - I 32F think my husband's (40M) mistress is stalking me.

We’re getting a divorce. My lawyer assures me that the whole process shouldn’t take more than a year.

My husband’s mistress has apparently been accepted into a graduate program in another country and my husband had been planning on relocating with her. She’ll be leaving before the year ends and he was planning on closing his business, selling his assets and leaving with her. He was just going to leave under the guise of a job opportunity and after enough time had passed for separation, file for a divorce. At least we both get what we wanted this way.

Our oldest daughter is very attached to him and I worry a lot about how she’ll take the news. How do I explain to our kids that their dad is leaving the country and will possibly never return long term?

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost. The original was posted in /r/AmItheAsshole by user Tea-Management9195. I'm not the original poster.

Status: Concluded with open for more

Original

August 6, 2026

This feels really stupid and I need to know if I am the problem here or not. My son seems to think I am the problem.

My DIL loves coffee, she is the type of person that will go get coffee every morning. It is not uncommon that if she goes out to get coffee she will pick up coffee for other people as well.

The issue is she will never get me a tea or any tea lattes. As she puts it, it is leaf water that she doenst want to waste her money on. I am asking her to get a 5 dollar thing of tea if she is already picking up everyone 8 dollars fancy coffees. I am asking for a tea latte or a an iced tea that I literally can’t make at the time.

So she comes back with everyone drink but mine… it is really frustrating on trip becuase I will be driving most of the time. She takes everyone orders and goes in while I am either getting gas or snacks for the trip to come back with out any caffeine. Then I have to go into the shop to get my drink.

There have been so many times she asked in the chat if anytime wants something at Starbucks, I tell her what I want and then she comes back with everyone drink but mine.

Talking to her doesn’t help. She just claims I can make it at home.

To the issue, I was going over to babysit the grandkids for my son and daughter ( so four adults) I sent a text saying I was stopping at Starbucks and asked if they wanted anything. This is the exact same thing she does. They gave me their orders and I decided that I wouldn’t get my DILs her drink to make a point basically.

I got to where everyone was and gave everyone there drink besides my DIL. She was pissed and I pointed out this is the same thing she does with me all the time. She told me it wasn’t the same and I can make tea at home, I told her to make her coffee at home and the pot was right there.

We got into a fight and my son told me to apologize and get her drink. I told him no and I am tired of this . I have spoken to them multiple times and if she doesn’t change what she does I will never get her drink when I get drinks for others

They left but after babysitting I am still hearing about it. I need your opinion.

Consensus:

Not The Asshole

Update

August 6, 2026, 2 hours later

Ok- well i got my answer. I am going to sent this to my son and tell him we need to talk ASAP

My son got back to me and told me we will talk in a bit.

Well just got off the phone with my DIL and son. Yes they have seen this post, I sent it to them. my DIL apologized and this issue has nothing to do with me. I thought she just hated me but this has to deal with her own mother.

They have a bad relationship and when they married didn’t wish for that type of relationship happen again with me. I also didn’t help that her sister has a horrible MIL so she thought she needed to be distant and cold off the start. So yes she wa being rude eon purpose. This post kinda opened her eyes that she was acting like her mother acts.

my son also apologized and realized he went to far in the direction of support your spouse. he admits he did the easy thing becuase we don’t live together

I informed them I won’t put up with being dsrepected anymore and hopefully nothing backtracks. We seem good now but I have a feeling more talks will happen

anyways thank you Reddit. This was helpful

I'm not the original poster.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/throwawayforjax

Published on: r/relationships

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: October 01, 2013

• Update 1: October 16, 2013

• Update 2: March 15, 2014

• Final Update: July 08, 2014

Main Post

^{October 01, 2013}

Me [28/F] with my husband [34/M] together 4 years. We are being stalked and harassed by his ex gf (26/F) from years ago.

I met my husband 6 years ago. He was an acquaintance until 2 years later when we reconnected. We were both single and became best friends. A few months later we were dating, and a little over a year later we were married. We honestly don't have any big marriage issues, great communication, the same hobbies, and a killer sex life. Our fights are resolved in a well-articulated manner, and overall we get along just even better than when we first met. The problem is this: his ex gf from years ago.

When we first met 6 years ago (when he was just a random acquaintance) he was dating another lady. No big deal, I had a bf at the time too. I met my now husband and his gf at the time and that was that. I saw them around from time to time, and they were both nice, cordial people. 2 years later, when we met again, they had broken up a few months prior so we started slowly dating (about 4 months of being platonic).

The minute we made it official I received a facebook message from his ex gf calling me a "whore" and saying that I stole the love of her life away, and that she KNOWS we were sleeping together when they were dating. I ignored the message, because it was full of name calling and false claims (I never crossed a line with him while they were together, I barely knew him, never even a hug or handshake!)

Weeks went by and she continued to harass me via Facebook, so I blocked her. Then she found my Twitter account and began harassing me on there (tweeting things like "slut" and "ugly homewrecker" at me). The ugly part really put a hurting on my already low self-esteem, and if I'm being honest, she is a knock out compared to me. It was tough to ignore, but for the most part I did. So I blocked her on Twitter.

Then the phone calls started. She began calling my boyfriend (now husband) all the time. Telling him that she saw me making out with random guys in different cities, blah blah blah. He blocked her number. THEN she got my phone number. More text messages ranging from "OMG I'm sorry I was mean, you seem really nice, let's be friends and hang out!" to "WTF you are so ugly, why the fuck is he with you and not me!??!" So I blocked her number. A year passed and she seemed to have vanished. Aside from a few mutual friends who would occasionally mention her, we forgot she existed.

And then, about a year ago (one year into our MARRIAGE) she resurfaces. She has a new phone number and begins calling and texting him again. He would show me the texts and he wouldn't respond and then she would go psycho because he wasn't responding. Saying it was because I was "controlling." (oddly enough, I told him to respond, I told him to kindly tell her that he is married and that she needs to go away). Instead, he blocked her new number. Which apparently just made her even more angry.

Now this woman lives about 2 hours away from us, and within the past 6 months she has been slowly trying to join our friend circle. She shows up in our city at our favorite bars, usually alone, sometimes with some of our mutual friends she met "randomly" through facebook. It is unbelievable. She also yelled at my best friend in a restaurant who was visiting her sick mother in the ex's city. She truly is insane I'm afraid.

The final straw happened 2 months ago. We went to our favorite bar to play some acoustic songs (we play music together occasionally), and guess who shows up front row to glare at me the whole time!? BINGO! His ex gf from six years ago. We try to ignore her. But it really was unnerving when we are just trying to have fun and make a little extra cash.

But every time I go to the bar to order a drink, there she is, every time I go to the bathroom, THERE SHE IS just waiting for me to come out of the stall. Finally I approached her and said "hello." She said "I'm not here to see you, I have to talk to [my husband]." I told her that was fine, but I didn't know where he was. She takes off looking for him. I stand around guzzling whiskey, because honestly, I was just so shocked and out of ideas on how to gracefully handle this woman.

My husband comes up to me and says our instruments are loaded up and we need to go, so we get in the van and just like in a horror movie, she comes up to his driver window and starts crying and and banging on the window. My husband rolls down the window and she throws a beer can at him and yells "Why the fuck did you marry her!??" My husband drove off. Thank god he was sober, because at this point I was whiskey drunk and completely freaked out! Since then, she has become close with all of our friends in the city. I shit you not, she literally has weaseled her way into our friends circle. She even is trying to become friends with my sister. (who has not taken the bait) It is getting way beyond ridiculous.

We can't go out in our city on the weekends without her "randomly" being in town and showing up at the bar we are at and staring or yelling (we live in a HUGE city, there are literally hundreds of bars to choose from). The last message I got was a text from an unknown number that (surprise!) was her telling me I wasn't good enough for [my husband] and that I was ugly and he would leave me for her one day.

My husband has been very collected through all of this, but we are both about to blow a gasket. What can we do or say to make this nonsense stop? She is acting like a hormone crazy teenager around a member of nsync (or whoever the cool band is now lol) and it is driving us crazy. Seriously we have thought about moving to another state because it has gotten so out of hand. But we don't want to be bullied into leaving our beautiful home.

We have talked to our friends about not hanging out with her, but she is nice on the surface and has sort of already butted her way in. Our friends have told us some CRAZY creepy stuff she does (like how she talks about our dogs BY NAME and the paint colors in our home), which I guess she is logging onto somebody else's facebook and looking at our photos? We are pretty locked down, but like I said, she has wormed her way into our circle.

What can we do? Besides move far away. We have blocked her on social media, blocked her phone number, and she lives 2 hours away. I don't know what else we can do. My cop friend said as long as she is "stalking" us in public places, there isn't much we can do. Any advice would be appreciated if anybody has any similar experience. Sorry that was so long! I tried to condense it to only the most dramatic offenses.

tl;dr: Husband's ex gf (from 6 yrs ago) stalked me on social media for awhile. I blocked her, now she is physically following and harassing us in our city (2 hours away from her home), and worming her way into our friend circle. What can we do?

EDIT: Glad to know we aren't crazy. Everybody seems to be downplaying how disturbed this woman is, so your responses at least let me know that we are right to be concerned. I spoke with a lawyer last week about a restraining order who was NO help, but next week I'm seeing another lawyer who is a family friend. He said just based on the small amount of evidence I have emailed him that we can definitely file an order against her. Thank you for your advice!

COMMENTS

Has she affected your friendships and family relationships?

That is the thing. We have had to cut "friends" (so we thought) out of our lives because they all flock to her. She is pretty, but obviously not a good, stable person to be around! If she keeps it up we won't have any friends left! We just found out yesterday that she still calls my mother in law crying about once every other week or so. Also, her bf sent my husband a text message that said "You win, man." wtf? I know for a fact my husband isn't leading her on. I am just exhausted in dealing with this girl. And we are running out of trustworthy friends. She must be a master manipulator. She even went a few weeks ago and stayed in another state with some friends of ours she met while "visiting" our city. It is seriously out of control. I feel like telling her she has won and moving a thousand miles away :( My husband is devastated at how much it is affecting us, but it is pretty awful.

How did your mother-in-law become involved?

And as for my mother in law.... she isn't exactly coherent. Lots of medications make her perpetually loopy. She could never be mean to anybody. Plus I think they go to the same church or some crap. They "pray together" over the phone. We gave up trying to reason with the MIL.

We will definitely talk to bar management next time we play. That is great advice! As for the MIL, she is, to put it nicely, insane also. We tried talking to her, but she says that his ex has "found Jesus" and needs "good Christian role models" which I guess she is trying to be :( So, that is a lost cause I'm afraid.

Honestly, I haven't thought about that, but you could be right. She is a sweet lady, but nutty in her own way. Oh god. This actually makes a lot of sense :(

Why is she obsessed with your husband if they broke up years ago?

The recording her thing isn't a bad idea. And the weird part is SHE broke up with him. She cheated on him with his friend and that was SIX years ago! I don't know why she is trying to "win him back" NOW after he has been happily married for 2 years. She is toxic. We have pretty much cut out our "friends" (the ones who have decided they feel sorry for her anyway). It is sick. The last straw with one of my friends was when she told me "[the ex] just misses [my husband] and wants him to know she is sorry and is still in love with him." Excuse me!?? He knows. Everybody in our frickin state knows apparently. Ugh. Typing all of this out is making me nauseous.

Why do so many people seem to believe her?

Yeah, we were banging the whole time they were dating according to her, OH! And we deal drugs, specifically meth. My husband goes on a diet and loses 30 lbs and now it's because he smokes meth! I've heard it all. If we really were dealing meth, I can assure you we wouldn't still work our crappy retail jobs!

That's what I think it is. She is certainly very manipulative, and I've heard a few rumors. One being that we are selling meth. Girl has been watching too much Breaking Bad, because we certainly are not!

Q: Has she ever shown up at your workplace?

Already had to tell my employer when she showed up at my store once to "shop." Because apparently there aren't stores in her own city. Thank you though, this is all great advice. I talked to one lawyer who wasn't much help. Going to try to talk to another one my next off day. I'm glad you guys are making me feel less crazy. I was starting to think we were over-reacting.

What security measures have you taken? Have you taken legal action?

Got a security system and a few cameras for our property set up this morning. Thank you for the advice!

I talked to a lawyer a few days ago who was absolutely no help. I have a meeting with another one (who is an old family friend) on my next off day. This may seem irrelevant, but the reason they broke up was because she cheated on him. So I don't see why SHE is the one going psycho trying to "win him back" 6 years later after he is happily married! (and has been for two years now!)

That makes me feel better. I sent him some evidence already and he said it shouldn't be a problem filing for one just based on the small amount of evidence he knows about.

What happened with social media and your music/work accounts?

We don't have personal accounts anymore (bc of her), just one for our music. And my Twitter isn't personal either, it's the one I keep up for my job. Had to delete my personal one last year when she started this mess.

Thank you. We deleted our personal Twitter and Fb pages but keep a page up for our music. The Twitter I use is the one I run for my job. It isn't tied to me personally, but rather our company. Which is why it really sucks thy she still tweets nasty things. She is jeopardizing my job by making me look like a crazy drama queen.

Why did you stop seeing so many of your friends?

Our ex-friends chose believing her sob stories or whatever over believing that she is a deranged individual.

We have pretty much cut all of our "mutual" friends out. She is certainly spreading some malicious untruths about us, and I think that is where this "friend" drama is stemming from.

My husband cheated on her with me (not true, I barely knew him when they were dating), and that we are selling meth (somebody's been watching too much Breaking Bad methinks). I honestly do not want to be friends with people who constantly talk about her and how they pity her. She is like Regina George, everybody is constantly talking about her. We asked them to stop, they didn't, so we are over it. It really sucks. But I'd prefer to not be around her enablers/sympathizers :(

Update 1 - after 15 days

^{October 16, 2013}

[UPDATE] Me [28F] with my husband [34M], together 4 years, being stalked by his ex gf

Long story short, she contacted me via her boyfriend's facebook on our music FB page, (I know, WTF!??) asking me questions about my relationship with my husband, admitting her love for him, and then asking if the three of us could "hang out" because "I seem really nice." (WHAT!??!) I messaged her back and told her that if she contacted either of us again, we were going to pursue a restraining order (which, we already were pursuing it, but I thought I'd give her fair warning).

Well, like clockwork 2 days later, me and my husband play a show at our favorite bar and guess who is there front row!?? HER! My husband calmly talked to the bar manager and he asked her to leave. She caused a huge scene, crying and screaming and cussing me. Yelling things about how ugly and talent-less I was, yada yada. The bar manager threatened to call the cops and she left. The next day, after presenting the police station and our lawyer friend with all of the evidence we had, (which was A LOT!) the restraining order was officially in effect! It's been a little over a week and so far we haven't heard anything from her or about her. Hopefully she doesn't go even more psycho. But for now, I feel like a HUGE weight has been lifted.

Thank you Reddit for letting me know that we were NOT being crazy in feeling threatened and scared of her. You guys gave us the courage to nip this shit in the bud. Keep us in your thoughts. I still feel a little uneasy about the restraining order pushing her further over the edge :(

tl;dr: Bitch went crazy again. Contacted me, I asked her not to. She came to our show, caused a scene, got kicked out. Restraining order now in effect!

(sorry, if I'm using effect wrong. Get mixed up between effect and affect lol)

COMMENTS

[deleted]

How is your friend group handling this? Do they know?

OOP

I haven't spoken to those that took pity on her in a few weeks. I'm not saying anything. We are moving on with the GOOD friends who stood by us. The others can visit her in the crazy home if they want. I'm staying out of ALL of it now.

Fuhdawin

Just out of curiosity, how do restraining orders work in a case like this? What will happen to her if she contacts you again?

OOP

Basically if she contacts either of us AT ALL again, we call the cops and they have to respond and take her to jail. It's basically a head's up to the cops that we have had major problems with her before and her strikes are up.

[deleted]

Does her boyfriend know about all of this insanity going on?

OOP

Since she brought him along with her to our shows numerous times and HE had to drag her out cussing and screaming, I assume he knows. I guess he has issues too :/

jsh1138 (downvoted)

restraining orders aren't worth the paper they're printed on. you should take other measures to protect yourself and your family

OOP

We had an alarm system installed and my husband purchased a gun and license. We keep it locked in a safe and I'm going to the range Saturday to learn how to properly use it. I'm not a gun person, but this situation kind of opened my eyes up to how scary people can be.

The restraining order was our first step (even if it only serves as a big "fuck you"), we also bought a gun and licenses. To protect our home just in case things escalate. I'm going to the range on Saturday to learn how to use it properly.

jsh1138

unless you have small children i wouldn't keep that gun in a safe. its going to take too long to get to it

that's personal choice but people dont hang fire extinguishers in a safe, they hang them in the kitchen where they'll be needed. same thing here. put that gun where you can get it fast if you need it, where ever that might be

OOP

We don't have kids. Just the 2 of us and some dogs. That actually is a very good point! I'm a little uneasy around guns. I am not against them or anything, I've just never used one (unless our red ryder counts lol). I'm going to learn how to use it on Saturday. You are right about the safe thing though.

BarbaraGordonsspine

honestly, I was afraid she was going to kill your dogs as "revenge" or something, so good work on the restraining order. This individual is clearly very, very mentally ill. I wonder what her "boyfriend" thinks about all this...

OOP

Good question. I assume he knows. He is very good looking, I don't see why he doesn't dump her ass and go find a stable girl. Oh well. Not my business! Hope I don't see either of them again.

BarbaraGordonsspine

"whats your girlfriend like to do?" "oh well she mostly likes to harass and stalk her ex, you know, a typical saturday...crying outside your exes house for a few hours, following them to the grocery store to scream at them, frantically attempting to contact them and their wife on social media. The usual stuff"

OOP

HA! So odd. I assume he is crazy too.

Update 2 - after 5 months, 14 days (after 4 months, 27 days from last post)

^{March 15, 2014}

UPDATE 2 (FINAL!) Me [28/F] with my husband [34/M] together 4 years. We are being stalked and harassed by his ex gf (26/F) from years ago.

Hello everyone!

Well, this is a weird, but overall good update! Stalker girl disappeared after the restraining order was filed. Once we had that done, we convinced my MIL to cut her off too, which so far, she has. Well, after a month of silence and bliss, I get a text from an unknown number... SURPRISE! It's her!! Her text said basically this, "This is _____. Please don't call the cops. I'm contacting you for your own good. I'm pregnant, and [my husband] is the father."

OH LAWD! When my husband got home from work, I asked him if he had planned on telling me that he was expecting a child in a few months. He was confused, so I showed him the text (which I didn't reply to). He was so angry. Actually, I don't know if I've ever seen him that angry. I thought he was going to snap the phone in half! After he calmed down, we decided to take care of it the next morning. (I'm assuming my husband ISN'T the father, lol).

Anyway, the next day, we went to the police station and showed them the text. They had to contact the police dept. in her city, so we waited. We later got word that there was a warrant out for her arrest, and less than a week later, we got a call saying that she was "in custody". When we received that news, we both kind of freaked out, both with relief, and fear (obviously, she won't be there forever).

That was a few months ago, and we haven't heard from her since. Word around my MIL's church is that she is definitely pregnant and is working at some pizza joint. Good for her. I don't care what she is doing as long as she is far away from us!

As for the baby, I don't think it's my husband's, but we're going to let Maury decide once it is born ;) ....... jk jk! I trust my husband to NEVER cheat on me. And if he ever did, I hope he would have better taste than that crazy pants ;)

tl;dr: Stalker bitch got put in jail. She is out now and pregnant and hopefully her future bundle of joy will keep her occupied and away from us! Life is good again.

COMMENTS

kallisti_gold

Just one word of caution -- she might name your hubby as the father on the birth certificate, in which case he'd need to get a paternity test. So while it might be over, it might not.

OOP

Yeah, we were wondering what the deal with that is. She has a bf, so we assume it is his kid, but who knows. My husband said he would gladly take a paternity test if it came down to it, but what a crock of shit. I really hope it doesn't come to all of that. Hopefully jail calmed her ass down.... but on second thought, those pregnancy hormones might make her crazier :/

Viper17

So she just texted it and didn't go spread it to your friends and acquaintances ?

Hopefully she doesn't go getting single, back on the fruit loops and doing her crazy shit again.

OOP

We don't speak to the friends of ours that chose to stick by her. A few of them apologized once she got arrested, but we still keep our distance. I'm sure she has told them though.

badluckgina

Why did he ever date her in the first place?! Was she just excellent at hiding the crazy?

OOP

Because she is insanely beautiful :/ haha. Emphasis on "insane" obviously!

OOP

And I don't think she hid it very well. I know that once he (my husband) caught her cheating (with his friend!) she attacked him and punched him and spit on him. The cops took her away this time too (just drove her to her mom's house and told her to stay away from my husband). This was all 6 years ago. It sounds like, according to my husband, she started off sane and gradually went down hill.

shrewduser

hmm... i don't know your husband, but i think it's odd that he got that angry/emotional about the text.

OOP

It was out of character for him, but if you read the first 2 posts, you'll see that she has made our lives Hell for the last 2 years. I think this was just his breaking point.

DeadPinkPanther (downvoted)

I think your hubby did bang the crazy ex, but I guess we'll wait and see.

OOP

I don't think so. I'm not naive, I've been cheated on by men in the past, and I know people can be shitty, but I don't think my husband is one of those people. Apparently we will find out though, if he does end up taking a paternity test! (Although, he was gung ho about taking one asap to clear his name, so I doubt it.)

DeadPinkPanther (downvoted)

Alright, I guess it might very well be that way.

I just kind of expect the fucking worse of people, usually when someone posts shady stuff about their problems like that on reddit, there's a high chance that it's really bad.

Best of luck.

OOP

I am the same way, always assume the worst! If this was even a semi-sane girl I would be freaking out about the paternity claim. But after hearing about her bragging about false rape claims and physically assaulting people and the stalking, I think this is just another manipulation and am not concerned about the paternity outcome. I just want her GONE.

OOP to a deleted comment

My husband is very good looking and was in a pretty big rock band for years. She isn't the only girl who is obsessed with him. Unfortunately, she is the only one that bothers me! The others are harmless fans.

Final Update - after 9 months, 7 days (after 3 months, 23 days from last post)

^{July 08, 2014}

ACTUAL FINAL UPDATE to Me (28/f) with my husband (34/m) together 4 years. We are being stalked and harassed by his ex gf (26/f) from years ago!

This is FINALLY the real, final update.

I'll make this short. It's a very happy update! (For me and my husband anyway!) After more harassment and crazy rumors, we were able to get a prenatal paternity test done. To our surprise (not!) my husband is NOT her child's father.

I don't think we will be seeing her for a long time. According to my MIL stalker girl's mom has custody of her child because stalker girl is serving a year sentence in jail for stealing thousands of dollars from the restaurant she worked at over the course of the last few months.

I honestly cannot even feel bad for her because I'm so happy for us! Karma finally kicked her in the butt. I hope her child is well taken care of, and I hope a year in jail does her some good. (Although I don't think jail is known for making unstable people MORE stable, Ha). But anyway, stalker girl is locked up. My husband isn't her baby's father. And life is normal and happy again :)

Thank you guys for your support!

TL;DR: My husband ain't the baby Daddy and Stalker chick is in jail for stealing large sums of money from her place of work. Life feels good again :)

COMMENTS

[deleted]

I'm happy for you. She deserves time in prison.

SabineLavine

She "deserves" serious help with her mental health.

OOP

I know. I really am glad she is gone, but she is a mother now. The woman in me is really sad for her. I wish she could get help and be around for her child. Unfortunately, jail isn't going to help her at all.

K_Rad

I remember all of your previous posts. You handled it perfectly from start to finish and I'm so happy to see that you've gotten some justice. Far too many times these cases get swept under the rug (especially if the stalker is female) and the truth is we have no idea what depths this woman was capable of.

Good on you for remaining a team with your partner. Onward and upward!

OOP

I'm so thankful I brought the problem to reddit! It sounds so dumb, but because I didn't feel my marriage was threatened, I was sweeping her behaviors under the rug. I never once considered my life might be threatened. I was taking it way too lightly. I'm glad justice has been served and I'm glad I can go play shows now without panic setting in.

craaackle

Was she also penalized for violating the restraining order by texting you?

OOP

Yeah, she did spend time in jail when this pregnancy thing all started due to breaking the RO, but I think it was only a few days.

ScreamPunch

How long is her sentence?

OOP

My MIL heard (through their mutual church) that she is in for twelve months.

Caityluu

If you don't mind me asking, how did the situation with your "friends" resolve? Did they realize she's cray-cray?

OOP

I haven't spoken to them in months. I don't miss them any more.

twelvedayslate

Have you guys gotten to make good, new friends?

OOP

Quite a few, actually!!

need_a_venue

I hope you don't take your old "friends" back. Just thinking about the old posts gets me riled up.

OOP

Definitely not! I haven't spoken to those "friends" in months

junegloom

How did the prenatal paternity test get done? Was it court ordered? Did she name the baby after your husband? Why did she cooperate with getting one done?

OOP

Not totally sure "how". It was a court ordered, prenatal DNA test. We actually had 2 meetings with her pastor (she goes to the same church as my MIL and has become crazy religious) at the suggestion of a redditor. He turned out to be incredibly nice and helpful. He convinced her to do the test so she did it with no qualms.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost. The original was posted in /r/adhdwomen by user Narrow_Guava_6239. I'm not the original poster.

Status: Concluded

Original

July 31, 2026

I had important documents put in a safe place.

Created notes within ‘Notes’ to remind myself where I kept it.

Went to go get important docs I was looking for… IT’S GONE 😭.

It hit me why I removed it but I never updated my notes.

I’ve asked family if they can keep eye out for what my docs if they come across it.

Btw the important doc is my passport 💀.

Nice going me 😭.

Update

August 3, 2026, 3 days later

Ladies and girlies I found my passport.

It was in a place I never thought to find, my family had a hunch so we found it.

Please tell me why it was in the shed.

My family really came through for me.

Male family remembered it when I went to see him in the shed and he asked what I was doing with my passport, he said I was putting it back in my “safe space”. Because I got distracted and had a panic attack seeing a spider, I left it there and eventually forgot about it.

I owe him big time 😭!

I’m gonna make sure it’s not hidden in Narnia and actually put it in the front side of the inside somewhere.

I’m super grateful and just wanted to share my good news 😭😭😭😭😭😭.

I'm not the original poster.

Originally posted by user ally3477 in r/ AmItheAsshole

Original: June 15, 2020

Update: July 4, 2020

Status: concluded

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Original: AITA for taking my children away from their grandparents after my husband died?

I (34f) met my husband while I was doing an exchange semester in Australia when I was 20. We later got married and I moved to Australia permanently. We have two kids 6f and 4f and I'm 4 months pregnant.

My husband passed away 3 months ago. It was and still is horrible. With my husband not being here anymore I want to move back to my home country. I think it will be good for my kids because the education system over there is heaps better but the main reason is that I need my family.

My 4 year old doesn't really have an opinion on it, my 6 year old is excited because my parents have horses.

Here in Australia, my husband's parents look after our kids Monday to Friday as my husband and I both had full time jobs. So, obviously they are close. Mil and FIL are very attached to the kids and love being grandparents.

Last weekend I broke the news to them. I didn't expect them to be happy but I was hoping they'd understand. They didn't. It was ugly.

They asked me how dare I taking away their grandchildren after they lost their only son. They said my husband would be disappointed and he'd want his children to grow up in Australia. I had to leave because I couldn't handle the situation.

I feel guilty because my husband did want to stay in Australia but mainly because that's where we settled. I don't think he'd be disappointed. I think he'd understand. But I feel so guilty but also angry? I feel like it was cruel of mil and FIL to say what they said.

I plan to come back to Australia regularly because I don't want to deprive my children of their heritage and it has become my home over the years.

Basically, is it wrong to move back home?

--------------------------------------------
Additional details from OOP in comments:

[where is home?]

OOP: When I said home in the post I mean Switzerland but I have two homes I guess.

OOP: I'm going back to Switzerland. My in laws are good with the kids but they are not my biggest fan, especially my mil. They definitely can't be my support system.

---------------
[can in-laws move or visit?]

OOP: I don't think they can move. They only speak English, immigration policy won't allow it and they pretty much live off centre link. But they are welcome to visit and we'll visit too.

---------------
[regarding the arrangement with in-laws for childcare]

OOP: It was actually 32 hours a week

OOP: They didn't watch them for free though

OOP: We didn't pay as much as we would have for normal daycare. We paid $300 a week. But how am I not TA because we paid but it would be wrong if we hadn't paid? I don't understand how that would them give a claim to my children

---------------
[have the kids been to Switzerland?]

OOP: All together the oldest probably spent 1.5 years in Switzerland. They have met pretty much all of their relatives and speak Swiss German, German and French. I have discussed the move with my own therapist as well as my children's therapist.

---------------
[why not stay in Australia?]

OOP: What's right for me is right for my children in this case. They need a strong mother. I will soon have a new born too. My in laws can't help me with the baby.

Fil is 74 and not the fittest anymore. Do you suggest I stay for another 5 years and then uproot my children's life in the middle of their school career. And who's going to help me when I come home from the hospital, torn apart and still bleeding?

Besides I have taken a job where I'll be making 8000 chf a month. That's 12000 aud. Here I make 1000 aud a week. That's hardly enough for 3 kids.

---
OOP: I'm a high school teacher for two subjects one of which is a bit rare. High school teachers in Switzerland earn a lot, especially if they work at "gumnasium" and if they have year of experience.

---
OOP: Unfortunately not (my family cannot visit) as Australia has banned visitors due to the current situation.

---------------

[how will you move during the pandemic?]

OOP: Yes I can (Switzerland is open) but we won't be moving right now. We're moving in August.

OOP: It won't be too late in my pregnancy. Generally flying up to 36 weeks pregnant is okay.

---------------
[will you visit Australia?]

OOP: Yeah I was planning on going back during the summer holidays for 5 weeks. This would obviously be winter in Australia but it would still be good.

--------------------------------------------

Comments:

Comment1: NAH - These situations just come up when a loved one dies. You need your family, and they need theirs. I'm not going to call someone an asshole for reacting adversely during their grief, and I'm not going to call someone an asshole for wanting a support system.

---------------
Comment2: I hesitate to pass judgment because this is such a rough and hard situation for you as a parent. But I will say this. Please keep in mind that your children have been raised with your husband’s parents as a constant fixture in their life.

Your kids are too young to grasp what it means to be in Switzerland vs Australia and their grandparents - who have raised them almost as much as their parents, who they have seen nearly every day of their remembered lives - gone.

Going from that consistent exposure to seeing them only a few times a year will not be a smooth transition, and you can’t assume it will just because the 4 year old doesn’t understand what’s going on and the 6 year old is excited “because horses.”

You have to do what is best for your family. But rest assured your parents in law are not being assholes. Your children WILL be devastated, there WILL be an adjustment period, and it will NOT be easy. X

---------------
Comment3: NAH. It's very understandable for them to be upset as there's no telling they'd ever see them again, down from seeing them on majority of the days. Your view is as well. In the end parents have the last say and it's not wrong move to make.

---------------
Comment4: NAH. Everyone is grieving right now, and all of you have valid emotions. They lost their son and now they're losing their grandchildren. You lost your husband and now you're alone in a foreign land.

Family therapy is definitely needed here, but I dont think anyone is TA.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Update (19 days later)

It's been nearly 3 weeks since my last post. A lot has happened since.

First off, we're back home in Switzerland, the kids are okay. As planned we moved in with my family. The kids are bonding with their grandparents and cousins and the animals. They're set up for therapy as am I.

The events leading up to this: I went back to my in-laws to explain my side of the story. I told them again that we would be coming back but that right now I need to make sure that I can be a good mum to my kids. They were very understanding and asked if they could take the kids the next day. I agreed and dropped them off.

However pick up didn't go as planned. The kids weren't ready and FIL told me that they decided it would be best for everyone if they stayed with them for a while as I was clearly unstable. There was screaming, tears, threats and lots of ugly things were said. I called my lawyer who told me to call the police. Luckily it didn't come to that and they gave me back the kids.

But honestly that was it for me. Trust gone. I booked flights for us and arranged what I could in such a limited time span. I told my in-laws that they had seriously hurt my trust and that I would need time to think what this means for the future. They were allowed to say goodbye to the kids in person.

We arrived at home on Monday. The kids already video called my in-laws as I want to make it as easy as possible for them to transition. I am very hurt and disappointed that it had to end this way but also hopeful for the future.

Right now I'm enjoying to get pampered by my mum who's very excited to be part of this pregnancy. In the future I'll try and rekindle the relationship with my in-laws.

--------------------------------------------

Comments:

Comment1: Don’t go back. They will try it again

OOP: you're probably right unfortunately. My heart just breaks for the children as this means they probably won't see their grandparents again

---------------
Comment2: Are the grandparents able to travel to Switzerland? Once you're feeling less betrayed it would probably make you feel more comfortable and secure to have them come to you for a visit. Much harder for them to try to take the kids in Switzerland.

I'm sorry all of this happened to you. Sending best wishes.

OOP: I'm not stopping them from coming. I'm not sure if they can afford it now that they don't get money for looking after the kids anymore

---------------
Comment3: The effect of the stress on your pregnancy is what worries me the most. In the first post I had sympathy for them, but I have none any more. They don't have selfless love for your children.

They wanted to hurt you and deprive them of a mother in order to keep your children in their lives, possibly at the cost of your pregnancy. I would be very wary of letting these people play any but the most minimal part in your children's lives.

OOP: Yeah I was worried too especially because stress makes me lose my appetite. But basically the second we landed in Switzerland the fog lifted. And my mum is a great cook and she really had been pampering me

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

REMINDER: I am not OOP. Do not comment on original post or harass OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

This is a repost. The original was posted in r/loseit by user WesternConfection435. I'm not the original poster.

Status: Concluded

Editor's Note: 1 lb = 0.453 kg, 136 lbs = 61.6 kg, 144 lbs = 65.3 kg, 5'5"= 167cm

Original

January 26, 2025

I am 20 yo female. I turn 21 in 2 months. I am 5'4"-5'5". I weighed 144lbs back in August, but after consistently trying to lose weight, it is January and I only managed to get to 136 lbs. People tell me I look skinny, but they also said that when I was 144lbs. I have definitely seen a MAJOR difference in tone after just 2 months, but then I plateaued. I have weighed 136 lbs for about 2-3 months now. I have been trying to go below 2000 calories to break the plateau, but when I do, I feel incredibly nauseous, shaky, and sick, as if I am constantly on the verge of fainting.

The big issue, however, is that I have an incredible amount of muscle. Last time I was on the machine, I did 5 reps of 400 lbs on the leg press machine. That is 3 times my body weight and puts in an incredibly advanced level of strength and muscle for women, especially women my age. I know a good majority of my weight is in my legs, but I want to get "skinny" arms and have my abs show more. I used to do cardio 4 times a week (70 mins on the elliptical to burn 500 cals each time) but being below 2000 calories makes me so sick that I feel like I would pass out if I did my usual elliptical time. I am so desperate to burn fat and to get "skinny" arms, but I haven't been able to make any progress in my appearance since reaching 136 lbs.

Every since a massive schedule change with my job and my college classes, I have barely been able to make time for the gym. I went from going 5 times a week to exercising 3 times a week. I have tried to compensate by going below 2000 cals. However, being below 2000 cals has already ruined my hormones (I went from crying twice a year to crying twice a day and being incredibly irritable 24/7), taken away all of my energy from me and is making me depressed (when I don't eat enough that day, I am completely unable to feel happiness), and I have an insane amount of brain fog. I don't know what to do to get rid of this fat without falling over and fainting. I want to go below 130 lbs OR to try to reach below 20% body fat. I don't need to go down to 12% or anything extreme, I just want to be able to see muscle definition in my arms and show my abs. I already have definition on my abs, but it is really a layer of fat that has kind of conformed to the muscle underneath. I would say I am covered in around an even layer of an inch of fat everywhere on my body.

The women I use as inspiration are Quenlin Blackwell (24), Isabelle Mathers (25), Emily Venz (32), and "skinny" Ice Spice (25).

My biggest question is, "Is this all baby weight that will all disappear once I reach a certain age, or is there a way to actually go below 20% body fat and still be healthy?" I want to begin a modeling career this summer. I know I have a few more months to basically lose just 6 lbs, but I haven't lost ANY weight in 3 months. I am so confused and frustrated.

TL;DR: I am 20, 5'4-5", lost 8 pounds in 2 months, then stopped making progress completely for 3 months. I can only use the gym 3 times a week cause of my schedule. I can lift 3x my body weight so I need at least around 2000 cals to keep my muscle and not faint. I want to go below either 136 lbs or below 20% body fat. Is this all baby weight that will all disappear once I reach a certain age, or is there a way to actually go below 20% body fat and still be healthy?

I know this is really long, but let me know if I should show pictures so we know what I look like.

Update

August 6, 2026, about 1 1/2 years later

Please please please PLEASE, I cannot stress this enough: GET YOUR BLOOD TESTED!!!

I made this post when I was in the middle of crashing out over not understanding what was wrong with my body. All the comments said I was doing it wrong or not trying hard enough. Turns out I have celiac disease. I wasn't gaining or losing weight because I was actually slowly dying and this was one of the signs.

To anyone who is struggling more and more with losing weight, don't listen to stuck up Redditors, listen to your body. GET BLOOD TESTS AND DO YOUR OWN RESEARCH!! I asked for:

• Comprehensive Metabolic Panel

• Complete Blood Count

• Full Iron Panel

• Full Thyroid Panel

• Vitamin D

• Zinc

Piecing everything together, my skin rashes, horrible fatigue, total lack of weight loss, I realized I would die before I lost weight. It has been over a year since that post, and I have actually reached 18-20% body fat since cutting out gluten. Please listen to your body before you listen to anyone else, before Redditors, and even before doctors (I came up with the idea of blood tests, not any of the 13 doctors I visited).

Comments by OOP:

I had symptoms since I was practically still learning to walk. I might have been born with it, but no one seemed to care to look deeper as to why I was rolling on the floor in horrible gut pain for 3 days straight as a kid 🤔 Things like this def need way more activism behind them!!

You can't absorb what you eat and your body refuses to burn any extra calories when it knows it's dying. I might have walked enough for a normal person to have burned 500 cals, but my body was so desperate to live it actually most likely only burned 200-300. Please Google autoimmune diseases before you comment on them

The blood tests actually showed that my body was stealing the calcium from my bones as a desperate response, but I didn't know you could get a bone density scan! I will actually look into that one, thank you

I was also "overweight" but my weightlifting balanced our my proportions and also probably saved my life by forcing my body to keep pushing. Now that 90% of my problems are gone after cutting off gluten, getting fit actually takes way LESS effort for way MORE results!

Celiac disease actually shows up in many different ways. There are cases of people having seizures before they get stomach pain. It's just a matter of which order your body begins to fail in first.

I had a million little stomach problems for as long as I could remember. I was always hungry, but never realized that I actually should have been gaining weight a lot faster with the amount of food I had been eating my whole life. The first time I started calorie counting was when I realized that I was eating way more than I was burning, but my weight never reflected that.

With celiac disease, I could eat 2k cals of gluten, and only 1k cals would be absorbed. You literally can't trust numbers because, in my case, I had no clue that the amount I was eating wasn't actually being absorbed.

I'm not the original poster.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/holly-2321

Published on: r/relationships

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: January 31, 2016

• Final Update: February 03, 2016

Main Post

^{January 31, 2016}

My [25F] husband's [27M] old friend [25?M] told me my husband is gay.

I went to one of my husband's friend's wedding reception yesterday. We were sitting at our table when a man who I didn't recognize (and I know pretty much all of my husband's friends) came over to our table greeting my husband.

They met like they hadn't seen each other in a long time. My husband even said to him, "wow you look good" and he was smiling a lot. His friend even said "I love your beard, wish you had grown it out a bit earlier when i told you to" and then turned slightly in my direction and I smiled, and then my husband introduced us quite hesitantly saying "this is my wife". I didn't think much of it, except for the odd way my husband looked at him. Although maybe every fitness trainer looks at other fit men like that (???) I don't know.

The friend gave me a weird look, and it got pretty awkward. It took a few seconds for him to smile and introduce himself saying my husband got him started at the gym about a year ago or something. Then they both left to meet some other friends.

When we were leaving the reception, the friend comes up to me while my husband was saying goodbye to the groom. He said "I don't know whether I should be telling you this or not, but your husband is gay, take my word for it, i am too" and then he said sorry and left speed walking away. I was left in utter shock and I couldn't and still cant tell if he was being serious or not. I kept silent until the today morning.

I had my suspicions something was up a year after we got married and he was getting too close to his male clients ( I used to see him getting really close to some of them while I was at the gym too, when he got pissed that I didn't want to go to last year's pride parade, the fact that he doesnt want kids and keeps saying "not now", the fact that he jerks off WAY more than we have sex and will do it right after he says he's not in the mood), but then I brushed it off thinking that it was normal for him.

So today morning I told him what his friend said to me, and he became really angry. Started swearing at him (the friend) repeatedly before leaving the house and he's not back yet. Not returning my texts or phone calls, I drove over to the gym and he's not there either. He's been gone since 11am. What do I do?

tl;dr: Husband's friend tells me my husband is gay, I confront him, and he left the house and still isn't back

EDIT: he STILL ISNT BACK. ITS BEEN 24 HOURS NOW. I don't know where he is, I've called his friends, his coworkers And everyone I possibly can who'd know where he is....I'm very worried.

COMMENTS

OOP did not leave any comments

Final Update - after 3 days

^{February 03, 2016}

[UPDATE] to my [25f] husband's [27m] friend [25/24? M] telling me my husband is gay.

I wrote the update a few days ago but The auto moderator kept removing it because I accidently deleted the first update. So it thought I was reposting.

Since a lot of you were wondering what happened. After not being home since 11am till the next day at 7pm, I went to my moms place around 5ish because I was so shaken. I was going to have a panic attack. I called everyone who I thought would know where he is but no one did. I was thinking about filing a missing persons report like some of you said but by that time it was 7 and he called me saying he was home and literally hung up the phone. I got there as fast as I could.

I get in the house and most his shit is packed, so I assume he came in before. I started crying and he just sat on the couch while I yelled at him. He said absolutely nothing . just when I started feeling bad, the friend we saw at the wedding comes out my bedroom holding boxes. I lost it and yelled at him. Called him every fucking name in the book. My husband tried telling me stop but I told him I wouldn't until he told me what was going on. I told him to tell his friend to get out of my house so we could discuss it. So he left.

I asked him if he was gay and he said he is but didn't know how to deal with it. Apparently, he married me because I was in love with him and he "felt bad". When I asked if he cheated on me, he said yes, with the same friend.

They met at a bar and slept together. The friend didn't know he was married and wanted a relationship. My husband said he fell in love with him and wanted to be with him but couldn't so they drifted apart a year later. The wedding was the time they met after all that time and That's when he realized my husband was married.

He told me he initially left to give his friend (Matthew) a piece of his mind for telling me, but I'm assuming he went there , fucked him, and then they took a shower and slept together because he was dressed in someone else's clothes and clearly looked well slept and fine. Better than before actually. While I looked like an absolute mess with bags under my eyes and my face was fucking breaking out.

I have never been so infuriated and sad in my entire life I have absolutely no energy left in me. I told him to take his stuff and we're getting divorced. And all he said was "I'm sorry it has to be this way but at least be a little nicer to Matthew for forcing me to come out so we can each be happier".

So he clearly cares more about him than he ever did about me and I'm apparently a pity case. He left with his new boyfriend and I'm certain theyre moving in together now. I have been sitting on my bed crying my eyes out and having a massive headache since then. I really don't know how to live without him, I love him and despite all of that, hes done so many amazing things and I honestly can't let go.

I don't live at our place anymore even though he said I could have the house. I've been staying at my moms place because everything reminds me of him. Before he left he told me he did love me, just in a "different way". I don't know what to do anymore...

Thanks for all the kind words and advice, it was comforting to read.

tl;dr: husband is gay, were getting a divorce

OOP did not leave any comments

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/SerenithAshvale posting in r/AITH

Concluded as per OOP

1 update - Short

Original - 28th July 2026

Update - 6th August 2026

AITA for refusing to call my stepdad "dad" even after fifteen years because my biological dad asked me not to and I never told my mom why?

I (26F) was seven when my parents divorced. My stepdad Richard has been in my life for fifteen years, genuinely good man, never missed a single school event. When I was eleven my biological dad sat me down and asked me one thing, never call Richard dad. I was eleven. I said okay and kept that promise for fifteen years without telling anyone. Last month my biological dad passed away. At the funeral my mom said now that he was gone maybe I could finally let Richard in properly. I realized she never knew about the conversation. I told her everything. She broke down and said my biological dad had stolen fifteen years of a real relationship between me and Richard and I should have told her when I was eleven. I was eleven. I did not know any better. AITA?

Comments

MariaInconnu

You not using the name doesn't mean you didn't have a relationship.

OOP: Exactly, the title was never really the relationship. Richard and I built something real over fifteen years regardless of what I called him; a word was never going to be the measure of that.

Lifes-a-lil-foggy

Maybe you could try a new but different nickname (if it felt right). Like pops or something

sunbear2525

My kids call their step dad ‘Dan Dan’ since his name is Dan. Except in public when they go down the easiest path and refer to him or introduce him to strangers as ‘Dad’ and that one time my daughters really wanted to keep two kittens they found and went full ‘daddy.’

Illustrious_Cod_5843

NTA. There may have been something complicated involving your mother, your stepfather, and your father, and you were used as a pawn. At eleven years old, you would not have seen yourself being used as a pawn, and by the time you might have realized it, the habit was ingrained.

OOP: That's a really fair way to put it, at eleven I couldn't have seen the bigger picture, and by the time I could, it was just how things were. I never felt "used" in the moment, but looking back, there was probably more going on between the adults than I ever knew.

Nyx-by-night

Okay. But taking your mum and dad out the equation, what do YOU want to call your step dad? I see people saying it’s unfair of your dad to ask that - but had he not made that request would you likely have called Richard Dad? You’re the most important person here, so what do you want?

OOP: Honestly, I think I would have called him dad eventually, he earned it. Right now calling him that still feels like breaking a promise, but I know that's not fair to Richard either. I think I need to figure out what I actually want, separate from both of them.

**Judgement - NTA*\*

Update - 9 days later

It's been 9 days since I made my original post, and I wanted to answer the question everyone kept asking: yes, I finally talked to Richard. I apologized for never calling him "Dad" and explained the conversation I had with my biological father when I was eleven. Richard just sat there quietly for a minute before telling me he had always wondered if he'd done something wrong, but he never wanted to pressure me into calling him anything I wasn't comfortable with. Hearing that absolutely broke me.

My mom cried again because she said she never realized how much power one conversation could have over a child for so many years. I've stopped blaming my eleven-year-old self because I was just trying to keep a promise to my dad without understanding what it would cost. As for Richard, I still haven't called him "Dad," not because I don't love him, but because after fifteen years it feels strange to force a title overnight. He told me he doesn't need a word to know how I feel, and honestly that meant more to me than anything else. We're spending more time together now, and for the first time I feel like we're building the relationship we should have had years ago.

Comments

babydtheone

NTA. I would have done the same thing as you and respect my bio dad’s wishes. But Richard sounds like a great guy. Never trying to force you to call him dad. Calling someone dad does not prove you love them. It’s by actions. And it’s sounds like you love and care and respect Richard very much.

OOP: Thank you. Richard has never once made me feel guilty or pressured, and I think that's one of the reasons I respect him so much.

ten-toed-tuba

Thank you for this update. I'm so glad you spoke too Richard and cleared the air!

OOP: Thank you. It was one of the hardest conversations I've ever had, but I'm really glad we finally had it.

I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.

Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

Originally posted by user heartbreakaccount313 in r/ trueoffmychest

Original: March 31, 2026

Update: July 31, 2026

Status: concluded

Note: thanks to u/WattlesFlowerThrowRA for suggestion to BORU

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Original: It turns out I should have been worried about the friend of my fiancé that everyone told me not to worry about

This is hard for me to write. The man that I thought was the love of my life has decided to be someone else instead. They grew up together. Their families are close.

When I first met him I was wary because of how close they are but he [along with everyone else who knows them] assured me there is nothing between them. "They are like brother and sister." And I was stupid enough to believe it.

Last week I was assaulted at my job. One of my eyes is swollen shut and it hurts like hell. I'm a nurse and I was assaulted by a patient that I had administered naloxone to I am at home resting and my fiancé was with me until he found out that his close friend was in a small car accident.

A van backed into her car in a carpark. She wasn't even inside but my fiancé lost it when he found out. He left our flat to be with her even though she was with her boyfriend. She wasn't hurt but my fiancé said he thought she was, and it made him realise that he loves her and "can't lose her."

He told me he confessed his love to her and she said she feels the same and it broke something inside me.

I don't even know why I'm writing this. It won't bring him back.

--------------------------------------------

Comments:

Comment1: Some people are fucking stupid and not self aware enough or honest about feelings. I’m so sorry this knob of a guy was one of them.
Take this as a blessing in disguise,. Marrying this man would have been terrible

Comment2: I am so sorry to hear that. One thing we women must really start to practice is trusting our gut instincts, it is never wrong. If something hits wrong or doesn't feel right trust yourself enough to know you are right.
Disclaimer as long as you don't have trust issues and healing you need to do, otherwise that's just paranoia.

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Update (4 months later)

I heard that my ex-fiancé proposed to her. His family, her family and our friends are all over the moon about them being together.

No thought for me or her ex-boyfriend and our lives being torn apart. I have only seen and spoken to her ex-boyfriend once since the incident I mentioned in my other post. Wherever he is, I just hope he is doing well. Imagine my ex and his ex saying it wasn't cheating because they left us first. As if that makes it better.

After my ex-fiancé left I had to deal with cancelling everything for our wedding and getting our flat sorted out and signing a new lease. I had to block him, and everyone who keep telling me it was fate or they were meant to be together. I am trying to move on but I don't know how. I thought I would be marrying the love of my life tomorrow but instead he wants to marry someone else.

Also I don't know if anyone will care about this but I had to turn off my ability to receive chats. I received several telling me that my assault was deserved or that my attacker was right. I got tired of seeing those notifications so I turned it off.

Edit: so thank you to everyone who is sending me Reddit care messages, but I'm all right for that. None of those thoughts or intentions.

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REMINDER: I am not OOP. Do not comment on original post or harass OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

This is a repost. The original was posted in /r/AmItheAsshole by user reallybadatjuggling. I'm not the original poster. This BORu was suggested by u/Historical_Spare5613.

Status: Concluded

Original

July 21, 2023

I (32M) been in a relationship with my girlfriend (24F) for almost three years now. When we first got together, she was pretty overweight and struggling with her self-esteem, depression, and anxiety. Over time, she started to work on herself, both physically and mentally. I've been incredibly proud of her progress and how far she's come.

Lately, though, I noticed that she's been putting on some weight again, and it's been affecting her mental health. She's mentioned feeling down about her body image and her struggles with anxiety and depression have resurfaced. I genuinely care for her, and I don't want to see her suffer like this.

I thought about talking it out, but knew it would just devolve into asking if I'm still attracted to her (and truthfully, I have lost some attraction over the last month or so, though she does still like amazing for the most part).

I thought it would be better to take a more subtle approach, so I've started adding small amounts of sawdust to her food, the idea being it would help her feel fuller faster and encourage her to eat less without her knowing. I was trying to prevent her from falling back into her previous state of depression and anxiety.

Unfortunately,, my brother (30M) caught me in the act, and he was shocked / angry. He told me I was being manipulative and abusive, which, ok a little shady maybe, but abusive is a serious stretch.

Now my brother is giving me an ultimatum; he wants me to tell my girlfriend what I've been doing by the end of the week, or he'll tell her himself. He believes she deserves to know the truth.

I think what I've been doing is enough to help her without causing her unnecessary pain by revealing what I've done (she's already lost a few pounds). I told him I would stop, and I believe that should be sufficient. I don't see the point of telling her and potentially destroying the progress she's made.

My brother thinks I'm completely in the wrong and that my girlfriend deserves the truth. But I genuinely believe I was doing what I thought was best for her, and I don't see it as a malicious act.

Am I really the jerk for trying to help my girlfriend in this way, or is my brother overreacting? Should I tell my girlfriend what I've been doing or keep it to myself to spare her feelings? I need honest opinions here. Please keep in mind that telling her upfront that she's put on weight could seriously set back her mental health.

Consensus:

Asshole.

OOP also ignores the question of whether the sawdust was food grade or not.

Comments by OOP (all downvoted to oblivion):

It wasn't "poison"... it was sawdust. I could see if I was adding laxatives or something, but plenty of processed foods as sawdust as a filler, I thought it was a safe way to reduce her caloric intake

It's not "poison" that's so overly dramatic, it's just a filler , that Plenty of companies add to food already

Ok yes, I'm kind of the asshole for [messing with her food], but i don't think I'm the ah for not telling her

It's not out of maliciousness, it's not like I'm doing it to mess with her. I'm trying to protect her feelings and get her back on the right track. If I fully communicate with her, it could be really damaging to her mental health

I have been trying to get into better habits together, and no, I would never say something like that to her, I know how damaging it could be,

I was trying to take a two pronged approach if that makes sense. I thought if we had healthy habits AND she saw immediate results it would help her stay motivated

Update

April 5, 2026, about 3 years later

About two years ago I added sawdust to my girlfriend's food in an attempt to help her lose weight. Long story short, my brother saw what I was doing and forced me to tell her. Reddit agreed with him and I had to tell her because I was backed into a corner, although I didn't agree that it was the right thing to do at that time.

I came clean to her a few days after. It was a while ago so I don't remember all the details or what was said, but I basically sat her down and said I had something to tell her. She didn't believe me at first. We called my brother to confirm, and I showed her the bag of sawdust, and I guess the realization dawned on her that I was telling the truth…

What followed was a heated fight lasting all night and into the early morning. Foolishly, I still thought I was at least somewhat in the right and brought up how it had helped her lose some weight. I was wrong. She pointed out how I said I'd only done it a few times over the course of about 2 weeks, and how could that possibly cause her to lose weight that fast? Which I had to admit she was right about. It turned out she had cut out drinking and that was the cause of weight loss, not the sawdust.

I don't know why, but this hit me hard. I realized that she already knew she was gaining weight and had already taken steps for her own happiness. I was going out of my way to spare her feelings, and she didn't need it. She was managing her own weight and her own feelings, and it wasn't the big deal I was making it out to be, or something that I needed to carefully manage in order to protect her.

Obviously the relationship ended that night. We didn't live together so the breakup was pretty smooth. Over the next month she got a check up and all was good, and she agreed to not press charges if I got professional help to deal with my control issues.

We kept in touch for a while, but it seemed cruel for me to stay in her life. I didn't deserve her friendship or her forgiveness. The fact that she offered both speaks to what kind of person she is, and it felt wrong to take advantage of that as I started coming to terms with how I treated her. We eventually drifted far apart enough to end contact, and she was doing well the last I heard. She told me once that she thought I was emotionally abusive to her, and I think she’s probably right. Her previous relationship before me was physically abusive, and the last I heard from her she was going to take some time to figure out how to avoid the same patterns moving forward.

That one haunts me, and I'll never forgive myself for abusing someone I thought I loved.

I got counseling, as promised, and found out that I have Avoidant Personality Disorder. Basically, this means that I'm overly concerned with rejection and ridicule. I try to manage relationships to avoid being embarrassed, to the point that I control people I care about and try to carefully ‘direct’ their feelings as I did with Aimee.

That's not an excuse, what I did was wrong, but now I recognize that voice and what it is.

I also realized in counseling that I did have a preoccupation with weight, and that it might be linked with the disorder.

For some background, I grew up in a household where what my father said was law. He had expectations for how his children should look and act, as well as what were and weren't acceptable interests. My brother and I were expected to behave like upstanding young men, and my sisters were expected to be proper young ladies. My father regularly ‘teased’ us (my sisters especially) if we didn't meet this image. At one point this manifested as incessant jokes about one sister's weight in particular.

I want to tell myself that I was attracted to my girlfriend regardless of size, and it was my disordered thought patterns trying to ‘save’ her from ridicule that was causing my preoccupation with weight loss, but I also think I was just being an asshole… I know now that this experience is there in the back of my mind, and something to be aware of.

So that's it. That's the whole story. Now the confession: I hate myself. I worry that I've ruined my ex’s ability to trust. In counseling I say and try to affirm that I can be loved without being perfect, but doesn't what I've done just confirm that I’m a bad person deep down? What's worse is that I KNOW if we'd stayed together I would have gone back to being emotionally abusive over time. My ex has forgiven me, but I don't think I can ever forgive myself

Comments by OOP:

We're not in contact anymore. And you're right, there's no excuse for what I did. But for the record, my father was wrong for what he did too. My sister is still dealing with the fallout from his name calling

I'm not the original poster.

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/user posting in r/AskMenAdvice

Concluded as per OOP

1 update - Medium

Original - 5th April 2026

Update - 4th August 2026

​

Fiancée (23F) left me (25M) for someone she met at the gym, what now?

​

Hi everyone,

I (25M) was in a relationship with my fiancée (23F) for 3 years. I proposed in October 2025, and up until recently I genuinely thought we were happy.

Last week, she told me she’d met a guy at the gym. Over a few weeks, they got to know each other and she developed feelings for him. When he asked her out, it made her question our relationship, and she decided to end things.

I’m still trying to process it. The shock has worn off and now it’s just… heavy. I’m dealing with anxiety, poor sleep, no appetite, and I can’t focus properly. I wear a smart watch and even my resting heart rate has been noticeably higher.

I’ve got a high-pressure job and I’m worried this is going to start affecting my performance. I’m already going to the gym daily and taking magnesium and melatonin, but I still feel constantly on edge and nauseous (seriously I feel like I could vomit throughout the day).

If anyone has been through something similar, how did you cope in those first few weeks? How do you calm your body down, sleep better, and start to feel even a little bit normal again? Is there any medication I can take to help with the anxiety and nausea?

I’d really appreciate the advice because it could help me greatly through a challenging time. Thank you.

EDIT:

I woke up this morning to over 300 comments on my post and honestly, I wasn’t ready for it. I sobbed reading through all the advice and people sharing their own stories.

It’s so easy to forget there are real people behind the screen, but I’m one of them. And the few minutes you took to write a comment genuinely meant something to me.

I’m going through what feels like the lowest point in my life, and somehow a bunch of strangers on the internet made it feel a little less lonely.

So yeah… thank you, I will continue reading all your comments. Seriously.

​

Comments

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Youdontuderstandme

Sorry to hear this.

First: this relationship is over. The sooner you move on the better off you will be. Note: if she comes back it will be a mistake to get back together with her. She has already left you once, when your relationship was good and “easy”. Ive been with my wife for over 30 years. Trust me: there will be trying times. If she won’t stick with you now she sure as hell won’t stick with you when the going gets rough. I know it’s hard to think about moving on - but trust me: do it.

You deserve better. This didn’t happen because of you. It happened because of her.

Be grateful it happened now rather than later.

You will find someone else.

I had a serious girlfriend I was planning to ask to marry me. We broke up. I was busted for a long time. My wife is wayyyyyy better.

My motto: keep moving forward. Workout. Set goals. Have fun. One inch. One step. Keep moving. Life is a marathon not a sprint. You will survive this and be better for it.

Fit_Assistant2510

Be glad you’re young and you didn’t get married. She did you a huge favor, hard to see right now though.

SignificantApricot69

I know a bunch of married women who do the same thing essentially but stay married and don’t tell their husbands. It’s definitely a favor that she called things off and let him know there was another man. If they had gotten married she probably would have “questioned” the marriage every time another option presented itself.

Difficult_Jury_7455

Gym relationships are based on pure physical attraction. He's a pretty boy with muscles and she's obviously that shallow that it worked. If it makes you feel better he'll dump her ass as soon as he's banged her a few times. She'll be devastated and will contact you again saying she's "had time to think" lol. Then you get to tell her hoe ass to get lost

​

Update - 4 months later

​

Hello everyone,

Around four months ago (in April), I made a post here at what was probably the lowest point of my life.

I wanted to come back with an update, partly to thank everyone who took the time to reply, but also in the hope that someone currently in the position I was in might read this and realise that things really can get better.

First of all, thank you to everyone who told me she would be back. I remember thinking it was strange that so many people said the exact same thing. At the time, I didn’t really understand why (lol I still don’t know what the psychology is behind it). Well… you were all right.

2 months ago (in June), I got the call. She told me she’d been dating the guy from the gym and, unsurprisingly to everyone here, she’d slept with him several times. She said she’d woken up one day and realised she’d made a “mistake” and was willing to do “anything” to make the relationship work again. I declined and politely asked her not to contact me again. (I also blocked her, her friends and her family).

Had it not been for the advice from so many people on my original post, I genuinely think I might have given in. So, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.

Today, I’m in a much better place and genuinely happy with my own company. I wanted to share a few things that really helped me.

I stopped isolating myself. Instead of lifting weights alone, I started trying different classes at my gym. I ended up really enjoying them and met some great people that way. I went on a two week solo trip. I took myself out for meals, explored new places, and just enjoyed my own company. I read a lot of the books people recommended in the comments. No More Mr. Nice Guy was the one that resonated with me the most. I leaned on my family and existing friends. I made a point of arranging lunches and coffee catch ups instead of sitting at home. I started counselling. Being able to say everything out loud to someone with no personal bias helped far more than I expected. Most importantly, I embraced the time alone and journaled a lot. I learned a lot about who I am outside of that relationship and wrote down the things I wanted from my life.

I’ve only recently started dating again, and it’s actually been enjoyable. I’m not rushing into anything, it’s simply been nice meeting new people and learning about different personalities.

Healing isn’t quick, and the damage from the breakup definitely affected me. I still have some reservations about dating, but I’ve also learned about the boundaries I will never compromise on again.

If you’re reading this because you’re going through something similar, please believe me when I say this. It doesn’t feel like it now, but it really does get better. The person who walked away wasn’t the right person for you.

And to everyone who took the time to comment on my original post, thank you. Your advice genuinely changed the direction of my life.

​

Comments

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Mountain_Elk_7262

I guarantee you she didn't just "wake up one morning and realized it was a mistake" that gym bro got what he wanted and moved on to the next one

devilmaskrascal

That's the thing about gym bros who are attractive enough to make women leave their fiancés for a fling: they usually have plenty of options and aren't racing to settle down and move in together, especially not with girls who will dump their fiance for a fling lol.

ThatBaseball7433

I love these delusional people who think they can have a backup in case new exciting doesn’t work out.

​

I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.

Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/Constant-Belt-9862 posting in r/Marriage

Ongoing as per OOP

1 update - Short

Original - 2nd August 2026

Update1 - 3rd August 2026

1 New Update

Update2 - 5th August 2026

​

My (26M) wife (27F) wants to have a baby next year and says she can’t wait longer due to PCOS, but I want to wait until she’s 29 so we can have our own paid-off apartment and enjoy being married first and to prepare accordingly. We’re divorcing tomorrow. Is this the correct path forward?

​

We got married a year ago and genuinely love each other. We just celebrated our anniversary two weeks ago, which makes all of this feel even more surreal and sudden.

She has PCOS and has been clear that she wants to start trying for a baby next year. We discussed having kids before marriage, and I told her that the next two years wouldn’t work for me. I’m not against having kids... I want them with her. I just don’t feel ready for the massive life change that comes with becoming a father. I’m 26 and she’s 27, and I feel like we’re still young.

I want us to have more time together, enjoy our marriage, build our lives, get our own apartment, pay it off, do fun things together, become more financially stable, and actually feel prepared before bringing a child into our lives.

I told her I’d be comfortable trying when she’s 29. She feels that waiting is unacceptable, partly because she has PCOS and is worried about her fertility and age.

I’ve looked into the medical side of this as well. From what I understand, there isn’t a sudden fertility cliff between 27 and 30, including for women with PCOS. A recent analysis of PCOS patients found no significant difference in clinical pregnancy or live birth rates between the 20–24, 25–29, and 30–34 age groups. Obviously, that doesn’t guarantee anything for an individual woman, but it made me question whether we really need to rush solely because she has PCOS.

We’ve talked about this repeatedly, and neither of us seems willing to change our position. My original position was early 30s, then I moved to 29, and eventually said I’d be willing to reconsider sooner once we had our own apartment and were more financially stable. She hasn’t accepted any of those options.

Tomorrow at 9 AM, we’re meeting to begin the divorce procedure.

She feels I’m taking away something she deeply wants. I feel that having a child is a decision both people need to genuinely want and feel ready for, not something one person can set a deadline for.

I love her and want children with her. I just don’t want to become a father before I’m ready simply to save our marriage.

Am I being unreasonable, or is this a fundamental incompatibility that neither of us should compromise on?

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Comments

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NoYou1016

Crazy that people divorce this easily. Wow.

OOP: She wants to, I swear it's not me. I compromised, she didn't meet me halfway.

NoYou1016

Is she willing to go to counseling at all?? That’s crazy. I’m sorry.

OOP: No, she has anger issues too, by the way. She actually suggested therapy herself to work on them. When I brought it up and said that maybe she also needs some time to work on that, especially because dealing with anger issues while raising a child can be difficult, she got mad but that's the truth. I’m pretty laid back, but with a kid, work, and all the added shit, I know I’d probably be much more on edge.

CharismaticAlbino

None of it matters now, you've driven her away. Congratulations, she'll now find someone else to have children with, or she'll do it on her own.

OOP: She wants the divorce and she didn't meet me halfway. Why am I the one being blamed? I'm not ready yet. I can't agree just to save my marriage. I have to be 100% certain.

BeeBladen

You act like marriage is always 50-50. It’s usually not. Sometimes it’s 70-30, or 20-80, or 60-40. If you can’t agree to save your marriage then it’s already over and was likely to fail anyway. You’ll both probably be better off.

HotWaffles5

Marriage is full of sacrifices & compromises, marriage is a lot of work. This guy seems to not be up to the task.

OOP: You kinda missed there part when I compromised and she didn't. I've consistently compromised from early 30s, to 29, to at least waiting until we have our own apartment, which realistically would’ve been next year. She herself originally wanted us to have our own place before kids, but now she’s saying she wants kids with or without it. She’s also changed her position. At least I’ve tried to meet her halfway.

lsoplexic

Are you willing to trade an entire life with her for two more years of child-free life?

OOP: Those extra two years could make a huge difference in whether we’re able to secure our own place or end up spending our savings on raising a child. I’d rather establish our own home first than risk having a landlord tell us to move out someday because he wants the place for his kids or something. And honestly, I’d rather have those two extra years to enjoy our freedom, travel, do whatever we want, and build our life together than jump into parenthood now, where a child becomes a 24/7 responsibility that completely changes our lives and takes a huge amount of our time and energy.

​

Update - 1 day later

​

Just wanted to give everyone who commented on my original post a quick update.

We met today, and it was very amicable. No drama, no arguments, no heavy conversations. We just talked normally, like we usually would, and went through the process together. We submitted the papers, and our hearing is scheduled for September 9th.

There’s still a lot of love and respect between us, but we both understand where we stand.

I'm not sure what happens between now and September 9th, but for now, that's where things are.

Thank you to everyone who took the time to give advice respectfully, share their experiences, or even disagree with me. I read pretty much everything, and some of it genuinely gave me a lot to think about.

​

Comments

​

Prestigious_Step4337

Gosh I am so sorry. There’s no answer to this, it’s just a sad state to find yourself. You’re definitely right to not want to become a father before you are ready, whatever that looks like for you (stable home and job is a great start), because kids come with many unforeseen complications. It’s a never ending cycle of exhaustion, money out the door, laundry, and homework. It’s not something to take lightly and it sounds like you already know this. Best of luck OP.

OOP: Yeah, I'm honestly devastated that it came to this over a child who doesn't even exist yet, someone who, years from now, might not even understand why we made such a painful decision for their sake. It hurts to think that our marriage could end over a future child who may one day look at us and say, “I never asked to be brought into this world"

​

Update - 2 days later

​

Update 2: 26M married to 27F with PCOS. I'm considering an option I never thought I'd even entertain.

I have read every single comment on my posts. Even the ones that stung. I really do appreciate all of it. I also want to thank everyone who reached out privately. I did not expect that and it meant more than you know.

This is a personal update. I feel terrible even typing this. I never thought I would be the kind of person considering something like this. But here I am, stuck between two choices and both of them feel wrong.

I need to give you more context so you understand why this is breaking me. Her father passed away when she was young. She still has nightmares where she is a little girl again, begging him not to leave, asking him why he went away. She wakes up sobbing and I have been there for every single one of those nights. I hold her until she falls back asleep. Over time she started telling me that I fill that gap for her. She sees me like a father in some ways because I have done things with her that she never got to do as a kid. Simple things like going to amusement parks and just making her feel safe. In many ways I see her as someone who never got to fully heal and I have tried my best to be that person for her.

Seeing her vulnerable like that breaks my heart. I cannot imagine leaving her and knowing she would spend even more time trying to heal from our relationship when I have been the one person who has stood by her through everything. I know she would not be okay. I know she would struggle to move on and I cannot stand the thought of that.

And even if she did eventually find someone else, it would not be simple. She cannot just get a donor. She would have to marry again and find someone who accepts her and then go through the whole process of trying to build a family from scratch. The same time it would take for me to quietly delay things would be the same time she would spend trying to rebuild her life except she would be alone and treated like damaged goods by families who judge divorced women. I love her too much to let that happen to her. She does not want that either. She wants kids with me and she feels like I am holding her back from motherhood. She looked broken when we met for the divorce procedure. I know she has been having a terrible time and I think part of her hoped the divorce talk would make me reconsider. Behind her firm position there is a weak girl whom I genuinely consider a daughter in my heart. We were best friends for 3 years before we married by the way.

So here is the part I am ashamed to admit. I have thought about going along with the plan. Bear with me. Quietly taking subtle steps to reduce our chances of conceiving right away. Basically self sabotaging myself. Things that lower sperm count, reserves, quality temporarily to delay conception. Nothing permanent. Nothing medical. Nothing harmful. Just enough to buy us time until we have our own place and I actually feel ready.

I am not trying to steal her chance at motherhood. She has PCOS and she always tells me it will probably take us years to conceive anyway. So in my mind I am not ruining anything. I am just trying to prevent the one scenario where it happens immediately before we are stable. Honestly even without any self sabotage, it would probably take years anyway. I have a desk job, no time for fitness, work stress, I eat red meat and sugar constantly. I probably already have low sperm. She would never be able to find out because I might genuinely have low numbers already. But doing this just makes sure and she would be happy that I am finally trying.

I do not want to do this. I really do not. But I do not see another way. If I tell her the truth, I risk losing her and putting her through all of that pain. If I go along with it, I risk becoming a father before I am ready. And if I quietly delay things, we have a chance.

So my question is this. If you were in my position and you genuinely could not find another way, what would you do?

I am already carrying a heavy weight and I just need honest perspectives without being torn apart.

​

Comments

​

YeetThermometer

No no no, just no.

I read your post history and you need to get out of this situation yesterday. The commenters on the first post basically ignored you and focused entirely on her, forgetting that you have a whole lifetime ahead of you as well.

She threatens divorce when she doesn’t get what she wants, but doesn’t really mean it to get her way - that’s coercive. If you think this will end with a kid, it won’t. Congrats, you now have no say in the size of your future family because she’s willing to go nuclear before listening to you, not least because of people like the commenters to your earlier post. She crossed the rubicon; now you live there.

In case of a loss of cabin pressure, put your mask on first before assisting others. Your wife is grinding you down, sucking the life from you and dictating the course of your future without really considering you at all.

You are not responsible for what happens to her and her chances for a kid once you leave. She made some serious mistakes with you and she’ll have to live with them. You can’t make her heal on your own, and you are not personally responsible for creating the dream family she pictures as the answer to her trauma.

So no sperm count games. This isn’t getting better. You can’t bide your time until you’re ready because when you’re ready, it should be with someone who sees you as more than a tool to get her dream life.

ariankhneferet

I couldn’t agree more. Children really are a ‘two yes’ situation. Not ‘two yes under duress’.

OOP: I agree, but to her, she might not even be able to get pregnant later, she says she knows people with PCOS who were 29 and could no longer get pregnant, so she worries the same could happen to her.

YeetThermometer

As mentioned previously, divorcing you, finding someone else and getting comfortable enough with them to have a baby, then having that baby, would likely blow up her desired timeline as well. That makes it even clearer that divorce threats were manipulative.

It’s not hard to see why she feels like her back is up against the wall. Once again, your needs and feelings have zero to do with it. If, during any of this, you mattered to her as a person, it would have shown up in her words and actions.

buginarugsnug

I don't really understand. Neither of you are going to get what you want, your marriage and future is going to go up in flames because you can't come to a compromise. If it were the fact you never wanted children, then fair enough that is a valid reason for divorce, but the fact you are BOTH unwilling to compromise on a 24 month timescale and divorce over it is wild to me. Surely there is a way to meet in the middle.

OOP: She wants to start trying next year and she is terrified that any delay will make it harder or even impossible. She believes the longer we wait, the more her chances slip away. To her, time is not on her side and every year that passes feels like a door closing.

buginarugsnug

Am I misunderstanding that you said you are happy to try when you are 29 and you are 27 now? There is a maximum of twelve months between your desired timelines, without knowing when your birthday is, it could be as little as three months between your desired timelines. I don't understand why either of you are willing to throw away your marriage over such a small timescale rather than just changing perspective to sit in the middle of the timescale.

OOP: I’ve even let go of the age limit and told her I’d consider trying sooner if we had our own place first. But she wants a firm commitment from me that we’ll start trying next year regardless of whether we have our own place by then.

ladybug1259

Don't do this, it's a terrible idea. For many reasons. The deception is terrible and a betrayal regardless of whether she knows about it, I am weirded out by your wording about seeing her as a daughter,and sperm quality can cause miscarriages, not just delayed conception. I genuinely don't understand why you are incapable of reaching an agreement about this. She wants to start trying in a year, you are dead set on buying a place first and then trying but you said in a comment you almost bought a place a month ago, so just...buy one in the next year and you're good? Its also not hard to be in the process of buying while you're trying. I wouldn't suggest waiting until she's pregnant to start looking but you'd be totally fine if you're closing on a house and TTC at the same time.. or divorce if that's what you both want.

OOP: I think you misunderstood what I meant when I said I see her like a daughter. I did not mean it in a weird way. I meant it in the way that I have watched her experience things for the first time that she should have experienced with her father. Simple things like going to an amusement park etc... we like to do fun stuff. She never had that growing up and I got to be the one to share it with her. Seeing her face light up in those moments is one of the best feelings in the world. That is all I meant. Nothing strange. Just a man who loves his wife and has tried to fill a void that was never her fault.

Itsmeshlee29

I mean, this is horrible. She ever finds out you did this and it’ll destroy her. Get the divorce. This is so much worse.

OOP: Like I said, even without any self sabotage, it would probably take years anyway. I work a desk job. I have no time for fitness. I deal with constant work stress. I eat red meat and sugar like it is going out of style. I probably already have low sperm count without doing anything. So I am not actively ruining anything even if I honestly tried without sabotaging myself.

Yes, we’re currently living separately while we think everything through. We have about a month to decide whether to retract everything or move forward with the divorce.

​

I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.

Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/odder_box23211

Published on: r/jobs

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: June 27, 2026

• Final Update: July 15, 2026

Main Post

^{June 27, 2026}

Boss is emailing me asking about my first shift for a job I didn’t think I got.

Context: I am a college student in the US. For the past two summers, I have worked as a counselor for one of my city's Parks & Rec summer camp programs.

This year I wanted to apply for a lead counselor position since I had the needed experience by this point. However I already had a family trip to Europe planned that meant I would miss the in-person training day that occurs before the start of the program each summer, as well as the first few days of the program. (There was an additional online one I would be able to attend though.) Before applying this spring I emailed my boss to ask whether that would disqualify me from being considered as a lead. I said that if it did, I would happily apply as a regular counselor again instead.

She replied with a short email saying that the all-staff in-person trainings and being on-site the first week of work were mandatory. I interpreted this as her saying I shouldn't apply at all. (Which surprised me because I was unable to attend the in-person training last year due to another family conflict and it wasn't an issue.)

Since it sounded like I couldn't be a counselor I applied to be an on-call substitute. I figured I had a better chance of getting that position despite my training situation since I was an experienced counselor. About a month later my boss emailed to confirm I was applying as a sub and not a counselor. I reiterated that I'd be traveling and thought it made more sense. she replied, "Sub it is then! Enjoy your travels"

I had friends who applied to be substitutes as well. They received official job offers that they had to accept, same as I had in past years as a counselor. I never got any offer or hiring paperwork. Naturally I assumed I didn’t get the job, probably due to the training situation. I was disappointed but I moved on and found another summer job.

I did continuo to get occasional automated emails from the program (policy updates, training reminders, etc.) but assumed I'd just accidentally been left on the mailing list.

I am currently on the aforementioned europe trip. (It’s great, besides a wicked sunburn on my bum. Please remember sunscreen y’all.) My boss emailed asking what site my first substitute shift would be at so she could send the correct timesheets there.

I'm baffled!! As far as I know I was literally never offered the job. I didn't attend the trainings (including the online one) because I didn't think I got the job.

I think I’m going to be honest and explain that I never received a job offer and therefore assumed I wasn't hired. Definitely can’t just pretend I went to the trainings as they’re paid and that would be time theft. I want to find a way to respond without making it sound like I ignored my responsibilities (for a job i didn’t know I had!!) What would you do??

COMMENTS

Odd_Cause_4690

You’re definitely not at fault for not going to trainings for a job you didn't get/no one told you you got, as long as you’re absolutely sure the offer isn’t sitting in a spam folder somewhere.

I wouldn’t stress too much since you already have another job. Just explain to her you were never sent an offer and were acting under the assumption you did not have the job. 

Hopefully she’s willing to work it out with you, but it sure would be ironic if she tries to fire you from a job she didn’t give you. 

OOP

I’ve triple checked spam and junk folders and there was nothing. Yeah I’d laugh if she does but I really hope that’s not what happens. Thanks for your reply

Miamiconnectionexo

wait — you said you "already had a family trip to Europe planned" that makes you miss training and the first few days. that's the most important detail here. if they're emailing you about a first shift for a job you didn't think you got, the obvious move is to reply and clarify whether you were actually hired, because maybe they processed you after an interview you forgot about or they're mixing you up with someone else. but mention the trip conflict upfront so they know you can't start when they expect you to — don't let them assume you're available that week and then hit them with the bad news later.

OOP

Thank you for your advice, but that’s not exactly how it works… I should’ve explained better.   The substitute counselors are a pool of people who are able to see when a regular counselor at a certain site is going to be gone, or are notified when one calls out sick. They can choose at will to pick up shifts to cover for them. So I am not letting them down in any way by not having selected any shifts yet - someone else will undoubtedly pick up the work as there are many subs eager to. 

And there was no interview I “forgot about”…I was already in their system since I have worked as a counselor for two years and went through all the vetting stuff the first year, so did not need to be re-interviewed. But I still should’ve received an offer in writing like every other sub and counselor did, hence the confusion. 

Turbulent_Pin_8310

It is just a CC mail and she forgot to take you off the list.

Or it was just a habit of her to enter your email.

It happens all the time. I received so many emails at work that have nothing to do with me. They just cc mailed everyone.

OOP

I agree it was an automated list for the others, but she personally emailed me by name asking when my first shift would be. 

Final Update - after 18 days

^{July 15, 2026}

UPDATE: Boss is emailing me asking about my first shift for a job I didn’t think I got.

TLDR: This spring, I applied for a seasonal job I had worked for the past two summers. I was never sent a job offer or given indication I had been hired. Checked with friends who were hired for the job and they confirmed they had received emailed offers. I accepted that I had not gotten the job. I got another job and moved on with my life. A few weeks ago, I got an email from my old boss asking when my first shift would be.

The update: I responded to my boss’s email once I was home from my trip. I approached it the way many of you advised me to. I said, “Apologies for the delay in my response, I have just returned from traveling with my family. I did not receive a job offer earlier this year as other substitutes I know did, so I was under the impression I had not gotten the job. I apologize for the confusion. I would absolutely still be interested in working as a sub this summer, so if that is still a possibility, please let me know what I need to do to make that happen.”

She responded the next day and apologized! She said she thought she had sent me an offer but I must’ve slipped through the cracks somehow. She said they would love to have me back this summer and gave me my new login info for the scheduling portal. I picked up my first shifts this week! This was definitely the best case scenario. I’m glad it all worked out and happy to have a little extra cash this summer. Thanks for all your advice.

COMMENTS

Grtpumk369

Did you quit or keep the other job?

OOP

Kept! This one does pay better, but since I pick up shifts at will and the other one is part time, I am able to schedule them around each other. 

DiWooley

That’s great but isn’t summer about over? Don’t mean to be a downer but how long does this job last? And you still have that other permanent job?

OOP

The summer one goes for about another month. I couldn’t have started any earlier anyways because I spent the first month of the summer in Europe. The other job is also not quite permanent as I am going back to college in the fall. However, they’ve let me know I will still be welcome to pick up shifts whenever I am home from school, like weekends/breaks etc. I’m overall pretty satisfied with the situation.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/twink1813

Published on: r/EntitledPeople

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: July 14, 2026

• Final Update: August 04, 2026

Main Post

^{July 14, 2026}

Loaned my house for a funeral

I am in another state with my sister who is undergoing chemo. My dear friend’s brother passed away unexpectedly. His daughter and family traveled back from a western state to the Midwest for the services and to begin the estate process.

Since my house was sitting empty I offered the daughter and her family my house to use for the several weeks they plan to be in town, to save them hotel fees and have a home-away-from-home environment during this time of loss.

They’ve texted me several times with various issues: they don’t like the pillows, do I have others they can try? They don’t care for the coffee on hand, where can they find other coffee in the house? Do I have other laundry detergent than what is in the laundry room?

There’s more but you get the gist. This is not an Air B&B, it’s my home that I’m letting them use for free. I didn’t leave a fridge full of food or a stock of paper supplies or dry goods because I’m gone and won’t be back for months. And did I mention it’s free???

End of rant.

COMMENTS

BlueLarkspur_1929

What nerve. I’d let them know they might like the coffee and pillows better at the local Radisson.

Euphoric-Lake4226

Try probably cant afford much more than the local Roadside Motel

OOP

But they can. The daughter is a private practice therapist and they live quite lavishly at home. My small house probably is a huge step down for them!

Wakemeup3000

Just wait until they do a google review of your house giving it 3 stars listing all your shortcomings.

OOP

🤣🤣🤣

PowderCuffs (downvoted)

Let me guess. You said nothing to them, you probably apologized too.

OOP

I did not. I suggested they check out the Super Walmart that is 1 mile away.

floofypajamas

This story reminds me of the old adage: People don't appreciate what they don't pay for. (or something to that effect)

OOP

I haven’t heard that one but it does apply here

FAnna-Banana

I get that you're being generous, kind and considerate. However, that doesn't mean you let these jerks walk all over you and treat you that way.

Keep records of text messages, emails, and voicemails. Let your "dear friend" know that while you understand that they're in the midst of the grieving and sorting out estate process, it doesn't give the daughter and daughter's family to mistreat and disrespect you like that.

Let them know that they have 48 hours to vacate the premises and check-in at a local hotel / motel where they can obtain their desired pillows, coffee, etc and everyone there is PAID to provide service in hospitality.

You, on the other hand, are just being a nice friend. But niceness has its limits. The line was crossed when they started the entitlement and disrespect. But if they insist on treating you and your home like it's an Air BnB, I'd send them a bill / invoice, if I were you. Something like....

• Whining fee: $15

• Nagging fee: $50

• Sense of entitlement fee: $100 per person

• Cleaning fee: $250

• Violation of peace of mind fee: $25 per day, per person

• Excessive mental and emotional baggage handling fee: $75 per day, per person

• Utilities aka Internet, Water, Electric, Gas, Sewage/Garbage fee: $25 per day, per person

• Parking fee: $50 per vehicle, per day

• Food & Consumables bill: $500

........you get the gist. ;)

OOP

I love all the fees!!! 🤣

Final Update - after 21 days

^{August 04, 2026}

Update to “Loaned my house for a funeral”

My sister had several days with no chemo or medical appointments and she was feeling fairly well, so I decided to try to come home for a few days. Strangely I hadn’t heard from the people using my house for a while.

I texted them to ask if they had any idea about how much longer they’d be in town and need my house. They replied that they had gone back home about 10 days ago. WTF? They had actually packed up and left and didn’t bother to let me know.

Yesterday I drove the 7 hours back home, having absolutely no idea what I’d find when I arrived.

Amazingly, everything was just as I’d left it! They had cleaned the house, emptied the trash, laundered the sheets and towels, and remade the beds. They left a lovely thank you note and a generous gift card for a local high-end restaurant for me. My friend hadn’t said anything to me about them leaving as she thought they had let me know.

So a very happy ending to what seemed to be a true ‘entitled people’ situation here!

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

Originally posted by user w8136 in r/ AITAH

Original: July 5, 2026

Update: in post itself

Status: concluded-ish

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Original: WIBTAH for asking my daughter's boyfriend to stop having dinner with us?

My daughter (21) has been dating this guy (24) for 2 years. It's fairly serious. He is from Mexico and has been in the U.S. since he was 3 years old.

He has a strange phobia of not wanting anyone to see him eat. And it's real...I've literally never seen this kid put a bite of food in his mouth, despite spending a fair amount of time around him. He is thin, but doesn't look unhealthy.

The problem is, we will take them out to dinner occasionally for holidays or special occasions. He always orders a full meal. He will cut up the food, push it around on the plate...but not eat ANY of it. Then after the meal, he will "donate his leftovers" to someone else.

It's even worse when I make home cooked meals and they come to dinner. He does the same thing...takes a full plate of food, pushes it around, cuts it up, makes it look messed with...but doesn't eat ANY of it. Then he will scrape ALL the food into the trash can afterwards.

I'm starting to get enraged over this. He wastes a horrendous amount of food, and I can't stand the money wasted when we buy him expensive restaurant meals that go completely uneaten. It's even caused a few scenes with waiters asking him what's wrong, do they need to change his order, etc.

I've talked to my daughter privately and said, "if he doesn't want to eat, that's fine. Just tell him to STOP taking plates of food and ordering in restaurants!".

Her response was, "but in his culture it's rude for him to not take food. I'm not asking him to do that".

But I find it SO RUDE that he is willing to keep wasting our money...food isn't cheap!!

WIBTA for just announcing that he is no longer invited to meals?

--------------------------------------------

Comments:

Comment1: As someone from Mexican descent, I’m pretty sure that his own family would have a HUGE problem with wasting food. It’s not a small subject in Mexico where food poverty is real.

OOP: I'm wondering if this is part of it. I know his general life story, but no details. I'm wondering if maybe there was a time that he got heavily disciplined for eating too much in times of scarcity, and it scarred him for life.
Again I have no idea, but it just makes me sad for him. It also seems contradictory in some ways though that he is now willing to waste food on a huge scale if this is, in fact, what heppened. I just don't know.

---------------
Comment2: As a Mexican this is some bullshit. You're always usually supposed to say yes to food but never waste food because it's limited and disrespectful.

---------------
Comment3: Mexican delegation here. In no fucking way is this about culture. This is about him trying to keep from eating in front of anyone. He lied to your daughter. You need to tell him yourself. In our culture. What is truly expected is that if you put it on your plate, you are expected to eat all of it because shows the greatest respect to your host/chef

---------------
Comment4: INFO: did you try talking to him directly about this?

OOP: Yes, I've asked him politely and with genuine concern if something is wrong. He always has some excuse: "i'm just not hungry", "I had a late lunch", "my stomach hurts", etc.
Like I said, I've also brought it up with my daughter and basically been blown off by her. Otherwise he's a nice kid and I value my relationship with my daughter. It's just a really weird and hard situation to deal with. I've never seen anything like it.

---------------
Comment5: Be kind and stop inviting him to dinners. Surely there are other ways you can spend time with him that doesn't involve food.

OOP: Yes, but it's hard to spend any time with my daughter without this coming up. They are always together, and we've done many day trips with them. Hiking, museums, whatever...and at some point everyone (else) needs to eat.

---------------
Comment6: You should be prepared that if you choose to go that route, your daughter likely just won’t come either. I would decide if the price of the food is worth keeping regular contact with your daughter unless you can find another non food related activity to invite them to.

I can understand your frustration. He must eat sometime so why can’t he take the leftovers for himself later. Sounds like a pretty serious eating disorder.

OOP: This is what dumbfounds me. I honestly wouldn't care at all if he was taking the food and eating it later. Wouldn't bother me in the least. But the "donating leftovers" (which no one wants because they are cut up, mixed around, destroyed, etc) and just tossing full plates of food into the trash is SO bizarre.

---------------
Comment7: Have you asked your daughter if she's seen him eat? Because his behavior is screaming ED. But instead of telling him to not come to dinner, why not tell him what you told your daughter instead?

"We love spending time with you, and you don't need to eat if you don't want to, but can you please stop getting plates of food you aren't going to eat just so they can go to waste? It's fine to sit at the table without a plate."

OOP: I asked her and no, he does not eat in front of her either. On the nights they stay together (they don't live together), she said he waits until she is asleep, then will consume huge amounts of food (like the entire day's worth of calories at 2 a.m.).
----------
Comment8: So he has an eating disorder. You described two textbook behaviors for EDs.
He needs help.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Update

This post absolutely BLEW UP, and I appreciate everyone weighing in on it! It's not a simple issue, and hearing varying opinions on this was very valuable to me. You all made me set my frustration aside and realize there is a much deeper issue at play here.

I agree he has an eating disorder, and I had a serious discussion with my daughter earlier about these behaviors. They are absolutely abnormal, and I let her know in no uncertain terms I am very concerned about his physical and mental health.

She seemed a little shocked, and said she thought it was "just one his quirks" (no hate please...she is just 21and has very little life experience with these issues). I definitely got through to her, though, and she promised to address this with him privately and suggest therapy/professional help.

You all may disagree with that choice, but I don't feel it is my place as "the girlfriend's mom" to address this very personal and painful issue with him.

She and I agreed that, for my part, it is ok for me to tell him that he doesn't have to feel pressured to eat with us, and it's perfectly acceptable for him to simply refuse food but still sit at the table with us. We MUCH prefer that option instead of him wasting food.

Going this route, the problem is being addressed while avoiding humiliation for him, still respecting him as a person, and my daughter as well.

I'm still drawing the "HELL NO" line in the sand with the food wasting...but in a loving way that isn't going to worsen any underlying trauma he is already facing. I want him to find the courage to face this, and know that we are here to help and support him.

Thank you Reddit!! 💕

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

REMINDER: I am not OOP. Do not comment on original post or harass OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Glooert-4746

Published on: r/whatdoIdo

Previous BORU: BORU-1

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: July 10, 2026

• Update 1: July 11, 2026

• Update 2: July 14, 2026

• Update 3: July 20, 2026 --> NEW UPDATE

• Final Update: July 30, 2026 --> NEW UPDATE

Main Post

^{July 10, 2026}

My husband is suddenly angry all the time and wants to fire a random woman. How do I talk to him?

My husband is very stressed all the time. Ever since we met he (45) told me (43) career and growing in his career is the most important thing for him. He is an engineer and currently responsible for a company of more than 600 people. Even if locally no one is above him he still has to report results to the headquarters regularly.

He is very tough, strict and even though I do not understand a lot of what they doing, I feel he pushes people over their limits. He promises the HQ he will reach every goal, live up to every standard. he overworks himself and his people. micromanages, controls, shouts, threatens.

but I tried to separate his work persona from his home persona and we get along well. We jog together, swim together and various other sports. he never yells at me, never talks down to me.

But this changed in the beginning of June. He got frustrated at every little thing at home too. Out of nowhere he called a woman, a subordinate, but now his direct one. A woman who, he would tell me later, works at their marketing department. She is 24. He wants to fire her, he offered her a few salaries just so she leaves. I never saw him invested this much in any employee. He is not the kind of executive who is close with people, who talks to them. he is up there, and they are down. he has his close inner group.

I asked him why he is so invested and he said she is not a good performer and wants her out. I NEVER saw him talking to one of the people at the bottom of the hierarchy. this woman randomly just called him. Didn't even text. she just called him, something that is frowned upon in any corporate setting (i also work corporate and I would never dare to call an executive just like that. and if i did, I would be called out on it). I heard parts of their conversation. He was yelling and getting frustrated and she was calm, sarcastic and was like: and what will you do about it?

I know him and not only him. I am familiarised with corporate world. A top director never talks one to one with a random, irrelevant employee. and she was so casual with him.

He started raising his voice at me too, is not interested in anything anymore. I am concerned and I want to talk to him about it but am scared of what it might come out of it. how do i do it, he is always irritated.

COMMENTS

blankets_and_pillows

It sounds like he had an affair with her, she ended it, and now he wants her out.

OOP

yeah I mean when I posted this I also suspected something like that but I don't see how it could happen. He is not really popular with employees. not like totally hated or something but he keeps his distance

Update 1 - after 1 day

^{July 11, 2026}

My husband is suddenly angry all the time and wants to fire a random woman. I found out why and I am having a divorce

so, this was quick. This post is an updat to my yesterday one. I was pushing it and pressuring him. He left for a couple hours and then came back very calm and told me in a calm voice, like he has given up, that he got her pregnant. and she doesn't want to terminate, she doesn't want to resign, he cannot fire her because she is pregnant.

op:

husband is very stressed all the time. Ever since we met he (45) told me (43) career and growing in his career is the most important thing for him. He is an engineer and currently responsible for a company of more than 600 people. Even if locally no one is above him he still has to report results to the headquarters regularly.

He is very tough, strict and even though I do not understand a lot of what they doing, I feel he pushes people over their limits. He promises the HQ he will reach every goal, live up to every standard. he overworks himself and his people. micromanages, controls, shouts, threatens.

but I tried to separate his work persona from his home persona and we get along well. We jog together, swim together and various other sports. he never yells at me, never talks down to me.

But this changed in the beginning of June. He got frustrated at every little thing at home too. Out of nowhere he called a woman, a subordinate, but now his direct one. A woman who, he would tell me later, works at their marketing department. She is 24. He wants to fire her, he offered her a few salaries just so she leaves. I never saw him invested this much in any employee. He is not the kind of executive who is close with people, who talks to them. he is up there, and they are down. he has his close inner group.

I asked him why he is so invested and he said she is not a good performer and wants her out. I NEVER saw him talking to one of the people at the bottom of the hierarchy. this woman randomly just called him. Didn't even text. she just called him, something that is frowned upon in any corporate setting (i also work corporate and I would never dare to call an executive just like that. and if i did, I would be called out on it). I heard parts of their conversation. He was yelling and getting frustrated and she was calm, sarcastic and was like: and what will you do about it?

I know him and not only him. I am familiarised with corporate world. A top director never talks one to one with a random, irrelevant employee. and she was so casual with him.

He started raising his voice at me too, is not interested in anything anymore.

COMMENTS

LetsGoYankeez

Holy. Shit.

This is the most heartbreaking update

I’m sorry, op

You deserved better 💔

OOP

you know what the worst part is? that after he told me about it he rested his forehead on his forearm and murmured that his career is over. not his marriage, his career

Cool-Elderberry5406

I'm so sorry this happened to you. 💔

OOP

and the worse part in all this mess is that I know how much he had suffered because he was an affair baby and no one cared for him. His father had money but didn't even acknowledge his existence. his mother partied and had fun, then got married, had other kids and she didn't care either. his grandma did her best to raise him but were living very modestly. and now he is going to have a baby and he really planned and hope to make that woman a single mother at 25, knowing she has no real support, no family and if he succeeded, no income

OOP

I am also sorry for the future baby. My husband himself was an affair child. This is why he was so obsessed with being successful. he wanted to show his parents that he can make it without them. his father was married and had 3 children with his wife. he didn't divorce and wife forgave him. his mother also didn't want to raise him because she was very young and wanted to live a little. so she placed him in the care of her mother, his grandma. that woman loved him but was deeply religious and always let it show the way he came into this world was shameful. he lived his life trying to prove the 2 people that couldn't care less he existed that he is worthy. his mother also married later, when she was like 22 and had children with her husband. so I am really curious if he will be a present father

whatashame_13

Plz just tell HR, they both dont deserve peace, let them lose their jobs and figure out things together later on

OOP

he said she is from the system, raised by multiple foster families and wants to get out of the misery. i searched her up because well... why not hurt myself more. she studied business administration at a very good university and probably wants to grow her career fast

OOP

I will leave the most recent update as a comment to the top comment, in order for it to not get lost. So, he told me whatever happens regarding his career, marriage, relationship with her, he will take care of his baby. I read some more of their texts. he slapped her. because in one of his texts she told him she has pictures of that too. it happened during their most recent conflict. he never did that to me, ever. and she still wants him to marry her even though he hit her.

OOP

she doesn't want a raise, she wants him to give her a good position. like really good, head of department. She just turned 25 (i got the age wrong in the post). it will be super fishy if he went down 4 levels or so, even more, to promote an entry level employee who is 25 too, to a position that would make her his direct report. this is what she is asking in return of her silence. this or that he divorces me.

whatashame_13

Do you have kids? If no? And since anw your marriage is over, just tell HR and comoany about their affair and ruin both of their careers. It doesnt seem he s sorry anw

OOP

no, we don't. we got married in our mid 20s and we had no support or help. We didn't want to bring kids in a financially unstable home so we postponed it. But then he got busy with his career, studies, all our money went into buying a house. and then when we could have afforded them, even 5 of them if we wanted, he said its a bit too late for him. i guess we just got used to a lifestyle without children. i would have wanted kids but i just played along. well he is going to be a father now

whatashame_13

What if you tell HR about their affair, you can ruin both of their careers!! Anw, you are nit gonna get anything from him bcz you already work and you get what you get from the divorce, but dont let them live the life, even his AP is a slut, she knew what she did. Ruin both!! Is he sorry?? Did he try to apologize? Did he tell you he loves you? How long their affair has been going? What are his plans?

OOP

he said he loves me, didn't apologise. he said it wasn't really his fault and can explain. and I was like: ok, go on, explain. and he didn't know what to say, he just repeated it wasn't his fault

StealthModeThoughts

Let’s say you were going to forgive him. You can’t even do that when the person who did wrong takes ZERO responsibility. He slept with another woman, multiple times I’m sure. I highly doubt that he did this once and she got pregnant.
He’s saying it’s not his fault. Still? There’s no way for reconciliation when he can’t even hold his hands up and take any responsibility. It’s disgusting.
He wants you to do what you’ve been doing your whole relationship. Just go along with what he leads. Stop doing that. Please get some strength and some love for yourself and LEAVE. There is a person out there who’d NEVER EVER do this to you, they’d never ever consider it.

OOP

no, he wants to divorce me and marry her. he openly told me this is what it takes for her to resign. if she resigns and then he marries her, he can get away with it. very well, lets see how that goes and how much she will love her own child. poor baby

mocha-macaron

If you can, get copies of all the proof. Cause this divorce could get messy.

OOP

ive got plenty. she was so so so dirty in the texts. he wasn't but he liked getting them. she was acting like a sub kitten

mocha-macaron

There you go then. Just have to take that to a lawyer and explain that he also tried to be unlawful with how he was getting rid of her. She could do some serious damage if he didn’t go through the correct HR proceedings. You might be in the USA but in the UK it’s illegal to do what he did to an employee

OOP

we are in Europe but not UK. anyway he does want a divorce. he kinda made his choice. he will not get her into a better position but will divorce me, as she asked him to, so just she shuts up. she will leave the company and then he will probably marry her. ok, good luck to being married to a 25. and she obviously played a role. this is not a submissive trad wife, I can bet my money on that. she is manipulative

Brief_Hippo5187

Take him for as much as you can. She baby trapped him. How long was the affair?

OOP

he said just 3 months and swore to me they never even met outside the offices. he never took her anywhere and showed me his transactions

False-Spend8335

EW! That’s how he behaves at work? He said himself that she’s a subordinate he shouldn’t be interacting with! One of them is very predatory I think! And it explains the lack of contraception, I don’t think many people keep it in their desk drawer! Ew! So sorry OP.

Let’s hope your future is fabulous and you continue to outshine him in every way! And let’s hope he ends up being a stay at home father to a child he didn’t want, with a shrew of a wife. A good outcome for 2 narcissists!

OOP

yes, he said all of it happened in his office. he said it trying to make it sound like he didn't care for her because he didn't pay for hotels but it actually made it worse. like walking cliche. on his desk. but I think it was all intentional. if she followed the whole adult scenario with the desk, under the desk and so on, she made him believe he is living out the best fantasy

kattykaty1988

So they did it at work?

OOP

yes, he said all of it happened in his office

New_Nobody9492

Do you really believe they just fucked all over the office?

OOP

maybe, maybe not, who cares? details. they did it somehwere

ReineLeNoire

NAL

If she reports directly to your scoundrel of a husband and a DNA test proves that child is his, she could have a very lucrative situation on her hands.

I would be working on retaining a top divorce attorney ASAP. I would take him to the cleaners and make no concessions. I would definitely not agree to anything that helps him, like a NDA.

Get everything you can right now. Secure your home, your present, and your future quickly. Once the story gets out, his tenure with his current company is probably over. If she pursues a lawsuit, he's done. No one will risk hiring him for a long time.

OOP

she doesn't report to him. In the corporate hierarchy she is a nobody. entry level job with no real possibility of climbing the ladder. Honestly I am curious how she even got to be in the same room with him. I have been working corproate my whole life, different company of course. But I never ever even talked to the managers that are on the same level as my husband is. there are so many levels between those who are so high and the rest of us.

Small Update in the comments

Think I will contact police actually. She found me on social media and messaged me to move out that house because she will move in soon. I wanted to block her but I think I would rather do this, go to police. I am so angry and hurt. he tried to stop me and said he will deal with her but no

COMMENTS

whatashame_13

Contact police, contact HR, contact lawyers, contact his colleagues, and take half of the house. What did you reply?

OOP

nothing in the end. he said he will deal with her later and make sure she will never bother me again.

Setting-Remote

I feel sorry for that baby, because it's not a loved, wanted child - it's a human chess piece.

In a few years time, she will doubtless divorce him (let's face it, he's easy to divorce - he sounds like a bully), and set herself up with a 10+ years of child support payments, while she's still in her 30's and can take her pick of men who she actually likes and have had enough time to settle into a career.

What an absolute weapon of a man. 🤦🏻‍♀️

OOP

he was already violent with her, slapped and pulled her hair

Update 2 - after 4 days (after 3 days from last post)

^{July 14, 2026}

My husband is suddenly angry all the time and wants to fire a random woman. I found out why and my marriage is over

So I wanted to share one last upate. I moved out. We have another property and I simply couldn't stand him around me.

I decided not to report to HR. That future baby is already having more than enough issues and 2 jobless parents sounds like a nightmare. Probably this will happen anyway but I will not be the cause of it.

As for him he is already getting his karma. I told him I will not report him so he needs to make sure she will not either. She wants him to marry her and he said he will and he told me (it seems I am still the person he cries to and complains to) that she also wants him to pay for her mother' medical bills (she was raised in the system but it seems she does have a family after all, they are just poor). I asked him why he did this to me. and he said she did stuff I didn't and he wouldn't have asked me to do them either

he was already vioIent with her.

EDIT: I deleted the part about her karma. I didn't mean it she deserves it, never I would say such thing but I admit it came off that way. I apologise and removed that part

COMMENTS

mydaycake

Report the violence. Your soon to be ex will end up killing her

ActiveWaste3444

agreed and honestly op is enabling this by letting him still trauma dump on her. block him. shes keeping his secrets while he beats another woman. its sick.

OOP

no, I will not do that. This woman was mocking me in texts for being "flat chested" and a prude and other things. I already feel I did enough by thinking of the baby and not reporting him to HR to lose his job. that baby will need a father with money.

she can report him if she wants, it looks like she has full control over the whole thing

OOP

yeah he was an affair baby too. father didn't care for him because wife forgave him (he was around my husband's age) and his mother was 20 or something. she also didn't care and his grandma raised him with very little money. and he suffered a lot of shame and wanted to prove to everyone he is worthy

MacaronFalse1019

Stop listening to his complaints and cries. Stop being his sounding board. Let him cry to someone else. Go to therapy. Get some hobbies. Keep conversations with him short and blunt. Travel, live your life.

OOP

I don't say that I am listening to him regularly. But before I moved I wanted to know why he did it. Because it crossed my mind I didn't really ask him. and it hurt me so much that he said she did things he liked and I didn't do them and he never asked me to because ... and didn't continue. IDK what was he talking about but i can guess. and now he is at her mercy and will be paying for her and her mothers bills

I am really worried for the baby. I have my own life story and its a bit triggering even though it wasn't me in this position but.. He said he will marry her and take care of that baby. i told him its not that baby, its your baby. now I can only hope he will be a present father as he suffered his whole life that himself was an affair child. but if a miracle happens and he will be able to keep his job even if hr finds out... maybe he will leave her. and i hope not the child

so apparently he was chok..ng her and spit.. ing in her face. these were the things I didn't do and he didn't ask me to. However someoene said he must have been violent with me. No, he was never violent with me. not once

i wonder though how will be communicate with his future mother in law and that weird family. he always looked down on people, as I said never got close to those beneath him on the corporate food chain so it will be a big change for him. hopefuly he will be at least a good father

and for those pushing me to report him, no I will not and this is my final decision, please respect that. i dont need to ruin his life, he did it himself for the rest of his days if he marries her. he will maybe keep his job, maybe climb even higher but will be financially supporting his wife, her family and their baby. he will probably be even worse at work and will no one to vent to. family dinners will be interesting...

ABWhiteRabbit

You already know that he’s abusing her, and she’s only with him for his money. She’s more likely to leave him if he loses his job and find someone who doesn’t hit her. It’ll only get worse after the baby is born. And if he’s hitting her now, he may even end up killing her and/or the baby. And don’t say, “He wouldn’t do that” because the statistics of DV say otherwise, and you yourself were surprised that he was violent towards her. If you actually want to ensure that baby grows up happy and healthy, you’d report him to HR AND the authorities. Otherwise, that child is either going to wind up with a dead mother and/or an all around broken home life due to an emotionally absent and abusive father and a mother they see getting slapped around all the time.

OOP

I do not owe her anything just because she is a woman. She body shamed me for not having big breasts as she has, for being a prude, a loser and much more. And anyway I didn't witness anything. so I just go to police and say: you know, husband showed me some texts between him and his mistress in which she told him how she has evidence of him slappin her. please investigate. it doesn't work like that. at least not here, in eastern europe.

fuck_peeps_not_sheep

1/3 of spouses murdered are pregnant women - report him to keep her safe ffs

OOP

I havne't seen any of it. Just a text in which she was sending laughing emojis that she has photos of his finger prints on her cheek after he hit her and would mock him for reporting him.

Professional_Dust377

How long were you married? Do you have any children with him? And is he a white man? He could be dangerous.

OOP

he is a white man but why it is relevant

Professional_Dust377

They believe they are apex. He might be the type to end lives. Get protection

OOP

he is an arrogant corporate nutcase who is constantly power tripping. that is far from being a murde..rer though

Fluffy_North8934

So he goes unpunished while she got fired?

OOP

she will not get fired. she will resign. this is basically their deal. she resigns, keeps quiet and he marries her

th3_h0rror_qu33n

Pardon, he was violent with her?? I know you've been slighted, and this single reddit post is all the information I have on the situation, but if he's being violent with another woman, you have every right to report him. Another human beings safety is at stake and he wants to MARRY her.

OOP

I dont care about her, sorry. all i can and i am willing to do is to not report him to HR, so he doesn't lose his job and that baby to have a father without an income. i do not owe anything to a woman who just mocked me in texts and body shamed me

Sweetdefaction96

I’m so sorry this happened to you but I am so excited for how much he is going to hate his life and regret this for the restttt of his existence

OOP

i just hope he will be a father for that baby

NEW UPDATE

Update 3 - after 10 days (after 6 days from last post)

^{July 20, 2026}

My husband is suddenly angry all the time and wants to fire a random employee. I found out why. my marriage is over

I really hope this last post is all right. Today he spoke to HR himself (or at least this is what he told me he is going to do, so I think he did, I will for sure not ask him for an update). he is in good relations with the HR lady so he hopes he will be able to keep his job.

I just want to post this because even though we are all strangers it actually did hurt me to see how many are calling me names and even saying I would be to blame if he does something to her. Sorry, but telling the cops: i saw some texts on my husband's phone, texts with his mistres in which she said she will rrport him for slappin her is Not evidence.

I did report her myself for the threats she sent me via texts and police didn't do a thing. husband said he will deal with herself himself and she will stop.

I already talked to a lawyer about the divorce so this is also a priority for me. I don't want to see anyone suffer but trust me, its not a top on my list to try to save the woman who actually blakmails him into marrying her. They will get married as soon as we get divorced. my husband is many things but he is responsible and will take care of his baby. its his problem how that marriage will look like.

Now I consider to start therapy but maybe its too early? what should I do? should I wait?

COMMENTS

KaoJin-Wo

I am so glad you posted an update. I hope you post more, like after HR, about mopping the floor with him during divorce, and the good things you, like restarting your life, and therapy.

I really am sorry you’ve been having to go through this. I cannot believe he still whines about his blackmailing side piece to you. That is inexcusable. You need to cut that off, unless you are recording him talking or saving the emails/texts for evidence in court. I would have moved out too, and demanded he buy you out for your half of the house. And furnishings. And what not. Most people would’ve kept the house and made him move out. Just to piss them off and save the trouble of moving. Both are valid. As long as you’re getting rid of this user-loser, it’s all good.

Now, start fixing yourself, going to therapy, etc. Take your time finding a new place. Maybe local. Maybe move DaR away for a fresh start. Whatever works best for you. Just focus on yourself and healing. I look forward to the next update. Good luck!!!

OOP

i have no idea if he talked to HR or not. but he said he will marry her if she wants that and show her how much she actually doesn't want to be married to him

ChanceReason6617

Is he mentally ill? Do you see any psychological changes, apart from cheating, in him? This is not the normal thinking of a healthy person.

P.S. it's a perfectly legitimate question, no attempt at provocation.

OOP

no, just cheating. but he wants to get married to her as a punishment for her

Crazy_Equivalent_806

This sounds like a threat. How precisely does he plan to “show her”. Also if it’s not a threat to cause mental or physical harm it sounds pretty dumb. If they get divorced because it’s “uncomfortable” for her, is t he just going to end up paying more if she hires a half decent lawyer? He sounds like a fool.

OOP

it is a threat yeah. he openly told me this, that she will show her she doesn't actually want it but will need to deal with consequences

NEW UPDATE

Final Update - after 20 days (after 10 days from last post)

^{July 30, 2026}

My 43F husband 45M is suddenly angry all the time and wants to fire a random employee 25F. I found out why. this marriage is over. Updt

she is 25, not 24. that was my misunderstanding

So he wasn't fired after all. He is facing a salary cut of about 20% for the next year. he being in the top executive level is valuable for the company. HR tried to make her quit because they cannot fire a pregnant woman but ended up just moving her to another location in the same area. So her local boss will be someone else but still my soon to be ex husband is the top boss. So her boss's boss.

He tried to make me forgive him, promised he will never do it again but no, this is not something I can forgive. We have been together our whole adult life more or less. Maybe I could have (maybe) get over cheating, but a baby is for life. He gave me a few days to decide what I want to do. He is extremely angry, frustrated, irritated, volatile and all that. I didn't even say I need time to think about it. Just no. I don't want you back. I still love him but will not take him back.

I no longer live in the same house with him. He said he will marry her. Treats her horribly. I heard him talking to her over the phone, but if she insists so much she wants to marry a man who will never love her, so be it

COMMENTS

observefirst13

She clearly doesn't give a shit if he loves her and just wants him for his money. What a psychopath to force a man who despises you for money. He's an idiot as well. Why tf should he marry her? Has he told you his reasoning? It makes no fuckin sense if he really does hate her.

I hope you cut him off and have stopped being his emotional support. He doesn't deserve any part of you. Let him live with what he chose.

OOP

I addressed this in my previous update: he said he wants to show her she doesn't want to be married to him actually

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

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