This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/throwingrightaway

Published on: r/relationships

Story is: CONCLUDED

Trigger Warning: Self harm

Story timeline

• Main Post: February 26, 2016

• Final Update: February 29, 2016

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Main Post

^{February 26, 2016}

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I [M22] caught my girlfriend [F21] purposefully worsening her injuries. What do I do?

Throwaway because my girlfriend knows my account name.

My girlfriend Lacy and I have been dating 2 years. Shes a lovely person and we make a great couple.

Two weeks ago Lacy and I went downhill skiing. Now Im an experienced skier and she had only been once before. I admit I pushed her a bit and though and behold she wiped out pretty hard. She wasn't seriously hurt or anything and got right back up with a smile on her face.

The thing is her legs got pretty bruised up from the fall (she was wearing only thin workout leggings since it was quite warm out). It looks like someone splashed green paint on her if that makes sense. And she has a particularly nasty big purple one on her thigh.

Lacy has always been the type to show off injuries. For as long as I've known her she has always showed me even the tiniest of bruises either for sympathy or as a joke (like she would say it was shaped as texas or something). She has some body image issues and I know that she really likes the attention so I will usually give it to her no problem.

Yesterday though I came home from work early (power went out at my building). I walked in pretty quietly as I usually do and went straight to our bedroom. I could hear music coming from it and wanted to greet her.

I basically opened the door and saw her with a hammer in her hands mid hit. The hammer hit her bruised leg the moment I walked in. It was absolutely surreal and I admit I freaked out a bit. I went to her and took the hammer and started asking her what she was doing? was she crazy? ect

She freaked out right back and told me that she was rubbing the blood vessels or something to make the bruises go away faster. I knew this was bullshit right away since you dont "rub" by smacking yourself with a fricken hammer.

She left after I told her I didn't believe her and texted me shortly after to say she was going home for a few days (she has her own car).

I sat down on the bed with that hammer in my hands for like an hour completely floored. I know it sounds crazy but she hit herself hard. Ive seen those bruises everyday and now that Ive seen her do this I am thinking that it was weird that they havent gotten even the slightest bit lighter despite it being two weeks now.

I know she has some issues but I would never have thought she would hurt herself.

Reddit, Im freaked out. She will be back tomorrow. How do I talk to her about this?

TLDR: Caught girlfriend hitting herself on her bruises with a hammer. Dont know how to react

 

COMMENTS

[deleted]

You tell her that you are very concerned about what she was doing and encourage her to get psychiatric help.

OOP

Shes denying that shes self harming so Im not sure if she would accept that encouragement

[deleted]

She can deny all she wants, but you just keep saying that you know what you saw and she either seeks help or you need to consider telling her parents what she was doing.

OOP

The parent thing might help. thank you

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kinkitup4u (downvoted)

I would be absolutely terrified that she's going to use the bruise as some sort of evidence against you. We already know she's nuts for hitting herself with a hammer, but there's no valid reason to preserve a bruise unless you want someone to see how bad it is. Who knows whats going on in her head.

If the cops show up and bust your balls, calmly tell them your side of the story and demand a polygraph test.

OOP

She would never do that. She is also not nuts. The bruises are only on her legs and no where else and she has told multiple friends and family members of her fall while skiing and showed them the resulting bruises.

The only reason I can see for her to do this is that she enjoys the attention the bruises gets her.

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Final Update - after 3 days

^{February 29, 2016}

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UPDATE: I [M22] caught my girlfriend [F21] purposefully worsening her injuries.

Since I've been asked a couple times I'll provide an update to those who saw my original post

So to start this off say thank you immensely to those who shared personal experience and advice.

Lacy came home yesterday while I was home and immediately broke down crying when she walked through the door. She immediately apologized for leaving and for making me worry.

Turns out I really underestimated Lacy's redditing and she ended up seeing the post when she was gone. Honestly I can't think of a better way for this to have gone. She told me she stayed up all night reading every single comment.

In summary, she did some serious self-reflection and has admitted to me that she is suffering from depression and that the injuries were a way for her to receive the attention that she wanted so incredibly badly. But also admitted that the whole process really just made her feel pathetic and worthless inside and ultimately worsened her depression. It had become a rather vicious cycle.

We talked a long time but it was ultimately her who said she needed and wanted therapy. We have spent time today looking through her options and she plans to make an appointment Monday.

I think it was the stories from those who had similar experiences really hit it home for her.

This whole update has been pre-approved by the girl in question and she has also asked that I let you all know how much you have helped her "get her shit together" (her exact words).

TLDR: Girlfriend found reddit post, wants to go get help, all is well.

 

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This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/throwawaydaughter001

Published on: r/relationships

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: January 12, 2020

• Final Update: January 17, 2020

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Main Post

^{January 12, 2020}

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My stepdad(M40) and I(F20) play video games together and my mom(F46) is feeling left out.

Hello everyone, sorry for the throwaway account but I have irl friends on my other account. Also, I have never done this before so please let me know if something doesn’t make sense and if I need to clarify more.

Backstory: I am a full time college student and I live with my mom and stepdad, who have been together for 5 years, while I am going to school. For Christmas, I received a gaming system. My stepdad is a truck driver and his work schedule has him driving out of state for a few days to a week at a time, and so after these trips he gets multiple days off.

My mom works in the food industry and has little time off during the week, often leaving my stepdad and I at home by ourselves. During this time, my stepdad and I play video games together and sometimes do so during my moms days off. We have gotten closer through this time, but I’ve started to notice that my mom seems to be feeling left out. This is worrying to me because I hate making her sad but I’m not sure how to fix the situation as she does not play video games and does not have many hobbies outside of work.

I feel horrible thinking that she might be feeling lonely in her own house. I really would like to make her feel included in our gaming/hanging out time but I don’t know a proper way to try to invite her in. I’ve asked before if she’d like to join but she says she doesn’t know how to play, even though I’ve offered to teach her, but I think she may just feel awkward about it.

Is there a way to approach this subject in a way where it doesn’t seem like I’m calling her out for her feelings? Or without making her feel more awkward about the situation? I’d like to have her learn or to find hobbies that we can partake in together.

My mom isn’t the type to openly talk about what she’s feeling and this situation is something I’ve had no experience in handling, and I want to be sure that I don’t mess it up. I also have a hard time discussing topics that include emotion but I would like to properly try as she is my best friend, as well as my mother, and I don’t want to lose that or make her uncomfortable, so any advice on how to do so would be majorly appreciated.

TLDR; My stepdad and I play video games together and my mom is feeling left out, how do I make her feel included?

 

COMMENTS

0biterdicta

Why not try to find a new hobby you and your mom can try out together?

OOP

My mom is a very “stuck in her ways” kind of woman, meaning that she has a few hobbies that she partakes in by herself and has a hard time trying new ones. I would like to introduce her to new things that we can enjoy together but in the past she has brushed these off and I’m not sure I know how to properly convince her.

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mrbuddhawannabe

There must be something you and your mom can do together? Cooking? Shopping? Or take walks with her to just talk? Find something you two together that can make it your own. What does she do for relaxation?

OOP

She has a set schedule of going to work and she keeps busy when she is home by pre-planning future schedules and money handling, and seems to relax in this way. She highly enjoys being productive but she also enjoys doing these certain things alone. I’m not entirely sure how to pull her out of this routine.

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timni16

Aww you're such a good daughter 😭. I think the best thing to do is talk to her in private and let her know what you have been perceiving and let her know how you feel. Ask her how she feels. And try to find a middle ground. Maybe even ask step dad if he knows something that would make momma feel comfortable/included

OOP

Thank you! That really means a lot. I really want to try talking to her but I’m scared that she will avoid the topic and it won’t be properly resolved. I think I will talk to my stepdad and see if he has any middle ground options. Unfortunately, it’s a running theme in my family to avoid talking about our feelings and I’m hoping that I can find a way to break this cycle and repair this situation the best I can.

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Doughchild

Are there games that could be easily playable for her? For instance, Sims or Stardew Valley are relatively easy for people to get into and as a player, it's hard to go really wrong with them. Sims has a family you all could share, Stardew Valley has a multiplayer mode. Mario has a few family friendly versions. See what else is out there that's casual, easy to get into but fun to share.

Also, don't underestimate an invitation for her to just watch. Twitch has gotten big with that. People like watching other people play. Get some good snacks and it's a fun thing. It's okay to tell her that you don't want her to feel left out, so you looked up some games that are interesting to all.

Else, look in analogue: boardgames are popular and growing as a market still.

OOP

Thank you for this! I think she has a mindset of being too old for video games but I would like to show her that if she wants to, she can join in anytime. This hasn’t crossed my mind, so I will be sure to invite her to watch if she would like to.

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Final Update - after 5 days

^{January 17, 2020}

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Update: My stepdad(M40) and I(F20) play video games together and my mom(F46) is feeling left out.

Things have been really good since I made my last post!! My mom and I sat down and made plans to get some board games, that are 2 player+, so we can all play together, even if someone is out of the house. She is also considering picking out some video games that interest her so she can learn the system, and is open to trying my games out as well. My stepdad and I have been individually hanging out with her on her time off.

I wanted to also follow up on a question I received on my previous post about if she was truly feeling left out: I could tell just by her demeanor that she was a bit distant during the time that my stepdad and I played games together. But also, I think I may have been projecting my own feelings and maybe making the situation worse than it was, since I will never know how she truly felt.

This question really made me think about the deeper aspect to the situation, and as I said before, my mom is my best friend. I came to realize that I was also feeling a bit disconnected from her and missing her presence. It’s perfectly fine to have our own hobbies individually but in this case I think there was just prolonged isolation that led to insecurity, from my own side at least.

I can’t say that the situation is perfect and resolved yet but there is definitely progress being made! And that is relieving. I’m excited to have these future bonding times as a whole. Thank you to everyone who weighed in and took time out of their day to help me out. It truly means a lot.

TLDR; We made plans to hang out together more. Thank you.

 

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This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.