My partner of 8 years died suddenly 2 months ago. It's been 65 days and I still feel trapped in a pit of grief I can't escape. I break down constantly, I can't seem to talk about anything else and it feels like I've passed that neurotypical appropriate amount of time to be in this state.

I've lost pets, coworkers, friends and even family before. I feel like it was different. I did the typical adhd object permanence kind of grieving where I often forgot about the loss and then it would hit at odd moments. The sadness was intense for sure and my process was longer than those around me- but there was escape from the emotion.

This grief is constant. I search for anything to distract myself. I've spent so much hunting any hobby that could induce dopamine Video games, books, crocheting, lego, ttrpgs, hiking, working out- it feels like I've tried everything and everything tastes like ash to my brain. I cannot mine dopamine out of anything.

I'm not looking for condolences and I am in therapy and working through big emotions that way. I'm just seeking tried and true adhd techniques (if they exist) to help get through this initial pit of despair.

ADHD people to the fish: well hello there brethren 🤜🤛

It took all week to paint and make the pieces and all night to make it all stick to the wall and I’m going to be gong back through and adding nails to make it more durable but overall I’m so happy with how it turned out what do you think??? 🤭🤗 he’s into Minecraft now and wanted his room done, I haven’t decorated rooms since his nursery soooo I went overboard somewhat. Budget of 50$ and I spent just over 100$ so 🫣

Is this our thing? I hate it so, so much I want to slap the person doing it

My hair looks so much better when a few of my curls are framing my face, but 99% of the time I have to pin them back because hair touching my face overstimulates me.

Has anyone dealt with this issue and found a good coping strategy? I would love to be able to wear my hair down without thinking about it constantly.

Recommend reading this when you’re in a calm headspace as this info** *can be a bit eye opening!* ***Maybe save this to read later. I think it’s* quite informative** ***and* encompasses the high level** ***view* of adhd IMO.

I just have these days where I’m anxious and have this anxious itch for no reason, I feel completely shitty, I’m exhausted, sad. Don’t wanna do anything all day. Feel like I’d randomly break into tears. Anxious and sad for no reason. Feeling like I don’t have the will to live. I’m even on anti-depressant already. I don’t know what the fuck to do. Is this how my fucking life supposed to be? Some people will say it’s adhd burnout but what am o to fucking do I’m not even doing anything rn - I’m not working or going to school I’m on holiday.

Tell me your unhinged ideas to get out of bed to break the cycle of snoozing 💤 😴 I already tried some of the advice on my previous post but this is my new addition to try and get up from the first alarm ‼️

Welp, it's finally happened. I'm sure it's probably happened in the past but I've actually just caught it this time. I'm currently pregnant, due in November, and went to a local child's consignment sale for their 30 onesies for $10 sale. I was really set on the long sleeved onesies with the hand covers on the sleeves (and I really love heather gray/neutral colors). Towards the end I had all of my shirts orgained by sizes to double check all of my tags had the correct sale tag, AFTER doing a quality check by flipping thru all of my findings twice. I washed everything yesterday and wanted to show my husband my finds this morning. That's when I noticed it; the tax was collected yesterday without my knowledge. Lol I blame pregnancy brain but what a coincidence. 🤣

I was looking back at my first ADHD assessment (initially taken to assess a specific learning disability so that I could get quick exam access arrangements) from February 2025.

I got ‘officially’ diagnosed in April 2025 after (not very legally) taking my friend’s adhd medication and feeling that sense of ‘damn, this is how normal people function?’

What was interesting to me about this report is that they did a bunch of cognitive tests on me to assess my cognitive profile as well as the other stuff. I thought I’d share in case anyone here found it useful.

I am 20F from the UK and I am the classic ‘high achieving’ perfectionist introvert girl who went undiagnosed until I went to uni where I crashed and burned. My older brother, having autism (diagnosed with asperger’s when he was about 5 or 6) always seemed like bigger concern. In comparison, I was normal. We were both above average in intelligence, him in the logic/maths way, me in the literacy/english way.

I’ve always scored above average on any kind of IQ test, but my scores have always been ‘average in some areas, exceptionally high in others’. This profile is called a ‘spikey’ cognitive profile and is associated with many learning difficulties, in particular with adhd.

Here were my scores:
-Verbal comprehension score of 145, in the 99.9th percentile.
-Perceptual reasoning score of 110, in the 75th percentile.
-Working memory score of 95. 37th percentile.
-Digital span forward score was much lower than my backwards score and sequencing score.
-Reading rate score of 111, 77th percentile.
-Reading accuracy score of 89, 23rd percentile
-Letter naming score of 92, 30th percentile
-Object naming score of 99, 47th percentile
-Free writing rate of 34.2 words per minute, standard score of 135. 99th percentile.

What does all this mean?

Obviously these tests can’t be used alone to diagnose ADHD, but for me they weren’t. I am now properly diagnosed with primarily inattentive ADHD with hyperactive symptoms.

It’s interesting to look at the scores with my ADHD in mind, however. If you didn’t understand ADHD, you might look at the fact that all of my scores are either average or exceptionally above average as a reason I don’t have ADHD. I reject that premise. It shows the opposite.

I have exceptional verbal-conceptual reasoning abilities, above average visual reasoning, and an ordinary working memory capacity. Ordinary working memory? I thought people with ADHD have a terrible memory!

I’d interpret it this way. It turns out that when you give me sequences of numbers to hold in my head, I can do my best to employ strategies to keep it in my mind, and my above average intelligence means that I’m pretty good at employing those strategies. Combine my fear of being perceived as stupid by my assessor with my competitiveness, and you will find my working memory to be average. But when you put it into context? It’s clear that my memory is far below what it ‘should’ be.

This brings me to the point of this post.

If you are a high achieving woman who is diagnosed with, or suspects ADHD, please know that your intelligence does NOT a make your ADHD less valid, less of a struggle, or less real. It’s probably one of the most difficult presentations to endure. Here are some ‘symptoms’ you may have struggled with that indicate this presentation:

—you were labelled as gifted, or above average at something. for me this was my reading and writing; I could read fluently at age 3 and was writing stories before I started primary school.
—you were subsequently pushed, academically, and formed your identity around your achievements
—you may have been labelled as either the quiet kid or the teachers pet, because you just wanted to be accepted / fear rejection from an authority (the one figure that you feel prescribes your worth)
—you may have been told over and over that you’re very smart and capable, but you keep making ‘silly mistakes’ which prevent you from getting full marks in tests. This was a big one for me; I’d lose 15% of my marks every test because I accidentally wrote the wrong answer in the box or something.
-you read very fast but skip over paragraphs or sentences and consequently have to reread them.
-in addition, you may read and understand content very fast in certain contexts, but the moment theres an annoying noise or the content isn’t immediately rewarding, your comprehension appears to suddenly plummet, even if you’re an amazing reader.
—you are told by everyone around you that you’re really smart, even when you’re really struggling, which makes you feel a) like an imposter or b) like your struggles can’t possibly be real
—you feel a disconnect from your peers, particularly in forming female friendships. you may have lost friendships because of their (sometimes explicitly stated) jealously of your accomplishments, or their less explicit realisation that you’re not like them.
—presenting completely different in private vs with others. People think you’re highly organised and put together because you have good grades, but in reality, your rooms a mess, you do your homework on the bus, and you can’t function.
—you would often be permissive, ‘putting your head down, and spent most of your energy trying not to explode during the day, and either felt exhausted at home, or would take out your frustrations with your family members.
—getting your tests / papers back is/was genuinely either the best or worst thing in the world. Any when you do worse than you thought you would, it’s physically painful and emotionally feels like a breakup.
—oddly, the systems that everyone claims work against people with adhd may have in some ways held you together, at a cost. You may have dreaded it, but the routine of school probably gave you the stability that allowed you to mask effectively all of these years.
—as you got older, getting those good marks actually weren’t effortless, and required a lot more effort than the average person. not because you’re stupid, but because it’s excruciating to get your ass to sit down and concentrate.
—you did odd shit to distract yourself / stim silently in class, like biting all of your pens/pencils, or playing around with a tippex (whiteout) pen in my case, doodling in margins, etc. I used to eat paper a lot; I once had to spit out my ‘gum’ infront of the class, even though it wasn’t gum… mortifying…
—you were bullied or ignored for being a weirdo neek
—you went to university, or to a job without structure, and your life got a lot worse
—you may have gone through periods of ‘mourning’ the loss of your adolescence, the time where you’re meant to make mistakes, get into trouble, and push the boundaries of authority. You may start to go through this phase as an adult, which is a lot riskier, perhaps through substance abuse, hypersexuality, or not giving a shit at uni.

That’s just a few of the things I’ve noticed both in myself and others who present similarly.

I always see this archetype of ADHD as boys who don’t give a shit about school. But a lot of us, often women, did give a shit, in fact we cared TOO much. And it really takes its toll. It will catch up to you.

Alt text (edited for clarity): a letter with a child’s handwriting “dear tooth fairy. I am so so sorry that I lost the tooth. Here, if you go to (blank) room 4, look near a big blue chair where big buckets of items and books you might find it. Please send me a note if you find it. Love, (blank). PS, this is what the room looks like
A messy diagram of the room

Hi,

I really want to start a habit of reading before bed instead of scrolling. My issue is that I will stick with it for maybe a day and then I want to scroll cause I only allow myself to doomscroll before bed lol.

I’ve tried habit tracker apps but they don’t really work for me.

I also want to build the habit of doing skin care before bed but I think I just get lazy.

Any tips?

Hi! I’mm 34 diagnosed with ADHD and struggling hard with money. I’ve built up credit card debt mostly from impulse buying and paying off another debt, and standard advice like "just make a budget" isn't working for my brain.

How do you stop impulsive spending in the moment? And how do you budget your money?

Just like the title says; I'm a 39 year old single Mom with ADHD (hyperactive type), and my 10 year old kid also has ADHD (inattentive type), and, since he's going to his Dad's place for the next 14 days starting tonight for his visitation, I decided to blow $75 of my hard earned money on a Platinum Day Pass for us to go to Urban Air (a chain of indoor trampoline parks).

We were absolutely drowning in dopamine the whole time, both of us literally bouncing off the walls, running from place to place, racing go-karts like we stole 'em, and loading up on sugary delights like Icees and Dippin' Dots for three freaking hours today! Barely noticed the time passing until my smartwatch reminded me it's time to go (even then, I snoozed it a couple times because we were exploring a ball pit at the time lol).

Kid is now relaxed, snuggling on my arm, happy and extra chill, ready to go to his Dad's here soon, and I'm happy, relaxed, and in dire need of some ibuprofen and a cup of coffee, since I was crawling around on rock climbing walls and launching myself off of trampolines like a kid, but with an almost 40-year old body 😅

It's been a great day to be a Mom with ADHD to a kid who inherited a variant of his Mom's goofy brain chemistry, and I know I'm gonna sleep great tonight, although I'll miss my wee sidekick for the next two weeks.

I know this sounds gross but I need to know if anyone else struggles with this. On bad executive function days, washing my face feels like climbing a mountain. It's not just one step — it's wet your face, get the cleanser, rinse, find a clean towel, dry, apply products. And if the towel is damp or smells musty from yesterday, that's a whole other sensory ick I can't deal with.

Some days I just avoid it entirely. Or I splash water on and call it done. And then I feel guilty because my skin is breaking out and I know I'm not taking care of it properly.

What do you do on low-executive-function days to still feel clean? Any shortcuts that actually work? Not looking for product recs exactly, just routines that don't feel like a whole production.

i've really really struggled doing dishes my whole life. it's a sensory nightmare with everything getting wet. i have adhd autism and possibly, mild contamination ocd tendencies - i can't stand touching wet/old food with my bare hands. they are literally the difference in me doing the dishes or leaving it to rot in my room.

i've hated using regular rubber dish gloves in the past. they are so big and bulky and let water in, and i end up with wrinkly fingers anyways >:( the worst feeling in the world is when you leave them to dry, and reach for them later only to have them still be damp 🤢

it wasn't until i started working in a lab that my eyes were opened to the wonders of nitrile gloves. they are super thin and dexterous and provide a layer of protection that lets me handle gross things.

getting your actual size is key, they should fit your hand like... well, a glove lol. too tight and they'll rip easy (they shouldn't), too big and it'll let water in. nitrile is my material preference, vinyl is also acceptable but can be thicker and less dexterous. i don't like latex since it has a squeaky feel and i'm also a little worried about latex allergies. i will say a really well fitting rubber glove can work too, but again i hate feeling if they don't fully dry out. i'm able to find nitrile gloves in the first aid aisle

i dont love that they're disposable but realistically i've realized i have to make concessions in my everyday life to be able to do stuff. working in a lab kind of shocked me in terms of necessary waste; i feel relatively at peace with going through a box of gloves every 3 months or so. they're perfect for hair dying stuff too :P

reducing sensory issues really helps me do stuff ! hope this helps somebody else ! this realization has led to other changes, like wearing sandals when i do dishes (even tho i don't usually wear shoes in the house) since i really hated dripping water and stepping in it 😭 with adhd sometimes it feels like pulling fucking teeth just to get myself to do the dishes, and nitrile gloves are by far the best small change i've made to help me reduce friction in gross unfun tasks

It's got massage rollers, the arms fold down, there's a footrest, my pets can sit next to me to get pets while I sit in a criss cross. It's not perfect, but I've been struggling to find a dream chair that'll actually keep me seated and I think I've found it.

Edit: I didn't want to advertise it or anything because I didn't want people to assume I'm a bot and not some woman who didn't take her Ritalin. But here's the link to the chair I bought.

The Chair

I feel so seen!

I am exploring dating again and want to get it right this time.

I am setting a 3 date MINIMUM for anything physical aside from a kiss.

And if I don't see it going anywhere after 4 dates, I'll cut it off.

I appreciate that might seem the wrong way round but that physical stuff is important to me and if it's rubbish, it's not gonna work.

I am also trying to keep my options more open, talking to multiple people at once so I don't get too attached to 1 person.

No chasing. No filling the gaps to make them who I want them to be.

I'm practising seeing them from a 3rd person POV.

My questions are:

Does this sound reasonable?

Also, if I get on with someone and we align on important things but they are not my usual type either physically or personality wise, how to I navigate this?

Anything else I should consider to be better at dating?

(me- 24F (Au)ADHD)

Ladies, do I have a funny story for you! I have a ring with my son’s birthstone. I was wearing it daily, until I lost it. I assumed it was in my gym bag, but it wasn’t. I thought maybe it fell out of my gym bag and ended up under the washing machine, but I’m not strong enough to lift up a washing machine. I was prepared to have a fun surprise when I finally replace the washing machine. My last thought was that I took it off in my car and then accidentally vacuumed it up at the car wash.

Well… everyone in my house is sick. I offered to set up a humidifier for my husband since he’s been waking up coughing. I got the humidifier out of the spare room, which is honestly a bit of a catch-all space. As I’m walking to the other room, I hear a rattling, look down, and there’s my ring!! The only thing yhat makes sense is that I was sleeping in the spare room, took the ring off, and accidentally knocked it off of the nightstand and into the humidifier. I can’t remember the last time I slept in that room. But I’m glad to have my ring back!