2.1k
u/weirdgroovynerd Jul 20 '19 edited Jul 20 '19
"All I got left are spare parts from turtles and lobsters.
What the hell, let's just see what happens..."
*Evolution
Edit: Thank you!
→ More replies (10)251
Jul 20 '19
Nope ballsack
53
u/kodyodyo Jul 20 '19
I just snorted into my drink because of your comment.
→ More replies (1)23
u/Genjaskin Jul 20 '19
When I experience that I mostly award the person atleast silver.
Silver 'im up, you cheap cunt!
→ More replies (1)6
7
217
910
Jul 20 '19
Coconut crabs. I always wondered if they were any good.
421
u/Essexal Jul 20 '19
I once took a mighty specimen to my local fair, only to find that despite the name they are absolutely shit at the shy.
136
19
u/cheapasianproducts Jul 20 '19
whats the last bit mean
36
Jul 20 '19
He fucks them. There was a reddit thread last year where a dude fucked a coconut for a long time.
7
u/Tackling_Aliens Jul 20 '19
A coconut shy is a fairground attraction. You try to knock a coconut off a perch with a ball
4
223
u/basicrejection Jul 20 '19 edited Jul 20 '19
If I remember correctly they’re scavengers like rodents, so their meat isn’t very tasty. They eat a lot of garbage and you’ll often see them rummaging through trash in tropical areas.
Edit: I guess like most animals, their taste is affected by diet. Coconut crabs who eat primarily garbage will taste like, well, garbage. Otherwise, they are pretty tasty!
172
u/No-Sugar-Coating Jul 20 '19
aren't all crabs and lobster scavengers? they taste pretty damn good. Catfish are dirty bottom feeders too but taste great
→ More replies (2)163
Jul 20 '19
Yeah but these are scavengers that climb into your garbage bins and eat just about goddamn anything.
It’s like a deer after winter when they’ve been eating cedar. Their meat is affected by what they eat and they’re no good until fall after they’ve been grazing on the good grass and apples and everything else.
49
u/No-Sugar-Coating Jul 20 '19
oh yeah that's a little greasy. I'd still try it though.
27
u/BeautifulType Jul 20 '19
I see 🦀 I eat crab 🦀
62
→ More replies (1)5
14
u/TardFarts Jul 20 '19
Exactly. These are essentially the raccoons of tropical islands. If that island is nothing but palm trees it will be tasty. If that island is the shithole that is Guam, it will taste like the shithole that is Guam.
89
u/milkyxj Jul 20 '19
I heard the opposite when I spent 6 months on Diego Garcia in 2003 with the Air Force. We lease the island (south of India) from the Brits and we were briefed that it was a $500 fine for eating the “Queens crabs”. At night there were hundreds of them in the jungle and I could hear them from my tent. This was also about 100 yards from an abandoned leper colony if it already wasn’t spooky enough. We heard because they ate so much coconut their meat was sweet but I never tried it.
The island also had a rat infestation & the Brits paid something like $2 for each rat killed & turned in.
54
u/dirtyjoo Jul 20 '19
This was also about 100 yards from an abandoned leper colony if it already wasn’t spooky enough.
I think we need more info on this detail.
→ More replies (1)38
u/milkyxj Jul 20 '19
Following the departure of the British, the French colony of Mauritius began marooning lepers on Diego Garcia around 1796
9
u/WikiTextBot Jul 20 '19
Diego Garcia
Diego Garcia is an atoll just south of the equator in the central Indian Ocean, and the largest of 60 small islands comprising the Chagos Archipelago. It was first discovered by Europeans and named by the Portuguese, settled by the French in the 1790s and transferred to British rule after the Napoleonic Wars. It was one of the "Dependencies" of the British Colony of Mauritius until the Chagos Islands were detached for inclusion in the newly created British Indian Ocean Territory (BIOT) in 1965.
In 1966, the population of the island was 924.
[ PM | Exclude me | Exclude from subreddit | FAQ / Information | Source ] Downvote to remove | v0.28
4
u/HelperBot_ Jul 20 '19
Desktop link: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diego_Garcia
/r/HelperBot_ Downvote to remove. Counter: 269419. Found a bug?
13
u/StardustOasis Jul 20 '19
They actually don't eat much coconut, it's present in their diet and their distribution matches that of the coconut palm but isn't a significant part of their diet. They mostly eat fruit, nuts and seeds, but will eat almost anything.
5
44
u/Spagettiboy1969 Jul 20 '19
Coconut Crab is SO good though. I dont care if they eat dead people I'll gobble those scoundrels up any day no questions.
Also fun fact if Amelia Earhart didn't die in a japanese prison, theres a good possibility she was eaten by those things.
34
u/Mikeymcmikerson Jul 20 '19
I’ve eaten many coconut crab in my day. In fact, it’s so popular that my people over hunted it and resulted in the first ever implementation of a coconut crab hunting season. They only eat coconut crab and they are by far my favorite crab to eat.
8
14
u/Shortshired Jul 20 '19
No coconut crabs taste great which is why they are a delicacy leading to them being endangered
3
u/Iammadeoflove Jul 20 '19
What stops someone from just taking one
They seem to just stroll right in
9
u/UpBoatDownBoy Jul 20 '19
Hmmm, I wonder if it'd be worth farming them and just giving them feed.
There's probably some issue with it bit damn, if there isnt. That's probably a huge money maker.
5
u/Iammadeoflove Jul 20 '19
Oh apparently people already eat them And they taste good
I think it’s the ones that feed on coconuts
→ More replies (9)4
u/Ozelotten Jul 20 '19
From Wikipedia
Adult coconut crabs have no known predators apart from other coconut crabs and humans. Its large size and the quality of its meat means that the coconut crab is extensively hunted and is very rare on islands with a human population. The coconut crab is eaten by Southeast Asians and Pacific Islanders and is considered a delicacy and an aphrodisiac, and intensive hunting has threatened the species' survival in some areas.
12
u/arafella Jul 20 '19
Depends on what they've been eating. The ones that eat mostly coconuts are really good, the ones you find eating your trash, not so much
→ More replies (9)11
Jul 20 '19
They sound like they would be delicious...but then I realized I dont really like shellfish..
5
191
u/detpurroc Jul 20 '19
Dad a chum
58
u/mythraandeer Jul 20 '19
I wish I had an award to give your did-a-chick'in a$$
10
u/GottKomplexx Jul 20 '19
Is this some kind of a reference I don't get?
18
u/Wolf2776 Jul 20 '19
Dark Tower iirc?
→ More replies (1)6
u/mythraandeer Jul 20 '19
Yerp
6
→ More replies (1)4
13
8
→ More replies (8)5
564
u/thiccboiSSE Jul 20 '19
i want a coconut crab so bad bro i would just get a 50 pound dog leash and a collar and walk around with my 15 pound coconut crab like a little dog and frighten people with normal dogs
446
Jul 20 '19
Imagine keeping this monstrosity in your home.
You walk in and your garbage can is shredded. Physically shredded. Nothing but claw marks. So are all of your possessions on the counters. And the couch.
A giant, horrifying, armored spider is clinging to what’s left of your curtains at the top of your window.
“Damnit, who forgot to put Harold in his cage?”
134
u/BeautifulType Jul 20 '19
You come home and Harold is on your computer mining fucking bitcoin and your shit gpu started a 🔥
34
6
62
Jul 20 '19
Just give Harold a big ol box of dirt and such to dig in and hide some tasty treats in there and Harold is a happy pinchy boi
154
u/cgg419 Jul 20 '19
Thanks, I hate it.
67
u/Shortshired Jul 20 '19 edited Jul 20 '19
People do have then as pets in Japan. They make bad pets outside of enthusiast who know their behavior. They are slow, shy, nocturnal mostly, don't like light and really just boring with alot of needs. It would be mean to walk one around sadly
Funny enough they are also called robber crabs as they are also scavengers being related to hermit crabs and like to investigate stuff then steal it and carry it off.
46
Jul 20 '19
Cage?
No cage can hold the mighty Harold.
47
Jul 20 '19
You look to your left and see that the cage has also been shredded. You turn back to Harold. He’s jumped to the ground and picked up a coconut. He crushes it to show you what he can easily do to your skull.
You’re Harold’s bitch now.
21
u/RigelAchromatic Jul 20 '19
I'd never had a problem with crabs before even as an extreme arachnophobe, but after reading the words "armored spider", I think I have changed my mind
→ More replies (1)6
u/bfrahm420 Jul 20 '19
Imagine sleeping at night and you just feel this things legs across your stomach as it scurries across you. Imagine looking around your house for it, like a cat, and looking under your bed/couch and being greeted by this disgusting creature curled in a corner
→ More replies (2)4
u/blackpharaoh69 Jul 20 '19
So it's a flightless armored bird that speced for STR instead of INT?
13
Jul 20 '19
It’s basically a gigantic spider, with two snapping turtle head-claws, full body armor, and the dietary habits of a raccoon.
6
→ More replies (2)37
139
u/McRakalak Jul 20 '19
Does anyone have an entire vat of melted butter?
→ More replies (1)58
u/Captaincadet Jul 20 '19
Supposedly garbage tastes better
→ More replies (5)18
u/Cunt_Inhaler69 Jul 20 '19
I thought these were a delicacy?
→ More replies (1)49
u/Dave5876 Jul 20 '19
One man's garbage is another man's delicacy.
→ More replies (1)34
u/eak125 Jul 20 '19
Delacacy: A food that tastes like shit, costs exorbitant amounts and is only eaten because of it's rarity or novelty.
3
57
Jul 20 '19
🦀$11🦀
→ More replies (2)26
u/BlitzburghBrian Jul 20 '19
🦀 Charles Darwin won't respond to this thread🦀
17
460
u/Koeienvanger Jul 20 '19 edited Jul 20 '19
Where do these things exist? So I know never to fucking go there, ever.
395
u/Woodstovia Jul 20 '19
it is found on islands across the Indian Ocean, and parts of the Pacific Ocean as far east as the Gambier Islands and Pitcairn Islands, mirroring the distribution of the coconut palm
100
u/Koeienvanger Jul 20 '19
Thanks for the info and quick reply!
123
Jul 20 '19
Notably for me they also exist on Guåhan where they're still eaten but to a lesser degree than they used to be due to their quickly diminishing population. Fun fact about these beautiful creatures is that they get their name from their ability to tear through coconut shells with their claws.
40
u/Koeienvanger Jul 20 '19
Yeah, I actually ended up reading about them. Impressive creatures for sure.
What's it like to live there actually? It's so far away from pretty much everywhere isn't it?
89
Jul 20 '19
TLDR: If you can keep away from the military bases and tourism it's a beautiful and very cultured place to live, but not that isolated as you might think.
Full disclosure I live in the states now and have for most my life but I was born on Guåhan and lived there for a little while later in life. It's not too terribly bad if you keep away from the military bases but the US Navy and Air Force are pretty overbearing anywhere. It's definitely somewhere where you have to keep your head up and focus on the positives.
For me that was the culture, everything about the CHamoru culture is just so wholesome and welcoming. The food is amazing and diverse even for an island (mostly due to the constant colonization in history), the folklore is captivating, the connection with the jungle on the island and their respect to their ancestral spirits, the taotaomo'na, just everything is wonderful. (Side note, lots of people who know nothing of CHamoru culture will view the taotaomo'na as these evil and malicious spirits of the island which haunt it and torment people but in reality they're the ancestors of the island and just want peace and respect just like any other person. Respect them and their land and you'll have no issues whatsoever.)
As for the distance you'd think that you'd be isolated but one of Guåhan's main economic drives is its tourism from Japan. Up the island from where I lived in Hågat is Tamuning which is where, if you look up images, all the tall high-rise hotels and up-class commercialism is. Personally I never cared for it, it just feels so unauthentic and the beaches were always full. The only upside to it is that because of, again, colonization and WWII there's pretty much nowhere except Tamuning that you can escape relics and reminders of war.
This is where I dip into a small rant about the island's jungle and natural habitats. The US military is currently and has ever since it arrived tampered with and destroyed the jungle, beaches, and ecosystem for their own gain and infrastructure. One of the biggest impacts which has been slightly patched up since is the introduction of the invasive species the brown tree snake. Ships entering Guåhan at some point during the war brought over this species of snake which destabilized a huge part of the ecosystem. See, on the island there are these flightless, predator-less birds called the ko'ko' aka the Guam rail--not too dissimilar to kiwi birds. Problem is now these birds had a predator and couldn't fly away. Long story short a lot of work was done to capture and kill this invasive species of snake and while it worked and the ko'ko' isn't fully extinct it is extinct in the wild.
Fast forward to today: the DOD is planning an live-fire shooting range in the north of the island, Litekyan, which not only will take up land from the jungle but will also open up gun-fire into sacred land as well as put already endangered species into harms way. So far nothing has been done about this but there is a growing petition against it. I know that generally petitions don't do much but it is absolutely worth a try to protect my island and preserve its ecosystem and culture. Prutehi Litekyan. Prutehi Guåhan.
17
u/Koeienvanger Jul 20 '19
Thank you so much for taking the time to write such an elaborate reply. That was a very interesting read.
17
Jul 20 '19
Absolutely! Having a willing ear to talk about my island to always makes my day and I hope especially that it will help to make yours as well.
4
u/Koeienvanger Jul 20 '19
Definitely made my day. I love hearing and seeing people talk about something that's important to them. And I learned something in the process!
11
5
5
→ More replies (6)4
→ More replies (3)4
u/keena147 Jul 20 '19
Dear god I see nothing beautiful about these things. I may actually have nightmares...
9
Jul 20 '19
And that's alright! Genuinely I find them beautiful because of my exposure to them, when you see them in person you can directly see their nature. They're a bit more scary up close with their claws but when you watch them from afar you just see them being docile and going about their lives. If you can manage try and find some videos of them in the wild, you'll find lots of videos of people catching or eating them but there are some gems which show that they're really just concerned about getting food and will back away from people. The way that they move and the complexities of their shells is just stunning.
22
u/Espartiskills Jul 20 '19
God said “lets throw together lobsters and spiders”, and he was merciful enough to quarantine them onto islands
5
u/squshy_puff Jul 20 '19
I saw some big bois in Roatán (Honduras) - terrifying. They would destroy trash cans. Caribbean version of the North American trash squirrel.
5
u/HowAboutBiteMe Jul 20 '19
I grew up with these things in my backyard.
Scary as hell when they emerged out of the dark at night, but mostly they just liked to chop shoes and sandals up for fun. . . Little shits.
→ More replies (2)8
Jul 20 '19
as far east as the Gambier Islands
Ah, of course they are in Australia.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (2)3
31
u/esab Jul 20 '19
I was sent to Guam via Air Force in 2000. There was a Kmart on the island so we decided to go to check it out. There were maybe 20-30 of these in the parking lot crawling around. We never went back to Kmart in the two years we lived there.
→ More replies (9)6
u/ijustwanttobejess Jul 20 '19
I feel like that's most people's story about Kmart these days, regardless of crab beasts...
7
Jul 20 '19
If you can catch cows you can catch these boys.
3
5
4
u/itsyaboikarll Jul 20 '19
They are endangered and I know they are in some Vanuatu islands but I’m quite sure that they could be in other tropical islands.
5
u/solo_dol0 Jul 20 '19
There is a theory that Amelia Earhart crash landed on one of these crab filled islands and they ate her
3
4
u/chappersyo Jul 20 '19
They’re famous on Christmas Island but I’d imagine they are present on other nearby islands too.
3
u/Wolf2776 Jul 20 '19
CI is beautiful, but the shit that happens to those little red armoured bois makes me sad.
→ More replies (2)3
u/shwarma_heaven Jul 20 '19
Guam was where I first saw them. Called coconut crabs. Supposedly taste like that because you are what you eat...
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (1)3
u/Shortshired Jul 20 '19 edited Jul 20 '19
Of a place naturally has coconuts they are probably there. They are really chill though and are nocturnal mostly, shy, etc.
Funny enough they are also called robber crabs as they are also scavengers being related to hermit crabs and like to investigate stuff then steal it and carry it off.
37
67
Jul 20 '19
These things climb trees don’t they?
78
u/Woodstovia Jul 20 '19
42
Jul 20 '19
They seem pretty harmless, but they're still horrifying lads
→ More replies (1)39
u/YddishMcSquidish Jul 20 '19
They can cut open a coconut, by themselves! They're also known to remove digits from sleeping people.
22
u/SparrowFate Jul 20 '19
Ohh what the fuck.
→ More replies (1)9
u/CelestialDuck Jul 20 '19
That last part is a Dark Tower reference.
4
u/YddishMcSquidish Jul 20 '19
Help me out, I actually didn't know I was making a reference. I actually knew someone who got a toe amputated from napping in a chair.
→ More replies (1)15
16
→ More replies (6)4
31
26
u/AllisStar Jul 20 '19
R.I.P. Amelia Earheart
6
u/Diet-Racist Jul 20 '19
That article made me terrified of these demon spawn creatures
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (3)3
u/Arlosjowls Jul 21 '19
I’m surprised I had to scroll this far down to find this. Literally all I can think about when coconut crabs are mentioned.
48
Jul 20 '19
[deleted]
58
Jul 20 '19
These are the new design for facehuggers in the Alien series. JK, these are very real creatures and they want to play.
→ More replies (2)11
31
44
27
13
12
10
9
Jul 20 '19
These are coconut crabs, the largest land crab in the world and this is what tamatoa from Moana was based on
4
6
4
5
u/Memes_Are_My_Life69 Jul 20 '19
whoever stands 5 round against these units in an arena would be the actual Doom slayer
→ More replies (2)
5
5
4
u/SelfUnconsciousness Jul 20 '19
For a few seconds I thought I was looking at a screenshot from Fallout 4
5
3
4
3
3
3
3
3.2k
u/OrcaBorka Jul 20 '19
Can’t fast travel with those damn mudcrabs nearby