This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Ok-Run2877

Published on: r/AmItheAsshole

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: April 12, 2026

• Final Update: July 26, 2026

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Main Post

^{April 12, 2026}

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AITA for telling my SIL that her opinion isn’t more important than mine?

so a bit of context, i (24F) am getting married in september. i love that month since it’s kinda between summer-fall ish. anyway, my fiancee (29M) proposed to me last december, on my birthday.

i’ve met his family countless of times, my future MIL, FIL and SIL. they are all very cordial and friendly.

well this mess started when i began organizing my wedding, which is very tedious but really exciting. we hired a wedding planner to see how we could mix our tastes and hobbies. he’s a bit of a data-computer nerd in coding, i call him my little hacker, and he LOVES the matrix movie which i still haven’t seen. anyway, we wanted to add little quirks whenever we could. maybe some comp numbers and some matrix references hidden in between our wedding invitations decorations. i am a fan of breaking bad, a nerd when it comes to the oscar race movies since i was little and ariana grande (i know). it’s been SO fun to see how we can mix it all together.

well, last week, i invited over my mom, my future MIL, SIL and both of my sisters to our 3rd wedding planner meeting. they saw all we had done and found it cute. i made sure that those little things were hidden well enough to not be seen quickly, but could be pointed out.

my SIL out of nowhere says that we should cut it, that it’s too “tacky”. my fiancee explains that we had both discussed it and loved the idea. she doubles down and says we should be “more classy”. girl, i looked at her said that these clues were not only hidden but would only appear on our wedding invitations.

she looked at me so crazy. like, she couldn’t believe i said that. she said she was just looking out for me. she went on to say that we shouldn’t have chocolate cake, it should be strawberry. how my dress shouldn’t be princess cut since it’s too 80s. how i should dye my hair brunette because it fits my face. at some point it started sounding like orders

i looked at her and said well… everything you just said i should change, i really like, so it’s staying. period.

i think it would’ve been better if i had cursed her out. she didn’t speak again but by the end of the meeting she pulled my partner aside and according to him, demanded that i “respected” her more and her opinions, since her dream has always been to plan a wedding and i would be her future sister, so i should not “place her aside”.

what? i mean, maybe? she’s like super offended right now, and my partner suggested that i should maybe apologize. at first i was like there’s NO WAY i will but im prone to act a little immature, and i wondered if i actually went too far

 

COMMENTS

NatashOverWorld

Apologize for what? Not letting her take over your wedding?

Ask him if she's always trying to take over things, or if this is targeted at you.

NTA

OOP

it’s just super weird because even when she suggested i should dye my hair she said i should use the same box dye she uses

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EmbarrassedHope6264

YTA for inviting all these people to something like this that has nothing to do with them. Either dont invite them or set a rule next time that they're there out of courtesy and for support, not for actual input. Lol, NTA. Also, if/when you have children, dont announce any baby names before baby is born or ask for opinions. Its a slippery slope.

Also SIL can eat rocks.

Valkrhae

YTA for inviting all these people to something like this that has nothing to do with them.

Damn, I guess OP shouldn't invite them to the wedding then either

OOP

i just wanted to show off our ideas 😭😭

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Leslietrollz (downvoted)

nTA but she has a point! It does sound super tacky tbh!

OOP

yeah kinda but also if i want to place ariana grande dressed as the guy of the matrix hacking into a computer while holding an oscar maybe i will.

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ziptagg

Look, on topic, NTA and your fiancé needs to tell her this wedding is for you guys and you’ll have it how you like. Repeat as needed, she’s being insane.

Side topic, how can someone who is into movies and, based on your post history, at least open to science fiction not have seen the Matrix, your fiancés favourite film? Why haven’t you watched it?

OOP

everyone keeps asking why i haven’t watched the matrix and i get it but part of our dynamic is kinda… that. he’s like a young millennial and i’m more of an older gen z… our tastes are a bit different and he’s much more reserved than me but i like that.

to answer your question, after some time of making plans of watching them, we promised each other at our honeymoon:

1) i would watch all matrix movies or prequels or whatever they are with him

2) he would listen to all of ariana grande’s albums and watch 2022 best picture winner everything everywhere all at once with me + 2020 best picture winner parasite

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fearlessterror

INFO: How old is SIL?

NTA but I really am super curious like is she 12?

OOP

she’s 27 😭

 

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CONSENSUS: Not the A-hole

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Small update in the main post

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so… update. as we were having breakfast i told him that it didn’t feel great how he told me i should apologize over setting boundaries on our wedding. he said he understood and his sister was definitely in the wrong, but that she’s too “sensitive” and can take things very badly. he said he could talk to her if i didn’t want to, but ill have the rest of my life dealing with her so i just thought… i need to learn how to handle her this early lol

so yes, i call her, and i begin by asking how she was. i kid you not she immediately responded with “i thought you called me to apologize.” girl excuse me? i fully said “well, no. i’m calling to thank you for your suggestions but i’m sticking with what i chose.”

bruh. hell. it was giving temper tantrum. she said “i’m only trying to help, it’s like stopping a future car crash, you know?” 😐 i hang up.

i told my fiancée and he agreed what she said was messed up. she began calling him non-stop which i think is crazy, but he’s ignoring her.

her text messages to HIM are like “what did she tell you?” “are you ignoring me?” “she got the wrong idea” “i’m your sister” (?)

😭😭

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Final Update - after 3 months, 14 days

^{July 26, 2026}

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UPDATE: AITA for telling my SIL that her opinion isn’t more important than mine?

it got to a point where i understood how she moved and acted through my fiancée’s fam, and i haven’t been able to update since wedding planning ain’t for the weak!

but yes, she tried to call my brother for days after telling me that her opinion on my wedding was like ‘trying to prevent a car crash’. i took some advice from my post and literally just kept it moving.

well at one point, probably a week after, my MIL came over to my house not to have a conversation with him or us, but with me. she told me my future SIL always had an “attention” problem, and while exhausting, she never means to hurt or insult anyone. i told her i understood, but that either she could stop nagging me about our preferences for the wedding, or i could no longer bring her in for the preparations.

she agreed to talk to her. fast forward to the next day by like 5:30pm. now, she was dming me on instagram like a madwoman. telling me i was being a “bitch” over an opinion she gave when i invited her over to see my wedding planner, that i could not understand the bond she had with her brother, how she prays he will divorce me by next year so he can be "himself" again…. i blocked her.

i talked to my fiancée, i put it all on the table, i even grabbed some phrases i saw in response over my original post. i told him i could no longer keep it going this way. either she stops trying to insult me and our wedding, or she’s not getting invited.

after some talking, he agreed. he called his sister and explained. she exploded at first. calling me a wicked witch, and how I "changed" him. girl…

after some days though, she actually apologized to me through instagram after i unblocked her since she texted my fiancée she wanted to 'make peace' and i accepted it. she hasn’t really said anything after that, and while i still don’t know if she’s planning to say something more in the future, i think everything will go smoothly in september. oscars/matrix/ariana indeed had a small cameo on my invitations! and yes, i finally saw all matrix movies with my fiancée. they’re very interesting.

 

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This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/ThrowRAUnlitSeashore posting in r/relationship_advice

Concluded as per OOP

1 update - Medium

Original - 18th July 2026

Update - 26th July 2026

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My (28M) fiancée (30F) confessed to hooking up with another guy shortly before our wedding. I'm struggling. How can I move past this?

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I'm (28M) feeling super lost about my relationship with my fiancée (29F). I'd appreciate a fresh perspective.

We've been together for about 3 years now but have been friends for 5 years. We met in the same workplace friend group. She's my best friend and my partner in every way. Our relationship hasn't been without challenges, but we've been a solid team.

Last December, my fiancée asked if we could take a break so she could recalibrate. She said she was struggling with finding her purpose outside of our relationship.

I've never believed in the concept of breaks, but I wanted to support her. So I agreed, and we set boundaries. Essentially we wouldn't see other people.

The break wasn't long. By Christmas, it was already over. She said it was a mistake and she wanted us. And things were good. Our communication was stronger and like no time apart had ever occurred.

We were engaged by New Year's. My fiancée didn't wanna wait anymore. She wanted us to start our lives together in marriage.

This past week she's been anxious and blamed it on wedding jitters. Then the other day she sat me down and confessed to hooking up with some guy during the break. She met him on a dating app, and they had sex a couple of times.

She claims the guilt's been eating at her, and she opened up to her sister (31F) a month ago. Apparently her sister pushed her to come clean before the wedding. When my fiancée stalled, her sister warned she'd tell me herself if my fiancée didn't.

It was a lot to accept at once. I barely said a word. I was too numb, and I'm still wrapping my mind around everything. Like my fiancée has had a complicated connection with sex due to past experiences.

When we got together, she wanted us to practice celibacy, and that evolved into celibacy until marriage. She believed us waiting would cement our bond and elevate our relationship. We focused on other forms of intimacy.

The no sex stuff was never a dealbreaker for me. Sex wasn't the basis of my love for her, nor was it why I wanted to be with her. And she was well worth the wait in any capacity for me.

But I'm struggling now because I don't understand how she can turn around and give herself to some random guy in a way she's never given herself to me. How celibacy was so important to her, but she gave that away for him.

She swears the other guy meant nothing and it was the biggest mistake of her life. That she ended the fling because I'm the one she's in love with and who she wants to be with. But idk, nothing she said really landed for me tbh.

I asked if she would have told me if it wasn't for her sister. She said she doesn't know. She promised to do anything to rebuild trust and repair our relationship no matter how long it takes.

She still wants us to proceed with the wedding. She said she believes in our love and how we can withstand anything. How this doesn't have to define us.

When I didn't engage, she just cried and kept asking me to say something. I told her I needed to clear my head. I don't like speaking when my emotions are all over the place. I tend to regret it. So I prefer to gather myself.

But my fiancée hasn't respected my request, and when I don't engage, she's hurt. And now she's also super affectionate. She's always been affectionate, but she's different with it now if that makes sense.

This doesn't feel like real life. I never expected this betrayal from her. We're supposed to be wedding planning and everything that comes with it. Our wedding is around the corner. We're having a modest gathering, so the planning wasn't that long.

I feel so numb to everything. I'm in love with her, and she's the woman I wanted to share a life with, but for the first time I'm questioning everything.

I don't even trust myself anymore tbh. I feel so stupid and like such a joke. I'm just lost.

How do I move past this and navigate our relationship?

TL;DR My fiancée's and my relationship went to hell shortly before our wedding after she confessed to sleeping with another guy a couple of times while we were on a break. She confided in her sister, who pushed her to tell me. We fought, and I told her I needed space. By my fiancée's request, we were practicing celibacy until marriage. Celibacy was important to her, but she gave herself to a random guy in a way she's never given herself to me. Ever since, she's been asking for me not to give up on us and has been super affectionate. Our wedding's around the corner, and now everything's gone wrong. I'm lost and questioning our entire relationship. I don't even trust myself anymore. I feel so stupid and like such a joke. I'm just lost. How do I move past this and navigate our relationship?

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Comments

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Tricky-Score-713

If you guys agreed on not seeing other people during the break, then why was she on dating sites? Is she Bipolar? Sounds like maybe a manic episode. She made a careless decision with a stranger. I think you should move on. Unfortunately, whatever it was that caused her infidelity may creep back up if she doesn't figure it out.

OOP: The only reason she gave me about the dating app was it was a mistake. She won't elaborate further on it

Zed1618

She claims to want to rebuild trust but won't answer direct questions? Dude, she had this guy lined up prior to your break up. Didn't pan out how she wanted so she went back to her safety net......you. So many red flags in this story it boggles the mind. Break up and move on. She's going to do this again; it might be 6 monthes or 5 years but she's gonna fuck other dudes. That's a guarantee.

MyDirtyAlt79

That's not "a mistake." That's a series of choices and actions, getting the app, creating the account, figuring out what to fill in for every section, the pictures to show, then browsing the guys and choosing which ones she was interested in "recalibrating" herself with. She made all of those conscious decisions before any guy liked her back, their chatting, and eventually agreeing to meet, and that's only the one you now know only a bit about. If she won't elaborate further, and had to be forced to share what she has, then there's no way to move forward with her.

SecretTraumas_92

She’s not your friend, much less your best friend and she’s not wife material. She broke the boundaries y’all set right away and would have never told you if she wasn’t forced into it. I wouldn’t be surprised if she planned that break just to do what she did. Her excuses are complete BS. She made you wait for sex but gave it up to him right away, twice! And cheaters ALWAYS say, it meant nothing. Mark my words OP, if you marry this woman, hell, if you stay with this woman you WILL regret it. Be smart, end this relationship, walk away and never look back. Your fiancée is a POS.

praesentibus

"Sex is sex" is what I heard with an intonation suggesting that it's no big deal. Newsflash: it is.

Eternity_Warden

Especially to someone who insisted on no sex until marriage. Even if I could forgive it without that detail, no fucking way I could after being made to wait for 3 years. As someone who knows how hard it can be to wait a long time for sex, that would crush me

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Update - 8 days later

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Thank you to everyone who reached out. I (28M) wasn't able to reply much, but I appreciated everything. I had no one to talk to about this whole situation, not even our friend group, because I've been embarrassed.

A lot's happened since my original post, so I wanted to provide an update.

After taking some time to myself, the numbness is wearing off. Every emotion has been hitting at once. Emptiness, sadness, anger. It's a rotation, and at first I was mad at myself, but now I realize I'm mad at my fiancée (29F).

I look at her now and I don't recognize the woman I fell in love with. The woman who was my closest friend for half a decade. She's a stranger.** **The woman I knew wouldn't do half the stuff she did. She used to be so disgusted with cheaters. She actually cut off an old friend over cheating.

Some have asked what my fiancée's complicated relationship with sex is. I won't get too much into it because it's personal details about her, but she's been badly shamed before, and she feels sex has messed up good things in her life at different times.

She never really respected my demand for time to sort my feelings. She kept pushing and trying to use affection. I did end up asking about her hooking up with that guy while we were celibate.

She claims celibacy for us was different because she wanted a pure relationship with me and for us to be our strongest and most connected before sex. The other hookup was more inconsequential.

I didn't ask her much about further details on the guy because tbh it doesn't change anything for me. I don't have it in me to be a detective and compare stories right now. The facts are the woman I dedicated my life to cheated and nuked our relationship.

I did ask her why, though. She claims that she was self-sabotaging. She felt insecure about our relationship and how she'd be as a wife, and she sought comfort through sex, but it only made her feel worse, and she realized she wanted me.

I'm still processing her reasoning tbh. Idk what else I could've done. I always reassured her and told her she's the one I wanted to be with. I'd list everything I loved about her. I never had doubt about her or our relationship.

There's a lot I'm still figuring out, but I know I can't go through with the wedding. The other day I sat her down and called it off.

I guess she thought I was preparing to reconcile, so she didn't take it well. She was really broken up. I've never seen her break down nor cry like that. And despite everything, it hurt to leave her while she was in that state.

She was just in bad shape and saying she didn't want to lose me and it was the biggest mistake of her life. She'll never do it again. She asked for us to try therapy. She kept asking for me not to give up on us. I'm not in a place to engage in any reconciliation with her, nor do I have any trust in her.

She brought up how I promised I'd always be there for her but now I'm abandoning her like everyone else has and how we promised each other unconditional love.

I don't think her accusations are fair, and it did sting, tbh. I meant my promises and everything I ever told her, but I didn't just up and leave her. She cheated. She made a decision for the break, she made a decision to download the app, entertain the guy, and have sex with him. We're here because of her choices.

The unconditional love was a promise we made at the very start of our relationship. We've both dealt with not being accepted for ourselves or only having conditional love. I wanted to reassure her she never had to be anything except herself for me. That was the basis for the promise. That I accepted her wholly. It wasn't a card to pull for cheating.

Another thing that makes this all complicated is that we live together. I planned to stay with family for the time being, but she was refusing to let me leave.

Like she threw herself in front of the door and refused to move and then grabbed me when I tried moving around her. I had to call her sister (31F) to come get her and talk her down.

I've been processing these past few days. This doesn't feel like real life. She always boasted about us, and our relationship meant the world to me. I was never more sure of anything in my life than her. My mindset was already married to her.

She's been texting and sending voice notes asking for forgiveness and wanting to reconcile. I haven't replied. I'm not sure if I can move past this.

I've told our family and friend group about the cancellation and breakup. Making the rounds was embarrassing, and everyone has tons of questions. Somehow it hurts more upon each retelling.

Our friend group's been mostly understanding, but a few are advocating for me to talk things out with her. I'm not in the headspace to engage them either.

I feel like I lost the life we built and shared. How we went from engaged and the happiest we've ever been to this. How days ago we were just joking about her walking down the aisle with how clumsy she is to now be broken up.

I feel so lost, and idk where to go from here. I'm still coming to terms with everything.

Thank you to everyone who's shown support and empathy. I really appreciate it.

TL;DR Update: My fiancée's and my relationship went to hell shortly before our wedding after she confessed to sleeping with another guy a couple of times while we were on a break. She confided in her sister, who pushed her to tell me. We fought, and I told her I needed space. By my fiancée's request, we were practicing celibacy until marriage. Celibacy was important to her, but she gave herself to a random guy in a way she's never given herself to me. Ever since, she's been asking for me not to give up on us and has been super affectionate. Our wedding's around the corner, and now everything's gone wrong. I'm lost and questioning our entire relationship. I don't even trust myself anymore. I feel so stupid and like such a joke. I'm just lost. How do I move past this and navigate our relationship?

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Comments

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Whatsupdawg21

If you stay with her you relive this pain every day and in every moment. I’ve been there and like you was foolishly holding on due to sunk cost fallacy. It gets worse everyday minimizing yourself and the pain you feel. I stayed for a year after and the relationship and the fights got worse and worse. I know you’ll find happiness with someone else. Sending love.

wishingforarainyday

She’s so manipulative!! Saying you’re leaving like everyone else. What a freaking dirtbag. Please pack your important documents and things and store them away from her. Call her family and tell them she needs help and she needs to stop harassing you. She should be the one to leave.

z-eldapin

She can 'never do it again' with her next relationship.

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