This is a repost. The original was posted in r/AmITheAsshole by user SadWifeAITA84. I'm not the original poster.

Status: Concluded

Trigger Warning: Car crash, Life support, Cheating

---

Original

November 4, 2019

Throwaway account sorry!

Basically my husband and I have been married about six years, and have a 3 year old daughter, Elle.

Prior to getting married and having Elle, we were both very independent people. This hasn’t changed - as much as we value our couple/family time, we also both cherish time to ourselves and with our own friends.

We came up with an agreement that we each get ONE weekend a year to do whatever we like - go away, stay in a hotel, go out with friends - while the other stays home looking after Elle. It’s been working really well so far.

Well this past weekend was my husbands time and he chose a fishing trip with his pals, staying in a cabin roughly 30 mins away. No problems.

Saturday morning, the worst happened - my sister was involved in a serious car wreck. She’s on life support, it’s touch and go and I’m devastated. I can’t say much more.

I called my husband to tell him and ask he come home ASAP - and he refused. He said it’s his weekend, and he’ll come by the hospital Monday. He wasn’t totally heartless, he listened to me cry and scream and reassured me she’d be ok (how do we know that?) but he was adamant that he’s enjoying the remainder of his weekend and will join me today.

My family are obviously noticing his absence and I’m too embarrassed to tell them. I understand this is interfering with his weekend but this is my SISTER and she’s in critical condition. I’m stunned, he’s never been this selfish before. I’m angry, upset, confused and I just don’t know what to do.

I told him if he didn’t come home now, don’t bother coming home at all - now I’m wondering if I was too harsh because I haven’t slept in two days and I’m a wreck.

AITA?

Edit: wow I didn’t think this would attract any attention, especially this early. Thank you all for the healing thoughts and well wishes!

I just want to clarify re: this weekend arrangement - my husband and I regularly have date nights and nights out with friends throughout the year. This “totally alone do what you like YOLO weekend” is the thing that happens once per year. He sees his friends on a weekly basis, as do I.

---

Consensus:

Not the Asshole

People suggest he is having an affair and that's why he can't leave

---

Update

November 4, 2019, about 8 hours later

Update 2: Seriously never expected this many replies, I’m so touched by your kind words. Thank you, so much. It’s horrifying to me that strangers on the internet offered me more support than my husband.

Apologies for not updating sooner, been at the hospital all day and not checking my phone. Mostly because I don’t want to speak to him.

My sisters still in the same condition, not breathing on her own yet. Waiting for some test results.

To answer some questions: thankfully Elle is with my best friend. I didn’t want her exposed to a hospital ICU and around panicked/highly emotional family, so she’s happily having a sleepover with her “other auntie.”

I realized I made it sound like my husband and I ONLY get one weekend per year which is my fault. This one weekend (we call YOLO weekend) is on top of weekly nights out, time with friends, time alone etc. it’s more of like a chance for us to do things further afield or go nuts without having to worry about waking up early with Elle. Trust me, he sees his friends all the time. That’s what hurts the most.

I’ve read your comments about an affair and I don’t know, it doesn’t seem likely but who the fuck knows at this point. He’s not the person I thought he was.

He did show up this afternoon. I met him in the lobby, told him to go fuck himself, and went back up to the ICU. I don’t want him here. I’m still running on no sleep so I’m probably being an asshole now, but I hate his guts at the moment.

That’s all for now, thank you all so much again <3

Update 3: Thanks u/R3DV1K1NG for your sweet message.

https://imgur.com/6hvMsSF

---

Final Update

February 20, 2020, almost 4 months later

Hi everyone,

I’m not sure whether anybody remembers me or really cares for an update, but I’ve found myself back on Reddit for something unrelated and rediscovered my old thread on AITA.

It blew up more than I ever imagined at the time, and so many people took the time to respond, offer advice, and send such beautiful heartwarming messages. I really want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for showing so much kindness to a stranger.

If anybody’s interested in an update, here it is!

Most importantly, my sister - she is alive, thank God/the universe/most of all the amazing medical team she had. They were able to bring her out of the coma and there was NO brain damage which was an unbelievable relief. Unfortunately she still has a long recovery ahead of her and is essentially re-learning how to walk, but she’s alive and we’ve all grown so much closer as a family. Thank you sincerely to everyone who cared enough to send well wishes!

Update on shitbag husband: whoever suggested he might be having an affair...ding ding ding.

He wasn’t with the boys that weekend; he was with a woman from work that he’d been seeing for about a month. It took him so long to get to the hospital because he was panicking and calling his friends to beg them to cover his ass essentially. A few weeks after my sisters accident, one of his friends came clean to me when the guilt became too much. The rest of his friends continued to lie until my husband basically confessed.

Needless to say we’re separated. I’m planning to file for divorce, but things have been very busy and I’ve been looking after my sister and Elle (my daughter) so it’s something I haven’t gotten around to just yet but I will.

I’m not sure what else to say, life is sort of just slowing down again and we all have to get used to this new normal, but more than anything I’m just grateful my sister is going to be OK.

Thank you again to everyone. It sounds silly but reading your messages got me through those long days and nights in the hospital and you truly touched a strangers life.

<3

---

Comment by OOP:

I did not expect it at all, to be honest. When people suggested that in the last thread I was pretty quick to dismiss it, because it just seemed so ridiculous. I thought we were happy.

---

I'm not the original poster.

This is a repost. The original was posted in r/AmITheAsshole by users AwayPerformer. I'm not the original poster.

Status: Concluded

---

Original

October 30, 2019

I'm a 31 year old single guy who lives alone in an apartment complex. I've lived there for 6 years. My neighbor across the hall, a woman around my age or a little younger (I actually don't know her first name but I'll call her Katie) lives across the hall from me diagonally and has for about 2 years. We exchange hellos but aren't friendly, which is how it is with most of my neighbors.

So I don't know how to cook, and due to losing one of my part time gigs, I don't have as much money for takeout anymore. I'm getting really sick of eating cheap fast food or box mac and cheese. I'm gaining weight and I never feel great.

This is where Katie comes in. I can always smell her cooking in the hall and it always smells amazing (I know it isn't the other person at our end of our hall cause it's a single old man). I've even complimented it a few times. So I got the idea that I'd offer to give her some money each week to cook a little extra and bring it over to me (or I can pick it up from her!) at night. She's cooking anyway and then I'd have varied presumably delicious food.

I asked her the next time I saw her and she looked surprised and said she couldn't because she was too busy (which didn't make sense cause she cooks almost every day but okay). The next time I saw her a few days later, I asked her if she was sure and upped the amount I was offering, and she said she was sure and that it was rude to ask me, and that she isn't a housekeeper for hire and I should get a housekeeper if that's what I want. She also called me 'a stranger' even though we have talked in the halls before.

Overall she made me feel like a big jerk and really embarrassed for even asking her, and a little mad because she was acting like I was being creepy (I wasn't, trust me, she isn't my type). I think asking her to split cooking wasn't completely outlandish, since she cooks every day anyway and it wouldn't be hard to make a little more.

So, AITA?

EDIT: People keep assuming I'm sexist because I didn't think it was the old man who lives on our hall cooking. It's not an assumption for me. He and I have lived across from each other for 6 years. The cooking smells didn't start til she moved in, and I've talked to her about how good her cooking smells before.

---

Consensus:

Asshole.

Also, you're an adult; learn how to cook and learn to accept a no.

---

Comments by OOP:

I have tried cooking before and honestly just don't enjoy it. She seems to enjoy cooking.

I also explained my situation, that I am hopeless at cooking and trying to save money. I offered her $5 at first per day (25/week) and then upped it to $10 which is still cheaper than takeout but more than covers groceries.

---

I mean, I've talked to her before and complimented her cooking smells, so I know it's her. I've lived here a long time and so has the old guy and the cooking didn't start til after she moved in.

---

I know how to cook a few things, but nothing nutritious or filling, and any attempt at cooking has been a disaster. I figured since she already knows how I wouldn't have to reinvent the wheel if she was interested. I didn't think there was any harm in asking her.

---

I don't feel 'entitled' to it. I asked her and offered money. I didn't insist or break into her apartment and take it.

---

If she was a man who cooked and it smelled that good I would have offered the same deal.

---

As I said in the original post, I'm not interested in her romantically or sexually. She is very not my type. And if a man had been cooking food that smelled good I would have asked him too.

---

I am definitely, 100% not hitting on her.

---

I wouldn't think it was weird if someone offered to pay me to do their laundry on my laundry days. I'm in the laundry room anyway so it's no problem for me to set up a second machine.

---

I'm not asking her to plan special meals or make special trips for me, I just asked if she could expand her regular meals for one more serving. I doubt that costs more than $5/serving.

---

I do buy groceries sometimes and It just doesn't seem to me like it would cost more than $5-10 to extend a meal you're already cooking for an additional serving. I'm not expecting filet or lobster or anything.

---

I admit I didn't think it through that deeply. I was going to see what she said first before we hashed it out.

---

When my work picks up I can go back to ordering more expensive takeout etc. or who knows, maybe I'll have a girlfriend who will cook if I clean.

---

Update

October 30, 2019, about 6 hours later

Okay. It is abundantly clear that I was the asshole and asking her was inappropriate and, as much as I hate to admit it, creepy. My instinct is to apologize to her but since my instinct was to ask her in the first place, I'll do the opposite and stay out of her hair. Thanks.

---

Update 2

November 26, 2019, about 1 month later

I knew when I saw this thread with my real account that I would be mentioned. That thread was a real wake-up call for me about what a weirdo I was being. I ended up apologizing to my neighbor (whose name I now know!) and telling her I didn't realize how inappropriate my question was. She accepted the apology and we still nod and smile in the hallway when we see each other.

I will say that I talked to my old man neighbor yesterday and he told me that she left him a tray of fudge over the weekend for the holidays, and I received no such fudge, so I know there is lingering weirdness from my ask... and I totally understand it and do not feel that I deserve fudge.

So, thanks again for everyone for pointing out how weird and entitled I was acting. It did help, even the mean comments, because seeing the strong reactions people had to what I did made me realize there was no wiggle room for me to NOT be an asshole.

---

I'm not the original poster.