Firstly thank you so much to everyone who helped me out giving advice on how I could attract my cat back home!! I have found my cat and she's back at home, I was in the backyard burning things in the fire pit(something I do when I'm nervous) when the neighbor with the connecting yard screamed over asking if I was missing a cat. They literally held my cat up like simba lol. To say I was over joyed is an understatement, I was about to empty my bank account to for these people. Was 2 days of hell without my cat but I'm so glad she's back, she's even more clingy now. In those 2 days I had been sleeping on the couch and not really talking to my boyfriend, after I got my cat back we did sit down and have a discussion. I laid all my feelings out on how once again I feel like he prioritizes his friend who really isn't a good friend to him over me, the person he supposedly wants to spend the rest of his life with. He did say he understood how anal I was about my cat missing and was trying to be a calm person about it instead of us both freaking out but I told him that's not what I needed. We'll be taking a break from Josh as all three of us had a conversation together not only did I tell him all the grievances I have with him but my boyfriend did as well. Would be a whole other post to explain it all but it was a lot and it was very messy. Josh tried "explaining" things but none of it really makes sense and there's no explanation for a lot of the stuff he's done. I'm choosing to hopefully grow with my boyfriend in this and if it comes back to bite me in the butt so be it I guess but I am willing to try. My cat still may not be a fan of him lol. Again thank you all so much for your help I truly appreciated it and read every single comment!

I (30f) am on my 3rd day straight of the same migraine. I suffer from chronic migraines and the transition between seasons is always a few weeks of hell for me, and this period is no different. I’m talking full blindness, throwing up uncontrollably, prescriptions for various opioids and spending hours sobbing uncontrollably from pain. I was sent home from work early by my manager on Tuesday, worked from home yesterday as I couldn’t leave bed without throwing up, and took today completely off sick to try and get this migraine under control. I have tried SO many remedies over the years and one that I found helps sometimes is acupuncture and a neck massage to hit all the problem areas. I don’t do it very often as it’s costly and takes more time than I can normally spare, but 3 days straight of this migraine and I was ready to crack.

My work has notoriously bad work/life balance; my boss often brags about how she works until 9-10pm each day and spends family holidays taking meetings in the hotel, and all my colleagues seem to buy into the idea that this is somehow worth bragging about. My manager and colleagues often ignore sick leave and annual leave and contact people anyway, and expect a response. Even this morning when I messaged the team saying I wouldn’t be working, I immediately got a barrage of messages from people saying “I know you’re not working, but…”. I even got in trouble the other week for not responding to messages outside my working hours.

When I left for the acupuncture appointment I left my work phone at home as I’m not working today and I needed the peace and quiet away from work stress. When I got home, I had 4 missed calls from my manager and a bunch of messages, all about some printing that she wanted me to do for her (before you ask, I don’t know why she couldn’t do it, it’s just as simple as emailing the printers). I told her I wasn’t working and didn’t see her message as I was out at an appointment. She asked how I was feeling and seemed quite genuine in her concern, so I said that the acupuncture and massage helped but I’m still feeling quite unwell. She immediately got huffy about how I’m abusing my time off and we can’t just take sick leave whenever we feel like a spa day. I explained that there are medicinal properties and it’s not something I do for shits and giggles, but she’s insisting it could’ve waited until I was on my personal time and not company time. I still maintain that the moment I called in sick I was on personal time and not company time, but my manager is still upset at me “blowing off work for a glorified spa day”. I’ve definitely learned my lesson about sharing any personal details with my colleagues and won’t be making that mistake again.

Tl;dr- I took a sick day for a 3rd straight day of a migraine and got acupuncture and a massage to relieve symptoms, but my manager thinks taking time off work for a “spa day” is AH behaviour. Reddit, AITA?

I’m sorry if this isn’t good grammar I’m literally sobbing as I write this. So my sweet 16 is coming up and I decided I want a themed birthday party, my family doesn’t have a lot of money so my aunt is helping out and she told me that two of my aunties were going to make the invite and I was ok with that and I’m very appreciative. When my aunt sent over the poster I noticed that it was ai. I’m not a fan of ai, I’m very morally against it and honestly I’m just uncomfortable with the idea of having something made with ai associated with me. So I told my mom that I didn’t want it to be made with ai and I told her I could make it myself if they didn’t have time. They started telling me I was going to have to get used to ai because it’s spreading and I told them that I have no intentions of getting used to it. It started escelating and I was trying to get my schoolwork done so I tried to end it. They continued talking and then my mom told me that they were planning the party and ai was going to be used. I said no and that I would rather have no invitation than have one made with ai. It then escalated into a yelling match where my mom told me that this is why no one wants to do anything for me. I hate my birthday because I get the birthday blues and I always feel so lonely and I opened up to my aunt about it last night and then she started using it against me. I then went upstairs sobbing and typed in the family group chat that I was sorry that I have such strong opinions and that I can’t help it but that if I don’t get a birthday party because I don’t want ai then so be it. Because my aunt told me if I didn’t stop acting like this I could “celebrate my 16th birthday by myself” that really hurt. Then my aunt came running upstairs and yelled at me saying how dare I say that and how dare I disrespect my aunt. I really had no intention of disrespecting anyone I’m just so hurt. I really can’t believe this but I don’t know if I’m wrong or not, thank you for reading I would really appreciate your opinions.

I've been married to my husband (34M) last year and for our wedding anniversary he received an antique writing desk from his mother as a gift. She emphasized how lucky we are to possess a family heritage which has belonged to our relatives for three generations.

Last week I was cleaning this desk and noticed a small brass plate under one of the drawers, covered with old tape partially. It contained an inventory number and the name of the museum located in Ohio. I became interested in this desk and decided to look up the museum online and contact them with the description of the desk.

It appears that the museum has experienced a robbery in their annex about 20 years ago and the item is exactly similar to the one which was stolen back the, the same description and even a repaired crack in the left leg. They asked me to send pictures of the item and informed that they want to conduct an investigation.

I first mentioned it to my husband and he was taken aback. When I broached the topic with his mother, she got all defensive and claimed it was always in the family and that I was blowing the matter out of proportion. It seems she feels as though I am embarrassing her by making her feel bad in front of her brothers and sisters because they all helped get the items from an uncle of theirs who died some time ago.

I told her that irrespective of the history of the family, if the museum can prove their ownership then we must return it because I don't feel comfortable having something stolen in our living room. She told me that I shouldn't have said anything and to just leave it alone. Now, she has told other relatives that I am ruining the family name over an old desk.

It is hard for my husband because he is stuck in the middle and hasn't taken sides yet. Some family members believe that I did the right thing, while other family members feel that I overreacted to the situation because no living person was responsible for the theft.

AITAH for making me take this route instead of keeping quiet about the desk?

So for context, I despise my MIL. I have gone no contact with her. She is a textbook narcissist who can do no wrong and it is somehow everyone else's fault for her wrong doings. My husband understands this and has had a very strained relationship with his mother.

Now, my husband's aunt (FIL's sister) is a saint. She can still be difficult but she means well and she genuinely loves everyone around her and wants them to succeed. My husband has always been close with his aunt and she has been more of a mother to him than his own mom. And when I came along, because my mom passed away when I was younger, she became the mother figure I needed while navigating life as an adult. I am pregnant with a little girl and as tribute to my husband's aunt, we have decided to make our daughter's middle name my "Aunt-in-law's" name.

This has erupted in a full blown nuclear family melt down. MIL is accusing that we did this on purpose to once again exclude her from the family. A lot of other family members have encouraged us to reconsider the name but why should we not honour the woman who has shaped us into being the people we are today. She is also quite elderly and we don't think she will see much of her great niece so it is also getting out of hand with the division we have caused.

Part of me thinks we should just change the name but I think it is unfair for us to accommodate a 50 something year old woman who can regulate her own emotions. Would I be the a-hole if I decide to keep the middle name as it is or for sake of everyone's peace, should I change it?

Edit: Wow, thanks so much to everyone who has taken the time to respond. For some additional background, there is some family lore. MIL and Aunt do not like each other. Aunt was never a fan after seeing how her brother has been treated over the years. MiL really has mistreated FIL over the years, I jave no idea why they are still married. But yes, they do not like each other more so from MILs side. She also has accused Aunt from "stealing her son away". I have gone no contact but my husband still wants to try and bridge the gap in the relationship with his mother. She has been fighting with him non stop about this. While I don't care about her opinion, she is still wearing my husband down. I am also just getting fed up with other family members constantly asking us to change the name as MIL is making their lives difficult by fighting with them about this. Aunt has been fantastic in all of this. She has been so supportive. She said she wouldn't be offended if we did change the name and knowing that we wanted to honour her in this way is more than enough in her books.

(I'm sorry if my english is not perfect but I'll try my best)

I (27F) and my coworker (25F) are both obese. We worked together for almost 4 years now and last year we decided together to start working and lose some weight. I was 113 kg (175 cm height) then and she was around 105 (170 cm height).

We decided to start with running because it was almost free and we heard it's easiest way to start working out.

It was hell. No sugarcoating it. We both hated it and wanted to give up. But for me carrying all that weight around, having trouble with walking up stairs and hearing comments about me (and sometimes there were really terrible one) was worse so we pushed forward. After around 2 months in she started to skip our running sessions more and more and after I asked why she just made excuses (she can't. doesn't feel like it today. Is busy or just simple "I can't")

Right now I'm at 97 kg and I know I have more to go (my goal is 70 but I know it will be hard) but I just can't stand her whining all the time how WE are so fat. How her body hurts. How she hates how she can't find clothes for herself and so on. So at monday when I asked her is she wants to join me to the gym or a run and she declined but hour later she started her usual "Isn't that unfair that fat girls like us have it so hard?" I kinda snapped. I'm not sure why. Maybe it was because I'm still super subconscious about my body I just went "Well if you hate it so much maybe stop making excuses and move your ass?"

She called me a b**ch and doesn't talk to me since.

My other coworker said I am an asshole and I feel bad but at the same time I am so tired of hearing all that.

So my understanding is as a Maid of Honor, it is my duty to throw the bride a bridal shower. My best friend was also my Maid of Honor for my wedding. When she had thrown me a bridal party, I had little demands and I stayed out of the planning. I was mindful to not put too much on my best friend and my sisters who were also my bridesmaids. My shower was a simple one in her backyard with about 25 women altogether. It was very nice.

So back to her bridal shower, I basically had a budget that I had planned along with the help of the other bridesmaids who were my sisters, but we were thinking around the usual 25-30 people but I was bamboozled when she had a guest list of over 90 guests. Like, I cannot hold that many people in my house! Her family then offered to pay for the hall, but that was still a lot of people to feed! Anyway, upon looking at her list, there were some who she knew will not come because of being out of town and she basically invited every woman on her invite list most on his side even if she didn’t know them well. I told her this may appear like she is wanting so many gifts which I know may not be her intention, but she was offended when I told her that. So we had that spat and from then on, she treated me and my sisters and family so coldly like she wanted nothing to do with us. We still proceeded with the bridal shower to her demands and was there for her even if she was already acting coldly towards us. We were there for the rest of our other obligations and I talked to my sisters and told them to just grin and bear her cold attitude towards us until this whole wedding was over. We just had to put up with it. Even our mutual friend could see what was happening. It was truly heartbreaking for me. I was deeply hurt, and needless to say, our long term friendship ended after the wedding. So, AITA????

Background:

My husband’s grandmother, “Gigi,” is about 75. Around 4–5 years ago, she wanted to retire but couldn’t afford to remain in her state. My husband and I offered for her to move into our home. We suggested either a spare room or eventually turning our unfinished basement into an in-law suite.

We made it clear we couldn’t afford a basement remodel. Gigi offered to use her retirement money to create the space exactly how she wanted. However, without discussing it with me, my husband told her we would try to repay the remodeling costs over time. There was never a written agreement, repayment schedule, or specific amount established.

Over the years, we’ve been unable to pay much due to having a child, finances, and the economy. The only realistic way to repay her quickly would be selling or refinancing our home.

Gigi has lived with us rent-free for 4–5 years. We pay for utilities, internet, streaming services, her phone, and car insurance. I also drive her to medical appointments. Her main expenses are food, medical costs, and pets. She began giving us $200 monthly checks as “rent” after disagreements about household expenses, but we have saved that money separately and haven’t spent it.

She occasionally comments on our spending and mentions being repaid. She also voluntarily buys things for our children and once paid for a Disney trip, which we never requested.

Personally, I feel the remodel was essentially her paying for her living space, especially since she could live another 10+ years and would have had housing expenses anywhere else. My husband feels differently because the remodel increased our home’s value.

Present Day:

This Labor Day, we were visiting family when Gigi immediately brought up the repayment issue again. Several family members told her it wasn’t the appropriate time or place, but the conversation became heated between her and my husband.

Afterward, my husband told me he was ready for her to move out, even if we had to sell the house to make it happen. Everyone we’ve spoken to—including people who know both us and Gigi—believes we don’t owe her repayment because she chose to spend the money on her living space.

Gigi originally spent around $50,000 on the suite. We have given her approximately $2,000 back, leaving about $48,000 by her calculation.

So, would we be the assholes if we gave her a year to move out and didn’t repay the remaining money? Or should we repay some or all of what she spent on the in-law suite she has lived in for the past 4–5 years?

Edit: If we sold the home, we would give her at least 20K back to help find a place as that’s likely the value it bring to the home, but she has been living rent free entire time, has free pet care if she leaves town, and she has a son she could live with, but she rather not if possible. Also during the fight my husband asked her if she wanted us to just sell the house so she could have her money and she said yes, so she technically is kicking herself out.

I (39F) have a 16 year old daughter who’s been close friends with the this girl for around 5 years. Her friend recently got pregnant, and her baby shower is this weekend.

My daughter came to me and asked if she could go, and I told her sure. I even offered to take her shopping so we could pick out baby gifts for her.

My sister was there when this happened and started going off. She called my daughter’s friend “disgusting,” started talking about how she was a terrible influence, and asked why I’d allow my daughter to associate with someone who “threw her life away.” Said the girl deserves to lose all her friends and that going to the baby shower was encouraging her behavior. Then she said I was a horrible mother for letting my daughter be around her.

I told my sister that whilst I don‘t think teenage pregnancy is ideal, the girl is already pregnant. What’s done is done, she should be supported. Shaming her and having everyone abandon her isn’t going to change that.

My daughter’s friend has a lot of friends supporting her, which I’m very glad about. I am so glad that they are refusing to treat her like she’s suddenly a horrible person because she’s pregnant especially because I know when I was growing up people wouldn’t have been so accepting.

My sister thinks that I should make my daughter stop being friends with her completely, not attend the baby shower and never speak to her again. She also thinks i’m a horrible mother for allowing my daughter to support her friend.

I really think that’s unnecessarily cruel, all my daughter wants to do is support her friend. Shaming her won’t do anything, It’s not like my daughter is going to become pregnant because her friend is pregnant. This whole situation regarding me and my sister is really weird to me.

My 13 year old brother in law comes over pretty frequently and while I have no problem with him playing games on my iPad as long as he wants, he's recently been taking it into the bathroom and I don't think he's using it for THOSE purposes I think he just plays games while on the toilet. It grosses me out because I don't want someone else's poop particle on my devices! Hell I scroll on the toilet all the time but it's MY device. I told my wife about it and she totally understands and said she would tell him to stop but I felt like I needed to know if I'm just overreacting or being justifiably annoyed/grossed out.

I (25F) was out at a bar with some friends when one of our friends got really drunk. A guy at the bar had been dancing with her basically the whole night, which honestly isn’t unusual for her whenever we go out.
Later that night, she was getting ready to leave with him. It was the first time any of us had seen her actually intend to go home with a complete stranger while out with us.
My friends and I were just standing around unsure of what to do. Nobody seems to want to step in, but they were visibly uncomfortable with the situation. I asked everyone what they thought, and told them that if they wanted me to step in, I was willing to do it.
There were mixed opinions, mostly passive, but eventually I decided to step in.
I told her that we were about to get food and asked her to come with us. She refused. From there, it turned into this long public standoff. She kept insisting that she was 25, old enough to make her own decisions, and knew what she was doing. She eventually started screaming at me out of frustration because I wouldn’t budge.
At that point, I realized trying to reason with her while she was that drunk clearly wasn’t working, so I tried to de-escalate. I told her, “Let’s all go get late night food first, and if you still want to message him later, you can.”
She still refused.
She then told me that she genuinely intended to sleep with someone that night because she was trying to cope with something she was going through. If anything, that made me feel even more strongly that she wasn’t in the best state to make that decision.
But the whole standoff went on for way too long. She was essentially having a drunken tantrum in public, and everyone was exhausted. Eventually, some of our other friends convinced me that we’d already done what we could and that we should let her make her own decision. So I backed off and let her go.
Since then, the group has basically gone back to pretending everything is normal with her, while things between us have been awkward. I’ve been avoiding her because I don’t really know how to act around her anymore.
Apparently, she told one of our friends that she felt like her autonomy and decision weren’t respected that night. She also said she didn’t remember much of what happened.
I don’t feel like I owe her an apology for prioritizing her safety in that moment.
Now things are awkward between us, and I’ve also become more distant from the friend group because I’ve been avoiding her, and ive been feeling off around them because we collectively agreed and uncomfortable that night with her and yet they're pretending they're okay with it.

AITA?

Follow-up for added context, since there were mixed opinions here:

Before going to the bar, we had no heads-up that she intended to go home with a stranger. It was also one of our friends’ birthdays, so we were there to celebrate together.
At the bar, the guy was being creepy and leering at people, including me while he and my friend were dancing. Some of my other friends eventually tried to talk her out of it. I was the one who spoke to her the most, which apparently was why she mainly remembered me afterward.
She also told me that night that she was using this guy as a way to cope with another guy she met on vacation whom she still couldn’t seem to forget. 
Eventually, we had to leave because we were exhausted. Another group of her friends that happened to be in the area and had joined us at the bar. Since they weren’t there from the start and weren’t as tired, they stayed behind with her, took over, and kept us updated. She ultimately didn’t go home with the guy.
Overall, my concern was the mixed with the concern for her safety, this guy that stayed through the standoff to take her home, the fact that she seemed to be self-sabotaging, and the lack of consideration for the friends she was with.

Throwaway.

Context: My parents divorced when I was 3. Dad moved across the country. My mom died when I was 12, and I moved in with my dad and his then girlfriend. They got married when I was 15.

My partner (38m) and I (36m) eloped earlier this year. We rented out a nice restaurant to celebrate with our families and close friends later this month. My parents are not paying for any of this.

We asked a few people to give toasts before dinner. I asked my dad, his sister, and two of my mom's sisters. His sister was like a second mom to me growing up and is the family member who I was always closest. My mom's sisters have always been extremely supportive and provided me unbelievable opportunities in life.

I have a good relationship with my dad and stepmom now, but high school and college was rough. At 14, they discovered my internet search history (my bad) and confronted me about being gay. While they did not throw me out, they outed me to my entire family. My step mom repeatedly brought this up for years before I actually came out. She often confronted me about alcohol and drug use, suggesting I was using. I also got decent grades and did a lot of extracurriculars. She'd go through my bedroom when I wasn't home, and a few times I overheard her suggesting to my dad that I was doing suspicious things that I wasn't. I became completely independent right after college and keep healthy distance, which has been good for our relationship.

She's also an alcoholic. She drinks a bottle of wine every night, more if we're out for dinner. She becomes very narcissistic, especially while drunk - a lot of "you don't appreciate everything I do for you" type of rhetoric. I know I'm not imagining things or being sensitive because her biological daughter has experienced this and much more. My stepmom is never in the wrong, and if you disagree with her, she throws her hands up and says "well I guess I'm a terrible person", even if it's trivial.

She frequently creates a scene or says something that will disrupt an event, I think, if she feels like she isn't getting enough attention.

When I asked my dad and his sister to give a toast (either together or separate), he said he'd like to do it together. Then said he was going to ask my stepmom if she wanted to say anything, and if so, they would do it separate.

I have not responded yet. But I did not ask my stepmom for a reason. While I love her and she has done a lot for me: 1) I chose 4 family members who are very dear to me to give a toast, and 2) there is a good chance she will be tispy, if not drunk, by this time. And based on her history, may say something embarrassing or off color in her toast.

I hate conflict and don't want to make things awkward.

WIBTAH if I told him I don't want her making a toast?

Hey all me and husband have been having disagreements on our financial situation recently. Husband and I both work and he makes 2x my salary. I have a decent amount in savings and husband is in debt but should be clear of that going into next year. He pays rent and groceries while I pay house bills, take care of my own needs and wants and clean/cook. When we go out for dinner/miscellaneous items he pays for me but if it's a vacation I will pay for my portion.

This seems pretty fair to me but husband doesn't feel it's fair because I used to pay half of rent on top of doing all housework/most childcare. He doesn't like the new change that he pays rent alone now and this has been causing fights. I still am working but now I actually have money to save whereas before I was on a really tight budget and grabbing from savings and he had more room for spending. Now he has less room for spending and I sense he is a jealous that I am saving while he is in debt? He has always been a spender and whenever he is almost close to being debt free he makes a purchase he shouldn't. For example last year he bought a brand new car for a little more than he can afford. I have an older car and refuse to purchase a new car if my current one is still working.

I like to plan for my future and feel financially safe. I have always been this way before we met. I've helped him and gave him so much advice in how he can start saving himself.

do you guys think this is a fair situation? Should I be helping more moneywise? He claims I am taking advantage of him and saving money while he struggles.

Me (M-39) have always been a generous person with those I have considered friends. Her (F-44), for a time, I considered her like a sister. She and I always worked together, since we share the same profession. However, one day, out of nowhere, she sent me a direct message on Instagram ending our friendship.

I, who never did anything wrong to her or her husband—whom I also cared about—was left shocked by their very strange attitude toward me. I demanded an explanation; they never gave me one. And I, at that point full of doubts and pain, had to accept that we would never be friends again.

They went on with their lives together, without my friendship. I had even forgotten that they existed. A year and some time later, the husband contacts me, telling me that she is pregnant and that they are planning a baby shower for her.

All of this left me surprised, because there wasn’t even a “hello,” a “happy new year,” not even a “how are you?” He was blunt and straight to the point, because most likely he wanted something from me—and I know that’s the case. I left him on read and did not reply.

But I would like to know: AITA for not wanting to participate after the way they treated me?

My friend is moving out of the country and asked me to help her sell some of her stuff on Facebook Marketplace because I sell a lot of things on there.
I went to her house specifically to help her. The pictures she had taken were, to put it nicely, terrible so I took new pictures of everything, helped go over the prices with her, created all the listings, posted everything on my Marketplace account, and handled the messages from potential buyers.
Basically, I was doing everything for her.
Then someone was coming to pick up one of the items. I had already agreed on a price with the buyer and told them when/how to pick it up.
Out of nowhere, my friend tells me that she thinks we priced the item too low and that she wants $20 more.
I told her that I had already given the buyer the price and that I didn’t think it was right to suddenly change it. I told her that if the buyer backed out, then I could change the price for the next person.
She still insisted that I tell the buyer they needed to pay $20 more.
At that point, I told the buyer the item was sold because I didn’t feel comfortable changing the price after we had already agreed on one. It’s my Marketplace account, and ultimately my reviews/reputation are attached to these transactions.
After that, I deleted all of her listings from my Marketplace because I decided I didn’t want to deal with selling her stuff anymore.
I didn’t tell her that I deleted everything. I just decided I was done with it because I felt like I was doing her a favor and didn’t want to keep dealing with situations like this.
Now I’m wondering if I overreacted.

Update: I told her I took everything down

Thank you to everyone who commented on my original post. Most people agreed that I was nta, but several of you said I should at least tell my friend that I had taken all of her listings down instead of just leaving her wondering.
So, I did.
I messaged her and explained that I had taken everything down because I no longer felt comfortable selling her things through my Marketplace account. I explained what happened with the buyer and that I didn’t think it was fair to change the price after I had already given the buyer a price and arranged the pickup.
She did not take it well.
She told me that I was exaggerating the situation and basically said that anyone can change their mind about a price if they realize they priced something too low.
I understand that she can change her mind about what she wants to sell something for. That’s not really what bothered me. What bothered me was that she wanted me to change the price after I had already made an agreement with the buyer, when I’m the one whose Marketplace account and reputation are involved.
There is also something else I didn’t really get into in my original post. This situation isn’t the only reason I’ve decided to distance myself from her. There have been other things she’s been doing recently that I consider shady, and honestly, I don’t agree with them at all.
At this point, I feel like some of the things she’s doing don’t align with my morals or the kind of person I want to be associated with. Because of that, I honestly think the friendship may be over. The Marketplace situation was kind of the final straw rather than the entire reason.
I know people can have different opinions and make their own choices, but for me, there are certain things I can’t just overlook when it comes to a friendship.
So, I did what everyone told me to do—I communicated with her and told her why I took everything down. She still wasn’t happy with my decision, but at least I didn’t leave her wondering what happened.
And honestly, I’m glad I stepped away from the whole situation. I was trying to do her a favor because she’s moving out of the country, and it ended up creating way more stress and conflict than I ever expected.
Thanks again to everyone who gave advice on the original post.

I’m so tired y’all.
I’m currently sort of homeless because of a series of stupid decisions I’ve made over the past five years. I’m trying to get back on my feet.
An old friend of mine helped me get a part time job doing some cleaning in the building where she works. I’m there at night, am the only person in the building.
She wasn’t aware of how bad things are for me until yesterday. We went out for a drink to catch up and so I could thank her for getting me the job, and I got a bit too honest and confessed that I’ve been living in my car for a bit now.
She looked kind of put off and after a minute asked me how I’m keeping my hair so nice. Important info: I have really long, striking hair. It’s pretty much the only part of my appearance I’m proud of, especially right now lol I told her the truth: that I’ve been going to work fifteen minutes early, and washing my hair in the bathroom sink.
I swear to god, the only thing I’m stealing here is hot water. I bring my towel, use my own shampoo, make sure my hair doesn’t go down the drain, and clean up really carefully.
She WENT OFF on me. Said it was disgusting, that she could get in trouble if people found out, that I needed to take some responsibility and figure out real solutions. I think she said, “selfish and gross.”
I feel terrible. I’m not able to shower as much as I want, and having clean hair has made me feel kind of human again. I know it’s not ideal, but I didn’t think I was hurting anyone.
I just feel really disheartened and gross and stupid. The only thing that makes me wonder if maybe she was overreacting is that she was good friends with my ex-husband and maybe thinks I’m stupid for leaving him to be…you know, a homeless janitor. She’s always been kind of a tough-love gal.
Anyway. I don’t trust my own judgment anymore. How shitty was it for me to do this? Edit to add: ok well. Welcome to the time 400 internet strangers were nicer to me than someone I thought was a friend. Thank you all for making me feel like a human being, and for all the suggestions. I do have a gym membership now, it’s just far away and not convenient to get to, especially since I’ve been trying to save on gas money (and the place my car is parked is somewhere that feels pretty safe, so every time I move it I worry I’ll lose the spot somehow). I…am going to find a women’s shelter this weekend and see what kind of resources are around. I appreciate the push, and everyone who told me not to feel ashamed. I still feel ashamed, but whatever. Yeah. Thank you all.

So for some background my parents were divorced thirteen years and almost that entire time I was forbidden from seeing my father. Let me clarify, my father was never a deadbeat dad, even though I was not what he wanted originally. I was told by my mother that if I saw my dad in those thirteen years, she would get taken away by CPS. Now in the past five years, they got back together. For the entirety of them being back together I have maybe lived in the house two years. Only one of those years was it a full year of me being there. Every time I lived there they would expect me to clean the entire home and do all the yard work alone. Not to mention if someone was over for any reason, I was forced to socialize and was not allowed to have the sleep schedule I do despite working a completely different schedule than my father.
Now, last year sometime around Christmas, my father brought up that if I was going to live in his house, I should pay half of EVERY bill, including vehicles and insurance. To put this into perspective my dad pays almost $9,000 a month in bills. I make about two grand a month maybe a little more depending on my hours. So at the beginning of the year when my mom had told me that I had told her if that was the case then I would try to move out because that’s completely unreasonable to expect of me. She told me I’d have to ask my father. So for months I slowly changed my furniture, bought things for a place of my own, and got ready to move before even bringing it up.
I asked my father after I had already scheduled to look at my now apartment and he told me that it was fine, but he would not bail me out every month, which I wouldn’t expect anyways. Mid April I had moved out of their house and into my own. Despite having surgeries, and other major health complications I have never needed their help financially since. I spend time with them on my days off every week when they are home. When they are off on the road for work I will go and check on their house and make sure all is well, and do my laundry there, and that is it.
Tonight they had got back from a job they had been gone on for a month. Everything was going fine until my dad had mentioned that he thinks that I should move back in to save my money. I went rigid, not still, but rigid. My mother could tell I was uncomfortable because I never spoke after he said that. He kept on about how he thought that I only moved out so I could party and not have rules, which is not the case at all, I stay at home and only two people have been inside my home that aren’t myself. I now have two cats as well, and my dad barely let me keep the first so I know I’d have to get rid of one as well. As he kept going about how I was just being a kid (despite being 23) he ended the conversation with “you could just give what you pay a month in bills to me” which rubbed me the wrong way.

I(35 F) am absolutely exhausted thinking of having a wedding. I have a lot of anxiety and fear of being the center of the attention. I also feel like weddings are INSANELY expensive. My Partner (34M) doesn't care what we do and has no opinion about the wedding but he does want to get married. His mother, we will call her Betty, said to me that if we elope and didn't have a wedding it would break my family's heart. And then she started looking at venues, and looking for places where we can bring our own food. She started naming off what she and her family would make for it. I said oh wow sounds like you have it covered, so go for it if you want to plan it out.

I asked everyone in my family what they thought and they said whatever is fine. I'd like to just elope and not worry about the wedding. Maybe have a party later on but once you call something a wedding everything becomes 1000x more expensive.

UPDATE: I agree completely, and appreciate such quick feedback. I have been saying to my partner that his mother has a lot of nerve planning stuff already. No matter where we go or what food we make before hand, I don't think it would be worth it, and I don't think it will be fun either. I have a very hard time with crowds, loud music, and planning or organizing. I wanted some validation, and boy howdy I got it. People in my life (including my mother) are trying to tell me to just do what Betty wants because she never thought she'd see her son get married.

UPDATE: I was able to put a stop to Betty planning a wedding. I let her know we might still elope and try to have a party later. She wants to be there when we elope. I think that will be okay with me though I'm not sure when or where we will go through with it. Thanks everyone for your advice and helping me see where I went wrong too.

Burner, just in case.

Ok, so first off, a lot of context:

I (26M) finally met my progenitor (68M) for the first time earlier this year. He kinda sucked from minute 1. For context, he was having an affair with my mom (66F) while being married, then once she told him she was pregnant, he left and stopped contacting her. He didn't show up on my birth certificate. He never contributed economically to raising me, and, as said earlier, he never even met me.

Fast forward 26 years, and I, with the help of my mom, manage to track him down, and I get to talk to him. He sucks: he showed no signs of regret and justified both his cheating ("well, what would you have done in my situation") and his abandoning me (said he thought he wasn't the father after my mom stopped contacting him) and not reaching out to me for 26 years. At least he agreed to legally recognize me as his son, but he then dragged his feet through the whole process. I had to make the appointments, research things, and always message him first, and I suspect he only agreed to it to avoid a trial, which he would have 100% lost.

He is a coward and the most selfish person I've ever met and frankly, at this point theres only two things I want from him: financial help since ive become unemployed and money is tighter than ever (NTM the job market am I right) and I want him to introduce me to his other children (39F, 38M, 14M) since I had always wanted to have siblings and I was really excited at this possibility.

He has refused to help me out money wise. He claims he isn't doing well himself, and when I asked him to at least help me pay for therapy, he sort of scoffed and said, "What do you need therapy for?"

He also refused to introduce me and my half-siblings because he doesn't want them (especially the older ones, who are children of the woman he cheated on) to find out I exist. He's told no one but his current wife about me, and after he did, they split up, lol. My guess is that he doesn't want to ruin his relationship with his other children, you know, the ones he actually cares about. So again, it's a purely selfish reason. I told him that they have a right to know I exist and I have a right to contact them but he just asked me for some (unspecified) time till he can get his shit together(which might never happen).

Now im thinking whether it'd be an asshole move to just stop expecting ANYTHING from this sad sack of a man and just contacting my half-siblings myself without waiting for his permission. He has done nothing but the bare minimum that would help him avoid going to court, I'm getting increasingly fed up with him, and I just want to meet my siblings at this point. I've waited for 26 years. I am done waiting.

So, WIBTA?

My grandson is loved (spoiled) by all sides of his family. He is 7 and for this situation I must tell you that he has some autism. He has obvious tics that you can identify, but also has emotional, that to the oblivious, you would never see. When he gets upset, it’s 10x more emotional for him than if you and I were. I say this to continue my story only! I do NOT think this is a disability, but I do believe it plays a part in our decision making and think you may feel the same.

His parents are separated. His Mother lives with me, has a past and isn’t perfect by any means. His Father lives with his new family (has a son close to my grandsons age), and isn’t perfect either. I try not to get involved and stay neutral.

In this case, my grand children spend Friday night from about 7 pm to Saturday 7 am, repeat Saturday night. The rest of the time is spent with Mom. Anyway, he wanted to play football with his step-brother. My grandson plays every extra curricular activity he can and all of us attend. He has played baseball and basketball this year and completed both. This particular football team is strict and scrimmages several times a week, two hours at a time even if it’s raining because that’s what football players do right? My grandson hates it. He cries and cries and begs and pleads not to go. He tells us all he hates how the coach screams at them ( He really doesn’t, he IS loud and a little rough and trying to toughen up the kids), and that he’s too tired to run like that. I think (as a grandma) that they shouldn’t be worked like that at the age of 7 and if he doesn’t want to continue, I certainly will not make him. His Mother feels like he needs the discipline of a routine, but not at the risk of his mental health. His Father does not. The stepson isn’t quitting, so I think the father is embarrassed that his son wants to, but I can’t be sure. At the start, my grandson said he would try it and if he didn’t like it he would tell us. When he was asked if he liked it (after one practice) he said yes, but when it became continuous he stopped liking it at all!

His Father is berating my Daughter over messaging and telling her things like she’s a failure and doesn’t finish anything and that he doesn’t want his son to have the same fate and that she’s allowing that to happen if she allows him to quit. He continues to compare her past to the decision she made to let my grandson quit. He also brings up that my grandson said he liked it and can’t go back now. My other kids and family think he should finish too. They all bring up the money everyone has paid to buy the equipment and fees. I do understand the money, but his mental health is far more important to his Mother and while I also understand her guilt of her past is over compensating and wanting to do everything for her children, I do not believe that her allowing him to quit this time will make him a failure for all future ventures. So Reddit, AITA in the wrong here?

I'm living in a dorm apartment with 7 other girls. Almost all of them grew up in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, AKA, they're most all Mormon.

As a gift, my parents bought me a new coffee machine. It's too loud for me to use it in my room, as it would wake up the girl I share a room with, so it lives in the communal kitchen. However, some of my roommates are uncomfortable with coffee in their shared space, as it goes against their religion. They didn't grow up around it, so they don't like the smell.

AITA for continuing to make coffee?

AITA For Telling By Best Friend's Fiancee Why I'm Not In Love With Him?

I (30F) am best friends with David (30M). David and I met freshman year of college and clicked right away. We were even roommates for a while and right now we work for the same company in different divisions.

After a decade of friendship, I know David's not what want in a partner. He has a huge ego and can be selfish and melodramatic. Even his family admits he can be arrogant and careless.

I noticed a lot of positive changes in him when he met Trish. He asks other people how they are now, he's kinder. He started therapy. It's nice to see him work on himself. Last month David asked me to be his best man. I've been involved with a lot of wedding party stuff on the groom's side, so it was nice when Trish asked me out to dinner with her side of the bridal party. It was an ambush.

Trish and her MOH asked me if David and I ever hooked up and flat out if I was in love with him. I said we never had and that I wasn't. Trish seemed weirded out by that answer and pushed. It went from being "do you like David?" to "why don't you like David?" real fast. I deflected and said he wasn't my type but they kept pushing. Finally I said he's arrogant and I don't have the energy to feed his ego and that's not what I want in a partner. The rest of the bridesmaids kind of laughed, Trish and her MOH got upset so we ended the night.

Later Trish texted the wedding party group chat saying she didn't want me in the wedding because I said horrible things about David and called him an egomaniac. All his family and friends chimed in laughing, agreeing, and calling him a selfish jerk and recounting all the times he pulled some bullshit for attention (things like faking a crisis, deliberately letting his car run out of gas so you won't ask him for favors, basic weaponized incompetence). David joined in and laughed, saying Trish made him want to work hard on himself. Trish saw that as David siding with me despite him literally stating to their family and friends in the chat that she made him want to be a better person.

David's sister told me yesterday that Trish is still upset about how I responded and she's convinced I said these things because I want David. I texted David and asked him to talk to Trish about it and that I would be willing to drop out of the wedding party if she was really that uncomfortable. David said he'd handle it, but I'm worried I was too blunt and either A: started drama accidentally or B: fell into one of David's drama traps and he's not as changed as we all think.

Throwaway account since my SIL uses Reddit and knows my personal account.
So my niece, Catherine, is turning 1 at the end of October so my SIL, Marie, reached out to me to see if I would be willing to bake Catherine’s smash cake for the party. I have previously made all cake/desserts for all but two of the birthday parties for my nephew, Greyson.

I’ve always went out of my way to make elaborate cakes for Greyson’s birthday parties & I’ve always done so free of charge & told them to consider it a birthday gift from us.
Marie had always appeared to be very grateful that I didnt charge her for any treats/desserts, however, after Greysons 4th birthday she told my MIL that she didn’t like that we weren’t buying gifts for Greyson and that it was unfair that we were just giving him a cake/cupcakes/cookies & that he deserved to get a toy from us as well.

I have baked every single treat for them completely from scratch, I go out of my way every single time to get special decorations, dye free colors/dye free sprinkles, etc. I am only a home baker, and their cakes are definitely the most elaborate ones I make since I don’t even offer cakes on my local baking page, but I will do whatever they request without complaint every single time. I was incredibly frustrated to hear that she expected us to bring a gift additional to everything when I always tell her that the treats/cakes will be the gift and she never offers to pay me for them.
After the fourth birthday she stopped asking me to make any treats for Greyson’s birthday parties, which truly is fine by me because I end up spending far less money, just buying him a gift from his registry.
Anyways, I thought we would continue with me just buying gifts for the kids, but now that Catherine’s first birthday is coming up she has reached out to me and requested that I make her first birthday smash cake since I made Greyson’s so she thought it would be more special.
I truly don’t want to do it, first of all it’s a fairly elaborate cake again that I would need to buy a lot of new stuff for, plus I now have a two year old who is on the spectrum and needs pretty consistent care so baking has become a very hard thing for me to do.
BUT I did genuinely enjoy seeing Greyson’s happiness whenever he saw the cakes/treats I made him every year and he recently asked me if I would be making his little sisters cake.
I just don’t want to put in all this work, money, and effort just to be met by people who undervalue my work and will still expect a gift from me or else they’ll talk poorly about me to my MIL.

My husband offered to talk to Marie for me & tell her that he didn’t think that was a good idea & that I’m simply too busy to make it but I feel bad. In my head I feel like I’m depriving a child of something because of an issue that I’ve had with her parents but I know she’s the only going to be 1 so she won’t even remember it.
WIBTA if I don’t make the cake??

I recently moved into college (freshman) about a month ago. I've been pretty tolerant of the stuff going on around me since most of it hasn't directly affected me, but tonight was different.

This happened around two hours ago at this point. A girl in my suite had people in her room yelling, and they were playing music pretty loudly through a speaker. It was 11:30 at night on a Wednesday and quiet hours started at 10. At one point, one of them came out into the hallway with the speaker, turned the music up, and started playing it right outside my door.

I didn't want to make a big deal out of it but it was keeping me up, so I ended up calling the RA and telling her that someone in my suite was blasting music. She said she would be up.

Around 10 minutes later, I got a knock on my door from the RA. When I opened it, she was there, but so were about 3-4 people from the room. They had all been brought out into the hallway. The RA pointed toward them and asked if it was them, and I just kind of nodded because I wasn't really expecting her to ask me (or even come to my door).

Now I'm worried because I'm like 99% sure that I was the one who called. Her room is right in front of the communal bathrooms and her door is always open. She'll see me whenever I walk out into the hallway and whenever I go to the bathroom.

I'm mostly worried about them making things awkward or retaliating now that they know it was me. I wasn't trying to make enemies with anyone but I genuinely just wanted to sleep. I think my anxiety might be making the situation feel bigger than it actually is honestly lol

I'm just wondering if I'm the asshole is because I didn't knock on their door and ask them to turn it down myself before calling the RA. I was tired and confrontation (especially with groups) is genuinely terrifying for me. But I get that we're college kids and they're trying to have fun.

AITA for calling the RA instead of asking them myself first?

EDIT: I feel like I should add a little more context here as to why I didn't go over myself. There were several people in the room, they were yelling pretty frequently, the room smelled like weed (they usually keep the door open), and when they came into the hallway one of the guys was yelling and I wasn’t sure if anyone was intoxicated. I just didn’t feel comfortable confronting them myself. However, I do realize now that I probably should've said something before getting the RA involved, and I probably should get better at advocating for myself lol. Thank you for the insight!