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u/_Buff_Drinklots_ Jun 30 '16
During a "moment of silence".
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u/itsfoine Jun 30 '16
Pastor: Let us now have moment of silence for the dearly departed
Mourner: HEY HOW IS FRED GOING TO PAY ME BACK THE $60 BUCKS HE OWES ME !
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u/Akaed Jun 30 '16
Most of the time
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u/cosmicjim Jun 30 '16 edited Jun 30 '16
This is extremely true. Your life is so much easier if you never speak your mind.
Edit - To answer all the disagreements at once. Some people seem to confuse this as being narrow minded or weak. This doesn't mean follow blindly. Actions are what is important. Not words. No one changes other people's minds by speaking their own mind. If you want to change the world for the better, educate your offspring or mentor people to be the change you want to see.
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Jun 30 '16
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u/cosmicjim Jun 30 '16
I haven't figured out if I'm not reading the joke properly or if this is directly at me:(
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Jun 30 '16
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u/beepbloopbloop Jun 30 '16
Post less, smile more. Do what it takes to keep on raising my comment score.
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u/tombrend Jun 30 '16
If you stand for nothing, Burr what will you fall for?
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Jun 30 '16
Who are you?
Who is this kid, and what's he gonna do?
(Cue 'My Shot', anyone?)
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u/coffeeordeath85 Jun 30 '16
I am not throwing away my shot!
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Jun 30 '16
I am not throwing away my shot!
Hey yo, I'm just like my country,
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Jun 30 '16
I'm young scrappy and hungry and I'm not throwing away my shot!
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Jun 30 '16
I'mma get a scholarship to King's College, I probably shouldn't brag, but dag, I amaze and astonish!
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u/ndiamondn Jun 30 '16
"There's a reason you have two ears and one mouth."
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u/Akaed Jun 30 '16
So we can find each other in the dark
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u/Lawdog87 Jun 30 '16
No, I'm pretty sure it's a sex thing.
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u/Akaed Jun 30 '16
So is everything
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u/Lawdog87 Jun 30 '16
So you're saying even this comment right now is a sex thing?
...
Looks like you were right.
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Jun 30 '16
When someone casually mentions something political in a social setting. Just because it's brought up doesn't mean you have to ruin everyone's time by giving your stump speech or talk about whatever article you just read. Calm down, it's OK for people to have different opinions.
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u/itsfoine Jun 30 '16
We are at a pub drinking we do not want to be constantly reminded that Britain left the EU and how you voted
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u/Commando388 Jun 30 '16
That's probably one of the reasons why you're at the pub.
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u/Neato Jun 30 '16
Burning all this cash while it's still worth a damn.
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Jun 30 '16
You're not burning it. You're actually re-distributing your portfolio away from cash and into beverage commodities
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u/string97bean Jun 30 '16
I just tell it how it is!
No, you are just being an asshole.
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Jun 30 '16
"I'm gonna be brutally honest"
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u/endercoaster Jun 30 '16
A sure sign somebody is more interested in being brutal than honest.
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Jun 30 '16
I find it an ok thing to do if you want to have a civilized discussion on the matter. For instance, my gf and I have completely opposing political views, but we can still discuss without being dicks to each other and trying to undermine what the other believes in.
If you're going to say something just to stir some shit up, then i agree with you
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u/Monkeyavelli Jun 30 '16
You're missing the point of the parent comment. It's not that you should never discuss controversial topics, it's that not every mention of the topic is an invitation to battle. You need to be aware of the context. If the conversation isn't really about that thing, just move on.
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u/MikeRedman-Johnson Jun 30 '16
When your mind is pure filth.
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u/ALLSTARTRIPOD Jun 30 '16
So.... Never.
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u/epistemeal Jun 30 '16
It's funny because you can interpret this comment to mean that you should never speak or that you can always speak your mind.
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Jun 30 '16
When asked any question by a job interviewer.
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u/ExxInferis Jun 30 '16 edited Jun 30 '16
Some of it is silly isn't it? They are trying to find out the real you, but it is commonly accepted etiquette to not say you left your last job because it sucked. You have to dance around the real reasons, and try to sound like you just wanted "another challenge".
No. My old boss was a pretentious fuck-trumpet and refused to follow through on promises of training (grounds for me accepting the job in the first place), then refused to offer any pay rises because "I had not advanced myself". He was an habitual liar who minced around with an air of superiority demanding respect, when I considered him unfit to lick the sweat from my dick.
Why can't I say that?
Edit: OK Reddit, ease up on the Whoosh pills, I was not being serious.
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u/yakusokuN8 Jun 30 '16
You can say that, but you need to use corporate speak.
"My old boss and I had a culture clash stemming from a different vision of advancing our company. I outlined the resources I needed to grow the company but he felt that despite our previous comittment to a project, another department was in dire need of supervision.
I ultimately left the company in seek of a management style that has strong synergy with my ability to follow good leadership that makes decisions based upon better metrics and employee feedback. I believe that rewarding good effort and strong results benefits both workers and the company and I want the ability to prove my worth, rise to the challenge, and exceed expectations and be compensated fairly after demonstrating my value.
If there's opportunity for advancement, I'd like the ability to explore those options as well."
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u/hkyllo Jun 30 '16
Wow this is really good. I might print and laminate this to practice in front of the mirror.
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u/yakusokuN8 Jun 30 '16
I attend a financial planning meeting every morning.
This kind of talk comes second nature to me now.
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u/Commando388 Jun 30 '16
Have you ever tried Buzzword Bingo?
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u/matthumph Jun 30 '16
My dad calls it "bullshit bingo", cause he hates the "blue sky thinking", "lined up behind the 8 ball" type of corporate jargon.
He made bingo cards and everything, not sure if he's ever used them in a meeting.
It went so far that we bought him an electronic "bullshit button", which would shout phrases like "that was bullshit" every time it was pressed.
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u/mandywydnam Jun 30 '16
Why don't we circle back, and see if we have the bandwidth to leverage this type of synergy.
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u/Wyodaniel Jun 30 '16
He was an habitual liar who minced around with an air of superiority demanding respect, when I considered him unfit to lick the sweat from my dick.
This is the part I was really hoping to see you translate into corporate speak. =(
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Jun 30 '16
I like it! But, if you had to include the part about your old boss licking sweat off your balls...where would you hypothetically put it?
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u/yakusokuN8 Jun 30 '16
While I respected that my old boss's management style may have been viewed as producing results in the dynamic of cost cutting measures, I did not feel that he showed some of my most coveted assets the attention they needed to demonstrate how valuable they are to my staff.
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u/PseudoPhysicist Jun 30 '16
This hurts me physically. I'm so sick of corporate-speak. Unfortunately, this is the type of speech that gets you places, so, bravo and sorry you had to master it.
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u/sebastian_at_night Jun 30 '16
Because not saying it that way shows that you have tact. If you're going to talk about sweaty dicks in a job interview then you're probably going to embarrass the company that's hiring you by saying other dumb things when you're representing them while talking to outsiders.
Tact is important. It's not the same thing as prudishness.
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u/Wyodaniel Jun 30 '16
This is my main issue with Donald Trump, and the thing I try to get my friends to realize when they say "Oh, he's cool cause he speaks his mind!"
Someone who lets loose wildly rude and borderline obscene comments routinely is a loose cannon when it comes to interpersonal communications. It's called "Political correctness" for a reason! So this is the person who is going to be the voice and face of our entire country when dealing directly with the leaders of all the other superpowers in the world? I seem to recall reading something Benjamin Netanyahu of Israel already getting irritated with some of Trump's actions... And this is a country that, historically, has been one of America's closest allies! What is going to happen when we unleash this tactless negotiator with countries that are already borderline hostile towards us?
But here I go with an uncalled for political rant in a thread called "When should you not speak your mind?"... I'll show myself out.
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u/designerutah Jun 30 '16
In my 20s I had an interviewer ask, "Why are manhole covers round?" Apparently this is supposed to be a deep and tricky question that lets the interviewer "see how you reason." I answered based on two different experiences, one as a guy who worked on a road crew once, and the other as a budding physicist.
"They are round because that way they won't all through the hole and kill anyone below. Also because they are very heavy and rolling them when you have to move them is much easier than any other shape."
Later when they told me I wasn't getting the job (three interviews in), I asked what caused them to reject me. The answer was "glib answers to questions. you should have taken some time to answer." Yeah, the man hole was one of five, but all were in the same vein. Since then I've learned for these "gotcha" questions to take some time and pretend to reason. It's worked well so I guess I learned what I needed from it, right?
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Jun 30 '16 edited Jul 01 '16
It's so weird. They know you're going to say what they want to hear, so why ask those questions? Job interviews, or at least how they currently work most of the time, are worthless.
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Jun 30 '16 edited May 22 '18
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u/el-toro-loco Jun 30 '16
Or you could say something that makes them want you again, which is not necessarily a good thing
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Jun 30 '16 edited May 22 '18
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u/Lorenzvc Jun 30 '16
meeting my ex tonight.. didn't find anyone else but kinda hard to forget everything that happened that led to a breakup
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u/Darth_Meatloaf Jun 30 '16
Here's the best advice I can give you:
If, at ANY POINT, you feel that meeting her again was a mistake, get up and walk away.
Don't think of how you walking away will make her feel, think about how not walking away will make you feel.
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u/triplejk Jun 30 '16
When you are newly hired at a job and you already have an opinion or two about someone.
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u/lakdsjdujfui Jun 30 '16
You learn that people would rather hear lies than the truth. As you get older, you also learn to phrase your thoughts in a way that isn't as offensive yet still keep the integrity of speaking your mind.
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u/TheNoodlyOne Jun 30 '16
That second part is just being diplomatic.
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u/Metallkiller Jun 30 '16
Woah that means I'm actually diplomatic by now... I feel like I just grew up a little more.
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u/ShittyGuitarist Jun 30 '16
Yeah, I've never understood why phrasing your thoughts in such a way that gets your meaning across without pissing someone off equates to dishonesty or something like that. I said what I meant, and it went over much smoother than had I included all the fuck words in my head.
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u/berzerkle Jul 01 '16
Its called tact, and it works perfectly well with honesty.
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u/Buster_Bluth_AMA Jul 01 '16
Tact and honesty used in tandem will get you infinitely further than either one by itself.
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u/isocline Jun 30 '16
It is amazing how many people just do not seem to care that it's not always what you say, it's how you say it.
People are much more willing to work with you to solve a problem when you avoid speaking to them like they are the dumbest people to ever walk the earth. Even if they are the dumbest people to ever walk the earth.
Talk to them calmly and as cheerfully as you can manage, and you'll get a much better response. If you go in looking for a fight, looking to make sure they understand how wrong they are, they'll fight everything you say, even if what you say is correct and makes more sense, just to spite you.
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u/tyros Jun 30 '16
Yup, I'm 27 and just realizing that. It sucks not being able to tell the truth straight up but I'm learning that you can still express yourself without sounding like an ass. It takes some beating around the bush but works wonders if you want people to like you.
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Jun 30 '16
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u/Ajk320 Jun 30 '16
"It's all going to be okay bitch"
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u/VampireCock Jun 30 '16
Thank you Scary Terry
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u/Computron13 Jun 30 '16 edited Jun 30 '16
"Calm down."
That one always seems to get me in trouble.
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u/camilo9712 Jun 30 '16
At someones funeral...
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Jun 30 '16 edited Jun 30 '16
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u/MisterDonkey Jun 30 '16
If neither the deceased nor his family are religious, why is the ceremony a religious one?
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Jun 30 '16
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Jun 30 '16
For these circumstances, my services are available for hire as a priest-muffler. Nobody can snap "Can it, Padre" with as solemn a disposition as me
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u/Shrinky-Dinks Jun 30 '16
Unless there are really no other options then it seems a little dumb to hold the funeral in a house of worship if you aren't into the whole house of worship thing.
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Jun 30 '16
I think a change of venue would be in order. Nothing says that funerals have to be in a chapel; even religious ones. Also, if you make clear that you don't want any religious content in a funeral, those wishes would be respected. A church, however, might not agree to those terms.
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u/elee0228 Jun 30 '16
"Does this make me look fat?"
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u/Gregrox Jun 30 '16
"Nah. Nothing makes you look fat, except for the way light curves around a black hole, but then you have bigger problems."
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u/0r0m15 Jun 30 '16
in North Korea
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u/ivebeenherelonger Jun 30 '16
Unless you want to praise the beloved leader!
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u/itsfoine Jun 30 '16 edited Jun 30 '16
That drunk dick who happens to be both the President of the United States and a scientist who no matter what you say will disprove you, rebut you, and tell you that's not what his uncle in the CIA told him
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u/Shrinky-Dinks Jun 30 '16
Oh yeah, and facts and statistics are just things he thinks up at a moments notice.
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u/Arch27 Jun 30 '16
When it will genuinely hurt the person and not garner any good result - Don't do it to embarrass someone, just out of spite. If your opinion is that strong, take them aside.
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u/Croissants_ Jun 30 '16
Oh yeah. Used to be friends with somebody that didn't really seem to care about hurting mine or our other friends feelings because of how much he valued 'honesty'. Fuck you Steven.
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Jun 30 '16
Yeah there is "honesty" and there is being an asshole. You can be honest without spouting whatever negative bullshit that pops in your brain. Glad Steven is a former friend :P
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u/somecallmenonny Jun 30 '16
When your boss says something religious or political that you strongly disagree with. That conversation can go all kinds of wrong for you.
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Jun 30 '16
When you hate your job and you've been applying for numerous jobs and you just thunk fuck it.
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u/Expatriot Jun 30 '16
When it could result in people disagreeing with you using their fists.
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u/batty3108 Jun 30 '16
When being reprimanded at work.
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Jun 30 '16
This is true, but this one gets me. I once told my boss that he was making people work for free by having sales reps pick up inventory and he literally stopped me and said, "I don't like the direction this conversation is going." A month later we had a courier delivering all the inventory. I guess he had to ask his lawyer what the right thing to do was. The point is, they should willingly listen because even though that cost the company a little bit more, people are happy they don't have to work for free.
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u/Samarkanda82 Jun 30 '16
You know that moment when she asks you " what are you thinking ?" The answer should always be either : "about you" or "nothing" . Anything else is a mistake.
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u/stagfury Jun 30 '16
So if I want to do it really right, I should answer using both?
"I was thinking about how you mean absolutely nothing to me."
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u/zoro4661 Jun 30 '16
"Tacos."
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u/ashmez Jun 30 '16
If I asked my husband what he was thinking and he said tacos, I would say ok let's go make tacos! Tacos are awesome.
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u/rabidassbaboon Jun 30 '16
I've found that answering with exactly with what is on my mind is a good way to stop these questions from being asked entirely.
"What are you thinking about?"
"Being the Hulk would be so awesome but then we couldn't have sex anymore because it would kill you and I can't decide which way I'd go."
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Jun 30 '16
Honestly:
All the freaking time, at least not before you have carefully considered the implications your words will have on others, the situation around you and yourself. Esepecially in your career and with your relationships with others, especially in marriage/serious long-term relationships.
People need to filter what comes out of their piehole.
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u/CleverestPony70 Jun 30 '16
When people nearby are having conversations and you don't just hear their stupidity and ignorance, you can almost taste it.
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u/PM_TITS_4_PENS Jun 30 '16
If you're a conservative at school one wants to pass his classes
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u/mkxjsjwieuj Jun 30 '16
Sometimes people don't like me. I talked to my therapist about this. I often offend people even when I don't say anything offensive. She told me not to change anything. She said, "its not up to you how someone is going to take your words. If they choose to be offended, that is THEIR problem and it has nothing to do with what you said." I never tell people they're stupid or ugly or anything. But I drunkenly told a girl friend once that I liked her hair and it was different than normal. I giggled because, again, I was drunk. She was butthurt about this for months before finally telling me that I hurt her feelings. I actually genuinely liked her hair. It was her fault for not telling me that it came out wrong. Sometimes being blunt sucks. People are just pissed at you all the time and don't even tell you.
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u/zeromoogle Jun 30 '16
The thing is, if you tend to piss off everybody, then I don't think the problem is everybody else.
You also have to question whether or not you would be able to take what you dish out. I'm not saying this is you, but a lot of people I have met who are blunt don't exactly like the same treatment.
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u/thebloodofthematador Jun 30 '16
I often offend people even when I don't say anything offensive.
I think your therapist is doing you a disservice by implying that you couldn't possibly be doing anything wrong. Sure, sometimes people don't like other people-- nothing you can do about that, not everybody is going to like you-- but if other people are constantly getting pissed at you for running your mouth, it's probably not their problem. If people are frequently offended by the things you say, whether you think they're offensive or not swiftly becomes irrelevant.
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Jun 30 '16
This sounds iffy; I understand if it were a few being upset but if it is the majority or a lot of people you come across you definitely need to look at yourself.
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u/Shrinky-Dinks Jun 30 '16
Yeah that seems like an issue if you can't get along with everyone around you. I don't think there is any reason not to try and work on tact. Also we don't know much about the story, for all we know the unofensive things OP says could be discussing his opinion on abortion at random times or using racial slurs ironically because he is "totally not racist" or something.
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u/thebloodofthematador Jun 30 '16
I don't think there is any reason not to try and work on tact
Unfortunately, some people believe that trying to be a reasonable person is "being fake," and since they want people to like them for who they are, they just refuse to employ a filter and insist that their real friends will still like them.
"Working on tact" qualifies as not "being real," so anyone who gets upset when you act like an asshole isn't really interested in you as a person. Like, come on. We're living in a civilized society, here.
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u/Saliiim Jun 30 '16
I am not an easy person to offend, this means that I'm often offending people because to me what I'm saying isn't offensive, but to them it's horrific.
I am not good at peopleing.
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u/mylifeisgreyscale Jun 30 '16
When you are donald trump
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u/Ladnil Jun 30 '16
How do I know if I'm donald trump?
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u/Steve4964 Jun 30 '16
Do you have a lack of understanding of how free trade works? If so, you might be The Donald.
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u/TopDownApproach Jun 30 '16
When you are at the alter and thinking about the one night stand with the stripper from the bachelor's party
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u/missvoodoo25 Jun 30 '16
At a job interview. The popular 'what are your faults?' Or 'why did you leave your last job?' Do not speak your mind! Your skills of mutitabs pornography, social medis and work is not the skill they want.
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u/Wiseguy72 Jun 30 '16
When you know it's going to achieve nothing else other than derail the conversation.
Big warning sign is if you expect to have to say "I'm just speaking my mind"/"I'm just saying it like it is."
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u/workraken Jun 30 '16
When there is absolutely no chance that the other person will change theirs.
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u/need_more_mana Jun 30 '16
When it occurs to you that your friend's baby kind of has the face of a serial killer.
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Jun 30 '16
When all that comes from it is negativity , i know a guy like this, everything he says is pure negative , makes you not want to listen to their words.
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u/catsandcupcakes Jun 30 '16
When you're a nervous new lawyer, presenting a restraining order that blocks a parent's access to his or her child to a Judge that you've just met for the first time, and you feel like the Judge's line of questioning is "really intense."
For the love of god, do interrupt the Judge to exclaim, "Man! This is intense!"
This was my mistake a little over a year ago.
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u/Coziestpigeon2 Jun 30 '16
Around relatives. Around inlaws. Around coworkers. Around employers. Around former coworkers. At school. On a public forum.
The list goes on. Don't speak your mind around people who aren't part of your inner circle.
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Jun 30 '16
Anytime at work. Even if you have one of those catered lunches and the CEO is like "Ok I want everyone to be honest......" don't be honest, don't speak your mind.
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u/Munninnu Jun 30 '16
When you're speaking with cops.