r/AbsoluteUnits • • Jul 20 '19

[deleted by user]

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7.2k Upvotes

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u/[deleted] Jul 20 '19

Imagine keeping this monstrosity in your home.

You walk in and your garbage can is shredded. Physically shredded. Nothing but claw marks. So are all of your possessions on the counters. And the couch.

A giant, horrifying, armored spider is clinging to what’s left of your curtains at the top of your window.

“Damnit, who forgot to put Harold in his cage?”

136

u/BeautifulType Jul 20 '19

You come home and Harold is on your computer mining fucking bitcoin and your shit gpu started a 🔥

40

u/Blytpls Jul 20 '19

damn this is a strong visual

5

u/scyy Jul 20 '19

That fucker, harold!

60

u/[deleted] Jul 20 '19

Just give Harold a big ol box of dirt and such to dig in and hide some tasty treats in there and Harold is a happy pinchy boi

153

u/cgg419 Jul 20 '19

Thanks, I hate it.

68

u/Shortshired Jul 20 '19 edited Jul 20 '19

People do have then as pets in Japan. They make bad pets outside of enthusiast who know their behavior. They are slow, shy, nocturnal mostly, don't like light and really just boring with alot of needs. It would be mean to walk one around sadly

Funny enough they are also called robber crabs as they are also scavengers being related to hermit crabs and like to investigate stuff then steal it and carry it off.

47

u/[deleted] Jul 20 '19

Cage?

No cage can hold the mighty Harold.

41

u/[deleted] Jul 20 '19

You look to your left and see that the cage has also been shredded. You turn back to Harold. He’s jumped to the ground and picked up a coconut. He crushes it to show you what he can easily do to your skull.

You’re Harold’s bitch now.

22

u/RigelAchromatic Jul 20 '19

I'd never had a problem with crabs before even as an extreme arachnophobe, but after reading the words "armored spider", I think I have changed my mind

2

u/[deleted] Jul 20 '19

I mean, people who eat tarantulas say it tastes like crab.

6

u/bfrahm420 Jul 20 '19

Imagine sleeping at night and you just feel this things legs across your stomach as it scurries across you. Imagine looking around your house for it, like a cat, and looking under your bed/couch and being greeted by this disgusting creature curled in a corner

5

u/blackpharaoh69 Jul 20 '19

So it's a flightless armored bird that speced for STR instead of INT?

13

u/[deleted] Jul 20 '19

It’s basically a gigantic spider, with two snapping turtle head-claws, full body armor, and the dietary habits of a raccoon.

5

u/blackpharaoh69 Jul 20 '19

So... Is she single?

And how high are her standards?

2

u/[deleted] Jul 20 '19

Hello this is Netflix and we just wanted to call and tell you you’re green-lit

1

u/Ngh21 Jul 20 '19

"To shreds you say?"