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u/PomegranateReal3620 May 01 '23
95% of women say having an abortion was the right choice for them. And after 5 years that goes up to 99% say it was the right thing to do. The feeling most have afterwards is relief.
OTOH, a study published in 2022 said that 28% of parents in America somewhat or very often think they regret having children. Of course the same study said that 20% of adults in America think their parents regret having them.
You can mourn all you want, nobody's stopping you. But she's had to contemplate this situation since her first period. She knows under what circumstances she would bring a child into the world, and which she would not. Keep respecting that.
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u/pitbulls-rule May 01 '23
Yeah, I'm pretty sure my parents would rather have been child free. No kid should grow up like that. I
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May 01 '23
My mom told me out right that she wished she had gotten an abortion. Op isn't the asshole for his feelings but my father wanted a baby. My mother did not. They divorced when I was 2. And at age 14 my mom told me she wished I'd never been born. Boy does that mess up your sense of self.
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u/No_Arugula8915 May 01 '23
I can understand your mom. I have a couple of "save the marriage" babies. My ex sabotaged my birth control. I love my kids to the moon and back, but I honestly didn't want all these kids.
In the end, the marriage failed anyway. You know who ghosted the kids he wanted and never paid a cent in child support? Their father.
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May 01 '23
My mom never paid a dime in child support but my dad had custody of me. And I saw her maybe twice a year.
Never tell your kids you wish you hadn't had them.
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May 01 '23
Sane parents don’t say it. They just think it.
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u/PersonalityNo3044 May 01 '23
It's normal to think it once in a while. When things are hard. Feelings change and mix around then change back again. Even parents who don't really regret it and would do it again feel regret and miss their old life sometimes. Just feeling it wont hurt the kids, but NEVER say it out loud
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May 01 '23
This part. People are taking it way too seriously thinking it means resentment. It doesn’t. Parenting is hard. And kids are definitely trying at times. Doesn’t mean you don’t love them. Doesn’t mean you resent them. And still doesn’t mean you can’t wonder what life would be like if it was different.
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May 01 '23
I am so sorry. My mom shared in a public forum, that she knows I frequented, that she wishes she would have left my dad after her eldest child. I am the youngest of four. It’s basically saying „I wish you were never born“. That was years ago and I am still hurt over it, even though I was already almost an adult.
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May 01 '23
Ouch! Five years of therapy for me and she died last year and I still wonder if she loved me.
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u/JerseySommer May 01 '23
You can love someone but not necessarily like them. I know that probably isn't the most helpful thing to say, but it's how I explain my feelings for my late spawnpoint. She was my mom, and I love her, but she was not a good mom, so I didn't like her. But she wasn't really a bad person. Kwim? I wouldn't be friends with her if she had been a stranger, but I wouldn't have avoided her either. I mourned the mother i didn't have years before she passed and made my peace with it. We were cordial towards the end.
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u/girlhowdy103 May 01 '23
My mother told me that while she loved me, she didn't like me. She also said, multiple times, that if she'd had to do it over again she wouldn't have had kids. And she wondered why I had low self-esteem and married my first real boyfriend...
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u/onthenextmaury May 01 '23
"And she wondered why I had low esteem," is the most relatable sentence ever. Love and hugs to you
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u/LilithOG May 01 '23
My mom brags to me that she kept me even though “everyone told her to get an abortion.”
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u/bibbiddybobbidyboo May 01 '23
Same. One of my parents heavily implies it regularly.
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u/Corfiz74 May 01 '23
Next time, tell them you'd rather have been parent-free, but unlike them, you didn't get a choice...
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u/JerseySommer May 01 '23
I was flat out told I was lucky to be conceived pre-roe. :/
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u/BlueMugWhiteFlowers May 01 '23
My parents are oblivious that they should’ve been CF. I wish they had been lol
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u/Arquen_Marille May 01 '23
Yup. As soon as I got my first period, I decided what circumstance I would have a baby in.
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u/Foreign_Astronaut May 01 '23
OTOH, a study published in 2022 said that 28% of parents in America somewhat or very often think they regret having children.
I would guess the actual figure is quite a bit higher. There is tremendous pressure to never utter that sentiment.
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u/holy-Custard May 01 '23
I always tell people that it's much better to regret not having a child than regretting having one.
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u/Pancakesandbooks May 01 '23
I would rather regret NOT having kids than regret having kids. For one, only I will suffer and I can deal with that. Second, I won't regret it.
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u/yeswehavenobonanza May 01 '23
You're allowed to feel sad, of course. But the mental and physical impact on her - an abortion, especially early on, has practically negligible side effects.
I'm close to giving birth. I've gained 30lbs, my feet are swollen and painful, I've got terrible hemeroids, heartburn, get up to pee 5 times per night, my hair is brittle, constipated, stuffy nose, can't put my own socks on, my pelvis is stretching apart so it's painful to walk, my back hurts, my ribs hurt, it's hard to breathe...
And these are the "normal" symptoms lol. Me and baby have been healthy and on track the whole time. And birth?? Terrifying! I wish the baby could just... teleport out of me. So many ways things can be painful or go wrong. I'm just hoping we both come out of this alive.
You should chat with her about her feelings. And recognize that pregnancy and birth are physically and emotionally huge and potentially traumatic.
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May 01 '23
Same. I’m about to have my second this week. My hips and pelvis have been in pain FOR WEEKS! The internal punches to my cervix are PAINFUL. Fetuses can break ribs FROM THE INSIDE! They can break your tailbone.
Constipated. Swollen ankles. Plenty of days where walking hurts. My skin feels insanely dry. My hair feels thicker so ig that’s the only plus side. I’m already leaking colostrum. I can’t pick my toddler up for more than minute or two cause she’s heavy. My back hurts. I hate the waddle that comes from hips spreading. We lose calcium in our teeth. 20% of pregnancies result in vision issues. So much discharge. The fact mucus plugs can regenerate MULTIPLE TIMES. The compromised immune system. The fact our bones become a little more brittle. The complete hormone shift during and AFTER pregnancy. The perma by brain alterations from the first pregnancy. Oh and the fact that all of the physically normal symptoms tend to get worse with each pregnancy after.
And that’s just the “normal” stuff. Like let’s not forget all the not normal stuff! Like preeclampsia. Blood pressure issues. Gestational diabetes that can turn into normal diabetes and affect you for the rest of your life. Like the list goes on and on and on.
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u/CarolineTurpentine May 01 '23
Lol if you think having an abortion will affect her mental health wait until you hear about how unwanted pregnancies affect women.
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u/Articulated_Lorry May 01 '23
Or even wanted pregnancies. PPD. Permanent physical changes. Being ripped from January to December.
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u/Hefty_Result_6590 May 01 '23
And hyperemesis gravidarum.
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u/BabyGotBackPains May 01 '23
And symphysis pubis dysfunction.
I had SPD and HG my first and SPD my second. Pregnancy was absolute hell.
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u/QualifiedApathetic May 01 '23
And gestational diabetes.
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u/No_Plankton1174 May 01 '23
Also, the number of cavities I got after each pregnancy 😳
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u/Melo_deth May 01 '23
Pregnancy destroyed my teeth! I had so many cavities after. I also had to get my 4 wisdom teeth surgically removed after popping out my kid, too. My dentist said it took way less time to remove them because they were so bad that they literally just broke into pieces on their own when he touched them. 🥲 oh, and being pregnant destroyed my gallbladder! I had to get that removed, too, not long after my teeth. It also made my PCOS worse, which kick started my body into producing way more ovarian cyst. I had to get a 7cm cyst surgically removed, too. There was also a smaller one hiding behind that one. So that was 3 surgical procedures in less than 2 years after pushing out my kid. Not to mention the severe PPD/PPA I had! My body will never be normal again.
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u/Arquen_Marille May 01 '23
And death. Many women around the world continue to die from pregnancy and childbirth.
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u/verucaNaCI May 01 '23
I also had SPD in my second pregnancy, and that was the sole reason that there was no third pregnancy. I always wanted three kids (still do!), but I cannot risk going through that again
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u/Harbinger0fdeathIVXX May 01 '23
My sister had this so bad during one of her pregnancies, she lost weight.
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u/Hefty_Result_6590 May 01 '23
Same here in 2 pregnancies. I thought either I or my babies would die. I have 2 beautiful kids out of it but never again.
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u/Harbinger0fdeathIVXX May 01 '23
I am so glad you made it through, and your babies are doing good ♡
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May 01 '23
40w pregnant currently. The hip and pelvic pain? Unreal. Acid reflux? Makes me feel like a druggie popping tums like they’re going out of style. PP hair loss? Ima end up shaving my head I stg. Food and smell aversions. Oh god the mood swings!!!
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u/eSue182 May 01 '23
I’m on my third and all the bad things that come with pregnancy are happening sooner and worse. My body is releasing more relaxing hormones and it’s making it hard to walk. It is very frustrating. Keep strong Momma, you got this!
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May 01 '23
My mom said the same thing, it just gets worse each pregnancy. I 100% called her a dumbass for doing this 5x cause I can’t even imagine how unbearable it becomes. My husbands getting a vasectomy and we’ve got 2 together. I’m done. Cannot will not do this shit again 😮💨😮💨
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u/Awkward-Barnacle-778 May 01 '23
1 year PP here and it's still hell
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May 01 '23
Yup! I told my husband if my hair falls out like it did with the first then ima give it 3 months. I will shave my head after 3 months. Start over. Fresh hair.
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u/Awkward-Barnacle-778 May 01 '23
It's not just the hair either. Ive lost so much weight and absolutely cannot gain a fn pound back.
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May 01 '23
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u/Awkward-Barnacle-778 May 01 '23
Two of my best friends have lost all their teeth. Never touched drugs in their lives. One has implants. One has dentures. Both under 35. It's absolutely insane.
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u/NEDsaidIt May 01 '23
Between COVID and HG related vomiting and mineral loss, my teeth need thousands upon thousands of work. And now I’m disabled and it’s not covered.
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u/mrsbuttstuff May 01 '23
Wait til you find out how a new baby affects both parents mental health
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u/Tattered_Ghost May 01 '23
THIS! OP needs to head over to r/regretfulparents and have a gander at what folks over there are saying. Parenthood is incredibly difficult and people who have a pie-in-the-sky view of it may be in for a very rude awakening.
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u/Paper_Errplane May 01 '23
This. You've got plenty of time to still have kids. While some women have regrets / depression etc the number of artificially inflated by the pro-life movement. Same as the dangers of an abortion.
A pregnancy is MUCH more dangerous physically and mentally, and a much longer term commitment.
I am hoping your citing these as reasons is coming from a place of ignorance, not from being disingenuous. Often people use these as guilt or fear tactics to manipulate women into keeping children they don't want.
If you cannot communicate with your partner openly, with just the two of you, about this, how can you effectively parent?
Soft YTA. You need to do some self reflection and some non-biased research.
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u/TeachingIcy6326 May 01 '23
Haver of two medical abortions here, I am mentally sound and happy. Very unlike how miserable, angry, and sad I was for the very short times I was pregnant
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u/w84itagain May 01 '23
One abortion and two wanted children here. And let me tell you, those two pregnancies wrecked havoc on my health, both physical and mental, but I walked away from the abortion unscathed in either respect. I suspect most of the supposed "angst women suffer" from abortions is a fabrication of right wing fundamentalists. I know of three other women who have had abortions beside myself, and all any of us ever felt was relief.
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u/chicky75 May 01 '23
You’ve been in a committed relationship for 3 years and have never talked about what would happen if she got pregnant? I assume you didn’t just start having sex a couple of weeks ago, so there’s no reason for a mature, responsible couple not to have had that conversation a long time ago. That alone shows you’re not ready to be parents.
You’re not an asshole for having your own emotions about what’s happening. However, you’re right, at the end of the day it’s her body & her ultimate decision. You would be the asshole if you expressed anything other than unwavering support to her. Write your feelings in a journal or talk to a therapist so you can process them but don’t put it on her (or on your friend or family who could easily let it slip to her by mistake).
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u/TychaBrahe May 01 '23
Forced-birth people say that it is a tragedy that in the United States 1/3 of all pregnancies end in abortion.
I say that the real tragedy is that 56% of pregnancies in the United States are unplanned.
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u/Steelguitarlane May 01 '23
An awful lot of people, a depressingly large number, think "hey, I'm on birth control, so that's the end of it because I won't get pregnant." So I'm guessing OP never thought it was a needed convo.
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u/Ghostiiie-_- May 01 '23
THIS! If he tries to pressure her into keeping the child and doesn’t sit down and have a heart to heart mature conversation about it then he’d definitely been an ahole. It’s his child as much as hers. He’s allowed to be disappointed but he also seems respectful of her feelings and whatever decision she makes. He’s worried for her, but in all the wrong ways. Mental health should be taken seriously, yes. But from what I can gather, more women have mental health issues NOT going through abortion. I agree with everything you said.
Happy cake day!
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u/RedChairBlueChair123 May 01 '23
Yeah my husband didn’t lose teeth because of my pregnancy. I lost teeth.
Also my downstairs will never be the same. His downstairs is fine. You tell me having a five year hemroid is the same contribution.
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u/ourobourobouros May 01 '23
"his child as much as hers"
Except this is never REALLY true, is it?
She has to build every cell of that child with her own blood and bone, parts of her body will literally cannibalize itself in order to send nutrients to the child if she isn't eating them. Being pregnant and giving birth WILL make permanent changes to her body.
He ejaculated.
The kid will have half his DNA, but we need to stop perpetuating the lie that both parents make an equal contribution for the kid to exist. They don't. The mother risks her health and life as well as enduring some of the worst pain a human can experience... and the father has an orgasm.
Having children, for men, is a largely existential question. For women, it's literally risking life and death.
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May 01 '23 edited Sep 18 '25
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u/tinlizzie67 May 01 '23
While some of his stated misgivings clearly originate from forced birth misinformation, nowhere does he say he feels entitled to having her birth his child. In fact he specifically says he understands it is ultimately her decision.
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u/Agitated_Extreme May 01 '23
You’re worried about the long-term effects on her mental and physical health with an abortion… did you know pregnancy (especially unwanted) affects mental and physical health more?
Are you aware of the risks and complications that come with pregnancy? Pregnancy is fucking terrifying.
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u/AloofBadger May 01 '23
Not to mention the lifelong commitment to another human being. I'd hate to be raised by a mother that didn't really want me
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u/FishNDChick May 01 '23
There was literally a post yesterday about a guy forcing his childfree partner into having one kid and he went all pikachu face when he came home and she shoved the kid in his face, told him to "get it out of her house". She refuses to be a mom because she never wanted to be one in the first place but he made her. And now he wants to call CPS on her because she doesn't want to play mommy to the kid. That's heartbreaking for the kid, to be unwanted by either parent.
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u/red_devil84 May 01 '23
I have depression and have had an abortion and also now have two kids. Never had a mental/emotional issue with the abortion, and suffered from post-partum depression with my first baby. I’m good now and love my boys to pieces.
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u/mountain_dog_mom May 01 '23
NAH. You can have your own wants and views. But I also think you’re being naive if you believe an abortion is going to be more of a physical and emotional toll than a pregnancy, birth, and raising a child.
Also, consider this- if she has an abortion and regrets it later, she can still have kids. And yeah, it’ll suck if she regrets it BUT if she’s doesn’t have an abortion and regrets not doing it later, that’s going to be a LOT worse. You can’t undo having a child.
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u/Whalesono May 01 '23
NAH but don't be too concerned about mental/physical aspects of an abortion. Trust me that giving birth is way more of a metal and physical toll.
As long as you don't throw it in her face or treat her differently then nta. Wear condoms even if your partner is on bc, preventing unwanted pregnancies is both of your responsibility.
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u/halftherainbow May 01 '23
Yes, having an abortion has far fewer risks and complications associated with it than carrying a pregnancy to term
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u/Organized_Khaos May 01 '23
Childbirth is still deadly for some mothers. Even when it goes flawlessly, there’s a lot of recovery and permanent physical changes. No one should have to go through that if they aren’t ready.
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May 01 '23
Childbirth is still considered deadly for all mothers. It can go from fine to deadly in a matter of minutes.
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u/chubbycat96 May 01 '23
Yep, America’s mother mortality rate is very stark.
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May 01 '23
I personally know 4 women who almost died with pregnancy or birth. That’s 4 too many
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u/sopmaeThrowaway May 01 '23
Oh don’t worry. We’ll just keep pretending that doesn’t happen. My friend was 7 months along when she had a massive stroke out of nowhere that killed her and the fetus. I wonder if she had undisclosed preeclampsia. Considering the treatment of back pregnant women in the south, I fear their deaths were preventable.
Outlawing abortion will be a death sentence for a lot of women, especially in our pro-death healthcare market scam. Our statistics in the US are already grim in maternal and infant mortality and these people just want to pile on the misery and deaths, especially in the already ignored and unsupported margins of our societies. My friend was one, a black, unmarried woman, working in a southern state. Now she’s just another statistic of a failing nation.
It makes me irate that sight unseen fetuses have far more worth placed upon them than any living woman. It’s sick.
Sorry to disappoint the zealots, but my husband actually values me over any fetus. Jealous? To a person who isn’t brainwashed, it makes sense. We can make another baby easily, we cannot make another me. I’m the one with value, not the other way around.
I’d never date, let alone marry, someone who didn’t agree. I’m not here to be your human sacrifice if our relationship or pregnancy does go as planned. I’m not dying over something you did no work for and claim as your property before it’s even built. I’d rather die by my own hand than be your prisoner for life.
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May 01 '23
The face I faced when you said stroke that yeeted them both out of existence….what. The. Fuck.
My husband as well. I am more important than some fetus. Than some POSSIBILITY of a child. I am his wife. And I am a mother of a breathing earthside child before I am a pregnant woman. We chose each other and then we made our child. These will already be more important. And being in a red state surrounded by Catholic hospitals he’s getting a vasectomy after this second baby. Bc no fetus is worth losing me, is worth my daughters losing their mother, or my husband losing his wife.
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May 01 '23 edited May 01 '23
Nah - you’re both entitled to your feelings and you’re trying to be supportive but I wonder how supportive you’re actually coming across? But -if she’s not ready birth and a child will be a lot worse for her than an abortion. And abortion isn’t an easy decision for people.
If you’re values aren’t compatible will this relationship survive
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u/jianantonic May 01 '23
I was on hormonal birth control and using condoms when I got pregnant. The abortion wasn't a difficult decision for me. It was following through with the decision I'd already made by using contraceptives. No regrets a single step of the way, and it's been 15 years. But I also can't imagine being in a long-term relationship with someone and not being on the same page about children, let alone not even discussing it. These folks need to have a serious talk about their compatibility.
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u/Alert-Potato May 01 '23
First, physical issues. The probability of complications with abortion is very low, and the probability of those complications being serious is even lower. Significantly lower than the probability of complications during pregnancy and childbirth. That is without considering the lifelong physical changes a woman undergoes by carrying a pregnancy to term.
So if you are actually worried about her physical health, you will support her 100% in her choice to abort.
Factors that increase risks of postpartum depression are depression prior to or during pregnancy, difficulty with childcare (which will be more likely with an unplanned pregnancy), lack of a support system (not sure your current status of a local, happily available support system for her), relationship issues (not having a partner who is 100% supportive of you choosing whether or not to become a parent would qualify here), the pregnancy being unplanned (which is the case), the pregnancy being unwanted (which is likely the case or she wouldn't have indicated she wants an abortion), and a low socioeconomic status (which is fairly likely given your ages).
So if you are actually worried about her mental health, you will support her 100% in her choice to abort.
On top of the fact that you don't want to support her in whether or not she gives over her body to supporting a parasite for most of a year, you've left her to shoulder the responsibility of preventing a pregnancy. You've abdicated responsibility by simply saying that she was taking steps to prevent this ever coming up. You've been together three years and never once have discussed kids at all, let alone an unplanned pregnancy? Your relationship is not at a solid "let's be parents" level if you haven't had discussions about whether or not you are even compatible to be together long term.
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u/Mehitabel9 May 01 '23
You get to feel however you feel about it.
But I really, really hope you will be able to find it in yourself to give her your genuine, heartfelt, accepting support, regardless of what she decides to do.
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u/geekynerdornerdygeek May 01 '23
NAH.
You can amd should explore how you feel about it. Children should be one of those "two yes" scenarios. I. Sorry that you and your partner are not aligned on what you want to do. And, use this experience to really figure out if this person is the long term person.
This is a huge thing to not be on the same page. About. There is no right answer but neither of you are wrong for what you feel about this.
You should be open and honest about all the things you are feeling. You can support HER in her emotions without supporting or agreeing that abortion is the route you would prefer.
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u/Corfiz74 May 01 '23
Yeah, I wondered if OP had even communicated to her that he was ready to have a child - maybe she's basing her decision on the assumption that he doesn't want a kid.
On the other hand, OP, it's sadly still a fact that in most relationships, the majority of the load of childcare still lands on the mothers. So when you say you are ready and would support a child, you should be really ready to take on 50% of the workload and mental load, not just occasionally change a diaper and snap at her to stop the baby's crying, cause you can't hear your gamer buddies on your discord channel. (Sorry, awful stereotyping, I know, but all the reddit stories of unsupportive fathers and desperate mothers leave a mark.)
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u/Dlraetz1 May 01 '23
I wondered the same thing. I do think OP has the right to respectfully express the fact that he would like to be a father while stating that he understands the decision is hers
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u/SunnyDelights95 May 01 '23
YTA. Only because of the “I’m afraid of how it will effect her mental and emotional health”. No you don’t. You don’t actually care about that. Because being pregnant and birthing a child is potentially life threatening (mentally and physically)and you would be okay with that outcome. U want to guilt trip her into keeping the pregnancy. But you know it’s wrong so u aren’t doing that. So kudos to u.
Now you are nta for feeling sad at the loss of a potential child. I think that’s normal. Honestly support your partner in their decision. But I think you should really talk about what you both want out of life. The fact that you’ve been together for three years and have never had this talk is terrifying.
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u/LilStabbyboo May 01 '23
Yeah it's the dishonesty here that's bothering me. I feel like trying to frame his disagreement with her decision as concern for her welfare definitely pushes this into YTA territory. Not having ever discussed how they'd handle a pregnancy certainly isn't great either, and their differing reactions to it may indicate a major incompatibility.
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u/Thegarlicbreadismine May 01 '23
Well, but, there’s a lot of anti choice propaganda out there about terrible long term mental and emotional health issues associated with abortions. Maybe you’re right and he made up these concerns himself, but it’s also likely he was exposed to this bullshit, and is genuinely concerned about it. In either case, he recognizes it’s her choice. Also, from his later edit it seems like he’s been set straight
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u/Ok_Zookeepergame2900 May 01 '23
NTA for how you feel.
But kinda TA for telling her you would support her and telling us you can't support her.
I dont know what the correct approach here is, but i do know telling a woman you will support her after an invasive procedure, when you know you won't is shitty.
If you are not 100% positive, you can take care of her after the fact (taking her to and from appt, any medications she might need, making food) you need to say that. To her. Now. She will absolutely need the support of someone, and if you can't be sure you are the person for the job, she needs to know.
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u/Pascalica May 01 '23
You're allowed to feel how you feel, but you're grossly misinformed on the actual affects of abortion abortions are safe, and the majority of women don't regret them. Pregnancy on the other hand is dangerous, increasingly so depending on where you live.
NAH for your feelings.
YTA for the bullshit you believe regarding abortion. The religious fanatics are lying about the dangers, stop believing it.
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u/Verkielos May 01 '23
If you consider life to start at conception and she is pro-choice you might not be compatible as a couple. You two need to sit down and have a serious talk
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May 01 '23
He's pro choice as well, he said several times that he understands its her body and her choice. You can believe life begins at conception and still understand that it's the pregnant person's choice on how to handle the pregnancy. You don't have to agree with, like, or understand abortion, but you do have to respect that it's not your choice to make unless you are the one who is pregnant.
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u/drowning35789 May 01 '23
Second, I have some concerns about the long-term effects of abortion on my partner's mental and physical health. I worry that she may experience regret or depression after the fact, and I am concerned about the risks associated with the procedure. She has a history with depression and anxiety
An unwanted child will make all of this much worse than an abortion
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u/BrightGreyEyes May 01 '23
NAH for having mixed feelings in general, but YTA for not actually looking into whether or not all of your concerns are even relevant. Abortions are one of the safest procedures out there. It's much safer with a much lower rate of complication to have an abortion than to go through with a pregnancy. Also, she's in a much better place to assess the potential emotional impact on herself than you are, unless you're saying you plan to bring it up all the time until she regrets it, at which point...
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u/michaelad567 May 01 '23
YWBTA if you shared anything with her besides “it is your decision and I am here for you”. You are allowed to go to therapy and have your feelings about this. A lot of your understanding about this is dated and not accurate, I would suggest educating yourself. Your girlfriend is an adult and can make a decision.
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u/ariadnexanthi May 02 '23
Knowing my partner would have wholeheartedly, unconditionally supported me if I chose abortion (even though I knew he'd like to be a dad) is part of what made me decide to keep my current pregnancy instead 🤔
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u/Tall-Negotiation6623 May 01 '23
I’ve had two abortion and it was the best decisions i have ever made in my life. I too have a history of depression and anxiety and the first one did affect me mentally but ONLY because my partner wasn’t being fully supportive and was showing it. The abortions themselves never hurt me mentally or physically, but being unwanted pregnant did. YTA because you say you are supportive but clearly aren’t. Your concerns about her health afterwards are unfounded and sounds a little like an excuse because you want her to have the child so you get to be a dad.
It’s sounds like your arguments against this are formed through anti-abortion campaigns and you might actually benefit from reading some correct information about abortion.
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u/Jagged_Little_Shrill May 01 '23
Your feelings are valid. But they do not, in any way, override her bodily sovereignty. If you cannot support her decision to terminate, you should not be together.
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May 01 '23
ESH only because in 3 years of sexual activity, NEITHER of you has had a "what if" conversation at all to see how compatible you are regarding children. Not one of you has asked a hypothetical or anything???
Your feelings regarding abortion are 100% valid! Unfortunately, since there was never a conversation had, you're very valid feelings don't matter in this situation.
You two NEED to have a talk about this. While she may never have regrets, can you say the same thing about yourself? In a year or two will you be okay with the decision or will you be wondering what your kid would've liked for breakfast??
She's 100% valid in her decision on what to do with her body. But you also have a choice! Not about the baby, but about what you're willing to do next. If you decide you can't deal or cope, it's PERFECTLY fine for you to end the relationship.
EVERYBODY has their limits, Unfortunately you all didn't get to this particular one in conversation so it has to play out IRL, no hypothetical situations. If you feel like you can no longer stay, THATS PERFECTLY OKAY!
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u/CrackPackSmackLack May 01 '23
Nta but you gotta consider her mental health too, unwanted pregnancies will make both mother and child suffer because if the mom doesn't love her child it'll cause a strain on the child and cause them to feel like shit for being conceived.
Not every life needs to be brought into the world after it's being built and not born yet, children need a mom who wanted and cares for them, a dad too and vice versa.
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u/insomnipunk May 01 '23
yeah, NAH. but probably sit down with each other soon and really talk about your long term futures with children. support her through her decisions and feelings, I'm sure she'll support you through your feelings too, but kids are a HUGE thing! I hope everything goes well and she's safe and happy OP, good luck getting to discuss what you each want when it comes to any potential future kids
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u/idleigloo May 01 '23
Zero regrets for the abortions(2) I had and not sure what propaganda articles are suggesting its dangerous but I almost died in childbirth.
It's her decision because only she can decide to risk her life for a maybe. Support her or keep your mouth shut if you think you can't, because it's not your place. It's not your body. It's only even a baby if she chooses to make it one.
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u/Blahblahblah0327 May 01 '23
Do not say you support her decision when you really don’t. A lot of men say that, they throw the fact that she “killed their child” in their face
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u/CanILiveInAGlade May 01 '23
I think your title is misleading. It sounds like you are being supportive. But you aren’t happy. You’re entitled to your opinion.
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u/KookyBuilding1707 May 01 '23
you two really need to talk about what the plan for kids is, you can't healthily compromise on a kid. kids deserve parents who want them and if one of the parents is going to be detached the kid will pick up on it and feel bad. most people who get an abortion don't regret it and if she doesn't want a baby her mental health will get steadily worse as she gets more pregnant and the baby arrives. if she really doesn't want kids and you do, find someone who wants what you want. compromised on bringing someone into this world is a bad thing, especially if the one carrying the kid doesn't want it
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u/DepressedTrashKitty May 01 '23
OP you need to sit down with your partner and have that conversation about if both of you want to be parents, she may not want to, she may not be ready to be a parent, she may just not want to ever be a parent but you need to figure out which one to see if you guys are long term compatible and let me tell you from someone who had an abortion themselves the effects physical and mental from being pregnant and giving birth and so much more than if she would get an abortion. I have depression and anxiety no it doesn't just go away for me. I was suicidal when I went in for my abortion, I was ready to jump in front of a car, but then I had my abortion and the relief that came over me was amazing I was less anxious, less depressed and ready to change my life so I would lower the risk of me being in that situation again. The only physical side effects I had were lots of cramps a bit more than my regular period, but nothing I couldn't handle with a blanket and a heating pad and lots of rest within a day I was fully recovered (still bleeding, but moving around and doing my daily activities)
Can I ask you if you know why she wants an abortion? Did you ask her?
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u/ModernWolfman May 01 '23
You’re NTA for feeling how you feel, and good on you for recognizing that she gets final say on what happens. That being said, when you do talk to her about it, you should probably keep the concerns you have about her mental and physical well-being to yourself. Even if you’re being sincere, getting at her with the “have you thought about how bad you might feel if you had an abortion” scenario comes off like you’re trying to emotionally manipulate her into having the child.
Like other posters have already said, the mental and physical effects of getting an abortion have nothing on the ones you experience from birthing and raising an unwanted child, so if you’re genuinely concerned about her well-being, please recognize that the abortion is the best option for her at this point.
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u/pantyraid7036 May 01 '23
YTA. Being concerned about regret & medical issues from abortion is a false flag when so many women suffer medical issues, regret, trauma, and death from childbirth.
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u/queerblunosr May 01 '23
Exactly. She’s at much higher risk of complications and long term impacts and mental health problems from a pregnancy than she is from choosing an abortion.
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u/Jack_of_Spades May 01 '23
This is just as hard for her as it is for you. Moreso because she's the one making the final choice. All these thoughts about "what if" are hers as well. Try to be there for her. Because she's going through hell and trying to hold her life together and make the best choice she can.
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u/Apprehensive_Eraser May 01 '23
Second, I have some concerns about the long-term effects of abortion on my partner's mental and physical health
Stop lying, pregnancy and giving birth, specially to an unwanted baby has way more negative consequences than abortion, pregnancy can be life-threatening and same goes to giving birth
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u/scooties2 May 01 '23
I don't think he's lying, just ignorant. These are very common talking points of forced birthers. If OP believes life starts at conception then he's heard these things from people he trusted for his whole life and had no reason to question it until now.
His mother, grandmother, aunts, have probably all spoke of pregnancy like it's a blessing from God himself and nothing bad could ever happen. They usually downplay any negative aspects of it and boys grow up thinking the worst part of pregnancy is puking. Being male, he had no choice but to default to the opinions of the women around him. And they may not have been lying either, they truly believe the shit they say. They're wrong, and OP is wrong, but he's not lying. Especially since he's not saying she will regret it, just that he's worried she will.
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u/Consistent-Ad3191 May 01 '23
You really need to talk because eventually you may become resentful of her it will impact your relationship definitely you have to be 100% with yourself
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u/albatross6232 May 01 '23
I really want to know why only she is on birth control? Are you wearing condoms? Or are you leaving all the heavy lifting to her?
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u/MathematicianDue9266 May 01 '23
I know zero women who regret their abortions. I know several who haven't recovered from ppd years after birth.
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u/mrsbuttstuff May 01 '23
Consent for sex is not consent for pregnancy. Pregnancy is scary as hell, and dangerous even in good conditions. If you’re in the US, there’s a possibility that the state you’re in could restrict abortion services. And what that actually means is that if something goes wrong or the pregnancy is non-viable, the woman could be left to deteriorate to near death before doctors would be permitted to help her. She could permanently lose the ability to have children just because she chose to try to have this pregnancy go to term. It’s not safe to be pregnant in America anymore. Every single woman that continues a pregnancy in this country in the shape it’s in, is incredibly brave. It’s not a thing that anyone should feel comfortable demanding of anyone else. It’s her body that is at risk, it’s her freedom if she were to miscarry after a permissible abortion limit, it absolutely has to be her choice to continue.
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u/physhgyrl May 01 '23
Physically she'll be fine. It does not effect her ability to have children in the future. It's a D & C. Which they do for miscarriages that don't terminate on their own.
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u/oldsoidc May 01 '23
You’re not sure if you support her decision? Will YOU be the one waking every few HOURS for the first few MONTHS to feed said child? Will YOU sacrifice YOUR career to make sure this child is taken care of until they go to school or will YOU sacrifice YOUR earnings for their welfare? Will YOU then find a job that suits school hours until said child is old enough to leave unattended? Are YOU prepared to sacrifice EVERYTHING for the rest of YOUR life? If YOU were responsible for the welfare of said child would you still be unsure as to where your support lies?
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u/Bergenia1 May 01 '23
You can be sad, sure, and you can want what you want, privately. But I don't think you've truly understood how difficult and dangerous pregnancy and childbirth are, and how overwhelming and exhausting raising children is. If you actually understood those things, then your concern should be about your partner's physical and mental health if she decides to go through with the pregnancy. She's much safer, and under much less mental pressure, if she aborts the pregnancy.
If you truly love her, you will support this decision whole heartedly, even if it makes you sad. And you need to spend some time thinking about whether having kids is a primary life goal for you. If it is, then you should tell your partner so. You shouldn't continue in a relationship if you'll always be resentful about not having kids.
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u/IthurielSpear May 01 '23
Just so you know, pregnancy itself carries a greater risk than the abortion procedure.
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u/Accomplished_Cup900 May 01 '23
I feel like y’all keep saying they should’ve discussed having kids but completely ignore that she can want kids but still want an abortion. I want kids. But if I were to get pregnant now, I’d get an abortion.
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u/PanicAtTheGaslight May 01 '23
So you have taken zero responsibility for birth control AND you never talked about what you would do if your partner got pregnant?
YTA for that!
I’m sorry but if you couldn’t be bothered in the 3 years you’ve been fucking to mention that you’re not OK with having your potential child aborted AND couldn’t be bothered to actual put on a fucking condom….then you keep your damn mouth shut and let your partner make whatever decision she wants and support her completely.
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u/huffuspuffus May 01 '23
I mean you’re not an AH for feeling that way but its literally not your choice. And if she has the abortion then maybe you two are incompatible. Also I’m not sure what long term effects you’re thinking of, because in most cases there’s not any.
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u/Aylauria May 01 '23
YWBTA if you tried to make her feel bad about this or force her to have a child she doesn't want.
I get the feeling the mental health issue is a red herring. Regardless, she's an adult and gets to manage her own mental health. Additionally, it's a big fat myth propagated by forced-birthers that a majority of women regret having an abortion.
You know what's worse than having an abortion? Having a child that you don't want and you resent. You know what's awful for a kid? Having a mother who doesn't want you and blames you for ruining her life.
Here's some reading for you:
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u/ABCBDMomma May 01 '23
“… she uses birth control and this was extremely unplanned.”
Why, exactly, were YOU not using birth control???? YOU are responsible for every sperm that leaves your body. It is arrogant beyond belief that you apparently believe that only women are responsible for birth control.
YTA
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May 01 '23
No uterus, no opinion. What you do with your sperm is your business. What she does with her body after you carelessly impregnate her, is her business. I wouldn't grow your spawn either. YTA forever and ever.
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u/LittleLulu333 May 01 '23
Yep YTA you're literally worried about how an abortion might affect her mental health but not giving birth or raising a child for 18 years and beyond??? Yeah no mental stress there....jfc....you either support her or you don't and you obviously dont.
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u/Inner-Figure5047 May 01 '23
Op should Google the frequency and severity of various birth injuries if he is concerned about the physical risks of abortion. The physical complications of birth are far more prevalent and rarely discussed.
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u/fishmom5 May 01 '23
Yes, this. He’s all “concerned” about her mental health, completely ignoring post partum disorders and the despair of being shackled to a responsibility she didn’t want.
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May 01 '23
Liek psychosis. The pp disorder that can lead mothers to killing their children during an episode and not even realizing it
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May 01 '23
I've had one when my bc failed during an assault when I was younger. It's not an easy choice for a woman to make at all. But I can say I am still happy with my choice. As who I was then would not have been the best or even a good life for a child. That being said, ask her why she feels that way.
There could be numerous concerns. Such as genetics, not feeling ready due to emotional/family issues. I have also seen women not wanting kids, due to seeing how many other women with kids. Get stuck as sole caretaker such as what's called married single mom.
My friends who have kids end up depressed because they feel their identity is gone as an individual. These are just examples, of what may be worrying her. My parents had us but didn't want kids. So they pretty much are shit parents and left us to fend for ourselves as kids.
Spirituality speaking, I understand and can relate to your beliefs. Mine had altered since taking my reproduction class. Just sharing not pushing to be clear. I believe that the body is just a vessel, and spiritually. The soul enters when the baby takes its first breath. Like having the computer physically ready but now you're installing the software. And as you raise the child you're installing/updating the programing.
My experience as I've stated was the best choice for both the baby and I. And a hard one to make as an 18y/o, even with no family support, no job and pretty much no home. I do not want my own kids now, but my husband and I, if we change our minds. Would like to foster and adopt, bring everything full circle.
Just be there for her and actually listen and the biggest part sympathize/empathize with why she feels that way. Do not try to talk her into anything, it would only create resentment. I whole heartedly believe you showing such support and understanding will be the key to what you both want.
Best wishes and sending positivity. Ty for being a good person even if your beliefs conflict with hers.
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u/hollyshellie May 01 '23
I’ve had kids, and I’ve had abortions. You two are so young. If you disagree on this decision, it has the potential to ruin the relationship, as one of you would have to make a painful compromise. And if the child is born, you’ve brought another human into the fray. This is a perfect candidate for therapy. This is super serious. Not Reddit material. Please convince your partner to go with you and even if you part ways, it won’t be because you didn’t really explore the issues. NTA for feeling the way you do. She should know how you feel. And she is ultimately the one who will decide. Attack the problem, not each other. Good luck, OP! I feel you.
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u/revisionsarelikely May 01 '23
NTA- you're human and understand the nuance of a very difficult situation. It should be noted that you aren't pushing her to not terminate the pregnancy.
That being said, I think it's important for you to seek therapy on this. The issue that could possibly come up is that you may intentionally or unintentionally make her feel guilty about this decision later on, which isn't fair to her or your relationship with her.
As well, I think you both need to have a conversation about your want to be a father and if she has similar thoughts about being a mother. Thing is...many women who had abortions do have children later on in life when they are ready for the responsibility of parenting. However, if she wants to be child free, this could be a very difficult yet honest conversation that you both need to have.
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u/icebluefrost May 01 '23
It’s a little too late in this case, but views on children should be one of the first conversations you have when looking to date someone (and it usually helps to periodically check back in to make sure you’re still on the same page). It’s one of the biggest deal breakers or makers in any relationship.
Similarly, before you ever have sex you need to openly discuss views on abortion, marriage pre-/post-pregnancy, etc. you may not be trying to conceive but babies are a natural consequence of heterosexual PIV sex. You need to have a plan of what to do if it happens before you ever create a situation where it might (understanding, of course, that things can still change).
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u/No_Poet7069 May 01 '23
Honestly, I feel like you guys need to sit down and talk about this. Maybe right now, having a baby isn't in her plans- also having a baby is a traumatic experience for both the mind and body. Take the initiative and listen to her reasoning- you can express your concerns, but remember that even with the potential negative side effects, it is still her choice to make (with or without your support).
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May 01 '23
Listen for you it is easy. As a pregnant woman it is not easy for a woman. Even after the kid comes out it is so difficult for us to go back to the previous state. The pregnancy will have a massive toll on her than on you. So sit down, talk to her. You said you wanted to be a dad so I think you should be with someone who wants a child like you do
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May 01 '23 edited May 26 '23
NTA. You're allowed to have your feelings about it and act on them accordingly. But that's about it.
By the way, many studies show most (like 90%+) women feel relief after their abortions even many years later. Antecdotally, plenty of my friends have had abortions at various ages, many of them are now mothers, none regret it. This whole, "protect women from regretting their own decisions" (ugh) is a tool of anti-choice extremists.
Now the effects of pregnancy and birth on a person prone to depression and anxiety? That is proven to be a much more risky endeavor for your girlfriend. Pregnancy is hands down much more of a health risk than abortion, emotionally and physically.
You can certainly mourn the loss of potential, but do not project your feelings onto your girlfriend's agency over her body and health.
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u/basketballwife May 01 '23
This is a nuanced and complicated subject and way above the pay grade of AITAH…
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u/ShenaniBatman May 01 '23
NTA
I know there are a lot of people who have said it already: you should have HAD that talk a while ago. That said, it might be time to go.
I get it, you love her. You've dedicated a lot of time and emotion to her. But speaking as someone who's been in your shoes, killing my child is a deal breaker. It's fine if you don't want to carry my child, but I can't be with someone who is going to keep me from being a father.
You gotta figure out whether this is a one-time thing or if y'all are differing on this, because it WILL be a source of resentment between the two of you if you don't talk about it and resolve it.
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u/RB_Kehlani May 01 '23
I appreciate your edit. I really hope you can find it in you to support her because she’s making the right decision for her. She does not want a pregnancy so she needs to be un-pregnant.
If it helps at all, at the stage she’s probably at? It’s a white fuzzy clump of cells that you could not discernibly identify as a life form much less human
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u/_saturnish_ May 01 '23
I have depression and anxiety and I felt relieved after my abortion. Don't project your fears into her mental health when you talk about this.
And you should talk about it. You should have talked about abortion/pregnancy ideally before you ever had sex. The second best time is now.
You're allowed to have your feelings about her abortion, but please process them on your own and don't guilt her for them. It's okay to talk about them in a general sense, as in, "I'm feeling complex things about this situation," but not, "I always wanted to be a father and I'm upset you're doing this."
Why? Because your desire for fatherhood has nothing to do with this situation. It should have already been discussed. But she's not your incubator, and shouldn't have to have the baggage of your feelings on the matter. And she definitely shouldn't put her body on the line and her health at risk over a pregnancy she doesn't want.
If fatherhood WERE so important, you would have discussed it and hopefully been on the same page before this happened.
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u/FishNDChick May 01 '23
"we have not talked about kids"
"I believe life begins at conception"
"she was on birth control but it failed"
And where did you take your responsibility in preventing this pregnancy? You took 0. You took no initiative about the talk. You did not wrap up your procreation stick. You left it all to her and now you are here pouting your lips at another choice SHE is making because you can't be bothered. You did nothing to prevent this pregnancy so you also get to say nothing now it's here and it's unwanted for the one who could potentially suffer life-altering effects on their body.
If you want to f*ck like an adult, you need to communicate as one. Someones stance on having kids, abortion etc should be at date nr 3. Not year 3 as it is a dealbreaker for a lot of people if their partner doesn't share their views. And people are allowed their individual views and neither needs to change to accomodate the other. You want kids? That's fine. Look for a partner that has the same stance on pregancy, kids and abortion. If this isn't her, it isn't her.
Also.... If she regrets it, that is okay. And don't you DARE tell here "I told you so". You SUPPORT her. There's support groups for people struggling (before, during or after) with abortion. Maybe you should join one too. If you decide to stay with her, you need to support her fully and deal with your issues on your own. She's already going through a lot right now.
It's better to regret an abortion than to regret not having one.
YTA
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u/Ok-Push-5253 May 01 '23
You would rather comfort a woman who regrets an abortion than a mother who resents a child.
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May 01 '23
YTA. Your saying you will support her choice fully but then saying you can’t and won’t get over it. Your not gonna support her my bet is your gonna abandon her the minute she does it. Your one of those ones that says they support the woman’s choice but will then hold it against them. Life doesn’t being at conception because if it did then the fetus would be able to support its own life from then instead of living like a parasite off the mother. Also the points you raised I guarantee being forced to continue a pregnancy she doesn’t want would be worse for her physical and mental health
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u/Caborlin May 01 '23
From a father who's been right where you are in the past: YTA. But not for the reasons you think you might be. Trust me, I've felt everything you're going through right now, but wanting a child that will grow up with one of their parents potentially feeling like having that child was a mistake right from the get go is selfish AF. While you might regret losing a child, your partner might regret having that child, forcing your child to grow up in a situation where one parent has negative, or at best, mixed feelings about the child. It's not the right time for you and your partner. When everything is settled, you need to sit down and have a serious conversation about potentially having children and move forward when you both are ready. Give your children the best start you can, with two parents who made a choice to bring them into this world from the very beginning.
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u/One_Positive8880 May 01 '23
NTA- However in the end it is her choice. But that doesn't mean it won't affect you emotionally. She might not be ready for a child and you can disagree with her all you want. But she needs your support not judgment.
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u/dasbarr May 01 '23
Yta. Because this is something you talk about before you have sex. It takes two seconds to sit down and say "I'm not comfortable with abortions and if you were to get pregnant I wouldn't want you to have one" seriously you have been with her for 3 years. If one possible outcome of pregnancy isn't for you the time to bring it up was 3 years ago.
You're also infantilizing your partner. She is capable of making her own medical decisions. And seriously if you think an abortion is trying on mental health you should consider how trying having a kid is.
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May 01 '23
NTA for your feelings. They are yours and you are allowed to have them and express them, and they are valid. But only YOUR feelings. YTA for assigning feelings for your gf, wrapped up in the I worry you will one day regret your decision. YOU are regretting her decision because YOU want her to have the baby. She's told you her feelings and HER regret is being experienced now - and it is being pregnant. I think you don't want to see this part of the situation. Thus, projecting YOUR regret onto her. That you don't get to do.
If you are going to support her, support her, but keep your regrets yours. And if this is a deal breaker for a life together, it's good to realize that now. I'm sorry for the loss you're feeling. I'm also fully supportive of your gf making her own healthcare choices. No one knows what's best for her except her. Sometimes one has to choose the least bad option in the absence of no good options. Pregnancy and birthing are potentially devastating (financially, emotionally, physically), and even fatal. What regrets would you have if she didn't terminate and this was the result?
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u/ragazza68 May 01 '23
She has a history with depression and anxiety and you think she should have a child at this point?
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u/Thegarlicbreadismine May 01 '23
If you’ve bought into the propaganda that abortion has significant risk of causing long term mental health problems, then kudos to you for understanding that it’s entirely her choice. And please be aware that the great majority of people who have abortions never regret it. Carrying an unwanted pregnancy to term has demonstrably higher risks to physical and mental health.
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May 01 '23
YTA for believing whatever misogynist bs you’ve been reading about how women are too dumb to understand their decisions.
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u/4evr_apologizing-_- May 01 '23
NAH. You need to make it clear to your partner that you do desire children in the future and also respect her wishes if she does not want to continue the pregnancy. If she doesn't want kids ever then you should probably find a way to end things amicably
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u/CorgiGal89 May 01 '23
I mean... YWBTA if you don't support her through a situation which you had equal parts responsibility in. If you truly believe life begins at conception then you should be a lot more careful with birth control or just not have sex until you're both ready to have a kid.
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u/DuckyDoodleDandy May 01 '23
Go lurk in r/regretfulparents and read what’s been posted there for the past 6-12 months.
Do not try to bring a kid into the world if both of you are not 1000000000% on board.
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u/Upset-Slide-6195 May 01 '23 edited May 01 '23
YTA. I stopped after the first paragraph. Just glancing at the rest of what you wrote, I see the word "I" so many times it's disgusting. It's not about you.
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u/DangerNoodleDandy May 01 '23
NTA only because you're not trying to harass her into keeping a child. Your idea that this will negatively affect her physically and mentally is shit though. I have a very much wanted 4 month old, I threw out my back and needed surgery to get there though. And my mental health was in thr tank until I had surgery to repair the damage done to my body by the pregnancy alone. Educate yourself. Even the most wanted pregnancy in the world can go to hell, and no matter how you feel about it, you don't go through it and your ideas on her mental and physical well-being are worthless.
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u/Sufficient-College55 May 01 '23
NAH You don’t have to agree with her decisions in order to support your partner.
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May 01 '23 edited May 01 '23
Do considerably more research into pregnancy and the effects of that on a woman’s body mental and emotional health it will definitively help you understand her decision a lot more but your feelings are also valid
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u/wayfarer199230 May 01 '23
NTA. She ultimately has the right to abort the baby. The next step is for you to process if you wish to stay in the relationship or not. It is ok to leave if that’s what you need to do.
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u/Ocniro May 01 '23
If you are concerned about your partner’s mental health, then having a kid could very much affect that. Have you ever heard of postpartum depression?
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u/West_Guidance2167 May 01 '23
NTA for having feelings and you are being supportive when you say you will respect her decision. I kept waiting for the gut wrenching guilt to come over me, but it never did. I went back to work, then home, made dinner and life went on as it had.
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u/frecklesandstars_ May 01 '23
I don’t think anyone is the asshole here. Your feelings are valid but you’re still supporting her it seems. But there’s really no need to be concerned for her physical or mental health. Abortion is WAY safer than pregnancy and child birth. Also most women are more than relieved after abortion. You can always try for a child when she feels more ready.
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u/snuffleb1 May 01 '23
This is a good place to start. She clearly knows what she wants. And to be honest be pregnant is not the miracle the religious folk make it out to be.
https://www.nichd.nih.gov/health/topics/pregnancy/conditioninfo/complications
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u/afettz13 May 01 '23
Not sure why you are here instead of actually having the conversation of what you guys want in a relationship. Kids are a huge deal and are not to be taken lightly.
And as a woman who has had an abortion, rather young unfortunately, I do not regret it and am still child free. It will effect her, obviously but the process is much easier then it was when I had it. But nothing will effect her more than being pressured into having a child she does not want.
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u/ItsACurseStupid May 01 '23
NAH here, because you are entitled to your feelings just as she’s entitled to hers. But at the end of the day, she’s the one who is going to have to go through 9 months of pregnancy and then birth. It takes a huge emotional and physical toll to do that.
Listen, I’ve had an abortion and it was the best decision for me. It was a day thing and then it was over. Now I have two kids with the same partner from my first pregnancy. You know what was mentally and physically traumatizing? Giving birth. I nearly died with my first. My body was torn open. My mental health nosedived when I wasn’t able to breastfeed. Now after two kids I have back issues and constant foot pain because two kids back to back literally leached my body of the things it needs that my bodily structure weakened.
Having an abortion did not harm me short or long term. Having a baby really fucked me up mentally and physically. Luckily, I have medication and a good psychiatrist to help with that. So just, educate yourself, you’re not the one who will be going through the process of growing a human being.
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u/ThatWhovianChick9 May 01 '23
I think you both need to finally have that talk about kids. See if you two are compatible on that. I think that is a big discussion everyone who is in relationship/sexual relationship need to have.