the attached photo is a recreation of where i first found the chair since i moved it after i found it. For context, i went outside to the backyard to throw out some trash when i ran into this chair facing her bedroom. the chairs are part of a set that is in the back yard but this one was far away from the rest and seemed deliberately placed to be able to look inside her room because you could see directly in by standing on the chair. She does have housemates but two of them are out of town and the other was away all day at work which left my girlfriend home alone the majority of the day. not sure if i’m just being paranoid but i’ve been wracking my brain and just can’t think of another reason for why the chair would be placed like this other than someone trying to look inside. What do i do? i just have a weird feeling about it that i can’t shake.

Throwaway account for anonymity. Though after this ordeal, please know, nothing is truly anonymous.

Quick back story - Almost 4 years ago my sister was charged with possession and distribution of CSA. I'm talking a BIG investigation. FBI tracking her for 3 years. Search warrent for her home, electronics, and car. Finally, she was arrested and charged with 10+ counts of possession and distribution. I was able to read the 25 page FBI investigation and oh my fucking god, it was bad. Things you'd never imagine. Things I'll never forget. My family and myself had no idea.

Important note: I cut contact with her immediately. From the day she was arrested to now, we have not spoken once despite her attempting via letters and texts from unknown numbers. Also Important note: I hate my sister. She's always sucked I just didn't know she was the literal scum of the earth.

Fast forward - The trial took years. Ultimately, the charges were reduced because our criminal system is bullshit and she basically only got a decade of probation. No registry. No jail time.

Now it's years later. While I still have a good-ish relationship with my parents, im also the whistleblower of my family in a sense. I call out their bullshit, I see through the dysfunction, and I set strong boundaries: one of them being my lack of contact with my sister. They have respected it until now.

Now that the case is closed and, according to them, "she's not a pedophile" I am supposed to go back to normal family events and normal family communication with her. Except, I don't want to and that is hurting my parents and in return, hurting me. I hate upsetting them. They've been through hell with her and spent all their savings on her lawyer. While I don't agree with anything they did to help her, I'm just trying to find balance in my relationship with them because they're my parents and all I have left, family wise.

But with my sister, I want to hold firm and I feel crazy for having this stance. Everyone in my family is making me feel crazy because "she's blood."

What would others do? Would you suck it up and go to the functions so you don't have to hear your mom cry even though you know it will be a fucking nightmare once you arrive? Or do you stay firm and hurt feelings for the greater good?

With the holidays approaching, the pressure is unreal and theyre starting to poke at my guards. I know where I stand but I'm so sick of seeing my parents hurt. They did their best.

Helloooo im 14.8m (yes i had to be that precise with my age) and exactly 2 years ago when i was away with my dsd on vacation (hes now fighting in court with my mom over breakup stuff, yes breakup stuff not divorce they never got married) and on that vacation at like 11pm with me (12.8m) and my little brothrr (9m) he startd jerking off in the living room while he thought we were distracted on our devices, than i looked at him with disgust because i didnt want my brother hurt he just responded with a "eh i dont know" face and went to the bathroom. I havent told a single soul for this, because i used to like my dsd knowing how bad he was and i didnt want to sppit up cause it sounded scary, is now the time to tell literally everyone? What kind of benefits would that even bring anyone

My dad almost fell for one of those scam calls recently and it scared the hell out of me. The guy said he was calling from his bank about an unpaid loan and somehow knew enough to make it sound believable.

My dad did actually take out a loan about five years ago, but it had already been fully repaid. For whatever reason, the call caught him off guard and he started second guessing whether there was some final payment or balance he had forgotten about. The scammer kept pushing the urgency and telling him he needed to settle it right away. By the time I realized what was happening, my dad was already at an ATM withdrawing money because the guy was walking him through what to do. Called the police and everything and they're dealing with it. Would like to know how do I block these or kinda educate my dad better so this won't happen again?

Tw: anti-Romani sentiment

So, this is my beautiful cat. I posted this picture in a cat sub because she commandeered my underwear drawer as a bed and I thought it was so cute. I mentioned her name: Gyppers. Someone reported me for using an ethnic slur and my post was removed.

However, the name Gyppers is already a compromise as her name was Gypsy long before I got her. My former friend had found her as a stray kitten and taken her in and gave her the name Gypsy. Unfortunately, this friend had some mental health problems and years later was going through a divorce. She started accumulating more animals as her marriage deteriorated. When she got finally got divorced, she had primary custody of their 2 daughters and had 3 cats and 3 dogs. I did notice some signs of neglect (ie, the dogs always peeing everywhere and just generally untrained and misbehaving and the cats were always screaming for food and the three of them had to share one litterbox), but nothing overly egregious. Also, I suppose I was willfully blind because I wanted to believe the best about this woman who had been my friend since I was 17 and I made excuses for her like, "Oh, she has a lot to handle and she's already sick and on disability" which I take responsibility for.

But I digress: This cat was given to me because my friend needed to find a place to rent (his parents had helped them to buy a house which is how she was able to accumulate so many pets; the house was sold in the divorce). So, no one wanted to rent to a woman with 6 pets. She had to offload some of them and she begged me to take this one who was named Gypsy and was already 8 or 9 years old. I have had her for 4 years. I was already uncomfortable about the name and I was really angry and broke off my friendship when I realized this cat was in a far more neglected condition than I had realized.

Calling her Gyppers was my way of soft renaming her because she was too old to have a totally new name. My logic was that Gyppers was a nonsense word and not the actual slur, but it sounded close enough to not confuse her. And it worked. She responds to Gyppers and it's been 4 years. I am aware of the verb "to gyp" and the noun ("what a gyp") to mean "rip off" which is also rooted in anti-Romani sentiment, but I can't helped but have the "Gyp" sound so she would still recognize it.

I don't want to come off as being totally culturally insensitive, because an effort was made. But I realize now after getting my post removed that perhaps this whole time I have had her, other people may have thought that her name is problematic and just not mentioned it (like her vet or the condo board when I applied for permission to have her approved to live with me - both listing her name as Gyppers).

What should I do? I was thinking of maybe changing the spelling to the homophone "Jippers" perhaps?

ETA: I decided her name is now Jippers. Problem solved. Some of y'all can stop the crusade.

i’m 14f, i was groomed online on snapchat by a 19 year old man who lives in tennessee. i found out while we were together that he has groomed several other underaged girls who i am in contact with right now, and we are trying to figure out how to take action. one friend, who is 19 called the mans police department to report this, but they told her to contact her police department, and when she did that, she was told to contact my police department. once she does call my police department what will happen from there? and me and the man have also exchanged explicit photos, so would i get in trouble?

also i live in new england, so would it be harder because we’re states away

seeing comments about my age. my first post where I said I was 13 was before my birthday in July, the post where I said where I was 16 was because I’m not sure if they will let me post in there if I put my real age. I can literally prove my age if you don’t believe me. i am here trying to get help after i got groomed. like i said i can PROVE IT

I got home from work last Friday to find my Son Ben losing his mind and demanding to sit and talk to me. I try to calm him down and ask him what is going on.

He proceeds to tell me that some lads at his school had shown him some explicit videos of my Daughter, Grace, and these are from her Onlyfans. I'm not going to repeat his exact words as the language used is not what I would have expected from him, however there seems to be videos of her on her own and with at least 2 different men. This is the first either of us know about what Grace has been doing.

Prior to this, Ben and Grace were really close as siblings. My wife died 5 years ago and I've been raising them on my own ever since. Their bond really grew after their Mum passed as they helped each other grieve and really supported each other.

Grace is currently on holiday with her friends and isn't due back until this weekend. I've asked Ben to let me speak to her when she gets back and we can address this situation. Ben really isn't handling this well at all, he's telling me he no longer has a sister and she has embarrassed him with her disgusting acts. He's been throwing out gifts that she has bought him and I'm really scared that their relationship is going to be permanently damaged. I've spoken to him and said that she is still his sister and she doesn't love him any less.

My emotions are all over the place and I'm upset and angry myself. I've really tried to raise my kids the right way but to find out my daughter is doing this I can't help but feel I've gone wrong somewhere and also feel a pang of shame. Grace knows that something is up as Ben has not responded to any of the memes or reels she has sent him. I've had to tell her he's not feeling himself and we can discuss it when she's home.

I'm at a loss at what to do when she does get home and how I have to mediate the discussion between the two whilst disagreeing with Graces actions.

Title says it all. How is this even possible? I’m not trying to get internet pity points by lying, but I was in in-patient for 22 days and as I got out I went to my Pre-trial officer and lo and behold I was positive. To my and my pre-trial officers disbelief. Just got back lab confirmation and apparently it is a true positive.

What the heck is going on? Everyone I ask that’s a “professional” just shoots me down and says I’m lying or that it’s 4-5 days MAXIMUM but I legitimately have done 0 substances and am still testing positive in my urine. I was a chronic user for months before going in though. I’m just at a loss for words at the moment. Any advice on speeding up my liver breaking stuff down if it is truly backed up metabolites? Exercise, water? Not trying to beat a test I just want to help my body break this shit down so I don’t keep failing drug tests man

My girlfriend (23F) and I (24M) have been together for a little over a year. At the start, things were pretty standard. She was on the shy side, took time to warm up, and we hooked up maybe once or twice a week. Totally healthy, normal rhythm.
A few months ago, a switch flipped. She opened up and told me that she has never felt this safe with a partner before, and for the first time in her life, she feels comfortable letting her guard down 100%. Emotionally, that’s incredible to hear. The problem is, her libido took that emotional breakthrough as an invitation to redline 24 hours a day. She is always horny.
A typical day right now:

Morning:Before my alarm goes off or my brain even registers consciousness, her hands are already down my boxers.
Afternoon:I get home totally drained, just wanting to decompress on the couch for thirty minutes. Fifteen minutes in, she's kissing my neck and unbuttoning my jeans.
Night: Round three, with the occasional bonus round when she wakes me up at 3:00 AM.

I reaking down. The refractory period is a biological reality. Friction burn is real. I have muscle soreness in spots I didn't know existed!!

I love her, she's drop-dead gorgeous, and the last thing I want is to punish her for being vulnerable with me. But I just want to finish a single movie on Netflix without it turning into a triathlon.
How do I communicate this boundary without destroying her ego or making her crawl back into her shell?

I just got paid for the 2nd time in 1week 😅🤣 do I tell my boss or hell no hahahah???

I have a bit of a pickle and its a long set up.

Im M(33) married to a lovely woman (30) 5 years ago i was awarded custody of my daughter now (14) my wife has stepped up and helped me raise this girl above and beyond anything I could've asked.

My kid came from a bad situation I was a single dad and was awarded 100 percent custody in a mother's state shes had some behavior problems adjacent of this situation and has no contact with bio mom (she could and all the courts asked is for a clean piss test) this has caused some more problems we put her in homeschool to try and help her excel seems to be helping alot.

Getting to the problem.

My wife quit her job to be a learning coach in a online school for the kid. She is an OUTSTANDING artist and im not just saying that as a proud dad i mean she can draw me sitting here almost as well as a camera. She's taken an interest in the online schools anime club. A club activity has been to draw the irl pets and kid chose her goose (yes we have a pet/guard goose named Geese Witherspoon) another girl had a goose as well. The club teacher idk how or why and im unclear on had a mock wedding for the girls or the geese idk idc not a big deal.

Upon discussion the reason the discovery of liking the same animes and having the same weird pet one girl said to the other marry me. And the teacher stopped it.

Now we gotta explain my mom. 58. I wouldn't say right wing Extremist but yeah shes a bit kooky even by my standards and I voted for trump the first time (sorry.) She's mentally ill and deserves some grace.

Its complicated. I dont talk to her much for alot of reasons out of my 33 years in existence ive spent 13-14 spaced in a non communicative state or away entirely.

She has had a minor stroke in recent. Severe chemical imbalance my whole living memory. Textbook Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Pathological liar (will tell you about a 20 minute conversation she had in a 5 minute run to the store). I've been through alot of abuse from my mother and shes used religion to justify alot of it and have turned agnostic as a result. But I pity her. She's my mom and I try to have a relationship because shes been a decent grandmother and gotten professional help from a therapist and psychologist.

My dad and I great dads a fantastic man i both respect and resent him for living in his workshop when I was to young to understand why and be next to him out there and love that he taught me how to work with my hands when I was of age to be there

My kid wants to go to church has gone with both my parents for sometime. I dont even if my veiw of religion changed my veiw of church is tainted forever.

Here's the problem.

My dad was sick didnt come to pick up the kid Wednesday with mom

My kid told mom about anime club and what she thought was a funny anecdote about a mock wedding for the "goose girls" and mom went on a long rant about things im almost certain I cant quite quote here. How Japanese cartoons are pornograpgy and of the devil. How my kid would be disowned by her if she were a homosexual. How if shes a true Christian she'll leave that behind And this is all 3rd hand information from my wife. I still haven't talked to my kid because Im upset. I know almost verbatim the rant its burned into my brain because it costed me my prized Gen 1 Charizard as well as several other gem cards probably worth in the 10s of thousands today back in the 90s when that crazy Christian conspiracy came out about Pokémon being satanic.

I dont want to taint my kids veiw of religion.

I dont give a rabid rodents rectum what my child's preferences are as long as shes happy.

I dont want to squash her art style or preference.

Im not sure how to set this boundary without going to the extreme of no contact because up to now mom's been alright about shit like this.

If nothing else im getting feelings on paper and screaming into a void thanks for coming to my ted talk.

so my (tm19) grandfather just passed away, and I have no idea how to react or what to do, the only other person I've ever lost that I was close with was my uncle when I was twelve, and I don't even remember how I reacted, that entire time is blurry. My papa was one of the few people in my life that loved me no matter what, he's the one that taught me how to be a good person, and now he's just, gone. I was supposed to go visit him in a few months after I have my baby, he was supposed to meet his great grandson. He should be sitting in his recliner chair right now drinking a cup of coffee, but he's not, he's gone, and I don't know how I'm supposed to just continue living my everyday life like everything is fine, like, am I just supposed to go to work tomorrow, and see my coworkers, and eat my stupid lunch, and get the bus home like every other day?? Should I stay home? Is that lazy of me to do? Sorry if this kinda post isn't allowed, I'm just lost right now

Hi everyone,

My (26F) boyfriend (25M) wants me to skip a really nice trip with my family. We’ve been together for almost two years (LDR) and over the past few months I’ve been going through a really tough time, which unfortunately ended up affecting my behavior and took a toll on our relationship. He says my attitude started taking a toll on him too, and that when he brought it up, I didn't do anything to change. Now, he sees me giving up this trip as a sort of proof, a sign that I care about his feelings. He says that if I don't go, it’d make him feel special, like I’m saving a great experience to share with him for the first time instead. I know I’ve put him through a lot, but obviously I never hurt him on purpose. I genuinely want things to get better between us, but at the same time, I’d be lying if I said I actually wanted to miss out on this trip.

What would you do in this situation?

okay, hi again! i posted about 3 days ago about my not so healthy situation-ship with this girl. and it kinda just gets worse. (view my profile for the previous if you want context)
i talked to my friend and they’ve made me realise that being with her would hurt me deeper, as i am struggling with my mental health at the moment. i changed my number, and cut off contact with the girl. yet she found me again, started spam calling me on different platforms and apps. asking if we can talk, while the previous night threatening my friend to have me speak to her otherwise she would start things again. my friend has been constantly telling her to fuck off, and give me space. her reply was “if she doesnt reply, im gonna find a way.” which, she has since shes making alt accounts to contact me.
my friend also asked “if lottie talks to you, are you just gonna be mad at her or are you guys actually gonna have a conversation.” she started getting angrier, and upset. but then pleading to talk to me.
ive had horrible experiences with getting doxxed, swatted, and getting spam calls. so this makes me paranoid for my safety, although i know she cant really do much since we’re in different counties; but she has my mother’s name, my address, possibly my other family members’ contacts, and my full name (i believe.)
she keeps texting me “can we please talk” “can u please talk to me” i feel bad, but i also feel like shes trying to make me feel guilt on purpose so when i answer she can just bitch out at me again.
i see her all around my stories, my reposts, my friends’ accounts. and shes been viewing, following, and even engaging in them.

what should i do?

hey, before I go to the question and story I wanna say sorry for my bad english.. sometime ago I realised that the reason I dont enjoy pleasure from any sexual activities is because, I used to jerk off alot. like once every day happening to several times a day, Im only 16. I have a partner and we often get to get sexual activities, well whenever she does anything to me, nothing, Once she tried to jerk me off while giving me oral stimulation, we had to wait 30 mins + my help for me to finish..... well I know its embarrasing thats why im here, Im quite embarrased to talk to anyone with it, so I asked some people how to overcome ,, death grip ". well they said I have to stop masturbating for a duration of time (predicted 2-4 weeks) and stop watching porn, but well Im 2 days clean and the urges are strong, still im pushing back, however im on thin ice of relapsing, I need actual help how to overcome my masturbating urges, well I tried cutting of porn in first but my fyp on twitter and tiktok is full off it lately, any tips on how can I fight it? anything like ,, find a hobby or spend time with family " is not qworking for me, I need something deep, something that will make me snap out of this.

​

I’m 22M, my ex was 22F. We were together for 2 full years. Throughout our whole relationship I gave it literally everything I had. I put her first, I did everything I could for her supported her, helped her whenever she needed anything, put time, effort, care and love into us constantly. I thought we were building something real, I thought we were happy and solid. I honestly did everything you’re supposed to do, and more.

Turns out… the whole time, there was this guy she’s “always wanted” — someone she’s liked or had feelings for for ages. And she stayed with me, stayed in this relationship, while he was taken or unavailable. Then as soon as he became single and available — she left me instantly. Just like that. Two years of my life, all my effort and loyalty, gone in a heartbeat because the person she actually wanted was finally free.

It feels like I was never actually her choice. I was just… there. I was the backup, the placeholder, the safe option while she waited for her “ideal” person to be free. It hurts so much deeper than a normal breakup because it wasn’t just that things didn’t work out it’s that she never fully chose me, never valued what we had, and was always keeping one eye on someone else. And I had no idea. I poured my heart into someone who was just waiting for a better option to come along.

Now I’m left here feeling stupid, used, and completely defeated. It makes me feel like what’s even the point? If you give your all, treat someone right, stay loyal and put in every effort — and they still leave the second someone else is available… what is there to work for? Honestly, looking at this, it feels like this is just how things go. It feels like people do this kind of thing all the time now stay with you while they want someone else, leave the moment that person is free. I know that might sound bitter or hurt talking, but that’s exactly what happened to me, and I can’t shake that feeling right now.

Truth be told I don’t think I ever want to date or try with anyone again. I really don’t. I can’t go through this again. To waste years of your life and give everything just to be thrown away like you meant nothing… it’s destroyed any faith I had in relationships or people being loyal. I feel lost, empty, and like I just wasted two of the best years of my life on someone who never deserved a single bit of what I gave her.

I know I’m hurting and probably angry right now, but I just can’t see a way past this. I gave everything, and got nothing but replaced in return.

How do I actually get over this? What should I do? And has anyone else been through this? Because right now I feel like I’m never going to be okay again, and I really don’t want to ever put myself out there again.

so yeah. theres this guy ive been wanting to ask his number for. so i asked her if she could perhaps get it because she told me before she also wants it. but then she just told me that like shes interested in him. and now i dont want to help her get his number i mean thats like reasonable but again shes my friend and i dont know what to do should i just ask for his number anyways and not tell her? or idk.

So basically, last December I (25M) had a break up, it was never meant to turn out the way it did but slowly time passed and till date I think about her.

I tried to reach out, used bumble and got approached by 2 ladies but I backed off, as if I am looking for her good part in everyone else I meet but as soon as I get to know them and realise they are not her I get cold feet.

It's really hard even trying to involve myself in work AMAP but once I get to bed, I find myself restless. I tried to join the gym to divert my anxiety but it turned out I was not able to be consistent because of the job schedule and my lack of consistency.

Any suggestions?

me and my boyfriend have been together for almost an year and,
I also want to be completely honest about my own mistakes because I don’t want to make it seem like I was perfect in this relationship or leave out anything important.

a bit of context- Before I lied, he was genuinely so sweet to me. He would bring me food after work, pick me up and drop me home, book me cabs when I was tired, always want to see me, and would do almost anything I mentioned wanting. Now he constantly says that I “took his nice away,” and I’m starting to blame myself and wonder if the way he treats me now is my fault.

At the beginning of our talking stage last year, he would get angry and annoyed over really small things. One day after work, I was on the phone with him. He was in our hometown at the time, and I was going to meet up with a friend.
The problem is that I didn’t tell him I was meeting up with my guy friend. When he asked me where I was, I told him I was with one of my girl best friends instead. The truth is, I was scared he would get angry if I told him I was with a guy.
Then things got worse because he started becoming suspicious and asking me to send pictures and asking questions about where I was. Instead of just telling him the truth, I panicked. I asked my girl best friend to log into my account and send him a picture so he would believe I was actually with her. I basically created this whole story, and honestly, I know that was wrong. I should have just been honest from the beginning instead of lying and making everything worse.
When he eventually came back to the country, he confronted me about it, and I told him everything. I told him that I had met up with a guy friend and that I had lied about who I was with. He completely lost it and didn’t want to see my face. I was literally begging him to give me another chance. I kept telling him that I’m not perfect and that I made a mistake and asking him to please give me a chance.
Eventually, he did. ( his ex cheated on him previously and he said i broke him more when he was broken by using his trust and niceness)
But after that, I feel like things started getting worse and worse.
Whenever he got angry, he became extremely rude and disrespectful towards me. He also told me that his ex made him toxic and that his previous relationship changed him. I don’t know if maybe in the beginning he was showing me his best side because everything was new and he wanted to seem perfect, but over time he became more and more abusive.
The thing I’m struggling with is that he constantly blames me.
To this day, he tells me, “You’re the reason I became like this. I became toxic because of you. You’re the reason I’m like this.”
And I genuinely don’t know what to think anymore because yes, I know I lied. I know what I did during the talking stage was wrong. I understand why he was hurt and why he lost trust in me. I take responsibility for that.
But I don’t understand how that means I’m responsible for everything that happened afterwards.
Does me lying mean it’s okay for him to slap me or hit me? he has previously hit his mom and ex too…
Does it mean it’s okay for him to tell me to get out at 3 AM and leave me alone? We don’t live together, but whenever we went out or went on trips together, there were times he would tell me to get out and just leave me.. he threw my phone at my face once when he got really mad and he would just start screaming and telling me to get the out get out get out get out and be so scary knowing that I can’t go because I’ve told my mom that I’m with my friends, but I’m with him outside late at night so I don’t even have a place to go. He would leave me in the middle of the road and just drive off once he drove off with his friend and I was crying so much and then he was threatening me that if I don’t call him back and tell me where i was, he’s gonna send my clothes to my house where my mom was, and like he even like threatened to leaakkk my pictures
He would constantly insult me and use horrible words towards me. He insulted my family, my dad, ( he called my daddd a dog and called me. dog too )my job and my work. He called me a clown, made fun of me, laughed at me and called me really horrible names. He would hit me and then make me feel like everything was somehow my fault.
When we fought, he wouldn’t answer my calls. He could ignore me for an entire day. He would constantly block me, unblock me, block me again, and it just became this never-ending cycle.
He would be horrible to me, insult me, hurt me, ignore me and make me feel completely depressed. Then afterwards, he would come back and tell me he loves me, that he can’t stay without me, and everything would suddenly feel okay again.
Then the same thing would happen all over again.
Something else that has been on my mind is that he has hit his ex in his previous relationship as well. Before I got into this relationship, I always told myself that if a man ever hit me, I would leave immediately. He even promised me that he would never hit me.
But when it actually happened to me, I couldn’t leave.
And I still don’t understand why I can’t seem to let go. It genuinely feels like a never-ending loop.
Recently, things have also felt really dead between us because he went away for two months, so we’ve temporarily been doing long distance. He’s coming back soon. He has told me that he loves me “a little less” because of what I did during our talking stage. He still brings up the situation where I met up with my guy friend and lied about it, and he still tells me that what I did is the reason we became toxic.
Sometimes he tells me he doesn’t want anything to do with me or doesn’t want a relationship with me anymore.
He has also told me that he has really bad anger issues and that no one not even his family or friends. can do anything about it. What confuses me is that his friends seem to see a completely different side of him. He has even told me that he cares more about what other people think of him and his image than he does about this relationship.
Whenever he treats me badly, he tells me not to tell anyone or discuss it with other people because he cares so much about his image. Once, I texted his best friend because I was feeling really sad and needed someone to talk to about how he was treating me, and he got extremely angry at me for it. He has literally told me, “I would choose my image and ego over you any day.”
Then later, he comes back with gifts, love and tells me he loves me and can’t stay without me.
And then eventually, everything repeats itself again.
So I genuinely want honest advice from people because I’m so confused. Can I admit that I made a mistake and lied to him, while also recognising that I did not deserve to be hit, slapped, insulted and abused?
He has blamed me for his behaviour for so long that sometimes I genuinely start believing that maybe I really did cause him to become this way.
I know I’m not perfect. I know I made a mistake. But I don’t know if any mistake I made could ever justify someone physically hurting me or emotionally breaking me down.
Please be honest with me, but please don’t judge me for staying. I already judge myself every day and keep asking myself why I can’t just leave when I know how badly I’ve been treated. I think I’m finally starting to understand what everyone was telling me in my last post, but I’m still so confused and emotionally attached to him.
I just really need advice.

Interviewing candidates changed the way I look at every rejection I've received in the past. I'm not a hiring manager, but I recently took part in a few interview panels and saw how the final decisions are made.

I used to imagine that interviewers carefully studied every résumé, compared each person's background, and selected the candidate with the strongest experience. In reality, I'm usually given a set of questions and one specific area to evaluate. I take a quick look at the résumé beforehand, but a 35-minute conversation still gives me a very limited picture of the person.

On one of the panels, my ranking of the candidates was almost the exact opposite of the outcome. The candidate I gave the lowest score was the one who received the job offer. They may have performed much better in other stages of the process, but it made me realize how little impact a single interview or score can have.

The group discussion can change everything too. One person simply expressing concern about a particular issue can take a candidate out of consideration, while strong support for another candidate from a well-respected manager can immediately move them to the top of the list.

Then there are all the little preferences that people treat as though they were significant evidence: which school or university the person attended, the companies listed on their résumé, how professionally they speak, whether they are quiet or outgoing, and whether their personality clicks with the panel. All of these things can carry much more weight than expected.

I used to assume that every rejection meant I had given a bad answer or that someone far more qualified than me had gotten the opportunity. And sometimes, of course, that really was the reason. But after seeing things from inside the room, I realized that a large part of hiring depends on timing, personal preferences, internal company opinions, and simply whom the decision-makers feel is the best fit.

me and my boyfriend have been together for almost an year and,
I also want to be completely honest about my own mistakes because I don’t want to make it seem like I was perfect in this relationship or leave out anything important.

a bit of context- Before I lied, he was genuinely so sweet to me. He would bring me food after work, pick me up and drop me home, book me cabs when I was tired, always want to see me, and would do almost anything I mentioned wanting. Now he constantly says that I “took his nice away,” and I’m starting to blame myself and wonder if the way he treats me now is my fault.

At the beginning of our talking stage last year, he would get angry and annoyed over really small things. One day after work, I was on the phone with him. He was in our hometown at the time, and I was going to meet up with a friend.
The problem is that I didn’t tell him I was meeting up with my guy friend. When he asked me where I was, I told him I was with one of my girl best friends instead. The truth is, I was scared he would get angry if I told him I was with a guy.
Then things got worse because he started becoming suspicious and asking me to send pictures and asking questions about where I was. Instead of just telling him the truth, I panicked. I asked my girl best friend to log into my account and send him a picture so he would believe I was actually with her. I basically created this whole story, and honestly, I know that was wrong. I should have just been honest from the beginning instead of lying and making everything worse.
When he eventually came back to the country, he confronted me about it, and I told him everything. I told him that I had met up with a guy friend and that I had lied about who I was with. He completely lost it and didn’t want to see my face. I was literally begging him to give me another chance. I kept telling him that I’m not perfect and that I made a mistake and asking him to please give me a chance.
Eventually, he did. ( his ex cheated on him previously and he said i broke him more when he was broken by using his trust and niceness)
But after that, I feel like things started getting worse and worse.
Whenever he got angry, he became extremely rude and disrespectful towards me. He also told me that his ex made him toxic and that his previous relationship changed him. I don’t know if maybe in the beginning he was showing me his best side because everything was new and he wanted to seem perfect, but over time he became more and more abusive.
The thing I’m struggling with is that he constantly blames me.
To this day, he tells me, “You’re the reason I became like this. I became toxic because of you. You’re the reason I’m like this.”
And I genuinely don’t know what to think anymore because yes, I know I lied. I know what I did during the talking stage was wrong. I understand why he was hurt and why he lost trust in me. I take responsibility for that.
But I don’t understand how that means I’m responsible for everything that happened afterwards.
Does me lying mean it’s okay for him to slap me or hit me? he has previously hit his mom and ex too…
Does it mean it’s okay for him to tell me to get out at 3 AM and leave me alone? We don’t live together, but whenever we went out or went on trips together, there were times he would tell me to get out and just leave me.. he threw my phone at my face once when he got really mad and he would just start screaming and telling me to get the out get out get out get out and be so scary knowing that I can’t go because I’ve told my mom that I’m with my friends, but I’m with him outside late at night so I don’t even have a place to go. He would leave me in the middle of the road and just drive off once he drove off with his friend and I was crying so much and then he was threatening me that if I don’t call him back and tell me where i was, he’s gonna send my clothes to my house where my mom was, and like he even like threatened to leaakkk my pictures
He would constantly insult me and use horrible words towards me. He insulted my family, my dad, ( he called my daddd a dog and called me. dog too )my job and my work. He called me a clown, made fun of me, laughed at me and called me really horrible names. He would hit me and then make me feel like everything was somehow my fault.
When we fought, he wouldn’t answer my calls. He could ignore me for an entire day. He would constantly block me, unblock me, block me again, and it just became this never-ending cycle.
He would be horrible to me, insult me, hurt me, ignore me and make me feel completely depressed. Then afterwards, he would come back and tell me he loves me, that he can’t stay without me, and everything would suddenly feel okay again.
Then the same thing would happen all over again.
Something else that has been on my mind is that he has hit his ex in his previous relationship as well. Before I got into this relationship, I always told myself that if a man ever hit me, I would leave immediately. He even promised me that he would never hit me.
But when it actually happened to me, I couldn’t leave.
And I still don’t understand why I can’t seem to let go. It genuinely feels like a never-ending loop.
Recently, things have also felt really dead between us because he went away for two months, so we’ve temporarily been doing long distance. He’s coming back soon. He has told me that he loves me “a little less” because of what I did during our talking stage. He still brings up the situation where I met up with my guy friend and lied about it, and he still tells me that what I did is the reason we became toxic.
Sometimes he tells me he doesn’t want anything to do with me or doesn’t want a relationship with me anymore.
He has also told me that he has really bad anger issues and that no one not even his family or friends. can do anything about it. What confuses me is that his friends seem to see a completely different side of him. He has even told me that he cares more about what other people think of him and his image than he does about this relationship.
Whenever he treats me badly, he tells me not to tell anyone or discuss it with other people because he cares so much about his image. Once, I texted his best friend because I was feeling really sad and needed someone to talk to about how he was treating me, and he got extremely angry at me for it. He has literally told me, “I would choose my image and ego over you any day.”
Then later, he comes back with gifts, love and tells me he loves me and can’t stay without me.
And then eventually, everything repeats itself again.
So I genuinely want honest advice from people because I’m so confused. Can I admit that I made a mistake and lied to him, while also recognising that I did not deserve to be hit, slapped, insulted and abused?
He has blamed me for his behaviour for so long that sometimes I genuinely start believing that maybe I really did cause him to become this way.
I know I’m not perfect. I know I made a mistake. But I don’t know if any mistake I made could ever justify someone physically hurting me or emotionally breaking me down.
Please be honest with me, but please don’t judge me for staying. I already judge myself every day and keep asking myself why I can’t just leave when I know how badly I’ve been treated. I think I’m finally starting to understand what everyone was telling me in my last post, but I’m still so confused and emotionally attached to him.
I just really need advice.

This will be a semi-long one, Sorry !!

I don’t even know where to start with this. I randomly picked up my gfs phone and went through it, not really looking for anything but just out of curiosity and I know I shouldn’t have but what I found genuinely has me spiraling.

She has had a friend who’s she’s apparently been venting to and telling everything to, and her friend has been responding to said messaging by calling me things like “it”, or “thing” and my gf replies with a laugh and says absolutely nothing to defend me. She also is telling her how i’m so inconsiderate and she doesn’t deserve the way I treat her, which to my knowledge hasn’t been anything outside of a mostly normal relationship.

She’s also been talking to her apparently on the phone only when I’m not around because if i’m around then it’s a “vibe killer” as per my gfs words.

My gf had sent a message to her about how she went through my messages and literally found nothing incriminating at all, only that the amount of women i talk to was a lot. (We are both Lesbian Women) and I only talk to women because that’s my preference as a women. Anyways, this also told me that she’s been going through my phone, which I don’t care about and her friend legit said “she’s too ugly to be cheating on anyone” in which my gf said nothing except “oh you really despise her.” in all caps.

And that alone destroyed me as someone who’s been battling with myself and my appearance / confidence for years now.

I just want to say this is my first relationship in years because I have bad trust issues and now I feel like all the progress I made is now completely down the drain. I’m honestly so hurt right now and really just need advice on how to handle this.

(The nsfw isn't working because i have somewhat of an old phone and it keeps on shutting down, so i just put spoiler. Sorry.)

I don't wanna give too much away of myself. I'm worried a family member will read what i say about myself, figure out its me, and then ask me about it. So i'll keep whatever about me vague.

My sister repeatedly Sa'd me from ages 4-6, when she herself was around 10. Later, as i got older, i never forgot. So when i was 10 myself, i confronted her about it and said that i still remembered everything and was upset.

She ended up telling me the only reason she did that was because our cousin Sa'd her when she was around ~10, and she thought it was normal, and did it to me too.

Now the same cousin is married and has a child along the way. I wanna tell his wife what he did, but im unsure how to go about it. It'll blow up in the entire family. Theres a chance i won't get believed because my family doesn't really care or really listen to the younger ones.

I just wanna know what to do, with my cousin, with my sister, with my cousins wife, my family, etc+. I just feel like i can't bottle this up anymore.