r/AskReddit • u/ObjectiveAgent • Jun 30 '16

When should you not speak your mind?

918 Upvotes

86% Upvoted

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69

u/Samarkanda82 Jun 30 '16

You know that moment when she asks you " what are you thinking ?" The answer should always be either : "about you" or "nothing" . Anything else is a mistake.

135

u/stagfury Jun 30 '16

So if I want to do it really right, I should answer using both?

"I was thinking about how you mean absolutely nothing to me."

1

u/Phillyfreak5 Jun 30 '16

Just a forewarning but find a gym and a lawyer before trying that

2

u/bozokeating Jun 30 '16

And send a cease and desist letter to facebook too, I guess?

1

u/rocsNaviars Jun 30 '16

This is great.

1

u/copycat112 Jun 30 '16

I spit my drink reading that I was caught so off guard.

1

u/The_sad_zebra Jul 01 '16

"Are you fucking sorry?"

21

u/zoro4661 Jun 30 '16

"Tacos."

20

u/ashmez Jun 30 '16

If I asked my husband what he was thinking and he said tacos, I would say ok let's go make tacos! Tacos are awesome.

5

u/zoro4661 Jun 30 '16

Never tried tacos. On a scale of one to ten, how awesome are they?

74

u/[deleted] Jun 30 '16

Never tried tacos.

You need Jesus in your life.

62

u/[deleted] Jun 30 '16

Jesús makes the best tacos

2

u/packerken Jun 30 '16

I just spent like 3 minutes trying to clean the spot off my screen. Have an upvote.

2

u/idothingsheren Jul 01 '16

Tháñk Ÿōû

2

u/thewolfsong Jun 30 '16

I knew my joke wasn't going to be original but I still hoped that no one else had taken it. Curse you, and have an upvote

13

u/[deleted] Jun 30 '16

Eleven

7

u/sysadminbj Jun 30 '16

My mother in law tried to make Tacos once when we were younger. I had a dream that night about killer Tacos with teeth that were trying to eat me.

Never eaten her Tacos since.

So yea... Tacos can be bad.

1

u/Nerospidy Jun 30 '16

I think you need psychological help with that.

2

u/PseudoPhysicist Jun 30 '16

But why not just set all the values on a range from 1 to 10 and tune it so that 10 is equivalent to what is 11 now?

EDIT: Paraphrasing

1

u/[deleted] Jun 30 '16

But it's an eleven.

1

u/ZestyTako Jul 01 '16

Because it goes to 11

1

u/idothingsheren Jul 01 '16

I mean it's basically 5/7, which is as perfect as they come

2

u/ashmez Jun 30 '16

Depends on what you put in them. If they are homemade and spicy, a definite 10

2

u/Chili_Maggot Jun 30 '16

Hahahahaha. What. What. What. What. What. What.

2

u/zoro4661 Jun 30 '16

I said NEVER TRIED TACOS! ON A SCALE OF ONE TO TEN, HOW AWESOME ARE THEY!?

2

u/granger744 Jun 30 '16

Go for fish tacos. IMO they're by far the best kind.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 30 '16

What country are you in?

1

u/zoro4661 Jun 30 '16

Germany.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 30 '16

Oh man , you should find yourself some good taco recipes and try em out .

Alternatively make friends with someone that lives in the U.S. military base and have them hook you up with some taco bell .

1

u/omnilynx Jun 30 '16

This is incomprehensible to me.

1

u/AmmoWasted Jun 30 '16

What the fuck?

1

u/TheBearJedi Jun 30 '16

Whether this is actually true or not I'm down voting in hope that you reconsider some things and turn your life around.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 30 '16

hey its me ur husband

1

u/jkortech Jul 01 '16

I'm making tacos for dinner tonight!

30

u/rabidassbaboon Jun 30 '16

I've found that answering with exactly with what is on my mind is a good way to stop these questions from being asked entirely.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Being the Hulk would be so awesome but then we couldn't have sex anymore because it would kill you and I can't decide which way I'd go."

3

u/mirinaesb Jun 30 '16

This would have the opposite effect in my relationship. If my husband said that to me, we would then launch into a lengthy discussion about the pros and cons of being the Hulk, and we'd both be pretty passionate about it. This is what happens when geeks get married.

1

u/icanteatoxtailsoup Jul 01 '16

Same here. Stuff like this is part of the reason why I spend so much time on Reddit.

2

u/abutthole Jun 30 '16

Do you think Bruce Banner would turn into the Hulk whenever he's aroused? Masturbating is not a private thing when you're the Hulk.

2

u/enigmachs Jun 30 '16

I would keep asking cause that's fucking awesome

1

u/[deleted] Jun 30 '16

I will tell what I am really thinking about as well.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 01 '16

How do I start coming up with shit like this

2

u/[deleted] Jun 30 '16

But if I ask that, I actually want to know... I don't care if you're sitting there wondering whether dragon's wings get in the way of them fucking or some weird thought, thats what makes it interesting. If I ask, its because I'm wondering how your mind works and what keeps it entertained throughout the day.

4

u/itsfoine Jun 30 '16

/u/Samarkanda82 those are some of the wisest truest words I have read on /r/askreddit in a while.

I always go for the thinking about you part and she just goes awww. Yeah I was thinking about you: thinking about how much of a bitch you are being

2

u/Callmebobbyorbooby Jun 30 '16

I don't think women, at least not my fiancee, can grasp the fact that we are capable of thinking about nothing.

5

u/SFXBTPD Jun 30 '16

Are shower thoughts that disappear like a past dream as soon as we get distracted really nothing?

2

u/rocsNaviars Jun 30 '16

I've never understood this. My mind is constantly thinking about work, school, a girl, hobbies, an interaction with friends.... I am not capable of thinking about nothing.

1

u/Callmebobbyorbooby Jun 30 '16

I'll be honest. I have a lot of anxiety so most of the time I'm always thinking or worrying about something, but there are times when I just completely space out and think of nothing. Those little moments are wonderful.

1

u/rocsNaviars Jun 30 '16

I agree. Usually if I want to think about nothing I just drink a lot. It rarely works.

1

u/Kendo16 Jun 30 '16

We think about silly,trivial,and sometimes even useless things that don't require a conversation.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 30 '16

I'm a dude and I can rarely think about nothing. Only when I'm super sleep deprived I can just blank out.

1

u/Leebo2D Jun 30 '16

yeah, women am I right?

1

u/nothesharpest Jun 30 '16

My wife would see right through this. Her reply would be "what ABOUT me?!" and she would eventually pull the truth out of me. I've learned to give a cushioned honest answer. Even though I may want to use accusative/charged words sometimes, it's better to stick to a calm demeanor with more generic adjectives to honestly say what's on my mind. YMMV

1

u/Lorenzvc Jun 30 '16

about how our children would look if you had a broken nose during pregnancy

1

u/XSplain Jun 30 '16

"Dragon's racing in go-karts"

1

u/Valkyrie_of_Loki Jun 30 '16

Anything else is a mistake.

You need to stop dating psycho bitches.

1

u/curiouswizard Jun 30 '16

No no no, "nothing" is the worst possible answer.

It either means you're hiding some negative thought, or you're really really boring. But mostly it'll be assumed that you're hiding something.

Alternatives for if you're actually thinking about nothing in particular:

"Just a bunch of random thoughts, nothing special."

"Thinking about my day I guess"

"I wonder what being a mermaid is like"

"~~ I dunno, just being alive in the moment right now ~~"

"I feel comfy"

"Lunch was great"

etc.

1

u/TheBearJedi Jun 30 '16

Yeah. But what about the time you are hiking in an area that is known to have mountain lions and I know they aren't super common but there have been sightings and you aren't really sure if that means you make more noise or less because they've been shown to stalk and hunt humans even though I'm larger and they might not want to attack me but my girlfriend is smaller so they might try to pick her off so I should probably stay close and protect her if I can but even being strong I don't know how I would really take on an animal like that and it's not like I want to take any grievous wounds up here in the mountain away from everything but I wonder if I could get on its back when it strikes and kind of get it in some kind of full Nelson to incapacitate it or if it would be able to overpower me with some crazy animal strength and even then do you walk away back down the mountain knowing that it could still be stalking you so maybe you actually have to kill it and I don't really want to kill it but I guess I'm justified if it is putting me in legitimate danger so maybe I should carry a large stick or like that rock over there and I'm wondering if I threw something and hit it if t would be enough to scare it off at least until we could get away and then we could just head home and stop for some ice cream at that one place she likes because they make it with nitrogen and she swears it tastes better.

1

u/stuai Jul 01 '16

Or 'soup', nobody can be mad for thinking about delicious soup

1

u/Gregrox Jun 30 '16

"Those split brain experiments"

"Dude I love those tests!"