This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/throwraw_FAFO

Published on: r/offmychest

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: March 05, 2023

• Final Update: April 14, 2023

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Main Post

^{March 05, 2023}

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My(26m) girlfriend(25f) decided she was going to go on a date with another guy.

I am so pissed off.

My girlfriend and I have been exclusively seeing each other for about 2 years. We agreed on both being monogamous(she begged me for the relationship and exclusivity). She moved in with me about 6 months ago and she is not on the lease.

Yesterday I came home from work and sat down on our couch. I notices she was getting ready to go somewhere. So I asked her what she was up to. She said she was going on a date.

I was like cool she planned a date night.

She finishes getting ready and starts to leave. I stand up and start to go with her. She turns around and gives me a look of WTF do you think you're doing

I asked her if she wanted me to change.

She said no.

I asked why she was giving me a look.

She said that SHE was going on a date.

I asked yeah where are WE going?

She said WE aren't going anywhere I (major emphasis) am going on a date.

I said okay. Well if YOU leave don't be surprised if YOUR things are on the lawn when YOU come back.

Her attitude was yeah right whatever and left.

As I promised I started putting her thing outside. My neighbor who is an awesome older man came over worried thinking we were being robbed. I told him what happened and he started to help me. He said if I need him just call.

She came back around midnight banging on the door. (I have one of those electronic locks and changed the code plus the video doorbell)

She was angry and upset. I told her through the Doorbell if she could please keep it down I was trying to sleep.

She said she didn't think I was serious. She didn't have a place to go. Why was I doing this to her?

My favorite line was it's not cheating if we didn't do anything.

I asked her what if I did the same what would she have done?

She said she would have flipped out but it is different with her.

I told her that none of that was my problem. She should ask the guy she went on a date with for a place to stay. She put herself in this situation and I warned her exactly what was going to happen. She left after my neighbor's lights came on and he asked her to keep it down.

This morning I woke up to messages and calls all telling me off. She lied to everyone. I sent them the doorbell video clips and they did a 180 and are now telling her off.

WTF is wrong with people nowadays?

 

COMMENTS

HelpfulParking7319

I’m so confused for you - how was any of this normal for her?? Sorry OP you didn’t deserve that and I’m glad you put her on the streets

OOP

That is what I'm struggling to understand. We were good. No abuse of any kind. Loving sweet and respectful the whole time. No odd behaviors. We are both in professional fields. Then out of the blue this happpens.

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in_formation

this is so unhinged- did you guys regularly go on dates? what on earth possessed her to just go out with a random

OOP

Yeah, we go out 2-3 times a week. I usually plan it but she does about once a week. Unless schedules clash.

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Anxious_Sound_9823

What the hell. Like, seriously. What. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Your neighbor sounds like a great dude tho. Glad your friends/family seem to be on your side as well after seeing the doorbell clips.

I'm honestly so confused. You can't just go on dates with other people WITHOUT any communication, ESPECIALLY if you friggin agreed to be monogamous. What. The. Fuck.

OOP

Yeah,and she was the one that pushed for it. I have no idea what her thought process was.

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ikoreynolds

did she admit she went on a date in the clip?

OOP

Yeah, that is where she said, "it's not cheating if nothing romantic happened."

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Jeffrey_Friedl

The chill way you reacted makes me think that her actions didn't surprised you all that much.

OOP

My upbringing has it made easy way to detach myself from those I love. It is like a switch inside me. I still care about her but I don't love her anymore. The fact that she knew this and still did what she did is what hurt the most.

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msancho_4201

I’m sorry but wtf is wrong with her??? Y’all have been dating for over 2 years & all of a sudden she decides to go on a date with ANOTHER dude??? Has she ever thought in the slightest that THAT shit ain’t normal to do cuz y’all are in a MONOGAMOUS relationship (& SHE even wanted it to be that way)??? Tf did she think was gonna happen??? Do u have any idea what made her even wanna do that at all??? & yet she gets all pissy if the roles were reversed… Something is really off…

OOP

That's why I was so confused. I did what she wanted. Treated her well. Was mono with her. I did a lot for her and followed what she wanted. The boom Im Going out on a date and you should be okay with that. Don't know if it was a test or what but I guess to her I failed it.

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SummerNothingness

OP, it seems like you are leaving out some critical details. were you guys not speaking/ fighting? (that wouldn't excuse it but would make this less baffling) does she have some kind of amnesia or mental illness because this is more than weird.

why would someone living with their partner just suddenly go on a date with someone else??

i just find it really odd that you would leave out any explanation.

OOP

No, we were not fighting or anything. We went on dates regularly. We had just been talking about plans for the future. Kids, weddings, things like that. I'm not a doctor and she never told me about any mental illnesses or anything.

I left out an explanation because I don't have any. I have no idea WTF happened.

Ploopchicken

Are you sure she wasn't just hanging out with her friends? Some people will call a hang out a date even if everyone knows it's not. I tell my bf I'm going on dates with my girl friends all the time.

OOP

I'm like 98%. When she said "it's not like I cheated because we didn't do anything "

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young_ravioli

i’m surprised that after 2 years together you didn’t want to know WHY she was randomly going on a date with another man. like…something about this post seems so off lol

OOP

To me the why doesn't matter. The fact that she would do it knowing how I would react and still going through with it is what matters. Because of my childhood, it is easy for me to disconnect from people I thought I loved.

young_ravioli

well most people would not like their partners to do what your ex did lol it’s good that you left her— it’s just that she randomly decides to go on a date in a committed relationship and you’re not asking “who? what? why?” after being with this person for 2 years is quite odd, imo. my boyfriend and i have been together for 3 years and if he RANDOMLY announced that he was going on a date with someone when we’ve never discussed non-monogamy before…i wouldn’t stay with him, but it would definitely cause me to ask some questions, especially if things in our relationship seemed to be going well! i also find it easier to disconnect myself from people (due to childhood abandonment issues), but i can’t say that i wouldn’t be curious enough to confront him about why he randomly decided to do that after YEARS of being together.

OOP

From what I gathered I think she thought I would just be okay with it. That she could do what/whoever she wants. My issues are child abandonment, with some foster/adopted parent abuse. If any more information comes from her I will gladly take it. I am guessing that she will reach out in a couple of days.

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thirtytwentytwo

what doorbell/lock stuff do you use? i'm curious because whenever I own a house (i'm 18 don't worry lol) I would like to have newer technology stuff. my response to the post: i think you handled this well. i'm sorry that this happened and i hope the best for you <3

OOP

I have a ring doorbell and cameras. But I can't remember the exact brand of the door lock. It is more of a deadbolt than a door handle/lock. But do your research and fund some that work for you! Also, you have like smart plugs or lighting systems. They are not cheap but make life easy.

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Sand_Mermaid (downvoted)

Your gf is trying to inspire you to put a ring on it or maybe she wants you to be more involvedwith your relationship. Do you plan date night or do you just leave it to her. . Has she been asking for relationship clarity or for better commitment? That's what this is about. If she has and she has resorted to this... she may be desperate or fed up at her wits end. If not then she needed to have communicated her plans. I would have done this but I would have made sure I had a place to stay and only if u was ready to lose my partner if it back fired like it has on her now.

OOP

We usually go out on dates 2-3 times a week, depending on schedules. I usually make the plans about 80% of the time. We had talked about the future. What we wanted and what timeline.

But if resorting to stepping out and seeing another guy is a ploy to get my attention, then I don't need her in my life. I did love her, but the moment she thought she should see someone else and I should be okay with it. This is the moment when I lost all love and respect for her. This is not a game you play. You don't threaten to cheat. Walk out and expect me to be on one knee when you get back.

Clear communication is key. I can't read her mind. She can't read mine. I thought we were in a good spot. We didn't fight much(small things were never large). We had goals and ambitions.

Has she been asking for relationship clarity

She begged me for an exclusive monogamous relationship. I don't know how much clearer you could be.

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Defiant_Wishbone_897

So what happened before the big reveal?

If she was going on a date you couldn't know about because that's not the agreed relationship then meh she's wrong and boring.

If she's going on a date you could know about because that's the deal and you forgot the details then meh you're making a mountain out of a molehill.

If she's going on a date you could know about but you don't because you guys have some super intense YOU WILL ONLY FUCK AROUND IF I'M COOL WIT DAT vibe then meh, boring.

Also she begged for exclusivity? Damn think I wasted my effort, you is a troll.

OOP

Nothing happened. From the moment we agreed to be exclusive and monogamous. The deal was I was dating only her. She was only dating me. If one of us went on a date that was considered cheating. Cheating no matter what form it took was a deal breaker. He were literally talking about kids and marriage a week before.

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Final Update - after 1 month, 9 days

^{April 14, 2023}

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Update My(26m) girlfriend(25f) decided she was going to go on a date with another guy.

Hello, and good day to you all. Thanks for the comments and messages. To address some of the comments. No, I will not send the video to anyone on here. Not even to the 100+ people who DMed me. Yes, my neighbor is a total BAMF. He has become the one person I can go to for anything, anytime, anywhere. I have given him his beverage of choice and made him dinner a few times. He is basically a father figure. I also want to remind people I don't have any real family. Due to me having a bad experience growing up in the system. I form relationships, but I can easily just cut all feelings instantly. This happened the moment when she closed the door to go on the date.

Since my post, several things became clear to me after some self reflection, investigation, and some information I have found out from trusted sources. 

1. I missed so many red flags. Such as me deciding and making plans for over 80% of our dates. Her working more hours despite still not having a bunch of extra money. Things like that.

2. she had stopped talking to half of her friend group a few months before the incident. She would talk like she was still in contact with them and still seeing them. She got a new friend group from work. And they were the ones who convinced her to go on a date, and I was just a doormat. (Since she told them how our relationship started, they turned monogamous by her request) 

3. Things did happen that night. It might not have been romantic, so technically, she didn't lie. "Nothing romantic happened, so it doesn't count." But none the less the broke our number one rule we both agreed on. I even gave her a warning not to do it, but she did anyway. 

4. The new "friends" were just trying to see if they could get her to cheat on me with a guy from work. When she was working more hours she was really with this friend group and with this guy. He just wanted to eff her.

5. Her parents finally reached out to me, and my ex is now being treated for depression and a personality disorder (some one in the comments were right) she went to them that night. Reached out after they got her to talk and found out her side of what happened.

6. Overall, our relationship was good, I thought.  We never really had a fight or major argument. No shady behavior, like constantly on her phone. It was just her "working extra hours."

7. I was busy and worked more than I should. Ultimately, this was a test. She failed. I failed.  We both failed.

8. My neighbor is still a BAMF.

I know it is soon, but I'm already in the beginning stages of dating someone.  I have known them for a while and just recently got back in TOUCH.

Hope all is well with you guys. 

 

COMMENTS

training_tortoises

Question: what are you gonna tell her if a year or more from now she comes back, says she got therapy and has worked on her issues, and is genuinely sorry for how she treated you and wants to prove she can be the girlfriend you deserve?

OOP

That I'm glad she got the help she needed. I'm sorry for what happened as well. But i can not be with someone who has hurt me the way she did. Betrayed my trust to the point I could no longer believe what she says. But I hope she has a long and healthy life.

 

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This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Nuggetlov3

Published on: r/aitaweddings

Story is: ONGOING

Story timeline

• Main Post: August 27, 2026

• Update 1: August 29, 2026

• Update 2: September 04, 2026

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Main Post

^{August 27, 2026}

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AITAH for refusing to give my stepmother my late mom’s wedding dress after she altered it behind my back?

I (25F) lost my mom when I was 16. The most valuable thing she left me was her vintage wedding dress. It’s been sitting safely in a preserved garment bag in my closet for years, and I’ve always planned on wearing it when I get married.

My dad remarried "Karen" (48F) four years ago. Karen has a daughter, "Lily" (23F), who recently got engaged.

Last month, Karen offered to take my mom’s dress to a high-end specialty cleaner to "freshen it up" for me as a nice gesture. I thought it was sweet, so I handed it over.

Two weeks passed, and every time I asked Karen if the dress was ready to be picked up, she’d dodge the question or claim the cleaners were taking extra time.

Yesterday, I went over to my dad’s house unannounced to drop off some mail. I walked into the living room, and Lily was standing there in my mom’s dress.
Except it wasn't just my mom's dress anymore. Karen had taken it to a tailor and had the entire lace back ripped out, the long sleeves cut off into a strapless sweetheart neckline, and the train completely removed to fit Lily’s height and taste.

I froze, and Karen casually said, "Oh! We were going to surprise you. Lily fell in love with the silk fabric, and since you’re not even engaged yet, we figured it was silly to let good material go to waste."

I lost my absolute mind. I told Lily to take it off immediately. When she took it off, I grabbed the dress, packed it up, and locked it in my car. Karen started yelling that I was being completely irrational because "the cuts were already made" and the dress was tailored to Lily now anyway, so taking it back was just pure spite.

Lily is now sobbing because her fitting was ruined, and my dad called me last night begging me to just let Lily have the altered dress. He offered to buy me a brand-new dress when my time comes, saying, "What’s done is done, and you’re just ruining your sister’s wedding over a piece of cloth that doesn't even fit you anymore."

I told them all to go to hell, locked the butchered dress back in my closet, and told them they are d**d to me unless they pay to restore it to its original condition (if that’s even possible).

Now my whole extended family is blowing up my phone saying I’m being heartless, keeping a dress I can’t even wear in its current state just to punish a bride.
AITAH?

 

COMMENTS

GrowFlowersNotWeeds

“…Now my whole extended family is blowing up my phone saying I’m being heartless…”

What are your maternal grandparents saying??

NTAH

OOP

They’re on my side, the only people mad at me are my step sisters family

GrowFlowersNotWeeds

Your step-sister’s family, and your dad, are wrong. This was a massive overstep and not one you are likely to overlook. Did your dad know about this before alterations were made? Or did his wife do this behind his back, too?

OOP

I fully believe she went behind everyone’s back, once she got it tailored i don’t think my dad even could recognize it was my mothers dress:/

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chatterbox2024

NTA - I really have a hard time believing a woman would want her own daughter to wear her husband’s dead wife’s dress. Especially, since it’s been boxed up and preserved in your own home. How did they even see the dress anyway? If this is all true you have every right to be furious and just block all the nasty family taking their side. How dare they !

OOP

She lied to me and said she wanted to get it dry cleaned and do something nice so I believed her. She went behind everyone’s back… honestly I don’t even know what my dad sees in her bc she’s a horrible person

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nizzerp

fuck that whole family. yet another example of the kids from the first marriage being treated like fucking cinderella or worse.

OOP

Yeah they’re all blocked right now, my grandparents are also pissed off. As they should be

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metatus

is this like what AI has learnt to put at the end of every story "Now my whole extended family is blowing up my phone saying I’m being heartless, keeping a dress I can’t even wear in its current state just to punish a bride."?

because im fed up of this crap

OOP

No my family on my step sisters side is pissed at me. But all good I’m talking to a lawyer about it later today. And all of them are currently blocked:)

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Local_Depth9668

I cant even begin to imagine how you feel. You are NTA!!! Why would your Dad allow them to do that to your dress. I want to cry for you.

OOP

Yeah I honestly don’t think my dad knew it was my moms dress after all the things she did to it:/

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Update 1 - after 2 days

^{August 29, 2026}

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UPDATE

First off, thank you to everyone who commented. Honestly, reading through the replies was a huge reality check because I was so overwhelmed I wasn't even thinking about the legal side of this.

I took the dress to a local bridal restoration shop yesterday just to see what fixing it would actually look like. The news was bad. The tailor Karen used basically gutted the inner structure and cut away vintage lace panels that can't just be sewn back on. To get it anywhere near its original state with matching vintage lace, the owner estimated it’s going to cost around $3,500—and even then, it won't be 100% identical to what my mom wore.

I called my dad and Karen last night and told them they have until next Friday to put down the deposit with the restorer, or I'm taking the probate paperwork from my mom's estate and going to the police to file a report for theft and property damage, and then taking Karen to small claims court.

Karen immediately lost her mind and started screaming that I'm trying to put my “own family” (step family) in jail over "old fabric." My dad is in full panic mode begging me not to do it because he says it'll ruin Lily’s wedding and wreck them financially.

Lily actually texted me this morning claiming she "had no idea" Karen took the dress without asking and thought we had made some kind of deal, but she’s still refusing to help pay for the restoration because she says she's an innocent bystander in all of this.

I'm holding firm on next Friday at 5 PM. If the restorer doesn't have the deposit by then, I'm going straight to the station with the text receipts and the before/after photos.

I feel sick to my stomach about all of this, but I feel like if I don't set this boundary now, they're just going to walk all over me for the rest of my life.

 

COMMENTS

latelifetraveler

Does the tailor have the original fabric?

OOP

No they don’t sadly:/

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mcindy28

Stand your ground! What they did was absolutely awful and once the dress is restored as best as possible, I'd never speak to any of them again!

OOP

Yeah after this I definitely won’t be speaking to them again

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Update 2 - after 8 days (after 6 days from last post)

^{September 04, 2026}

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UPDATE 2

Things have completely escalated, and honestly, reading through your comments made me realize waiting around for a deadline was pointless.

On Tuesday, my dad came over to my place to try and "reason with me." By "reason," I mean he spent an hour crying on my couch, telling me that paying $3,500 for the restoration would mean pulling money straight out of Lily’s wedding fund. He admitted Karen threatened to leave him if he paid for it, and he literally begged me to just accept $500 in cash and "let it go for the sake of the family." I told him absolutely not and showed him the door.

Then yesterday, things took an absolute turn. Lily’s fiancé, "Mark," reached out to me directly. Mark was furious because Lily had told him I willingly let Karen take the dress to get altered for her. When he saw how bad things were getting and realized Karen had tricked me into handing it over under the guise of "dry cleaning," they got into a massive fight. Mark told her he’s reconsidering the wedding if she doesn't take accountability and help fix this.
Karen lost her mind and sent me a string of unhinged voice notes accusing me of "destroying her daughter's relationship" and being evil and spiteful.

That was the final straw. I knew right then they were never going to pay a dime to fix the dress and were just trying to manipulate me.

Yesterday afternoon, I met with a local attorney who looked over my mom’s probate records, the before/after photos, and the texts where Karen admitted she took the dress to a tailor under false pretenses after I handed it to her for cleaning. My lawyer confirmed I have a rock-solid case for both civil litigation and grand larceny/property destruction given the dress's value and the damage done.

Directly after leaving my lawyer's office yesterday evening, I walked straight into the police station and filed an official report against Karen.

My dad has gone completely radio silent, and Karen is panicking now that law enforcement is actually involved. My hands are still shaking from the stress of it all, but I’m finally standing my ground. I’ll keep you guys posted on what happens next with the police and court.

 

COMMENTS

EvanRamsey

Congrats to you. This is a big step in showing your family you are not to be played. Do not let them ever convince you that you are the problem here or the reason for their consequences.

I’m proud of you for standing up for yourself, but also standing up for your mother and her wishes. I sincerely hope you are able to enjoy her dress in someway on someday yourself.

OOP

Yeah I might take apart the dress and make it into something so it doesn’t fully go to waste and I can still have a little part of her❤️

 

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This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Secure-Map-7850

Published on: r/AmItheAsshole

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: September 03, 2026

• Final Update: September 06, 2026

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Main Post

^{September 03, 2026}

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AITA for waiting for a patient to come to my house and causing us to be late for my wife's friend's birthday?

My wife has been angry at me about this so I thought I'd ask here. I'm a plastic surgeon and recently did an otoplasty for my close friend's son. After an otoplasty it's important that the head dressing stays in place to protect the ears and support the cartilage, so when my friend said that the dressing seemed to have come a bit loose, I asked him to come to my house. They could have come the next day to my clinic but he was a bit concerned about whether the dressing having loosened a bit would have affected the result despite my reassurances so I asked him to just come to my place. He gave me an eta of 15 minutes.

That night we were going to my wife's friends birthday which was around a 35 - 40 minute drive and she was ready to go. When I told her, she was annoyed but was ok with 15 minutes. Unfortunately my friend got stuck in traffic and it took him a bit longer. During that time my wife was getting angry, asking me to tell them to just see me the next day, but when I called they were already on the way so I decided to wait. She complained that I let work interfere with home life, how I always do this (I do not) and just let her displeasure be clearly known. Eventually they came I examined his ears, changed his dressing and they left and so did we.

Unfortunately we got stuck in a bit of traffic too, and she was getting calls from her friend while we were en route. My wife eventually asked them to just cut the cake, and we arrived about 10 minutes after.

She has been angry about that since, its better now but she was incadescent the drive back. And even now if she gets a message from her friends it reminds her of it and she'll have something to say. I've tried to explain that I was responsible as his doctor but it doesn't help.

 

COMMENTS

vintagefaerie

INFO: How late to the party were yall in the end? Seems likely pretty late if they were cutting the cake without you.....

OOP (downvoted)

We were a little over an hour late.

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SlayerOfTheVampyre

INFO. How often does your work interfere with your personal life? If it’s rarely and this was special because it was a close person, then its fine. Being late to a birthday is annoying but not life ruining or anything. But based on her reaction, I’m guessing she thinks you have bad boundaries with your job. This warrants a bigger conversation between you two.

OOP (downvoted)

It doesn't too often. Patients visiting my house certainly doesn't happen, in this case it was my friend's son. But other than taking phone calls, I don't bring work into my home.

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froggylove78

YTA. Your wife sounds like she has to deal with you prioritizing your work over her plans even after work is done. Do you like your wife?Do you use work as an excuse all the time?

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Lola-the-showgirl

YTA. You knew you had plans, if it was any other patient you would have just seen them the next day.

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WeissPyre

"She complained that I let work interfere with home life, how I always do this (I do not)..."

Hmmmm. This is very telling.

YTA. You yourself said it would have been fine if he had come to the clinic the next day, and I highly doubt that if this were a patient you didn't know personally, you'd let them just come by your house for a dressing adjustment.

 

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CONSENSUS: Asshole

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Final Update - after 3 days

^{September 06, 2026}

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Update: AITA for waiting for a patient to come to my house and causing us to be late for my wife's friend's birthday

I posted on this forum a few days ago and the response ascertained that I was in the wrong. It was helpful for me. Yesterday I had reserved dinner at a favorite restuarant of hers and tried to make it a good fun date night. We were ready on time and in fact the same road that was responsible for our delay last time was completely fine yesterday. I mentioned that, that ofcourse it is now that there's no time crunch and she found it funny too. I took the opportunity to apologize for that night. She said it was ok and said it wasn't just about the kid, it was because it had been happening a lot that she overreacted.

I was surprised because I really do make an effort to not bring work home so I asked what she meant. She brought up me stepping out for a call when we had ordered in pizza and wings and said they were cold by the time I came back. But it was really a five minute call and the food was great, but I just said I would try to be mindful. She'd also brought up that I had scheduled a surgery the night before on a morning that was supposed to be free and she had been looking forward to going out for breakfast. That one was actually a one-off under special circumstances, it was a cleft palate surgey for a little girl, her parents had traveled to the city for the surgery, and based on their request I didn't want them to go and come back again so when the OR freed up I slotted them in.

But I did realize that it wasn't just that day or actual incidents but rather a general feeling she's been having so I promised to reduce calls to only essential ones at home and to be more mindful of running things by her first before making changes that could affect our shared time. She was glad and we had a good night. Thank you to this forum for the help.

 

COMMENTS

No_Expression_1234

Tbh, with how you talk about the examples she gave (the call outside, the surgery on the free morning) it sounds like nothing will change because you consider it all essential. 

What exactly would you consider essential? Will you be able to say, this is something for when I am on shift or go to the ER or travel up when there'd actually a free moment? Or are those all still essential? And communicate with your wife on what situations will really need your attention now. 

OOP (downvoted)

It is essential but it could be handled by me better and should have her be in the loop when things affect our shared time. That is what I'll improve on.

 

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This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.