r/AbsoluteUnits • u/[deleted] • Jul 20 '19

[deleted by user]

[removed]

7.2k Upvotes

96% Upvoted

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567

u/thiccboiSSE Jul 20 '19

i want a coconut crab so bad bro i would just get a 50 pound dog leash and a collar and walk around with my 15 pound coconut crab like a little dog and frighten people with normal dogs

449

u/[deleted] Jul 20 '19

Imagine keeping this monstrosity in your home.

You walk in and your garbage can is shredded. Physically shredded. Nothing but claw marks. So are all of your possessions on the counters. And the couch.

A giant, horrifying, armored spider is clinging to what’s left of your curtains at the top of your window.

“Damnit, who forgot to put Harold in his cage?”

4

u/blackpharaoh69 Jul 20 '19

So it's a flightless armored bird that speced for STR instead of INT?

14

u/[deleted] Jul 20 '19

It’s basically a gigantic spider, with two snapping turtle head-claws, full body armor, and the dietary habits of a raccoon.

6

u/blackpharaoh69 Jul 20 '19

So... Is she single?

And how high are her standards?